From Broken to Bold

From Broken to Bold - Give Her The Mic Podcast Episode 4
Welcome to Episode 4 of the Give Her The Mic Podcast, titled 'From Broken to Bold.' In this emotional and empowering episode, the hosts discuss their personal experiences of overcoming darkness and brokenness. From the heartache of divorce and toxic relationships to the trauma faced during the COVID-19 pandemic, they bravely share their journeys towards healing and the crucial role of therapy. This episode aims to inspire women to seek help, find their strength, and realize their worth. *Content Warning: This episode includes discussions about abuse and sexual assault.* If you've been affected by any issues mentioned, resources will be provided at the end of the podcast.
00:00 Introduction and Exciting Announcement
00:39 Episode Theme: From Broken to Bold
01:19 Personal Struggles and Overcoming Adversity
03:00 Toxic Relationships and Healing
06:42 A Dark Period: Abuse and Trauma
13:18 The Impact of COVID-19 on Healthcare Workers
16:27 A Heartbreaking Goodbye
16:46 The Toll of the Pandemic on Healthcare Workers
17:56 Starting Therapy and Finding Support
21:07 A Devastating Work Event
31:33 Rebuilding Through Faith and Community
34:23 Final Thoughts and Resources

Transcript

0:00

Hello everyone. Welcome to episode four of Give Her The Mic Podcast. We are so happy that you're here. We really hope you listened or watched episode three, and if you didn't, make sure you go back and watch that for sure. The other exciting thing I wanna tell you guys is that we are now going to weekly podcasts. Yes. Weekly. We have listened, we have obeyed. And we just feel like right now with the amount of content, of course, that we're recording and, um, talking through, we just feel like that's probably what we need to be doing. Yeah. So we're just gonna go with it. Let's give the people what they want. Let's give the people what they want. Exactly. So with that being said, episode four, this is episode four. It's called From Broken to Bold. Love it. This is gonna be a big one, y'all. Yep. We actually, um, I almost wish we didn't wear turtlenecks for this one. Yeah. And heavy jewelry because anybody that has any sort of the tiniest bit of anxiety knows that if you have like high things on your neck or heavy things. It makes you feel kind of crazy sometimes. Yeah. God's gonna do it though. But you know what? Yeah. We're here for a purpose and a reason and we're just gonna talk. That's all we're gonna do. Yeah. I'm ready to roll. Yeah, we're ready to roll. So we wanna talk about a time in our life today that we felt like there was no. Like forward motion at all. Yeah. No way out. Really. There was no way out. Kind of like the suffocating you literally feeling of like, it's, I can't get out of this shirt. It's always gonna be this way. Yes. You know, like the feeling that it's that hopelessness and that detachment of, you know, to God, where are you? Yeah. In this, in this moment. Like those why me moments? The. Why is it like this moment? Yeah. You know, really is, yeah. What, you know, I think is really gonna help women the most because I, I feel like, you know, a lot of women feel that way, that hundred percent they get trapped in themselves and they get trapped in circumstances and, um, become really broken. And, you know, we, we were talking about this this morning with, you know, therapy when we were on the phone with my mom, like, you know, she was taking her Prozac and. You know, that's all they know, man. And back in the seventies and eighties and early nineties too, like, you know, our, you know, we're gonna have a parent, uh, episode about moms, but you know, so many women being trapped and then blaming themselves. And so we're gonna hopefully, like free you guys from that in this episode and help you guys know that there is a way out and. In my opinion, things that get broken can become the most beautiful masterpieces when they're put back together. So you wanna go ahead and get us started with through God for sure. A really low moment that you went through in the past five years. Yeah. Yeah. Um, so of course I got separated 2019. I was legally divorced in like February of 2020. Um. So that's of course when Chloe and I stopped talking was kind of right around that time. Yeah. Per is perfect timing for destruction. Really perfect timing. We were both really, really, really broken and not okay at that time. Yeah, for sure. Um, so 2020, um, I was clearly not in a good place and then, um, I started dating a guy. I wanna say I look back at a timeline probably about March or April. Can I back you up a little bit? Yes. Like, just go back? Yes, for sure. Why did you, looking back, why did you feel like you were in a really bad place? So I, um, of course was in a marriage for a decade to a man Yeah. Who was, um, a narcissist, a drinker. Um, he. Disregarded me and when he would speak to me, he spoke to me like I was a dog. Mm-hmm. For a decade. Mm-hmm. Um, I got into that relationship of course, because like I've shared on other episodes, I had some things from my past that I never healed from looking back now, I would never. Be with anyone like that, let alone let someone talk to me or treat me that way. But yeah, I was, I was probably at the lowest point in my life when him and I split and then, um, and no therapy. Right. All of 2019. No, no therapy. So you're just kind of winging it. Nothing in 2019 at all. No, didn't, nothing in 2019 or 2020. I look back, yeah. Nothing for either one of those years. Um, actually not even until at like late 2021. Yeah. Um, so. I was broken. Not okay. I remember I told you this the other day. I sat down on a couch with my friend Maria one night, and she asked me on a scale of one to 10, um, like looking wise or whatever, what I look like, and I said I was a four. And I just, he had, he told me I looked like Jay Leno. There were so many things that he said and did to me to make me feel like I was nothing, like I was trash, like I was dirt. Not just in my appearance, but who I was, that I was not strong, that I was not capable, that what I did did not matter. Um, and it really reflects who he was on the inside and how he felt about himself, which for sure, I know we've talked about a lot, but it doesn't make it better. But he must really to do with hated himself. Oh yeah. A hundred percent. To have told his wife. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Those things. Yeah, for sure. Ex-wife now. Yeah. I wanna preface that. Price code. Bye price code. Anyways. Um, but yeah, so we of course were legally divorced in, you know, February. I was still not healed. Hadn't been healed. Definitely should not have been dating at that time. Was, should not have been putting myself out there at all. The dating world is a mess because there are so many unhealed people trying to get in relationships. It's like a dumpster dive, but anywho, I should have not been dating and I think a lot of people after. Divorce. You make that mistake. Um, because, you know, like me, I hadn't felt beautiful, hadn't had anyone pay attention to me in so long, and I am a beautiful woman. So of course, when I was single, men would, and I jumped on that because it felt good. Well, and you hadn't gotten attention No. For such a long time. Like, no, I gotten the opposite. Yeah. Legit. Yeah. So, um, I started talking to this guy. Um, we called him tall boy. Tall boy. He lived in Raleigh and I would hang out with him occasionally, you know, um, every other weekend or like every third weekend, depending on when my ex would actually keep the boys for a little bit just so I could get away. Um, and in this time my aunt was very sick. She was, she had, um, breast cancer for the second time, and this time it just, it was everywhere. And, um. Um, I was dating him at the time and it actually, she passed away first, so she died, um, in May of 2020. Hmm. And. I was very much not Okay already. And then after that I was much worse. Um, after she died, I went to Florida. That's when I went to Florida. And when I came back, um, he treated me worse for a lot of different reasons, and he wound up raping me when I came back from Florida. Yeah. Because he was so angry. In pictures, you know, I was out on a boat. There was guys in the background, things like that. Even though he never was like, oh, you're my girlfriend. You know, a lot of men will do that. They'll just keep you clinging like by a thing because they know they can just do whatever they want with you. That's what they do. Yeah. A lot of men. How did you feel about yourself, like during this time, like even when you were. Empty with your friends in Florida did empty. Did they know what was going on? No. Did anybody? So you were just internalizing it and trying to figure, figure it out? I mean, they knew. They knew that my aunt had passed away Uhhuh, but if I'm being honest, I think. When you go through seasons like this in your life, and I know you and I have talked about this. Yeah. Like the people who you surround yourself with are so important. Yeah. Well, and you're a pretty guarded person. Yeah. You're like me, like you're like a social butterfly. But also like there's not many people who truly know like. Who No, you are. And so, no, not I know, I know. If it were me, I would've, nobody would've known. Yeah. When I was in Florida, they would've, you know, known I was upset. Of course, family member dying. That's so close. Um, and watching your mom and your dad walk through that pain as well, but I think that's significant and important for the viewers to understand that, you know, it's, it's not healthy to disassociate no from no. Pain. No. So, and that's what I was doing. Yeah. Just drinking, partying. Yeah. So what, you know, what happened after he so did that, after he did that, um, I stayed with him for, let's see, so that was, she died in May, June, I think it was July, maybe end of June, July. Um, I had gone out with some girls and, um. We went. We were out in Raleigh. He came with us and he got upset because I asked him, I asked him to take a picture of me and the girls. He was already in a terrible mood that day. He like was so up and down, hot and cold. You could look at him the wrong way. He was always like on guard. Just angry. Scary. Scary. Very scary. And like I said, when you're. Newly dating after divorce. You can put yourself in very dangerous situations if you're not careful and broken. Yes. You really? Yes. And broken. Yes. And um, he got upset because whatever, and I. One of my friends, Hailey, she said, do you even realize how lucky you are that she's with you and that she even wants you to take a picture with her? And he got really upset and left. And um, when I got back to the house, he was in there. And so I just looked at the girls and I was like, give me a second with him. Let me see if I can just, you know, talk things over, whatever. And so when I walked in there, I didn't know, but he had locked the door behind me. Mm. Um, and. He immediately took me by my neck and threw me up against a wall. I fell to the ground and then he picked me up, threw me on the bed. Um, I fell off the bed. I think I fractured my foot truthfully. The top of my foot was like really bad. And after that, he just started dragging me by my hair through the house. Um, just hitting me. And, um, I was. Just screaming. I could hear them banging at the door. They were trying to come in and uh, I started scratching him and like clawing him as hard as I could.'cause I knew if I didn't, he could have killed me. So I just started scratching him and then, um, he let me go and he walked out. I'm so sorry. Me too. I just, there's people in this world that are just really broken and bad. Yeah. And I think that through healing from that, I know that none of that was my fault. I should have never put myself in that situation. No. At all. But that's not my fault. No. Nothing. No, not at all. No one should ever do that to anyone. That is not my fault. But there are some people that are in this world. That are just really broken and really bad, and he is one of them. Yeah. Um, and then after that, I definitely was not Okay. Obviously I had a good chat with my friend. She told me I needed to do some work. I did, but I didn't. If that makes sense. Like work, like said, she was basically saying like, like, you need to get help. Like you are clearly not okay. Go her. Who's that? So calling Regan, we love her. We love you. We, we always loved her. She's the best. Yeah. She's a friend of mine from Boston. She's the best shout very upfront out to a, a real friend that says, you need to get help and up upfront. Yeah, you need to deal with this or, yeah. Yeah. So at that point, I stopped dating and didn't, you know, talk to anyone, whatever. Um, definitely kept to myself a lot. Um, and then. The spring of 2021 was when Nick died. I had to look back. He died. I don't think they know who Nick is. No. So, yeah. So, um, sorry, this was a part of the story me and Chloe were talking about. We're just prepping. Um, so after the whole situation with Tall Boy I, that is also when Covid was going on at the hospital and I definitely kept to myself more. Yeah, I kept to myself more, stayed to myself more, probably wasn't doing healing work, if that makes sense. Like I was, I was going back to church for sure, um, all of those things. But I didn't get back into counseling until the two, 2021, I'm sorry, after Nick passed away. Nick was a guy friend of mine who I met because he was a patient of mine at the hospital. Okay. He was 29 when I met him. That was in March of 2020 was when I met him. He died in probably March of 2021, between March and May. I can't remember. Yeah. That's terrible. But I just can't, it's, no, it's not. It's all trauma will just like take it from you. Yeah. It's wild man. It's wild. Well, and also you were. Newly into a divorce life. Raising my children completely by myself. Myself, raising preteens and yeah, teenagers, boys. And also I think it is important that you mentioned just for a minute how bad the work environment was.'cause I know that a lot of nurses, like your heart is with nurses right now. Um, do you want to tell our viewers like. What was going on in the hospital?'cause I don't think people understood what was going on with Covid. And I even know myself like, I was like, COVID iss a joke. Like whatever. Yeah. Not a joke, but I was like, you know that when, when I heard people saying Covid a joke, COVID was a joke. Yeah. It would disgust me. Yeah. Because. Tell them what you saw there. I'll tell you guys about one person. Um, during Covid, I was in charge of two separate units. Before Covid, I was in charge of one unit. One day I walked in, we didn't have the staff. They handed me another phone, another pager, and it was called palliative care. Um, they had Ed, this guy in the ED who was supposed to come up to us. They wouldn't covid test him because they knew that he had covid and they wanted to save the test. So, um, because the te there, the tests were limited, they didn't have enough. Yeah, that's right. So they would only test certain people. So one of my nurses, Neil, he's so funny, he's like in his sixties ex vet. He's so funny. I feel like, is he a black guy? Neil White. Okay. Nevermind. I thought it was this one nurse. He's awesome there. So, uh, I know who you're talking about. I do. He's so guy. Yeah, I know. You're about so great. But he had some N95 stashed in his locker, so he gave me one. He said, baby, you gotta put this on. This guy's gonna have covid. And when he came rolling around the corner, the noise he was making when he breathed, I will never forget that. Um, his wife came in, she was in a wheelchair. She came in to try to say goodbye to him, and she immediately turned around. She couldn't even do it. And so I. Looked at the doctor and I was like, I'm gonna give him enough. I can't do this. And he said, give him enough. And I gave him as much as I could until he died. Of what? Morphine. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So when people say that Covid wasn't real. Yeah. I pronounce more people in a year and a half than I ever have in my whole career. Sorry. No, it's okay. Yeah. And people died alone. A lot of people died alone. Yeah.'cause they couldn't have visitors. So. You know? Yeah. That alone to that environment, I can imagine how many nurses became broken. Yes. And y'all being underappreciated, overworked, understaffed, underpaid, going through something that, you know, the population itself had never experienced before. No. No. But the healthcare field, what we experienced is a completely different. Thing that no one will understand unless you saw it. Well, and in Eastern North Carolina, I know this wasn't in our notes, but like there's patients here. These people have mo more comorbidities. So many than so many other people. So many. So anyways, I know that was off topic. So many that was, um, that was 2020 2021. For me, it was just a really hard time. And to sum all that up, I started back into counseling. I think in the middle of 2021, I met, I finally found a girl that was absolutely wonderful. Yeah, Karen, right? Mm-hmm. They're great. CareNet used, I remember I used together because I had tried counseling when you and I were still talking, and I remember she just, she was ta It was, it was not good. Yeah. She me feel bad. I remember you told me you're not supposed to feel worse when you leave therapy. No. And I was like, okay. So I stopped going. I found this girl, and I remember when I walked in, she said to me, she was like, the only rules I have is that. You are always honest with me and that if you ever end up in Pit County jail in an orange jumpsuit, I don't know you. I was like, okay, cool. Let's go. So, yeah. But any who? Um, that it feels like forever ago, if I'm being honest. Yeah.'cause I am so different now and things have changed so much and I feel like I have so much joy in my life that I didn't have back then, and I'm just thankful. That I did go through all that because if I didn't like it wouldn't be my story. So, yeah. Yeah. So, so the therapy starting in 2021. Yeah. Even though the years to come, right?'cause I'm gonna talk about some stuff that happened in 2022. It's like people need to understand starting therapy. Does not mean it is a one and done. No, you're good. No, it means you're starting, but it's gonna be messy. Yeah. And you're gonna learn things about yourself as you open the, the door of each part of ourselves that we don't love. Oh yeah. And it takes time. And I think that's important too, because now you know it's 2025 and you know, I was literally telling Justin. My husband, his name is Justin, um, the other day, like you are, I don't even know this woman, like you are so strong, so confident. Like, and I'm sure you're like, I'm not fully there yet, and I know you're not because with the therapy you're in now, I just can't wait to see what God unlocks. But it's like, it is a progress, it's a progression of. Just starting and I'm, I really have so much respect for you in the midst of covid, in the midst of Nick dying, who you told me you loved him. So the viewers need to know that too. Yeah. Um, like that you started Yeah. And so many people wait to start and I wish they wouldn't because Yeah. It, it. Your mental state is never gonna get better by doing nothing. No. So anyways, I think it's beautiful. All right, Chloe. So I'm going, I just took up so much of our beautiful podcast. You're supposed to take up space. That's what it's for. That's why it's just us. It's great. I love that. It's, it's great for now. It's great for now. So for now, yeah. So, um, a pretty broken. Piece that I found really brought me literally to my knees, literally and figuratively, was a moment in 2022. And, um, it really broke me personally, professionally. It really broke and shattered a lot of, um. Just beliefs and values and it brought back a lot of trauma. And so, um, so yeah, so I know we've talked about it, but I'm gonna tell all you guys about it and, um, got my note card because I need that. One thing I wanna start with for our viewers that God's really brought me back to is he's been very, very consistent with telling me that he's not going to bring forth. Anything, you know, anything bad, he's gonna bring new things forward when there's bad things that happen, right? So the scripture is God doesn't cause pain without allowing something new to be reborn. Isaiah sixty six nine. And um, so I was at a work event and I think it was 2022. Was that the year? That you roomed with the two people? 2021 or was it one? Okay, so this was also 2021 for me. Look at that. We have like the same timeline. Go figure. So yeah, 2020 was a really rough year for me, just in general. And um, postpartum depression, our friendship had ended. Um. At that time, I was not healed. So what I decided to do was give you the silent treatment, um, because I remember telling Justin, I'm just gonna stop talking to her and I'm gonna see if she's there for me. Which, you know, people can go a lot of ways about coping mechanisms, but when you don't have the tools, it was really like a cry for help. And so I think that by me doing that. It started to really break me down just in general in 2020. Mm-hmm. Because I really needed you. And we've talked about that, but also, um, I didn't have the tools in like the mental state to like be like, Hey, we need to have a conversation. Yeah. Even though, you know, I did try a couple times throughout the past few years. Mm-hmm. Um, but I'm a firm believer in God's timing and it just wasn't right. But I know that my goal was not to. Hurt you. My goal was I need for her to see, like I don't, looking back, it's like, I'm not your mom, but I didn't like what you were doing. And so it was like kind of this stretch and pool of like, okay, it's been a month, it's been two months and I didn't know Nick died. I didn't know your aunt died and all these things were kind of going on. Yeah. And so going into 2021 at a work event. Um, I feel like there is some stuff I need to kind of set the record straight on because as a business owner, um, I had to watch how I responded and what I did, but I know, you know the whole story now. Mm-hmm. And so basically I was at this work event. I, um, you know, tons of people in our company are there and. You know, I was looking for some of my leaders and trying to find them one night, and it was just really strange to begin with. The way it, it started in general because I could feel like something was off, but I was so broken and like, so cloudy, I guess is the best word. Yeah. At this time that I just was like, it's okay, you know, it's not abnormal. And Justin kept saying something is off. Something is off, something's really off with these people. And I was like, no, it's fine. And um, it was not fine. And so I was trying to meet up with these people and I couldn't find them literally walking down the streets in a state that I had no idea where anything was in the state we were in for this event. Mm-hmm. I walk into the first bar and they're not there. I walk into the second bar, they're not there. And I actually was with a couple of my other leaders and they were like Chloe, like. They literally don't wanna see you. And I was like, no way. Like it's not true. Like I talk to these people, I hang out with these people, I, I hang out with their husbands like, we're friends. And I promise there is a point to all of this you guys. Um, because I told Kristen my goal is not to gaslight or bash anyone. My, what I wanna do is tell my story because it's time lot you deserve to, A lot of people have told. This story for me, and I need to set the record straight, but I did continue to look for them. And so the last bar I went into, I'll never forget the way I felt. And I think, you know what I mean? Like when you are, when you're in a situation and you feel so uncomfortable and you just walk into it, but you can't get out. Mm. And you're like, oh my, oh shit. Like I'm here. I'm already in, and they're here. And they planned all this without me Now. I'll say that there's always two sides of the story, but I don't think anyone deserves to get treated in such a way to where they are lied to and manipulated and blindsided. And so when I walked into this, this bar, one of them had walked up to me'cause I could see all of them in the corner and. I'll never forget the way that she made me feel when she looked at me and she said, why does your face look like that? And I was in like, shock. And, um, this was somebody I loved and cared about deeply as a woman. Business aside, I'm not a business first. People second. Yeah. I'm people first, business second. And you know me. Yeah. I am a loyal person. Yes. I'm loyal. Yes. And so. I was like, oh my gosh. And Justin's standing there and two more of my leaders and I'm like, no, it's okay. Like it's fine. Y'all didn't want me to be here, y'all, y'all, you guys can hang out with whoever you want to. There was a girl there in particular that I had no idea, did not like me as much as I was unaware of. Um, and I think that happens a lot with women like. When we're not healthy, we're unaware of what relationships just don't fit. Yes. It has nothing to do with like, they did this, she did that. It's like this relationship should have never went past a business relationship. Right? Yes, yes. Or like a hey at church relationship. Yes. And so she, I'm not ever forget that she snapped back at me and she was like. Um, yeah, I can talk to whoever I want to. And she turns around and goes to the bar and like sticks her butt out and orders a drink and that was it. Nobody else from over there walked over, said anything. And one of the girls in particular, I had decorated her room that day for her birthday with the girl that spoke to me. So when I say I was blindsided, like I really was. Yeah. And so I left. I went back to my hotel room and I've told you this, I literally dropped on my knees. And I was like, I gotta get outta here. And like I need to preface this like I am a top leader in my company. Like this was not, you can just leave. And looking back, I told you I wish I did leave and get on a plane. Yeah. Because nobody should ever be environments where they are being made to feel uncomfortable and made to feel unwanted and made to feel insignificant and not valued. And. Not once. Did any of them ever say a word to me before? And I have a big issue with that because I think that that is very misleading. When you have someone you treat as a friend and you were making videos and doing things behind their back for months, which I had found out later that week from actually one of the sweetest people ever, Stacy McDonald. I was actually at a dinner and she was like, Hey, there's videos out about you. With your sponsor, who, I'm just gonna say my sponsor needs the Lord Jesus Christ and in my business. And, um, she has actively tried to destroy my business since the day I've joined. And I know you're aware of that. Mm-hmm. But it's not been easy for me in this business. And, um, Justin took my phone when I was in the. Hotel room, and he was like, we're gonna delete this group chat right now that you're in with these women. This is toxic. This is not okay. Because I literally was like, I don't wanna be here. I don't wanna be alive. I don't, I don't, I don't, I can't do this anymore. And like I, all these people knew what me and you were going through too, and. I'm not gonna sit here and go back and forth. We both said and did horrible things to each other. Yes. But we had no business venting to these people. No. No. They were not safe people. No. They were not good people. No. To give us good advice. And so I stayed that week and it was the worst week of my life. I was traumatized, literally traumatized. And so I got back home and it, it pretty much broke me. I crawled into a shell. I got really inflamed and like, just like really even more overweight. I was like 170 pounds. Um, and so that was really my rock bottom. I didn't trust anybody. I definitely didn't trust God. Um, and you know, when I got back. My pastor saw the way I looked and he reached out to my husband specifically and said, Hey, like, I don't know what's going on, but there's a great life coach that my mom sees and I think she could help Chloe. Yeah. And I'm forever grateful for him for that because I don't know if I would be here. Yeah. Without her. And her name is Angel and she's the best.'cause you see her now. She's an angel. You get it. And, um. I was like, I don't think I'm gonna make it, man. And so I started seeing her and during this time, these women are going in their stories talking about me. I'm literally getting stepped and stomped on while they were the ones that completely like blindsided me. And I was so broken and so upset because I loved, you know how much I loved them. I know. And you, yeah, I know. I know. So started therapy and, um, started serving in my church. So I started serving in youth, and those girls saved me. Those girls showed me that God had a purpose for me and a place for me, and I started going to camp with them, praying with them in the bathroom about things that they couldn't tell anybody else because. None of the other counselors or people in church had been through it. I was able to be a safe space for them. And God showed me, I don't need you to be with those kinds of women anymore. Yeah. I need you to be right here. So I did that for three years. Yeah. Recently God called me out of serving with them, but most of my girls now are graduating this year and I love you guys so much. Y'all know that if any of you're watching and they love her, everywhere we go, one will stop her and be like, she's my favorite. Yeah. We just saw one in Trader Joe's the other day. Yeah. And so. Um, you know, God really put the pieces together and he built that broken woman back up. Yeah. And, um, in 2024, I started getting health answers after me. And you met in April, literally right after that? Yeah. I started seeing my functional medicine doctor and I, I found out all these levels were elevated that I could not, you know, do on my own. Yeah. And so I got answers and, you know, I real, I started to remember who I was and what I was passionate about. And I started having joy and. I, um, I stopped letting the, the, the active words and videos and things people were saying about me affect me. Yeah. And so I know we kind of went on with that and we gotta end this, but I do wanna say real quick, um, there's never a relationship or a friendship in this world that there's been too much done. Yeah. That you can't just show up. You know? Yeah. And I wish so badly. And guys like seriously, take it from me. Just knock on the door, make the phone call. Because you also don't know if somebody's gonna be here. I definitely should not be here. I know. So should not. So I'm glad I am. I'm so glad I am. We like to cry y'all. Yeah. I mean I can't really, crying is very healthy. Also having conversations are very healthy. The hardest ones are the healthiest. Yeah. Just being honest. As long as you can do it the right way. Yeah. But we are, thank you guys for like trusting us and. Um, for also just all of your support and kind words and I mean, the outpouring of love that we've received.'cause this is clearly not easy. No. Um, every time it's hard, but you guys make it worth it and so much easier. And so do you. Yeah. So yeah. So, so Anyw who a, that that was episode four. Yeah. Yeah. We're, we're wrapping it up. And I will say too, um. We're gonna have some information, um, at the end of this podcast. If you have been sexually assaulted, um, in any way, we're gonna give you some resources. Um, so you know that you have a way out and that you, um, it wasn't supposed to be that way. And, um, we want to make sure that. You get the healing that you deserve. So we love you guys and we'll see you next week. Bye.