Give Her The Mic

Sis, Take the Mask Off

• Chloe & Kristen • Season 1 • Episode 5

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Taking the Mask Off: Breaking Free from Perfectionism | Episode 5

In Episode 5, join us as we delve into the theme of 'Taking the Mask Off' and discuss the pressures of perfectionism, especially among women. We share our personal journeys, from childhood traumas and family struggles to the relentless pursuit of perfection as a coping mechanism. Learn how we discovered the importance of authenticity and self-acceptance, and the critical role faith and therapy have played in our healing process. Whether you're dealing with stress, anxiety, or the need to always appear perfect, this episode aims to offer comfort and practical advice. Thank you for joining us on this journey of vulnerability and self-discovery.

00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview
00:28 Unmasking Perfectionism
01:22 Coping Mechanisms and Family Dynamics
03:31 Childhood Trauma and Its Impact
09:55 High School and the Pressure to Be Perfect
12:05 College Struggles and Family Issues
15:21 Breaking the Cycle of Perfectionism
16:26 The Importance of Therapy
16:53 Personal Struggles and Realizations
17:41 Type B Perfectionism
19:11 Childhood and Family Dynamics
21:13 Perfectionism and Church Influence
23:16 Self-Reflection and Healing
27:24 The Impact of Social Media
28:01 Nostalgia and MySpace Memories
28:58 Final Thoughts and Encouragement

Chloe:

Hello. Hey everybody. Welcome back. We are on episode five, which is. Insane. Um, but it has been really fun. So we just wanna say thank you guys, number one for listening and giving us space, um, talking about some really hard things. And this week, Kristen, we are gonna be talking about, let me get our little note cards I made because I am a recovering, uh, perfectionist, as you know. And this episode is about taking the mask off. I just said to her, we're gonna peel it. Yeah, peel it off. Literally what's underneath the mask? Literal skincare Routine, baby. Oh girl. Skincare. So, and pep though. It's take the mask off, the pressure to perform and look perfect. Getting into how women can release the need to hold it all together. Be real.

Kristen:

Wow.

Chloe:

Yeah. I thought

Kristen:

we were supposed to hold it all together. I'm very confused. Yeah, we're women.

Chloe:

Turns out that makes you explode. Come

like a firework. That's not even like just into a million pieces. That's

Chloe:

not even like a thing for women. That's kids, women, men, anybody. Anyone? Yes. So hopefully this can help a lot of people in general for sure. But yeah. You want me to get started? Yeah, let's do it. Let's go gu. Let's, let's get into it. So, um, with me, you know a lot about my history with my family. Now we even talked about more, more this morning while we were getting ready and when I was thinking about why I am such a. When I am, let's say, when I'm more my unhealthy state, I am a super big perfectionist, oh, or not even unhealthy state, when I am, um, stressed or, um, uncertain. Mm-hmm. Or have fear come in, I, my perfectionism gets worse and I feel like we are very similar on this. With cleaning our houses. Oh, yeah. And decluttering and things like that. Like to release that. Stress. We, um, it's a

Kristen:

wonderful thing.

Chloe:

It's, it's the best one day,

Kristen:

me and Chloe had a crazy situation happen, like with somebody, and we literally both went to my house together and we both went our separate ways and cleaned my house for like two hours just in our zone music on. To me, it's such a healthy release of, because when you go through something, your body can feel it and you're like,

yeah.

Kristen:

You know, feel like you can't breathe. So when you're moving, cleaning things and then you have a clean house after Anyw who continue,

Chloe:

ain't nobody else going do it, you know? No, nobody else. So anyways, husbands help out, kids help out. So, yeah. So I'm gonna go ahead and get started with. Where I really had to like root down into where did this perfection really start in me? Um, because nothing happens by accident. Traits are formed, traits are learned, train traits are caught. Yeah. And so I had to really think like, where did I catch this? Behavior of not even perfectionism, like everything has to look perfect, but like self-destructive. Like, you're not good enough. You need to do better. Shut up and work harder. If you didn't do this, it wouldn't do this. If you would just give yourself more, you know, that thing your own

Kristen:

worst critic constantly. Every single day. Yeah. Yeah. That perfectionism. So when I

Chloe:

looked back. It really came back to when my parents divorced. Mm. And so I was nine years old when they split, and I remember as soon as they split. And I also wanna preface it with this, I love, I love my parents. I have a very broken relationship with my mom, which we'll talk about in episode six, that I am really, really confident that the Lord will redeem. But. My dad is my hero and it, I know my dad doesn't have social media, so he won't see this, but I need for him to understand if he ever hears this episode, like, it's not your fault. You did the best you could with the ex-wife you had. And I'm so thankful for my stepmom coming in to truly save me. And you know how much I love. She's the main job. So, yeah. Um, I just had to shout my dad out because he's like my man. And so, you know, I, I became really stressed, um, when my mom left my dad, because she left him, she made that choice to leave him. And I, I do think it's the best thing they ever did.

Mm-hmm.

Chloe:

Because I wouldn't, I know I wouldn't be here if I didn't have my stepmom. I would not, I be here like Lee. We'll have an episode just about.

Mm-hmm.

Chloe:

Her. But, um, it was still chaotic though, and I was talking to Lee about this the other day and she said she did her best to make sure that I felt safe and seen, because as soon as my parents split, um, it wasn't a normal custody. Okay. Yeah, it was, there was no custody, so it was either house, anytime. My mom wanted to take me somewhere and I told you we traveled a lot. She'd take me, but then like she would drop me off whenever or she wouldn't want me, no structure. Yeah. So for me it was very scary all the time and uncertainty. Mm-hmm. It really created, like, um, I started getting eczema and psoriasis. Um, I became lactose intolerant, like all these issues internally. Mm. And looking back, I'm like, oh my gosh, my, of course it was my body in a state of shock. It wasn't because I was eating Cheerios and I got eczema, you know what I mean? You could eat whatever in the nineties. Yeah. There

were no rules. There were, I don't know what's in food now, but like nineties food. What Gushers Girl, you probably didn't gushers. I did. I love gushers poop by the foot. Don't they? Don't taste the freaking same? I don't know. No. Don't they just bring'em back? Y'all bring'em

Chloe:

back. Gushers. So I started at around 10 developing obsessive compulsive disorder.

Mm.

Chloe:

And um, things that I would do if there's anybody on here who has suffered with this or. You do suffer. I would check the doorknob in my room three times, or I couldn't go outta my room, like I would trap myself in there until I did it. I would open and close doors multiple times, um, before I went to bed, I would have to have things a perfect way or everything was going to go to shit, and so I was doing that. It breaks hard. It's'cause you had

Kristen:

control, that's what you had control of.

Chloe:

Yes, and everything was chaotic and so I also developed, um, eating issues. So I would actually not eat or binge eat,

which

Chloe:

now that I'm healthy, I learned from my doctor that eating like that your whole life, not eating and then binge eating and binge eating. I wouldn't eat a ton, but I would eat like, you know. Two to 3000 calories, which is kind of a lot. Oh yeah. And so it made my leptin levels go up over the past 30 years. And so, um, you know, then around 11 years old, I started getting a lot of anger and resentment. And you heard my mom this morning when we called her. She was eng she was engaged to so many men. She forgot who she was engaged to.

Yeah.

Chloe:

And so I was around a lot of relationships. Um, seeing from, from men that were bad men, they were not good to her. Some of them were majority No. The ones that she really loved, that's the thing. They were bad to her. And I think that's because that's all my mom knew.

Kristen:

Yeah. That's what she thought love was.

Chloe:

Yeah. Yeah. And so I just remember getting so angry. I would get so angry at these men and I would get so angry at her and I would go back and, um, back home to my dad's house and. You know, my stepmom would have to talk me down or be there for me. And I mean, I remember my dad like driving over to these houses and like saving about to fight these men. Yeah. Because they were so dangerous. And my dad was like, why are you putting our kids in this situation? But he didn't wanna take her out of our lives because he. Knew what it was like growing up in foster care. Yeah. He knew what it was like. Yeah. To not have one parent.'cause he only had my memaw until she couldn't afford all the kids and he had to move out into a foster home.

Kristen:

He thought he was doing good by you by. Letting you guys still have a relationship with her. Yeah.'cause he didn't have that.

Chloe:

Yeah. Yeah. And so then, you know, when I was around the age 11, 12, you know, I was the kid. I feel like me and you have talked about this, like you were the same. I was, I started becoming a over performer. Mm-hmm. Um, I started becoming. A like, just big on like, let me be great. So I'm not a problem because my mom is such a problem. And my sister also, she was just hyperactive, so she was just, you know, getting kicked outta gymnastics, doing stuff like that. And, um, you know, I, I started developing, I'm just gonna take care of me.

Kristen:

Yeah.

Chloe:

I got this

Kristen:

hyper independence, I got

Chloe:

this. Mm-hmm. Super. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And so I'll never forget though, my stepmom helping me with my first project, and I'd never had a. A parent, and it's not that my dad didn't want to, my dad was just working all the time. Of course. Like he would take us after daycare at 5:00 PM back to work where he had been six six since 6:00 AM and I would watch him work until 8:00 PM and we would go home. And so my dad did nothing wrong. He just didn't have a partner until he got my stepmom Yeah, to help. And he had a delusional, dysfunctional ex-wife that chose her own. Destruction Yes. Over her kids. And so yeah, my stepmom, I'll never forget her helping me with a project. And, and that's the first time I feel like I saw what True love was because I was like, she wants to help me with a project. Like, and then it was so consistent. And so that was really helpful for me during that time because I don't, it was, it was just rough. And then my note card, and then around the age of like 14. That is when I really amped up perfectionism. Mm. So this is the part where I really want the viewers to understand that high school is such a pivotal moment for you, for your kids. We've got to pay attention to what's going on with our kids when they're in high school, because I, and it, and it's, it's not that my stepmom wasn't, Lee knew everything that was going on and she was there for me, but. It's gen, it's different with your bio parents. Of course you need that. Yeah.'cause you're literally genetically, you're tied to their souls. And so after I got my two abortions, I literally had to just be perfect. You know? I was already embarrassed and super, super shameful of my dad, um, because I didn't want him to know.

Kristen:

Yeah.

Chloe:

Because I didn't wanna like disappoint him. So I just started excelling at everything I did. Most popular boy in school. That's my boyfriend, you know, captain, the cheerleading team, SGA, the coolest friends who still to this day are awesome. Like I had the, just the, the, but everything had to be better. Yeah. And better and better and better and better and better because I thought that if we just, if I just covered up and nobody knew what was going on at home, and at this point I'm telling you my mom has been engaged from the time of 10. To 14, my mom was engaged six times. So this isn't like, oh, you know it, she was putting me through it. Yes, she was. And my sister. Yeah, she was. So, um, you

Kristen:

had no control.

Chloe:

Yeah. So I started this like toxic relationship with myself of being the perfect daughter. Mm-hmm. And that started at 14. And then, like I told you this morning, when I went to college, I was so excited. Because I was still 17 when I went to college.'cause I'm a August birthday. Mm-hmm. And they started me a year early and I was like, I can't wait to get the hell out of this town. Because at this point I had been, I'm we're gonna talk about next episode. I mean, my mom was putting me through it. Yeah. Jail. Yeah. This, that. And so as soon as I got to college, a year later, a year and a half later, I found out my mom's pregnant. I was like, you're kidding me, mom. Like, and at this point she's a full-blown alcoholic. Oh my. Before she gets pregnant, gosh. I'm like, mom, like you may die from dts. Like going like withdrawing. How are you? What are we doing? And um, you're just trying to be a freshman in college. Yeah, yeah. And so I started driving home every weekend. Every weekend, every weekend. And this was also when.

Kristen:

And you're also a fixer.

Chloe:

I'm a fixer. I had to be.

Kristen:

Yeah,

Chloe:

because she was an adult. Yeah. Was not an adult growing up.

Kristen:

Yeah. You always had to be. And

Chloe:

I cannot wait to talk about that in the next episode. But you know, I just became perfect. None of my friends really knew what was going on with my sister Jenny. Nobody knew what hell I was going through after my mom had her and CPS taking her and, um, her dad. Literally like putting me on blast in court talking about my abortions, which is a massive HIPAA violation to begin with, how they even got that information and I was 19 years old and so just imagine like the shame in. Hearing, you know, and I was in a sorority at ECU, I was in Tri Sigma. You know, I had to make sure that all this stayed in line.

Kristen:

Yeah.

Chloe:

Because I couldn't have people know that I was, yeah. My family was a, a, a damn disaster, honestly.

Kristen:

Yeah. And, um, had to maintain that perfect image. I had to. Yeah.

Chloe:

Because I, I didn't have any coping. Yeah. Any therapy or any. I just, even my stepmom, like Lee was the one always there for me, but I didn't wanna put her through it, of

Kristen:

course, because

Chloe:

at this time too, she was

Kristen:

going through it

Chloe:

with my sister. My sister was dating a heroin addict. Who killed himself on accident, overdosed. I mean, and so they're dealing with my sister and my sister developing a mental health disorder, which we'll talk about in another episode, but I, you really have to be perfect. Kept coming up where I was like, okay, mom, gotta make sure she's good. Sister Kay. They got her and it's like, where's Chloe? So unfair. And not to mention I was in this back and forth relationship, like thank God my husband got saved and changed his life, but it was destructive the entire time. There was never a point in that relationship in high school with with Justin where I felt truly loved, and I think that's why I had to go through so much therapy Yeah. To like know what God's love was. Of course. And so, yeah, so then, you know, mom gets pregnant and, you know, baby gets taken by CPS and to the father, just to be with the father. And, uh, we could only see her like an hour a week and sometimes two hours a week. So I would drive and I was in nursing school too, or trying to get into nursing school. That's exhausting. It's not, it's not the being in nursing school that it was super hard. Yes. But trying to get in. Oh, yes. In this college at UCU, it, it's like they want you to To not succeed almost.

Kristen:

Oh yeah. Yeah. It's scary in the

Chloe:

medical field. So I was like

Kristen:

so hard

Chloe:

on so much Adderall, so anxious. It was wild, man. I

Kristen:

bet.

Chloe:

And then, you know what I wanna end it with before you go is like, I realized to get rid of this. Perfectionism.'cause that's the thing, perfectionism, when it is, I think it's a disorder. Mm-hmm. I mean, you see the way I am sometimes, and I even had to tell you the other day, like. Look like. I know that I am really like taking over in these certain areas, but I can't hope it. Mm-hmm. Because I know that I can just do it the best. Yeah. You know?'cause I'm Chloe, I can do it the best. So just sit there and I'll get you a water and I'm gonna figure it all out. And that's just not the way God created us to be, you know? But he, like, I know honestly, God created us to be collaborative species. Yes. Yes ma'am. Yes, ma. And I didn't know that because I didn't have that.

Kristen:

Yeah.

Chloe:

You know, I was, of course I was the standalone warrior. Standing in, in between my mom with men telling them I'll kill them. Like that's at 11 years old. I was saying those things my son's age. Hmm. You know? And so I realized that the perfectionism was broken through the hell I was in. Yeah. Because of Jesus. There's nothing else. There's not a tool. There's a Yes. Therapy. I will say therapy, you know, y'all know me and Kristen are big therapy because it's what it is. You gotta

do it.

Chloe:

I don't know how. Stop reading Mel Robbins books. Stop. Reading, you're gonna

Kristen:

sit down in front of somebody too. It's such a difference in like doing it over the phone. They were like, oh, you could do a Zoom call. And I'm like, I just feel like I need to be here. Yeah. In the seat community. Yes. Because when

Chloe:

two or more are gathered, yeah. The Lord is here. I'm just saying that's in the Bible. It is in the Bible. I dunno what else y'all want. It is in the Bible and And so Yeah, like I realize that the divorce, my mom's downfall, both abortions. My sister being sick, I used to take a lot of responsibility for that.'cause when she got sick, it was when I was in college.

Kristen:

And you weren't there. Mm-hmm. That wasn't your fault baby.

Chloe:

Um, and then my little sister being taken from me, I realized that none of those things were my fault.

Kristen:

Yeah.

Chloe:

And that God used me even in those moments to save my mom. There were many times, yeah. When I literally saved her, brought her back to life like, and so. That didn't start though until I was 32 and I'm 34 now. You know what I mean? So it took, I understand it took that long. And you go, I've been talking way too much. Go goodbye and share. I love when you talk, share your type B

perfectionism.

Kristen:

Oh my gosh. I'm, uh, what

did you say? You like,

Kristen:

you are kind of like type A, you're like

ab I am ab, like

Kristen:

ab blood. I. I Blood. Yeah. I wonder. No. Okay. Or

Chloe:

ba You're like, BA like I am When you're healthy. For sure. I feel like that's a thing. Uhhuh.

Kristen:

Uhhuh.

Chloe:

And you are ba, you're badass. We're so lame. People are gonna watch this and be like, I mean, what are these

Kristen:

girls even doing? We're just talking. We don't

Chloe:

know the lingo.

Kristen:

We don't know what we're supposed to be doing. We're just, we're. God told us to do it. And we're here. We're here and that's what we're gonna keep doing. Got chat,

Chloe:

GPT, help us out. That's what we're gonna be

Kristen:

doing. So Chloe just said, you know, you didn't start till you were 32. I'm 42. I would have to say I probably started at. Lord have mercy. Probably not for the last couple years, if I'm being honest. Mm-hmm. You know, last two, three years. Mm-hmm. And maybe two years, two and a half. Um, yeah, walk us through like some moments

that really, so I just feel like I

Kristen:

never saw another choice but to hold it all together. I was never. In an environment with people or women or anything like moms, that kind of thing, that we're vulnerable enough to be like, this is not, like, none of this is okay. Like I'm not okay at this moment. Yeah. So. Growing up, you know, um, my mom never sat down. We never took vacations. Um, you know, I've already talked a little bit about my mom, my mom being home until I was a certain age. And then after that she worked a lot. Um, but even, I mean, growing up we didn't like going vacations. We were very poor. But then even after that. Even up until this day, you know, mom, I love you, but she doesn't sit down, she doesn't take care of herself. Mm-hmm. You, to me, taking the mask off, the first thing you have to do is be like, where am I right now? Like, where am I in my head, my heart, my body, my life? Like in order to take the mask off, you have to truly self-reflect enough to be like, where am I?

Mm-hmm.

Kristen:

Like, and how did I even get here? So for me. I have always for sure had to be the best, you know, perfectionism, all of that. Um, the way that I looked, the men that I dated, they had to look or be a certain way. I grew up in a very, um, it was like a Southern Baptist church in Boston, which was really weird. That sounds scary. And then I went, I'm scared.

Chloe:

Wait, I have a question. Was it in like a old cathedral's church? No.

Kristen:

No, not cathedral. No. It was like a normal building. Were you in pews? Yes, we were in pews. Okay. Um, I was excommunicated from this church when I was 24.

Chloe:

Yeah.

Kristen:

Because I, so I, um. I'll talk about this another day, but I was engaged kid. Episode was engaged. Episode, yes, I was engaged at one point very quickly after that, I was 23, 22. Um, had not, you know, had a, had a lot of fun for a long time'cause I was in Bible college for three and a half years. It's

just so funny. And then, you know,

Kristen:

clearly unhealed, get outta Bible college. Um. Whatever. Not engaged anymore. Got pregnant. Where was I going with this? Where, where did I even begin?

Chloe:

Perfectionism. And then you're gonna talk about men. You were, or you were talking about men you were dating, so, yes.

Kristen:

Okay. So Bible college and being from that church and a church, I always felt like I had to date a guy who was a church guy, you know, pastor's kid, somebody who looked the part, all that kind of stuff. Why did you feel that way? And that let, because of the church that I was raised in, it was almost like. You could be friends with people kind of who had, did not have the same faith, but also like you better not be too friendly with them. It was, it was very strange.

Chloe:

Not the love of God. No,

Kristen:

not the love of God, because my Jesus would've never kicked me out of a church when I was 23 years old, single and pregnant with no. Baby daddy. No. Well, Jesus also, like I would've loved them. Yeah. I would've loved me. Jesus

Chloe:

took murderers. Exactly. And made them disciples. And so respectively, that's the whole problem with the church we're, I'm gonna get into that.

Kristen:

Yeah. So it was almost like no matter what I did, especially after I was raped when I was 15, no matter what I did, it was like I always screwed up, if that makes sense. You know what I mean? Like the only thing that I was truly super, super good at was soccer. Um, and I. Was almost the best at soccer just because that's how God made me. But I still felt like I had to like, and then when I didn't go pro, when I was 18 and wound up at this Bible college, I definitely felt lost. Still tried to be perfect, but felt lost and truly up until a couple years ago, um, you know, raising my kids on my own, I did not. Give myself time to take care of myself one bit. I literally, after my divorce, was clearly a mess, drinking, partying, doing crazy stuff for a while. And then the other half of me was just making sure they were okay. There were like these two places and so I had to find a way to not just take care of them and make sure they were okay'cause they're always my number one priority, but also like. If I don't take this mask off and figure out like who I was before all this trauma even started and how to love myself enough because Jesus clearly loves me exactly how he made

me. Mm-hmm.

Kristen:

Then like, I'm, I'm not gonna be okay. So I think taking the mask off is truly like, where am I? How did I get here? Why am I like this? And like, I don't wanna be this way anymore. Yeah. Like, you literally have to come to a place and you're just like, I don't want, I, I don't, this is, this is ridiculous. I'm, I've watched my mom do it her entire life, caught. And I'm not gonna do, I'm not, I'm not gonna do this. Like, I have to deal with myself, body, mind, and soul.

Chloe:

Yes.

Kristen:

And so that's just kind of what I did, I guess. Yeah. You know, um. But I understand why people, like, you know, women are just got, we're so busy. Mm-hmm. You know, and I feel like we make ourselves busier than we have to be for sure. But women do wear so many hats and especially single moms, you know, because if I don't get up and do it, I don't have someone else who's gonna get up and do it for me. And I haven't in six and a half years.

Chloe:

Yeah. I can't even imagine that. So, you know,

Kristen:

it's just like I. But there is, and I've clearly figured it out, there's such a happy medium of doing both. Taking care of yourself and your children. You have to.

Chloe:

Yeah,

Kristen:

yeah,

Chloe:

yeah. Well, and you know with your boys too, like they love you so much and they see where you need help and Yeah. Especially with your oldest, now that he's grown into a man, literally, literally, he is. Who he is because of you. Yeah. And I've told you that so many times. Like your kids, my kids, they're so much better than us. Mine not yet. They're you better? They're ratchet. They're still babies though. They're They're babies. They're babies. You know, that's what you have to look at is look at how safe your kids feel. Look at how loved they feel, and also knowing in that gap where you were. You know, going through it. Yeah. Really not even gap like your whole life. Yeah. Right. Like we have our whole lives. We have all through stuff. Literally. Literally God has grace. That's what Grace is. Oh yeah. From God. So, oh yeah.

Kristen:

And I definitely had had to learn to give myself so much grace. Yeah. And I think by learning who God is and who Jesus was when he walked, you start to realize like. The attributes and ways that you are like Christ. And then you realize like that you, Jesus does love us. You know? Yeah. It's just when you're going through all that you like there, that's the last thing on your mind. It's just, but it should be the first thing on your mind. Yeah.

Chloe:

And it's, you know, that was one thing I had to learn in therapy where my therapist literally was just like, you do not love yourself. Yeah. And I think it's. When you're a product of abandonment, shame, different issues that get different bondages that get put on you at these ages going through your life. Like you start to think you are gross, that you mm-hmm. Dirty must be perfect. Yeah. You know, like, and that's, that's your job and that's what you've gotta do. And. Once I learned, like I said at 32, to have God love me, you're so right. I was able to let him in and then doors opened. Once I learned like, no, he did love me. He loved me through those abortions. He loved me through, you know, the emotional abuse my, he right there with my mom there. Yeah. Mm-hmm. So, yeah, I don't know if you wanna say anything to wrap this episode up, but Yeah. Um, perfectionist

Kristen:

perfectionism. Well, and I do I truly feel like most women deal with this.

Chloe:

Oh, no doubt.

Kristen:

I would say 75% of women at least deal with this, you know? Well, and social media

Chloe:

has made it, oh gosh. Unfortunately, social media has. It can be really detrimental or it can be really helpful. And, um, I think that my arm going in like this, I think that. That has amped up. Yeah. Even more so with kids today, I feel like kids either go the way your kids are, which is like, they're not worried about being perfect. They're,

yeah.

Chloe:

You know, they just have different values. And then there's other kids who are, I mean, honestly, there's kids out here doing horrible things with themselves because they feel bullied online and I Oh yeah. I'm so glad only MySpace was here. Oh, yeah. When I was growing up and you just alternated your eight friends. Okay. And we put the

background of my MySpace to like different colors.

Kristen:

Do

Chloe:

you remember your MySpace? Did you realize we were coding? No, we were putting codes in. To make the backgrounds and stuff like, no, we were not. Yes, we were girl. We were out here coding on MySpace, so I still love

Kristen:

MySpace. You know,

Chloe:

we're smarter than we think, but yeah. And then you'd get pissed at a friend. You like move them down. Yes. Like you're number three friend, you're off topic. I forgot about

your favorite friend. That was so fun. Then

Chloe:

you would, you would have like. Get low, like these crazy songs. Yeah. I don't even think our parents knew we had accounts. I don't think our parents could get in.'cause there was no apps. It was wonderful.

Kristen:

No, I would just go in my dining room and go wait for that thing to load. I'd be like, wait someone. And then it was like the phone. There we go. I bet that was very attractive. That will get me a husband. Okay. Um, let's wrap it up. Let's wrap it up. We just, um. Thank you for hanging out today with us on episode 4, 5, 5. What episode are we on? We're up.

Kristen (2):

It is just going by so quick. I know we're having such a good time. I love it.

Kristen:

And again, like we always say, thank you guys for trusting us and letting us, um, have honestly a safe place to be vulnerable. Yeah. And to hopefully, you know, find some beautiful blessings. Love all of this.

Chloe:

Yeah. Like inspire each of you guys to. Take the mask off. Go. Yeah. Go out and be you. Be authentic. Yes. And we didn't say that, but the closer you get to your authentic self being healed Yes. Doing all these things. Yes. You unwrap.

Kristen:

Yeah.

Chloe:

Your authentic self. And we cannot operate where God or whatever you guys believe in, we can't operate where we need to be until we're authentic.

Kristen:

No and no. And that's the other thing I had, um, that I had written down. One of the best things that helped me too was really trying to remember who was I before all these things happened

to me.

Kristen:

What did I enjoy? What did I love? Fashion, soccer, drawing, like working out. I love fitness. I love to draw. There's so many things that I love. Before, you know that terrible night when I was 15, and I think really. Remembering who you were before. All of that brings you back to your authentic self. Mm-hmm. So good.

Chloe:

Yay. We love you guys all. We'll see you next week. Bye.