Give Her The Mic

Healing Out Loud

• Chloe & Kristen

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The Power of Healing: Embracing Growth and Reconciliation - Episode 11

In Episode 11, we dive into the transformative journey of healing, sharing personal experiences and the impactful lessons learned. From addressing the importance of self-care and the symbolic nature of healing wounds to discussing the emotional challenges in relationships and the significance of saying 'sorry,' this episode is an open and honest conversation about growth. Join us as we explore the heartfelt stories of overcoming trauma, building trust, and finding peace through healing. Whether it's rekindling old relationships or nurturing new ones, this episode offers valuable insights on the path to emotional well-being and the essence of genuine human connections.

00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview
00:23 Fashion and Personal Style
00:46 Self-Care Tips and Mental Health
01:25 Understanding Healing
03:44 Personal Healing Journeys
04:28 Finding Love and Relationships
16:17 Challenges in Relationships
20:18 Importance of Communication
21:30 The Role of Friendships
22:09 The Dangers of Codependency
22:18 Trust Issues in Relationships
22:42 The Importance of Friendships
23:17 Intentional Quality Time
24:26 Family Connections and Healing
27:28 The Power of Apologies
31:44 The Journey of Healing
33:37 Reconciliation and Forgiveness
38:29 The Role of Community in Healing
41:25 Wrapping Up and Final Thoughts

Chloe:

Hello everybody. We are on episode 11. We're gonna be talking about some good old Healing. Healing and you know, we're just gonna, we're just gonna be really honest and really open and really, you know, honest about where we. Where we were and where we are now, and all the in between. Yeah. I'm excited about this episode though. I'm su

Kristen:

and I really like what we're wearing. Me and Chloe have always been like, super into black. Yes. We've been wearing black. I mean, I grew up in the city. She's always been a city girl. So like love, I feel really good in black.

Chloe:

Yeah. It's, it's a great outfit. I feel

Kristen:

really good in color, but like I just feel

Chloe:

black of I'm ready

Kristen:

in this outfit for this episode. That's, I don't know about You don't, no, not even a tiny bit. Okay. Also, I do wanna say if you ever feel like you need a superpower, put on a pair of hoops. Yeah. If you ever just having a bad day, please go wash your hair and put on a pair of hoops. Yeah. Wash your hair. Yeah. Wash your hair is number one. Watch y'all. Some of y'all take a shower. I'm telling you, I reset in the shower. If I take three showers a day just to feel better about myself, yeah. I will get back in the shower and take a breath.

Chloe:

Whoa. And if you see dandruff guys and oil, they do too. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. That's a whole, whole other topic. But yeah.

Kristen:

Like actually taking, well, yeah. I mean, I remember when I was depressed, so I wouldn't even brush my hair. No,

Chloe:

no. Wouldn't brush my hair. No, I was, yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Kristen:

So let's not talk about, well, we are gonna talk about some of that in this healing, because we're gonna talk about healing now.

Chloe:

Healing. What does that even mean?

Kristen:

Healing. Well, if you think about a wound, A wound, a really bad wound heals from the inside out, doesn't it? Yep. So like, yeah.'cause we have wounds at work and they're super deep and then as time goes on, they get, you know, the skin starts to grow and the tissue starts to grow up and eventually it's it, but

Chloe:

you can't itch. You can't

Kristen:

itch. The healing wounds. You're gonna

Chloe:

want to, but it gets open it back up. Oh, that's a whole, that's a whole thing. I

Kristen:

feel like that's an analogy, isn't it though? It's,

Chloe:

it's gotta be,

Kristen:

because when you're healing, you literally have to heal number one from the inside out. Yep. Because you cannot, you know, you can mask all day that you're good on the outside, but at the end of the day, like if you're insides aren't good, you ain't good.

Chloe:

Mm-hmm.

Kristen:

So that's number one. What was number two? I already lost it. You were saying it well, like right

Chloe:

when you're on the brink of healing. Yeah. With a wound, you know, like you wanna itch it so bad. Even with, you know, our kids when they've had like scabs, they wanna itch and it's like, no.'cause then you're gonna either make it bleed or you'll scar worse. Yes. Or you're gonna have to start from ground zero. So you have to just. Yes. Keep pursuing and keep healing. Yes. And don't you have to resist the urge to wanna go back to what is Yeah. Comfortable. Even if it's not healthy. That part, because

Kristen:

that

Chloe:

part there, I mean, even like this morning, like I could have laid in bed all day today. I know

Kristen:

baby.

Chloe:

Because when I'm like stressed I would just, I'm, I'm have an addiction. Type personality. I just do. And so I'll binge shows. Yeah. Or, um, that's what I do

Kristen:

too, when I'm depressed. Yeah.

Chloe:

Like to be in the dark. Yeah. Those kinds of things. And so that's why literally, I had texted you at one point and I was like, I, I sent you a picture. And I was like, I am taking a shower. Like. And I'm getting, I mean, and that was this morning. No, no, that was, that was, this is is real life. Yeah, it's life. And you even, like, you were like, I'm gonna do my devotional. I need a minute.

Kristen:

Yeah. I need to do my devotional. Yeah. Because yesterday at work was super rocky and rough and like I ran around all morning doing a bunch of errands because I'm a mom and I'm a single mom, so like. I have to do this stuff. I don't have a choice. So I was like, I'm gonna take a minute. And I think it's so important and I'm so proud of you for saying that you need a minute this morning because like we never used to do that. No. But now we know what we need. So like even last week and I went through something really major.

Producer:

Mm-hmm.

Kristen:

Um. About a week ago now. Yeah, it's, yeah, it's been a week and I, emotionally and mentally, you know, was like, I was, whew girl. I was, it's probably one of the hardest things I've been through in a minute. And I knew I had to get out of town, like I knew in order. To truly take care of my children.'cause like I said, I am a single mom, but even as a parent, even with you having a partner, when you're going through something like, and you know that you have to get away, you have to know it's okay as a mom to take a minute and breathe because if you don't like, you literally cannot be there for your kids. So that's what I did. I left town, um, my wonderful boyfriend, Brandon. Who I do actually wanna talk about a little bit right now.

Chloe:

Yes. I mean this is the episode on healing. Might,

Kristen:

well, might as well. And you told me I appealed so much because of men, because this is the best

Chloe:

man you've ever dated. Yes. Because I've asked you so many times. Yes. I've been like, what's different?

Kristen:

So, um, all things. I actually, after our first date, I came home and I made a TikTok that somehow got deleted because I didn't save it, but I guess I was just like super, ah. But I did say, I said this, I just met my husband, like I met my husband. I can't believe it. Like I don't. Even know what God is doing, but like, I waited for him for so long. You did. You know, like I literally, so I obviously went through a lot of trauma with men, as all of you guys know, I went through so much trauma with men and, um, I didn't date for years. I dated for a little bit and then I just stopped dating. And I do really wanna touch on this time because, um, about, gosh, now it's been. A little over two years ago, actually no, about two years. Yeah, two years. I was dating a guy. Um, we only talked for a couple months, but he literally asked me to be his girlfriend, mind you. And then he cheated on me after like two months, and it was. It was really hard, like it was shocking.

Chloe:

Oh,

Kristen:

I

Chloe:

was like, say, what guy is this? And then I remembered it was

Kristen:

shocking to say the least, because he was older than me. He was 45, um, and seemed like he had himself together. And also I trusted him completely, like I truly did. I never thought that he would've done that. It was so out the blue and it hurt. So bad I started having panic attacks. I can't imagine that way, girl. That

Chloe:

would wreck me. You know how I am with that. Anyways, it was shocking. It

Kristen:

was just super shocking because also too, like I had taken such a break from dating. I was like, I'm not gonna do this. I just, you know, the men. In our dating pool these days, unfortunately, there's a lot of people who are unhealed who are trying to date, and it's very like, it really hurts. Like they really hurt people when people who are unhealed or dating, they hurt people, period. And so I took a break, put myself out there, dated this guy, went really bad, and then I started having panic attacks and that's truly like, mm-hmm. I wanted to talk about sharing a time where you didn't think that like healing would happen for you, because I thought so much. Let's talk about that. I thought so much that I had healed from all these men. I had put myself back out there and then that happened and I started having panic attacks and I've never in my life, like I guess I don't know if I've ever had those before. I thought it was something more so to do with my heart. But it was truly like panic attacks. Like I felt like my heart, my heart would get like in a rate of like one seventies, one eighties, I felt like I couldn't breathe. I occasionally would pass out from it. And um, and it was because I was just like so blindsided by this and it hurt really bad. So then I didn't date for a while after that either. Like I took a big break, you know, I went in a couple days with people here and there, but other than that I was like, this is not worth it to me. And people kept saying they were like. You know, go on dating apps, go on dates, do this, do that. And I kept telling you, I was like, God's gonna do it when it's time. Yeah. Like, God's gonna gimme the man of my dreams when it's truly time, because I, I'm not, I'm not trying to find a man anymore. Like I'm over this, like, I'm done. Like I'm not doing it. And so I just prayed for so long for a man. Forgot to put a man in my life that like truly loved me like Jesus. That was number one for me. Like I wanted someone to love me like Jesus. Yeah. And someone who, and who prays, who prays that would for you? I would ask. I would ask guys on dates. I would say, do you pray? Like literally it's just like, I'm not gonna. Be with a man whose faith is not strong. Yeah. My boyfriend literally goes to church twice a week,

Chloe:

like takes her to church no matter what. And it's like a, even if I'm exhausting, it's like an old school church, y'all. It's like, it's Pentecostal. It's, yeah. Yeah. It's gotta be right? Yeah. It is Pentecostal and yeah, like yeah, I remember that. I remember like last Sunday, or the Sunday before I was texting you. I feel like it was this past Sunday.'cause you went to church, right? Yes. Every Sunday I called

Kristen:

in. Yeah.

Chloe:

And you were like, I'm just. So tired, but I'm getting ready for church. Yes,

Kristen:

because, and it's so funny'cause we got outta the truck when we got there and his uncle looked at me and you know, I still was an emotional mess. I still was like, not completely okay. Because of what happened that week. And I got outta the trunk and, and, and his uncle was like, are you good? And I went to church and a Snoop Dog t-shirt and some jeans.

Chloe:

Oh, I love that t-shirt. I

Kristen:

did. I was like, this is all I have to wear. I don't know what y'all want from me. And he looked at me, he is like, you good? I said, yeah. I mean, I'm at church. I'm in a Snoop Dogg shirt, but I'm exhausted, but I'm here. And he said, well, you got the right kind of influence. You knew he'd get you here. Amen. And I said, I knew that he would. Amen. Amen. Yeah. So I just feel like I feel lucky. I feel really, really, really lucky. Brandon is a very peaceful man. He listens, he does not judge. He, um, loves me in a way that I've truly never experienced from a man. Mm-hmm. And it's something that I feel like women deserve. Yeah. And most women don't get.

Chloe:

Yep.

Kristen:

But I think that in order to get it, you number one, have to get away from the people who are treating you the opposite. And then you have to take time to truly like. Realize what you need from somebody. And sometimes you don't even need know what you truly need until it comes and then you're like, okay, God, this is exactly what I've been waiting for for so long. So, yeah. Yeah. Well,

Chloe:

and I love to, I haven't even met him yet, which is crazy. No, she hasn't. Um, but I can just tell in how. You are and how, you know, like you've been, I would say, in a, in a good mood. Good place. Yeah. You for a while, you know, since I've been talking. Since we've been talking again, but like now you just seem like that, you know, that hole that needed to be filled, I, that God really came in and like. Showed you that and through him, and not because you needed him, but because God was like this. It was a gift, is the puzzle piece that you need to have and like it's been really cool just to like watch like how happy you are because you deserve that. And especially essentially starting over it. 42 years old. Yeah. Like I can't imagine the amount of women that are in your position right now that feel like they can't start over or feel like, yeah. You know, I don't know, like trapped. Yeah. So I think it's really healing that people get to see you being Yeah. So happy. And I'm 42

Kristen:

years old. I have a son who's 17 and a half. He just graduated from high school. I have a son who's 15 and I'm truly prepared to start the next chapter of my life with this man. I love it. So, and see what God does. I have no idea what's gonna happen, but I'm so excited. I literally

Chloe:

can't wait to plan all the things with your friends. I can't wait for me and your friends to like plan. Everything it's gonna be, it's gonna be so great. I know. So, but to get there, you had to go through the bad ones. You had to go to go through the. All those horrible things. And you've talked about a lot of it in the podcast. Like it's not Yeah. I feel like

Kristen:

people right now are probably clapping when they just heard what I said. Yes. Because you know, like as women, um, we go through too much. We go through weight too much with men, and I know you and I talk about that a lot. Mm-hmm. Some of these men really will take the feet. Take your feet from like out from underneath you and you just land completely on your back. Yeah. And you feel like you can't get back up.

Chloe:

Yeah.

Kristen:

But through God there's so much healing. Because too when you're, when men have done a lot of things to you and everything else in between, you do feel almost broken and like gross and all of those things, but like. The way that God views us and how like Jesus is and all of those things, like that's not how he sees us. Right. And once you truly like find yourself and realize how beautiful you are, like outside, inside, all of those things, I think that's when God put someone in your life that, because if he put Brandon in my life years ago, like I would've walked all, there's no way we would've worked. Yeah. There's no way. You know?

Chloe:

Yeah. And I feel like too, you know. When you find somebody that you have a soul tie with, which I don't, we're not gonna talk about your past relationships, but I don't truly feel like you've ever had a soul tie. Yeah. Now you have somebody like that and you know, you know a lot about me and Justin's relationship. You know how hard it's been. Like, I'm not even gonna get into that. But I've always told you there's like this soul tie I have with him, and I even told him yesterday. I said, it's you and me. Yeah. Like as long as I've got you. Yeah. And you're healthy though. Yeah. That part. You know? And you're healthy. Yeah. And I'm healthy and we're communicating and we're together.

Kristen:

Yeah. As

Chloe:

long as I got you, it's you and me. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. And that's when I see. You and Brandon, I'm not comparing our relationship.'cause you know, mine is pretty messy, but No, but when you have a soul tie to somebody, it's like you literally can't help but feel like that is the piece.

Kristen:

Yeah.

Chloe:

That. And that doesn't mean he's perfect and you're perfect and that doesn't mean. Because we're talking about, I was like, are we talking about healing? Yeah. You know, healing out loud is gonna be, I'm sure you know, y'all are gonna get in argument other, I mean, this is, oh yeah, we

Kristen:

already have too, because, and you should, what people don't realize is that like you should, when you get to know somebody, like. You don't really know them like you don't know, like anything about them at all. Well,

Chloe:

and you're primarily with your kids. It doesn't matter. You, I mean, you're with

Kristen:

the kids all week, so you're really only seeing him on the weekends. And we talk, you know, during the day we, you're dating and that's the thing, we FaceTime every night. The first, our first day that we ever talked, he was like, can we talk? Every night before we go to bed. And I was like, wait, what? What did this man just say? Because usually men, they're like skirting to the left. You know what I saying? Can't find him. Flag for, dunno where they are. Talk and we have, we've talked every single night and no matter what, but it's like when he doesn't drink, which was a super No, he's been sober for five years. Yeah. He's super green.

Chloe:

Flag. Yeah. When you told me that, because you know, you're like me, like we have addictive personalities for sure. We like to have a good time. Yeah.

Kristen:

Oh yeah.

Chloe:

If it's there, oh yeah. We could probably do it.

Kristen:

Yeah.

Chloe:

And so it just made, I'm made me feel so good to know, like even when y'all first started dating, remember he would go and hang out with friends and he would be at the barn. You'd be like, why are you at the bar? And it's literally because he just wanted to be with his friends and be social. Yeah. He loves his friends. But you've never been around. I had no idea a man like that who would just go to a bar. Mm-hmm. And be social and then go to church the next day. Little that's no drove, I feel like wildly different for You drove from Wilmington?

Kristen:

Yeah. I remember like midnight and went to church the next morning and you were

Chloe:

like so sketched out about it in the beginning. Remember you were like, no, there's no way. Like what? And it and now you're, it triggered me big time. Yeah, it really

Kristen:

did. But. Thank God he's a man who like I can be honest and open with him and communicate like, this is how I'm feeling, please. And I'm also the kind of person like I have to understand. Yeah. If I don't understand what's truly going on, I will think, and most women are that way. We overthink when we don't understand.

Chloe:

Yeah.

Kristen:

So. By communicating and asking questions, you get understanding, which makes you not overthink as much. Yeah,

Chloe:

well, and it's like, this is what you prayed for, so Yeah. Why are you surprised? That part, you know, it's like God does answer prayers. He does. He does. And so if we

Kristen:

align with him, yeah, because y'all

Chloe:

been dating how many months now? Only

Kristen:

like two and a half. Two and a half, three months. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. I thought so. But I feel

Chloe:

like it's like when, you know, I just met him, you know, man. Oh yeah, no, was when you, it was quick and I'm just, I'm so happy for you. So. Healing. Healing. Yeah. Like, you know, I know you shared like when you were kind of in the thick of it with, you know, your healing and in relationships and stuff and Yeah. I mean, I think since we're talking about relationships, I'll talk about that. Like me and Justin have been through some really difficult times, like as you know. Yeah. And I remember this one time in particular. Um, I, you know, we'd had some stuff happen financially and like, you know, finances are a big thing when you're in a relationship. Huge. And I had found out some stuff and we just, were not managing our money. We just weren't doing a good job with it. Yeah. And I had been so like mentally unaware that I was just like, know, not paying attention. And so. I remember just being in the thick of like, I really am about to like leave this man. Like, and really battling like, you know, what is my life gonna look like? You know? And we've talked about this kind of stuff a lot. Oh yeah. But like, um, you know, it's been a blessing that. Things have changed in the sense of like, I feel like a lot of men, they don't wanna go to therapy. They don't wanna,

Producer:

yeah. You

Chloe:

know, they we're, women are easy targets. Sorry to look dramatic or to look like we we're doing all the things wrong. But I feel like from experience at being in a relationship for. 20 plus years with this man. You know, you're a product too of your environment. Both people are, your kids are a product, your mm-hmm. Spouse is a product. And so it was kind of, for me, we both were so unhealthy that it was just like, Hey, if this doesn't change right now, like, yeah, we're, this is, this is not gonna work. Yeah. And it's, it's still been like, you know, a work in progress. Yeah, for sure. I think everything. That's worth having is amen. But I don't wanna have a decent marriage or a good marriage. I wanna have a great marriage. Mm-hmm. I wanna be, uh, complimented constantly. Oh yes. I love attention. I wanna be taken on dates. I wanna be, you know, pursued. I wanna be chased. I wanna be, and I feel like that's kind of a lost art when you're It's with somebody so long. Yeah. You know, married 13 years this year and together for 20

Kristen:

Yeah.

Chloe:

You know. I used to think that's asking too much, and now I'm like, no, this is like, this is the, this is bare minimum for me. Yeah. You need,

Kristen:

we need to go on dates, right? We have to date as a couple and I wanna do

Chloe:

the same for him. Yes. I wanna compliment him more. I wanna like, you know, but it's just, it gets so complicated too, right? When you have. Kids and you're raising kids and Oh, yeah. Right. You're raising young kids. Yeah. How quickly things can just like fall through the cracks. Yeah. And well, and you really hard, that's busy. Especially

Kristen:

like, you know, Brody's in a bunch of sports. Yeah. Cece has all of her things going on. I think it's so normal, unfortunately, for couples to really just like. Focus so much on the kids and not on each other.

Chloe:

Yeah.

Kristen:

And it's dangerous too. And it is.

Chloe:

And I can feel it. Like it's

Kristen:

very dangerous. It

Chloe:

used to make me feel like super selfish when I would tell him like, Hey, you're not paying me attention. Yeah. Like, you're, you're going to throw the baseball with Brody. You're doing this or saying you're feeling guilty about this with the kids, but like, what about me? You've not even looked at me today. Yeah. That's what, yeah. So then it makes me not wanna look at you. And now guess what? We're not looking at each other. Yeah. For just passing by and then it spirals and then what's that? And

Kristen:

it becomes this huge thing. So that's why I always say like, it's so good. Even if, I mean, and I can definitely be a little bit sp at times, let's be honest. But like I'm always gonna tell you how I feel. Like I'm always gonna tell Brandon exactly what's on my mind in that moment, because if I don't, it will build up. Yes, I'm that person. Big time. Yeah. Just like you are. If we don't say how we feel. It will just be like this huge thing and then eventually we explode. So to me, I'm just like, let me just go ahead and get it off my chest. It's honestly like something that he could probably fix super quick, but I need to get outta my fields and communicate that to him and not expect him to just completely know what to do because he's a man. They're completely different. Men and females, like men and women are completely different species. Thank God. Yeah. Sorry Josh, but thank God we're completely different species, you know?

Chloe:

Yeah. And it's, I think that's a big part of healing, because you know, most of us have a spouse or a partner. Yeah. Like we have a partner that we're with, sorry, I said that wrong. And so for with a partner, you gotta thank, they're broken in certain aspects. And if it is a man that you're with. Most of them have not been in therapy or they've been through a lot. Yeah. A lot of men go through a lot of things from young do and I know And they don't

Kristen:

talk like they don't, they're not emotional creatures. Sad. It is. Very sad. It sad. I know. It's terrible. Things that

Chloe:

Justin's been through just when he was younger. Not his parents were great. I love his parents so much, but like just as a young, doesn't it

Kristen:

break your heart for him, man

Chloe:

and stuff that would happen to him. And I was like, yeah. Oh my gosh, that's so sad. Or like, and they

Kristen:

bottle it up, right? They don't talk about it. Men do not. And I've really tried and I'm like, I need you to talk to me. Yes. Like

Chloe:

I need communication. Yes. I told him that the other day'cause he's starting a new job and I was like, I need for you to communicate with me because it gives me anxiety and for sure it breaks trust when there's not that and it's like so different because. Women, you know, are not like that. No. You know what I mean? Like, no, we're

Kristen:

not.

Chloe:

So, but that's why you need your best friends. Yeah. You need your girlfriends, you need them. You

Kristen:

don't just need a partner. Also, by the way, yeah. Let me go ahead and say this in the camera. Please do Like I do have friends that literally only have a spouse or a partner, and they spend 24 7 with that partner. And don't get me wrong, I think it's a beautiful relationship and a great way to be, but you also need a friend. Okay. Like your husband is not enough. You also need a girlfriend. You need somebody else that you can confide in because at the end of the day, he is a man and we love him, but he's still a man and you need a girl. Like people get so caught up in their relationships too. It's almost like the opposite effect that they just. They don't have outside friendships and relationships. Yeah. And that is also dangerous. Oh

Chloe:

yeah. It's codependent for sure. It is. And I've been there so many times. And it's trust

Kristen:

too. I feel like a lot of it comes back to maybe they don't trust each other, which is why they don't have outside relationships with other people. Yeah. You know, like if you. I have trust issues for sure. I have worked on it so much and thank God Brandon is a beautiful soul and has been nothing but wonderful through it. But like, if you don't have trust in your relationship, you have zero.

Chloe:

Yeah,

Kristen:

nothing. And it's very, very, very dangerous.

Chloe:

Yeah. And it's just that all like is so good for us talking about healing. And I know like on the last episode we talked about having a support system when you're healing, which goes really good into having girlfriends because also since we're talking about men, it's. It's not fair. Like we really put a lot on them. We

Producer:

do.

Chloe:

You know what I mean? Yes. Like I feel really bad times for my husband. Husband. I really give it to him. I know. You know? Yes. And it's like he doesn't even know what the hell's going on. Really All I need is a date with my girlfriend. Yes. Or need to do something. Yeah. And that's why you do have to be intentional with your people that are important to you, with your friendships and specifically with, yeah. You know, you're closest friends and I have two really close friends. You and my stepmom, y'all are like my people. And I am looking lately and I'm like, I've gotta be more intentional about like making memories.'cause even like with Lee, with my stepmom, her love language is. Um, quality time.

Producer:

Mm.

Chloe:

And so that's why I was so glad. We gotta go to Greece and a lot of people,'cause you know, we went and it was a company trip that I'd earned, but everybody was like, where are you? And I was like, I'm with my stepmom and I'm with my family. Like, because that is important to her and important to me. At the end of the day, it's not about how many connections I have in life. It's about the people that I wanna build a life with. Yeah. You know what I mean? And I used to think that's it so differently. I used to think I need a bunch of connections and a bunch of people Ooh, I, that just gave me chill. Yeah. And now I look at it are so

Kristen:

you are literally like spot on though, because we have no idea. Like when we don't get to make memories again?

Chloe:

No. You have no idea. We have no

Kristen:

idea. You know, and you know

Chloe:

you're about to go visit some of your family. I,

Kristen:

yes. I have not seen my niece or my nephews in over six years now. And that's so good for the soul and I'm so, yes. It really is just to be like. With my family, my brother, I haven't seen him in like over a year. He's 18 months younger than me. My sister's 18 months older. Like literally, we're all super close in age. And you're a big

Chloe:

family girl, and I mean, your family got broken. Huge. Broken up. And my family's also very

Kristen:

small. I have a very, very, very small family. And um, is

Chloe:

your mom going down for four? The fourth or no? Yeah. Oh, she is too. My mom,

Kristen:

my dad, my brother. Yeah. My niece. Yeah. That's exciting. The boys, my boys were driving 14 hours. Y'all pray for us. Um, but no, it's just so important. That part is the most important to create memories with the people that you really care about. Yeah. It really huge put, put your phone down and really just like dig in and have conversations and also get to know them. Yeah. Like I feel like there's so much about my parents that I don't know that I really wanna know. Yeah. You know, and I feel like that. Once you really like ask the questions and, and sit and our parents sit down with them. Yes. Our parents are not the kind of people to just like randomly tell us everything. But like, I think asking your parents questions about everything is so important and they will tell you. Mm-hmm. My dad will. I just have to sit there and make him.

Chloe:

Yeah. You know, I learned so much about my dad just on, uh, the trip to Greece. I thought you did. That's beautiful. Learned that he used to be a surfer. Like all these cool things that I had no idea about, like. I learned, he told me stuff about him and my mom that I didn't know. That really gave me like empathy for my mom, which again, I'm not gonna say yeah. On the podcast because Yeah. I respect him and yeah, would never, I'm just not gonna, you know, talk about my dad at all, but, and he asked me not to, but when he told me some stuff about my mom, I was like, gosh, I feel really bad for her. Yeah. Like to have. I mean, she's a grownup now. But it's like you learn when you learn from your father and your parents about their childhood or things that they didn't wanna tell you, then it's healing for you for'cause Then you can start to understand exactly and what I

Kristen:

say, understanding brings. So much trust. Yeah. And so much everything else. But if you don't have conversations and ask the hard questions, sometimes you won't gain understanding and you, and you need time for that. Which is why I, I'm so

Chloe:

excited for And you've been talking about this trip for the past month. Yeah. And it's made me really happy to hear you. Thank you. Talk about it.'cause I'm like, this is so great. Like she's in a great relationship with her boyfriend. Yeah, she is. Really? Yeah. You know, excited. Yeah. You know, to see her sister and your brother. Yeah. And you know it's gonna, you're gonna come back and you're gonna feel so good

Kristen:

rejuvenated and that's healing for sure. You know what I mean? Hundred percent. Like,'cause you don't

Chloe:

know, like we were healing just saying this morning, we're probably gonna talk about it in season two. Like we both have a lot of changes coming up right now we

Kristen:

do

Chloe:

in our lives. And so it's, we so important that we spend time with. The people that we care about get back to the core the most. Always. Yeah, for sure.

Kristen:

A hundred percent. So

Chloe:

Anyw

Kristen:

who? Anyw who

Chloe:

So healing. Saying sorry to those that may have hurt, that you may have hurt before you were healed. That's obviously so key. What time are we supposed to

Kristen:

go to too, by

Chloe:

the way? We have like 10 minutes. Oh, perfect. Good.

Kristen:

Saying sorry

Chloe:

is so hard. It is for me. It is. Feel like it's easier for you. For me it's like. I like wanna watch them burn a little bit. Naturally. I feel like maybe

Kristen:

I pretend like it's perfectly easy for me, but I think sometimes I'm a very proud person too. From what I've noticed. I'm very proud and very stubborn, so, but I am also the person if I do feel like I've hurt someone. I immediately do say, I'm sorry, because the last thing, you know, me, I don't, you know, I don't wanna hurt anyone. That's the last thing I ever wanna do. Mm-hmm. But I do feel like when you're unhealed, and we've talked about this on multiple podcasts now, and when you're hurt by

Chloe:

that person, it's very hard and hard. Sorry, first

Kristen:

it's hard to say. Sorry. It's very hard to say sorry first For sure. Um, but it's also possible.

Chloe:

Yeah,

Kristen:

and completely doable, and I feel like a lot of people need to do it and don't do it. Like own up and say you're sorry.

Chloe:

Yeah.

Kristen:

Say I, I, I talked about that on a training years ago. Yeah. And it was like point number two.'cause I was like, if you, number one, you have to really like self-reflect and be like, where am I right now in my life? Like, where am I, how did I get here? Like, what am I supposed to be doing next? Like, where am I? The next thing you have to do is be like, is there anyone that I did wrong while I was unhealed? And if you don't get that out and say you're sorry mm-hmm. You can't get to the next step.

Chloe:

Yeah.

Kristen:

Because there's still so much inside of you that you haven't let go of. And I'm not the kind of person that I don't wanna keep anything in my body. Yeah. I want to feel completely like, you know what I mean? As everybody should has, but as

Chloe:

empaths, which we talked about in the last episode. Mm-hmm. It's hard. Mm-hmm. Because we do keep things in. Mm-hmm. Because we don't wanna bother anybody, you know what I mean? We don't wanna stress. Yep. Like I texted you that this morning. I was like, I don't wanna stress you out with what I'm going through. And you were like. Good. Listen, I don't care. No, you're like, I'm going through a lot too. That's what we're here for with each other. But the thing

Kristen:

is, if you're going through a lot mm-hmm. And at that moment I know like you're going through so much and I'm over here like having the worst day of my life, I'm gonna call my mom for 30 seconds. Yep. Because you have 25%. I might have 25%. Yep. I'm not gonna put my burden on you that second, but I have other people that love me, as do you. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? It's. So important to really like read the room and figure out like, what, what's going on right now? You know? Yeah, yeah. But I also, even if I had 25 and you, if you had 25, we'd still be taking care of each other. Oh, for sure. Because that's what love is, for sure. But yeah. You know?

Chloe:

Yeah. But I love, I love the fact that we're talking about, like saying, sorry. And I also think it's important, like for the viewers, for you guys to know it's important to say sorry, not expecting it in return. That's right. Like you're not saying, sorry. To get them to respond. You're saying sorry, because you genuinely feel sorry about what you did. Yes. Or how you possibly could have made them feel. And that's even like for it's golden us saying sorry to our kids, saying sorry to our, our partners saying sorry to our parents. Like I had a full meltdown like day one when I was in Athens with my family, like was not well. Yeah. And like watching my stepmom cry was like the worst. And so I told her like literally. An hour after we got back to the hotel, I was like, I am so sorry. Like I, you know, and it's the longer we, we wait to do those things. It's like there, there's so many things that. We all are sorry for on a daily basis. Oh yeah. There's things I can think of right now. I was

Kristen:

sorry that I didn't get our outfits

Chloe:

together for

Kristen:

the podcast. But

Chloe:

look, God did it

Kristen:

though He always does. You know, God did it though. Like there's so many things that you do feel guilty about throughout the day and things like that, but like the big things are what matter the most. Yeah. And those are things you really need to get off your chest Quick saying, sorry. It might be really hard, but it's, you gotta do it.

Chloe:

Yeah. And it gets better with time. It does, and it's, it's one of those things, it gets easier with

Kristen:

time for some reason. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah.

Chloe:

And it's like you should be saying, sorry. Yes. Like everybody should be saying. Yeah. Sorry. You know, it's. We mess up every single day. Oh yeah. And healing is messy, but that's a part of healing. Yeah. It's not just go to therapy and have your therapist tell you all these tools. Yeah. And things to do. It's also real life. Yeah. Healing is in action. Healing is like out loud. Like this episode we're talking about, you know? All the different things that we've healed from, and you've gotta not just own up for what you've done, but be be truly sorry. Like Yeah. For what you've, what you've done, because you want to be a better person, that part, not because, and not do it

Kristen:

again and,

Chloe:

and not, don't wanna repeat ban. No. I

Kristen:

mean, you can't really, don't you? I feel like. When you truly do heal and see how you were like back then when you weren't. Yeah. To me, like I'm never going back there. Oh yeah. Like I've never be and I know you aren't either. Yeah. So like. I will never make the same mistakes I did years ago. You know what I'm saying? Like I, I mean slide

Chloe:

like a little bit. Yeah. Oh, a hundred percent how start to slip. Yeah. Or you know, like right now, you know, mentally like yeah, there's so much going through some stuff mentally. So like, I'll. Start to feel a little depressed. Yeah. Or a little down in my mood. But then I'll be like, okay, I've got, I know I'm gonna feel better if I do these other things. That part.

Kristen:

Yeah. So I

Chloe:

need to do these other things. We don't stay there

Kristen:

like we used to. No. And I would stay there a long, long time, months. Me too.

Chloe:

You know what I mean? So, me too. Me too. Okay, so wrap

Kristen:

up.

Chloe:

Let's wrap it up with what happens when you heal. Yeah.'cause we got like 10 minutes left. I love it.

Kristen:

For us,

Chloe:

so when you're healed, this is so cool. When you're on the other side of it, right? Like we actually get to heal other people. Yeah. And that's why we started this podcast. We did the podcast. Podcast, literally. Yeah. We wanted to be able to, our story's just so unheard of. And

Kristen:

yeah,

Chloe:

I think honestly, I'm gonna just be really real and vulnerable. I think a lot of people are pissed. Or some people may be pissed about our story or that we literally became so close again because a lot of them are walking through this or having, they never had reconciliation. And with their friend or with, with that person. But it's like, don't be mad. Look at your own relationships that you're in. And if it's somebody like, just get over your damn self.

Kristen:

Yeah.

Chloe:

And if it's somebody you love and care about, have a conversation with them.

Kristen:

Yeah. And

Chloe:

that's what healing does. It allow, it's allowed us to open the door and be like, look, we are not perfect.

Kristen:

Yeah.

Chloe:

Nobody is, we're never gonna be perfect. But if you care about people, like we don't have a lot of time on this earth, like it is very limited. How much time, you know, like God cut the age a long time ago did with how long did people can live, you know, he did. And is, it's like, we've talked about this in the podcast, right? But like, it's like, is it really worth it? Is it really worth it? It's

Kristen:

not.

Chloe:

To stay mad at. And there are people where God closes that door and it is very visible. A hundred percent. And it's like that door is closed a hundred percent. You need to stop. Yep. If it loops around, it loops around. Yeah. But that door's closed. But then there's other doors where I feel like. People know that they need to have conversations or, and they know that they need to do it, but they can't do it because they've gone so much time That part without doing it. For sure. So I don't know if you wanna elaborate on Yeah,

Kristen:

I mean, I would love to talk about my sister for two seconds. Yes. Um, we didn't talk, you know, for about five years too, I think. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. We actually didn't really talk for like three years after my divorce and then for two years we did start talking again, but it was. It was a trust thing for sure. I love my sister, but she had hurt me and she knows that, um, and well, distance

Chloe:

is hard. Y'all are so far. Distance is hard. We don't live

Kristen:

close to each other. And I felt like the conversations that we had at first, I didn't trust her at first. You know, like we would talk, but it wasn't like I couldn't be myself with her, if that makes sense. So the conversations were very like. Just limited and blah, blah, blah, whatever. And then my mom, I know kept praying for us and I kept praying too about it because, you know, up until we didn't talk, she has been there essentially my whole life. You know, she's 18 months older than me and we've roomed together in college. We, um, you know, we shared a room my whole life. She was, she's my sister. And so, um, but now we've had, she said sorry a lot, truthfully. She really has, she's really apologized and I'm sure you

Chloe:

have to and I

Kristen:

have to.'cause I've said, I said a lot of things we both did because she, I, I mean, we had no

Chloe:

idea what you were going through because No, she didn't. She wasn't, didn't, she didn't experience it the way I did and other people

Kristen:

did. Yes, exactly. Exactly. So she didn't. Have the clarity on any of it. Mm-hmm. You know, she didn't, and unfortunately

Chloe:

she was just trying to protect you. She was. And not break up your family. Yes. She, you look back on it, she was for but, but she just didn't understand what you were going through. No,

Kristen:

but now you know, I say all that because like your mom

Chloe:

neither until she moved here. No,

Kristen:

she had no idea. Then she saw it. Yeah, she did. I mean, sometimes too, when it's not in your face, you have and I. Am the kind of person, you know, I wasn't gonna, I wasn't telling them everything that was going on behind closed doors. Yeah. I'm just not that person. Yeah. I was instead, unfortunately, sometimes when you're in relationships with people who it is a little bit toxic, you make excuses for them big time. Oh yeah. Make excuses for them. Anyw who so. I say all that because reconciliation, just like with me and you, like, I'm going to see my sister. I haven't seen my niece or my nephews in so long, and because of God and the power of healing through both of us and now like. Mean, I can literally tell her anything.

Chloe:

I love it

Kristen:

so much. I can tell her anything, and I'm so thankful. I'm just so thankful needed that you needed that relationship to be repaired. I did. I did. Did I? There's nothing like a sister needed to be repaired. No. There's nothing

Chloe:

like a sister. There's not. You're right. So and so I love that. Yeah. And, and so yeah, like that's the whole like healed people get to heal people now that we are. You know, and if I guarantee you, if we would've never had a conversation, we would still be pretty unwell. Oh yeah. I actually have no doubt about that. A hundred percent really needed. Each other really wouldn't have really mattered. Yeah. How much therapy we went in or whatever. When you have that much. Like hate build up against somebody. Mm-hmm. Or like, hurt, hurt. Not hate but hurt.

Kristen:

Yeah. Yeah.

Chloe:

And it is unresolved, right? Yeah. Whether that's friendship, um, partner. Yeah. Um, or sibling. You can't

Kristen:

be

Chloe:

whole. You can't be whole. No. And you can't be healed. No, you can't. And because you left things in a way where. So they weren't resolved. Sometimes that isn't the way God wanted it to be. Yeah. But because we're human, hardheaded, stubborn, whatever, we make it so much more difficult. Yeah. And it's so much better God's way, you know? Yeah. It's always so much better God's way. And so that's why I've loved, like with this podcast, we've just been able to kind of, yeah. Like we have a topic point every week. But yeah, we're, we're able to take it wherever because our goal is, you know, to help women, specifically women. You know, reach their potential, and you can't reach your potential if you just don't say you're sorry, if you're don't have reconciliation. If you're

Kristen:

mad about it, talk about it. Don't have accountability. I mean, you have got to hold yourself accountable for the things that you say and the things that you do. And if you can't hold yourself accountable. Then you really can't get any further from there. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. And that's really hard sometimes, like taking an inner look and really looking at yourself. You need camera. Okay. It's good. It's good. It is good. You know I said on the last podcast, um, sometimes you get fed up with your own bullshit and it's the truth, you know, if you can't take an inward look at yourself and really be like, I have done wrong to someone, I have said things that have hurt someone's feelings. I have, you know. Reacted in a way that wasn't pleasing to the Lord. Truly. Like, I hate to say it like that, but it's the truth. You have to and through God, it's completely possible. You have to apologize, you have to get it out of your system. I always say communicate till it's out of your hands. Yep. Like you have to communicate until it is completely out of your body. And then after that, what people do with it is on them. Mm-hmm. But you saying you're sorry. Has to happen. Yeah. You can't go any further from there. You just can't.

Chloe:

Yeah. So good. So good. So are we gonna wrap up episode 11? Is it time? I mean, the notes have been done. I'm pretty

Kristen:

sure that we have gone through all the things. I just like, I'm so, you know, I just want. So much peace for people. Like that's the thing that people don't realize. On the other side of healing, there's so much peace.

Chloe:

Yeah, joy and fun. There's so much peace.

Kristen:

I love joy too. Joy's such a wonderful thing.

Chloe:

Great. Yeah, great. Because you're gonna go through hard times, but if you have people by your side that. Love you and that support you and that you communicate with and they know what you're going through. We we're not, nobody's the mind reader, not even women. So you have to communicate with them. But when you do, they're on the journey with you. And it's, and you're not

Kristen:

meant to do it alone. No. Nobody is. No,

Chloe:

no. And that's what the enemy wants. Yes. And so we've gotta fight that as women. Yes. And really fight for community. Yes. Fight for unity. That way when the, the hard things come or transitions, really, it's all about transitions, girl. Yes. When the transitions come, you've got. You've got not just God with you. Yeah. You've got an army of Yeah. Of people that love you and care about you.

Kristen:

Yeah.

Chloe:

That are gonna be there for you and that are gonna help you and be like, what can I do? Where do you need me? Yeah. You know? And those are the kind of people that Amen. You want in your life. So Yes, for sure.

Kristen:

All right guys, I think that's it for episode 11. We will see you guys next week and just, you know, heal,

Chloe:

wrap up season one next week. Heal out loud if you

Kristen:

have to. Oh, I'm

Chloe:

so excited,

Kristen:

but I'm not Okay. Bye guys.

Chloe:

Bye guys.