🎙️Do You Actually Like Them… Or Just the Attention? (AUDIO ONLY)🎙️

👀 Do You Actually Like Them… Or Just the Attention?

Be honest.
 Do you miss them…
or do you miss the notifications?

This week on Twin Tangents, Anthony and Nalee unpack the messy difference between genuine connection and the dopamine hit of being wanted. From validation addiction and “talking stage” delusion to staying in situationships out of comfort, this episode gets painfully honest, slightly therapeutic, and just chaotic enough to make you question your entire dating history. 

Because sometimes you don’t actually like them…
 you just like being liked.

👉 Audio listeners: if you want to see the side-eyes, emotional spirals, and moments where we accidentally start therapy sessions in real time, head over to YouTube.

We’re talking:

📱 Attention vs. actual feelings → dopamine hits from notifications, validation addiction, and mistaking consistency for chemistry
 💬 Talking stage chaos → double texting, response-time mind games, and wondering if replying too fast looks desperate
 🫠 Loneliness disguised as connection → latching onto attention because being alone feels scarier
 ✨ Potential vs. reality → falling for who someone could be instead of who they’re actually showing you they are
🚩 Consistency isn’t compatibility → the bare minimum, false hope, and realizing attraction alone is not enough
💔 Fear of starting over → staying because of history, comfort, or not wanting to rebuild with someone new
🧠 Self-worth & relationships → learning how to love yourself before attaching your value to another person
👻 Ghosting vs. honesty → awkward conversations, rejecting people kindly, and accepting being the villain sometimes
🔥 Dating after long-term relationships → rebuilding your identity, rediscovering confidence, and entering your “wait… people actually like me?” era
⚖️ Settling vs. being fulfilled → checking in with yourself, relationship inventory, and figuring out if your needs are actually being met

This episode is funny, vulnerable, mildly unhinged, and surprisingly healing — the kind of conversation that starts with dating apps and somehow ends in a full emotional inventory. 

Because at some point…
 you have to stop asking whether they like you
and start asking whether you even like them.

Quick disclaimer: This episode contains dating delusion, emotional self-reflection, RuPaul quotes, accidental therapy sessions, and repeated reminders that consistency is literally the bare minimum.

It’s chaotic, honest, deeply self-aware — and maybe a little too relatable.

🎙️ Motto of the week:
 You shouldn’t have to convince yourself to like somebody.
 And you definitely shouldn’t stay just because they like you.

⚠️ Twin Tangents: Because Therapy Was Booked ⚠️
 Unfiltered. Unapologetic. Unhinged (just a bit).

Hosted by Nalee & Anthony—this is your safe, spicy space to spiral. Expect adult content, hot takes, and high-functioning chaos.

And yes, we call our listeners H.O.E.S.
 (Hilarious. Over it. Emotionally unstable. Spicy.)
 It’s not an insult. It’s a hoe-mmunity.

If you can turn a three-word text into a 45-minute psychological breakdown… welcome home.

Nalee’s Hypothetical Hotline exists for the people who rehearse arguments in the shower and lose sleep over imaginary conversations. Submit your spirals. We’ll spiral louder. And with microphones.

Because if we’re overthinking, we’re doing it professionally.

Love drama but hate being involved in it? Perfect.

Twin Tangents Court is our fast-paced spin-off where we judge everyone so you don’t have to. Dating disasters. Friendship felonies. Domestic disturbances. We try the case. We deliver the verdict.

New episodes drop every other Friday at 8 AM Central. Bring your coffee. Bring your screenshots. Court is now in session.

Pride Month isn’t just glitter and hashtags—it’s visibility, safety, and unapologetic joy. In our “Rainbow, But Make It Real” segment, we’re cutting through the rainbow capitalism to spotlight real stories, real love, and real respect. Whether you're out, questioning, or just vibing in your truth—we see you, we celebrate you, and we’re here for the real Pride. 🏳️‍🌈💖✨

Just when you thought the chaos was over—Anthony and Nalee invite you to keep the tangents going. With a soft outro vibe and one last wink to the listener, this post-roll points you toward the Twin Tangents website and socials for more unfiltered content. Because if you’re still here, you clearly get it… and we love that for you.

🎙️ Stay connected with Twin Tangents Because Therapy Was Booked
Unfiltered. Unexpected. Unbothered.

🌐 Website: www.twintangentspodcast.com
All our socials, episodes, and contact info live here.

📱 Follow us on Socials:
Instagram: @theofficialtwintangents
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💌 Got thoughts, tangents, or just need to vent? Reach out via our site or socials. We’re all ears.

Transcript

Cold Open And Big Question

NALEE 0:16

Five, four, three, two, one. Ta-da-da! All right. Hi everyone. Welcome back to Twin Tangent. This is Nali. That's Anthony who's waving like a psycho over there. Um a psycho.

ANTHONY 0:33

A psycho.

NALEE 0:34

Well, anyways, our topic today is did you actually like them or just the attention? All right, now I need everyone to listen and be honest with themselves for like two seconds.

ANTHONY 0:45

This is about ready to expose some people.

NALEE 0:48

Do you actually like them or do you just like someone that likes you?

ANTHONY 0:53

Because let's clarify, those are not the same thing.

NALEE 0:56

Not at all, not even a little bit.

ANTHONY 0:59

Some of y'all are just in full relationships fueled purely by validation.

NALEE 1:04

No chemistry, just compliments.

ANTHONY 1:06

No connection, just attention.

NALEE 1:08

And then suddenly you're like, wait, why am I bored?

ANTHONY 1:11

Because you don't like them. Duh.

NALEE 1:13

Well, anyways. Jeez. Welcome back to Twin Tangents.

ANTHONY 1:18

Where we say what your friends are too nice to say.

NALEE 1:21

And maybe what you've been avoiding.

ANTHONY 1:23

Let's get into it.

NALEE 1:24

Let's get into it. All right. So the first section is attention versus actual feelings.

ANTHONY 1:30

Let's start at the root of the problem.

NALEE 1:32

The attention addiction.

ANTHONY 1:34

Because being liked feels good. And you can't lie, it does. Dangerously good. Preach it. Like you'll start convincing yourself you like someone just because they're consistent.

NALEE 1:46

And consistency at this point is literally the bare minimum, by the way.

ANTHONY 1:50

Bare minimum.

NALEE 1:51

Yes. All right. So what topics did you want to talk about today?

ANTHONY 1:55

Okay. So uh the first thing that I wanted

Attention Versus Real Feelings

ANTHONY 1:57

to talk about was the dopamine hit of notifications from them. When when you get those, are you laughing at me? Yeah, because you're like, you're so ready to go, and then you're like, well, I'm thinking about how I was thinking about how I wanted to approach this. So I mean, like, let's just be honest. You're not actually excited about them, but you're more exciting about the feeling that they give you. Yeah. So you get those, those text notifications from them, the Facebook notifications, you get the, oh, they sent you a video on TikTok, that little rush when their name pops up on your phone. Be honest. Are you smiling because it's them? Or is it because someone is choosing you?

NALEE 2:39

Oh, for sure. I feel like I feel like it's like 80% like validation from the attention and like 20% like you actually liking them. Now, if it's somebody who like you actually really like, then I don't think it's like the validation. It's just like, oh, he messaged me, or like, oh, she messaged me. Okay. Well, back to what I was saying is I think that it's like, or maybe it could be 50-50. I don't know the numbers. I'm just making shit up my ass right now.

ANTHONY 3:06

But um Who says that I'm making shit up in my ass?

NALEE 3:10

Or from my ass. I don't know. I don't know the term. You know what I mean. But like I feel like it's kind of both where it's kind of that validation that, oh, like, okay, maybe like I'm getting the attention. And then the other half would be like, if it's from somebody that you actually really like, it's definitely like a higher dose of dopamine hit for sure. Like you're like, oh, he likes me and like he's like noticing me kind of a thing.

ANTHONY 3:34

I think when you actually like somebody, the dopamine hit is real. But I'm also, and I will be one to admit this, I'm gonna throw myself out there and throw myself under the bus. But I have been in those situations where this kind of ties back into our conversation from before about talking to people on the phone and in on speakerphone in public.

NALEE 3:57

Yeah.

ANTHONY 3:57

But like if you're out at the store or you're out at the mall, and just the fact that your phone is like dinging in public or something, you get that like fake dopamine hit that you're like, somebody's messaging me.

NALEE 4:12

Like I'm important. Look at me.

ANTHONY 4:14

Exactly. Exactly.

NALEE 4:16

Yeah.

ANTHONY 4:17

Yeah. So but I do agree with you. I think, you know, if you actually like the person, the dopamine is real. I don't know where else I was gonna go with this.

NALEE 4:26

Like for me right now, like I'm not saying that like I'm talking to a thousand guys or whatever, but I am talking to like, you know, keeping my options open. And like when it's somebody that I really like that messages me, I'm like, oh, okay. You know. But again, it's like, may the best player win.

ANTHONY 4:43

Is it a game?

NALEE 4:45

It's not a game. It's just, it's just whoever is showing me the most consistency and what I need right now in my life, then yeah, but it's not really a game, it's just, it's kind of a game.

ANTHONY 4:57

Exactly. Okay, let me ask you this. Do you think that as far as the dopamine hit of notifications go, or even just this topic in general, do you think it is a gender-based emotion?

NALEE 5:12

Like, do you think it might be like because I'm a girl, like is it because you know, we're drive we drive on emotion and shit. Like, is it a bigger deal for me than it is for like a guy? Is that what you're trying to say? Yes. I think it depends. I think if the guy likes me back, I think he probably feels the same way. Like he's like,

Notifications Dopamine And Reply Timing

NALEE 5:30

oh, like she's feeling me. She's messaging me back. Because compared to like a girl who never fucking messages you back, it's just like, but at the same time, I don't know. I can't say because some guys prefer girls not messaging them back right away. They like that like mystery. You know what I mean? But at the same time, I'm kind of like, I'm kind of half and half where I'm like, okay, I've messaged him a lot. I need a chill, I'll leave my phone and whatever. But then at the same time, I'm also those type of people where like if he responds to me and I have genuine interest in him, I'm gonna want to respond right away so that we could kind of like have a conversation. But I feel like sometimes like it could be girls and guys, but they kind of play that mind game of like, oh, like I've already messaged him, I've capped out for the day. I need a chill. But like I feel like for me, I kind of hit, I'm kind of like, I kind of go back and forth on that where I'm like, okay, I messaged him too much, but at the same time, I'm like, but he has time to message me, so I'm gonna message him back because I I do want to like talk with him. You know what I mean? So I don't know. It's I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know. I don't know. Do you it could be either or?

ANTHONY 6:31

And I really hope that this gets posted on socials, and I hope that listen our one listener weighs in. Our 18 listeners, I'm sorry. But no, but I want people to weigh in on this, but don't you feel like that looks desperate? If I respond right away, consistently are responding right away.

NALEE 6:49

I feel like that's kind of the misconception, though. That's exactly what I'm talking about. It's not really a a like sorry, it looks like I'm touching myself, but it's my blanket right here. It looks like um timeout.

ANTHONY 7:01

Speaking of you touching yourself, like this is like twin tangents and the twin tatas today.

NALEE 7:07

I'm just kidding, could they be out anymore?

ANTHONY 7:09

Jesus fucking Christ, girl.

NALEE 7:11

They probably could. But anyways, but what I was saying was I feel like I don't think it's a sense of desperation if the other person actually like likes you like that, though. You know what I mean? I mean, I don't know, is it? Like, that's what I'm talking about. It's just like there's no right way of going about things. I think it depends on who you're talking to. Because, for example, if it's a guy who mess or a girl, whatever, take it as it is, but I'm gonna use me as an example. So if it's me talking to a guy and he doesn't really message me, but then like every time he does message me, I send like four or five texts at a time, then okay, maybe that's a little desperate. But if it's a guy who's been consistently talking to me and we kind of like have that rapport and like he messages me just as much as I message him, I don't think so.

ANTHONY 7:54

Okay, I feel like that's fair. I guess I'm looking at it from like the standpoint of like a beginning, like the beginning of a relationship or the beginning of a potential of a relationship. Like, oh, we just met, I gave you, I got your number and I I text you, like, and then every time I text you, you're like, boom, responding. I'm like, okay, I'm wondering, is this bitch just sitting here at home alone on her phone, waiting for my ding to go off in her phone?

NALEE 8:20

Well, that's that's what I'm talking about. I feel like there's that misconception. Because I'm gonna be honest, if it was me on the flip side, and if there's a guy that I genuinely like, and if he like messages me right away, that's a green flag for me. Well, it's a yellow flag. It's kind of like what you said. Are you just sitting there waiting for me to text you? But at the same time, the like on the greens, leaning more on the green side, it's just like, oh, he's actually showing genuine interest. But the in the long run though, the thing is, is it consistent? Like, is he gonna consistently message me like this, or is it gonna is he only messaging me consistently and then bam, when he gets in my pants, it's like a text a day kind of a thing. You know what I mean? So again, it comes back to our whole theme of like consistency is literally the bare minimum at this point. It's you know, it's how it's approached. But I don't know. Again, I'm new into the dating seat. So anybody, the one listener that's listening to us today, if you have I don't know, thoughts, opinions, I don't know, let us know. Lay it on us, you know.

ANTHONY 9:22

Yeah. Please do. I'm interested to know.

NALEE 9:24

Yeah. Well, what was your other topic?

unknown 9:29

I don't know what the fuck that was.

ANTHONY 9:31

Yeah, I don't know what that was either. I was thinking, I was like, did she just stroke out?

NALEE 9:36

Yeah. I kind of like closed down, shut down.

ANTHONY 9:39

The other thing that I had was like using, I shouldn't say using, but like attention as a distraction from loneliness. So I guess it is a form of using. I'm trying to think of how I want to approach this without offending any listeners or anything. I feel like sometimes there are people that are just not honest with themselves in their life. And any form of attention, they're going to kind of leech on to that because they are so lonely in their lives.

NALEE 10:09

Yeah.

Attention As A Loneliness Bandage

ANTHONY 10:11

Did you ever watch the I feel like I asked you this and I don't remember your answer. The Beauty, Ryan Murphy's show. No, we did talk about this. You did say no.

NALEE 10:23

We did talk about it, but I haven't watched it, no.

ANTHONY 10:25

Okay. So spoiler alert for anybody listening, and I'm gonna tell you, I'm not even gonna ask you because I know you're all about fucking spoilers.

NALEE 10:34

Yeah.

ANTHONY 10:35

So basically the whole thing is like you can get a shot and it turns you into a beautiful person. It gives all of your best features the best potential you.

NALEE 10:47

Now that I think about it, you wouldn't give me any spoilers. You told me to watch it, but now you're telling it to me. Okay, go on.

ANTHONY 10:52

That yeah, that's true, but I'm only telling it for the purposes of this.

NALEE 10:56

Okay, go on, go on, go on.

ANTHONY 10:58

So it starts out there's this one guy, and he, I don't even know how old he is. He's probably in his 20s, I'm guessing. He's bigger, he's unattractive, he's a gamer, he lives at home, he lives in his mom's basement, and he at one point he's like cyber chatting in chat rooms with people and like jerking himself off, like because nobody will have sex with him. And I think where I'm going with this is he's clearly a lonely person, his character, and he's talking to these people in chat rooms, and these people are giving him attention. And it's just a distraction from how lonely he truly was. And it's kind of unfortunate because I feel like I'm just gonna go out on a limb here and say that there are people like that out there in the world that are again latching up, leeching on to these the any attention that they're getting and they're getting excited about it, but in actuality they're not doing anything to solve the root of the problem, which is their loneliness.

NALEE 12:09

Yeah. I would agree with that. I mean, I'm pretty sure there's people out there who'd like who are solely just online talking with people because they're lonely. I definitely agree with that.

ANTHONY 12:21

But I wouldn't even like segregate it to just being online. That was just for the example. But I mean, there are people that go out there, like I'm not gonna mention a name, but you know the person and you know, I I I can tell you off the pod, but we know somebody who is just a lonely person. All they do is they know.

SPEAKER_02 12:40

Okay.

ANTHONY 12:40

I'm not talking about you, I'm talking about. I'm like bitch. You know the person.

SPEAKER_02 12:44

Excuse me. Okay.

ANTHONY 12:45

We know a person who basically all they do is they work. When they get done with work, they go home, they, you know, they do their grocery shopping, but they don't go out. They don't do anything. Like they'll go to a restaurant by themselves, which nothing against it. That's fine. But like honestly, in hindsight, thinking about what I've heard and things that I've seen about this person, they're clearly lonely.

NALEE 13:12

Okay. Is it who I think it is? I don't know who you think it is, but I'm willing to I'm gonna text you really quick and you're gonna tell me if it's who I think it is.

ANTHONY 13:23

Okay. I'm gonna put $100 down that you're not gonna be able to guess who it is.

NALEE 13:27

Okay.

ANTHONY 13:27

No, I'm not gonna put $100 down because I just spent a lot of money on this cruise. And I ain't got no money. No, no, it is not.

NALEE 13:35

Oh. Oh.

ANTHONY 13:36

No.

NALEE 13:37

Because that person is it a female or a male?

ANTHONY 13:40

A female. But the person that you just that you thought it was, that person actually goes out. That person travels, that person has friends, that person goes out to eat with friends, that person has goes to parties with friends.

NALEE 13:51

Now I'm curious. Okay, text back to see who it is. Let's see if I'm flabbergasted or not.

ANTHONY 13:56

I think you are gonna be flabbergasted because I don't think that you ever would have guessed this.

NALEE 14:00

Okay. Uh yeah. So I mean, okay, I could see that. I can see that.

ANTHONY 14:10

Don't quote me on that, but I mean that person, they'll go out to eat by themselves. They don't have any friends that they hang out with. They don't make friends when they go places.

NALEE 14:21

Okay.

ANTHONY 14:22

It's either Go ahead.

NALEE 14:24

Okay, go ahead. No, go ahead. Because I'm gonna rebuttal you a little bit, but go ahead.

ANTHONY 14:27

Well, I was just gonna say it's either themselves, family, or themselves again. Their friend.

SPEAKER_02 14:35

Yeah. Okay, okay. I know what you mean.

NALEE 14:38

Um, I'm gonna rebuttal you a little bit because on this particular person or this the topic in general. In general, just in general, because I feel like, yes, sometimes attention attention as a distraction from loneliness can be a thousand percent true. However, there are those cases where because I'm only speaking because I'm low-key kind of triggered a little bit, is you could be alone and not be lonely though. That's the difference. Like, I'm just speaking from my point of view. I could be alone and not be lonely though. Like I could entertain myself.

ANTHONY 15:10

Oh, I yeah, and there's nothing wrong with that.

NALEE 15:12

And I am completely maybe she's like that though.

ANTHONY 15:15

I disagree with that.

NALEE 15:17

Oh, okay.

ANTHONY 15:18

For that particular person. I know her like that, but and more broader, I'm just saying that there are people out there that are like that and they'll latch on to any attention that they're getting because they're lonely.

NALEE 15:28

You think she does that?

ANTHONY 15:29

Yes.

NALEE 15:30

Um like that? Yeah, okay, okay. Yeah, got it, got it. Okay. I mean, yeah, I mean, I get it. It is kind of sad. I will admit that's kind of sad and it is unfortunate, but I think that will be like the opportunity for those type of people to take the time to kind of work on themselves and realize that you don't have to be with somebody to feel fulfilled. Like you need to do that on your own. Right. Yeah.

ANTHONY 15:56

And that was kind of what I ultimately wanted to get to with this was like, who what what is it that RuPaul says?

NALEE 16:02

That he's not a drag queen. He is the queen of drag.

ANTHONY 16:06

No, he says, if you don't love yourself, then how the hell, no, what does he say? How the hell how the hell are you going to be?

NALEE 16:13

I'm the queen of drag. He does say that though. He said that on Jimmy Fallon. Yeah. He went on the Jimmy Fallon show side tangent. He went on Jimmy Fallon's show, and Jimmy was like, this is one of the biggest, like most famous drag queens of all time. And he was like, he was like, no, honey, I'm not a drag queen. I'm the queen of drag. And I was like, yeah.

ANTHONY 16:35

And that's probably yeah, that is probably true.

NALEE 16:37

Yeah, but go on.

ANTHONY 16:38

But the famous quote is, if you can't love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love somebody else?

NALEE 16:42

Exactly. That is a hundred percent true. You guys, that is a hundred percent true. I'm only saying that again because now I'm triggered. I'm probably gonna be triggered this whole episode. I'm just saying, heads up. But yeah, if you can't love yourself, if you don't love yourself for who you are and the flaws and all that comes with you, how are you gonna be able to do that with somebody else with all their flaws and everything? Get it together first before you're willing to do like get somebody involved with you. You know what I mean?

ANTHONY 17:09

So that's why I'm saying like attention is a distraction from the loneliness. Like you have to get comfortable with yourself and be honest with yourself. Yeah. And again, love yourself.

NALEE 17:18

Yeah, there's nothing wrong with you.

ANTHONY 17:20

That's rich coming from me.

NALEE 17:25

You sound dumb. I hate it.

ANTHONY 17:27

And the hypocrisy award goes to A totally love me.

NALEE 17:32

They really, really love me. I mean, it's kind of true. You gotta love yourself, Boo. You are you are just wonderful. You are beautiful, you're wonderful, you're funny, you're charismatic. You got a big badonkey that you roll over your shoulder, but like you have a beautiful smile. You should love yourself.

ANTHONY 17:48

Okay, side note, I have to tell you something.

NALEE 17:50

Okay, what?

ANTHONY 17:52

It's actually ironic that we're talking about this in the story that I'm gonna tell you.

NALEE 17:55

Okay.

ANTHONY 17:56

So when I was on vacation, I don't know if you know this or not, but they have a like a health spa on the ship, and they actually have a doctor and they perform like procedures, like not like rituals? What?

SPEAKER_02 18:09

Rituals?

ANTHONY 18:11

No.

SPEAKER_02 18:12

I don't know.

ANTHONY 18:14

It's not it's not a cult. Uh they they do like non-invasive cosmetic work, and they have like you can get like facials and Botox and stuff like that. Botox and teeth whitening.

Compliments As Sales Tactics

NALEE 18:27

Okay. What did you get, Dad?

ANTHONY 18:30

Nothing. It was way too damn expensive. They just get your fingered. They put a flyer in our cabin and they had all these prices, and I was like, oh, that's really not a bad price. I'm gonna go and like check into it. I'm not gonna tell you what what procedure it was.

NALEE 18:46

I bet I know what it was already, but maybe you can text me.

ANTHONY 18:49

It was an enema. I ain't gonna pay for an enema. I'll go to Walmart and do that my damn self.

NALEE 18:54

They have enemas at Walmart?

ANTHONY 18:56

Yeah.

NALEE 18:56

Interesting. Okay, go on.

ANTHONY 18:58

Anyway, so tell Polly to stop coughing. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 19:01

Polly, we can hear you coughing bitch.

ANTHONY 19:07

So they sent out the flyer and it was like, it was like a couple hundred bucks, which I knew was too good to be true. But I also was like, it was too good to be true, but it was reasonable enough for what the procedure was. So I was like, all right, I'm gonna go check this out. So I went and I had a consultation with with, they have a medical director or medical doctor on board who performs these cosmetic things. So the woman I talked to in the spa, she's like, we'll schedule you for a consult, come back at 4 30 today. I'm like, okay, fine. So I came back at 4 30. She took me back, the sweetest fucking doctor I've ever met in my life. She was so nice. Clearly, she was in sales for a reason. Okay. She took me into the consultation room. Bitch, this entire time we're like walking there and she's like, Your teeth are just so white. Do you whiten them? Have you had that? Have you done that professionally? And I'm like, all right, bitch, what the fuck are they pumping through the vents in here? I'm like, I'm like, I don't think my teeth are white, but thank you so much.

NALEE 20:05

You do have white teeth though. Yeah.

ANTHONY 20:07

Everybody tells me that. I don't see it. I appreciate the compliment. Thank you. So we go in the consult room and I start talking to her about the procedure and like what the woman at the front desk told me when I showed interest and things that and she was going in and she she did her little thing and she wrote down some numbers and she said the number, and I'm like, it was like 12 times the amount that was on the flyer that was in my cabin. What the fuck? Okay. And then she starts again blowing smoke up my ass. She's like, you have like such nice skin. You have like absolutely no pores. And again, I'm like, the fuck is wrong? I'm like, I like, do you see this? These are pores. What do you mean I have no pores? But anyway, she blew smoke up my ass the entire time. And she was listening to the city.

NALEE 20:57

But you liked it, didn't you?

ANTHONY 20:59

Yeah, it was great. It was great. And then, and then she goes, she goes, when's as I'm leaving, I'm like, I have to talk this over. I have to see. But I was like, I have spent that much money. You crazy as hell, bitch. She goes, when's your birthday? I'm like, June 25th. And she goes, get out of here. I'm June 26th. Stupid. She's like, I'm like, oh, you're one year and one day younger than me. Okay. I'm thinking, this bitch is one year younger than me, and she's a medical doctor working for one of the biggest cruise lines on the planet. I'm like, that's right. I'm gonna go back to my $20 an hour job.

SPEAKER_02 21:39

Good for her.

ANTHONY 21:40

Yeah. No, it was good for her. She was amazing. She was gorgeous. She had no fucking pores. But and that was why I looked at her like that. I'm looking at her. I'm like, you have glass skin. You can clearly see the pores on my cheeks and my nose.

NALEE 21:56

And you're telling me straight up bladder teeth.

ANTHONY 21:59

Sales. She was trying to get me to get the thing.

NALEE 22:02

Yeah.

ANTHONY 22:03

But anyway, I don't remember where I was going with that.

NALEE 22:07

I don't know either, but it was a nice little story.

ANTHONY 22:11

Well, I think it was because we were talking about loving yourself. Oh, yeah. And then cosmetic. You're like, what the fuck?

NALEE 22:16

Yeah.

ANTHONY 22:16

Yeah.

NALEE 22:17

Okay. But cute little story there.

ANTHONY 22:20

Thank you. That was tangent time.

NALEE 22:22

So you didn't have anything done? You look like your nose got beautiful and like your skin looks like glass. And I could literally see the whitening in your teeth shine through the camera. Like, oh my god, it's blinding. Did you like that? Holly.

ANTHONY 22:40

What's up? Turn around. I'm gonna shove my fist up your ass.

NALEE 22:44

No, thank you. Not from you. Just kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Y'all need to calm the fuck down. Okay.

ANTHONY 22:55

No judgment. Do whatever you're into. Anyway, what did you have to talk about? Or did you have anything else to add to attention?

NALEE 23:02

I don't. Other than the fact that it's okay, I guess. Like if you gotta do what you gotta do, you gotta do what you gotta do. But you just have to realize that what you're doing has consequences.

ANTHONY 23:13

Like it has consequences and it's more harmful in the long run. Yeah. Again, like Rupal says, if you don't love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love somebody else?

NALEE 23:21

Exactly. My topic was liking how they make you feel versus liking who they are. I think I can and I'm gonna I'm gonna also kind of just bring in my other topic too, because it's kind of the same thing too. It is, but it's not. But it's my other topic was making consistency for mistaking consistency for compatibility. It's kind of the same thing, I feel like, if you think about it like in the big picture, because it's the thing of you see potential and then it's you

Feel-Good Energy Versus True Compatibility

NALEE 23:54

seeing who they actually are. And for example, you know, I'm not gonna bring it into like my my past relationships or anything, but I'm just saying that like I think in the past, as far as me, what I've learned from my past relationships is that like I think I held on a lot to what people were potentially like, what they can be, what they can achieve, what they can do, but I didn't realize who they actually are and what they're showing me at face value. You know, it's kind of like my Pisces, like my Pisces energy too, where like we kind we're daydreamers. So then like when it comes to like seeing people's potential, sometimes we look and concentrate on that, and we we're thinking, you know, we think that, oh, like they could be this or they could do this, and if I did this, they could do this. But what I don't realize is this is who they are, though. Like, even if you did all that, this is still who they are at the end of the day. This is what they want, and this is what they're gonna do. And I think when it comes to like liking people, that's kind of similar. It's kind of like, okay, you like how they look, you like how they sound, you like the compatibility, blah, blah, blah, blah. But at the end of the day, what are you laughing at? What? What? Nothing. Spill it. What? What? What?

ANTHONY 25:11

I can't stop staring at him. I was like, is her shirt getting lower?

NALEE 25:15

No, it's not. I'll just I'll just be like this. But anyways, but what I'm saying is, I'll just take my hands out here so it doesn't distract y'all too much. What I'm saying is like I think in the in the talking stage and the dating stage and like relationship-wise, people we concentrate more on the potential of who that person can be, and we don't look at who they are at face value because that's really who they are gonna be at the end of the day. You could you could think that they're gonna do this, you could think that they're ambitious, blah, blah, blah. But at the end of the day, are they though? Have they shown that they are ambitious? Have they done what you think they are? Nine out of ten times? Probably not.

ANTHONY 25:55

So I don't know that I I don't know that I agree with nine out of ten times.

NALEE 25:59

Okay, maybe seven out of ten times. I don't know.

ANTHONY 26:01

Yeah, yeah. But I I completely agree with you. I think that when we're with somebody, we do tend to lean into how they make us feel feel and the potential of who they could be.

NALEE 26:16

Right.

ANTHONY 26:17

And that's not a guarantee because as we discussed previously in Nolly's hypothetical hotline, like you can't control a person's future. You cannot like how their how their future goes and how things end up for them is solely dependent upon them.

NALEE 26:39

Yeah.

ANTHONY 26:40

You can hope that they, you know, want to be a better person, or you can hope that they want better for their future. That they you can hope that they want to have kids, you can hope that they want this, but you can't make them do any of that. Well, I suppose you could make them have kids, but that'd be like nothing.

NALEE 26:58

Unethical.

ANTHONY 26:59

Yeah.

NALEE 26:59

Yeah, unethical. That word's triggering to me now.

ANTHONY 27:04

It's triggering to me too.

NALEE 27:07

But yeah, I think that's a big misconception and judgment when it comes to like when you're forming a new relationship or when you're looking at somebody and deciding if you actually really like this person on how they make you feel, or if it's based off on who they actually are. Because anybody can make you feel good. Anybody could say anything to make you feel good and confident and love yourself. But at the end of the day, though, is that who they really are? Are they gonna continuously do that? Again, it's the consistency being the bare minimum. Like, are they gonna consistently do that?

ANTHONY 27:42

But you know the unfortunate thing about that though, is they can consistently do that throughout the beginning of the relationship, throughout the middle of the relationship. It's like, but then they can change and show their true colors at any point. Anytime that they decide that they want to put their guard down, or anytime that they decide that they're ready to show you who they truly are.

NALEE 28:04

Ciao.

ANTHONY 28:05

And that's it's like that movie Enough with Jennifer Lopez. Have you seen that?

NALEE 28:09

Never seen it. Nope.

ANTHONY 28:10

God, really good movie. So she meets this prince charming, and everything is perfect, and everything is wonderful, and they get they start dating and they get married and they have a kid, and then boom, he's cheating on her, he's beating her, and he shows his true colors. And it's like that's the downfall is like you never how do you really ever know?

NALEE 28:31

You can't trust anybody, DTA baby.

ANTHONY 28:34

Don't trust anybody.

NALEE 28:35

You cannot trust anybody. That's I'm just gonna say this once, and I'm never gonna repeat it again in this podcast. But you could be married to somebody for 10 years and not know who the fuck they are. That's all I gotta say. Like, speaking from experience. But you know, don't trust anybody. Do not trust anybody, trust yourself. My thing is you can love somebody deeply, you could care for them deeply, but at the end of the day, bitch, you better have your shit in order for yourself. Like, if shit goes down and shit hits the fan, you better be fucking ready to fucking bounce. And that's why women go ahead.

ANTHONY 29:10

No, go ahead. Go ahead. You get on your pedal.

NALEE 29:12

I was just gonna say, like women, men, whatever, when you guys are in a relationship and you guys are in you're married or you're in a long-term com like commitment and you guys have like shared assets and stuff, right? Great, wonderful. But at the same time, you always have to remember that you back yourself, you have to back yourself up because the moment that partner switch switches up on you, and if you don't have your shit together, that's when you literally go into the shithole. Like they don't give a fuck about you, they're not gonna care about you. But at the end of the day, you better have your shit together. Because even if they are ready to bounce, they're ready to bounce, they're ready to go, you better be like, okay, good. I got my shit together. That's fine. Let's go. You know, I don't need you. I never needed you, kind of a thing. So again, if you can't love yourself, how can you love another person? If you can't take care of yourself, how are you gonna take care of another person?

ANTHONY 30:04

Exactly. And but I just want to say, like, I'm not trying to be like a negative Nancy or be pessimistic or anything.

NALEE 30:14

Sorry, I'm just picking my burgers in front of you guys and just let you guys know how it's a good show.

ANTHONY 30:18

At least I'm getting this one for free. Last time she charged me. But I just want people to also like be realistic. Like, you can't, there's nothing wrong with loving somebody and having a great relationship. But I also don't feel like you can put all of your eggs in that in somebody else's basket and rely solely on them to make you happy.

NALEE 30:42

Preach. Preach. What do I say? What do I always say? At the end of the day, you are always alone. You sleep in here. You're always in here by yourself. The only other thing, the only other person that you probably will talk to is your conscious, you know? Conscious or the conscience, whatever, or whatever. I always get those words left out. The speaking voice in your head, that's the only person who knows you and is with you. But other than that, even when you're sleeping next to somebody, you're still by yourself. You know what I mean? In your thoughts, in your mind. So take care of yourself first. You can love that's your mom, your dad, your sibling, your spouse, your friend. But at the end of the day, you need to take care of yourself first. You need to take care of your foundation.

ANTHONY 31:26

Yes. Take care of your own found. I like that. Take care of your own foundation.

NALEE 31:30

Period. I just made that up. But yeah.

ANTHONY 31:33

Is this the clapping thing you told me to do? Oh, yeah.

NALEE 31:35

Stephanie loves that. She's always like, yes. She's like, Yeah, or gas queen. Why don't we just I'm not gonna even say anything. People are gonna start eating me. But anyways.

ANTHONY 31:45

We're not gonna go there.

NALEE 31:46

Yeah. Did you have anything else to add to this topic?

ANTHONY 31:50

No, I think that I saw that I what I wanted to say because I was really stuck on that, like liking how they make you feel versus liking who they are. Because people might not always show you who they are, you know?

NALEE 32:01

Yeah. People be fake as hell. That's why we preach not being fake and not being stupid and like unauthentic. Like be yourself. Because at the end of the day, when you are yourself, that's when you know who is there for you. Even if you're weird, even if you're quirky, even if you're a Merv the perv like me, those who care, those who love you will stick around. If they don't, then they weren't even supposed to be there in the first place. That's it.

ANTHONY 32:25

Period.

NALEE 32:26

All right. Well, I must cadoodle along onto our next segment, which is why are we why are we still here? Because that's the real question.

ANTHONY 32:39

This is where people are gonna start to get defensive.

NALEE 32:42

Like, why are you still talking to them?

ANTHONY 32:44

Because deep down, you know. You know, you know, and yet you're still there. What did you want to bring to the floor?

NALEE 32:54

Okay, so for me, I had two different topics,

Why You Stay When You Know

NALEE 32:57

but my first one is not wanting to start over with someone new. You guys, like you guys, come on. Like, do I need to say anything else?

ANTHONY 33:08

No, enough said.

NALEE 33:10

Yeah, like I don't need to say anything else. I I will have to add to this, but I'm just saying that like the re if your only reason to not to like not be with somebody is because you don't want to start over with somebody new. Come here, come closer.

Fear Of Starting Over

NALEE 33:26

Like come on.

ANTHONY 33:28

Don't bitch slap y'all.

NALEE 33:29

Yeah, like why? That that why? Why, Brenda? Why?

ANTHONY 33:34

That is one thing that I never got. And right now, and I don't even know if this is exactly how you are intending it or meaning this topic, but my first thought when you were when you were talking about this was that scene in Legally Blonde where she's crying in bed eating chocolates. Do you know what I'm talking about? And then Yeah, yeah.

NALEE 34:00

And she's like, you liar!

ANTHONY 34:03

And I like that was the first thing that I thought of. And I was just thinking, I'm like, I okay, listeners, I love Reese Witherspoon. I think she is absolutely gorgeous. The fuck was that? Okay, I'm sorry. Something just like nosedived into my yard. Okay. But her as that character of Elle Woods, like, you are a gorgeous woman. Okay, so a guy broke up with you. I yes, you can be sad. Yes, you can grieve, but like at some point, you gotta get back on the horse. Like, move the fuck along. Like, yeah. That obviously the universe is telling you that that that's not what was meant to be in your life.

NALEE 34:44

Yeah.

ANTHONY 34:44

There's something better out there for you and you will find it.

NALEE 34:47

Thousand percent. I think I think it's inevitable. I think we we're gonna I'm gonna end up talking about it. I'm not gonna go into detail again, but you know, with my relationship with B, I think when everything was like hitting the fan, I think this is a really big thing for me because we've been together with each other for such a long time. Twelve years is not a short amount of time. That's half my life, you know? And like when when something like she went 24? 30 uh 33. I don't know. You know what? What else? It's almost half my life. I'm just it's almost half my life.

ANTHONY 35:20

That is a long time.

NALEE 35:21

It is a long time to be committed to somebody. It is a very long time. It shows you guys how loyal, how loyal I am. But anyways, but I'm just saying that like I think this was probably one of my biggest fears when it came to like deciding if, okay, should I should I try to make it work? Should I try to forgive? Should I try to mend it? But I think the biggest thing for me is when I made that decision of like, okay, you know what? I don't give a fuck. Like, nah, I don't deserve this. I don't deserve to be treated like this. I don't deserve like not having clarity. That's the main thing, is that like when you know, you know. That that's it. Like again, like it's that feeling, it's that inner feeling, the intuition that's telling you that, okay, you know what? Yes, I've been with this person for almost half my life, but at the same time, it it's very scary. It's very scary to start new again. But isn't that a little refreshing though? Like, isn't that like, wow, like I get a second chance to do things that I want to do. I get a second chance to really do what I want and choose what I want, not what everybody else wants. Yes, there's gonna be repercussions of like people telling you what you should do, people telling you how you should do things, people telling you how you should feel. But at the end of the day, you get to choose what you do for yourself. You get full control over that. And I think because like it took pretty much my the whole, my whole 20s, like the relationship took my whole 20s. I think I didn't realize that like, yes, I've had the choice the whole time, but because I was so committed to this other person, I molded myself to be to be like to work with him. And I didn't, I didn't realize that, you know what, like I could do things on my own too. And I think like when I hit my late 30s, that's when I real uh late 20s, that's when I realized that wait, like he could still be there, but I could still do things for myself too. And that's when you get the realization that when you do things for yourself, either people are gonna fucking turn on you or they're gonna be there to support you. And if you're afraid of starting over, that's okay. It it's it is scary, it's meant to be scary. Yeah, but at the same time, I'm gonna quote something again, like I usually do. But what you don't realize is that when you start something new, it is scary, but it's supposed to be scary and it's what's meant to be for you. That's probably not the quote, but I'm just saying that's what it is.

ANTHONY 37:54

Cliffs know it's like no, you're right though. It's like starting over is meant to be scary, but it's also one of those things, it's like, are you looking at the glasses half full or are you looking looking at the glasses half empty? Right. But instead of looking at it as scary, how come why don't you look at it as an opportunity to reinvent yourself, to treat yourself, to do things for yourself that you want to do that you didn't feel you could do before. This is a new opportunity for you to start over. It's like, I think you I think you are actually, you've talked about this before. The episode or the movie Sex in the City, when her and big, oh, spoiler alert for anybody who doesn't know this from fucking 10 years ago. But when they don't get married, and then she goes and she dyes her hair, right? It's an opportunity. Like you're not that person doesn't own you. You can't give the other person that much power over you and your life.

NALEE 38:52

And also, oh, there's this other thing that I heard recently. I don't know if it's a quote, I probably won't say it right, but there was like a story where a guy he went to a monk, and whatever the monk said to him was kind of like rude, but when he excuse me, when he healed or whatever and he thought back about it, it like gave him a big epiphany. And what the monk said was I think the reason why you are angry with the person you're with or the person who left you, it's not the fact that they left you, it's the fact that they chose to move on without you. And it's not and it's not because they they didn't, it's not because you are still here stuck, but it's because you know in your hearts of hearts that the person who left you made that choice on their own to leave you. Without you, and you yeah, and you would have no control over that. That's why like people are angry and stuff. And when I heard that, I was like, God damn. Okay, god damn, god damn. But you know, like, I don't know. I think the thought of starting new, because obviously I've been there, done that, but like I said, use me as an example, okay? Like, if I could do it, you guys can do it. Yes, it's a fucking mess. It's a fucking shit show. You feel like everything's fallen apart. But at the end of the day, you would rather start new by yourself than with and stay with somebody who doesn't give you what you need at the end of the day. And I'm not saying that like whoever I was with didn't give me what I needed, but I'm just saying that like they didn't have capacity to do what I needed. They didn't have capacity to give me what I needed and what I deserve. And if they choose to go a different route, they choose the easier way out, that's okay. Because at the end of the day, you are a bad ass. You could do it by yourself, you've been doing it by yourself. You don't think you could figure it out, but every time you've always figured it out. So clack it.

ANTHONY 40:41

I feel like it's really cliche to say this, but it's like in the end of a relationship where one person decides to end it and the other person, you know, doesn't want that or had no idea, didn't see it coming. It's really important to remember. But did you die?

NALEE 41:00

Yeah.

ANTHONY 41:01

Like you're not going to die. This isn't going to end things for you. I know that it's hard to see in that moment.

NALEE 41:08

If anything, if anything.

ANTHONY 41:10

Point blank period, right there. You're being reborn. This is an opportunity. The glass is half full. Yes, it hurts, but all things happen for a reason.

NALEE 41:20

Yeah. And you know what? It's their loss. It's their loss. That's it.

ANTHONY 41:25

Know your worth, know your value.

NALEE 41:27

It's their loss.

ANTHONY 41:28

And exactly.

NALEE 41:29

You've been a baddie from day one. You will always be a fucking baddie. That's it.

ANTHONY 41:32

Isn't that what I told you all the time? I'm like, it's his loss.

NALEE 41:35

That I'm a boss ass bitch, yeah.

ANTHONY 41:37

Well, and it and that it's B's loss.

NALEE 41:39

Like if I know that. I don't need nobody to tell me that. I know that for myself.

ANTHONY 41:43

But did you know that in the moment? Did you know that in the moment?

NALEE 41:46

I knew that in the moment. I think it was the history that I was holding on to that made it really hard. Again, the not wanting to start with someone new because you hold so much history, you hold so much experience, so much first, so much like trauma bonding, so much memories, so much family and friend getting to know this person, kind of a thing. Like there's a long list of things, you know, that I could list off on. But I think at the end of the day, it's also, but I could do that by myself. Or I could do that with somebody who actually wants to do that with me and volunteers to do that with me, and not somebody I have to force to do things with me. You know what I mean? Yeah. And then good for you.

ANTHONY 42:25

Look at this growth. I'm so happy for you.

NALEE 42:28

Thank you. Did you have anything else to add to this?

ANTHONY 42:31

I do not.

NALEE 42:31

Okay. Well, my other topic was the fear of being alone, and we've already kind of talked about that in the previous segment. So, but I just wanted to add again, it's okay to feel lonely. It's okay to feel alone. It's okay because everybody feels alone. Everybody feels lonely once in once in a while. But at the end of the day, you have to learn how to cope with that. I think the reason why I wanted to talk about this was I think like there was a moment in time, like those who know knows, but there was a moment in time where I was by myself a lot.

Being Alone Without Being Lonely

NALEE 43:03

And I think in those moments, in that time frame, I could have, I could have fucking crashed out. I could have like done so many crazy things. Probably did one or two crazy things, but like in those in that moment, I took it upon myself to be like, you know what, it's okay to be alone. It's okay to do things by myself. It's okay to build my foundation. It's okay to build who I am all over again. Whether if I do it with somebody else or I do it with, you know, get distracted or whatever. I preferred not to do that. I'd prefer to do it by myself. I do prefer to do it alone. And I think obviously when the separation happened or whatever, a lot of people were shocked. But it already has been a it there was already some time before I even told people about it that I was by myself. And reason being is I think my biggest reason why I wanted to be by myself is I didn't want because I know I have. People who love me. I know I have a good community. I know I have enormous amounts of support, but I know that people are also very opinionated. I know that like I could be blamed for it. He could be blamed for it. And I didn't need that outside noise. And I think the way I approached it is exactly how I should I did it for myself is exactly how I should have done it. Because when I was alone in those moments, it really helped me reflect. And that's the reason why you want to be alone. And that's the reason why you, when you're going through like a breakup, whatever, is that you take like an amount of time to be by yourself and reflect about what really happened. Reflect about what you did, what that other person did, what you could have done better, what they could have done better. And you use that time alone to reflect and accept what's happened. And once you've done that, once you've processed that, you allow yourself to accept and receive new things for yourself. So I think when people are alone, they they they are scared because it's like, what do I do now? Like, who do I tell now? But you don't need to tell anybody. You need to tell yourself that. That, like, hey, you know what? Even though I'm alone, I'm not lonely. I have all this support, and I need to make a decision for myself as far as do I want to stay stuck here or do I want to move on and be a badass bitch? So thank you.

ANTHONY 45:25

Standing ovation. I do want to add one more thing to that.

NALEE 45:28

Yeah.

ANTHONY 45:28

So you had made the comment about how you didn't want to tell people, and you know, people were gonna everybody has opinions and is it my fault? Is it his fault? For anybody out there who may potentially be listening to this and maybe going through the same situation, those fucking people's opinions don't fucking matter.

NALEE 45:55

Exactly.

ANTHONY 45:56

When it comes to a relationship like this, and like, you know, I'm just gonna use you as an example. Yeah. For like you and B, what happened between the two of you happened between the two of you.

NALEE 46:08

Yeah.

ANTHONY 46:09

You know what happened, he knows what happened. Whoever, I'm not gonna say who was in the wrong and who was in the right, we all know, but whoever was in the wrong has to sit with that and live with that for the rest of their life. And regardless, and with regard to the family or friends, or anybody who may be like, oh no, what did you do? Or, you know, something like that, their opinions don't fucking matter. Don't let that shit get to you.

NALEE 46:40

Yeah, for sure. Yeah. And I the only reason, again, why I chose to do it that way is because I know I take people's words into consideration. So for me, I know that it's probably better off if I just did it by myself and like process it myself. But yeah, I mean, it's honestly not that scary though. I think once you pass the feeling of like being scared of being alone, it's like it's very empowering. It's very like, wow, like damn, I went through that and I w came out of that. Like that's crazy, you know.

ANTHONY 47:13

You know what it is? It's all of these monumental life moments. When somebody dies, what do they say? You're gonna go through the stages of grief. There's all these certain stages that you go through. The stages are different, but every monumental moment in your life has stages.

NALEE 47:33

Yeah.

ANTHONY 47:33

So if it's a divorce, you're gonna go through the stages of I don't know what they were what they would call it, but there's going to be stages just as there are. I think it's still stages of grief, isn't it? Yeah, well, I mean, yeah, I guess it would be stages of grief, but Yeah. Or a form of grief, but just like anything.

NALEE 47:53

We're human beings. It's okay. People make mistakes, but at this end of the day, there's a clear winner, there's a clear loser.

ANTHONY 48:03

Yes, ma'am.

NALEE 48:04

All right. What did you want to talk about?

ANTHONY 48:06

The one that I wanted to talk about was when you don't know how to end it without being the villain. And this is just gonna be a real short, sweet set like topic. It doesn't fucking matter. You're always going to be the villain in somebody's story about anything, whether it's a breakup, whether it's about ending a friendship, whether it's about quitting a job, you're always going to be the villain in somebody's story.

NALEE 48:30

Exactly.

ANTHONY 48:31

I think I did I think it was you that told me this a while back. There was some sort of you know, everybody knows

Ending It Without Being The Villain

ANTHONY 48:37

Nolly's been into quotes lately. Oh, there was some there was some quote that you gave me about how you're always going to be the villain in somebody's story.

NALEE 48:45

Yeah.

ANTHONY 48:45

And that really made me think. And I was like, you know, you actually that's that's true. Regardless of the situation. Somebody's there's always going to be a villain, and there's always going to be a hero.

NALEE 48:56

Yep. There's always gonna be a good guy and a bad guy.

ANTHONY 48:59

So So my question to people out there who are struggling in this sort of situation where it's like, I don't know how to end it because I don't want to be the villain. Is it worth sacrificing your happiness for? True.

SPEAKER_02 49:15

Very true.

ANTHONY 49:16

Yeah.

NALEE 49:18

I'm gonna I'm gonna share a little story, I guess, based on this, right? Cause again, y'all already know your girl was in the dating scene. But I just recently had a a scenario that was kind of similar to this. Uh there was this guy, we went out for a date, and I know you guys have been waiting to hear my dating stories, but I'm only gonna say this because it it was a it was a good like ending or whatever. But in my opinion, I don't know about the other person. But we went on this date, we were like he was really nice and all that stuff, but

Rejecting Someone Without Ghosting

NALEE 49:50

I told him that like from the very beginning, kind of what my expectations were going into the relationship. I was I've told everybody that, you know, like I'm not looking to like get committed right away. I just came out of a fucking 12-year relationship. I ain't ready to jump back into one. I'm looking for friendship, companion. And if at the end of the day it leads to something bigger than that, great. If it doesn't, I find it upon my own responsibility to let the people know that hey, you know, I don't see this going anywhere. And it was great getting to know you, but I don't see this going anywhere. And so I had told this guy on this date, and I told him that, you know, like every every person that I'm talking to, we're starting off as friends, like nothing crazy, nothing committed yet, or whatever. And so then I guess he, after our date, he did really like me. So then he had been messaging me and stuff like that. And I have a lot of stuff, I have a lot of stuff going on behind the scenes, like my family, moving, cleaning, unpacking, whatever the fuck. And so I've been really, really busy. And he's a really nice guy. The only thing is that, like, you know, he he does message me a lot, and I feel bad because I'm not able to reciprocate that with him. And so then I also, I think after the date, I also didn't really feel like a romantic spark with him. And so then I was kind of stuck, like it was low-key, kind of like my first time like rejecting somebody who really liked me. And I felt really bad. I'm like, okay, how am I gonna approach this? Like, how do I tell him? But then I kind of stuck to my gun and I doubled down and I'm like, well, I did already tell him that if I didn't like him, I would let him know as soon as I found that out, or as soon as I made up my mind about that. And so then, of course, it sucks being the person who has to be like, okay, I gotta fucking strap on and like say the thing I don't want to say. Like, not like that. Oh my God.

ANTHONY 51:41

Like, I've been like an interesting choice before.

NALEE 51:43

No, I've been like, put my big, like my big girl pants on and be like, okay, you know what? You know, and so then I as as much as it sucked, I just told them I'm like, hey, like, you know, it was really great getting to know you, like you're a really, really nice guy. But unfortunately, I just have a lot of stuff going on in my personal life. And again, I can't reciprocate the kind of attention you're giving me. And I feel like it's unfair of me to do that to you, because clearly you could you could be doing that to somebody else who could give you or match your energy, you know. And so then as much as it sucked, yes, you know, like even situations like this, even if it was neutral, I was a bad guy. And I accepted that. I was okay with that because the thing is, of course, you know, like when you're talking, you're in the talking stage, I feel like you don't really owe anybody anything. But the thing with like this guy, he was really nice, and I had made the reassurance to him that hey, like if I don't like you, I will let you know. Because he was saying that like he's been ghosted by all these people. And I feel like it's uh also unfair because the thing is we're all humans, like ghosting is like the meanest thing you could do to somebody when your guys, you guys are in the talking stage. Like, if you don't like them, like what do we always say? Just be honest, just be honest. Like, if you're honest as much as you're gonna hurt the other person, at the end of the day, you could always say, Yeah, I hurt you, but at least I was honest. That's all you could that's true. That's all you could say. And so then I just told them that, like, hey, like, you know, again, I promised you that I will let you know if I don't feel anything and I just don't really feel anything romantic going on here. However, you know, if you want to remain friends based on your own comfort, we could still be friends. And if you don't want to, I get it. Like, I don't want to lead you on. I don't want us to be friends, and then you think that, oh, you could eventually like make my feelings change because that's probably not gonna happen. And so then we stopped talking for like a week, and then a week later he had messaged me again. Here's the hey, like, you know, I've been really thinking about you, and I really enjoyed our time together, and I I think that you'd be robbing us the opportunity of not giving this another try. And I had to double down because I'm just like, hey, like, you know, I really appreciate you being honest and vulnerable with me, but again, you know, I I just don't feel anything romantic. But we could be friends again at your own comfort, and then he was really chill about it, so you know, I did feel really bad because again, I I'm a yes person, and that took a lot of fucking energy out of me. Y'all already know, like I'm a yes person, and when I say no, it like hurts so bad. But like in this situation, being new to this, like I want to be as authentic as possible, and I want to meet like genuine people because I wanna I want to be genuine too, and you know, it's that thing of just being a fucking human being and being honest and being real, you know. And so then I was just like, damn, it's gonna suck. He's a really nice guy, and I probably feel like a bitch or whatever. But you know, at the end of the day, I was honest to him, and yeah, you know, it is what it just wasn't yeah, it just wasn't meant to be.

ANTHONY 54:51

You can't force something that isn't there.

NALEE 54:55

Right. But yeah, I felt like I was a bad guy.

ANTHONY 54:57

I do have to tell you that I I have to commend you for not ghosting the guy because that would have been such an easy way out.

NALEE 55:05

I don't think I've ghosted anybody that I've talked to so far. Like, yeah.

ANTHONY 55:09

No, and that's why I'm saying like I commend you for that because I feel like I feel like a lot of people do do that because people do try to avoid that difficult conversation.

NALEE 55:17

Yeah.

ANTHONY 55:18

That you're not gonna turn it. It is a hard conversation.

NALEE 55:21

It is a hard conversation. But thank you. Yeah. Again, I'm just trying to be trying to be authentic, trying to be kind, trying to be that's a pure example of me trying to be kind. Like even though it sucked, like I was being honest, and you know, it is what it is.

ANTHONY 55:36

But she won't save a kid in a burning house, but she'll uh tell you to your face that she don't want y'all doesn't want to.

NALEE 55:44

It's not that I don't want his dig, it's just I didn't see it like that. He was too he was too if I was.

ANTHONY 55:50

She said it first. I stopped myself.

NALEE 55:53

If I was being honest, I think he was too he was too nice for me. Like, and yes, y'all could come for me, whatever the fuck, say what you want to say, but I need somebody who could thrash me around. I need somebody who could like lay down the law. Cause you guys know me. I'm a really good one.

ANTHONY 56:10

So it's a gentleman in the streets and a freak in the shoes.

NALEE 56:13

And a freak in the sheets, period. Like, you guys know me. I'm already very feisty. So I need somebody to match that energy.

ANTHONY 56:21

And I think And that's fair.

NALEE 56:23

The way that I approach life and the way that I see things, I think he was a little too innocent for me. So I'm just like, I could see you as a friend, just not like that. But regardless of it.

ANTHONY 56:32

How many dates did you go on with this guy?

NALEE 56:34

That was our first date. And then he wanted a second date, and that's when I told him, I was like, hey, like, you know, I don't want to waste your time. I think it's unfair if I know that I don't like you and I waste your time. That'd be really fucked up. So I'm gonna, I'm not gonna do that. And so then I just told him, like, straight out, I'm not really f feeling it. And you know, but yeah. Now he was he also that was also a very good experience too, though, because it could have been the flip side where like if it's somebody who's really insecure, they could have been like, Well, you're a dumb bitch anyways, and I didn't even fucking like you. I just wanna go out with you, blah blah blah. Like that could have fucking happened too, you know. But this guy was really nice about it. So I'm just like, Whew, all right. Dodge the bullet. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I had that too, but we ain't gonna talk about it.

ANTHONY 57:19

Wait, what?

NALEE 57:20

I told you about this.

ANTHONY 57:21

Refresh my drink?

NALEE 57:22

Easter. I told you about this. Yeah. But anyways, anyways, yeah. At the end of the day, you are always a villain in somebody's story.

ANTHONY 57:31

Yeah. You're always gonna be the villain, so yeah.

NALEE 57:35

I'm always gonna be the villain.

ANTHONY 57:38

Yeah, Nolly's always gonna be the villain between the two of us.

NALEE 57:41

I am. I am in my villain era, so y'all bitches better watch out.

ANTHONY 57:44

Angel.

NALEE 57:45

Yeah. Yeah, he's an angel. Suck a heart. I really did. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Uh it's called a joke. Okay, what's your next topic you wanted to talk about?

ANTHONY 57:57

Um well, that's all that I wanted to talk about for that segment. So let's move on to our final segment. If you don't have anything to add, I don't.

NALEE 58:07

I just have to say, you was a baddie from day one. You still are baddie from at the end of the day of the world. And yeah. Anything that went through. Go on.

ANTHONY 58:18

I didn't follow that.

NALEE 58:20

I didn't either. You were the baddie from day one.

ANTHONY 58:24

You're the baddie.

NALEE 58:24

You will always be a baddie at the end of the day, whichever day it is.

ANTHONY 58:28

I don't know if you're talking about me or if you're like trying to inspire our listeners.

NALEE 58:32

So I'm trying to do both.

ANTHONY 58:34

I'm gonna direct it to our listeners. Y'all are baddies at the end of the day.

NALEE 58:38

Yes. Yeah. Okay, what's that third segment?

ANTHONY 58:41

Our third and final segment, the re when the realization hits. One day it clicks out of nowhere.

NALEE 58:49

You're sitting there mid-conversation, like.

ANTHONY 58:51

Wait, I don't even like you.

NALEE 58:53

And now you're in too deep.

ANTHONY 58:56

Way too deep.

NALEE 58:57

All right, so I think the topics that I wanted to talk about, we've already kind of talked about it, but I was just gonna I'm just gonna bring it up and we'll elaborate a little bit more.

ANTHONY 59:05

What does it?

NALEE 59:06

I wanted to talk about feeling guilty because they actually like you. And

When The Realization Finally Hits

NALEE 59:14

the awkward slow fade fade versus direct honesty. So we've been talking about this, obviously, the feeling guilty because they actually like you. I think I could probably relate to the same scenario that I brought up earlier where, like, you know, I went on this date, this guy was really nice and he liked me, but then I wasn't really feeling that. And sometimes, like sometimes when I'm talking to people though, like not just him, but like when you're in the talking stage and you're just talking to people, and I'm speaking from my own experience, I don't know about you guys, but like when I'm talking to these guys, obviously men lie. They're in the talking stage, they're gonna say whatever the fuck they wanna say to like get into your pants or to have some kind of momentum, whatever. But I think sometimes like you could kind of tell when somebody's being genuine with you, and you could tell when somebody's like clearly fucking lying. And 100%. There's been people that I've talked to where like I know that they like me, but I just don't feel that way about them, and it actually makes me feel guilty. I think this is like super side, and you probably will have something to say about this. I know that for a fact, but I'm kind of surprised at how many people like actually are into me and like are genuinely into me, and I'm kind of shocked. Like, I thought I was ugly. I don't know.

ANTHONY 1:00:36

But you also have to remember that that just struck me a little bit. You also have to remember we're all our own worst credit.

NALEE 1:00:46

I know that, but I I'm just saying, like, I told I was talking to Pali about this. Like the men that I've been talking to though, to me, and maybe it's because they're my type, but I'm like, they're actually very good looking people too, though. Like they're not like and I'm not I'm not discriminating based on looks or anything, but I'm just saying that like they're all very good looking. And to me, I'm like, wait, but you like me? Like, me? You know, like I don't know. But say it with me, Molly.

ANTHONY 1:01:15

If you don't love yourself, then how the hell are you gonna love somebody else?

NALEE 1:01:19

I love myself. I know that I love myself, maybe a little too much, but I'm just saying that like when it comes to like being attracted or feeling sexy or whatever, like I never felt that. Like I've never not that I never felt it, I know that it's there, but it's just that like I haven't like openly like talked to like a lot of people at the same time. Not a lot of people, but like more than one person, I would say. And to me, it's just it's attention that I didn't think that I'd ever get. I guess that's probably a better way of saying it. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I was the way I said it was, oh, I guess I am kind of cute because people like cute people like me. But at the same time, I'm like, I don't know.

ANTHONY 1:01:58

So do you think that it's a matter of like, do you think that these guys are that you're going on dates with are just out of your league?

NALEE 1:02:06

No, I don't think so. I don't think they're out of my league. I'm just saying that they're all very attractive, but they're also attracted to me. Or maybe it is like that. I don't know. I don't know. I'm just saying that I didn't think that I'd get any I didn't think that like good looking people would like be interested in me. That's probably the better way to say it.

ANTHONY 1:02:25

Okay, so I'm gonna say something that can probably be misconstrued by any of our listeners if they really wanted to throw me off a bridge. But don't you are you taking into account the fact that like level of attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder?

NALEE 1:02:44

Yeah, I know that. Yeah.

ANTHONY 1:02:45

So like some of the guys, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna throw this out there. Some of the guys that you sent me pictures of, I was like, for real.

NALEE 1:02:52

I know, I know. That's what I said. That's what I said in the beginning. Is that like I don't know if it's just because I have my own type and I think they're cute, and other people may not. But at the same time, but you will you have to agree though. Majority of the ones that I've shown you are pretty good looking, though. Like, they're not like, Anthony, you lie, you lie.

ANTHONY 1:03:15

No, but again, this is one of those things. The beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So you think you're looking at this gorgeous guy and you're like, why is he attracted to me?

NALEE 1:03:25

Yeah, I guess.

ANTHONY 1:03:26

Because he thinks that you are gorgeous. Like, he obviously likes you. He's why why would a guy take the time out of his life and money out of his wallet to take your ass to eat? Because bitch knows you take Nolly out to eat, she's not ordering like soup and salad. This bitch is getting the fucking prime rib. Give me martini after martini. I want an appetizer. I want salad, I want the salad bar, I want dessert.

NALEE 1:03:53

That's wrong. Because I haven't I haven't been able to eat much, but I will eat the good thing. I'll eat half of it, I'll take it home. I will say that. But I don't know. That's the thing, is that like that's what I'm talking about, is that it's a new experience for me. Like, I think before, like, now that I'm an adult, like I know that I know that like, oh, I could do this to change my appearance, or I could do this to make men like me or whatever. I don't fucking know. But I'm just saying that it's a new experience that like people actually like me. Or I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what I'm trying to say. I'm trying to relate it to whatever this is, but like I'm just saying that like there's been instances where like guys who do like me and I don't like them back and I feel bad about not liking them back. That's probably the best way to say it. But at the end of the day, it's also the thing of you don't owe them anything.

ANTHONY 1:04:46

Yes, and again, like I said early, you just like you can't force something that's not there.

NALEE 1:04:51

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

ANTHONY 1:04:52

And for that guy that you were talking about earlier who like really liked you and you had to, you know, let him down.

NALEE 1:05:03

See my energy just transferred to you?

ANTHONY 1:05:05

Yeah, it's just like it just hit me really bad.

NALEE 1:05:08

Yeah.

ANTHONY 1:05:09

But for like him, what does that say about him if he were to expect you to force it and make that happen?

NALEE 1:05:17

That he's not good.

ANTHONY 1:05:21

Exactly.

NALEE 1:05:21

Yeah.

ANTHONY 1:05:22

So it's just one of those things where people just need to you know acknowledge it and go on. And then I'm just gonna throw this out there on the podcast, and I'm gonna I've told you this in private. I love seeing you right now, and I'm loving this era for you. Thank you. That's my Taylor Swift's reference there. I love that. I'm loving this era for you. I'm loving this light on you. I'm loving the confidence that you're getting.

NALEE 1:05:54

Thank you.

ANTHONY 1:05:55

And I've told you, Nolly, you are beautiful. You're confident. Kind of smart. No, I'm just kidding. You're beautiful. You're smart. You have a great personality. You are a catch.

NALEE 1:06:08

Thank you, Boo.

ANTHONY 1:06:09

You're welcome. See, this is that's how I feel when you're like, you look so But honestly, this it's just it's bees fucking loss. Yeah, yeah. You're gonna suck a fart. You're gonna find somebody who treats you like the queen that you are.

NALEE 1:06:28

Thank you. And manifesting that.

ANTHONY 1:06:31

You're gonna have to ride a couple donkeys before you find your stallion if you catch my drift.

NALEE 1:06:37

Nope. I'm not that's where the not smart part comes in. Yeah, explain a little bit. Explain to the audience, the members, the team members, team members, the listeners, what are you me?

ANTHONY 1:06:47

You gotta ride some ugly ass dicks till you find the right one that fits your your stable.

NALEE 1:06:56

Okay. Got it, got it.

ANTHONY 1:06:59

But yeah, it will happen. You're a great catch. I mean, listeners, viewers, any of the guys out there watching. Look at the tetas.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:07

Oh my god, look at you holding me out.

ANTHONY 1:07:09

They're on full display. That's right. And as your manager, I expect 20%.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:13

Bitch, but no.

ANTHONY 1:07:17

I'm I'm loving this for you.

NALEE 1:07:20

Yeah. I mean, I know she a catch. My personality is A. Anybody who says they don't have fun with me is a fucking liar. That's all I gotta say.

ANTHONY 1:07:30

Exactly. Isn't that what we say about our podcast in general? You don't laugh once during this, you're the fucking podcast.

NALEE 1:07:35

You're a fucking liar. Yeah. All right. Anyways, we'll stop talking about me. I know I'm cute. Anyways, the other, the last topic, we're not gonna talk about the awkward slow fade versus direct honesty because we already kind of know that.

ANTHONY 1:07:48

We kind of covered that.

NALEE 1:07:49

Yeah. And then finally choosing honesty over comfort. This is, I just want to again reflect on the fact that like, even though it's a hard conversation to have, it's usually the whatever feels wrong is the right thing to do.

ANTHONY 1:08:04

Well, I don't know if I would agree with that because it feels wrong to rob a bank. So I don't think that's the right thing to do.

NALEE 1:08:15

Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on. Um maybe I quoted it wrong. It's usually when you do the right thing, I'm not gonna because it's gonna come back and sound the same. You know what? Just do the right thing. Sometimes it sucks. It feels like it's gonna suck, but yeah.

ANTHONY 1:08:31

Follow your gut, follow your.

NALEE 1:08:33

Having a big is gonna feel wrong.

ANTHONY 1:08:35

I mean stupid.

NALEE 1:08:36

You got right, you got right.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:38

Feels kind of wrong.

ANTHONY 1:08:39

Um yeah. I know what you're saying though. I get it. I get where you're I get the smell of what I'm stepping in. Yeah. Yeah.

NALEE 1:08:46

All right. What were your topics?

ANTHONY 1:08:47

If you had nothing else to add, nothing else to add other than don't rob a fucking bank.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:51

And if it like if it feels right, then you need to go to jail.

ANTHONY 1:08:55

It doesn't always, yeah. My topic is I feel like we kind of taught touched on this one was like when the well, I've been preaching it this entire thing at time, but like when the attraction just isn't there, like you just you can't force things. You can't force yourself to feel something that you don't feel. And be honest with yourself.

NALEE 1:09:18

Yeah.

ANTHONY 1:09:18

About about that. Like for anybody who's like in a relationship or something, like and you're questioning it, or like, do you just ever just take the time to like look at the other

Attraction Beyond Looks

ANTHONY 1:09:29

person and just be like You're kind of ugly? I don't know, I'm feeling this anymore. And like it's not a reason to like stay, like just because you have so much time together and under your belt, your, you know, your relationship belt. That's not a reason to stay, especially if it's making you unhappy. And like I said earlier, staying in a relationship for the wrong reasons, is it really worth your happiness, your time, and your life? Like you said previously on your tombstone, that little dash, make it worth it. Are you making are you making that dash worth it by staying in a relationship that you're unhappy in?

NALEE 1:10:14

And this is gonna sound really stupid because I got another quote coming here. I saw, you guys know Kobe, obviously, he's like a famous basketball player, but I saw a video the other day and he was saying to like, I think he was like talking to kids about it, but he was just like, it doesn't matter what you do to get you to your goal. The main thing is, were you better than the day before?

ANTHONY 1:10:36

I like that.

NALEE 1:10:37

Did you do better than you did the day before? Whether it's a big amount or a small amount. And I think we could definitely apply this to like being in a relationship where where I feel like this is where a lot of and I can't I cannot say that it is for sure because clearly I'm I'm single now. So I don't know. Uh take it with what you will, take it with a grain of salt, whatever. But I feel like a lot of people, this is where marriages fail because the attraction it just wasn't there. Like, and I feel like attraction isn't it's not enough, I guess. That's better a a better way to say it. But at the same time, if there already isn't enough attraction there, what makes you think you're gonna stay with this person for the next five years, for the next ten years? You know what I mean? Yeah. Are you playing the drum on your um keyboard? Yeah.

ANTHONY 1:11:32

It sounds like I was typing because I was looking, I'm trying to find a quote for myself.

NALEE 1:11:38

Oh, okay.

ANTHONY 1:11:38

Um what well something that you just said reminded me of a quote that I heard. Okay. I was typing, sorry, that was so.

NALEE 1:11:46

It's okay. No, it's fine. But yeah, I think that's I'll I'll just talk while you're doing your little research there. But I feel like that's probably one of the a big like that's a big issue for like a lot of couples too, where like they're just not attracted enough to each other to want to stay, you know? Because I feel like attraction is a really big thing when it comes to your relationship. Obviously, you want to you want to like you wanna stay with somebody who you it's gonna sound really stupid, but it's true. You wanna spend the rest of your life with somebody you want to continuously fuck.

ANTHONY 1:12:19

You do or you don't?

NALEE 1:12:21

You do, and if you're with somebody who you don't feel that with, it's gonna, it's gonna sour s somewhere along the lines.

ANTHONY 1:12:29

Somebody's gonna end up cheating, finding another person. Well, I mean maybe, but I was what's the word that I'm thinking of? Resenting the other person.

NALEE 1:12:40

Yes. Yes, but yeah, attraction I feel like is a really big thing when it comes to a relationship. Of course, yes, beauty fades, you get old or whatever. But attraction doesn't always mean physically. Attraction means emotionally, mentally. Like, are they stimulating enough for you mentally for you to want to continue to be with them? Because you don't want to be with somebody who's a d who's a who's like a dull, a dull person when you're like over here, like you have a lot of energy and stuff, and you're with a person who constantly brings you down. Like, that's not gonna work in the long run. Because what if that other person who's dull starts resenting you because you're being too much or you're just not at the same level as they are? You know what I mean? So I feel like attraction is a really big thing.

ANTHONY 1:13:26

I agree with attraction being a big thing.

NALEE 1:13:30

Yeah.

ANTHONY 1:13:31

But I also agree that it's not just physical attraction. It's physical attraction, it's it's emotional attraction, it's intellectual attraction.

NALEE 1:13:41

Yeah.

ANTHONY 1:13:42

It's everything all rolled into one.

NALEE 1:13:46

Financial attraction.

ANTHONY 1:13:48

Thank your bank account, Bo. What you got? How many zeros you got in there?

SPEAKER_02 1:13:51

I'm attracted to your bank account. Yes, thank you.

ANTHONY 1:13:55

So just I I just want to go back to that quote. So I couldn't find the exact quote, but I came up with my own version.

NALEE 1:14:03

Okay, love that.

ANTHONY 1:14:05

So it is a relationship isn't two people giving 100% all of the time. It's two people making sure the relationship still gets a hundred percent, even when one of them can't.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:19

I love that.

ANTHONY 1:14:19

So every single day, I don't want, you know, you to give a hundred percent. I'm not gonna give a hundred percent. Those days that you give 30%, I'm gonna put in the other 70% to make sure that this relationship is getting 100% all of the time. Yeah. And the days that I'm giving 90% or that I'm giving 10%, you're giving me 90%. It's a two-way street.

NALEE 1:14:44

100%. 100%. Period. Point blank period.

ANTHONY 1:14:49

Point blank period, people. Look at us with our LSD MSD MSD M D A M D A. So fucking stupid. So fucking stupid.

NALEE 1:15:02

Yeah, we say it every time.

ANTHONY 1:15:05

Yes. But we give some food for people to think on. Yes, food for thought.

NALEE 1:15:11

Yes. But and I just want to piggyback on what you said about the 100% thing. I think people don't realize that like sometimes you You just can't give.

ANTHONY 1:15:23

You can't do that.

NALEE 1:15:24

You can't be the one who's always carrying the relationship emotionally. It's unfair to you, and it's unfair to the relationship. And sometimes you end up doing that, and at the end of the day, you end up getting the short end of the stick. So you gotta you gotta let people it's that thing that I told you guys that Matthew McConaughey said where Alright, alright, alright. And when you're in a relationship, you're you have to you're either running or you're either waiting or you're either ahead or behind your partner. But it's the fact that you either wait for them while they're behind or you wait for them, like you wait for them to catch up to where you're at. So if you're giving 30%, you have to allow that other person to give you the 50% too. And if they're not, that's a sign for you that this person cannot meet you at your cap meet you at the capacity that you need them to meet you at. You know what I mean?

ANTHONY 1:16:21

Yeah.

NALEE 1:16:22

Yeah.

ANTHONY 1:16:22

But I mean, that was bad math, but I get what you're saying. 30 and 50%.

NALEE 1:16:30

You know what I mean?

ANTHONY 1:16:34

Smelling what you were stepping in.

NALEE 1:16:36

Yeah, but did you have anything else to add to this topic or to this segment?

ANTHONY 1:16:40

Realizing when you're settling. Like I feel like relationships are one of those things where it's like you need to consistently check in, whether it's with your partner or yourself, but you need to check in and you need to do an inventory. Like, are your needs being met across the board?

NALEE 1:16:58

Yeah.

ANTHONY 1:16:59

Like they may be banging you buck wild through the headboard in bed, but are you having the intellectual conversations? Are you stimulating each other in other areas of your life?

NALEE 1:17:09

Yeah.

ANTHONY 1:17:10

Are you happy? Check in with yourself.

Are You Settling Or Choosing Peace

ANTHONY 1:17:12

Are you settling? Have that conversation with yourself. And God, this got this shit got deep.

NALEE 1:17:17

Yeah, it's okay. I mean, we always get in deep. That's okay. That's what that's how we do. Yeah. But yeah, I agree. I think I think settling kind of gets its own like bad rep, but I feel like if you are settling for something exactly that you asked for, that's okay too. But if it's more or if it's less than what you deserve, if it's less than what you deserve, then you need to reevaluate the situation. And the reason why I'm saying that, because I see your face kind of turning around, is sometimes people when they settle, it's exactly what they asked for. It's for a person who's loving, caring, kind, consistent, you know, and the outside people are gonna say, oh, you're settling for this person. But you yourself, if you see that this person makes you content the for the long run, it's okay to settle because you're settled.

ANTHONY 1:18:14

Go ahead. Sorry. No, go ahead.

NALEE 1:18:16

I I forgot my train of thought, but go on.

ANTHONY 1:18:18

I was gonna say, but you're not settling for that person because if they're checking off all of your boxes and they're feeding you everything that you want in life and everything that you were looking for in a partner of a person, you're not settling. Even if, okay, outside people, your friends are saying you're settling, they think that you can do better. You're not actually settling because this person is checking off everything that you wanted.

NALEE 1:18:46

Well, that's what I wanted to say. I guess it just didn't convey it in that way.

ANTHONY 1:18:50

Oh.

NALEE 1:18:52

Yeah.

ANTHONY 1:18:52

Yeah. No, that, yeah. You're I don't think that you're settling in that instance. Okay. Settle settling would be giving up things that you want or your desires or lowering the expectations of what you want.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:11

Okay, okay.

NALEE 1:19:13

Well, yeah. Well, uh what I meant to say. No, no, no, no, no. You're right, you're right. I don't know where I was going with that train of thought, but I just was saying that like there could be people who say that you're settling, but if it's if it's stimulating for you, if it's meeting all your needs, it's not settling. It's you getting exactly what you want. And that's probably a better way to say it than what I said. But yeah.

ANTHONY 1:19:35

That's all I had.

NALEE 1:19:36

That's all I got too.

ANTHONY 1:19:37

That's all I wanted to say.

NALEE 1:19:39

All right.

ANTHONY 1:19:39

Don't settle, people.

NALEE 1:19:41

Yeah, don't settle. Life is too short. Again, life is too short to not get exactly what you want and exactly what you deserve.

ANTHONY 1:19:50

So, overall, what did we learn? Don't settle. Know your worth. You're always gonna be the villain in somebody's story.

NALEE 1:19:57

And you was a baddie from day one.

ANTHONY 1:19:59

And you was a baddie from day one.

NALEE 1:20:01

And you will always be a fucking baddie.

ANTHONY 1:20:03

But someone's always gonna be an even bigger baddie.

NALEE 1:20:05

Okay.

ANTHONY 1:20:05

Okay, but you know what? Not good.

NALEE 1:20:07

Yes. All of those lessons aside, or all of those lessons included, just remember at the end of the day, you're by yourself. You have to be happy with who you are. And what does the famous

Final Takeaways And Hard Truths

NALEE 1:20:21

RuPaul say, Anthony?

ANTHONY 1:20:22

If you don't love yourself, then how the hell are you gonna love somebody else?

NALEE 1:20:26

Exactly. Exactly.

ANTHONY 1:20:28

And so one more thing that I just want to say. Like you said, at the end of the day, when you lay in bed at night, there's only one person in here.

NALEE 1:20:37

Yeah.

ANTHONY 1:20:38

There's only one person that you have to answer to.

NALEE 1:20:40

It's me, yourself.

ANTHONY 1:20:42

Hopefully, me.

NALEE 1:20:44

All right. So if you've been listening and you're feeling slightly uncomfortable because we just fucking like gave y'all a whole ass fucking lecture.

ANTHONY 1:20:54

We put all the cars on the table and good.

NALEE 1:20:57

That means something's clacking up here.

ANTHONY 1:20:59

It's clacking, bro. Yes, because you sh you shouldn't have to convince yourself to like somebody.

NALEE 1:21:04

And you definitely shouldn't stay just because they like you.

ANTHONY 1:21:08

That's not fair to them. Or most importantly, it's not fair to you.

NALEE 1:21:14

Yeah. So maybe it's time to ask yourself the question.

ANTHONY 1:21:18

Do you actually like them?

NALEE 1:21:19

Or was it just for the attention?

ANTHONY 1:21:21

And whatever the answer is, do something about it. Please. Just do something.

NALEE 1:21:28

Yeah. Do it. Do it, do it. All right. Well, this week's episode of Twin Tangents.

ANTHONY 1:21:34

Send this to somebody you need who needs to hear this.

NALEE 1:21:37

Okay.

unknown 1:21:38

I said it wrong. I said it wrong.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:41

Sorry. All right. That's this week's episode of Twin Tangents. I said it wrong, y'all. Go on.

ANTHONY 1:21:48

She's pretty, okay? That's all she's got. But I'm gonna stick with what I said. Send this to somebody who needs to hear it. Anything any piece that we talked about.

NALEE 1:21:59

Yeah, all of it, bits of it, little

Share It With Someone

NALEE 1:22:03

our little clips that we've been doing. Yeah. But send it to somebody or someone who's definitely in a situation like this.

ANTHONY 1:22:10

Or maybe you yourself needs to hear this, hear the words from our mouths, sit and reflect.

NALEE 1:22:19

All right. Well, we'll see you guys in two weeks for the full episode. Bye.