All In Your Bizz w/ Reka & Los
Welcome to a bold, no-holds-barred couples podcast where we dive into life, love, and everything in between-uncensored and unfiltered. As a Generation X couple, we're bringing our real-life experiences, raw honesty, and sharp wit to the table as we explore serious issues, controversial opinions, and laugh-out-loud moments that matter. No topic is off limits-from relationships and social issues to pop culture and personal growth-we're getting all up in your business and saying what others won't. Our goal? To spark thought, share truths, and connect with listeners through honest, heartfelt, and hilarious conversation.
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All In Your Bizz w/ Reka & Los
The Parent Puzzle: Does Family Structure Determine Destiny?
What truly shapes a child's future success? Is it growing up with two parents, or is there something more fundamental at play? In this thought-provoking discussion, we tackle the complex dynamics of single versus dual-parent households, challenging conventional wisdom with surprising insights.
Remember those idealized TV families from shows like "The Cosby Show" that made dual-parent households seem like the gold standard for raising well-adjusted children? We unpack this narrative alongside the contrasting portrayal of single-parent families in shows like "Good Times," examining how these media images shaped our expectations—and how reality tells a different story.
The conversation takes a fascinating turn when we explore the unique resilience often developed by children in single-parent homes. We highlight successful individuals raised by single parents—Barack Obama, Oprah Winfrey, Jennifer Lopez, Will Smith—whose achievements challenge the assumption that family structure determines destiny. "That one parent is probably focusing and keying on, 'I feel like I got to put more into this here so you won't have to struggle like this again,'" one host observes, noting how survival-mode parenting often creates exceptional drive.
What emerges from our discussion isn't a simple verdict on which family structure is "better," but rather an understanding that success depends on more nuanced factors: the quality of parenting, exposure to diverse experiences, the "village" surrounding the child, and the principles instilled regardless of family configuration. Children learn from watching how parents navigate relationships and challenges, whether in single or dual-parent homes.
We share personal stories that illustrate how childhood experiences—from "sea camp" adventures to the disappointment of promised McGregor knockoff shoes—shape adult behaviors and expectations. The conversation culminates with wisdom about teaching children to work for what they want rather than feeling entitled to it: "Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you will feed him for a lifetime."
Join us for this candid exploration of family dynamics and share your own experiences by emailing allinyourbiz25@gmail.com or visiting our YouTube channel, "All in Your Biz with Rika and Los."
welcome. Welcome to the real world kids. Welcome to the los enrique show. Like always, we are all in your biz let's go.
Speaker 2:What's up, what's up, what's?
Speaker 1:up. What's up?
Speaker 2:hey, we at it again. We're at it again and we're all in your biz being all of it, even the biz you don't think we know about it. We know because we are all up in it all up in it, we all up in it. So what are you feeling like today?
Speaker 1:I think, uh, we just celebrated father's day shout out to all the the fathers happy father's day that are involved and engaged in their children's lives stepfathers, grandparents, godfathers yeah brothers, cousins, cousins, all of you. Happy belated Father's Day to you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, you know that's a good point, Jermaine. You know even the dads out there who may not have biological kids and all that, but you are a father figure in someone's life, so how about happy Father's Day to you as?
Speaker 1:well, yes, for sure, we need that. We need that For sure.
Speaker 2:Most definitely in 2025, we need that for sure, but we're all in your biz.
Speaker 1:We need to get down to business, still in your business now.
Speaker 2:We need to get down to business, and thank you so much for all the ones that have subscribed. Remember, we are on YouTube as well. You can check us out on all in your biz with Rika and Los. You just type it in and boom, it'll pop up. So we just want to thank you so much.
Speaker 1:Yes, thank you.
Speaker 2:So much, so much.
Speaker 1:But I think we got a bone to pick today.
Speaker 2:We got a bone. To pick which bone? All them bones, all them bones. But you know what. You usually do it, and so I try to step up my game and all, and I think I have a topic for today.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Since you said I was always messy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're pretty messy.
Speaker 2:Okay, so how about this? Let's talk about single parent homes versus dual parent homes. What are the pros and cons? Because I think that's a conversation in itself. So single parent homes and then dual parent homes, and then the pros and cons. So what do you think about that?
Speaker 1:Well, in my mind, in my mind, I always thought I grew up as a Cosby show watcher, right?
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:And in my mind I always thought when I grow up, I'm going to get married and I want the family dynamics of like the Cosby's Cosby's show.
Speaker 1:They were a well-off family, comfortable family. However, they had the means to give their kids anything they wanted, but they made their children work for it. Okay, they had, um, both parents would have in different types of input mom had a different input than dad, but they both had the advantages of having both parents at both times and or at all times, and the children seem to be, you know, somewhat successful. They were, you know, level-headed, they were able to share, they had all the resources that they needed. You know, they went to college, so the things that ideally, I guess the American dream, if you will, but that was something that I've always wanted to have.
Speaker 2:American dream.
Speaker 1:My American dream, something like that. I just always thought that I would love something like that. Now this may sound bad go ahead and I may get some of my black hearts taken, but the family on good times uh-uh wait, wait, wait, wait don't, don't good times me wait.
Speaker 1:No, thank you. Wait. No, I I didn't. I didn't want a james as a dad, I didn't want a grumpy, mean, just always upset husband. We're eating tuna fish and crackers every night. I mean nothing wrong with tuna fish. Actually I was boiling some eggs this morning to have some tuna fish, I smelt it. I never.
Speaker 2:I smelt it too.
Speaker 1:But I just like the idea of having a comfortable household where the means are there. Children learn to work for what they want. They're happy, you have the benefits of having both parents present and you just flourished and had a successful outcome. You were emotionally stable because you had that this was. This is what I thought okay this is what my thought process was growing up pretty much most of my life, until the reality set in. But I'll let you go to the reality set in.
Speaker 2:So um, you know that's the two different um shows that you mentioned, you know, depicting two different, two walks of life. You know that's the two different shows that you mentioned, you know, depicting two different, two walks of life.
Speaker 2:You know, with the Cosby show being, you know, more well off, yeah. And then you know good times, which they, I think in even in good times they, they show, they had principles and morals and however you know, and yeah, they couldn't, you know they couldn't provide and do the same thing as a Cosby and all, but I think there was some principles and some guidelines and stuff, even in Good Times. So that was my favorite show and all.
Speaker 1:Was it? Yeah, what did you like about Good Times?
Speaker 2:Because it was. I can relate to Good Times, you know. It was like you know as soon as you times, you know, it's like you know as soon as you, you know you think you're going forward and everything is going good and it's like bad news. Brown, and it was. It was. What is that called, you know? Because it shouldn't have been called. I mean, it's a word that they use, so it was called good times, although the show primarily had bad times the worst time yeah, so that's called something.
Speaker 2:I can't think of it. I didn't like that. If you know what that's called, I can't think of the name, but it's kind of like the opposite of what it is. Struggle times yeah, but that's the thing it should have been, because you think with a name like good times they was having some good times.
Speaker 1:Like the Brady Bunch with the name. Like good times, like they was having some good times. Like the brady bunch, yeah, you think they would be happy and singing songs and going on vacation in their station wagon, but not so much but it, but it didn't happen.
Speaker 2:So and my thing is, um, I was speaking to someone one day about this topic here, okay, um, and they were speaking about um, they were very sold with the fact that, you know, having two parents, they thought that that would be better than to have one.
Speaker 2:Now, ideally, I believe that the family dynamic should be of two parents. You know, because there's things that the dad can do that you know that's as good because he's a male, and then there's things that the woman can do, you know because she's a female, and not saying that the male can't do what the female can do, you know, and vice versa. But it just kind of pans out that you know, if you've been living in a male body, I'm sure you probably know and can touch and agree a lot more. And vice versa, with a woman you've been living in that you know in that, you know in that body, you know how it works and what to look forward to. But I don't necessarily think that having two parents, grown up with two parents, is uh Okay, I don't want to say it's like an advantage, but because sometimes you can have two parents.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And then that person with one parent can they have a different drive than people with two parents? Sometimes?
Speaker 1:Sometimes Sometimes yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, there's a lot of people that were raised with one parent, of people that were raised with one parent. I was uh trying to get my facts together here like um, like um, barack obama, like oprah, uh eminem, jennifer lopez, uh mary j blige, rihanna will smith, just to say a few. So I think there's a different drive with people that have one parent, because that one parent has got to be, or try to be, all these places at one time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they're going, you know, to try to they don't have a choice right they don't have a choice, and I'm not saying what us with two parents that you know like their choices and all. But I have noticed there's a different drive with with children that have been raised by one parent than two.
Speaker 1:Do you think so?
Speaker 2:I do.
Speaker 1:Okay, give me some examples.
Speaker 2:I think the drive is different because now that one parent is probably focusing and keying on, I feel like I got to put more into this here and more tune this here so you won't have to struggle like this again. You know, like it's more so, like I'm gonna give these tools to you as much as possible, but it may be a little bit extra than if it's just with two parents, and I know that may sound crazy, but I've seen like single parents, like they go the extra, extra, extra mile because they're trying to, they're trying to compensate for the lack that's that's missing you know, so they're trying, they're trying to compensate for being two parent home and you're doing it with one.
Speaker 2:So, um, I, um, I don't know, it's just, I just think it's a different drive, it builds a different relationship. You know, when there's one parent, you know on versus two. But the person I was speaking with, they just you know from their perspective, they were in a one parent home and they, you know, they really felt like the children with two parents, they were like well off and they were doing it. But I made a difference, you know, because I've talked to other people that have two parents and it's jacked up.
Speaker 2:Well, I would say and one more thing, because, when it's all said and done, whether you have two parents or you have one, okay, parents can only teach or give you resources to what things that they know that they have resource for, or you know what I'm saying they can't give you something that they don't have. That's true can't give you something that they don't have. That's true. So don't matter if you had two parents or if you had one. You know that one parent can run circles around two yeah, if they're equipped and exactly the type of person that needs to.
Speaker 2:You know, have the need, as a parent, to instill those things right I agree, like because they're, because that one parent is in survival mode all the time, right when, uh, two parent, you know, they may just say, hey, we're having you know, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down. But you move a little bit different when you are in survival mode, you know, and it's like, if I don't do this, exactly, if I don't do this, my kids ain't going to eat, right, and I'm not saying like for two parents and all, but it's like, hey, dad lose his job, mom could pick up the slack right mom lose her job, dad can pick up the slack, but if that one single parent lose their job, all hell's gonna break loose yeah, and I think each person you know, with topic, each scenario is different, right?
Speaker 1:You have some parents that may have grown up where you know from a dual parent household and then you know they have the same traditions with their family with a dual parent household and you know traditionally they stay together and things like that happen. And then you have some families where you know they split apart and they parent separately and sometimes it works very well. I've seen situations where the co-parenting was amazing and then I've seen situations where co-parenting was hell.
Speaker 2:Horrible.
Speaker 1:And it's almost as if one parent had to step in and say listen, if you're not going to be consistent as a parent, then don't disappoint the child, don't have them waiting on the curb for you, and you never show up. Don't do that to them, you know, because it teaches children indirectly to have little to no expectations of when someone tells them I'm going to do something right and you kind of grow up not trusting when people say, hey, I'm going to do this and you know the follow through is not there, and so it kind of indirectly teaches you to have distrust.
Speaker 2:Wow, do you think that carry over to an?
Speaker 1:adult, of course.
Speaker 2:So you're saying that this, this, spills over from as being a kid and then you move up to adulthood and you still have those same you know, almost like PTSD from that.
Speaker 1:If you will. Yes, because you know you can only disappoint a child. You know, anytime you see a kid, hey, I'm going to give you a dollar. Every time they say hey, you're going to give me that dollar, I'll give it to you when I get paid, hey, you're going to give me that dollar. And then you know after five or six times when you ask or maybe the child won't even ask for the dollar and then they just know when they see this person like, they're not going to give me that dollar.
Speaker 1:It's not going to happen, you know, and then that's the expectation, that's like the trigger Every time that you see that person it always plays like they told me they were going to give me that dollar and it never happened wow, you know, and that's deep.
Speaker 2:You know what? Now you say that and this is all. This is all the single and adult. You know, but it all, it all kind of goes together now. And did you say that about, um, how it can be triggered as a young child, you grow up adulthood. Uh, just a long story. I'm going to make it real short. I remember that my uncle was like, hey, I'm going to get you these shoes, these shoes, like they was banging back in the days they was the Pumas.
Speaker 1:Remember them with the fat laces British.
Speaker 2:Knights no, no, no.
Speaker 1:They had these.
Speaker 2:Pumas and you just put like the fat laces in them and stuff Nike.
Speaker 1:Shacks. Yeah, I mean not Nike Shacks, nike Shacks, but Shacks.
Speaker 2:No no.
Speaker 1:Shacks. Okay, okay, okay.
Speaker 2:So but anyway, I remember I had, to be like about eight or nine years old, kind of to fast forward a little bit. You know my uncle was like, hey, I'm gonna get you some of them shoes, whatever you know, and when my check come. So I'm looking up and down the street for the mailman myself, waiting for that check, waiting for that check, you know Okay. But anyway, time went on, time went on and he got that check, you know, because he was MIA for a while. But guess what? I never got those shoes.
Speaker 1:And how did that make you feel?
Speaker 2:That made me feel like sad, horrible, pissed, all the things you can be at eight or nine years old yeah, you know old, yeah, you know. So that does, that does you know, it does carry over to adulthood and you don't forget those. And you don't forget and I think it weighs on me because now and another story so I remember my mom had got me some shoes. Um, they were these shoes, and some people out there may relate to these here, may know theirs, but they was called mcgregor's no, where you get those from?
Speaker 2:uh, payless. Oh okay, so payless had the shoes that looked like the real shoes, I mean any and every shooter that that was named brand. They had a knockoff yeah okay, so these shoes were called mcgregor's and they were some jordan's, you know.
Speaker 1:Okay, so the McGregor was a knockoff of Jordan, of Jordan, okay.
Speaker 2:Okay. So I met, we had a family reunion. I'll never forget this and some of the family members that listened to it, you probably remember this. Okay, I was at the family reunion and I was sitting at the table. They was like, oh okay, hey, how's you doing? But they was like, oh okay, hey, low, she doing good, you're looking good. He said they was like, oh, you got them. Uh, jordans on the new jords. You know, I ain't saying you know, I just kind of grin, I just you know, like whatever. And then I never forget, my mom said there ain't no d-a-m-n mcgregor. I mean, uh, jordans, and they look like her though. And back then, I don't know, I don't know if you remember Jordans, and they looked like them, though, and back then I don't know.
Speaker 2:I don't know if you remember, but you know they was like you could tell your shoes were real. Your kids would like pull your pants up like the bottom of them so they could see. And I pulled them things up and that man was going the wrong way.
Speaker 1:You had on pants at the family reunion, so nobody could see.
Speaker 2:So nobody can see, so nobody can see it. Hopefully they wouldn't get up too close. It was hot and you had on some jeans but listen, but from a distance they I mean they were spot on, okay. And then I'll never forget she gonna tell me to pull my pants leg up. And then she was like, oh, okay, they look just like the ground on the ground right. And then when I grew up, I think I got right now in my lifetime I think I probably had 50 pair of jordans okay and I think that kind of stemmed back from then.
Speaker 1:It's like and I got those jordans as an adult, them real ones, and you know what, I didn't even wear them you just had them I just had just because so anytime you wanted to pull them out, you could exactly yeah, I think certain things like that teaches you to fill a void triggering yeah it was so triggering, but you know not so it was triggering.
Speaker 2:But you know, it's just I, just I. I don't believe in me. And that person had a long talk. Just because you have two parents, ideally you would think that you know what, yeah, it would be well off, you would be well versified and all. But if you got two jacked up parents I'm just going to put it out there jacked up parents that don't want to do the right thing, that don't want to succeed, just barely doing however it is, and you got one parent that's doing it in survival mode, that kid with the one parent is well off in your opinion in my opinion that's right, because just because you got two parents, I mean it's just, it's not necessary, it's not always what you, you know, what it seems, you know, and we will hope that you know, because kids, I do think kids need both.
Speaker 2:So don't get me wrong, I think kids do need both parents, or a male figure and a female figure. Let's put it like that, you know.
Speaker 1:So what do you think about? And we always hear I'm pissed about them. Shoes, I'm sorry, but get you some McGregor's. I need to look those up so I can see what they look like.
Speaker 2:They better not.
Speaker 1:So what do you think about? We always hear it takes a village right and I can attest to having a secure village growing up Like I had, like both of my parents really didn't have I would say, everything that they needed, probably from their parents, but I would say the village that I had, my siblings and I growing up, was solid right. The village that I had, my siblings and I, growing up was solid, right, right.
Speaker 1:And there are takeaways that when you're with this person you learn some things, like the exposure I had a lot of exposure too.
Speaker 2:Right, Right, that's important.
Speaker 1:So if I wasn't able to be taught or exposed to something or have the opportunity you know, in this space or in my home, then it was always made possible. Nine times out of 10, it was made possible elsewhere, whether it was a school. I mean people would laugh and it's kind of funny now. But I went to sea camp and people like sea camp.
Speaker 2:What is that?
Speaker 1:You know, I would go every year I would, and I don't know what the cost was. I have no idea.
Speaker 2:But every year.
Speaker 1:I was able to go to Key West for a week.
Speaker 2:To sea camp.
Speaker 1:A week or two, yeah, in sea camp and I was able to swim and explore marine life and I think every kid that was there at sea camp ended up at some point wanting to be a marine biologist of some sort, but it was the exposure. It was the exposure Like, even going to like we would have parades right.
Speaker 1:Like the Martin Luther King parade. I would see like different sorority and fraternities, even with my teachers, like some teachers that's back in the days where teachers kind of cared and you know they show up at your house and do all of that. I would have teachers. Black, white didn't matter, I would go to their homes.
Speaker 1:Like they would pick me up and you know see, if it was okay, I would go to their homes. Like they would pick me up, and you know see, if it was okay, I would go to their homes and I would spend time with them because my mom was very present in school, from me growing up to you know me being in head start all the way to my senior year in high school very present. Yes, so I think you're treated differently when teachers know that your parents care.
Speaker 2:Oh, I agree with that.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I agree with that.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So I think pros and cons Again, in my mind it's stamped. Like you know, you should have a two parent household. As much as you can sits with uh or marinates with the child is the exposure. And the village, because that could make or break whether it's a single parent household or dual parent household. The exposure can take you from point a to point z, because if you're stuck in one place and this is all you see, this is the challenges, this is this way, then, this is this way, then you'll never escape that and you'll never see, well, oh, I can do this or I could be interested in that, or vice versa. If you're handed so many things as a single parent, a child or under a single parent household or a dual parent household, if you're given everything and you don't really have to work for it, you don't have to earn it, and it's like a child grows up expecting.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:You know they have this mentality of you know well, why do I have to buy my own groceries, or why do I have to buy my own shoes, or why can't I have that PlayStation you owe me? You know they feel entitled.
Speaker 2:You owe me, yeah, as adults, yeah, even as adults.
Speaker 1:They feel like you owe them, so it's kind of like there has to be a balance of some sort I owe you a bill yeah, there has to be a balance, because you know you go somewhere, like when we grew up, that you got the talking to before you went into the store don't ask for nothing, don't touch nothing. You know now it's like kids will just throw stuff in the cart, right?
Speaker 2:back out. You know they just put stuff in the car. No, they won't. I'm going to throw it right back out.
Speaker 1:You know they just put stuff in the cart I want this, or they don't ask, or the chores aren't done, or they don't want to use their allowance money. I don't know. Do kids still get allowance money?
Speaker 2:I don't know.
Speaker 1:Oh.
Speaker 2:I mean they get fed every day and things of that nature and go on trips and all so that's like allowance.
Speaker 1:Well, do you think you should reward a child with monetary or gifts if they do something out of the ordinary?
Speaker 2:Well, I think every kid is different. Okay, we know that Every kid is different, but I do think there should be rewards for children that are doing or you know they're doing it on a constant basis.
Speaker 2:You know, however it is, you know, just to show that when you do, when you do good things, you know good things can happen. Doesn't necessarily mean all the time, but you know, if you're on the AB, you know on a roll, you know, you know what. Let's go out and do something special to let them know that this is the reward for doing something great. I'm not giving you an award because you got perfect attendance, because I'm the one that drove you every day. I should be getting an award for perfect attendance.
Speaker 1:Right, but I think, perfect, let's talk about that perfect attendance. Like me and my brothers, I think, got the perfect attendance award every year and if I have, I think one year I got chicken pox and I had to miss some days and I was so he was mad. Sad because I look forward to that. At least I was going to get that award every year but you know what, going to school every day kind of built this thing where, as an adult, I show up for work every day.
Speaker 2:I can see that.
Speaker 1:I don't just feel like, oh, I'm calling. I don't feel like you know, it's very rare that I do that and I have to be sick for the most part 98% of the time.
Speaker 2:I would say you were in school.
Speaker 1:I was in school and I'm at work yeah, that's, that's good, you know.
Speaker 2:So then that goes back to having to do a parent. I said do. A parent may say, hey, you can stay home, you know, because I know mom's at work or dad's at work and somebody be there to watch you, you know. So you had that flexibility. But if you want parent you, I'm going to work here, you're going to have to go to school and we can work on this when you get back.
Speaker 1:Or it could be you have to stay home and watch your brothers and sisters.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's what this is.
Speaker 1:So each scenario is so different.
Speaker 2:It is different.
Speaker 1:But I think a lot of times and I can just say for my generation growing up, we learned a lot.
Speaker 1:You had to learn like survival skills, Like you learned to cook, you learned to wash clothes, you learned to hang clothes on the line. You learned how to make a meal out of, let's say, beans, rice and maybe some you know a little piece of meat or some potatoes. You can make a meal out of nothing and it's like and we had. We learned problem solving. You know, it's not like I don't know what to do, I can't figure this out.
Speaker 1:No, you have to figure it out because, your mom is at work or your dad's at work and it's just you at home and you have chores during the summertime. You know, I remember that you keep my door locked, you make sure this house is clean I need to see those carpet lines on the carpet and you take this meat out so when I get home I can cook it.
Speaker 1:You know, let that meat still be frozen when I get home from work and we're going to have a problem, you know. So it's certain things that kind of stick with you growing up as a child and then you learn that and you repeat those things as an adult.
Speaker 2:Right. So as an adult now, now since you know we talked parent versus a dual parent, you're saying, like you know, you, I guess you know, you're saying, hey, ideally it should be two parent and all, but do you think the wheel can still move and turn and you can still be successful with one parent?
Speaker 1:Overall? Yes, I think so. I think because sometimes you can have both parents and maybe only one parent is, is active, or that sense, or has sense, or sometimes it may not be. Either parents, you know, or sometimes. Yeah, each situation is different, different, but do I think a person can grow up whether they're dual or single household raised and be successful in life? Yes, yes, they still have the same they may not have they may not have the same opportunity because financial reasons or um, just maybe um exposure right or c camps okay, did you have a, a radio system or some kind of recording system growing up that most people probably didn't have?
Speaker 2:okay, anyway, um, you're making it personal now.
Speaker 1:You said C camp. Now I take that personal, but you know, it just depends. I think either person can make it. I really do, I believe that too I just think that a dual parent household and I'll still stand by that like you, have somewhat of an advantage. I would say.
Speaker 2:Wait a minute. So you think there's an advantage as an adult, you still think that I do. And ideally I think that's the way it should be. But I have seen a lot of dual parents and they did not have the advantage parents and they did not have the advantage. Like I don't I don't mean growing up, I don't even remember, uh, a single parent household. Everybody stuck together. Even if the marriage was rocky or the relationship was rocky, they were still together so you grew up seeing household families that were coupled right, and they, whether they was married or not, and they did.
Speaker 2:you know they, it would take a lifetime for them to break up and you know it still wasn't Bill Cosby.
Speaker 1:And I grew up the opposite. I grew up seeing a lot of single households and it had just you just made a point. You said the dual family stuck together and what I saw growing up, the single families stuck together.
Speaker 2:Because it was taboo growing up to see people get divorced and stuff. It was. You just wasn't. Even if Big Ronnie was out there cheating around doing whatever, whether he was married or not, he was still coming back home, know shout out to big ronnie for coming back home yeah, come on to them, kids you got kids on the other side of the track.
Speaker 1:You got another family.
Speaker 2:You know, ultimately I mean they would break up and all, but I didn't even know like I, I never, I don't know. One friend I had, or maybe it was low-key, but everybody that I knew had, uh, a mom and a dad or a male figure and a female figure in their life.
Speaker 2:Interesting yeah I didn't know many or you know. However, and I'm like heck, some of them turned out, a lot of them turned out messed up, so I don't think it was no. You know, no benefit, you know. However, you know, I don't know, I'm just tongue tied.
Speaker 1:Maybe some people stay together and I believe this, like I think certain religions or certain cultures a lot of times believe like when you're in a marriage, you're not sticking together, it's not based off of your happiness. You're not sticking together, it's not based off of your happiness, like if you committed to stick together, you commit to raise your family and that's what you do. There's no clause that says you need to be happy.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 1:I agree to a certain extent. Like you're not going to be happy every day, You're not going to like that person every day. However, what are your goals and what are you trying to achieve as a couple and as parents? Right? So, a lot of times people stay together for for convenience.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Right, like I'm not splitting this and I'm not moving here and I'm not, you know, or they feel like I'll wait to the kid, to the kids graduate and the kids the kids can hit parents. The kids hear y'all fussing. They hear Kids can hear parents. The kids hear y'all fussing.
Speaker 2:They hear.
Speaker 1:They hear Big Ronnie and Mama in the room talking about the kids on the other side of the track or the light bill. It hasn't been paid.
Speaker 2:The kids heard it all.
Speaker 1:They heard it all.
Speaker 2:Your leg is shorter than the other one, it's noticeable. They hear all that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they know it, you know. So it's like and that's another thing yo.
Speaker 2:They breath be stinking. They hear all that it's.
Speaker 1:Another thing is having mature disagreements so that children can grow up, learning how to disagree in a way that's not disrespectful, right? I've heard so many conversations where some kids or adults they said they grew up and they never heard their parents argue. Right, and it's like how is that possible? How are you together 30, 40, 50 years and you never had a disagreement?
Speaker 2:Maybe they was miming.
Speaker 1:But sign, sign. They did some sign language behind the doors, behind the doors, but you know. And then so they had to struggle with learning how to grow up and disagree with their partner, and it's like they didn't know how to do that. Like you know, shut up mom. Or you know, shut up to the wife and the husband. You ain't about nothing, you sorry, you know, you sorry, sap sucker, you know. And so I think it's important not saying that you should have a full blown out argument in front of your children, but I think it's important that children, if they are your, you are the examples to your, for your children they see you every day if they see that you have a disagreement and it's not disrespectful, but it's taught, it's discussed and it's shared where you know it may even sound a little heated.
Speaker 1:However, you learn and you teach them how to disagree without it being blown out and disrespectful and you punching holes in the walls or you busting his tires or you know it. All of that. It and I think a lot of times that's learned behavior too like you have to be crazy and knocking buck and you know I punch your mama. You know, like all of that. Like what? What is that about? This is just a disagreement about the chicken tasted old and now yeah, and now I'm talking about your mama, you know.
Speaker 1:So it's like you have to also remember that children are always watching, right. And I remember, growing up, I was always listening because I felt like I had to protect my mom, like I felt like I had I was the oldest child I felt like I had to be responsible even for her, even though she never intentionally put me in adult's business. I just felt like I had to look out for her. Right, right, right.
Speaker 2:I mean I think any kid will do that and you built that's a whole nother topic there, you know. But, um, definitely kids do watch and they hear and um, and that's the another downside about being um a single parent, because you have to be very cautious that because kids are watching, because that's all they have parents, I mean, that could be both parents too, you know, but definitely, I think, especially with single parents, because you know you can't bring suzy yeah, mary, that's true janet, you know kim, because the kids see that you know you keep having people.
Speaker 2:You keep having people over and over and over. So back in the days you know I'm I'm saying it's just like you know, even I can remember just people were like well, maybe I did know a couple of single friends that had single parents. It was like, you know, not everybody can come over.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Like you wasn't coming over, you know. However, you know, whatever it is, and I was going to meet my one friend, I think his name was Tony and Tony yeah, tony was a single parent. I think he was with his mom and, you know, you weren't about to just be coming over and she was, like she always say, I'm like real, like nobody just coming over here. My mom was like he was like my mom don't never had nobody coming over.
Speaker 2:At least that I be saying. I remember him saying that. So that was the thing. You weren't just about to be having a whole bunch of people come, Because kids see that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know yeah.
Speaker 2:You keep, you know you going relationship after relationship after relationship after relationship after relationship, and then kids think that that's cool.
Speaker 1:Or they think it's normal.
Speaker 2:No, that ain't, but that's not normal.
Speaker 1:You know Right, when you go to bed, you know sometimes parents are trying to figure it out and have their lives too. But you know sometimes it's best maybe to use some discretion with that to where if you can't figure it out as a parent, then maybe your kids, you know, kind of shield them from seeing you figure it out right, as much as much as you can.
Speaker 2:I mean as much as much as possible. You know, if you gotta do something strange to some change, you know just you know, do it when they at school. Yeah, you know this will make sure them kids got them school clothes and how you got it you know.
Speaker 1:Bless your heart and be safe out there, okay so every so you saying it's okay everybody to have uh what's, what's the ladies uh lance from um what's the movie?
Speaker 2:set it off when she ate nate nate, I need that, that money, nate. I said I'll pay you when I get done dang nate, have you whatever you gotta do, you know so safely, it ain't tricking, if you got it no, okay, because them kids need school clothes. They got field trips coming up.
Speaker 1:They need letterman jackets so shout out to all the tricks and christmas, all the tricks out there. If you a sugar daddy, sugar mama, if you buying christmas gifts school getting them early, probably starting out.
Speaker 2:This is what jacket. Yeah, this is june.
Speaker 1:Yeah, start working on it shopping for those mcgregors in a couple of weeks and if you if you the type of sugar daddy that's buying mcgregor's, you need to get more sugar, because your kids want logos on their stuff, okay listen, you get what you earn okay but that's listen, we get all of you, you get what you earn.
Speaker 2:You know like you get mcgrath, you get mcgregor uh work, you get mcgregor shoes, you get. You know, louis, you get louis work, you get louis shoes that's the way it works.
Speaker 1:If you a low-grade sugar daddy, just say that.
Speaker 2:Okay, if you a knockoff sugar daddy, a teamu sheen sugar daddy, just get your whole box of sheen just say that nobody will pay for the tears the shoes and the soles coming off the shoes and the kids get embarrassed.
Speaker 1:Do you want to remember? Do you want a child to feel like you did at your family reunion? When you pulled those those those pant legs up and they saw those okay, then, okay, but you know.
Speaker 2:But even shout out to the parents, though you know, even though we laughing, though, shout out to the parents that you know what you doing, all you can do. Okay, yes, now, even though you know we're joking, you know talking about nate and all this stuff here and all.
Speaker 2:However, but just know that the kids, they're not going to stay small forever and they will remember these moments that's right you know I'm saying they may not say, hey, I used to go out and eat here, or they may not be able to go there this and that other, but that does not determine their future. You continue to show them morals and stuff like this and make it happen however that is, and then kids will remember that, just like we're talking about stuff that we remember back when we were eight, nine years old. They're going to remember, like you know, what we couldn't go to. Benihana's and I have is, but mom was a good cook, dad was a good cook.
Speaker 1:you know we couldn't go to the amusement park, you know, but we had a picnic right or I couldn't fly on a plane, but we took a 12-hour bus, bus ride greyhound ride or car ride you know, and you know, we had fried chicken in a in a ziploc bag and we, we went on this trip and it was so much fun and you know things like that. You have. You create great memories and but do what you can as a parent.
Speaker 2:You do what you can and don't feel less than yeah you know what I'm saying because things will change now. So what you put into them and then they grow up, you know, definitely. You know. You don't know what they will become. You know, but give them the exposure like you was talking about. You know, if you can't, you know, if you're not a millionaire and I I preached this today and you want to be a millionaire, you may want to hang out with more wealthy people. You know, if you don't know any millionaires and you need to find somebody that's making more than you, that has, if you want to start a business, hang around with people that have businesses. You know.
Speaker 1:Right and show your kids, teach them those things like teach them that it's feasible.
Speaker 2:It's feasible.
Speaker 1:And you have to work for what you want. Nothing drops in your hand freely or quickly. Like everything, what we see on social media is like we already see the big picture. We already see the glam.
Speaker 2:However, it took some time and some work and effort to get there right, let them see the struggle yes because the struggle is what molds you to, to become that person right you can't always have the successes and say, hey, I got here, you know I'll say no. Show your kids the struggle, how it took.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so then they learn life skills and they learn how to figure things out.
Speaker 2:And it'd be more appreciative.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Because they know that that $10 had to go to the light bill. But you know what? We're going to go to McDonald's in the highway and, mom or dad, we're going to figure it out.
Speaker 1:No, we gotald's at home exactly. That's a whole nother story so get in there, peel those potatoes that's a whole nother story those potatoes and take out that ground beef so I can make some mcdonald's at home. So let me ask you a question. Like you know how those shows I don't know if you used to watch those shows- but, on mtv sweet 16 right I did, oh, okay. So, Sweet 16 was like a show that. I know what Sweet 16 was so why did you say you never watched it?
Speaker 2:I didn't. That don't mean I don't know what it is.
Speaker 1:Okay, so you know you watch Sweet 16 and then you see like the big party, and then they may have a celebrity and the girl or guy they have like different outfit changes and then they have like a huge cake and party favors and then the finale is they get this huge car right, you know Range Rover or BMW and they're 16. And you know it's like oh my gosh. You know everybody is screaming and then, like kids have grown up to think that parents owe them a huge party. And I know in some cultures you have the quinceanera, you have sweet 16s, but then you have those over the top where parents are stressing out it's like planning for a wedding. They're stressing out and spending so much money on having this ultimate sweet 16 birthday party and then this huge car, so that the kid feels like you know, oh, you know this is my thing. So do you think that?
Speaker 1:Give it to me because I this particular gift, whatever it may be, whether it's a car, whether it's a trip to france. I've seen a kid pay her parents pay for her to have a nose job, and she was still a child, she was still developing. You know, you know all of the things. Do you feel as if, once the child gets to a certain age, that they deserve to have these lavish items? That's the question. Give me the question. That's the question.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:Why.
Speaker 2:So, number one you do what's in your means, okay. If you can do that, however, by so, let it be.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Make it happen. You know what I'm saying. It doesn't make you more of a parent, you know, because you can get a Range Rover or you drive one, or whether they don't Like. It does not make you a better parent, you know. So, if you have the means to do so, by all means do it. Now. Do I owe kids something? No, I'm talking about about like gifts or nothing like that, but what I do owe to you is to teach you valuable principle, principles that will sustain you and to catapult you through life. Okay, that's what I owe you well, that's, I don't owe you.
Speaker 2:I don't owe you like monetary.
Speaker 1:You know anything I need a poor, you know I need to make sure you have food, shelter.
Speaker 2:You know all those little you know, yeah, and mcgregor's you know. Now, if I can add some more other stuff in then, so so let it be, you know. But that doesn't, that does not, you know.
Speaker 2:Make you know, make me a better parent and all I think, once you, once you open up those floodgates a lot of times, if that doesn't come with understanding and principles and kind of wisdom, then you have adult children growing up thinking that they're entitled to something, however, and then, when they hear the word no, they're going to flip out and be locked up somewhere yeah and so it starts as it starts as a little one. You know, to this you have to do this.
Speaker 1:So you have to earn something to get it.
Speaker 2:That's the way life works, even as an adult. For most people we'll say that For most people, for the average American, that's the way it works. And then I hear about people getting upset as an adult, like you're mad because you didn't get something. Like you, an adult, like get up out of here. You know, like I don't financial wise, I don't owe you anything. I can give you financial advice.
Speaker 1:No, I need you to give me your debit card.
Speaker 2:But me giving you a debit card, but you know what Like? How about I teach you about credit? Hmm, how about I teach you how? That's going to go a lot further than me reaching in my pocketbook to say, hey, here's the McGregors, okay, here's those, louis, here's this and that other. So you know, it's just wisdom and all. And some parents, you know they believe if I can't do that, then I failed them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, wisdom and all. And some parents you know they believe if I can't do, that then I failed them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it's parent guilt, parental guilt. Yeah, like, get like, get over it. Okay, get over it. And yes, I said it. You can continue to email me and guess what, I'll email you back, but no, we don't do that. You know, don't set kids up for failure. Okay, we can't, we can't do that.
Speaker 1:So do within your means, do what's in your means, or the proverb give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day okay teach a man to fish, yes, and you will feed him for a lifetime so basically that's, true teach your kid how to cook, so that they can feed themselves for a lifetime they won't be struggling and when they open the refrigerator, say hey, there's nothing to eat.
Speaker 1:You know, equip your kids with with things so that they can survive in life and and that they don't grow up. You know that they don't grow up to feel entitled or feels as feel as if the world owes them, because the only thing you're getting is the McGregors.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and they don't come with no fat laces. Boom, boom, you know. With that being said, please continue to reach out to us.
Speaker 1:Yes, please email us at allinyourbiz b-i-z-z. 25 at gmailcom. Music, music.