All In Your Bizz w/ Reka & Los
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All In Your Bizz w/ Reka & Los
Foster Care: Dreams and Nightmares with special guess (Pierre C.)
What happens when a child enters the foster care system from birth? How does separation from siblings shape a person's life? And what lasting impact does the experience have on relationships and identity?
Pierre takes us on a deeply personal journey through the foster care system, sharing his experience of being in care from birth until his adoption at age five. With remarkable candor, he reveals the lifelong questions about identity that haunted him into adulthood: "Where do I get my looks from? Who are my parents? Who am I as a person?"
Perhaps most poignant is his account of being separated from his two sisters and losing contact for over a decade. "That bothered me more than anything," he admits, explaining how they reconnected as adults but had missed the crucial bond that develops between siblings growing up together. This separation highlights one of the system's most heartbreaking failures – the splitting of sibling groups and lack of maintained connections between family members.
The conversation illuminates the psychological impact of foster care, with Pierre revealing how abandonment issues affected his adult relationships: "Even when you know someone is no good for you, you tend to hold on because you don't want that person to leave." These profound insights come alongside sobering statistics – over 400,000 children in the U.S. foster system, with nearly half of foster parents quitting within their first year due to burnout and unpreparedness.
His message to current foster youth resonates with hope despite acknowledging hard realities: "Keep God first... and just keep living. Even if you don't find that home, start thinking about what you want to do with your life to make it better than what you've been given." Pierre's story is both a testament to resilience and a call for a more compassionate, thoughtful approach to caring for our most vulnerable children. If you're considering becoming a foster parent or working with foster youth, this episode provides essential perspective from someone who's lived it.
what's up, what's up, what's up. Hey, everyone, we are again here. We are again. It's on podcast number what we on number four now yes, we're on four, four or five.
Speaker 2:We're putting them out there. Yeah, we're putting them out there, putting them out there.
Speaker 1:You'd be putting out there, so we do have some that. Um, a lot of people have not heard yet, however, but right now we're just kind of building up content, you know, however, but we want to thank all the uh, the ones that subscribe and already downloaded now yes um, because this is like. We've been at it maybe like for about a week and we got over a hundred downloads already yeah, that's pretty good and thank you all for those who have sent in your suggestions on topics too.
Speaker 1:We really appreciate that too with that being said, I guess it's my turn yeah, let's, let's get in some business what you got oh, digging his hat, let me dig in his hat, let me dig in his hat, oh all right come on oh, okay no whammies oh yeah, this is Dreams and Nightmares in Foster Care. Before we go any further, we want to introduce the one, and only my brother. The one, and only For some it's Jets, for some it's P, but the world knows him as.
Speaker 3:Pierre.
Speaker 1:Pierre, what's going?
Speaker 3:on with you how y'all doing.
Speaker 1:That's what's up. That's what's up. That's what's up Now. Dreams and nightmares, foster care. So the topic is here. Basically, we're going to talk about foster care. You know this is a big topic. It's a dear topic to me, it's a topic that I've been around foster care probably like half of almost half of my life and all. However, whether they're family members and stuff like that or people. I know so, but this is a very sensitive topic here, however, and so we want to thank P for joining us this evening.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because we know that he can, you know, you know. So this is, let me shut up and, however, and just kind of just let the rhythm do what it does. How about that? Okay, so, pk, you tell us just like a little snapshot about, just a snapshot about what you know, what do you know about? Or when you hear the word foster care, what is that trigger for you?
Speaker 3:Well, I'm just going to give you a little background of myself personally. I was in foster care from birth, all the way up until I was about maybe four or five years old. That's right around the time I was adopted. That's right around the time I was adopted. Being in foster care in my perspective, man, it's one of those things. It's a positive and a negative, especially when you talk about being removed from family members mom and dad mainly. You know what I'm saying. It can be one of those things where you know, as you get older, you know if not dealt with or not talked about, you know it becomes a unending question of who are you? Okay, I know for me for a while as an adult, you know I got to thinking about who is Pierre as a person, where did I come from or whom did I come from and what do they look like. You know what I'm saying. Where do I get my looks from? Things like that? You know I'm saying whether I get my looks from things like that. You know, and you know it.
Speaker 3:It also tends to bother you for those kids who don't get opportunity, like I did, to get adopted. You know I'm saying because kids who stay in foster care until they're probably about 18. And, to be truthful with you, it's heartbreaking because you don't know what tends to happen with those kids once they reach the adult age of 18 and graduate from high school and everything like that. You know it's. It's almost scary to even think like, oh, do they do some kind of program for them or anything like that. You know, but, um, but again it's uh, it's a it's pros and cons, just like everything else in life.
Speaker 3:But it's one of those things where you know I try to, like, I tell my kids, my kids know that I'm adopted and everything like that. But I try to tell them, you know, you guys are lucky, go, you get the opportunity to know who your parents are. You know, and and that's the, that's the real kicker for a lot of us who been in the foster care system at birth or, you know, been in there since we were babies, right, you know, you don't, you don't know who your parents are. And then those who who've been in the system, even you know, at a early childhood age, maybe five, six, seven, you know who do idea of who their parents are. But you still end up with the question of why are my parents not coming to get me? Are they able to come and get me? What happened and a lot of things are documented. And if you have the opportunity, I do say go back and get your documents and not know. You know I'm saying who, who or whom you came from you know, you know.
Speaker 1:One of the points that you just made there, however, is you know, like that, that magical age that we all talk about, whether you're in foster care or not or just. However, 18 years old, you know, at 18 years old does not necessarily mean you got everything figured out and boom, you can go out there in the life and you know and just figure it out and have it all together. You know, you know, 18 is just a number and I can only imagine you know, being, um, being in the foster care system or however it is. I mean, you probably got ptsd that you never dealt with or didn't know what it was, back when you were a small kid yeah it, it's one of those things, man, and I just I've, you know, I've been fortunate, like I said.
Speaker 3:I've been fortunate enough, uh, to have a family who who said they want to take a chance on a doctor, me and I, like I said, I was adopted at five. A lot of kids, a lot of parents, they go into the foster care registry and they wanna be foster parents or adopted parents or whatnot. They, I don't know, intentionally, initially, they're looking for the little ones ones, they're looking for the babies, they're looking for those ones that's not already, you know, developed in their minds yet, or anything like that, you know. And and so for kids of age where you kind of at the school age, where they kind of know already, it's harder for them to find homes. It's harder to find homes for them than it is for a kid who's one, two or even newborn age, you know, right, right.
Speaker 2:So, pierre, you were adopted at five and you were put in. When did you go into? Were you adopted at five or were you put in foster care at five?
Speaker 3:were you adopted at five or were you put in foster care at five? I was in foster care from birth, all the way until I was probably about five years old.
Speaker 2:Oh, so you never knew your birth parents, did you?
Speaker 3:ever know. Your birth parents Never knew my birth parents, never knew who they were. It's just fortunate for me that I have two sisters and we kind of we lived together for a while until my sister's mom, her husband, passed, and initially the plan was to keep us all together but, um, when he passed, she felt like it was necessary for me to be in a home with a male, with the male figure. So that's what, that's what pushed, that's really what pushed the adoption, uh, and looking for really what pushed the adoption, and looking for a home with a male figure inside the home, which I'm very grateful for that, you know, because a lot of kids don't get that opportunity, you know. So, but, yeah, it's one of those things, like I said, you think about.
Speaker 3:You know even when you're a younger kid you tend to think you don't grow into who you are as a person. You know. You wonder where some of your character traits come from, especially now that I have kids and everything like that. You know.
Speaker 2:I wonder whether, like some of the, some of my character traits rub off on them where they come from, you know so so did you ever, pierre, once you and your sister were separated, were you all ever able to get together, like on holidays or birthdays or any time or once? You all were separated? That was it. How did that work for you all?
Speaker 3:oh, it's crazy because for us, once we were separated, we kind of kept in touch for a little while and when I say a little while, it was maybe a few years and then we kind of lost touch. I went through maybe from I want to say maybe from third, all the way through high school without actually speaking, without actually talking with them. We kind of lost touch. People move, things like that. It was one of those things where we moved and they moved and kind of lost numbers and everything. People changed numbers, things like that, and it just so happened. You know, my senior year of high school, my senior year of high school, right around graduation time, where my sister's mom came to Detroit and she found me. I was kind of surprised this lady's knocking on my door and she know everything about me and it was scary at first. You know what I'm saying. But something said let her in the house and you know this lady knew everything about me, you know what I'm saying Reconnect me and my sisters together again and since then we've been keeping in touch, you know. You know her daughter just graduated high school. So I'm very proud of her for that.
Speaker 3:But that's some of the things that you deal with when you are in this system. You don't know if this person has, this individual has siblings, this child might have siblings. You know I'm saying, and that's some of the things, that's you know that you have to deal with, you have to think about when you're in foster care, you know, if we have siblings, all of our siblings gonna be able to stay together, yeah, that might not be the option. You know they might want you and not to the brother or the other brother or the other sister or whatever. You know, and that's the scariest part about it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, now you, now you're sitting here with a brother or sister and you guys are all separated. You know right, and you're living in different households, growing up in different ways. You know what I'm saying Even now, like you know, I was raised in Detroit and stuff like that. I was born in Detroit, raised in Detroit. My sister was born in Detroit, but she was raised in Louisiana and you can see the accent is totally different. I look alike, but her accent is way more Southern than mine, right?
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:Right, and so it's just one of those things where you know If you don't have the right people, you don't have the right people in these foster care roles and I call it foster care roles to make sure that you're keeping up with your siblings. You're keeping up with. You know what I'm saying. This is your family and you're able to keep in contact with these people so that you have some kind of connection. You know you can continue having some kind of connection with at least your siblings. If anybody, you know I'm saying you'll lose. You'll lose sight on your whole family lineage yeah, now you know what.
Speaker 1:Just a couple facts here. You know javier's um doing a little homework before uh a meeting here. So it's saying like there's over 400 000 children in the us foster care system and it says the child spends an average of 22 months in foster care. I thought those numbers were mind-blowing 400,000 children in the.
Speaker 3:US in foster care system. Yeah, and it's crazy to say, because our system, the system is built to protect children and I do give it that, but it's also, it's also flawed at the same time because you know it does not give it.
Speaker 3:It's harder once you lose a child in the foster care system. It's it's ten times harder to get that child back and it doesn't matter, like maybe that parent might have been, you know, a drug abuser or something like that, or maybe that child might have been, maybe that child might have been, maybe that child might have been born while the mother was incarcerated, or something like that. It could be a number of different things. These are just some examples. You know, for the kids it's harder to place them because now it's like who who's taking these kids in? You know I'm saying who's going to take these and you know what ages are.
Speaker 3:And, like I said before, a lot of people who, who are looking to be parents that maybe couldn't have kids of their own, they're looking for newborns, yeah, and a lot of kids that's in foster care then and they're not newborns. I mean they might be. You know saying a little older. Do it right. You know I'm saying a little older, do it right. Take a chance on the kid that's a little older. And I'm saying a lot of times a lot of parents won't take a chance on the kid that's a little older, maybe school age, and I'm saying a little older, you know, but you know the numbers of kids that's in the system versus the number of kids that actually get adopted out of the system, and it's, it's scary, you know, and it's like what, what do we do for these, for these, the rest of the kids that don't get an opportunity to find?
Speaker 2:a home, yeah right right yeah, I. I have to ask, pierre does being in foster care affect how you deal with relationships, friendships or trust? Because you've gone through so much with, you know being separated from your sisters and you know going from one family to another family. How did that affect you growing up and now as an adult?
Speaker 3:For me personally me personally it it changes. It changes your perception on you know what family really is, because for me I never had a big issue of you know making friends or anything like that. You know, but it just know the type of friends that you make. You know what I'm saying. So you're not always, you don't always, make the right judgment calls, and I think that's anybody you know. Growing up as a kid, especially if you're growing up as a kid in the inner city, you know not the best neighborhoods, you know I'm saying, and you don't your best schools. You know you can pick and choose your friends based on your environment. That you need right, but when, when it comes to like relationships, you know you you tend to.
Speaker 3:You know you you tend to leave to those who are more or not relatable but more to sing, that seem more genuine and to you. You know, right, um, you know I've had past relationships where you know this person might sing like you know were for me but really not for me. But you know it makes it so much harder to let that person go. Because if you deal with issues, you know, even as a young kid, you deal with abandonment issues. Deal with abandonment issues right, because you know you don't.
Speaker 3:You think like nobody really loves you or you know why this person leave me or anything. And as an adult as an adult, you know I'm saying if you haven't dealt with those issues, you know, you know I'm saying sometimes you can go on through life and not really know that you have abandonment issues. Right, that's deep For me. Being adopted and having a family and having friends and things like that I didn't really realize I had abandonment issues until I became an adult. Yeah, right, you know what I'm saying abandonment issues until I became an adult.
Speaker 3:Yeah Right, you know what I'm saying and you know that affects relationships. Because you know, even though you think this person is good for you or no good for you, even when you know that this person is no good for you, you tend to hold on to that person because of the simple fact you don't want that person to leave because of how they made you feel right. You know saying versus how are they making you feel right now, in that point of time that makes sense, that makes sense that makes total sense.
Speaker 1:Now, I know we, we know we talked, you know that those topics are very deep. Of what you're saying there, p Now, on the flip side of this here now there is you know I've heard people, you know that I want to do foster care. I'm doing this and they're doing it maybe for the wrong reasons, because foster care being a, a foster parent takes time and patience and some things that you may not be equipped with. You know when that, when that child comes, you may not be equipped with that, but, um, have you had any negative experiences of just the system in itself? Um, just as far as as when you go to a family, it may not be a good fit, or maybe those parents are not fit to do that. Have you experienced anything like that or know anyone who experienced anything of that nature?
Speaker 3:What's funny is I don't know how the screening works for parents being foster parents or, you know, adopting children or anything like that.
Speaker 3:I mean, I'm pretty sure they go through a pretty extensive screening process with you.
Speaker 3:There are people out here abusing the system and this is one of the problems I have with this, with the foster care system because there are individuals who are intentionally abusing the system because they know they're going to get paid for doing this. Versus, I want to do this because you know I want to help. You know now I'm not talking about the ones that's doing it because you know they want to help and they feel like you know, because I know some people who do it and they do it because they like man, I just want this is my way of giving back and you know I want to do something. You know that's, you know, tangible, that's gonna be, feels good in my heart. You know what I'm saying and they don't. They're doing it for the right reasons and really trying to help these kids grow and and learn and put them in the best positions to be successful. Oh, but you have other individuals who and this is, and it's sad to say that they utilize these kids as pawns to make money.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 1:You know, the need is great. The need is so great. It's like you don't even have enough, you know, staff members or manpower to kind of manage the way, manage the system the way it should be. So you have people that take advantage of it.
Speaker 2:Kids just go wherever that you know a door is open and, like you said, it doesn't necessarily mean that that person is suitable, or those people are suitable for those children, or they may not know what those children have gone through.
Speaker 2:And they take on a child with you know something going on or and you know it just isn't a good fit. Or it could be that the adults that take on children just are doing it just to do it, you know Right. And there's no, there's no good intention, there's no structure, they're just there, there's no structure, they're just there. And then it kind of almost to me it seems like it defeats the purpose of taking a child in if you're not working with them.
Speaker 2:It's hard for me to understand how and I feel sad for children that have to go through that where they're up or they go from house to house or they never feel loved or they never feel accepted, and then they grow up having you know more issues, you know more things of you know not feeling accepted, not feeling loved, and it's like it's hard because you don't know I'm assuming as a foster parent how long you'll have a child.
Speaker 2:But then I'm thinking like, as long as you have that child, do the best that you can. And I do understand that there's sometimes you may have some kids that are big or small, that may come to a home where there's just not much that you can do, like it's just a lot that that child has gone through, unfortunately, and whatever you try to do, it's just they just need counseling, they need therapy, they need help and sometimes it's just that situation. But I would hope that if anybody who currently fosters or considers fostering just take that into consideration that these children are displaced. They are delicate, you know they are needing to be respected, to be cared for, to be loved if possible, and just given a chance, because you know it's hard it's more than just a check.
Speaker 1:It's more than just a check?
Speaker 3:yes well it's really sad, you know. You know this is something that you know it's dear to my heart because you know I've been through. You know I have friends who who've been through it. You know what I've been through it, you know, and I have friends who've been through it. You know what I'm saying and, luckily for us, you know, we came out on the better end of the situation. You know we were able to have, you know, siblings.
Speaker 3:You know what I know saying outside of my own, or you know I was able to have brothers or sisters and you know, and stuff like that, and aunties and aunties who you know pour into us and was able to talk with us, sit us down and, you know, give us all this, all of the advice that we needed to develop into the adults that you see here today. A lot of, a lot of kids don't get that right and I feel like when you go into, when you go into, you know the foster care system and you are a foster parent and you've done the paperwork and you've done everything you become that person's you know that person's parental guardian. You know what I'm saying. You become that person.
Speaker 2:You're in charge of their, yeah, you're in charge of their life and their well-being. And that's a big role. That's a huge role.
Speaker 1:That's a very huge role.
Speaker 3:Yes, you are their counselor. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, yep, basically you're their counselor. You know what I'm saying? Yes, you're taking care of them and things like that, up until the time being, but what can you pour into them, or?
Speaker 2:what can you pour into them or what do you have to pour into them? I think that should be like part of the screening. Like how can you help this child other than placing them into your home? How can you help develop them from where they are to where they could possibly go, other than just giving them a place to lay their heads, you know, and and that's that's a huge thing, because it's not again, and I will just always say, it's not just taking a child in, but nurturing this child, you know, pouring into this child, giving this child what they did not have with their parents or their previous family that they were with, you know.
Speaker 1:Exactly exactly and you know I was reading something prior to when we started here and I never heard of this, but it makes a lot of sense. They were saying that it's a burnout, the burnout rate of foster parents like foster parents that get burned out and it said, according to the national average, nearly half of all homes licensed said will quit within the first year of fostering, within the first year. So that is deep.
Speaker 1:So a lot of I think a lot of people take this on and not really understand the magnitude of what they're getting into you know and you know you're getting these kids that are suffering you know from like some traumatic that happened and not even know what it is.
Speaker 1:And then you get the parents that, yeah, you know, cause they're different levels. You know like you can get a uh. You know like different levels of children depending on their needs. You know so if can get a uh, you know like different levels of children depending on their needs. You know so if you get a severely, you know like a person that's been through you know uh, neglect. Maybe they've been hungry, maybe they've been beaten, maybe they have seen killings. You know, whatever, how it is, you can't just get, you know, someone fresh off the streets and think, you know, little ronnie is like little ronnie didn. Yeah, ok, you know, and it's going to take a village of people to help that young little girl or little boy. However, you know, and not to be judgmental, you know and you have to also think too that you know these children that are coming with. You know they're having these issues and then you know you have to think if you have children, you know you got to think like okay, like some of these characteristics may rub off on them.
Speaker 1:You know, you know. So you have to kind of think about that. You know, if my son is doing this here and little Ronnie comes and he's been exposed and he's been having sex, you know, at age seven, you know like this, you know these are some things that you have to consider. So I can see why that number, you know, diminishes. You know, after the first year, because you really don't know what you're getting into and you can't do this thing just like a book.
Speaker 1:Read like you read. You know, read a whole bunch of manuals and some videotapes you know most of your training gonna come when that child enters your home that hands-on experience, yes, that on-the-job training yeah, that on-the-job kid training, okay, um, and then it, it's, it's uh, my hat goes off to you know, the, the parents out there, that's fostering. You know they're still doing it, you know, and especially like when they get older, the teenagers and stuff like that. You know I'm sure it could be a job.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:It's definitely challenging, man. Like I said, you know when you're doing it for the right reasons. You know you can tell those parents are doing it for the right reasons, they're pulling into them. But it is a burnout because a lot of times you take on more than you can bear. It's almost like you get no breaks in between. You might have one kid one day, and it's almost like you get no breaks in between. You might have one kid one day and then a couple days later something else happens.
Speaker 3:Are you able to take in another one, the process of saying no. Sometimes you might have to and it ultimately hurts the child because you have no way to replace them.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Right, right, right. As a parent, you have to. As a parent also, you have to know your limitations you know, definitely you don't want to take on and say, okay, I can take on these six, seven kids, and then you know they get in your home and then you're like, nah, I can't do this.
Speaker 2:You know you're yelling or fussing at them or mistreating them and beating on them. Yeah, you don't need to do that.
Speaker 1:So out of character, so out of character, so out of character. So, pete, check this out. So if there are some foster children listening now, what some words of wisdom would you give them, saying that you've been there and what grace, god's grace you, you've come out of that. So what can you tell them that? If there's someone in foster care now, what's some words of wisdom that you can speak, maybe into their life right now?
Speaker 3:that's just it, and God's grace. I don't know anything else. But because you know, if it wasn't for him, you know I wouldn't, I wouldn't have been able, I wouldn't be, you know, in the position I am right now. I wouldn't, be it that I wouldn't have had the opportunity to be adopted. You don't, sam?
Speaker 3:So always God first, you know, you know always believing, you know there is care of me and treat me well, better than the current situation I'm in or the past situation I have been in. And then you know just, you know just keep living, even if you don't find that home. You know, once you get to that age, you know, start thinking about some of the things that you want to do with your life. You know, to change your life and maybe you can. You can live a better life than what you you've been given. You know, right, there's so much stuff you can say, but ultimately it comes down to God's grace and his favor over your life and making sure you keep him first and understanding that he has a plan for you in your life and nobody can deviate from that plan.
Speaker 1:I'm over here channing tear man. You know that was.
Speaker 2:That was heart, that was heartwarming yeah, I think about, like listening to your story and it automatically makes me think of that, uh, the movie antoine fisher with denzel washington and the young man that he, um, denzel, had to counsel, you know, and how that young man that he, denzel, had to counsel you know. And how that young man went through, you know, foster care and he was mistreated and molested and you know just talked down to and how much he had to overcome as a young child and then as an adult with trust issues and not feeling accepted. You know you hear these stories and then you know it just makes your heart go out to any child that has to be put in a situation where they're separated from their family. But you know, even more so when they're in a home where they're not loved and treated with respect and cared for. And then you hear other stories where you know children are taken in and adopted and cared for. And you know those are the stories that you would like to hear more of if a child were in a situation where you know they were taken and you know someone just brought them in with open arms and just accepted them for who they are because they didn't choose that life, they didn't choose to live like that.
Speaker 2:And I have some family members that have fostered some children and you know we love those kids and you know it was different. But you know, once you get to know them, all kids are pretty much all the same. They just want to be loved and and shown love and cared for. So you know, my hat goes out to any family or person that has enough love to extend their love to another child that that is not theirs. And you know, just build something with them and and pour into them and help them throughout their life. But you know, just build something with them and pour into them and help them throughout their life.
Speaker 2:But you know I can also see how, as a child that's fostered, how you could have some issues of abandonment. You can have some trust issues too, you know. So that comes, that comes, comes along with it. But, pierre, I would ask so you had it seems like a favorable experience, but is there something that you feel that you could change with your experience? Is there anything that you can come up with that I wish I could have had this, or I wish this would have happened instead of this. You know, maybe you and your sister could have stayed together. Is there something that you wish could have been different for your experience?
Speaker 3:Oh, well, I have a pretty fair experience. I mean, I wasn't super favorable, but you know that wasn't until after I got a lot older.
Speaker 3:you know what I'm saying the thing I think that I would change, to be honest with you, if I had to do it all again was just maybe more, uh, maybe keeping more contact with my, with my, with my siblings, you know, and being able to see them. You know, as we grew up you know what I'm saying over over, over time period, period, um, you know so that that way it wouldn't and it wasn't awkward, you know, when I, when I, when I got back in to you know, when I was able to visit my sisters and, and you know, hang out with young men and be with them. It wasn't awkward or anything like that, but it would probably been way better had it been, even if we couldn't be in the same home, but even if there were times where we would be together, visit one another. You know what I'm saying. Keep close contact with each other, because you know you miss out on a lot of brotherly, brother and sisterly bond you develop when you're young, growing up together, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:For me that's probably about the biggest thing and you know I thought about it a lot, you know, over the years you know and you know who my parents were or anything like that. But you know, to be honest with you, you it never really bothered me more than it bothered me not knowing if my sisters were okay, and that bothered me more than anything, you know, because I was more of the protector of my sisters, even at an early age. So you know that bothered me more than anything. So if I had to change anything, it would be those frequent maybe having frequent visits with them and being able to hang out and do things together, birthdays or something like that. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:Definitely, definitely. Are you still there? Hello, okay, I can hear you now and listeners just please be reminded. So this is the first time we're doing this kind of. We are all in different states and all, but I believe I can hear you clearly. Everything is going ahead, but go ahead. Finish there, pete.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, but other than that, man, I wouldn't really change much. I can say I had a pretty decent experience. You know what I'm saying. I ain't going to sit here and say it was all good, and I ain't going to sit here and say it was all bad either. But you know, I had a pretty decent experience, you know, with my adopted parents, you know, and then of course relatives, you know, aunts and uncles, who accepted me as well, you know and then of course, my brothers and developing friendships and all that other stuff, man, so it wasn't all bad, but it wasn't always all good either.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:You take the good and the bad together and you make the best of it. But if there was one thing I would change with the whole system. You know what I'm saying is making sure that you constantly keep in contact, especially if you have siblings I'm big on siblings, especially if you have siblings. Making sure that you're keeping in contact, making sure that those kids are keeping in contact with each other, because you know you grow up and then then, especially when you grow up in different environments and you're away from each other for so long, you know of each other but you don't know each other like that. You know what I'm saying. Sometimes it could make for awkward meet and greet yeah, I can see that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I can see that Right?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I can see that too.
Speaker 2:Now, pierre, do you okay? So you have. How many siblings do you have that?
Speaker 3:were adopted. Well, just to my knowledge, I only know about my two sisters.
Speaker 2:Okay, you have two sisters and you were the oldest. Yeah, Okay, you have two sisters and you were the oldest. Yeah, okay, so you talked about one sister that you talked to. Did you talk to the other sister, your youngest sister?
Speaker 3:Yes, I've talked to her.
Speaker 2:Okay, and when you all talked, did you all ever discuss like your experience, like up and with your new families and how they were, you know, maybe different, or what each one of you all have gone through with that experience, or do you? Do you talk about that or do you all just talk about just missing each other or rekindling your relationship? How was that just the discussion with you all?
Speaker 3:well, of course I am, I, my young, my young, my younger sister she was, she was still a baby. So when she, you know, she, this is all, that's all she knew okay, okay.
Speaker 3:I do have a sister that's a year younger than I am, so me and her are very, very close. We almost, you know, we stood side by side. Y'all would think we were twins, and so we kind of, once we got back together, we kind of had little conversations here and there about, you know, saying our experiences and stuff like that, growing up in different households, which also she grew up in and then the household I grew up in. We had different conversations and things like that about that. But for the most part it's just been like, you know, kind of building of the brother and sister, brother and sister bond relationship, because we missed out on so much of that with each other you know, just have kids and stuff like that.
Speaker 3:so I'm trying to keep up with, you know, my nieces and my nephew, and then she's trying to keep up with all the nieces and nephews she got.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 3:It's been more of that. The adult is more of what we've been doing now. So, um, just kind of moving forward. Yeah, just really just kind of moving forward. You can't really I said you can't really dwell on the past. You know, and a lot of times that happens you know, especially when you go on and there's cases where you find your family. You dwell on the past and why you didn't come and get me and why you didn't come looking for me and why you didn't this and why you didn't that. If you dwell on those things, man, you will never be able to build a new relationship for what is right now in front of you. And that happens too. And I understand. I understand because you're trying to figure out, like yo, why you leave me with these people and you've been in this whole time why you didn't come look for me. I understand, but you got to understand too that you know maybe your mom or maybe your mom or your dad wasn't in the position to be able to take you in, or maybe they were, maybe they wasn't in the right mental space. And then for me, you know I was.
Speaker 3:I'm saying I was born in the 80s. This is the prime crack era. You know what I'm saying. You never knew what was going on then Exactly. You get your parents at that time. You know what I'm saying. They could have gone down on drugs. You just don't know. You don't even know. You know they could have like you don't even know. You know they can have like some mental instabilities. You know what I'm saying. Or you know they can be in the streets or whatever the case may be locked up, whatever. You know what I'm saying. There's a lot. There's a lot of things and a lot of stories that you know, that you don't know about as a young kid, you know, and that that happened, you know I'm saying yeah, the scenarios can can vary.
Speaker 2:You just, you just don't know what it could have been if you all would have stayed, you know, with your biological mother versus, you know, going into foster care. So you know, I guess you have to count your blessings in a way you know.
Speaker 3:You do end up, you know. It's just good that you know you have the opportunity. You know, because once you get, once you get a certain age, you know your record, you know you can go and dig up your files. Have you ever done that.
Speaker 2:Have you ever looked up your file?
Speaker 3:I tell anybody to go dig up your files. I did once my mom she gave. She gave me the files. I don't know what she did with them afterwards okay the files.
Speaker 3:I'll kind of skim through it a little bit and just to kind of like see who, who they were, who like names of your you know your biological father. They give you the names of your biological mother and siblings. If you have siblings, things like that, you know what I'm saying. Then they kind of give you a little breakdown. I didn't really try to like read too much into it At that time. I really wasn't like I really wasn't really too interested in anybody but myself. Um, that's, that's the plan. That's the plan I should, in their future, right is to kind of dig up those files again and really go through them. And you know, I know for a fact that I was named after my father. My first name was named after my father.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 3:That's for a fact. That's where I get the name Pierre from. But, yeah, I mean, read your file, you know what I'm saying. Maybe you can find these people. If that's what you want to do, that's something that you're interested in doing, get your file and read through it. Maybe you might find your family and maybe, you know, might find some relatives or some people, especially with social media nowadays, right right right, with some people, especially with social media nowadays, right right right, you got millions of people on facebook and social, other social sites. So, and make it, might make it a little bit easier for you to track them down. Well, and maybe you might not never know, you, you know saying they might have been trying to track you down this whole time. Yeah, right, just you don't know. So they have it for a reason. Yeah, you know I'm saying, but you know, I always want to. I mean, I always. I always tell myself you know, count your blessings, man, because it could have been 10 times worse than what it is.
Speaker 1:Yeah yeah, yeah, you know, that was definitely a mouthful and this interview was definitely right on time.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I mean, you went there. That was awesome and we definitely want to thank you for taking time out. I know that it could be a lot and overwhelming for some. It may be in the foster care system. However it is that can give them encouragement that they can make it. You know Right, and shout out to the parents out there that's extending their love, and to the that are in the foster care system and helping children and all. So shout out to you so definitely that's exactly what we need and we want to thank you also because you are our first distant person that we're doing here for interviews.
Speaker 2:Yes, thank you for that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we want to thank you for that and all. So, other than that, that's all I have. Rika, you got anything?
Speaker 2:No, I just again I want to thank you and I want to thank those people who extend their homes and their hearts to children that need love and guidance, children that need love and guidance. And for those who are thinking and considering, please consider and think about this interview and see if you have the capacity to do it, and if you don't, it's okay. Just save the time or the space for someone else who has it, because it's not an easy task. It's not just taking in a puppy and you know potty training. You know this is this is developing, this is guiding, this is coaching, this is counseling.
Speaker 2:This is everything that a child would need because they have lost so much, but then they still have so much to gain, and if that's not a suitable fit, it's okay. Just don't don't put the child in a situation where it could cause more harm than they may already have been going through. So, again, this was a very heartfelt interview. Great points were made. You know, and this is from the perspective of someone that has gone through it, and again we thank you and we want to close.
Speaker 1:Exactly so again I'm Los and I'm Rika, and, as always, we all in your biz, all in your biz. We appreciate you. Thank y'all, alright.