Breaking the Silence

Breaking the Silence: Reconciliation and Healing After Friendship Fallout In this powerful episode of 'Give Her the Mic,' we dive deep into the complex journey of reconciliation after a significant friendship fallout. We share raw, unfiltered stories about the impact of trauma, mental health struggles, and the importance of breaking the silence. From experiencing postpartum depression to navigating a difficult divorce, we recount the emotional rollercoaster that led to a five-year silence between us. Join us as we discuss how we found our way back, the importance of having hard conversations, and the crucial role supportive friendships play in personal healing. 

This episode is a testament to the resilience of true friendship and the power of honest communication. 

Subscribe, follow us on Instagram and TikTok, and join us in talking about the conversations everyone is afraid to have. 

00:00 Welcome and Week Three Recap 

00:25 Breaking the Silence: The Podcast's Mission 

01:28 Personal Struggles and Healing 

03:02 The Downfall of a Friendship 

03:58 Pregnancy and Postpartum Challenges 

07:29 The Impact of COVID-19 

11:52 Divorce and Emotional Turmoil 

16:42 A Friendship in Crisis 

19:41 Reflecting on the Past 

20:02 The Pain of Silence 

20:36 Working Together, Apart 

21:20 The Turning Point 

23:03 Rebuilding Trust 

25:05 Lessons Learned 

27:36 The Power of Reconciliation 

30:33 Encouragement for Others 

36:20 Final Thoughts and Farewell

Transcript

0:00

Welcome back guys to give her the mic. We are already on week three, I can't believe it. And if you tuned in last week, just know that we love you, we're there for you. And um, we know like hearing stuff like that can be really hard. So we just wanted to make sure y'all knew that, um, you know, you're not crazy and you're not alone. And so with that being said, we're gonna jump into some more trauma. I'm just kidding. We're gonna talk this week about breaking the silence, which is, I feel like I. Why we developed the name. Give her the mic. Yeah. If you wanna tell them a tiny bit about why we named the podcast that anyways, then, then we can get started. So I know for me, most of my life, I felt like I wasn't heard. And even if I did try to tell somebody something, it was like, you know, I either they didn't hear me, they disregarded me, or they made me feel like whatever I was saying was like. Completely ridiculous and that what I was feeling wasn't valid. Yeah. So when you go through your entire life and people make you feel that way over and over and over and over, eventually two things happen. Either you stop talking completely, like you just don't open your mouth anymore. You don't fight for yourself, you don't, you know, really speak your mind or even have conversations with people. Um. I was gonna have an OR, but I think that's really what happens. Yeah. Like you just, you know, and I feel like at this point in my life, I've been through so much healing and I have a lot to say. And I really think that you, we both do, we both have a lot to say and give her the mic. Just like, you know, I mean, I think it's our turn takes, takes back that power to talk. It's like, Hey, we are talking. You can disregard me all you want, but I'm still gonna say it right no matter what. Like I'm tired of not talking. I'm going to say exactly what's on my mind. And guess what? I'm from up north. I'm gonna be very honest. I'm always gonna be blunt. I'm always gonna be honest and I'm always gonna be kind. Yeah. Morgan until gives me a different energy and then I'm going to give them that same energy back and still be respectful. But it's so important, even if you are afraid to speak your mind, and we're really gonna get into this on this episode, which I'm so happy about. Yes. About having conversations that can be really hard. I've had so many over the past six years since my divorce where. I remember like literally my like bottom lip quivering. Like quivering and my hands shaking and my whole body going numb, but I kept speaking. Yeah. And then after those conversations, you feel so good because you did it, you know? And I think that that is such a growing thing. Um. So, yeah, that kind of leads me into mental health, which is one thing that we've been talking about. I feel like every episode. Oh yeah. But like specifically, I know we both wanna pinpoint two different topics big time. When. We were in a place of feeling silent, right. And which is gonna lead to the downfall of our friendship, which we know everyone wants to hear about because everyone has been asking everyone but us about it. Right. So, um, pretty much, pretty much, I'll go ahead, I guess and start with Cece, if that's cool having that. Yeah. Because we were, we were friends still. So this was essentially. Six, five years ago. This was 2019, five years ago, right before we stopped talking. Mm-hmm. Um, and so we stopped talking. Just so you guys know, me and her were besties, inseparable for four and a half years, had a big falling out. Did not speak for four and a half years. We just started speaking again a year ago. I wanted to preface it with that'cause we haven't talked about it yet. And it's super important because, um, this doesn't normally happen. What we're doing right now. No. You know what I mean? Like this isn't normal. No. And that's why we know God's in it and there's a big purpose for it. So I was pregnant with Cece in 2019 and remember we are traveling a lot, lots of trips for our business. You guys like so many all the time. And so, um, just was really stressed that year, I feel like. Oh yeah. I can't remember why, but I was really stressed and I just gained a lot of weight during my pregnancy, even when we went to SFR for work. Um, in Texas that year, remember how I was, I had to like prop my feet up and I was swollen and so Well, we never stopped. No. We didn't learn to really, truly like rest and give ourselves a break until probably the past five years, you know? Yeah. So we were doing that and I have a super big control issue anyways, as, you know, just in like, not control, like in an abusive way, but control, and I wanna help and fix everything way. Yeah. And so I definitely was like. Really, really trying to, you know, explode my business. And I was doing a ton of coaching calls with leaders and like yeah, we weren't stopping too to like let God give. You know, the, the fruit, there was a lot of effort that I know I personally was putting in instead of letting God do what he was gonna do. And so after I had CC, I had her in September of 19. Mm-hmm. Um, we stopped talking February of 2020. Mm-hmm. Which we will get into you guys. But, um, I was going through horrible postpartum depression and I did not even realize this until. About two years ago, whenever I was in therapy, and my therapist was like, wait a second. Like, this sounds really traumatic. Why didn't you get outta bed for a year? Can we talk about this? Yeah. And I was like, oh, I was just tired. And she was like, no, like. That's, you know, suicide or ideations, all those things are not okay, but growing up, experiencing all those things already. Yeah. I just thought, it's my fault. I'm fat, it's my fault, you know, this is going on or that, and then during this time, the world shut down, remember? Oh yeah. So then, right then in February, 2020, I was postpartum with Cece. Super overweight, super traumatic experience with having her with, yeah, I remember. Yeah. Yeah. And I told you this morning when we were talking about this like. When she came out, like she was gray. She was not breathing, and I really think it like traumatized my husband because I didn't even know what was going on until like a year later. Yeah. They didn't even tell me until a year later. They didn't tell you that, that had they didn't, had happened? Didn't. I had no idea because they, because I was so unwell. That's why I didn't know. That makes so much more sense now, right? Because I, yeah. That's why you never knew. Yeah. Me, Lee and Justin were the ones in the room and they never told me or anybody because I was. So sick. Yeah, and like I know how much Lee is my stepmom. For those of y'all that don't know, she's amazing. She's saved Angel me. We'll talk about her one day. But like I know her and Justin, my husband's name loved me so much, but I don't think they knew how to get me resources I needed. Yeah. And so they thought that was like protecting me. And I think they thought if I would've found out, I would've blamed myself and then I would spiral more and would made you worse essentially. So like I didn't get out bed that first year, um, in 2020 at all to feed her at night, not one time. Um, Justin had to do everything. I was super, super unwell. Because I had lost my best friend. You. Yeah. And like, it wasn't even like, oh, this is my best friend. It was like a sister, like a part of me that was just gone. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, just in a matter of like a, a day, literally. And then, you know, COVID happened. Everybody's scared, everybody's freaking out. Now our kids are at home and. You know, our kids were both at home, right. And we were doing the homeschool thing with them. And, um, I was overworking. So because I didn't have tools, I had not started therapy yet. I was just overworking and I had this mindset of like, push through mindset. Mm-hmm. And, um, where you just disassociate, like I said, I'm really good at it. Yeah. Like, I'm aware of that. I know that's a. A mental issue. Yeah. Um, but it also could be a super strength, like a superpower too, which is Yeah. Like a really good quality about you as well when it's used Good. Yeah. And you do that now and it's a trauma response and so Yeah, for sure. I. Wasn't in therapy, wasn't really talking to my husband at the time because I didn't want him to think I was crazy. And I've always felt crazy because my sister's schizophrenic. I don't think I've told them that, but because Chelsea's schizophrenic and, um, my mom has a lot of issues as well, um, that I always have felt crazy. And so I didn't wanna tell him that. And so of course I became really depressed, uh, overworking. If you look at old YouTube videos of me, I literally had Cece attached to me and I was like. 70 pounds heavier than this and like literally had no business doing a training. Somebody should have told me. Yeah. To like go to rehab. Like to go to a wellness center. Like I was on the brink of like something really, really bad. A breakdown. Big time. Yeah. Yeah. And you gotta remember 2020, we all do. It was, it was the worst year of my life. A hundred percent. It was rough and social was exploding. So you were seeing all this news and being filled with what side to go to and this and that. It was, it was unreal. And it was like, if you pick the wrong side, you're canceled. It was crazy. Oh yeah. And so, yeah. So anyways, it just created a lot of unhealthy habits. So lots of things were brought up from my past during this time of like, um, not eating. I have a. Bad relationship with food anyways. Yeah. I'm sure we'll get into that one week. But, um, just really super stressed, super, just felt not confident. So like, didn't wanna have sex. Yeah. Didn't wanna, you know. Yeah. Lots of suicidal ideations, lots of, and you're tiny, you're like, you know, a little peanut naturally all the time. Yeah. And as a female. When you gain weight, it literally like just, you don't wanna leave the house. It's worst number one. That's like, like besides you going through postpartum, her having that traumatic, you know, birthing exp experience, like all of that and everything else in between. You gained weight and nobody realizes, and we don't talk about this enough like that literally. Makes you feel terrible. Oh my God. Like, you're like, you just, you don't, none of your clothes fit. So every time you go to get dressed, it's like you just have this awful, you don't even, you don't wanna leave the house. It's like it's, it is literally the worst. Like that part. I'm glad you brought that up because it literally made me feel like disgusting and like Justin was like, I love you so much. I love you just the way you are, but I was so unhappy. Yeah. And then it's, it's just so crazy because it's like I got body dysmorphia because I was. Overweight for like four years. Yeah. And now it's like I've lost like 65 pounds and I still feel like I can do more. And that's a chain that I'm working on breaking and I in therapy for. But like it was the worst feeling. Yeah. Like just putting your clothes on and like nothing fits. Yeah. You know, and working out and nothing works. Yeah. And all those things. So anyways, that was like basically. Where I remember having that moment of, that's how. That's how it was so easy just to be like wash my hands of it and be like, I can't deal with this friendship right now. Yeah. I can't do this. Yeah. And then I had all these thoughts come into my head like she's going out and hanging out with these other girls that are like 23 and 24 that are skinny and I'm at home in bed. And so it created, I didn't even know you. Well, once we get into that, you know what I mean? It like created though all these fake false beliefs. Of course, when you wouldn't have cared what I looked like, you were best friends with people that are all shapes and sizes. Of course you could care less, but it's. The thought process Yeah. That I created because we didn't speak, of course, it like spiraled everything. Yes. And made me feel like, you know, I'm not good enough, I'm not good enough. So that's pretty much where I felt like the crumble started with us. But I know that we've been really wanting to talk about your divorce and how that affected you, because that was literally February, 2020 or January It was. It was. February, 2020. Yeah. Let's like talk about that. Or was it 2020 or 2019? It was 2020. Wait, no, it was 2019. It was because. I had gotten pregnant at the same time. It was 20. Yeah. So you got pregnant and so I was going through my separation in 2019 when you were still pregnant with Cece. Yeah, that's right. We got divorced February of 2020. So 2019 I was clearly are already unwell. 2019, I had just been going through my divorce or my separation, um, and I definitely wasn't there for you. I look back and I was like. But you couldn't be. I know, but you still doesn't make it. Right. It's, doesn't, doesn't. I literally don't even remember us having conversations about him. It was just like, go, go, go work. You gotta do, do this. Yeah. But, but you also have to realize like you. Part in my life in that season. Because without you, I probably never would've had the courage to be like he has to go. Because I remember you telling me at one point, mind you, I've been married to this man for a decade. Okay? Yeah. And you kept telling me like, it's not supposed to be this way. It's not supposed to be this way. And like I, on the other hand. I've already said this in another episode, but I have a completely skewed of skewed vision or view of what a relationship with a male should look like. Yeah. You know, and thank god Chloe came into my life because she did show like. You know, she's a Leo also, and she's like, this is not, I don't know what's happening here, but this is not okay. Yeah. You know, and I literally will remember, I, I, I will always remember right before I finally kicked him out and I was like, I'm done. Done. We were out one night and, um. We were at this ax throwing place with, with my parents. Your parents? Because my stepmom was there and she saw it too. She was, she was, she was there and it was like right around our 10 year wedding anniversary. And um, I had on these beautiful satin black pants. They're so good. They're so good. And a black tube top. And, you know, I was looking fan for, I felt really good that night, which was surprising because he had put me down to such a low place that I probably like my. Self-image and self-worth was so low. So the fact that I even felt good that night was saying something, and then he came over to us, I remember in a group of people. Mm-hmm. They were like me, you, a couple other people. Your stepmom was there. Yep. And he said if you had cleavage or like better boobs, this shirt would look great on you, but your boobs are spread so far apart that like it doesn't look right. Or something like that. And he walked away and you were like, what the fuck? I he. What the fuck? But I remember on the way home, you, you went off on him. You did say something to him. You snapped back because I'll never forget on the way home, he yelled at me for you being ugly to him about the comment that he made. God forbid we say the truth, right? Oh, it's so diff like, God forbid you give her the mic and she actually has a voice. God forbid we let you emotionally abuse your wife in front of us and say something. It's shocking. That's, people can be so abusive emotionally or mentally and gaslight the person they're emotionally or mentally abusing. They do it every single day though to fit their narrative because they so badly. People like this, I'm just gonna say before we start on him, they're, they hate themselves so much that they have no other choice, but then to project it on light and strong people because they, when you go down. They go up exactly without doing any work. And that's what people like this do. Yeah. So anyways, you know how I feel about this topic. Yeah, yeah. You can carry on. Woo. When you have a best friend who's like your sister, who would do anything for you, if your people aren't mean. I literally packed, I packed your clothes up when I was pregnant. That's what I was gonna say. And put him by the door. You did many things while, you know, while you were still at a terrible place and you know, your. Mental health, all that kind of stuff to help me. I remember you packed his stuff up. Sure did. But. Um, during this time I remember he was still like, I mean, he was out drinking, partying, like doing all kinds of crazy things. I was at home with the kids. Of course we were separated. I had the kids full time. I still have the kids full time. They live with me, but. During 2020, even after Chloe and I stopped talking, so pretty much our friendship exploded. I was in a terrible, terrible, terrible place. You know, I had just got out of this relationship with this man who was a narcissist, drank a lot for a decade, and I clearly had not healed from something that had happened to me when I was 15. So I was still just like, you know, doing whatever. I was raising my kids completely by myself. I also was a nurse, and then Covid hit, you know. Pronouncing five people a day, just like, I can't even imagine being in the hospital during that time, you know? And then my aunt died. My best friend Nick died. Everything happened all at once. And, um. It was just a terrible, terrible time. And that's pretty much like when our friendship, it was right before that, that it had exploded. And her and I, I mean, you and me were both just struggling so bad and we were not okay. And to me, I always look back and you know, like. God does things for a reason. He also knew that we were never going to heal together. No way. We had to do that separately. No way. There was no way that like it was, it was just not going to happen. Yeah. You know? Well, because like you thought I was the problem and I thought you were the problem, but we were the problem. We were both the problem like we were individually. Yeah. So I was not getting healing or therapy or anything for all of my crap. I couldn't even say my crap out loud. You know? Anytime Chloe would come to me, anytime you would come to me and try to have an honest conversation with me, maybe you were a little bit harsh, of course, because you were not okay. But even if you came to me and you were honest to me, which you were many times, yeah, I could not accept it. I was an emotional basket case, you know? So. I just feel like when two people are going through so much at one time and they're both not okay. Yeah. It just, it just, you know, we exploded. Yeah. So we got in that argument. Remember at my house? Yes. You came over. And you had to like remind me a lot of it because of it. Because I literally had no recollection because I feel like of like PTSD and postpartum with that. And I remember when we got into that argument about it really was about what? Like you're dating choices.'cause you were dating somebody. He was a great guy. Yes he was. But I didn't like something that you were doing. Yeah. Or I was worried about you. There was something there. Yeah. And. Well, I was going out a lot. I was just recently separated. I was already dating. And maybe too, that could have been a trigger from your mom at that time. Oh, for sure. You know what I'm saying? And I reminded you of that for sure. And you for sure were like, no. Yeah. You know, I was like, danger, danger. So like Exactly. Meanwhile, I'm on fire. I am on fucking fire. I'm like, let me save her. I'll go in jail. I'll save her because I can't save, save my damn self's. What do, so I'll save her. You know what I mean? Like I had no business worrying about nobody else but myself. And neither did I. Yeah, neither did I. So, you know, so I feel like when you walked out the door, we texted a little after that, but it was just continuing to like blame Right. Back and forth, back and forth and, yep. I didn't understand you. There was no reconciliation. We didn't understand. Yeah. It was not good. Yeah. Uh, yeah, and it turned into a week, and then it turned into a month. Then it turned into six months and then, you know, I know this is something we really want to talk about, like a hundred percent. The fact that we talked to so many other people because we were so hurt. Yeah. And the pain, it caused both of us. Yeah. From us not just having a conversation. Right. Yeah. And so, yeah, I didn't know if you wanted to like talk about how you felt during that time.'cause I know for me when I would see like. You know, I would see. Because we were in the same business. A lot of people don't realize this. People who don't know us. Oh yeah. We work for the same company, you know? Yeah. So there would be trips like twice a year that we would take and we would see each other. Yeah. You know? But we never spoke.'cause I remember it would, oh gosh. It would be so hard. I'd be standing behind you, like in the line of the bathroom and going back now, I wish so badly. That I had just like tapped on your shoulder and hugged you. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Instead of like just keeping the silence, keeping the peace and just standing there and saying nothing.'cause that's unfortunately like sometimes what people do. Yeah. Like I should have just hugged you. Yeah. You know, you never know, like what could happen if you just put yourself out there. But any who, what I really wanna talk about is this like. We let years in five years. Literally. We didn't talk five. We didn't talk for five years. Five years y'all. Five years. We didn't talk for five years. Nothing. No talking. No. I reached out a few times, but no. And the loss number one, when Chloe and I stopped talking, I'll never forget. Like I felt like I grieved You. Like someone, someone who had died. Oh, for sure.'cause I, I grieved it. I did too. I grieved it. It was terrible. But then I prayed also for years that. I prayed for you and I also prayed that God would do something. Yeah. And um, I'll never forget, I was at Summit, which is, you know, this company that we work, we work for this company called Sensei. And we were at this leadership thing and I got a text from Chloe. I had seen her a couple times. You know, we just kind of smiled at each other. Nothing crazy. Like we were never ugly to each other over the years. We just didn't speak, you know? Yeah. Nothing. So that was, that was super hard with the business being intertwined. And with us, we built the business together too. Yeah, we did. We did. And like thank God for Sensei.'cause they taught us so much. Yeah. And you know the vehicle, people talk a lot about direct sales and the vehicle. The vehicle will never be money for me with this company. It's you. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because you can't put a price on No. Finding somebody like that. So not having that. Yeah. And going to these events, it was just like I started going through the motions and you know, just taking my Adderall and being okay with just day to day, you know? But it's so crazy'cause at that summit, I know you wanna talk about how that kind of brought us back together and I'm sure people. Wanna know. And so yeah, also, yeah, we talked a lot of shit about each other. We did to people that we thought we could trust, but that are women too and run their mouth. And we projected in a lot of different ways, I feel like a hundred percent. And so yeah, there was pain there. There was, um. A lot there, lot of trust. But I feel like the reason we are doing that is because we weren't talking to each other. Yeah. And that's why I just feel like for me and you people have to understand like. This is vital. Like relationships are being ruined because of this. Mm-hmm. Like that. And, and some relationships aren't meant to be forever. Some are just a season, you know, all that talk people do Of course. But it's also like when you find somebody and you know, like I remember, I'm gonna try not to cry, but like. Justin would be like, there's gonna be somebody else you're gonna find that's gonna replace her. And I was like, I'm never gonna find anybody like her because I knew, you know what I mean? And I think that's why it was so hard, because I was like, you know, seeing you with all, all these people and all these girls, and I was hanging out with nobody. And so for me it was just like so hard to watch and it started making me like resent social media and like, uh, Facebook and stuff like that.'cause a lot of people were like, why don't you check your Facebook messages and stuff? Because I literally was getting eaten alive when I would go on Facebook and see these things that were being shared. Yeah. And like I was like, this is just too much. So, yeah. Anyways, um, yeah. What were we talking about with, oh. With Summit. Oh, with Summit, yes. Last year. Yes. This is one year ago. Literally. Almost to the day. But I do wanna say yes, like we hurt each other a lot over the years. Like we really, truly did. I hurt you. You hurt me. For sure. Intentionally. It was like, and also when you're, you know, and when you let all that time go by, there can be so many other things that could happen. So what I wanna say is that you. If you care that much about somebody like I wish so badly, I had just showed up at your door and been like, hi, and I want you guys to know that it's never too late to do that. Like it doesn't matter what has gone on in your life with a friendship, relationship, whatever, like you can always go to that person. Number one, apologize. And I think a lot of people have a hard time in apologizing. I have no idea. I don't, I mean, I do know why.'cause a lot of people cannot self-reflect enough to realize they've even done something wrong. Yeah. That's the first starter. But also, I don't think it's ever too late to apologize. Yeah. Ever. So essentially, Chloe sent me a text, you know, you sent me a text at Summit, thank God. And it was just very genuine. It felt different. It was just like. I wanna sit down and meet and have some coffee. And I'm really sorry for whatever's gone on over the years, but like, I wanna have a conversation with you. Mm-hmm. And it just felt so good. And I was like, hell yeah. Yeah. And I had tried before that too. You did? No, she did, but it was not nice. Did, but I could not accept it. It wasn't really nice. Yeah. But it was like I had made attempts and she did. Um, you would be like, I'm good. Yeah. If your kids ever need anything, let me know. I was like, that bitch, like, she ain't gonna see my kids. Like, so I was definitely angry and mad and Justin actually, you know, helped me write that text. Yeah. Because when we got to that. Summit. So the summit for our company, uh, ex like a top leadership workshop trip we take. Just so y'all have an idea of what this is, there's not a lot of people there. No, I saw her multiple times, like 40, 30. I had told Justin, I was like, this is my last summit. Like, I, I can't go to stuff like this, like. Without having you with me there, because it is, you know, it is hard to be in leadership in any direct sales. And so, um, I was talking to him about it and then that one night he was like, Hey, I type this up. I want you to read through it, change what you want, but I think that we need to send this to her and see if she'll get coffee with you. And I was like, there's no way she's not gonna get coffee. Anyways, I sent it, then we end up meeting up. At the same coffee shop. We wrote all three of these epi, these the first, second, and third episode in the same exact area outside. Where we met a year ago we did, is where we wrote the freaking podcast the other day. We did, which just shows you that like. Reconciliation and anything is possible because for the first, you know, once we sat down and had coffee, we sat there for like three or four hours and just talked and cried and talked and cried. Yep. And we talked a lot about what we had been through, you know, recently and over the past couple years. But then. For the next kind of six months after that, we really had to have hard conversations. Oh. About how we had heard each other. It was rough, and I'd be like, I don't trust you hard. And she'd be like, I don't trust you. Yeah. Because, and we both can be very spicy. Yeah. We got in a fight at the gym one day. It was like, I don't know. Oh yeah, I left. It was a while back, but it was crazy because normally. She would be the person way back in the day to be super spicy to me. Yeah. And I would walk away, but this time I was going off on you for No, I was just in my fields that day. Something going on, tooken out on her and then she walked, she walked away and I was like, look at my si. She's growing. You know? And it's been, yeah, but it's also like, I think that talking through all of that. We trust each other now more than we ever have. Like look at what we're doing together. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. I wouldn't do this with anybody else. Well, and I feel like people, here's the thing, like people see the internet and I feel like some people will be like, y'all are always together. Y'all are doing this. Y'all have to understand like when we were friends, when we first like started being friends in 2014. Social media was not what it was now, but we were together every day. Literally, like when I was off as a nurse, because we only worked certain days. You were off most of those days. Then we worked together. Yeah. And so it's, I think people who have this kind of friendship get it. They understand and people who don't, don't understand it yet. Yeah. And so it was like. You know, I had so many amazing people when me and you were not talking that are ride or die today. Yeah. Same like freaking love them, needed them. They got me through it, but I think it was a culture shock to them when we became so close again because they had no idea what. We had in what we were. Yeah. And I do appreciate them.'cause we've had lots of conversations about this. Like them being guarded, like yeah, these certain things aren't okay. Yeah. But they only knew one side of the story truth. They only knew all my pain and all this. Yeah. And all that. Yeah. And I even told you when we started talking again, like your friends were super, some of them were super embracing to me. Yeah. And I really appreciated that. Yeah. Um. Because I knew like, this is like gonna be it. Like we're definitely like friends again. Yeah. And so, yeah, it was really cool. Well, and I always say that we were never not friends, we just, we were on a breakup. Yeah, you do. We were on a break. That's all we were. Yeah. It definitely triggers you when I'm like, we weren't friends now. I don't like that at all. I hate when she, so yeah, we were on a break. Y y'all like, please don't say that we are on a break, but No, I just, what I wish and what I want. For people to like really learn and experience through what we've been through in our friendship is that like relationships are hard, and especially when you're going through a lot in your life at that time and you're not okay mentally, emotionally, physically, in all those ways, you know, you, you can have relationships explode and end for a time, you know? Mm-hmm. For a short amount of time, and reconciliation is completely possible. Having hard conversations is really important, and I so wish that we never let five years go by because I miss so much. You know, with your kids and with you. She, you know, you tell me stories all the time about things that you experienced over the past five years, and it breaks my heart that I wasn't there for you. And I don't think that people realize that. When you have that break in time and you let so much time go by, there is so much that you miss. And you can't get that back. You can't get that time back. You truly can't. So why not go to that person, have that hard, hard conversation. They might not even know what they need to apologize for. They might not even know what they did. They might be stubborn. I know I'm also very stubborn. I get it from both of my parents, you know, like I can't help that part of me. Yeah, same. But so, um, I mean, I'm just so happy that we're sitting here now and that we are. Living proof that God and reconciliation are both two things that are completely possible and they happen. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And I hope that people are encouraged to look at if they're in a disagreement with someone, whether it be a family member.'cause I've been through this with my family too. We'll talk about another episode, like with my mom. I do not speak to my biological mom right now, as you know. Yeah. But there has been. Attempts for communication reconciliation, but when safety's affected or mental health affected, yes. That's when boundaries need to be put up. And with you and me, it was a, we both had, we had mental health issues. I'm just gonna, I don't really know like how else to say that. Like we probably needed medication a hundred percent percent. I needed, I needed Prozac and some other things. I to probably go to a retreat. Somewhere. Yeah. No, I told you that. Dedicated for like a month or something. Truthfully. Yeah. Like I needed to be at a wellness center. Yeah, me too. Uhhuh. Yeah. I had no business like training and developing people and doing anything. But you sometimes don't realize it. When you're in it, you don't realize it and you look back and you're like, damn, I wasn't okay. I had no idea. Yeah. So I'm just like super happy with where we're at. And also like with social media being what it is now, the world actually gets to see. Who we were the whole time before there were stories and before there was TikTok and before people videoed a lot. You know what I mean? Like yeah. Truth. That's why it's like I feel like some people are like, oh, you know, all the time. But we truly are best friends. We make each other better. We work together, we do things together and yeah, just like you said, to let so much we parent, we like give each each other advice on parenting. This is what we wanted to say too, before we end the podcast. Uh oh. I'm gonna look at this screen for this one. Uhoh. Y'all need to make sure before you open your mouth to anyone about anything going on in your personal life, I want you to think, is this somebody that is going to point me to reconciliation with them, or are they just gonna get the T and get as much as they can and do what women do? There is a big difference. Right. Huge. In that. Huge and huge. We were part of it'cause we were talking to people and they weren't. Also, I wanna preface it. These are people that like are our friends. Yeah. Or slash were Yeah. My friends. And so, but the thing is, you said this this morning, why did none of them. Point us to have a conversation that part us as women should be helping. We gotta do better for each other. Women, Lord and Mercy, not making videos about them. Yeah. And I'm, I am guilty of every single thing I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah. Not making, not talking about them behind their back. Not going to cause more division.'cause that's exactly what every single woman did. They did a great fucking job at it. Respectfully. Mm-hmm. Yeah. They divided us so hard. They were on this side then they're on this side. Every single thing else, but reconciliation. Yep. Yep. And the pain, we were going to those people because deep down we wanted that. We needed somebody to be like, Hey, we did go talk to her. Yes. I'm gonna set up a fake meeting. Spot. Something. Yes. Something, something. So I hope this is an eye-opener to anybody that is listening to this episode about where they're leading women, because it's wild. That there wasn't, you know? Yeah. Like of course my stepmom, she definitely told us to talk. Yeah. Justin definitely told us to talk. Yeah. But all the people I was talking to outside of them were just hearing it to hear. Yeah, of course, of course. It's like disturbing that as a culture, we are doing this shit to people still. Still. We're eating each other alive. 20 women. We are literally eating each other alive in the church. Yeah. We'll do a church episode one day. In our workplace and in our businesses, we're eating each other alive. And it's like those people too that we confided in. They knew our relationship. Yes. And so I hope that these people also reflect in the mirror and look at the role they played. Yeah. Because every person played a role in making sure. We did not speak. Yeah. You know what I mean? And that's why, but, but God had a different plan, didn't he? Yes, he sure did. He had a different plan. Thank God. Alright. Hi. So yeah, this episode we really wanted to touch mainly on reconciliation, all those things, and let you guys kind of know who we are and you know that we're excited to do this together because. We have a big story for sure. Yeah. And everybody has a story, and that's why I think this pod will be so unique because there's so much we have to say and there's so much we wanna hear from you guys. So please make sure you're following us on Instagram, TikTok, you're listening in, you're asking us questions, we wanna talk about the things that you are afraid to talk about. And so we love you guys. We appreciate y'all, and we'll see you next week. Bye.