Give Her The Mic

The Strong Friend

• Chloe & Kristen • Season 1 • Episode 10

Share episode

Send us a text

The Strong Friend: Balancing Leadership and Self-Care | Episode 10

In this episode, we delve into what it means to be 'The Strong Friend' and the toll it can take on one's mental and emotional health. From personal anecdotes about nursing and leadership to the importance of self-care and quiet reflection, we explore the realities of always being the strong one. We discuss coping mechanisms, the value of vulnerability, and the significance of taking time for oneself. This episode offers insights into balancing the responsibilities of leadership with the necessity of self-care, all while navigating the complexities of empathy and personal well-being.

00:00 Introduction and Episode Milestone
00:26 The Strong Friend: Personal Experiences
01:58 Empathy and Emotional Challenges
07:19 Leadership in Nursing
15:07 Reflecting on Early Career Challenges
15:51 The Emotional Toll of Leadership
16:15 Moments of Purpose and Impact
17:09 Transitioning to a New Career Path
18:01 The Importance of Self-Care
18:33 Rediscovering Identity and Health
20:02 The Power of Silence and Reflection
21:13 Setting Boundaries and Finding Balance
24:39 The Role of Supportive Relationships
29:22 Concluding Thoughts on Strength and Vulnerability

Kristen:

All right. Hello everybody. I literally have a frog in my throat, but it's not an actual frog.

Chloe:

Thank God.

Kristen:

Can you

Chloe:

imagine

Kristen:

how you.

Chloe:

God, we're so lame. Our kids are gonna watch this and be like these. This is our, this is our moms. This is them.

Kristen:

I know they really will. But welcome back. We are on episode ten one zero. Wild. It's wild. It's so wild. I love it. I know, me too. I'm so excited. And we, today, the title of this episode is called The Strong Friend. Strong

Chloe:

friend, the strong one.

Kristen:

I feel like all of us at some point in our life have been the strong friend or have had a strong friend

Chloe:

that God, yeah. Or you're told like, you're so strong. I don't know anybody who could do it. Like, you know how you do it, you wanna just like punch him in the face'cause you're like, no, like literally treading right now. Or like,

Kristen:

I don't have a choice but to do it, so what am I supposed to do? Because nobody else is gonna do it, so I gotta be the strong one. Yeah. There ain't nobody else. So yeah, we're here episode 10, the strong one. I'm so excited to be here today with you. Let's jump into it. Bestie. Let's go. Yes. All right, so number one, I feel like we don't check in on the strong people enough. For sure. Don't you agree with me? Yeah. Like, because the strong people, normally, they are just the ones who they smile no matter what. Yeah. I feel like I'm literally about to talk about myself right now. And I'm gonna try not to cry in the first two seconds of her episode.

Chloe (2):

Yeah.

Kristen:

But when you are the strong one, people don't,'cause you come to work with a smile on your face, you walk through life with a smile on your face. You, no matter what, get up, you know, in the morning without fail. Because sometimes when you're strong, you don't have a choice and you have to get up. Yeah. So I feel like people don't normally check on the strong people because they're the ones that seem Okay. Yeah. Even when they're not, you know, yeah. Tell they wear a mask. Very, very, very Well. I think you

Chloe:

should tell the viewers a little bit about like, what is your personality type?'cause I know we were talking about it earlier, like, are you an empath? A feeler?

Kristen:

Are you, you know, I feel like I'm those things times 62,000. I've been in empath, like a feeler my entire life and um, I truly believe that's why I got into nursing. Yeah. Because I've always been a feeler and an empath. Um, my mom is definitely, don't you think she's an empath? Oh, for

Chloe:

sure.

Kristen:

I would say so. For sure. She

Chloe:

cares deeply about how. Others feel like, for sure, which is a, and how

Kristen:

others feel about her, which I'm trying to help her through for sure. Yeah, she's doing a lot better, which we've been through that as well. How

Chloe:

people feel about us, like yeah, a hundred percent of course. Wanna be liked, wanna be loved, wanna be, you know, um, valued, you know. Well, and when

Kristen:

you're not strong in who you are as a human. Unfortunately, you tend to take people's, like their feelings and all of those things. When you're in empathy, you take it and you feel almost jaded in a way, if that makes sense. Yeah. Like you take it and you. Internalize it and it, it has nothing to do with you.

Chloe:

Right.

Kristen:

You know? Oh yeah. But that's how EMPAs are for sure. Yeah,

Chloe:

that's, it's so good you said that because I know there's been so many times, like with me personally, where I will, I'm better now at it, but I would like take in what people would say and feel it so deeply, but then I would go into fix it mode.'cause I know you remember that from before when we were friends. Now I try to be a little more chill, but you know. Try to fix, fix, fix. And even if I find myself getting tired or like irritated, I'll go back into that mode. But yeah, it's, it's like a blessing and a curse. It's, we are gonna talk about today, like when you feel so deeply and you care so deeply. I do believe like it is a gift that God gives us as women is to be able to be the nurturers and to be able to be the ones that take on other people's burdens. But whenever we. Don't know how to process that or let it go or give it to God for them, or if we're not healthy. I don't know if you know how to explain that better. Feel like if you just been really

Kristen:

bad. No, it's, I mean, it's hard and. When you take everybody's stuff in all the time. I'm about to look at the camera'cause I was told I have it. To do this, do it because it's really important.'cause I'm talking to you guys, you're not just her, but when you're an empath especially, I mean I'm a huge empath. I'm a huge feeler. And when you are not comfortable or okay like with yourself and you're still not healed. You unfortunately take everything that everybody says or does or everything, and you like literally internalize it. But then you also, like you said, you try to fix it yourself and you are not fixed. Yeah. But you're trying to fix everybody else and everything around you when you yourself are crashing and burning on the inside. Yeah. Because you, number one, don't take care of yourself. And unfortunately, a lot of times you don't have anyone to take care of you either. If that makes sense. Mm-hmm. Like I haven't had a partner for seven years, you know, I haven't had a husband, I haven't had another parent. So with that it's like, how do you. Do what you have to do because you're an adult. Yeah. Let's be honest, we're all adults. We all have to like show up for our kids and everything else. But how do you also take care of yourself in the meantime when you are an empathy and a strong human? And that's truly like I we're gonna dig into that too. I can't wait. I'm so excited because there's a lot of people like us in this world.

Chloe:

Yeah. You know, I think it's key. And it's even like I was thinking as you were talking, it's like when we are healed. Even after we, you know, go through healing. And healing, to me, I feel like is like lifelong, right? Because we're gonna constantly be hurt. We're gonna constantly have things happen. Yeah, we hurt hell, we don't need anybody to hurt us. We hurt ourselves. That part, you know, like we hurt ourselves. So it's also like knowing what I've had to learn is okay, even when I am healed or in a really good place, I still don't need to fix it.

Kristen:

No.

Chloe:

Like I still don't need to fix it. They have to fix it. So the thing

Kristen:

is that people have to learn to fix themselves.

Chloe:

Yeah.

Kristen:

We can't fix them.

Chloe:

Yeah. Which is the cool thing about faith in God. Amen. Is knowing like he will do it. Yes. Like even if that person that's going through it or if it's us going through it, we don't see it. God is gonna open doors and he's gonna do things. Yeah. Which me and you have been talking about. Yeah. Because our lives have been crazy the past few months. Yeah. He's gonna. He's gonna show us, you know, what it looks like.'cause he doesn't see time the way we do.

Kristen:

No.

Chloe:

You know, and that's, that's something too, I was literally just talking to Brody about it the other day. My son like. God doesn't see time the way we do. He's not stressing about the small things. Mm-hmm. He's not stressing about, you know, what, you know, how are you gonna pay your bills? How are you gonna do this? Like, because

Kristen:

he sees what he's gonna do in the end. Yeah. And like, I literally have full body chills right now. But that's the truth. It's because he sees what's gonna happen. We're humans.

Chloe (2):

Yeah.

Kristen:

And we stress and want to control everything so badly, but at the end of the day, God just wants us to give him the control because if we do, he's gonna make it beautiful for us. Yeah. You know? So, so much

Chloe:

better than we could ever do,

Kristen:

ever. Thank God. So yeah. Thank God for that. So

Chloe:

tell me a little bit about your leadership in nursing and how that. Really makes you, because I know you're in charge Yeah. As a nurse. Yeah. And you also are like a preceptor. Yeah. And you, you've been in nursing a long time. Yeah. So help our viewers who you know, may be in a leadership platform at their job, like hundred percent. Hear some. I love some moments. That has been really hard though, for you to. Be strong when you were just like, I've worked a 12 hour shift, like I can't be strong right now. Or times when you've had to be strong over and over, how you've kind of walked through that. Yeah,

Kristen:

so I have obviously been a nurse for 13 years. Um. My old unit I was in, I was on for a decade. I worked there for 10 years. I was in charge for eight. I was actually talking to my boyfriend about this last night. Like your

Chloe:

boyfriend? Yeah. Y'all. She has a boyfriend. I do. She's not talked about him, but we're gonna get into that in the other episodes or now Whenever you want. Whenever.

Kristen:

Yeah, he's great. His name's Brandon. Brandon. He is so sweet. Um, but. I feel like God definitely put me on this earth to lead because of the way that I am as a human. I led, I was in charge of a floor for eight years out of 10. Tell them the floor too, because it's,

Chloe:

that was a really sad floor. Yeah,

Kristen:

it was. Um, surgical oncology. So surgical cancer, they would have huge, you know, 10, 12 hour surgeries and then they'd come to us to recover afterwards. They'd usually be there for a week or two. Um, a lot of people would get readmitted because of infections or. Different things. So it, when the

Chloe:

return rate of the cancer, I only worked on her floor for like, I don't know, a year or two and I mentally, it was tough. I was so drained. I was like, this is eating me alive. Yeah, it was so

Kristen:

sad. Like it's really sad. And it's also a really hard floor to work on emotionally, physically, like. Mentally in every way. Because you're thinking so fast for four people who are very sick.

Chloe:

Well, and people don't understand too, with nursing, like, and you should talk about the mental load a little bit. Like you're not having time to eat No. To go to the bathroom. No. And these are 12 hour shifts. Like you can't go get your little eggs and bakey downstairs in the cafeteria like. If it's all you can do, probably to get grits on a good day. Cheese. On a cheese, cheese grits. Which a good day. On a good day. Good. They're so

Kristen:

good. If you work at ECU Health, you know those cheese grits are something else. So good. You cheese that cheese brown castle though. I wish they'd bring it back. Oh, um, I never got that, but yeah. Tell them a

Chloe:

little

Kristen:

bit about the mental load. And I know there's probably a million nurses actually watching this, which is why you talk about it, which is crazy. So nursing is something that like people don't talk about enough. That's for damn sure. I told my mom last night, I was on the phone with her and I was crying. I told her, I said, it doesn't matter where you go, what floor you go to, where you go as a nurse, it's always gonna be one of the hardest jobs in the world. It just is. Oh yeah. It just is. I have so much respect for you. Um, it's wild, man. But. The mental load is hard because you are thinking for four to six people for 13 hours.

Chloe:

Walk them through your day, you know, like when you wake up in the morning, what time you wake up and what it looks like. Like. So

Kristen:

I wake up at five 15, I have to be at work at 6 38. Um, the second I get there, I get report. I'm in charge. I'm in charge of 40 patients, and on my unit, half is one sort of patient. Half is a different kind of patient. So that's a challenge in itself because there's. Pretty much two separate units. Um, so I get just in charge of 40 sick people, no big deal. Well, not just 40 sick people, but also seven nurses. Yep. Six care partners. A secretary. Normally at least two or three sitters.'cause I work on a floor where there's um, you know, patients with dementia, psychiatric issues, things like that. Yeah. So the floor that I work on is a challenge because we have a lot of patients that become violent, um, and they also. I have a lot of drug issues, so they get very angry and they're very like up and down. You kind of don't know how they're gonna be. So when you're a nurse. Especially if you're a good nurse. I hate to say it like this, but if you're a good nurse, yeah, you're gonna take care of your patients before you eat. You just are. Yeah. Especially if there's things going on. I remember I've learned to like, you know, take a second and go grab a cheese stick or something like that. But at the end of the day, like I've always been the nurse, I'm going to take care of my people before I take care of myself. It's just who I am and it's what makes me a good nurse and a good leader. It's not the best thing in the world, but um, I think leadership. Good leadership is when you get to know your staff. Mm-hmm. When you get to know the people that are supposed to trust you. Mm-hmm. And the kind of leader I've always been, I know my nurses, I know my staff, I know about their families. I know what they're going through. I. Check in on them. And a lot of people didn't agree with my leadership style, unfortunately, because I do care so much, but because of that, when I was there, they knew I always had their back.

Chloe:

Yeah. Well, and y'all are a team, like when it goes, it's a team when it goes down in a hostile. Hospital like you better,

Kristen:

you better trust the people that you're with. Mm-hmm. And if you, if you don't show the people that you're with, that you truly care about them and you don't show them that you care about them unless you know who they are on the inside, you know? Yeah. Well,

Chloe:

and also you didn't say this, but then you have the family members too, that you're over when you are in charge. Yes. You're dealing with family stuff.

Kristen:

When you're in charge, you're literally putting out fires. That's what you do for 12 hours. You. Are the one that has to fix everything. Bet every your single person. Single person paper is

Chloe:

crazy. I bet your little paper's crazy.

Kristen:

Every single person goes to you. Yeah. Oh yeah. My paper's crazy girl. I write all the things. Mm-hmm. Sometimes I draw a daisy or two because I just need a minute to breathe, you know? Yeah. But what I wanna say, I am not gonna keep talking about that, but what I wanna say is this. If you're a leader at your job, I'm gonna talk to the camera. If you're a leader at your job and. You don't take time for yourself during the day. Sometimes I just go in the bathroom and sit there for five minutes because I need a breath. Because if you don't, you can't lead your team effectively. You have to take care of yourself as a leader. Like it is the most important thing. And I mean, me and Chloe know because we, you know, have also been doing Sensei for over a decade. Gosh, crazy. And we had to lead in that company as well, so. Leading to completely different things, but also it still goes back to the core values of like, you have to take care of yourself. The strong person. It doesn't matter how strong you are, you will still crash and burn. Oh yeah. You

Chloe:

need to say that in the camera.

Kristen:

It doesn't matter how strong you are, you'll still crash and burn every single day. Like I know, I know how strong I am as a human. I have been a single mom for seven years. I have been raising two kids completely by myself, like God. Gave me that task because he knew I could handle it and he knows how strong I am. But I've crashed and burn many times over seven years because I wasn't taking care of myself. Mm-hmm. Doesn't matter how strong you are, you're still gonna crash and burn.

Chloe:

Yeah. You

Kristen:

know, so.

Chloe:

Yeah. And like speaking of leadership, because Yeah, I was, when I was a nurse, I remember'cause you would be in charge.'cause we worked on the same floor. It was really cool. Yeah, we did. Um, one of my four nursing jobs I had and your floor was definitely my favorite. Not even though it was the hardest floor I've ever worked on. We get, we

Kristen:

get, um, we get. Fresh total laryngectomies. Yeah. I don't even know. That is where Fresh Whipples. Fresh Whipples, where they reroute your bowel system. Also, I should have been a doctor or a nurse practitioner, but I never was. Yeah. Which is crazy, but my knowledge, like what I've learned in my, like it's, it's insane. But yeah, they reroute the bowel system. It's like a 14 hour surgery. Most people. Their life expectancy afterwards is not good. Yeah, it's, you know, it's wild. Yeah. We called'em whippers.

Chloe:

Yeah. It was rough. Like, so I remember just everything you're saying, like I remember watching too, you know, you guys in charge. And also having my patients and dealing with conflict resolution and having to, you know, be there for those patients and family members with diagnosis that were not good. Mm-hmm. And. You know people now, like I was in, gosh, I was in my twenties when I worked in the hospital, but I remember seeing women that were like in their mid to late thirties that are my age now that had cancer and all these things, and I remember thinking, wow, like that's not far off for me. And now it's, yeah, it's like I'm that age with kids and it's like you're in those environments every day, like every day. Seeing these people that. Are your same age and that are super sick. And I don't think people understand the mental load of that. And especially in leadership, like'cause you have, you do have to be strong. And that's why it is a balance. And I'm so glad we're talking about this episode. It's not. God did put you in that position for a reason and you must be strong. So we can teach others to be strong, but also that part for

Kristen:

sure you sometimes, yeah, and he gives me moments though. Like I was there two days ago and I had a patient, I. Last week, who really wasn't that sick? When I left, I had kind of gotten her straight. And then when I got there two days ago, girl, she was so sick when I walked in, I almost cried. Mm. Because nobody had really paid attention. It wasn't our staff, it was other people. And um, I walked in and she said, oh my gosh. And she started crying and she was like, thank God you're here. And I was like. You are what? What have they done to you? Mm-hmm. And because of me, not to be that person, but because of me, she was transferred that day back to the, to the cardiac tower where thank God they're fixing her and stuff. But she looked at me and she said, you are walking in your purpose.

Chloe (2):

Yeah. Yeah.

Kristen:

And like he gives me moments and I think that's so big and you know, really listening when you're in environments like that to like. Listen to what God gives you because you have to know that you're there for a reason.'cause it's hard. Yes.

Chloe:

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so good. Um, and I even know just from transitioning when I left the hospital and just was fully doing my direct sales business, like, you know, we were doing coaching calls and doing all those things. Yeah. And um, I just look back especially,'cause even when I got pregnant with Cece, I was like. 35 pounds heavier than I am now. When I got pregnant with her, like I just gradually was getting like more unhealthy. More unhealthy. More unhealthy. Yeah. And I when it's almost like too, when you help people, it like gives you this like high because you are like helping people. And I remember like being at a point after I had Cece of just like. Thinking, I literally can't snap out of this. Like this is literally how my brain is wired now. And so I'd went through like another year after having Cece of just. Continuing to coach people and continuing to help people. When I look back and I'm like, oh my gosh, like I should have like stopped. Stopped for one second because if you're not good,'cause you were

Kristen:

not.

Chloe:

Yeah, and then it just. It creates like somebody, right? You look in the mirror and you're like, I don't even know like who that person is anymore. And that's how I looked at myself a long time.

Kristen:

Well think pictures of both of us from back then. Yeah.'cause I've even started looking at stuff. I forgot what I looked like back then. I look like a completely different person too. You do. You know?

Chloe:

Yeah. And yeah, it's just, you kind of lose yourself sometimes in leadership and I think that's really cool to, yeah. Gain perspective on for our viewers is like, as a leader, it's a gift. Being strong is a gift. Um, I think it's wonderful to help other people and to teach them, but then it can also be a curse because you end up getting lost in your gift so much that you forget that God cares so much more about Yeah, us. And he wants to

Kristen:

take care of us and he wants us to take care of ourselves, right? So we can truly walk in our purpose.

Chloe:

Right. And I look now and I'm like. I feel I don't do nearly as much as I used to do. Yeah. As far as how I lead. But I still look and I'm like, I know I'm leading. It's just a different way. Yeah, and that's what's cool too, is you can transition and go in different seasons, which I know you've been Oh yeah. Going through that too, especially like. In our direct sales business. The past few years, we've really learned like, okay, we don't have to die on the cross of somebody else. That part

Kristen:

No.

Chloe:

To be successful. And is that what success really is? No, it's not. To me. I don't want, I. You know the, I don't wanna hustle forever. No. You know, like, and we used to think very differently, but now it's like, no, you can be strong and have boundaries now of just'cause we did it that way before. Doesn't mean we gotta do it that way now. Well,

Kristen:

because it sucked the ever loving life out of us and. We had no idea. One thing I really do want to talk about real quick though. Yeah. Because like we both talked about this on the way here, is we both took so much time to be quiet. Yeah. Once we realized we were not okay, you know, like we were living. Trying to be these strong women trying to take care of everybody else. For years and years and years and years, we both crashed and burned. And then, you know what we did? We were silent. Mm-hmm. We were both silent for years. You were like three. Yeah, I was like two. I would literally sit on my porch. I would pray. I would read. I would do so many things. I would have good conversations almost. I was trying to think of like what I really did during those two years when I was quiet. Mm-hmm. I definitely went back to church. Not like I wasn't in church, but I was in church, you know, I was really reading the word and um, and I also was back in the gym. That was huge for me. Yeah. Like I was working out a lot. Same. I've been an athlete my whole life, as have you. So when we are not moving our bodies consistently, that's really not, I think I got back into Orange Theory at that point too. Maybe a little bit before that. Yeah.'cause

Chloe (2):

you were there before me. Yep,

Kristen:

for

Chloe (2):

sure.

Kristen:

Yep. So I think it's so important to take time. Once you realize like you're not okay to have a quiet place, but also to make sure that you don't have a quiet place where you're by yourself completely. Yeah. Because you can't go through that season completely by yourself. You need people who love you. Yep. People that you can trust. And I, I think I might have got off there, but Yeah, like you have to take a minute because I mean, we talked about it, you know, if you're. If you're not, you're literally gonna crash and burn and we can't take care of nobody if we are crashing and burning. Yeah. Who would feed the kids?

Chloe:

I don't know. Who would feed your kids.'cause you didn't, you don't have Well, no. I mean, I literally would have

Kristen:

nobody if I hadn't have done that when I did, I don't know what would've happened to me or you.

Chloe:

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, and it's, that's so good. Like the quiet, like the quiet moments. It. I know for a fact, for me, I'm sure you felt similar, like those were definitely my hardest moments. Yeah. Because I really had to look at like why. How did I get here? Yeah. And like, why am I angry and why am I, why am I feeling all these feelings? And in the world we live in today with social media, it's so distracting and so easy to get online and read quotes or to get distract it with shopping. Or I could name a million things. And so like I would intentionally like. Do, you know, read the word, do my devotional, uh, make I completely got off Facebook. Yeah. Which is why a lot of people ask why I've been off of it five years. I just got off of it. Yeah. It wasn't

Kristen:

un it was unhealthy

Chloe:

for you. It wasn't a place for me where I was going to thrive. Yeah. I was just gonna compare myself. Yeah. You

Kristen:

know? And so I definitely didn't scroll for years. Yeah. I was, no, I was not scrolling. Like people would be like, I get stuck on there, blah, blah, blah. I'm like. I don't scroll. I might play word games on my phone. Like literally for years I, Harley was on social media. Yeah. I play Word games on my phone. I would play like pool with my mom. We would text each other and stuff. Like, you can find different things to do. Social media when you're not okay. Is not the place for you. Yeah.

Chloe:

Yeah. It's

Kristen:

just not,

Chloe:

and so the quiet, like, I love that you brought it up. It's just so important because that's where too like God can meet us and Exactly. You

Kristen:

can hear,

Chloe:

can heal us and. Can really show us like all these things, I feel like that we think matters. It really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. Mm-hmm. What matters is what God thinks of us, what our kids think of us, what our family, you know? Yeah. Our family that we wanna let in thinks of us, you know? Yeah. And that's really all that matters. And I think being strong does look like taking a step back and getting quiet. Being strong is when you decide to, you know, set boundaries not, and I think boundaries get taken in a really. Bad way now, but I think I do too. Boundaries can also mean you're not not scrolling. Yes, boundaries can mean that you're taking the time to. Develop healthy habits. Yeah. Like going to the gym. Yeah. Getting a devotional. Like the other day when I got us that matching devotional. Yes, I got it.'cause it was like nice and short. Yeah. And I was like, I'm in a really busy season. I know you are too. Yeah. And I was like, we have to be so strong for everybody else. We need to have a little something. Yes. So we can get some kind of direction for us from the Lord every day for for

Kristen:

sure. And it's so important to have that quiet, right? Yes. Being

Chloe:

strong looks like being vulnerable. Yes. Being strong looks like. I need, you know, I need

Kristen:

help. Right. Like literally, I was gonna say this too. I feel like when you go into that quiet season and you really are focused on yourself and you stop being that person that's like, I. You know, helping people or always the person to reach out to a friend or always that person you do realize too, who's really in your corner. Mm-hmm. And the other people really do filter out. Yeah. It was kind of wild how that happened. I'm so thankful and don't get me wrong, like there's people that I don't talk to, that I used to talk to that I still love very much, but you really do see like who's in my corner.

Chloe (2):

Yeah.

Kristen:

Like, who's gonna be there when things are not perfect? When I'm not here to fix you? Who's gonna be here to help me for a second? Oh

Chloe (2):

yeah.

Kristen:

You know, and I, like I say that a lot because I don't ask, you know, me, I don't ask for much from people. Mm-hmm. I'm, I've always kind of, you know, taken care of myself, done my own thing. Always been that person. But like, so, you know, if I ask for help, I need help. Yeah. Like, I am that person for sure. So I'm so thankful for the people that always showed up for me and for you, just like. I'm just so proud of us for doing what we did.'cause not many people do it, you know? Yeah. And I think

Chloe:

people are still pissed off and like salty about our friendship and salty about like what we've done or like that kind of thing.'cause I can feel that.'cause again, you know, I'm an empath like you and I can really feel, and it's like at the end of the day as a believer. I believe in not just second chances, but third and fourth. Amen. Unless it puts me at risk or my kids at risk safety or my family at risk. If I truly feel like God is, and the whole time we were not talking, I was. Heartbroken. Yeah. It wasn't just like, oh, this friendship sucks. Let me just block her on Facebook. No, it was, I was dreaming about it. Yeah. I was thinking about it like,

Chloe (2):

yeah,

Chloe:

God kept giving me signs like, you need to make this work. And I was like, I don't want to, like, she, you know, like, but then finally, oh, I completely understand. Yeah. You know, whenever we did talk, I was like, okay, it's because, yeah.

Kristen:

We needed, we needed all that time too. And I know that we've talked on other podcasts about like, you know, I wish I had showed up at your door and I wish this, and I wish that, but I truly do believe that like God does everything that he does for a reason. Yeah.

Chloe:

And it's like, but I showed up at your door today. You, you know what I mean? We do it now. And so it's Oh, a hundred

Kristen:

percent. Yeah. And I

Chloe:

was already having a rough morning. Yeah. And you had a rough night. Oh yeah. And they don't even know all that. No. I was like, okay, I am gonna wash my hair and I'm gonna do my makeup, makeup at my house myself. Yes, yes. Yeah. I was like, I gotta get myself together. Yes. But it's, it's just when it, I know we got off topic, and I know we're almost up, but it's okay. We always

Kristen:

get off topic. We're fantastic at that. I think being strong is

Chloe:

like being vulnerable with your friends. Being vulnerable too, with the people you love and care about and like. That's something that most strong people, most leaders, do not wanna do. No.'cause we just wanna No. Figure it out. But the thing is, is when you have friends and family members that you're close with, they're gonna know something's wrong. I can always tell something's wrong when you text you. Oh, you sure can. You can always tell something's wrong when I you, but that's why I've tried. Just as I've, I guess, gotten wiser to communicate with the people that I really love and care about and be like, look, I'm having like a rough morning. Yeah. Or like, I'll tell Justin, Hey, no, like, I need a minute to myself. Yeah. Like, you know, because again, most, I don't know, it's like we also gravitate towards people like us. You're a lot like me. I'm a lot like you. Oh yeah. Um, Justin's a fixer and a helper. So like, when I'm not Okay Brandon, he wants to come in and fix and help Brandon look brand. Look, I know you wanna fix and help and, but. I love you so much. I need a by myself, but I need like mentally to just process all the things that happened the day before. And you know, we, what did I say this morning? I said I literally have like mental health issues. Like, I mean, so

Kristen:

do I. We all have mental health issues. It's about like how you're getting whatever it is that's causing your mental health to go boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. It's how do I get whatever that is out, you know, number one, prayer number two. People that love you, you know? Mm-hmm. But I admit, we all do, girl. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like we're so lucky and blessed that we are okay.

Chloe (2):

Yeah.

Kristen:

Because of what we've been through and because of the mental health issues that we both do have. Yeah. And I mean, we can't, here's the thing, like our family, they all struggle with mental health. Mm-hmm. There's no way that we couldn't have been this way. You know what I'm saying? But we have fought so hard. To make sure that we are okay. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like we both have mental health issues and a lot of people do, but it's what you do with it.

Chloe:

Yeah.

Kristen:

So, and

Chloe:

that's what makes us strong. Yes. So it's a great Amen. It's a great way to wrap it up. So I can't believe

Kristen:

that was one episode. It feels like we just did 20, but like, I just feel like this is such an important topic because so many women walk around and like, pretend like they're okay. Because they're so strong. But at the end of the day, like you gotta take care of yourself because it's not worth it. No. Like it's truly not. And you, I don't like the way that I used to look. I didn't like the way that I used to be. At some point you get fed up with your own bullshit almost. You know what I'm saying? You're like, I'm not doing this anymore.

Chloe:

Yeah. Yeah. So, yay. Well guys, that's that. That is episode number 10. And. We just hope that you guys are, you know, really loving the stuff we're talking about. We hope that it's. Helping you guys that it's helping you think too and not be so freaking hard on yourself.

Chloe (2):

Yeah.

Chloe:

Um, because being strong also doesn't mean being perfect. It just means being who you are and Yeah. You know, walking through the journey of life with people that are gonna accept you Yeah. Who you are, but also call you to be better than what you are. Right. That part for sure. Yeah. So, yeah. So we love you guys and we'll see y'all next week. Bye. Bye.