🎙️Nalee's Hypothetical Hotline - Episode 2 - The Best Friend Ultimatum (AUDIO ONLY)🎙️

When your partner asks you to choose between them and your best friend, there’s no clean way out.

In The Best Friend Ultimatum, Nalee takes a call that cuts straight to the heart of loyalty, trust, and emotional boundaries. A year-long relationship is put on the line when a partner draws a hard boundary: them—or the best friend. What starts as concern quickly unravels into deeper questions about honesty, insecurity, and what’s really been left unsaid.

This episode explores how withheld truths can quietly corrode trust, how emotional attachments complicate decision-making, and why ultimatums often reveal more about fear than control. Nalee breaks down the tension between protecting a romantic relationship and honoring long-standing friendships—especially when blurred boundaries and emotional intimacy enter the conversation.

We’re diving into:
📞 The Ultimatum → when a partner forces a choice between love and loyalty
🧠 Trust & Transparency → how withheld truth reshapes relationships
👯‍♀️ Friends vs. Partners → navigating boundaries without burning bridges
🔥 Emotional vs. Physical Intimacy → when connection crosses unseen lines
💭 Insecurity & Fear → how they quietly drive “impossible” demands

This episode isn’t about villains or easy answers—it’s about understanding why ultimatums happen, what they expose, and how to decide whether the issue is the friendship… or the foundation of the relationship itself.

🎧 Nalee’s Hypothetical Hotline — where the messiest situations get the most honest conversations.

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 It’s not an insult. It’s a hoe-mmunity.

What if we did choose chaos… but thoughtfully?

Nalee’s Hypothetical Hotline delivers advice that’s 70% emotionally intelligent, 20% petty, and 10% “please don’t actually do this.” Send in your hypotheticals that are absolutely not hypotheticals, and we’ll help you navigate your main-character energy with just enough restraint.

Growth. With seasoning.

This isn’t therapy. This isn’t mediation. This is Twin Tangents Court.

Where group chat screenshots become evidence, red flags are entered into the record, and absolutely no one leaves unjudged. From dating disasters to roommate crimes to petty indictments, we bring the gavel down with dramatic precision.

New cases drop every other Friday at 8 AM Central. Bring your receipts. Prepare for sentencing.

Just when you thought the chaos was over—Anthony and Nalee invite you to keep the tangents going. With a soft outro vibe and one last wink to the listener, this post-roll points you toward the Twin Tangents website and socials for more unfiltered content. Because if you’re still here, you clearly get it… and we love that for you.

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Transcript

The Best Friend Ultimatum Setup

ANTHONY 0:48

We're Gucci. We're live.

NALEE 0:50

All right. Well, ring ring ring. You've reached Nollie's hypothetical hotline, and unfortunately, you have a side to pick today. And today's episode's question is: What do you do when two people you love the most can't stand each other? And one of them wants you to choose. Today's episode title is called The Best Friend Ultimatum. And to give you a little recap, here is the scenario's description. You've been with your partner for a year. Things are getting really serious. Y'all have talked about moving in. You have shared calendars. Y'all have future trips planned. And your best friend Maya has been in your life since high school. She's seen every version of you. Bad haircuts, bad excess, bad decisions. At first, your partner says, Maya is just a lot. Like, I can't stand that hoe. Then it becomes jokes about her being immature. And every time you mention her name, he's always rolling his eyes. And then all of a sudden, they just stop coming to any plans that involves Maya. So one night, after a small argument, your partner finally says it out loud. I just don't trust her. She undermines our relationship. I don't want her this involved in our life. And they insist that it's not jealousy, it's just boundaries, quote unquote. Meanwhile, Maya tells you she thinks your partner is slowly isolating you and doesn't like that you're changing. Now, on both sides, everything feels loaded. Every hangout feels like a betrayal to one or the other. And all of a sudden, the gut punch moment is that your partner says, I'm not telling you what to do, but I know. Sorry, blanked out. But I don't know.

ANTHONY 2:43

I was like, Are you okay?

NALEE 2:45

I was building it up. Yeah, I was building it up. But I don't know if I can stay in a relationship where she is this central. And then Maya texts you the same night. Just be honest. Are you choosing your partner over me? Okay, so the question is: should a partner ever get a say in how close you are to your best friend, or is asking you to diss yourself a red flag? End goal.

ANTHONY 3:14

Okay, so first off, I just want to clarify a few things. So Maya is my friend.

NALEE 3:20

Yep.

ANTHONY 3:21

My partner doesn't like Maya. Maya doesn't like my partner.

NALEE 3:25

It's not necessarily that Maya doesn't like your partner. It's that she's noticing that, hey, like you're changing and I don't like who you're becoming. Like, what do I do? Or what what what do you do in that situation where you're trying to like find the middle ground? And then the question is that should your partner ever get a say on how close like you are to your best friend?

ANTHONY 3:48

No.

NALEE 3:49

And then is is that a red flag?

ANTHONY 3:52

I don't necessarily think that it's a red flag, but I think between my partner and myself, you don't tell me who I can and cannot hang out with.

SPEAKER_02 4:03

Okay.

ANTHONY 4:04

And remind me who because that was a very long story. Long, long intro. So who's giving me the ultimatum? My partner?

NALEE 4:12

Your partner is. He's saying that bitch is too much. It's either you leave or chop chop. Bye.

Can Partners Police Your Friendships?

ANTHONY 4:18

Okay, then chop chop bye. Peace out. I don't I don't do ultimatums. You don't give me an ultimatum on who can be part of my life.

SPEAKER_02 4:27

Okay.

ANTHONY 4:28

Especially if we're all grown adults. You fucking learn to deal with it. Like.

NALEE 4:33

Okay. Interesting.

ANTHONY 4:35

But what and what is your take on that?

NALEE 4:38

Okay. My take on it is I don't I agree with you. I don't think that they have the right to tell me who I should hang out with or whatever. Granted, this person has been with me since high school and you've just been in my life for like two years. I will give you the benefit of the doubt that, hey, let's say if like Maya's a real, real bad person, like she's still in shit, and you know, like she's a klepto or whatever, then okay, you could say that, yeah, you don't see this, but she's like bad for you. Okay, got it. Point taken. But if you're gonna be like, hey, you need to cut her out, it's either me or her, I think I'd be in a really tough situation. Like, you know what I mean? But knowing me, I would be like, hey, like, you know, you can feel however you want, but I'm still gonna do this. Or I'm still gonna hang out with her. You know what I mean?

ANTHONY 5:29

Yeah, I'm the one hanging out with her, not you.

NALEE 5:32

Yeah.

ANTHONY 5:33

And okay, so you you don't want to go to events where she's gonna be present. I think that's a little immature. Like I said, we're all adults. You can't coexist in the same room with somebody that you don't get along with? Come on.

NALEE 5:48

Yeah.

ANTHONY 5:49

That says a lot more about you than anything.

NALEE 5:52

Yeah. Okay, some talking points here. Should loyalty to a long-term relationship or friendship outweigh romantic love?

ANTHONY 6:02

Should loyalty to a long-lasting friendship outweigh?

NALEE 6:06

That's a good question.

ANTHONY 6:08

It's a really good question, but I but at the same time, I'm also thinking it shouldn't even be a question. Again, like from a standpoint of discussing with my partner, like I said, you don't have to be friends with her. I'm friends with her. I'm the one hanging out with her. If you don't want if we're going to the movies, if we're going out to a club and you don't want to go, fine, so be it. You're an adult. Stay home. Go do your own fucking thing.

SPEAKER_02 6:35

Yeah.

ANTHONY 6:35

Now, from a standpoint from Maya as my friend, I don't know who the fuck you think you are that you would ever be like giving me an ultimatum. I know she, I know you're not, you said that she's not the one who gave me the ultimatum, but like, if that were to ever happen, I'm not gonna choose one side over the other.

SPEAKER_02 6:55

Yeah.

ANTHONY 6:56

I think the bottom line is that we're all adults and you need to learn to coexist, whether or not you like the person or not.

SPEAKER_02 7:03

Okay, okay.

ANTHONY 7:06

What are your thoughts on that?

NALEE 7:10

I think it depends. I think it's really hard. I'm probably gonna like, I don't know. I'm gonna stir the pot a little bit. Okay. So let's just say Wow.

ANTHONY 7:23

Pot stirring, Ollie.

NALEE 7:25

Period. I'm a witch bitch, okay? Let's see. So uh, should loyalty in a long-term friendship outweigh romantic love? I think that what you said is 100% right. I think as adults, you should be able to coexist, put your damn feelings aside. If you really actually care about your friend, I think you'd be willing to make space, at least, even if you don't like them, you at least have to have some kind of tolerance, right? Like for me, and it's gonna sound really stupid. Again, this is just my point of view. Again, everybody is entitled to their own opinion. But if beating the yeah, even if she ain't beating the he ain't beating the shit out of her, and he's not doing anything wrong, and it's ultimately just him, like I would say, hey, like, you know, that's cool. Like, you stay over there, I'll stay over here. Because I if I see that he's treating her right, and even if we don't get to spend time together as much, as long as she's happy, I'm okay with that. Like, yeah, it sucks. And the point of Maya were like, it's like, hey, like you're changing or whatever. But at the same time, though, it's like she has her own backbone. Like, if she wants to hang out with you, she's gonna make it happen. Or if she really loves you, if you're the partner, like she's gonna say, hey, like, give you some reassurance. It's not that I don't love you or whatever, but tonight it's my girl's night. Like, either you take it or leave it. You know what I mean?

ANTHONY 8:51

Yeah. So it's yeah, go ahead.

NALEE 8:55

I was gonna say it's a tough situation being stuck in the middle. I think being on the outside, being the romantic partner and being the friend, though, you have that responsibility of not putting yourself first if you actually really care about your friend or your loved one. You know what I mean?

unknown 9:11

So yeah.

ANTHONY 9:12

Yeah, that's exactly what I was gonna say was like between my partner and Maya, seeing as how I'm the one who's getting it from both sides, I really think that as my friend and as my partner, you should be putting my feelings above your own and saying, Maya should be saying, Okay, is his partner making him happy? Yes. Fuck what I feel then. And for my partner, is Maya making Anthony happy?

SPEAKER_02 9:43

Yeah.

ANTHONY 9:44

Yes. Then fuck my feelings about Maya. And I think the biggest thing is just being able to coexist as adults.

NALEE 9:52

Yeah.

ANTHONY 9:53

And then yeah.

NALEE 9:55

Alright. So let's say, put it in a hypothetical, right? It's me and you and Richard. Okay. And Richard comes to you and says, hey, like you need to make a decision, and you decide to choose Richard. If you were in my shoes, you'd think you would hate me or hate you.

ANTHONY 10:15

Say that again.

NALEE 10:18

Okay.

ANTHONY 10:21

So Richard has given me an ultimatum that I have to choose him or you.

NALEE 10:25

Yes, and then you decide to go with him. Like you decide to be like I wouldn't do that.

Loyalty Versus Love And Adult Coexistence

ANTHONY 10:29

I would not, do not give me an ultimatum like that. These are two different parties in my life. Either if he wants to be like, okay, you're not gonna stop being friends with Nolly, I'm gonna peace out. That's on him. That's not on me. That's his choice. But do not give me an ultimatum. Do not ever ask me to be like, pick Nolly or me.

NALEE 10:55

Damn, okay. I see you, boo.

ANTHONY 10:58

Well, and that's across the board for anybody in my life. It doesn't even have to be like a friend or a partner. Like, even like if you came to me and you were like, pick me or Melissa.

NALEE 11:08

Okay. Yeah, that's tough.

ANTHONY 11:10

No. If you don't get along with Melissa, and by the way, this is all fictional people for anybody who starts any rumors.

SPEAKER_02 11:19

Yeah.

ANTHONY 11:19

But if you have a problem with Melissa, don't come to me and be like, you need to pick Melissa or me. Or I'm out.

SPEAKER_02 11:26

Is that odd of sound?

ANTHONY 11:27

Like that. Oh. Should we I could bring in my Asian accent from the Bring in your Asian accent and uh No, I'm just kidding.

NALEE 11:35

You know, fill me in. I mean, not fill me in.

ANTHONY 12:31

No, I'm not gonna do it.

NALEE 12:33

Do it, do it, do it.

ANTHONY 12:36

That would be on you. I would say, no, I'm not gonna pick Melissa over you. I'm not gonna, or I'm not gonna pick you over Melissa.

SPEAKER_02 12:44

Yeah.

ANTHONY 12:44

If you have a problem with her, you guys need to learn to coexist. And if that means that you want to stop talking to me and you don't want to be my friend anymore, that's on you.

SPEAKER_02 12:54

Yeah.

ANTHONY 12:55

I'll I'll be disappointed about your decision, but it's your decision, and I can't change that.

NALEE 13:01

What if they're both like that? Like, hey, like you need to like choose him or choose me, and e and your friend says that to you too. Like, what would you do?

ANTHONY 13:11

Same thing. Do not give me an ultimatum and ask me to choose a side. Don't ever do that. That won't sit well with me.

NALEE 13:19

Noted.

ANTHONY 13:20

Yeah, no.

NALEE 13:21

Okay.

ANTHONY 13:22

What would you do if I came to you and I said, Nolly, you need to stop being friends with Melissa. It's either me or Melissa.

NALEE 13:28

I can't do that. I'm gonna be like, y'all better hash it out because this isn't about me.

ANTHONY 13:32

That's what I'm saying.

NALEE 13:34

Or I'd I knowing being a potster again, I'd tell us to go to dinner and I'd be like, Y'all bitches got something against each other. Now talk it out now. Like, talk it out. What's up?

ANTHONY 13:46

I don't think that's a potster. I think that is opening the channels for communication, which sometimes is needed. I definitely think that that would be an option.

NALEE 13:56

Yeah. I think you gotta tread lightly on that though, depending on like how much they hate each other. Yeah, and each other's personality. Because let's just say if like I'm the type to jump people on the get-go and not even let them talk, yeah, Melissa's gonna be in the hospital.

ANTHONY 14:14

Well, girl, bye. Anybody would put Melissa in a hospital. She weighs 10 pounds, soaking what?

NALEE 14:20

We love you, Melissa. You could have been on this podcast, you could have been that third party, you chose not to. You done lost your opportunity. All right. So I have a trick or a twist.

SPEAKER_02 14:33

A trick? Oh, a twist. Okay.

NALEE 14:35

A twist, I meant. Okay. So the twist is that you accidentally discover old messages that your partner and Maya briefly hooked up years ago before he was ever your partner. They both insist that it meant nothing and it wasn't worth telling you. Now the question isn't loyalty, it's withheld truth. Was your partner's discomfort intuition or guilt? And was Maya's protective concern or unfinished business? What do you think?

ANTHONY 15:10

Well, I can't answer for if it was protective concern from Maya, especially if I didn't know and I don't know the details.

NALEE 15:18

Okay.

ANTHONY 15:19

As far what was the question for my partner?

NALEE 15:23

So now that you know that it was withheld truth, was your partner's discomfort intuition or was it guilt from knowing that they were together briefly?

ANTHONY 15:33

Again, I can't answer that without knowing the details about their relationship. But I'm not gonna I wouldn't hold that over them because I mean, I don't know anybody who I mean, maybe I'm wrong. I guess let me rephrase this. I don't think that I've ever been in a relationship where I have divulged every single person that I have been with.

unknown 15:57

Okay.

ANTHONY 15:57

And it's not a matter of me trying to like hide anything, it's just do you really need to have that conversation with the person that you're dating? Did you?

SPEAKER_02 16:08

I have not.

ANTHONY 16:10

Granted, you haven't had that many sexual partners. I think I'm up to like 433.

NALEE 16:18

You don't know that. She's good. Y'all know my six left already. It's fine. But I don't know, in my opinion, because y'all already know me. Like, I'm a jealous bitch. I don't give a fuck. Whatever the situation is. At that point, for me, it's like y'all betrayed me. Like, one, if you're my friend from high school, bitch, don't we already talk about stuff like that? Like, wouldn't you have told me about this guy? You know what I mean? And again, this is probably sounding self-centered. It's probably a little bit of insecurity, whatever. But that's just how I would feel. I would feel like super betrayed. Like, what the fuck? Like, you should have told me. Because the thing is, what go ahead. I don't do sloppy seconds, first of all. And second of all, yes, even if it's a long time ago, like you being my friend and you being my partner, that should have been the first thing that you discussed. Because let's just say further on down the road, like something happens and y'all start having feelings for each other again, and y'all start doing stuff behind my back. Like, you know what I mean? So it's just kind of like if you could lie to me about this and it wouldn't have mattered to me in the beginning, but then y'all held it on this long, granted it's like a year, a year now, and you could have you couldn't have said, Hey, by the way, like I used to talk to your friend, or hey, by the way, I used to talk to your like your man. If you can't even tell me that, like, imagine what could happen. And again, this is probably trust issues. Obviously, I'd give them the benefit of the doubt. But at the same time, if I found out that they lied to me, yeah, trust is gone. Being you're my best friend, and you didn't tell me this, yeah.

ANTHONY 17:56

Yeah, that's a really good point. I guess I wasn't looking at it from a standpoint of them like knowing each other.

SPEAKER_02 18:03

Yeah.

ANTHONY 18:04

So yeah, that, yeah. As soon as I introduced them, I would have expected that at some point one of them would have said something.

NALEE 18:13

Exactly. Exactly. Maybe not your partner because he's trying to like get in your pants. I get that. Like, you want to look good. You want to like, and obviously the burden's not off of him or them, regardless. But again, I feel like that's the responsibility of your best friend. Like, y'all don't have secrets. As far as I know, my best friends, we don't have secrets.

ANTHONY 18:33

Like you, like, well, you shouldn't have secrets with your partner either.

NALEE 18:36

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. But I'm just saying that, like, if you've been friends, if we've been friends for since high school and you've talked to this person already, wouldn't you be like, ugh, I've already talked to him? Like, you don't want to talk to him, you know, like I've talked to him already. That's how what I would do. But let's just say if like my friend saw that, oh, I really liked him, regardless, I would be like, hey, you know what? I know you really like him. I know y'all sitting it off, whatever, but I just want to let you know, like, I used to talk to him. You know what I mean?

ANTHONY 19:08

Yeah. Yeah, I do think that somebody should have something for sure.

NALEE 19:13

Yeah, if I found out, like in this situation where like they hooked up years ago, it gives me the ick immediately. And if I get the ick, bitch, you out of here.

ANTHONY 19:24

Oh, it gives you the ick. Well, see, that could be a personal preference though, because I like I feel like I know people who won't who wouldn't care. Like, if you if you like somebody and you're really into somebody, what does it what difference does it make?

NALEE 19:38

It does.

ANTHONY 19:40

You've been But again, that's that's that's gonna be.

NALEE 19:43

You've been inside her house, and now you've been inside my house. And now you've been inside both of our houses.

ANTHONY 19:48

Is that what we're calling your vagina? Is your vagina a house?

unknown 19:52

Yeah.

NALEE 19:53

My palace.

ANTHONY 19:54

Your palace, your precious palace.

NALEE 19:57

My precious palace, my pee-pee.

ANTHONY 19:59

Yeah, no, don't do that. Yeah, I don't know. I think that's a I think that's gonna be a personal preference as far as whether or not you're okay with it.

NALEE 20:09

Okay, so let's put it in perspective. If me and Richard hooked up a couple years ago, before you and he met, and then you found out and I didn't tell you, and then now you found out, how are you gonna feel about it? You still gonna be fine with it?

ANTHONY 20:21

I mean, again, going back to it and looking at it from that new perspective, I would expect that if I started seeing Richard, and then he was like, or I was like, hey Richard, I want you to meet my friend Nolly. Nolly, this is Richard, Richard, this is Nolly, and neither one of you said anything.

SPEAKER_02 20:42

Yeah.

ANTHONY 20:44

I'm gonna have a problem with that. I would expect at that point, first or at some point shortly after that first meeting between the two of you, that one of you would say something. And again, it's gonna what's gonna play a factor here is how long have I been seeing Richard? How long have we been together? How serious are we? Like if it's serious.

NALEE 21:08

If it's a year in and they didn't say nothing, you wouldn't be mad. You would just be like, uh, pish posh.

ANTHONY 21:13

It's well okay, let me ask you it. So it's a year into my relationship and how long into that relationship before you met?

NALEE 21:24

Like the first. Yeah.

ANTHONY 21:26

So I mean if we're using you and Richard as an example, if I've been dating Richard for a year, in those 12 months, at what point did you and Richard meet? When did I introduce the two of you?

NALEE 21:35

Sure. Okay. So let's put it in perspective. Let's say y'all met and then you've been talking to him, and I didn't I'm your friend. I knew about it. But then we, me and Richard, like, we hooked up, I don't know, like maybe half a year within half a year when you guys first met.

ANTHONY 21:56

So you hooked up with him while I was talking to him?

NALEE 21:59

No, it's supposed to be before, but maybe my timeline is fucked up. So I talked to him, and then six months goes by. Me and me and Richard hooks up, six months goes by, and then you and Richard meet. But then at that time, you you because we're best friends, you're gonna introduce us immediately and be like, oh hey, this is a person I'm seeing.

ANTHONY 22:18

Would I though?

NALEE 22:20

What do you mean?

The Withheld Truth Twist Revealed

ANTHONY 22:21

I don't think that I would introduce somebody that I'm just starting to date right away to my friends. I would. Really?

NALEE 22:30

Yeah. For me, like if I was to meet somebody and I feel like there's some kind of genuine connection or like trying to fill them out, my friends, the first thing that I test. Like, they're not my family. So there's no, like, there's no commitment. But like I would say within a month, if we started like talking and stuff, yeah, within a month, I'd be like, oh, hey, let's go hang out with my friends and let's just let them feel you out too and see how it goes. And that's when I would introduce you and Richard.

ANTHONY 22:58

Okay, maybe a month in, maybe I could see that. But like No, three days in by like I wouldn't go in a yeah. I wouldn't three days in and be like, hey, meet my best friend. You're not coming into my inner circle until I know that this could potentially go somewhere.

NALEE 23:12

Exactly.

ANTHONY 23:13

Because like if I just met and I'm like, this was a good fuck, I don't see this going anywhere. I'm never gonna see you again. Exactly. Why the fuck would I introduce you to my friends? So okay.

NALEE 23:24

So we're being adults here, and if the situation was like going as how I was planning it, and let's say within a month and a half, I'm like, okay, we're really hitting it off. Like, he's checking off all my boxes, you know, and then I'm like, okay, I'm gonna bring my girl around, I'm gonna bring Anthony around, and or I'm gonna bring Nollie around and see how he reacts around her. And at that time, I don't tell you that me and Richard has hooked up before or whatever. And then y'all go on a date for a whole last year, y'all plan all this stuff, and then from there, you go through Richard's messages and you find out that okay, yeah, we hooked up six months prior to y'all getting together. But I knew about it the whole time. He knew about it the whole time, obviously, but he didn't say anything. Like, what are your thoughts then? Okay, so first off the year we're in.

ANTHONY 24:19

Before I answer this, so I've been in a relationship with Richard for a year now. Where it's it's serious, right?

NALEE 24:27

Yeah, it's serious. I think a year, year like a year relationship is a pretty serious relationship. You think so? That's a lot of time you've spent with somebody, yeah?

ANTHONY 24:37

So first off, if it's a year in and it's a serious relationship, like I don't foresee myself being like, bye, you've been with Nolly. Okay, but I do feel I do see myself as being like, Richard, you didn't fucking say anything to me. Nolly, you didn't fucking say anything to me. I'm gonna be pissed at the both of you, but it's not gonna be like the end of the world or the end of the any of the relationships.

NALEE 25:00

Interesting.

ANTHONY 25:02

Listen, the bottom line is people sleep with other people. It's very rare that you're gonna meet somebody that you're gonna be the only person that they've ever been with in their entire life, and that they're gonna be the only person that you will ever be with for your entire life, right? Yeah, you're throwing out people and be like, well, you slept with him, so not gonna date you. You're just limiting your pool even more. And I mean, think about those people that live in like towns of like 500. Like, well, where I graduated high school, my graduating class was 29 kids. Like I'm just thinking about the story that you told me. And I'm just gonna say right now, I I would put money on that half the more than half the people I graduated with in high school have been with each other at some point.

NALEE 25:54

Interesting.

ANTHONY 25:55

So it's like, what do you do?

NALEE 25:57

Do you just move out of that city and go find somebody else?

ANTHONY 26:00

Yeah, is that what you're supposed to do? Is you're just supposed to, all right, well, fucked everybody here, so I'm gonna drive over to Eau Claire and start fucking there. And then once I've maxed out there, like realistically. What?

SPEAKER_02 26:13

I said move to another city then.

ANTHONY 26:15

Just keep moving around. It's a good way to see the world. Exactly. Fuck until you gotta move. But no, realistically, like you can't just be like, Oh, you've been with somebody I know. We can't be together. Especially if you're if you actually have emotions, like an emotional connection with that person, you're seriously gonna throw all of that away because they slept with one of your friends. Now I could understand if they slept with one of your friends while you were together. That changes things for sure.

NALEE 26:51

Yeah. I don't know. Maybe I'm just a jealous. Maybe I'm just a jealous type, but yeah, I uh I don't know. I feel like again, it comes back to the foundation of trust. Like, yes, it's just your friend, everybody fucks everybody, I get that. But I think like once you lie to me, I don't know. Even if we have an emotional connection or whatever, I'm gonna stop you there.

ANTHONY 27:20

Go ahead. Based on your hypothetical, nobody lied to you. They just withheld the truth. There is a difference.

NALEE 27:26

Technically lying.

ANTHONY 27:27

That is not that is not lying. Now, if you went straight, like came up to me and you were like, Did you sleep with Richard? And I said no, that would be a lie.

NALEE 27:39

Okay. I don't know. Let's see.

ANTHONY 27:42

Bing bong. There was my Asian. Just kidding, that really wasn't my Asian accent.

NALEE 27:50

Okay. Well, I don't know. I at the same time, I I don't know if I could like I don't know. I don't know. My honest opinion and how Nali sees it is that it's a no for me. Again, as little as much as you withheld the truth from me, I feel like that's something. One, being your best friend, and two, being your partner, that's something you should have discussed with me from the very beginning. And it's gonna be really hard for me to trust you again. Like what else? What other stuff are you withholding from me if you're not lying? You know what I mean?

ANTHONY 28:27

I and I do agree with you. I do agree that somebody should have said something to you at some point.

SPEAKER_02 28:33

Yeah.

ANTHONY 28:34

And I so I think that like you would have every single right if you like if this was your situation and I slept with your partner or Melissa slept with your partner, and nobody told you, and you found out, you have every single right to be pissed at all all of the parties involved.

SPEAKER_02 28:56

Yeah.

ANTHONY 28:57

But I think the decision to end it or end the relationship because it gives you an ick, that's gonna be subjective because that's gonna be up to each individual person. Because some people just don't care that they've slept with somebody else. Again, going back to the conversation that we just had about small dating pools. Like, what are you supposed to do? Just again, I guess move to the next city.

SPEAKER_02 29:25

Yep.

ANTHONY 29:26

And by the way, I wanted to touch base on this something you said earlier. So I was going through my partner's phone.

SPEAKER_02 29:33

Okay.

ANTHONY 29:34

Never would I do that without permission. Never. And anybody who does that, I Yeah, I don't know. There's a special place in hell for people like that.

NALEE 29:42

I feel like I don't know. I wouldn't, I don't know. Like this, I don't have specifics on that. I'm just saying, but I agree with you. I think without permission from your significant other, I'm just gonna say do what I say and not what I do. But yeah, partners. I'm just saying, do what you do, do what I say. Do as you say and not what I do. I I feel like I say that weird because every time I say it kiki's always like, you're saying it wrong. But I feel like it makes sense. How do how how is it right? How how do I say it right?

ANTHONY 30:23

Do as I say.

NALEE 30:24

And say do what I say and not as I do.

ANTHONY 30:27

Do as I say and not as I do.

NALEE 30:29

Isn't it right?

ANTHONY 30:31

Yeah.

NALEE 30:33

I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. But like I don't know. I lost my train of thought. I don't know. I just feel like in this situation, it's a no for me. Like, again, I get it, y'all, we've been together for a year, but I don't know how I could trust you. Even though you with withheld information from me.

ANTHONY 30:55

Withheld information.

NALEE 30:56

And you didn't lie to me.

ANTHONY 30:58

I would be more mad about the fact that you withheld information than the fact that you slept with my partner.

NALEE 31:04

Well, yeah.

ANTHONY 31:05

And vice versa.

Is Omission A Lie Or A Boundary?

NALEE 31:06

I would too. I would too, yeah. I would too, but at the same time knowing me, like, I don't know if I could like get over that too. Like, it's everything combined. It's the fact that you withheld information and it's the fact that you slept with my friend.

ANTHONY 31:25

Like So it would have been okay if it wasn't your friend.

NALEE 31:29

Yeah, because it's somebody I don't know. It's like I don't know you, and like I don't know personal things about you, so I could detach from you easily. Because I don't know who the fuck you are. But if it's my friend, granted, my best friend, and I know everything about her. What if if it was some dude that she was telling me that they did some really nasty stuff, and over here I wanted some nasty stuff and he never did that nasty stuff with me? You know what I mean? Like, that's just me giving an example. Your freaking face.

ANTHONY 31:59

But Well, I'm I'm thinking because that's kind of not fair.

SPEAKER_02 32:03

What do you mean?

ANTHONY 32:05

So I'm gonna be really graphic here, and I'm gonna use specific examples.

SPEAKER_02 32:11

Okay.

ANTHONY 32:15

We're being so I'm gonna use from Scary Movie where she I told you I saw that scene that I told you about, and I was and she was like, I'm gonna fart in your mouth.

NALEE 32:26

Oh, fart in your mouth.

ANTHONY 32:27

Yeah. So let's just say you had a partner who slept with your friend. You wanted your partner to fart in your mouth.

NALEE 32:36

Ew. Yeah.

ANTHONY 32:37

And your partner didn't want to do it, didn't want to do it, he wasn't into it. And then you later found out that he slept with your friend and he farted in her mouth.

SPEAKER_02 32:46

Yeah.

ANTHONY 32:47

How do you know that when he did that with her, he was like, This is a hell no, this is I'm not gonna do this again. And that's why he won't do with you. You can't hold that against him if it wasn't his thing.

NALEE 32:59

Nobody held a gun to his head for him to fart in her mouth. So regardless.

ANTHONY 33:04

But regardless, he tried it and he wasn't into it.

NALEE 33:08

I don't know. Like, I'm just saying it doesn't matter because the thing is, okay, this is a thing. And again, it's probably gonna become an insecurity. The thing is the thing. Here's the thing.

ANTHONY 33:20

I was just thinking that I was like, the thing is, here is the thing.

NALEE 33:23

Here's the thing. Yeah. For me, it's the thing of he's seen her naked, okay? He's seen her naked, he's seen me naked. And again, it's my insecurity. It's my insecurity. I don't care. That I'm just saying that in my head, it's gonna be me thinking, okay, well, he's seen her naked and now he sees me naked. What if he ends up thinking about her instead? Or, you know, stuff like that. And it could be the woman minded, it could be a jealous person, it could be my insecurities. I don't give a fuck. But regardless in the situation, the fact that you can compare me to somebody who is my best friend or whatever, like that's not cool with me. Because again, one, you lied to me. That's that's what it comes down to again at the end of the day, is that you withheld information.

ANTHONY 34:13

I was gonna say he withheld information.

NALEE 34:15

Excuse me, withheld information from me. And then my friend to do that to me too, to me, that's gonna fuck me up because I'm not I'm not gonna trust either one of you.

ANTHONY 34:24

Like, regardless of-fair, you have every right to be mad at them.

NALEE 34:29

Regardless of if he was freaky with her or not, I don't get, I don't care. I've gotten over that. I don't want to get fart in my mouth, but you know, like, yeah, in this situation, I don't know. Like the first scenario where they they're asking you to pick, yes, I agree. I wouldn't, I would never put anybody in that situation. And I would not like to be in that situation. If y'all got issues, hash it out on yourself. It's it's not a me problem, it's a you problem. And then in this scenario, yeah, it's a buy for me. Peace out.

ANTHONY 35:55

So are you ending your friendship too?

NALEE 35:58

Yeah.

ANTHONY 36:00

Wow.

NALEE 36:01

I may not end it, but I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna need some time by myself. That doesn't involve you, so I could think about what I really want.

ANTHONY 36:10

Okay, so I'm gonna ask you now. So how is that fair? So you're gonna end your relationship and you're just gonna take a step away from your friend. What if, and then if you end up, let's say three months, you're like, okay, and you pick up your friendship again.

NALEE 36:25

I don't know. It's for me, it's not a fact, it's not a sense of picking my friend over a partner. It's not a sense of like I'm gonna leave you now just because it benefits me. But when I'm in like turmoil and when I'm in a fucked up space, I'm gonna come back to you. It's not that. It's just it's the moral of it is that if you've been my best friend, like it's like threefold. If you've been my best friend and we tell everything to each other, I would expect that out of respect, that you would be like, oh, hey, you know what? Like, I used to talk to him.

ANTHONY 37:00

See, I feel like it should almost be the opposite where you put your partner in the doghouse and you end your friendship. Because if I've been friends with you for 17 years and I've been dating somebody for a year that you slept with and you never said anything to me, I feel like that's a friendship that I don't, I wouldn't need.

NALEE 37:22

Yeah. I don't know. I I say what I said, and that's how Nile sees it.

ANTHONY 37:27

Say it with your chest.

NALEE 37:28

I'm done. I'm done. I'm out of this mess. Y'all, y'all hook up if you want to hook up as much as you want, un withhold that information to everybody else as much as you want, but it ain't gonna be me.

ANTHONY 37:41

And but it ain't gonna be me. I have a question for you. So you had stated earlier, you're like, it's probably an insecurity thing, but like he's seen her naked. How is that any different from him being able to walk down this like you can do this too? And if you say you can't do this, I'm gonna call your bluff right now. It's bullshit.

NALEE 38:00

Okay. Can't do it.

ANTHONY 38:01

I can look at anybody, I can picture you naked right now if I wanted to in my mind. How is that any different?

NALEE 38:07

I can't do that. I personally stupid. Roll it up, put over your shoulder. No, I can't do that. I've I've never done anybody can do that.

ANTHONY 38:19

You can anybody can picture anybody naked. How is that any different than actually seeing somebody naked?

NALEE 38:24

Like, well, because when you do the sexual act, you actually look at somebody's body and you you get turned on by certain things on their body. Okay. And so then again, you're Do you though? I do. I don't know about other people.

ANTHONY 38:41

I mean, if the if there if it's like an emotional romantic situation, but well, obvious you're inexperienced, so you you can't compare, but like Wow. I mean, okay. Have you ever had an incident where you've had sex with somebody after bar, no lights on? It was just like make out through the door, fumble out of your clothes, and have sex.

NALEE 39:04

Maybe in the near future. I don't know, but I have not yet.

ANTHONY 39:08

That's that was what I meant by my comment by saying you're inexperienced. Like, what about those situations?

NALEE 39:14

I don't know.

ANTHONY 39:15

I've had those situations.

NALEE 39:16

I don't know. To me, I feel like it I'm again, I don't know. It'll probably happen when it happens. But knowing me, I feel like I can't fuck somebody unless I'm actually attracted to them. No matter how drunk I am, no matter like whatever the situation is, unless I'm fucking roofied and I'm black the fuck out, I won't have a choice. But for me, it's like I have to be attracted to them in order for me to like, I don't know, suck their dick. You know what I mean?

ANTHONY 39:40

There's a name for people like you.

NALEE 39:42

Shallow?

ANTHONY 39:44

No. No, I'm like, I'm being genuinely serious. There's a name for people like you.

NALEE 39:48

It's like I think it's The Puss wants what the puss wants.

ANTHONY 39:52

It's one of those, it's one of those sexuals. You know how there's like asexual, demisexual, like there's like there's one that is specific to people and how they can't have sexual intercourse with somebody unless there's a real emotional connection.

NALEE 40:08

That's a thing.

ANTHONY 40:10

Yeah, yeah, that's a thing. You should look that up if you're ever interested in it.

NALEE 40:14

I thought that's what everybody does.

ANTHONY 40:16

No, some people just have sex.

NALEE 40:19

Some people must be nice to not be emotionally attached.

ANTHONY 40:27

Well, it's easier for like Is it though? For one. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:33

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

Jealousy, Insecurities, And Trust Rules

ANTHONY 40:38

Why would it not be easier? It's more work to create that emotional connection with somebody before you have sex versus just being like, hey, I'm hard. It ain't gonna suck itself.

NALEE 40:50

I hate you.

ANTHONY 40:50

You know what I mean?

NALEE 40:52

Yeah. Like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Now that you bring that up, I don't know. I guess it's the Pisces in me. Like, I don't know. I have to like, I have to like you. I can't just be like, oh yeah, okay, your dick's hard, I'm gonna suck it. What if it's like two inches? You know, like I'm not saying that there aren't standards. I'm not discriminating against two inch men. Y'all, y'all do your thing, you do your boo, you're still.

ANTHONY 41:24

I'm not saying there aren't standards, but like, sex is sex, bro. A hole is a hole. That's the way I look at life.

NALEE 41:32

I wish I could look at it that way. I feel like that way I'd be more easy to detach from people, but I think it's because I've been in long-term relationships and it's really hard for me to like not get attached.

ANTHONY 41:45

And that's fine, though. Like, if it's a long-term relationship.

NALEE 41:49

You're right. I'm inexperienced.

ANTHONY 41:51

You have the right to be, like, you want to be attached. Especially if it's a relationship that you're planning on pursuing, you want to have that emotional connection. You want to have that sexual attraction, that sexual connection. You want to have that chemistry. But like, let's just say you went out to, because I know you like to go to the doodge over over here in town.

NALEE 42:12

I haven't got it since like last week.

ANTHONY 42:15

Ace and fucking point, audience. But let's just say, let's just say you went to the doodge. I'm gonna I'm gonna paint you. Picture here. You go to the doodge.

SPEAKER_02 42:23

Okay.

ANTHONY 42:23

You're out with your girlfriends, you're playing pool, you go up to the bar to get another round of drinks, and there's a guy there who's very attractive, catches your eye, smiles at you, buys you a shot. So there's some physical attraction there.

NALEE 42:42

Okay. I'm listening.

ANTHONY 42:44

Okay.

NALEE 42:45

Sounds intriguing.

ANTHONY 42:46

Granted, you're like, I need to have that emotional connection. But like right there, that should be enough to be like, okay, I can consider, okay, if he's flirting with me all night, maybe I'll go home with him. Maybe I'll give him a little nookie. Maybe I'll let him see how my thigh tastes. But like, you can do that without having the emotional connection. If you're in a place emotionally in or in your life that you're like, I'm not looking for anything serious. I just want to have fun.

NALEE 43:14

Yeah.

unknown 43:15

Yeah.

NALEE 43:15

I haven't had that opportunity yet, but maybe in the near future here, I'll be able to hit somebody up from the doodge. But I don't know. I feel like as of right now.

ANTHONY 43:24

Choose wisely if you do that.

NALEE 43:26

It ain't gonna be from the doo dodge.

ANTHONY 43:28

Please don't. Yeah. Don't do the doodle. Do Buffalo Wild Wings.

NALEE 43:32

Ew. But I don't know. I just I don't know. Maybe it's just me. I'm not judging anybody who's who's able to do a one-night stand. I'm not judging you at all. I think it's just for me. It comes back to a lot of insecurities. Like I don't know. I just and it's like abandonment issues? I don't know, attachment issues? I don't know. Still trying to work through it, but I don't know.

ANTHONY 44:00

Is it really attachment issues? If that's what you're looking for, is some sort of attachment?

NALEE 44:05

Probably. I don't know. I'm still trying to figure it out. That's why I'm in therapy. We haven't gotten there yet. But yeah, I don't know. It's a no for me though. What about you? What is your overall judgment on this scenario based on the first part and the second part?

ANTHONY 44:21

My overall judgment on this scenario is like I said, don't give me an ultimatum. I expect we're all adults for you to fucking figure it out.

SPEAKER_02 44:30

Okay.

ANTHONY 44:31

And if I were to find out that they slept together with and neither one of them mentioned it to me, I would be upset with the both of them, but I I personally wouldn't care because everybody has a history. I would be more upset at the fact that they withheld it after they've met.

NALEE 44:48

Okay. All right. Well, I'm trying to see if I have any follow-up questions, but I don't think I do. Do you have any additional thoughts, any kind comments, questions, concerns?

ANTHONY 45:01

I do not.

NALEE 45:03

Okay. Well, that is it for Nali's hypothetical hotline. We'll be back. No, I've been I have like a nine-minute session that we recorded before this that it was horrible. We had to redo it. But Nali's Hypothetical Hotline is available every other week. So tune in for more crazy chaos, more mix-up, more drama, opinions, and more opinions. Yeah. Let us know what your thoughts are. Yeah. That's it for me.

SPEAKER_01 45:42

Okay, bye. Okay, bye. Bye.