🎙️Delusion, But Make It Productive (AUDIO ONLY)🎙️

What if the secret to success is just being a little bit delusional?

Not full-on “I’m buying a private island tomorrow” delusional.

Just enough delusion to walk into a room you don’t belong in, convince yourself you do, and figure it out along the way.

This week on Twin Tangents, Anthony and Nalee tackle one of the internet’s favorite personality traits: being delulu.

From manifestation and journaling trends to fake confidence, fate, ambition, and whether the universe is actually doing anything at all, we explore the fine line between self-belief and complete nonsense. And honestly? We’re still not sure where that line is.

👉 Audio listeners: if you want to see the facial expressions, dramatic hand gestures, and the moments where one of us accidentally turns a silly conversation into a therapy session, head over to YouTube.

We’re talking:

✨ Manifestation or just vibes? → does believing hard enough actually change your life, or are we just romanticizing wishful thinking?

🎭 Fake it till you make it → confidence, imposter syndrome, and why sometimes pretending is the first step to becoming.

🎟️ Lottery ticket logic → manifestation only works if you actually buy the ticket.

🦋 The butterfly effect → tiny decisions, unexpected outcomes, and how one choice can completely change your path.

🌎 Everything happens for a reason? → fate, free will, destiny, and one surprisingly deep debate about whether the universe has a plan.

📓 Journals, self-help books, and healing eras → helpful tools or expensive notebooks with good marketing?

💼 Career ambition vs. career delusion → when dreaming big becomes unrealistic... and when unrealistic is exactly what gets you there.

🪞 The self-worth glow-up → becoming the person you needed when life didn't turn out the way you expected.

🐢 Two tiny turtles in a big world → just trying our best while pretending we know what we're doing.

😂 Classic Twin Tangents chaos → side quests, accidental life advice, questionable logic, and enough delusion to power a small city.

Somewhere between manifestation and responsibility, confidence and delusion, destiny and choice, we accidentally stumbled into one of our most thoughtful conversations yet.

Because maybe being delusional isn't the problem.

Maybe the trick is making it productive.

Quick disclaimer: This episode contains manifestation talk, existential debates, fake confidence, real feelings, lottery ticket economics, and absolutely zero professional life coaching.

We're not experts.

We're just confidently figuring it out as we go.

🎙️ Motto of the week:
Believe in yourself.
Work for it.
And if all else fails... be just delusional enough to keep going.

⚠️ Twin Tangents: Because Therapy Was Booked ⚠️
 Unfiltered. Unapologetic. Unhinged (just a bit).

Hosted by Nalee & Anthony—this is your safe, spicy space to spiral. Expect adult content, hot takes, and high-functioning chaos.

And yes, we call our listeners H.O.E.S.
 (Hilarious. Over it. Emotionally unstable. Spicy.)
 It’s not an insult. It’s a hoe-mmunity.

If you can turn a three-word text into a 45-minute psychological breakdown… welcome home.

Nalee’s Hypothetical Hotline exists for the people who rehearse arguments in the shower and lose sleep over imaginary conversations. Submit your spirals. We’ll spiral louder. And with microphones.

Because if we’re overthinking, we’re doing it professionally.

Love drama but hate being involved in it? Perfect.

Twin Tangents Court is our fast-paced spin-off where we judge everyone so you don’t have to. Dating disasters. Friendship felonies. Domestic disturbances. We try the case. We deliver the verdict.

New episodes drop every other Friday at 8 AM Central. Bring your coffee. Bring your screenshots. Court is now in session.

Pride Month isn’t just glitter and hashtags—it’s visibility, safety, and unapologetic joy. In our “Rainbow, But Make It Real” segment, we’re cutting through the rainbow capitalism to spotlight real stories, real love, and real respect. Whether you're out, questioning, or just vibing in your truth—we see you, we celebrate you, and we’re here for the real Pride. 🏳️‍🌈💖✨

Just when you thought the chaos was over—Anthony and Nalee invite you to keep the tangents going. With a soft outro vibe and one last wink to the listener, this post-roll points you toward the Twin Tangents website and socials for more unfiltered content. Because if you’re still here, you clearly get it… and we love that for you.

🎙️ Stay connected with Twin Tangents Because Therapy Was Booked
Unfiltered. Unexpected. Unbothered.

🌐 Website: www.twintangentspodcast.com
All our socials, episodes, and contact info live here.

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Transcript

Welcome To Twin Tangents

ANTHONY 0:47

All right, everybody. Welcome back to Twin Tangents, where confidence and Skittle chewing is high and accuracy is optional.

NALEE 0:58

That's right, baby. Today we're talking about delusion. Because apparently it's a lifestyle now. Tell me something new.

ANTHONY 1:05

Yeah, tell me something I don't know.

NALEE 1:07

Exactly. All right, so our first segment today is a manifestation or just vibes. All right, let's start spiritual.

ANTHONY 1:14

No, no, no, no, no, no. Here we go.

NALEE 1:18

All right. What you got? My first topic is faking it till you make it, baby. Honestly, this is like my number three rule. We don't know nothing about nothing. We know shit about fuck. We know fuck about shit. Haven't said that in a hot minute. But I think sometimes when you fake it till you make it, that kind of mentality, it takes you where you

Fake It Till You Make It

NALEE 1:39

need to be. It's a little delusional again. It's it's a little delulu. It's a lot of but at the same time, it's just like what Rihanna said. You just you just gotta fake it till you make it. You just gotta pretend.

ANTHONY 1:52

I agree with that. And I think that you can you can fake it till you make it, but the problem is it's one of those things that what do I always say? Failing to prepare is preparing to fail.

NALEE 2:04

Yeah.

ANTHONY 2:04

So you're gonna fake it till you make it, and then you're gonna make it, but then when push comes to shove, you ain't gonna know shit.

NALEE 2:10

Let's see a scenario. Actually, I don't know. I don't really agree with that. Because the thing is, let's put it into the situation.

SPEAKER_02 2:18

Yeah, okay. Give me a situation.

NALEE 2:20

I'm manifesting the fact that we're gonna win the lottery, and then bam, we get the lottery. We got it. Why do I gotta worry about whatever's happening? You know what I mean?

ANTHONY 2:30

Okay, but I think I think I'm thinking of it from a different perspective.

NALEE 2:34

Okay.

ANTHONY 2:34

I I was thinking of it more from a perspective of like You're like realistically. Yeah. I I was yeah, I was being blessed to Lulu.

NALEE 2:42

But I was thinking about today, maybe not this year, but next year.

ANTHONY 2:48

No, no, no. Yeah, no, I agree with that. It's that's gonna happen. But I'm I was thinking about like faking it till you make it like at work. Like I'm gonna fake it, I'm gonna be the on top of my game, I'm gonna do all this, and like I'm gonna I'm gonna get a promotion, I'm gonna get I'm gonna keep moving up the ranks. But then I faked it so much, now I'm at this top-level ranking position. People are coming to me and they're asking me, Oh, I need this report, or I have questions about this, and I'm like, I actually don't need shit.

SPEAKER_02 3:14

I don't know anything.

ANTHONY 3:17

It's like all these people who have faked it or bootlicked their way to getting into a position.

NALEE 3:23

Okay, okay.

ANTHONY 3:24

And then when push comes to shove, they don't know what the fuck they're doing.

NALEE 3:27

Yeah. But I feel like that's everybody though. Everybody does that.

ANTHONY 3:31

You think so?

NALEE 3:32

Yeah, I feel like not everybody knows everything. But then I feel like I'm just speaking for it. But they know something. Yeah, I'm just speaking for myself though. I think sometimes you have to have that fake confidence though, to allow you to step in rooms that you've you haven't before. And then once you get there though, once you've faked it and then you make it, then you need to you need to like up your upskill yourself. You need to learn it. You need to, you know, like expand on that.

ANTHONY 4:02

Okay.

NALEE 4:03

Instead of just continuing to fake it. You know what I mean?

ANTHONY 4:06

Okay, I can agree with that.

NALEE 4:08

And this is gonna sound like you gotta responsibly fake it till you make it. There you go.

ANTHONY 4:13

This this is gonna sound like a very pessimistic thing to say. I agree with what you said, but I also think that the majority of people are gonna be like, I've faked it so well, I've made it this far. I don't need to worry about learning it. I'm just gonna keep faking it until it bites them in their ass.

NALEE 4:31

It's true. But that's part of the delusion that when shit hits the fan, just be prepared for the consequences. Yeah. Because it's the circle of life. Well, that's not necessarily the circle of life. Kinda. I feel like I feel like somewhat, kind of, I feel like not everybody knows what they're doing though. And they're everybody's faking it until they're making it. I mean, again, I'm speaking for myself. Well, bitch, I don't even know. I don't even know. I'm out here in the streets. I don't belong in the streets, but I'm gonna fake that I belong in the streets until you.

ANTHONY 5:07

You're gonna find Nolly walking in the streets, she's gonna be like, Badala make you holler. She's gonna be out there with her fur coat and her purse and her heels.

NALEE 5:17

Not like that. No, not like that. I'm a classy hoe. You guys will see me at 5 p.m.

ANTHONY 5:24

You guys will find her in the the bar at five-star hotels sitting there.

NALEE 5:29

Period.

ANTHONY 5:30

Jacket off one shoulder.

NALEE 5:32

Yeah. You gotta know where the good spots are.

ANTHONY 5:34

She a high-end hoe.

NALEE 5:36

Period.

ANTHONY 5:37

No, I I do I I do agree with you. I do, I do agree with the fact that I think everybody is faking it in this faking it till we make it in this life because we ain't making it young. That's what life is, right?

NALEE 5:49

Yeah, we ain't making shit happen because everything's so expensive. Fucking $60 to fill up my car. What the fuck is that?

ANTHONY 5:58

It costs you $60 to fill up your car.

NALEE 6:00

If it cost me $60 to fill up my car when it used to cost like half. It used to cost like fucking 30 bucks. Maybe not even. Crazy. And I'm out here still fucking driving like I got fucking gas money. Got no fucking chill.

ANTHONY 6:14

Yeah, I I don't remember the last time I filled up my car.

NALEE 6:17

Must be nice.

ANTHONY 6:18

Don't go anywhere. Boom. Look at me. I got everything I need. I got Walmart delivery.

NALEE 6:22

I don't got everything I need.

ANTHONY 6:28

I don't need shit. I get everything delivered to me. I don't need to drive anywhere. This is me being delusional and thinking that everything in life is great and grand.

NALEE 6:38

Yeah. Yeah. Just a little bit. You look a little yellow by this uh. Maybe get out, get some sun.

ANTHONY 6:47

Looking yellow. That's the jaundice. That's the liver failure from all the alcohol.

NALEE 6:55

Oh my god. Just kidding. I fucking can't. How does that song go again? Yellow. That's all I remember. I have I have no idea what song you're talking about. Hold on, hold on, hold on. It goes, it goes, hold on. I gotta, I gotta try to remember. Look at the stars. Look how they shine for you. Oh my goodness. In everything you do, and it was called yellow. That one.

ANTHONY 7:28

Did you just say it was called yellow?

NALEE 7:30

Yeah, the song is about a guy who is about a parent who has jaundice. That's why it's called yellow. It's saying I came along with the colour.

ANTHONY 7:37

I thought the lyric was it was all yellow.

NALEE 7:41

No. And it was called yellow. That's what I was saying. And it says here, your skin, oh yeah, your skin and bones turned into something beautiful, you know. For you, I'd bleed myself dry. For you, I'd bleed myself dry.

ANTHONY 7:55

That got dark real fast.

NALEE 7:57

Yeah, this is this is actually a really sad song. Yo. Oh my god. Yeah. Yep.

ANTHONY 8:01

Okay, well, what else do you guys say about fake new TV? Like, damn, that took a left down dark.

NALEE 8:09

Why am I like You said yellow in Jaundice, so it reminded me of the song. Yellow.

ANTHONY 8:16

You told me I was looking yellow.

NALEE 8:18

You do look yellow. Because you don't go outside. No, I'm just saying, because you don't go outside, you ain't getting no sunlight. You ain't getting no- I do go outside.

ANTHONY 8:25

I got my chair outside. I'm waiting. As soon as we finish recording here, I'm going to sit my happy ass outside. I'm going to pour myself a nice little cocktail.

NALEE 8:33

I'm going to sit out there. We still got some time. It's 3 35. We still got some time.

ANTHONY 8:37

I'm just saying, you lived in town.

NALEE 8:39

You could come over and sit in my backyard too. I don't live in town. That's the sad part.

ANTHONY 8:44

That's yeah. That's your own damn fault.

NALEE 8:47

It's not my fault. It's not my fault.

ANTHONY 8:49

We're gonna agree to disagree on that, hoe?

NALEE 8:51

No, it's not my fault. It's somebody else's fault. It's Polly's fault.

ANTHONY 8:55

It's Polly's fault.

NALEE 8:56

Yeah, she needed me. Um but yeah, everybody I think is faking it till they make it. I think we're all we're all some sort of delusional. Did you have anything else to add to that?

ANTHONY 9:08

1,000% No, just that I do agree with that. I think that the world and life in general is just such an unknown thing that there's some truth in that saying that the, you know, they say like be nice to people because you never know what they're going through. You never know what another person is going through. And that's it's the exact same thing. We're we are all literally just trying to survive every single day. So we're I think in some sense we are all faking it to try and make it.

NALEE 9:40

Yeah. What are we again? Do you remember what we are?

SPEAKER_00 9:43

Two tiny little turtles in a big, big world.

NALEE 9:46

Period. See, you and I, we're just thinking like that. Period.

ANTHONY 9:52

That's what's up.

NALEE 9:53

That's what's up. Okay. Well, anyways, that's all I wanted to touch on. My other topic was everything happens for a reason debate. Now, do you believe that everything happens for a reason?

ANTHONY 10:05

At the end of the day, yes. I know.

NALEE 10:09

Okay, what about the beginning of the day?

ANTHONY 10:11

I well, here's the thing is that there are certain instances that like it's hard to rationalize that justification that yes, everything happens for a reason. There are certain things that happen, and it's just like you just want to say, like, fuck you to the goddamn universe. Like, what the fuck bullshit

Does Everything Happen For A Reason

ANTHONY 10:28

is this? Like, you just can't see through the clouds or see through the storm in the moment.

NALEE 10:35

Yeah.

ANTHONY 10:36

And that's why it's very important to take the time, like, take a step away, take a step back, relax, like let things calm, and then you can rationalize things a little bit more. And yes, I do. I do believe at the end of the day, everything happens for a reason.

NALEE 10:52

Yeah. Okay. Do you think hold on? I have a I have a secondary question to that. Do you think then that is the same thing as b that it's like fate? Like everything happens for a reason. Do you think that's the same as fate? Like what's meant to be is meant to be.

ANTHONY 11:07

Kesrah Sarah. That's a really good follow-up question. So everything happens for a reason. Is that the same as fate? Right? That was your question.

NALEE 11:19

Yep. Sorry. I'm like stretching my legs over here. Don't mind.

ANTHONY 11:22

I think I don't think it's the same thing as fate, but I think a series of things that happen for a reason can lead you to fate.

NALEE 11:32

And what I mean by that is I'm old, say go to church.

ANTHONY 11:39

Um but what I mean by that is I don't think me getting up in the morning and stubbing my toe was fucking fate. But I think it happened for a reason.

NALEE 11:47

Like when I got your glasses on.

ANTHONY 11:50

When I think of fate, I think of things that are a little bit more serious.

NALEE 11:59

You look back so fast.

ANTHONY 12:01

What? How did I do that?

NALEE 12:02

What was that? You looked back so fast.

ANTHONY 12:04

Oh, there I there was somebody in my backyard.

NALEE 12:07

Oh shit. It scared me a little bit.

ANTHONY 12:09

I was like, who the fuck is here? For me, I when I think of fate, I think of things that are a little bit more serious, a little bit more life-altering or life-changing versus things happening for a reason being and I think of things happening for a reason being m smaller things that, again, like we mentioned before, the like the butterfly effect. These are little things that are going to alter and make way to get to the ultimate fate of life or fate of things. Damn, that's true. Does that make sense?

NALEE 12:46

That sounds really colty, but it makes sense.

ANTHONY 12:49

Does it make it? I'm big into I'm big into cults now. So if anybody hasn't seen it, you should watch Unchosen on Netflix. Um we'll put you on. You're welcome.

NALEE 12:58

Okay. Okay, okay. Oh, while we're talking about put you on, Drake just came out with this new album and the song Ho Faze. Listen to it.

ANTHONY 13:06

Okay. First of all, didn't Drake just drop like three new albums?

NALEE 13:09

Did he?

ANTHONY 13:10

I thought I I thought I saw somewhere on like Apple Music, he dropped like three albums in I don't know if it was three.

NALEE 13:18

I just know that he dropped some he dropped uh album, the albums, albums. He just dropped some new music, but his one of his new songs called Whole Faze. Yeah, I'm living for that. Anyways.

ANTHONY 13:31

Anyway, well, I'm gonna look this up because I want to know.

NALEE 13:34

Yeah. Accidentally played music on my phone. But uh Yeah, okay, well, my take to it is that I don't I think I used to think that everything happens for a reason, but at this point, I think that you make your own fate. I used to think that everything happens for a reason. Yeah, but I feel like at this point, the stuff that I've gone through I think you do it for yourself. And I don't think it's fate. I think you create your own destiny. That's all I had.

ANTHONY 14:05

Okay, so can you elaborate a little bit? Wait, before we elaborate a little bit more, I just want to make a comment. So, yes, Drake did drop three albums on May 15th: Iceman, Habibity, and Maid of Honor. Okay. All on May 15th of this year.

NALEE 14:23

Go off, Drake. He's not for Kendrick, that's why.

ANTHONY 14:26

I don't know. You gotta do what you gotta do. But anyway, going back to can you elaborate a little bit more on your thought process and what you mean by this?

NALEE 14:34

Yeah, like I used to think that B and I were fated to be together. I used to think that we were everything happened for a reason. And now, and this is probably more emotional than it really is, like logical or mentally. But I'm just gonna give you guys like a quick recap of what I'm saying. So everybody knows, or maybe everybody doesn't know, but at this point, y'all know my life story. I've actually been married twice, like traditionally, not like legally, but traditionally. And so B was like my first boyfriend, and then some stuff happened. I I cheated on him, whatever, with another person. And then, but again, I was a kid, I was stupid. I will give I will always say I was stupid. I didn't know, like, I don't know what was right from wrong. I was a child. And so then I got married to this person, got divorced, and then B came back into my life, and I thought it was like this big fairy tale. Like, oh, like, look, we're we we met again. He was like my first love, my first boyfriend, and here we are. We meet again, and maybe this is this is how it's supposed to be. Maybe everything happened for a reason. Maybe the reason why I didn't my relationship with my first ex-husband didn't work out was because of this, you know? Come to find out, was I was I in for a fucking whirlwind? Turns out it's even fucking worse than the first one before. And so then, I mean, you know, I have again, I don't have any ill will of whatever happened. Obviously, B and I know what happened, but I'm just saying that like I thought that that was meant to be, but even then it wasn't. You know what I mean? And so then I think my mindset, I used to think that, oh, like everything happened for a reason. This is fate, this is how it's supposed to be. We're supposed to be together forever. But when things get switched up on you, it's just kind of like you have no control of what happens, you have no control of what other people do, what other people think, whatever other people like say or whatever. But the reason why I say that you take control of your own destiny is because you can control what you do. You know what I mean? And I think a lot of people kind of l leave it up to the universe, but at the end of the day, it's what you decide to do. And it's that saying of it's not how you it's not what you re it's not how you react to it, it's how you respond to it to certain situations. You know what I mean? Or I don't know if that's the same thing, but there's a thing similar to that. And I think that and that's part of being obviously on our topic today about being delusional. I think sometimes like it is low-key delusional to be like, oh yeah, like the universe will will do its thing. I'm gonna leave it up to the universe. And funny thing is, I know I always say that because I'm always like, I'm leaving up to God, like Jesus take the wheel, whatever. You know what I mean? Yeah. But at the I would like to believe that there's a greater, I would like to believe that there is a greater being, there's a greater purpose, I that I have a greater purpose, that whatever journey I'm going through, it's gonna lead me to where I'm supposed to be. I would love to believe that. But at the same time, I cannot solely rely on that. I have to do it for myself. I have to take action, I have to do little things that will eventually build me up to where I need to be. And I don't think that happens through circumstance or through coincidences. I make it happen for myself. So that's why I don't believe. I don't say that I don't believe, but I do like have like a little bit of belief in fate or that everything is supposed to happen for a reason. But at the same time, I'm not gonna solely put all my eggs in that basket and be like, yeah, that's it. I'm not gonna do any work. I'm just gonna let cart the cards play out. I am in control of how it happens. And I think a lot of people kind of like confuse the two, like they don't confuse it, but I think a lot of people rely on like Jesus take the wheel and whatever. Again, I'm probably here being hypocritical because y'all know I say that shit like verbatim, but I think it's the action behind it where like you could say it and you could try to manifest it, but at the same time, if you're not doing anything to move you towards where you want to be, then how is it gonna happen? And to put it in simple forms, you know how we buy like we buy I'm we're I'm manifesting that we win the lottery, but if we don't buy lottery tickets, how are we gonna, how are we gonna even play? How are we gonna even like be win the lottery? You know what I mean? So it's right, it's the action towards what you wanna be. Yes, you could say it, you could manifest it, you could put it out there, but really it comes down to how are you gonna put yourself in that situation to get you to where you want to be and not just say it? Like it's the do part of it. Yes. I just talked a whole bunch and I went in a whole bunch, a big ass circle, but I hope you know what I mean.

ANTHONY 19:28

Well, I know what you mean, and where I'm where I'm struggling is I felt like in the beginning you were very like it's it's me. Like things that happen are because of what I do. But then in the end, it's still that it's see see, I didn't get that though. Okay, what I like to say is I feel like at the end you got to where I was going to rebuttal you with the fact that it's really a matter of both things working in conjunction. Like everything happens for a reason, but things don't just happen. They happen by the actions that we do. So uh for us winning the lottery, that happens because we choose to buy a lottery ticket. So we are we are making these decisions, we are actively taking steps, but it's working in conjunction with what the universe is lining up for us. So it's not just a matter of us being in control of our destiny and like us be like if if I if we're in control of our own lives and our own destiny, this ain't my destiny, baby. Boo. I should be on a beach right now in Florida. Okay, that's not, but that's not what the universe has lined up for me. Like, I can't just be like, all right, I'm gonna move to Florida and I'm gonna live on a beach and I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna do that. It's not that simple.

NALEE 20:54

Okay, it's a good thing you said that. Because what I what like the whole thing, what I'm trying to say was I thought it was like linear. I thought it was just, oh, I'm letting everything happen, play out its own card, not do anything about it. But you're absolutely right. It's two both of those combined. You could leave it up to God, but you also have to be true. Right. You have to lead yourself up to water and you have to drink the water. You are the horse leading yourself to the water, you are taking the water. Exactly.

ANTHONY 21:21

Like, yeah, and and for those people that are like, Jesus, take the wheel, that's not literally a matter of, you know, driving down I-94 without your hands and just being like, all right, Jesus, get me there safely.

NALEE 21:36

Well, technically you can with a Tesla and steering it to wheel assist.

ANTHONY 21:39

I don't do Teslas. I don't do Teslas. No, thank you. No, but I'm just saying that's a hard pass.

NALEE 21:44

I'm just saying, technically, technically, there's that. But steering wheel assist could do that too without a Tesla. So, but yeah. Well, kind of, not really.

ANTHONY 21:55

You still have to like no, I see yes, I see what you're saying. But no, I think it's just a matter of okay, I'm going back to like the lottery ticket thing. So you have the option to have them pick your lottery ticket. You have the option to fill out the numbers that you want for the lottery ticket. Yeah, it's just little things like that that you are in control of the decisions. But it's a matter of a higher power and higher being in within the universe that's going to win the. Time is right, elect for or choose for you to have that person at that quick trip get the numbers automatedly picked, and those are the numbers that are gonna be picked for you. Or okay, I'm and again, it goes back to the butterfly effect. Okay, so maybe I'm gonna go to Quick Trip, and instead of having them pick my numbers, I'm gonna pick my numbers. I'm gonna be in control of it. I'm gonna pick my birthday, I'm gonna pick your birthday, I'm gonna pick my grandma's birthday, I'm gonna pick, you know, all these important dates to me. And then if it's my time, everything happens for a reason. It's the universe that's gonna say, yes, these are the numbers that they're going to win the million dollars. Or again, everything happens for a reason. It's not my time. So it's a matter of are you looking at everything happens for a reason as only for the positive outcomes or the outcomes that you want? Or is it everything happens for a reason, meaning now I'm gonna go back to like U and B. Everything happens for a reason. It didn't work out. Yes, at the time when you were with him, you thought this was your forever, this was your future. But who's to say? Everything happens for a reason. Yes, it didn't end up the way that you wanted. Yes, it ended up with you know your separation, but maybe that's leading you to somebody better who actually is going to be. We don't know. We don't know that.

NALEE 23:55

You know what actually And that goes back to like one of our previous things. It led me to me. So it did. Actually, it did. Yeah.

ANTHONY 24:04

Yeah. I mean, you're you're on you're in your whole new era. We I've said it before, you're in a whole new era of your yourself. Yeah. Like you have changed, you have changed so much in the time since all of this has happened. For the best.

NALEE 24:18

I think so. I feel like I've been the same.

ANTHONY 24:20

Hell no. You are not. I mean, a couple things you're doing. I'm like, all right, baby girl, you need to pump the brakes. But you live and you learn, and like you're a you're more competent now than you were back then. Not that you weren't, not that you weren't you weren't not confident before, but now you're just I'm just fishing your compliments at this point.

NALEE 24:42

Tell me more. Tell me more.

ANTHONY 24:44

You have honestly though, you have like a whole new level of self-worth for yourself.

NALEE 24:49

Yeah.

ANTHONY 24:49

And it's very apparent and visible to anybody who knows you.

NALEE 24:53

Thank you.

ANTHONY 24:53

Yeah, you're welcome.

NALEE 24:55

Everything happens for a reason.

ANTHONY 24:58

Everything happens for a reason, whether it's good or bad. It's all leading you to something, again, the butterfly effect.

NALEE 25:05

It's leading me to water. It's leading me to look at my reflection in the water, and I'm just fatty. I'm just a fatty horse. Do do baby horses have a name? Caps, right? Or is that a cow?

ANTHONY 25:16

That's a cow. I think it's foul or full, foul. Foul.

NALEE 25:21

All right. Well, do you have anything else to add to this?

ANTHONY 25:23

Just that I believe that everything happens for a reason, good or bad, and it's just a matter of, like I said, letting the dust settle. And again, I'm just gonna go back to you and your situation. In the thick of things, in the very beginning of things, you couldn't see things clearly. You were just like, he's a fucking asshole, he's a piece of shit, and he and this and that. And I not say that.

NALEE 25:45

I just no, you didn't.

SPEAKER_02 25:46

No, you didn't say it.

NALEE 25:47

I did not say that. I was the opposite. I was like, nah, it's fine, it's gonna work out. We good. Boy, was I in for a fucking whirlwind.

ANTHONY 25:56

Okay, that was a bad example. But I'm just saying, you have to let the dust settle because in the thick of things.

NALEE 26:02

No, I was delusional. Low-key, I was delusional.

ANTHONY 26:04

You're gonna be delusional.

NALEE 26:05

Yeah.

ANTHONY 26:06

But everything does happen for a reason.

NALEE 26:08

Yeah, I guess so. I know. I was just being devil's advocate, like usual. I do believe things happen for a reason, but then like usual, bitch.

ANTHONY 26:17

I'm the one that's devil's advocate.

NALEE 26:20

Tables have turned. You've taught me better. But I believe everything happens for a reason within your own limits. Like you, you make your own destiny in conjunction with what is supposed to actually happen. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Damn. Look at you giving me a life l life lesson. Okay.

ANTHONY 26:39

Because if it if it if it truly was a matter of I make my own destiny, let's go back to that little line that you said about, you know, in your tombstone, there's that little dash, make that dash worth it.

NALEE 26:49

Yeah.

ANTHONY 26:50

If I was in charge of my own destiny, it would say June 1987, and there ain't gonna be no date here because I'm gonna live forever.

NALEE 26:59

We go fight you that mortality pill. Don't worry.

ANTHONY 27:02

Please, please fucking do. If I gotta inject myself, if I gotta dr make uh some nasty ass smoothie every g every day, okay.

NALEE 27:13

But I I will okay. Now that I now that we're I'm just gonna add a really quick thing. I still believe though that you make your own destiny. I think you still can make your own destiny. I believe that you could still live on that beachfront property in Florida.

ANTHONY 27:26

I believe that we contribute to making our own destiny.

NALEE 27:29

Yes. Okay, yeah, that's a better way of saying it. Okay, that's it. Okay, we contribute to making our own destiny.

ANTHONY 27:35

I'm I'm not over here by any means being like, I want this, this, this, and this, and this, and this and this, and I'm not gonna do anything to get those. I'm gonna contribute, I'm gonna do what I need to do. I'm gonna work, I'm gonna save up my money, I'm gonna put in a invest in a 401k, and I'm gonna work towards those things that I want in life.

NALEE 27:56

Yeah. You're right. You're right.

ANTHONY 27:57

I'm always right, bitch.

NALEE 27:59

All right, sorry, bitch.

ANTHONY 28:00

Just get it.

NALEE 28:01

Okay, betneck lady. What was your topic?

ANTHONY 28:08

I I just can't get over that that gif of that that woman where she's just like Yeah, yeah.

NALEE 28:13

I fucking love that gift.

ANTHONY 28:14

Favorite one to use.

NALEE 28:15

Uh you want to insert a gif into like the maybe. Okay.

ANTHONY 28:19

Well, if you can, I'll just shoot it on your screen.

NALEE 28:22

Yeah. Yeah.

ANTHONY 28:23

Right over my screen.

NALEE 28:25

Yeah.

ANTHONY 28:27

Well, my topic was journaling trends. Okay. And this kind of adds to the ver the illusion of or the delulu. There are so many journals out

Journaling Trends And The 369 Method

ANTHONY 28:39

there and so many different things. And I you maybe you saw these, because I know that we had previously talked about like you were kind of going through like your self-healing journey, and you were like, you were kind of going down that rabbit hole of TikTok. Yeah. I too have gone down that rabbit hole one point of TikTok and and self-healing and learning about myself and doing this than that. And I don't know about you, but my algorithm did provide me with a lot of like journals and you know, because TikTok is a big fucking like infomercial. Like every other TikTok now is like a you can buy this and blah blah blah.

NALEE 29:19

If you click one shopping cart, blah blah it's on 20% sale, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

ANTHONY 29:26

Yeah.

NALEE 29:26

Yeah.

ANTHONY 29:27

But I got a lot of like journals and self-help books when I was going through that phase. It I'm just gonna say it. I do, even though I do think it's delusional, I do think that part of it does help. I specifically bought, I did buy two journals.

NALEE 29:47

Nice.

ANTHONY 29:48

One of one of them I gave up on because it was like things that I was like, I don't want to talk about this sort of stuff. It was, it was very like, oh, we're gonna talk about your childhood, then we're gonna talk about like money, and then we're gonna talk about your career. And like, I just wanted a little bit more random. But the second one that I bought, and it wasn't necessarily, I guess, a journal that I would describe, but it was what was it called? It was like 369, project 369 or something like that.

NALEE 30:19

Okay.

ANTHONY 30:20

And it was basically like writing out things that you wanted and desires that you had like three times over, and then you would escalate it, and then you would write it six times over, and then it escalated, and I think it was like nine times over, I think. And I did that for like almost a year.

NALEE 30:38

Oh.

ANTHONY 30:39

And again, maybe I'm just being delusional, but like I felt like I felt a shift and a change in me. And then when I stopped doing it, I could tell that I like regressed.

NALEE 30:51

Yeah.

ANTHONY 30:52

So I don't know. I feel I feel like some of the journaling trends, there is some truth to it. And then there are others that it's like, this is clearly just a this person wants to make $12.95 off of me. You know what I mean?

NALEE 31:04

Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever done any journaling or I mean I have in the past, but I think my thing is I'm more of, I think I've told you, like, I've done self-letters. Like I write letters to myself like every so often and like reflection letters. I've tried journaling, I have like dream journal, but and we've talked about that, but like as far as like journaling, just writing like my day and shit, like L NL, like I can't commit to that. Like, I have a really hard time committing to it. And also when I write it, I don't know what I'm gonna talk about. So my journal, like, excerpts or whatever is like three sentence. Like today, I went to the store and I did this. And I don't know how people write fucking pages of days and shit, but I'm like, I don't get that either. I slept, I ate, and nothing eventful happened. K bye, I love you, and that's it. You know what I mean?

ANTHONY 31:57

Okay, but let me ask you this. Do you think that as far as that goes, do you think that that's more of an issue with how you're approaching journaling? Because there's different ways to approach it.

SPEAKER_00 32:07

Yes, you can approach it and you can be like, Dear Diary, I woke up at 8 05, I had scrambled eggs and an English muffin for breakfast.

ANTHONY 32:59

But then there's also the the approach of, you know, maybe you were driving to go on a date with somebody and your mind started wandering. So you you journal about that. Like, oh, I really started thinking about like this today and go down that rabbit hole as far as like that's I have thought about it.

NALEE 33:25

Honestly, I kind of want to start like a a dating journal, like a journal of questions that I actually want to ask for like a more intentional like dating. Cause and this is probably not the same thing that you wanted to talk about, but I feel like I feel like I'm too lazy for that. That's all it comes down to. Too lazy for what? I have commitment issues at this point. I think I've been traumatized to where like I got commitment issues because I'm just like at this point, what is what is the point of this? What is the point of all this? Of what specifically writing. You know, like I don't know, just I'm going through I'm going through a lazy literally right now. I'm like going through a lazy phase. I can't, I don't know if I'm like depressed, I don't know what it is. Probably should go back to therapy. I stopped therapy for like a couple weeks, but I can't yeah, but like I don't know. I feel like I'm going through this like mental fog. I think that's the best way to say it. Like, I have no capacity for anybody other than myself right now. Like, and I know I don't think for taking the time to be with me today.

unknown 34:34

Yeah.

NALEE 34:37

This is a requirement. This is, it's not that it's a chore, but I love I love podcasting. I think that's probably one thing that I look forward to every week is that I get a CU, I get a talk, and

Mental Fog After Life Upheaval

NALEE 34:49

we just kind of talk shit. But I'm just talking about like in my personal life. Like I know, even like outside of the podcast, you know, I'm not really responsive right now. Like I don't, I barely text, I barely message, I barely like call and reach out. And I think I think I'm going through a mental fog because I think right now, and sorry, I'm like moving so much because like my legs are fucking sore from sitting on my bed. I look like I'm stupid. I look like I'm fucking doing it. On her bed, but I'm my only fan stage. But I don't know. I feel like I'm going I'm going through a mental fog where like I don't have a lot of mental capacity for anything other than sleep, work, sleep, some other stuff, and like oh you know, boo-boo, you know.

ANTHONY 35:42

But like what other stuff?

NALEE 35:44

Dick, duh. Just kidding.

ANTHONY 35:47

I just wanted you to say it.

NALEE 35:48

Just kidding. She ain't kidding. I'm just kidding. It's dry as a fucking desert over here.

ANTHONY 35:53

But anyways, like Yeah, the Atlantic Ocean desert.

NALEE 35:58

Stupid. No, but I feel like I'm going through a mental fog that I can't get out of. I think it's because it's it's because I'm I don't have any control of what's going on right now in my life where I feel like I've low-key kind of given up at doing things. I'm not gonna kill myself, not in that sense. Yeah.

ANTHONY 36:19

Okay, time out. Okay. So you just said you don't feel like you have any control.

NALEE 36:23

Yeah.

ANTHONY 36:24

Five minutes ago, you were saying that you're in control of your destiny.

NALEE 36:28

I know, of course. Like, again, I'm a hypocrite. I go against my words like two seconds later. Y'all already know me. But I'm just saying that, like, I get it. I like career-wise, I have control over that. Obviously. But what I'm talking about is mentally. Like, I that's what I'm talking about. Like, I right now I feel like I don't have mental control of what my mind is going through. Where like I think I went through a lot in a short amount of time where yes, I had time to process it. Yes, I had to move really fast through whatever happened, but I think I'm getting the aftermath of what really happened. And I think it's funny because all of this shit is like I'm delusional, okay? I was faking it till I made it. And I was, it's the thing of like, you it's what you said. Like, when you get to the make it part, what then? Wha how are you gonna deal with it? Like, you've been toughing it out, you've been making it through, you've been moving along, but now that you've moved along and now that you've you're at a spot where like everything's normal, but it's not what you want it to be. I think for me, it's very hard because I'm not I'm a to my own horn, but usually when I want something and and I get it done, when I put my mind to it, like it turns out exactly how I want it to. And I think it's not that I feel like a failure, because obviously it's not my fault, but I think with everything that's happened, it's it kind of make makes me I don't know how to say it, but it just makes me feel like, okay, where do I go from here? Like, how can I fix this without trying to fix it too much? And I think it's the pacing part of it where I'm not sure because this is new territory for me, and I have such a need for control where I'm just kind of like, okay, like what now? You know what I mean? Y'all, I just had a full-up mental breakdown.

ANTHONY 38:33

Like I guess Can I ask you? Are you specifically referring to the end of your marriage?

NALEE 38:42

No, not even that. I think it's just I think it's everything. I think it's I think it's hard to I think the best way to say it is that like I think living in Eau Claire, the marriage, having a house, having everything set where like everything was good and steady to complete fucking chaos, having to fucking move within weeks, being by myself, really like processing the whole divorce and everything that I've gone through. Obviously, therapy.

ANTHONY 39:16

And then now Okay, I'm gonna pause you. So you just said everything that you've gone through. Spa can you give me like can you provide me like specific examples? Do we have to do that? Not just tell me everything, but just like just one or two.

NALEE 39:28

Okay, look at you therapizing me.

ANTHONY 39:30

Well, okay, so yeah, I so I am therapizing you, and the reason that I'm asking you this is because I specifically asked you if you were referring to the end of your marriage, and you said no. You said that you think it is accumulation of everything. Yeah. But but everything that you're saying is because of the end of your marriage. You being by yourself, end of your marriage, you lose moving from Eau Claire because of the end of your marriage, you losing the house.

NALEE 39:59

The reason why I said the reason why I said Eau Claire is because I actually like Eau Claire. Like, if I had the chance to stay in Eau Claire, we've talked about this, I would have stayed in Eau Claire. And that has nothing to do with my marriage, that has nothing to do with B. That has nothing to do with anything. It's the fact that I'm not sure what's it?

ANTHONY 40:18

Okay, so tell me why couldn't you stay in Eau Claire?

NALEE 40:20

Bitch, because I can't afford it. Duh. I can't, yeah, that's it.

ANTHONY 40:23

What why couldn't what do you mean you money move?

NALEE 40:27

Hello.

ANTHONY 40:27

I'm like money move. Okay, no, true, fair, but, and I'm not, we don't have to talk about like all the specifics on the pod, obviously. And you don't have to tell me all the specifics. But I'm just gonna say, in my experience, I mean, and I don't know exactly what the comps are where you live currently, but from what I've seen, Minneapolis area is more expensive than Eau Claire area. So when you say money is or expenses are part of the issue, I okay. And granted, you have you technically now have a roommate, yeah, you could have also had a roommate here.

NALEE 41:09

I think it's more nuanced than that. I will agree with that. Okay. Yeah, I think it's more nuanced than that, like but yeah, but but uh what I'm just saying is obviously it's not just because the end of a marriage, I think it's because sorry, I'm not scratching my butt, it's my leg. She's scratching the vagina crab movement because it looks weird. But my ADHD is like kicking in so hard right now. But my self-diagnosed ADHD. But I don't know. I think it's just kind of everything. Like it's because I really liked Eau Claire. I built such a community. I think it's also leaving you guys. I think it's leaving like my friends. It's it's the fact that everything that happened there, I built it. I did it myself. I uh create, yeah, I created those friendships. And then to have to, it's kind of like my baby, to have to kind of abandon my baby and go somewhere else and then start all over, but not knowing what the fuck I'm doing. I guess it's technically creating a new baby, but at the same time, I think the difference is when I created my old baby, it's because there was joy in that. There was excitement, there was a sense of like direction. And I'm like, oh, like I'm creating this because like I saw a future, like I I was building towards something, but now it's not that I'm I'm not happy about it. Honestly, like I think moving here was it it was exactly as everything is supposed to happen for a reason. Like I think happens for a reason. Yeah, I think being back here, like you know, being close to family and stuff, like I'm happy, but I think mentally it's still catching up to like the physical. Like mentally, I'm still in Eau Claire, but physically I'm here in Minnesota. And I think that's what I'm having a hard time with. And I think I think like for me, because I've kind of it's not that I've been in isolation, but again, I'm like an extroverted introvert where like I am outgoing if I need to. I can strike up a conversation, but at the end of the day, I want to be alone. I want to be myself. I want to like be alone, you know? And so then I think being here, obviously it's not that my family's too much or anything like that. I think like they can be very like overwhelming because, you know, there's a lot of us, and you know, you guys think I'm loud, but like imagine like 10 of us, 10 of me's in one room. Like, yeah, and obviously.

ANTHONY 43:38

And your family's very close.

NALEE 43:40

Yeah, and I love my family. I have nothing against that, but I think it's I think it's just a lot of pressure that I don't necessarily need, but I put myself into that because I have like I have a need to please people, and that's also one of my issues too. And so then it's all it's a lot of stuff combined, but I think all in all, yes, you know, like I don't I don't know where this fucking came from. But anyway, anyways, yeah, but I think like my mental capacity right now is like very little, and I feel really bad because I feel like I'm neglecting my family and like even Pali, because like you know, like we've we live together, but like I barely see her, and I'm just honestly, it's not that I'm trying to distract myself, but I'm also trying to learn about myself too. And I think what my family doesn't realize is that in order for me to learn about myself, I can't be there for everybody. Like I have to like, I have to do things for myself, and as selfish as it sounds, like of course I'm close to family, but at the same time, they also have to and they do, they give me space, they understand that I'm going through s something that none of them has ever gone through. And I think my family has given me a lot of grace, and you know, I appreciate what they do for me, but like I think Yeah, I think I think I'm just I think everything is just kind of like out of whack for me right now. And that's it. Yeah. Damn. That took a fucking turn.

ANTHONY 45:18

So back to journaling. No, I'm just kidding. Um, no, I I'm gonna offer you some unsolicited advice.

NALEE 45:26

MSD, LSD, M S.

ANTHONY 45:28

MSD, L S W C D D W S, D S W D D C Everything. Yeah.

NALEE 45:36

Yeah.

ANTHONY 45:37

Again, just from what you've said, I really do think that a lot of it is stemming from the end of your marriage.

NALEE 45:46

Yeah, for sure.

ANTHONY 45:47

And I don't think that you, I don't want to say properly, I don't think that you fully took the time to evaluate, live, experience,

Processing Shame And Choosing Vulnerability

ANTHONY 46:00

think through everything that happened. Because everything for like as an outsider looking in from everything that you told me from the jump, from the get-go, like everything for you was very like whirlwind, like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. It was one thing after another. You never had time to come up for air to actually experience, to think about things, to to evaluate things in your head. And so now that it's said and done and the marriage is over, you're left with where do I go from here and what do I do? And so your brain is trying to develop a form of normalcy. And you're, and I'm not saying that any of it is bad, but I do, I would I would like to see you take the time to like really focus on some of those things. But like your brain is trying to find some form of normalcy, and normalcy for you is like, you know, you're you're jumping into the dating scene and you're you're reliving and trying to re-experience all these things that you didn't get to experience because you were married so young. Yeah. But you're not, you're not fully healed from, and I'm gonna say it from the trauma of everything that you went through. It really was I mean, it was trum it was trauma for me.

NALEE 47:26

No, it was traumatic in the marriage. No, it was it definitely was, I think.

ANTHONY 47:31

And then on top of everything with, you know, your family, your your mom, your dad, your sister, like you you and I had conversations. I I went through that with, you know, my uncle and then and then Richard's mom and then Richard and then the dogs, and like I was on the verge of a mental fucking breakdown.

NALEE 47:53

Yeah, we were definitely parallel to each other for sure.

ANTHONY 47:56

We were parallel to each other.

NALEE 47:58

Yeah.

ANTHONY 47:58

The only difference is I felt like I fucking let that shit out more, whether that was me bitching, whether that was me screaming, and maybe you did it behind closed doors, and I d and I just don't know about it.

NALEE 48:10

Yeah.

ANTHONY 48:11

But like, I just feel like from my experience with you, you just kind of kept everything in and you just kept moving and you were just on to the next thing.

NALEE 48:19

I will rebuttal you on that. I think please.

ANTHONY 48:22

Uh please do.

NALEE 48:23

Yeah, like, and I first of all, I do appreciate your advice, your unsolicited MDA LSD advice. Yeah. Yeah, I do appreciate that. I think in the time we're like, I don't know why we're like this has now become an episode of me breaking apart my fucking like mental breakdown. But I think in that time, and I'm sorry, listeners, like we're off topic at this point, but I think in that time, I think I've actually had a lot to process. I think a lot of people don't know this, but yeah, I think I had a lot of time by myself to reflect about what really happened. And I think that honestly is what made me be what made me be able. I think that's what made that's what allowed me to really move on from the whole situation. Cause I'm the type of p person, and this is like super Pisces or whatever, but I'm the type of person where like I will try up until the very end. And then at the very end, if I realize that, hey, like this isn't benefiting me or whatever, or this isn't like enough is enough, I'm gonna just walk the fuck out. Like I don't give a shit. Yeah, exactly. And so I think for me, like I do again, I'm not gonna toot my own horn, but I am. I think I'm emotionally intelligent enough to know that okay, like it's not that big a deal. Like it's not that serious. I'm not gonna fucking die over a fucking person. Like, there's bigger, better things for me. And I'm not, I'm not like I'm uh, I'm gonna try to sound as humble as I can, but the thing is that like nobody ever died from fucking heartbreak. Like, nobody ever fucking died from a man doing certain things to them, or like, yes, there's trauma involved, but the thing is that you can rebuild that trust with you, even if it's not with that another person. And I'm not saying this because I want to like I'm in denial or whatever, but I think that I truly processed everything that happened on my own because I wanted to process it on my own. I try not to be emotionally reliant on other people and emotionally like and take advice from other people because I want to process my own emotions on my own. And like I said before, there's a reason why I did it myself. I don't need a third-party advice. I don't need other people's opinions because at the end of the day, I know that I'm the one who has to deal with it. I know I'm the one sleeping by myself, processing it in my head. So I will say that I think I've had enough time. I think a lot of people are may think that, oh, like maybe you're going into the dating scene too soon, whatever, but and maybe I am. But I think at the end of the day, what people don't realize is is that like you don't have to be ready to go back into the dating scene. I think while you're going, while you're moving from a relationship or a an end of a relationship, and once you've processed it, it's not it's not bad for you to go out there and try to find like reconnections and stuff. Obviously, don't like fucking commit yourself like right away, but you know, you want to build genuine connections. And I think this time around, I am doing it intentionally. I think I've learned a lot from like my relationships. And again, I don't have like any ill will for like people I've been in the past because I know I hold a lot of I I have to take responsibility and accountability for being part of that relationship too. It's it's two who plays a part, not just one, you know? And I think I've learned a lot from my past relationships where going forward I want to be a little bit more intentional. And that's where I'm gonna come 180, where when it comes to journaling, that's what I want to do is journaling intentional ways on things that I want, things that I want in a relationship, questions that I should be asking, and patterns that I should be taking look, uh taking a look at when it comes to people that I'm talking to and spending time and I'm delegating my time to. Yeah. And energy, yes, for sure. Because I think when it comes to journaling, I think it does help in ways where like you jot down whatever, and then when you go back and reflect, I think it helps a lot on the reflection part of it. But for me, I think it's tough for me because honestly, I'm just like I'm just lazy and I forget really easily. And I think that's my thing where like I need to honestly, like my life isn't really that and shambles that much. I think I'm I'm a I have a pretty good head on my shoulders, to be honest. Again, trying to be humble here.

ANTHONY 52:54

But you do have a very pretty head.

NALEE 52:57

I do. But humble much. But I think that I think it really helps that, you know, again, I have such a good community. I have you, I have other people that I've been able to rely on. And again, it comes back down to having people who are just as delusional as you are, because it's the blind lead of the blind out here. Like, as long as I have somebody, yeah, as long as I have somebody to like validate my feelings or put me in check, like how you do sometimes. I think that's really all I need. And again, one thing that I've said before is yes, I think the whole my whole marriage or whatever, I think at one point I did feel like very shameful, but I've come to realize nobody ever fucking died of shame. Like, why are people so scared to feel shame or whatever? And I think that's that's part of vulnerability. And like I said before, vulnerability is like one of the biggest superpowers out there. Like to be vulnerable is very hard. And I think if you're able to uh be vulnerable with people, I think that's already a green flag in itself, you know. But journaling in itself is just you trying to be vulnerable to yourself, and also I think for me, it's because that's something I've been avoiding, is like kind of coming it to terms with it's not that I'm avoiding it. Obviously, I've processed it. And I think for me, when I know that I'm over something is that I could talk about it without crying, because I'm a very emotional person. And you know this, like you remember like in the very beginning, like when I told you about this stuff, like I I like instantly cried, like you know, like I can get through a sentence without fucking crying. But then like for me, if I talk about it more, and that's just how I I I like I guess cope or I like what is it? What is it what I'm looking for? That's how I process my my emotion or whatever, you know? And so then when I'm able to confidently talk about it without like feeling emotional, that's my indication that okay, like you're safe now, like you're good, like you don't have to worry about it. And yes, the feeling is still there, but it's not as bad as it used to be. And that's my way of showing that I've put in the work, I've done the work, I've talked about it enough. And I think talking about it, I think people feel like, oh, like I don't want to like, I don't want to share what I've gone through because that's shameful. Like, oh, like you've gone through this, and like you're oh, like you, you've gone through like so many marriages, whatever. I don't give a fuck what people think. I think again, it comes to like you, you haven't walked in my shoes, you don't know what I've gone through, and you're just assuming stuff. And I think people are afraid of that, but I'm not like I'm not scared of to tell people that, oh yeah, like this is what happened, because at the end of the day, that's who I am. Like, I've walked through fire and I've I've come out of it. Like, why would I why should I be scared to share that? Or why should I be scared to talk about it? But there's a difference between talking to it with the right people who will embrace you compared to when you talking to the wrong people and they use that against you. You know what I mean? Right. Yeah. But all in all, journaling trends do it.

ANTHONY 56:22

Journaling trends do it. I did want to just say, just for clarification and just for the record, I at no point like want you to think that I was being like, oh, she's already jumping in the dating world. Like, what is she doing?

NALEE 56:38

Like you do, you know. I think you're I think you're the least person who would who would judge me for that. I already know that. You were like, I love this for you. Like, I you know, and that's exactly that's all I need.

SPEAKER_02 56:49

Like, again, the support the dating scene, yes, the OnlyFans, the hoeing scene.

NALEE 56:56

Maybe. I did, I don't have an On First of all, let's clarify I don't have an OnlyFans. First of all, bitch, don't be spreading rumors about me.

ANTHONY 57:04

I'll put the link in the comments.

NALEE 57:05

I don't have an OnlyFans because if I had an OnlyFans, I'd be having fake boobs and my whole body done. And clearly, none of that shit has happened. So I don't have an OnlyFans, just putting it out there. Y'all who's been looking forward to it, DM DM us so I know how many people actually want an OnlyFan, and then we'll talk, okay?

ANTHONY 57:22

Then we'll talk. Don't don't never mind, I'm not gonna say that.

NALEE 57:28

Say it. Say it.

ANTHONY 57:29

No, because I can't I can't remember her name.

NALEE 57:31

The girl with uh a thousand body count?

ANTHONY 57:34

Yes, in like 24 hours.

NALEE 57:36

Yeah, bitch, that ain't that ain't a flex.

ANTHONY 57:38

Don't do that. Get checked up, baby girl. That's checked up. Yeah.

NALEE 57:43

No, get checked up, please. But okay, yeah.

ANTHONY 57:45

I mean, as long as you're you're good with everything.

NALEE 57:49

Dick responsibly, okay? Dick responsibly.

ANTHONY 57:52

Yes, dick responsibly.

NALEE 57:54

Pam pen day, y'all can't do that shit. I started it first.

unknown 57:58

Oh my god.

NALEE 57:59

Oh my god. Um, just kidding. Not really, but yeah.

ANTHONY 58:03

Yeah. As long as you're okay.

NALEE 58:05

Yeah, I'm good. Y'all could see, I'm fine.

ANTHONY 58:07

You know, I'm not afraid to call you out on your bullshit.

NALEE 58:12

You guys, I love it when people call me out of my shit. I love to be proven wrong. And that's all the time. But still, I still love it.

ANTHONY 58:22

No, I just thought, again, as an outsider looking in, it was just there was a lot. Obviously, I didn't see everything. So I just want to make sure that everything. But I will say I I am gonna stand by my comment that I think a lot of it is stemming from, you know, the end of it.

NALEE 58:40

Yeah, I mean, yeah, there is there is some truth to that. I agree. Uh obviously, because again, it was like a really big it was half my life. So it it should be, it should be part of what I'm going through. But at the same time, like I'm not I'm not the type of person to let that define me. And everybody knows that. So but I think like with everything that's happened, the reason why it's not that big a deal for me. It's not that it's not a big deal, but the reason why it's been easier for me to cope with it is because I think I've come to terms that like again at the end of the day, it's his loss. And that's that's it. So, I mean, yeah, you know, again, I don't I don't wish him ill will. I think he's still in again, I have a lot of love for him. I think he's still an amazing person. I think I don't wish him anything bad. Bitch, I saw that fucking eye roll. No, I'm honestly, I'm being truthful. Again, it comes back to the. No, I know you are. Like our other episodes, I think the way that I talk about him, I think a lot of people probably don't agree with like the things that I say where they're like, why do you still feel that way or whatever? I think people question that, but I think he'll always be a big part of my life, and I think I've learned a lot with him. And I think there's beauty in the I think there's beauty in the destruction. I think he's I hope that he's learned a lot from me. I think he's hoped he learned that like, you know, d there he has he has a lot of love. I think he felt undeserving of. And you know what? That's not my responsibility to teach him that. He should already know that. And his responsibility was to take care of me, to make me feel safe, but clearly like, you know, sometimes I think people they they hurt themselves more than they hurt other people, and I think that's just what it is, and it's okay. Like I again, yeah, I don't have I don't have any bad feelings or anything t ill towards him. I just I just really hope he finds happiness and I hope he ha finds happiness in in himself and I hope that the decision that he made is right for him. And yeah, I just hope that he's happy and that's it.

ANTHONY 1:01:43

Yeah, I agree with you. And I think this just goes back to again our previous conversation or debate of everything happens for a reason. It's really good or bad. Everything happens for a reason.

NALEE 1:01:55

Yeah. And we are all delusional. That was a bit yeah, that was our first, that was only our first segment. I know.

ANTHONY 1:02:05

Oh my god.

NALEE 1:02:06

All right. Do you have anything else to add to our journaling trends?

ANTHONY 1:02:10

I do not. Do you? Or shall we move on to our second segment?

NALEE 1:02:14

Yes. Let's move on to our second segment.

ANTHONY 1:02:16

All right. Our second segment is confidence or delusion. At what point does confidence become just a little concerning?

NALEE 1:02:24

Especially when your bank account disagrees, bitch. Oh no.

ANTHONY 1:02:28

That's me. That's that's why I'm not on a beach in Florida. Po right now.

NALEE 1:02:33

Like you say, because I'm Poe.

ANTHONY 1:02:35

I'm Poe.

NALEE 1:02:36

I'm Poe. That makes me laugh every time. It's so funny.

ANTHONY 1:02:41

I'm Poe. I'm Poe.

NALEE 1:02:43

What was your what was your topic that you wanted to talk about?

ANTHONY 1:02:46

Well, I feel like we kind of touched on this, but like career delusion versus ambition. Kind of. I don't know if I've actually addressed this on the podcast. But I have always had a concept in my mind of what my life was

Career Ambition Or Career Delusion

ANTHONY 1:03:08

going to be. I had my timeline out. I had what I was gonna do with my life, what my career was, what my, you know, what my ambitions were. And then it just seems like as I've gotten older, I just realized how just how delusional that is. Like I don't, I don't feel like there's a and maybe I'm wrong. I'm I'm I would be interested to know what the statistics are about this. Um, but I don't feel like it's a very high percentage of people who their ultimate dream, goal, career, life actually happens.

NALEE 1:03:44

Yeah.

ANTHONY 1:03:44

That's all I have to say. Yeah, I really don't I really don't have much to say other than like freeze.

NALEE 1:03:50

You are so still. I was like, whoa, what's going on? You didn't freeze, bitch. Stop trying. That was a really pretty face though. Um okay, yeah, I do agree. I think, yeah, I think we did touch base on this, but I think a lot of people they get into like the the motions where they're like, okay, I'm working towards this, I need to do this, and then like there's a certain point where like they end up like getting distracted and they stop and then they're like, is this even worth it anymore? But I think the big picture here, yeah, I think the big picture here is that like whether or not you have something to work towards or like you are trying to work towards something, it's just having to remember what the end goal is. Like, what are you working towards? What are you trying to get to? Like you have to see, you have to see where, like, you have to live in that moment of, okay, if I was already that person, what would I do? And change your habits and change things that you would do to be that person. You know what I mean? Like, if I wanted to be skinny, how would I, how can I live in a skinny body?

ANTHONY 1:04:56

Bulimia, anorexic.

NALEE 1:04:58

I was gonna say that I was literally gonna say that. Oh my god.

ANTHONY 1:05:02

I would I'm just kidding.

NALEE 1:05:04

I would never literally, I was gonna say that. I was like, exercise, bulimia, fucking anorexic. Oh my god, fucking dead.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:12

Tangents, period.

NALEE 1:05:14

Literally, I was thinking that. But on a serious note, guys, diet and exercise and some bulimia. I'm just kidding.

ANTHONY 1:05:23

Bulimia on the weekends.

NALEE 1:05:24

Yeah.

ANTHONY 1:05:25

Just kidding.

NALEE 1:05:26

When you're binge drinking. Um yeah, I think I think at the end of the day, even if it's not what you want, what I was meaning to say was I think you just have to be grateful for what you have and be grateful for what you've already done. Like be proud of yourself. Like live in those little moments and be proud of the little things that you did do.

ANTHONY 1:05:48

And I'm gonna speak for myself, and I'm sure that I'm gonna also be speaking for others. I feel like that's one of those things.

NALEE 1:05:55

That's fucking confidence. And I'm gonna be speaking for others, big.

ANTHONY 1:05:58

I'm sure that I'm speaking for others, but that's one of those things where it's like it's easier said than done.

NALEE 1:06:03

Yeah, go on.

ANTHONY 1:06:04

It I mean, it I mean, it seems so easy and so simple to show gratitude and be and be grateful for the life that you have and the things that you have, but I also feel at the same time, it's like we live in such a cultured society where there's consistent like comparison or there's consistent we want what we want, right?

NALEE 1:06:28

Yeah.

ANTHONY 1:06:28

And so when it's like I want to be the CEO, but it's not an actual reality. Yes, I am grateful that I have a house, that I have four walls around me, I have food on the table, I have loving friends, I have loving family, I have this, this, and this. But when I don't have the thing that I really want. Not that the things that I do have are any less value or less important. It's it's it's hard.

NALEE 1:06:55

Yeah.

ANTHONY 1:06:56

This is me being vulnerable right now, people.

NALEE 1:06:59

Do you think it's also the control?

ANTHONY 1:07:00

What do you mean? In what sense?

NALEE 1:07:02

Like because you want that.

ANTHONY 1:07:05

Go ahead.

NALEE 1:07:06

Because you want that, and because you don't have control of getting that. Do you think it's the c part of the control that's making you feel like I want that?

ANTHONY 1:07:14

No.

NALEE 1:07:15

Or do you feel like, and this is just me asking questions, but do you feel like it could be part of you feeling like what?

ANTHONY 1:07:21

You're therapizing me right now.

NALEE 1:07:26

Yeah, you did some really good therapizing, not gonna lie. Um you dig it, you dig it. Yeah. Good boy. I'm just kidding. Uh but like, do you think it could also be where, like, like what I said earlier, where you're not giving yourself enough brace where you feel like you're failing?

ANTHONY 1:07:42

Oh, 100%. 100%. I've been doing, okay. So if we're gonna if we're gonna truth tell. You said something to me a few episodes ago.

NALEE 1:07:52

Is that good or bad? I think it's good. Okay, I'm scared.

ANTHONY 1:07:56

I think it's good, but it it really made me think and it really made me be a little bit more introspective and look at myself, my actions, my it just made me look at myself a l a little bit deeper.

NALEE 1:08:13

Okay, what did I say to you?

ANTHONY 1:08:14

God, I knew you were gonna ask me that.

NALEE 1:08:16

It may help the listeners.

ANTHONY 1:08:18

I think it was something about my need or my want to be in control of things. And it made it made me think for the better. And so now there are certain times that you know things may happen or things may be said. I remember a conversation where I now I will pause and I will think of that conversation and I will kind of reevaluate or reassess my approach to my response to whatever it well may be. And then in addition to that, what you had said to me, Deja, I had a I was having a conversation with Deja, and she had also made a comment, not the same thing that you had said, but she had made a comment about I was talking to her about my uncle, about something, and she had made she asked me if I was if something my uncle was doing, and then something that I was saying, and she had just basically asked, did sh did he ask for your input or your like your opinion, or did he ask for your whatever?

NALEE 1:09:33

Yeah.

ANTHONY 1:09:34

And so then that, in conjunction with what you said, really made me think. So then I started thinking about these things and my approach and response to certain situations. And I forgot where I was going with this.

NALEE 1:09:47

Okay. That was me earlier.

ANTHONY 1:09:50

Yeah.

NALEE 1:09:51

Getting a lot of people.

ANTHONY 1:09:52

But it really just it yeah, it was it was therapizing. So it just it really just made me think. And your question was if it had to do with me being in control.

NALEE 1:10:05

Yeah.

ANTHONY 1:10:05

Right? I don't think that it's a matter of me being in control, but probably more so a lack of me being in control of certain things. And then with regards to, you know, my timeline and me having all of these expectations or things for my life and where I want to be. Oh, this is where I was going with this was the thing that you said and the thing that Deja said really made me start thinking a lot more and really thinking about like, why am I the way that I am or why am I doing things the way that I do. And I it's something that I'm still looking into and something that I'm still working on. But I think what I keep coming back to is I think that part of me sees the things that I want in life and the things that I saw for my life as some form of success

The Need To Feel Enough

ANTHONY 1:11:00

that would allow me to better be accepted. And I think growing up, I don't ever felt like I was accepted.

NALEE 1:11:10

Oh, I love that. I love that.

ANTHONY 1:11:13

And I think so. I think that that's what it is. And I think another part of it is wanting to feel like I'm enough. I don't ever feel like I am enough. And then since we're really therapizing and we're really like deep diving down into it. I think a lot of it stems from the fact of, and again, the listeners don't know the story, yeah, but I think a lot of it stems from my lack of relationship with my mother. Yeah. Yeah.

NALEE 1:11:41

Childhood wounds, yeah, for sure.

ANTHONY 1:11:43

Yeah. I wasn't good enough for her. And so I just really feel like you were good enough for her.

NALEE 1:11:49

I think it was just her.

ANTHONY 1:11:50

Well, again, like you just said, childhood wounds. You can't, yeah. If it were as simple as that, that would be great.

NALEE 1:11:57

But I think that that's That's the core of where it's at.

ANTHONY 1:12:00

I I think that that's I'm getting closer to the core, but I think that that's a big part of my need to be in control. If I'm in control, I can get the things that I want that will make me enough for others and there in turn be accepted or be just be enough.

NALEE 1:12:20

Yeah.

ANTHONY 1:12:20

So I never, and this is uh probably across all of my relationships, I don't know that I necessarily ever feel like I'm enough. I'm always relationship as far as like any, anything, everything and anything. Okay, relationship with my uncle, love relationship, relationship with friends, like any relationship. I don't ever feel like I'm enough. So I'm always trying to get to that next level. What can I do? One up myself.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:50

Wow.

ANTHONY 1:12:51

But it's like, and then and then it it's also like, what movie is it? Oh, legally blonde.

NALEE 1:12:56

Yeah.

ANTHONY 1:12:56

That moment where Elle Woods, she looks at him and she goes, I'm never gonna be enough for you. Am I?

NALEE 1:13:02

Yeah. Wow, that was a 360 moment. Well, first of all, I just wanted to comment. I'm very proud of you that you were able to get to that like process.

ANTHONY 1:13:12

Still working on it, but yes, thank you.

NALEE 1:13:14

Work in progress, baby. But I think that's amazing. And I will say, I think that's also why we get along very well. Because I think that's also my issue. I think I've done a lot of reflecting too, and I think like that's my need for attention. That's why we have this podcast. Because I want to prove to the fucking world that I'm enough. Yeah, exactly. Because it's the thing of like, we we've talked about this before. Like, I could say that you're enough. The world could say that you're enough, but if you don't think that you're enough, you'll never be enough. Exactly. You know what I mean? So I think that's also yeah, I think that's my issue. And I think that's why we are very much like alike because we're people pleasers. I think we feel very deeply emotionally for people. I think we do put off a tough act, but at the end of the day, we're just kind of like, we low-key get defeated easily. And I think that was also my core issue, too, where like, and like with what you said verbatim, I was like, bruh, that's me. That's me. That's me. For real. Yeah, but I think it's the it's my need to be accepted. I think it's also like, not that I had like a bad childhood or anything, but I think when we have like a big family, like when my parents have a lot of kids and they're all very young. I think, again, we've talked about it, but parents don't want to admit it, but they have favoritism. And one child gets less attention, and I think for me, and this is just my own set justification in looking at me already turning it around to me. But anyways, self-inventh bitch. No, but hold on. I just wanted to add one more thing again that I am very proud of you that you got to where that mental space. And I will say though, like, even if you'll never like believe it when you do come into terms with it, like honest to God, honest to Jesus.

ANTHONY 1:15:17

Honest to me.

NALEE 1:15:18

Yeah, honest to me and honest to you. You will always be enough for me, Anthony. You will be more than enough for me. I think honestly, no, I'm being like honest to God. I put my hand on the Bible and I talk to Jesus with my heart, but like I think of anybody that I've met, like I think the reason why I get along with you so well is not just because we have the same humor, but I think we have the same level of humanity. And I think not a lot of people share that in common. And I think whatever I can say about myself, I can say about you. Like you're kind, you're beautiful, you're nice, you're smart. But I'm just saying that like even if you don't feel enough, baby boy, you is you you will always be enough for me. You will always be more than enough. I think if I ever need yeah, if I ever need a self-reflection, I'd be looking my boo. Like, if he's great, I'm great. That's it, you know? If he's enough, I'm enough, you know. And I think again, I feel like we're always in sync and we've had a lot of growth together. But I think again that part. Yeah, I think that even though we have like different like experiences in childhood and stuff, I think it's all kind of like similar because again, now I'm gonna shift it over to me, but not that like my family, not that I've had like a bad dynamic, but what I was saying was I think when you have a big group of like when you have a lot of kids and y'all get busy and have a lot of kids, like other kids yeah, other kids get neglected. And I think obviously it's not I don't blame my parents or anything like that. I've already like forgiven them. And I think I've come to terms that like, you know, they're first generation and they were they were trying to fight for their lives, they were trying to make a living in a place that they don't know. And honestly, they're really resilient. And I'm very thankful for like all that they've given me. But I think at the end of the day, like when I was I think like when I was younger, I had a lot of issues with like feeling like I was the chosen one and stuff like that. And so then not that I was a chosen one. I meant like I was enough, is what I meant to say. That I was enough because I think I think we've talked about this before. I think I've talked about it before too, but I feel like I just felt like whatever I did, even if I went above and beyond, like I never got the praise for it. I never got the oh, I'm proud of you. I never got the wow, you did that, like you did a good job. Or, you know, I don't think I've ever gotten that from my parents. And I think, oh, okay. I just didn't get the validation that I needed from my parents. And I think I tried to find that elsewhere, and it's never fulfilled that like not that there's a void, but there's a void of me getting validated that hey, like you are enough, you did good, like I'm proud of you, you know? And I think we are the same person, we are the same person, literally. But I think for me, it's just that like again, anybody could say it to me, but I would not believe it. Like, we've already talked about it. I think my insecurity isn't the fact that I'm not cute or whatever. I think it's the fact that I feel like I'm not accepted for who I am. Because I do admit, y'all already know I'm a little weird. And like a little. Yeah, like I'm weird, I'm quirky and whatever, but I think it comes back down to like not being uh not feeling accepted for who I really am. And sometimes I I over-exaggerate or I be even a little bit weirder to kind of prove a point that hey, like I I'm even though I'm weird, even though I'm whatever, I accept myself for who I am. And it comes back down to what we were talking about of the faking till you make it. Like, even if I'm weird and quirky or whatever, I think at this point in life, what I've accepted is that I am gonna be weird for the rest of my life. And whether you like me or not, like that's on you, you know? And I think that's definitely helped with like my confidence, is that like again, it's the it's a three F's. Like, if you're not fucking me, if you're not financing me, or if you're not feeding me, like I your opinion does not matter to me. And I think that's helped me a lot with my mentality, even with like with family members. I think there's like a big taboo of like disrespecting your elders and stuff. But at the same time, if you're gonna disrespect me in my own place, just be prepared for shots to be fired, is all I'm saying. Because Exactly, you be just because I'm down in the dumps right now and like my life is in shambles or whatever, and your life is good, does not mean that your shit get turned around just like mine. You know what I mean? So it again, it's the being humble, being grateful for what you have, and bringing it back to our topic is that even if you're not where you want to be, like just be grateful for you have for what you have and what you have done. And even if nobody says that they're proud of you, I'm proud of you. You know, we're proud of you.

ANTHONY 1:20:21

Thank you.

NALEE 1:20:22

Yeah, you're an amazing person.

ANTHONY 1:20:24

Like it's ultimately as though it's still gonna be one of those things where it's like it's easier said than done. You know what I mean?

NALEE 1:20:29

Yeah, that's true. But I'm just gonna-be striving. But I'm just gonna add a little comment. I meant to say, like, I'm proud of you to like the listeners, but I'm proud of you too.

ANTHONY 1:20:44

There I was being all selfish and shit.

NALEE 1:20:47

No, no, no, no, but I'm proud of you too. Like, I'm honestly I'm proud of the both of us. I think we've we're like, I don't know, we're like 10, 11 days from our one-year mark. And you guys, we're like 14 listeners from 2,500 downloads. Like, that's fucking insane. Like I don't know. I didn't think anybody would listen to us, you know? That's insane. Okay, I like 10 right now. We have we're at 10 listens, 10 downloads from hitting 2500 downloads. And I think within a year's time frame.

ANTHONY 1:21:19

Comment and share.

NALEE 1:21:21

Yes. If we're entertaining you guys, y'all.

ANTHONY 1:21:24

If you're learning anything from us.

NALEE 1:21:27

Yeah, or if you're not learning, or if you're annoyed of us, but you still come back every week, like share it, like, subscribe.

ANTHONY 1:21:34

And I'm just gonna say my little little spiel that I just had here. That was probably the most vulnerable thing that I've ever said on this podcast.

NALEE 1:21:43

No, I love that. And I felt it. I felt I felt that. Felt it. Yeah, I felt it.

ANTHONY 1:21:48

I was gonna cry.

NALEE 1:21:49

I gefilte felt it.

ANTHONY 1:21:51

Gefelte felt it. Is that German?

NALEE 1:21:53

Yeah, like gefiltefish, but I gefilte felt it. Yeah.

ANTHONY 1:21:57

Is that a real fish?

NALEE 1:21:58

Have you not seen Rush Hour 2? Gefilterfish?

ANTHONY 1:22:01

Maybe or rush hour? Back in like 90s. Was that the 90s?

NALEE 1:22:05

I don't even know. Maybe 2000s, early 2000s. But yeah. Yeah.

ANTHONY 1:22:11

I just to kind of random, but I was looking for something while you were talking.

NALEE 1:22:16

Yeah. I was rambling.

ANTHONY 1:22:17

While you were rambling. No, I'm yeah. So I came across this TikTok. I I feel like we've had this talk before where I'm like, every time I come across, like, I'm a cancer. Yeah. So every time I come across the cancer horoscope, I really do enjoy like reading them. And it's like more often than not, they're like spot on for me.

NALEE 1:22:35

Yeah. Same.

ANTHONY 1:22:36

So I just want to read this thing that I came across. I saved it because I was like, oh, this is kind of spot on. So it's it's called If Birth Dates Were Warnings.

NALEE 1:22:48

Okay.

ANTHONY 1:22:49

I came across it on TikTok. I'm gonna read mine and then I'm no, I'm gonna read yours first.

NALEE 1:22:54

Okay, okay, interesting.

ANTHONY 1:22:56

So you were born on the 15th, right? Okay. Yeah. Okay. So this is what it says for you. So your warning label is will love you more than themselves. That's not always healthy. Period. What what to expect?

Birth Date Warning Labels Hit Hard

ANTHONY 1:23:12

They'll take care of everyone. They'll remember the little things, they'll make you feel chosen in ways you didn't know you needed, but they'll forget to take care of themselves.

NALEE 1:23:22

Guilty.

ANTHONY 1:23:24

What they hide, they don't know who they are outside of being needed. They've made their whole identity about loving others and they're terrified of what's left if that's gone.

NALEE 1:23:34

Okay. Noted.

ANTHONY 1:23:35

What breaks them? Being used, giving everything and getting nothing, watching people leave after they've poured their whole heart in.

NALEE 1:23:46

What they need. Wait, it's on this side. Uh-huh.

ANTHONY 1:23:48

On your right side? Oh, it's this side. Okay. No, it's on your left side.

NALEE 1:23:52

One of the two.

ANTHONY 1:23:54

What they need. Someone who loves them back just as hard. Someone who doesn't just take but actually gives. Does that seem accurate for you?

NALEE 1:24:04

Not even.

ANTHONY 1:24:06

No?

NALEE 1:24:07

Not even, but a thousand percent. Yeah. No, I believe that. I think the only thing that's not true is the not knowing yourself. I feel like I know myself pretty well.

ANTHONY 1:24:16

Yeah, I feel like you know yourself pretty well, too.

NALEE 1:24:18

Yeah. I'm super self-centered, so I shouldn't know myself pretty well. Self-centered.

ANTHONY 1:24:23

You are not self-based.

NALEE 1:24:23

I think I am self-centered. Okay, let's read yours. That's cute. I like that.

ANTHONY 1:24:27

So mine was warning label. I don't need any commentary from the peanut gallery to begin, first of all, because I know that you have a lot to say.

NALEE 1:24:34

I'll save it until afterwards.

ANTHONY 1:24:36

Warning label lives in their head, will analyze you before you even speak. What to expect? What to expect. They see things no one else sees. They notice patterns, read between lines, pick up on what's unspoken, but they also disappear into their mind and forget to come back. Guilty. What they hide. They feel like outsiders everywhere they go. They've always been different and they've stopped trying to explain it. The loneliness runs deeper than they'll ever admit. What breaks them? Being misunderstood, feeling like no one really gets them, opening up and being met with blank stares. What they need. Someone who finds their depth interesting, not intimidating, someone who wants to understand, not fix. I felt that that was very like.

NALEE 1:25:33

Damn, that was on point.

ANTHONY 1:25:35

On point.

NALEE 1:25:36

No, that was on point for sure. I think the thing that stuck out for sure is like when you're in your mind, you kind of like get lost. That for sure, because I know you're an overthinker.

ANTHONY 1:25:44

1000%. I'm an overthinker on everything.

NALEE 1:25:48

And the thing that sticks out to me is the being being heard, not understood. That's a really big thing for you. Like you're not looking to get other people's opinion. You just need to make sure that people are listening to what you're saying. That for sure I agree with. Damn. Okay, shit. Damn. Was this a movie session?

ANTHONY 1:26:05

I was just gonna say, this isn't even like our episode.

NALEE 1:26:09

Hold on, actually. This whole thing just proved to us that we are delusional bitches because that's what the episode's about.

ANTHONY 1:26:17

Truth. That is true.

NALEE 1:26:19

Damn. Okay.

ANTHONY 1:26:21

Um, okay, anyway. I love that.

NALEE 1:26:23

That was good. That was good.

ANTHONY 1:26:24

That was good. This is a good conversation.

NALEE 1:26:26

That one.

ANTHONY 1:26:27

What did you have for this second segment?

NALEE 1:26:29

Okay. My last, my last segment was, or my last topic was I deserve this mindset. At first, I thought that I would want to talk about it like in a negative way, but I think we've been too in the the darkness. So I'm gonna kind of turn it the opposite way and turn it into I deserve this as in everything that you got that's good and that's coming your way is because you do deserve it. You deserve great things. I say this to my sisters a lot, like and to my friends or my girlfriends, and you know, I think I've said it to you guys or to you, but I think my biggest, like, my biggest hope is that you guys all know that you deserve nothing but the very fucking best. Because, you know, everybody that I have in my life, they're all very genuine, hardworking. And, you know, everybody, I

The Healthy Version Of I Deserve This

NALEE 1:27:23

feel like the reason why we bond really well is everybody has their own struggles. Like it's not just the simple, like, first world problems. Well, it kind of is first world problems, but at the same time, sometimes it's just, yeah, it's just like it's like mentally draining, mentally damaging like problems where like we we all rely on each other so much that I know that the people that I have in my life deserves way better than what they have. And I'm always saying that, like, you know, like sometimes it feels like you're undeserving of things. And because all these things happen to you, you feel like, oh, like, you know, all I all I get is a short end of the stick. But in turn of that, you deserve nothing but the best, and you're gonna get nothing but the best. You may not get it right now, but eventually it's coming. And I think at that moment where you get it, you deserve to say that I deserve this. One one thing is I'm manifesting this for my girl Kalia, but she, you know, I don't, she's she had like a really great like job opportunity, and she did an amazing job, and she called and told me about it. And I was like, yeah, girl, like it's not a maybe. You're gonna get this fucking job. Like, you deserve this. This is exactly what you've been waiting for. And again, I'm gonna manifest it for her that she's gonna get it. Cause she, she's a go-getter. And I think that's also all of us where like the people that I have in my life, like they're very ambitious and they're go-getters, and they're a lot like me. And I surround myself with people who motivate me, people who show me that hey, like a challenge is never something they're afraid of. And I think when you get certain things, especially like I think when you for you, Anthony, I think something that happened at work. I think you had like gotten an award or whatever, and you were kind of like, I don't know if like I forgot what it was. Was it like the, you know, like they did the shout-outs at work, and you're like, eh, like I don't really want to talk about it or whatever.

ANTHONY 1:29:24

I started my here or the further.

NALEE 1:29:26

Here.

ANTHONY 1:29:27

When I won the quarter to all.

NALEE 1:29:29

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And you're like, I don't know, like, I don't know what to write about myself or whatever. And I'm like, no, like you completely deserved it, and you know, like I think you, you are a great person. You you work really hard and you know your shit. You know what I mean? And was it that? There was something else. I swear, there was something else that you got, but you felt like you didn't deserve it or whatever. I don't remember. But it was something like that. But I think, oh, it's the Compliment that you were talking about that somebody had said, oh, like they complimented you at work and you felt a little uncomfortable. I don't know if you remember the conversation. Which time, bitch. I don't know. You said you were in a meeting and somebody said something about you and then they were talking about you. Like, well, I didn't deserve that, whatever. But I think it comes back down to that where like I think at the moment you feel like you didn't deserve it, but in hindsight, like, you know, you built that up for yourself. You know what I mean?

ANTHONY 1:30:26

Yeah, I don't like this is gonna sound I don't know how this I feel like this could be taken multiple ways. I'm just gonna say this. I don't think that I ever felt like I didn't deserve it. I just don't like I don't like for it to become a thing. You know what I mean?

NALEE 1:30:41

I guess, yeah. I'm the opposite. If I deserve it, I want it to become a thing.

ANTHONY 1:30:45

Yeah, I don't want it to become a thing. Like I I would mu I would I would be a lot happier with just like a great job on that report, Anthony. Like I don't I I would rather have great job on that report, Anthony, versus everybody congratulate Anthony. He did this and he ran, he did this report and it was, you know, zero per zero errors or whatever, like whatever. Yeah. Like don't make a thing out of it. Just congratulations, you did a great job and move on with your day. I'm too, I yeah, I don't I don't want the attention.

NALEE 1:31:13

Interesting. Now I'm gonna purposely give you all the attention. I don't want all the attention, but I have a podcast. Bitch.

ANTHONY 1:31:21

True. True.

NALEE 1:31:23

But I think it's situational, I guess. At work, I understand that. We're like, it's kind of like it's professional. Like you don't want to be like, look at me, whatever. But yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I can't relate because I like it when people praise me at work.

ANTHONY 1:31:39

You get praised at work all the time.

NALEE 1:31:41

Do I?

ANTHONY 1:31:42

Courtney has a lot to say about you.

NALEE 1:31:43

Oh, I know Courtney loves me. But that's because we'll see if she still loves you after you visit her. Yeah, that's true. Oh, first of all, bitch, I done heard about that conversation.

ANTHONY 1:31:54

I was just gonna say something.

NALEE 1:31:56

I was gonna talk to you about that. I was gonna talk to you about that, but we're gonna bring it on the podcast right now.

SPEAKER_02 1:32:00

Here we go.

NALEE 1:32:02

I will say though, I did give you a compliment. I said, Anthony, other than other than my sisters, I think you probably know me the best because obviously we've like, we've traveled together and like we know each other really well. And I was like, yeah, I mean, low-key, I'm kind of proud of him because he's right. Like he's right. She was like listing everything. She was nesting everything down. I was like, first of all, y'all bitches betraying me, talking behind my back. And then she's like, well, Anthony gave me like a little like I what does she say? She gave he gave me a little advice. Advice or like unsolicited advice about like how to deal with Nali 101 when she's traveling or whatever. And I'm like, okay, tell me more. And then she's like, Yeah, well,

Time Blindness And Travel Survival Rules

NALEE 1:32:45

she was saying that like none of it was a lie, it's all true. When you when you leave, just leave. Don't ever linger. Because if she don't if you linger, she will go back and change. And I'm like, he's okay, right. He's like, yes, I will go back and change. Yeah. And the fact that I will bring three luggages is exactly true because I did already pay for three luggages. Yeah. And then what else?

ANTHONY 1:33:08

Keep it coming. So far, I've been right. I've been right.

NALEE 1:33:11

Yeah, you've been right. You've been right. Oh, and she was like, you will leave little trinkets around. That's wrong. I'm very thorough with my stuff. I will not leave anything. Leave a fucking bra, bitch. My bra's huge. I will not fucking not see that. No. I was like, the audacity. But that's the only thing that you got wrong.

ANTHONY 1:33:29

My favorite thing that I told her was I said, if you have reservations at 7 30, oh yeah.

NALEE 1:33:35

Yeah, yeah. Tell Nolly at the time. Until I said that's 6 30. I'm like, you ain't she ain't wrong. He ain't wrong. No. No. I don't, you guys, I think I am like, I'm like time dyslexic. Like, I don't know how to do that. No, there's a word for that.

ANTHONY 1:33:51

We learned we learned about this at the further. It's called time blindness.

NALEE 1:33:55

Is it?

ANTHONY 1:33:56

Yeah. Okay. Look it up. Apparently it's a real fucking thing.

NALEE 1:33:59

But apparently I have time blindness because like I don't know. Even when I like, even when like I prepare like hours ahead, I don't know how. I think it's because like I'm those type of people when I'm getting ready and then like I hear a really thumping song and I'm like, mm-hmm, you know. But I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what it is. I have such issues when it comes to time. But yes, you did give her very, very valid points. Yeah. Low key or actually high key. Or actually, I don't know. I was impressed. That's all I gotta say. Yep. Yeah.

ANTHONY 1:35:23

Thank you. See, look at me.

NALEE 1:35:24

Well done. Well done. You have passed Nali, knowing Nolly 101. You have passed speaking Nolly. You have passed knowing Nali's traveling issues and yeah, her time blindness.

ANTHONY 1:35:36

Can did you look it up?

NALEE 1:35:37

Yeah, I did.

ANTHONY 1:35:38

Okay, well, I looked it up as well. And I'm just gonna because now I'm on a now we're gonna side tangent here because I'm now I'm on I'm gonna get on my soapbox now.

NALEE 1:35:47

This whole this should be this episode should be called We Think We're Delusional, but we do nothing but side tangent.

ANTHONY 1:35:53

Side tangent. Um, so listeners don't need to know exactly where I worked, where we worked. I'm just gonna call it the further.

NALEE 1:36:01

Okay. I mean, we've been calling it the further.

ANTHONY 1:36:03

We've been calling it the further. Nobody talks about shit about me. No, no, this has nothing to do with you. Okay. Well, I mean, it has a little bit to do with you, but it's not directed at you. Okay. So when we were working at the further, I was introduced to the term time blindness. And let me tell you, if you could hear an eye roll, when I found out what time blindness was, I performed the eye roll heard around the fucking world. So time blindness, ladies and gentlemen, is difficulty accurately sensing or managing the passage of time. People with time blindness often know what time it is on the clock, but their brain has trouble feeling how much time has passed or estimating how long something will take. That can make time feel slippery, either like it disappears or drags. Common examples, and this is probably the one most applicable to my lovely co-host here.

SPEAKER_02 1:37:09

I'll leave in five minutes.

ANTHONY 1:37:13

Then 30 minutes pass.

NALEE 1:37:16

Bitch, you said that I would you said that I would say I'm leaving my house and show up in 45 minutes. That's all fucking lie. It's actually 30.

ANTHONY 1:37:25

That is not true because you were coming over. It was either two or three years ago, you were coming over on my birthday, you wanted to give me my birthday present, and we were waiting to go out to eat, and we had reservations, and you were like, I'll be there in 15 minutes. 45 fucking minutes later, I'm just getting to River Prairie. I'll be there in five minutes. 15 minutes later.

NALEE 1:37:52

Honkity honk honk honk honk. Yeah.

ANTHONY 1:37:54

That is a hundred percent fact.

NALEE 1:37:56

Yeah, actually, I can't rebuttal that, you're right.

ANTHONY 1:37:59

Another common example. Feeling like a task will take a second, then it takes 45 minutes. Constantly running late, even when trying hard not to. Let me tell y'all, listeners. That's me right there. We uh used to go on wellness walks.

NALEE 1:38:15

Bitch.

ANTHONY 1:38:16

And we had to clock out for said wellness walks. And so we had a text and we'd say, All right, let's meet out front at two o'clock without fail. Every single fucking time.

NALEE 1:38:30

Y'all should just keep five minutes late. That should have that would have fixed the problem.

ANTHONY 1:38:34

202, Nolly would come walking out and show up and make her presence known. Every single time. Every single time. So we bought her a book on how to tell time with cute little clock on it, and you could like move the hands.

NALEE 1:38:48

These bitches.

ANTHONY 1:38:49

I think you still have the book, don't you?

NALEE 1:38:51

I did, but I donated it the other day, like when I moved, because I'm like, somebody else could use this wonderful book of time.

ANTHONY 1:38:59

Yeah, you.

NALEE 1:39:04

Yeah, it didn't work for me. Could it be me?

ANTHONY 1:39:07

Could it be me? Anyway, long story short, time blindness is the biggest eye roll heard around the world with me because I there there's absolutely no excuse. Look at it's 520 right now, and in five minutes, it'll say 525. It's called o'clock, people.

NALEE 1:39:22

But my issue is even now, like I said, even on my date, I'm still fucking late, and I try to plan ahead. I don't know.

ANTHONY 1:39:30

Time blindness. It's a real thing. But you know what? It's a real disorder. I was just on my soapbox. Sorry, people.

NALEE 1:39:36

No, it's okay. But you know what? I will have to say my only rebuttal rebuttal to that is Here we go. A queen is never late. Everybody's just simply early. So it's okay. For fuck's sake. Fuck. You know what? You can't for say for fuck's sake because you used it. If you haven't utilized it, you could use it against me, but you don't used it already. So you have no say in this.

ANTHONY 1:40:01

That's that's true. However, I would I my argument to that is the time that I used it, I never agreed to be there at a certain time. So for me to not agree to be there at a certain time and then to be told that I'm late, I can't be late if I never said I was gonna be there at a certain time.

NALEE 1:40:21

So That's true. That's true. But still, in the movie, they had a time and she was late, and a queen is never late. Sh everybody's just simply early.

SPEAKER_06 1:40:29

That's true.

NALEE 1:40:30

So And the thing is that the the thing is. Here's the thing. Yeah, the thing is, here's the thing. I may be late, but I always show up. That's the thing. That's true. I may be late, but I will always show up compared to people who will always say that they're gonna show up and they end up canceling. And then they don't show up. Right. Exactly. I will for me, I will probably I will never flake. Like if I say that I'm gonna come, I'm gonna I'm gonna show up. I may be late. Mind you, I'm gonna look fucking cute, but I will always be there.

ANTHONY 1:40:57

She'll be like, I'm in the car, I'm 20 minutes away. And then you text her 20 minutes later and she's like, I had to turn around, I had to change my outfit.

NALEE 1:41:05

It was Yeah, I think I did that once. We went to Mona Lisa. Like the first time we went to Mona Lisa, I think. Wait, no, no, Mona Lisa.

ANTHONY 1:41:14

Yeah, because we were waiting for you. No, was it Mona Lisa? Stella Blues. Cella blues.

NALEE 1:41:18

Stella Blues. Yeah, and it was like five minutes away from where I lived.

ANTHONY 1:41:21

Yeah.

NALEE 1:41:22

I was like, I had to go change.

ANTHONY 1:41:23

Yeah, because me and Melissa were talking. We're like, where the hell is this bitch at?

NALEE 1:41:26

Yeah. You know what? It's okay. As long as I pulled up. But anyways, do you have anything else to add to this?

ANTHONY 1:41:35

I like the I deserve this mindset, and I like the positive spin. And I think we all need to more, we all need to do more of that and really tell ourselves we deserve we deserve all of the things.

NALEE 1:41:49

Exactly. We do.

ANTHONY 1:41:50

And even on the days that it's hard, it's we're all a work in progress. Take it day by day.

NALEE 1:41:56

Exactly. We are still building our foundations for ourselves, even at 40, even at 35, 33, 12, 30.

ANTHONY 1:42:03

If my foundation ain't built by the time I'm 40, I'm fucked.

NALEE 1:42:08

No. That's you trying to control again. Stop adding a timeline to things. I think that's the thing. Affrey, I was gonna add that.

ANTHONY 1:42:14

Okay. I yep.

NALEE 1:42:15

That's the thing I was gonna say. I think the reason why you feel like you're losing control is because you keep adding timeline to things. You have to realize when you stop adding timeline to things, you you you lose the sense of needing to control that. And I think that's your not that that's your issue, but that's the problem that you run into.

ANTHONY 1:42:35

I 100% agree with you. But my rebuttal to that is gonna be, okay, so if I don't add a timeline, what good is it if I'm going to finally? And obviously this isn't really what I want, but like let's just say, like buying a house. What good is finally buying a house gonna do me if I don't buy a house until I'm 89 years old and I die the next day? That's why a timeline is so important, because I'm not gonna live forever. None of us are gonna live forever. And yes, it it is it is great in theory that you can start over at 30, you can start over at 40, you can start over at 50, you can start over at 60. That is a great thing, but if the things that I want can't serve me past a certain age, I have to have a timeline on it.

NALEE 1:43:27

Okay. I'm gonna take a dark spin to this. It was funny in my head, but I will I will I will voice it to see if you laugh with me, okay? I'm gonna bring it 180. You are saying that what if at 89 you don't buy a house? What if at 45 you get into an accident and you call me upside down in your car and you broke your leg and you had to get a bionic leg and you can't afford a house. What then? What then?

unknown 1:44:11

Okay.

ANTHONY 1:44:11

It was funnier too.

NALEE 1:44:12

It was funnier in my head. It's funny.

ANTHONY 1:44:16

It's funny, but I can see how it would have been funnier in your head. Um so two things. The first thing is if I'm in an accident and I'm upside down in my car, I'm not gonna be calling you. I'll tell you that right now.

NALEE 1:44:28

Hypothetically.

ANTHONY 1:44:30

Secondly, if that situation were to happen, that's outside of my control. Like I there's nothing that I can do about that. Then my life, my the course of my life is altered, and I get that. But that's kind of why I'm saying like I have these timelines on things that I want because I want to be able to get them. And if and when something, God forbid, were to happen that alters those timelines, then I have to reassess and I have to re-evaluate things. Okay. As of right, as of right now, like there's nothing that's stopping, you know, for for the the purpose of this example, there's nothing stopping me from being able to purchase a house by a certain point.

NALEE 1:45:10

Yeah. And and I just I was just bringing that up because my point is that, yes, timelines is a way for you, obviously, it's it's a goal that you're setting for yourself, which is great. But all I'm saying is that like you also have to, I think one thing about you that I've noticed is that like you don't put in take into account in this could I'm not saying that you do, betneck lady. I'm just saying, I'm not saying that you do or you don't, but I'm just saying hypothetically, or not hypothetically, but based on the stuff that you shared with me, my hypothesis of how you process timelines is is that I feel like when you give yourself a timeline, you don't take into consideration of the things that you've gone through in process of meeting that timeline. Like, yeah, you want you want to buy a house by 89, but then let's just say I want to buy it before 89, but I'm sticking to your story, your situation. But I'm saying that I feel like regardless, knowing you, even if you wanted to buy a house by 89, and let's say hypothetically you got into knock on wood, let's say hypothetically you got into a car accident at 45 and you your leg came, oh my skittle's failed out the lord. But let's say hypothetically, your leg, you got into a car accident, called me and said your leg is like amputated or whatever. And then that happens, you do change the timeline, but I think regardless knowing you, you're still gonna like be harsh on yourself at the fact that why did I break my leg? Now I'm 89, I can't get a house. You know what I mean? I think knowing you, you're still gonna like count that against yourself when you shouldn't. And that's what I'm that's the point I was trying to get across, is that like I feel like when you give yourself timelines, you don't you don't give yourself grace because when it's past it, you're like, well, now I didn't do that. But then you don't think about all the hardships that you've gone through. Even if you've passed a timeline, you've gone through a lot of shit outside of that. But don't just concentrate on that timeline, don't just concentrate on that goal. There's a lot of things that you've already gone through to get there. That's why you need to give yourself grace.

ANTHONY 1:47:20

I agree with you, but I also disagree with you at the same time because I think in instances like that, I do give myself grace.

NALEE 1:47:27

Okay. As long as you would get your mind.

ANTHONY 1:47:30

I would give myself, especially like losing my leg. Like, yeah, okay, well, guess what? I lost my leg. Does it suck? Yes. Am I gonna harbor some feelings that got against it? Yes.

unknown 1:47:43

Okay.

ANTHONY 1:47:43

But at the end of the day, I have to move on and I have to get past that.

NALEE 1:47:46

Okay, great. That's all I wanted to confirm. Thank you.

ANTHONY 1:47:49

Okay.

NALEE 1:47:49

Meeting is adjourned. Douche douche.

ANTHONY 1:47:51

Everything happens for a reason.

unknown 1:47:54

Losing your leg out is for a reason.

ANTHONY 1:47:59

I mean, it could. Who knows? Knock on wood.

NALEE 1:48:02

Okay. Okay.

ANTHONY 1:48:02

Knock on wood again. But let's just say this. I mean, this would never happen to me what I'm about to say. But like, let's just say maybe somebody losing their leg happened because they're going to be the next person who's going to try a new prosthetic leg, which is going to lead them to entering into the Special Olympics and winning the gold medal for the Special Olympics in some running event. Again, not me, because I would never be caught dead running unless there was something chasing me. But I'm just saying, yes, everything happens for a reason.

NALEE 1:48:41

Okay. Period.

ANTHONY 1:48:42

Period. Point blank period.

NALEE 1:48:44

Point blank period. Period. All right. Well, we'll move on to segment three if you're ready. You want anything else to add?

ANTHONY 1:48:50

Yep. Let's let's jump into that motherfucking reality check.

NALEE 1:48:53

Yes. Okay. Well, let's come back down to Earth now. Now that we unpacked my fucking trauma, Anthony's fucking trauma, and a little bit of vulnerability.

ANTHONY 1:49:01

This has been a very therapeu therap therapeutic episode.

NALEE 1:49:05

Therapeu therapeutic episode. Therapetic episode. The last couple of episodes has been low-key.

ANTHONY 1:49:14

Yeah, I think so.

NALEE 1:49:15

We've had a lot of good conversation, I will say, yeah. Yeah. Not for the listeners, but for us for sure.

ANTHONY 1:49:21

But for us. I mean, if they learn anything new, that's great. But as far as coming back down to Earth, I really, really don't want to. But if you insist, go on your topics. Oh, oh, okay. Well start with me. Thank you. Well, we already talked about my topic. I mean, in a sense, like burnout from chasing dreams. Um, and that just incorporates the whole timeline thing again. So we've already talked about both my topics. The other one was mental health impact.

NALEE 1:49:50

Yeah, we got a lot of impact for sure.

Reality Check Burnout And Slowing Down

ANTHONY 1:49:52

We had a lot of impact, got a lot of mental health going on up here.

NALEE 1:49:55

Yeah.

ANTHONY 1:49:56

I see my therapist next week. It'll be fine.

NALEE 1:49:59

Nice. Love it.

ANTHONY 1:50:00

Yeah, I really don't have anything. I mean, I feel like I'm not going to speak for you or for your topics that we discussed in segment one and segment two. But like as far as my topics that I addressed, again, for segment three, my topics were burnout from chasing dreams and mental health impact. I think my topics from segment one and segment two were a very well-balanced discussion of delusion and reality.

NALEE 1:50:27

Yeah.

ANTHONY 1:50:28

So I really don't have much to say for this segment because of that reason.

NALEE 1:50:35

So you didn't come back down to earth. Okay, got it.

ANTHONY 1:50:38

It's not that I didn't come back down to earth. It's that I never left.

NALEE 1:50:41

Oh, okay. So you stuck in hell is what you're trying to say.

ANTHONY 1:50:45

I was just floating. I took a gummy, I was walking the earth. I was like an astral projection of myself.

NALEE 1:50:51

Okay, yeah, that doesn't sound like you came back down to earth, but we'll move on. I digress. All right, so my topics were learning from mistakes. I think we already I kind of talked about that in my other segment, low-key.

ANTHONY 1:51:03

Somebody else never left Earth.

NALEE 1:51:04

Yeah, I didn't leave Earth. I actually went down. I didn't go up, I went down. Took an elevator down to Purgatory. Yeah, literally. But it's not really I talked about not really learning from my mistakes, but learning from past relationships. Not really mistakes, but I think all in all, I think we kind of touched a little bit about like learning from learning from your past. Not really mistakes, but just learning from your past. And I think that's kind of similar along the same lines, because obviously mistakes are made in the past, not in the present. And you you're supposed to learn from it, reflect, and then, you know, either one, change it, or two, if you like to live in that toxic situation, keep doing what you're doing. But I really wanted to talk about slowing down. Before I go to that though, did you have anything to add for learning from your mistakes?

SPEAKER_02 1:51:53

Oh, that was real pretty.

NALEE 1:51:56

The birds?

ANTHONY 1:51:57

Yeah. Oh. Over here or over there? Over there.

NALEE 1:51:59

Oh, I thought that was over at you.

ANTHONY 1:52:01

Oh.

NALEE 1:52:02

No, fuck those birds. They wake me up at fucking five in the morning for no fucking reason. I'm a mother, pew pew, motherfucker.

ANTHONY 1:52:08

Girl, I'm gonna tell you those fucking bitches yesterday morning or Saturday morning. Oh, Lord Jesus.

NALEE 1:52:15

Jesus? No, no, no Jesus.

ANTHONY 1:52:17

Lord Jesus. The only thing that I want to say about learning from mistakes is learn from them. Really take the time to like mistakes happen. We are all human. It's a matter of how we analyze them, review them, learn from them, and grow.

NALEE 1:52:36

Yeah.

ANTHONY 1:52:36

That's it. Just take the time to do it.

NALEE 1:52:38

Do it. Just do it. I guess I have one one thing to just add on to that. If you're the one making the mistakes, Though take accountability for that, please reflect and stop doing that. Stop doing your mistakes.

ANTHONY 1:52:51

No, I'm just kidding.

NALEE 1:52:52

No, I'm just saying that, like, sometimes if you made a mistake, then learn from that and leave whoever, whatever, whatever you're doing alone, is all I'm saying. Take that with whatever you will. But what I wanted to talk about was slowing down. I think this is more for like a reflection on myself, is that I think it is important to just kind of slow down a little bit, reflect on like progress-wise on yourself, and just see where you need to slow down, whether it's relationship-wise, whether it's health-wise, whether it's mentally, you know, or your emotions and stuff. I think with everything that's so f like fast-paced, I think people forget to just kind of slow down and take a breather and just kind of let things run its course, then rather again to like control it or rather to manipulate the situation. Yeah.

ANTHONY 1:53:48

I I agree with that. We live in such a fast-paced world. And I we've we've talked about this before. It's a fast-paced world. People want things when they want it. We want things right now. Take the time to like just slow down and like look at things. And I think that's something that, again, I'm gonna sound like a fucking holier than thou asshole. But like, I just feel like as I'm getting older, I'm realizing more and more the need to slow down. Like I take, I get more enjoyment from you. Make fun of me for doing this all the time, but like I get more enjoyment now out of like sitting in my backyard and simply just watching the birds. Like, give me a cold drink and I'll just sit in my backyard and I watch the fucking birds, I'll look at the sky, I'll watch butterflies, I'll like it. Sounds so stupid, and like, like, I'll be the one to say it because I've I've said this before, but it's like when I was younger, I was like, that's what old people do. And so yeah, okay, now I'm that old person that that's what I do.

NALEE 1:54:47

Yeah. Okay. I'm gonna side tangent. This is my last tangent of the episode. It has nothing to do with anything but with the fact of being old. Not on you, but me. I was gonna say, is this geared towards me, you little preach? No, no, no, no, no. We talked about, I think, in our last, in our two tangents court, or maybe my Nali's hypothetical, but I had said that like I'm in the phase of like partying and stuff like that, but like this past weekend, if you guys have me on social media, I just posted like some photos of us going to this nerd sexy nerd con event, right? Okay, now tell me why half of the people who fucking hit on me were like younger than 24. Tell me why. Literally, like when they said that, I'm like, I shouldn't be here. Like, what am I doing here? I shouldn't be here.

ANTHONY 1:55:41

Because you look amazing. Like, they probably thought you were 24.

NALEE 1:55:44

No, they did. Actually, low-key, I was kind of like impressed. And first of all, I just wanted to say I I wanted to go to it, but I didn't actually want to go there. I liked the thought of going, but

Partying While Aging And Looking Out

NALEE 1:55:57

then I shared it with my brother and he really wanted to go because they had an event in January, and then they had another event like Friday, and so then he had bought us tickets without asking us. And then obviously I like would want to dress up, so then obviously we like we ended up dressing up and when we went, like the whole experience theory was really fun. I think like I'm I'm putting a a plug-in or whatever, but if you guys are are like, I don't know, young and you guys like nerdy stuff, and uh you guys are in your party phase or whatever, definitely check out the sexy nerd uh events. It it was pretty fun. I think the the crowd, everybody's really nice. Honestly, I was kind of shocked how nice everybody was. I've got a f I met a few people, and there's this girl, there was a couple girls that I met, but then I was dressed as like Sailor Mars, and then there was this girl, she was dressed as Sailor Moon, and we were like the only two Sailor Scouts. And so then like I took a photo with her, she was super cute, and then there was this other girl, she was like, she went there with a group of friends, I think she said, and then they had left, and so then we had met her, like we had met her around before like the crowd started getting crazy, so then she was dancing with her friends, and she's like, Oh my god, you're really cute. Blah, and I was like, Oh yeah, you're really cute too. And then later on at night, like she we she met us up again, and so then I was like, Oh, like where's your group of friends? And she's like, Oh, well, they said they wanted to leave, so I ended up just staying. So I'm like, Oh, but so you're by yourself, and she's like, Yeah, but you know, I was looking for a couple of cool girls to like hang out with and dance with, and so then me and Polly was like in the dance world, and I was like, Oh, you can dance with us, and so then she just kind of like stuck around with us throughout the whole night, and she was really cool too. And then there's this other girl, oh my god, like she was so fucking wasted, like she was really cute, but she was really wasted, and she was like, I have a point to this, I promise. She was really wasted, and she I saw her dancing with like multiple guys, but like when I saw her dancing with multiple guys, I thought she was by herself, and so then when she was dancing with this other guy, like she was dancing with one of my brother's friends, or two of my other two of my brother's friends, but they're like different guys, and then she was dancing with a couple of different other guys too, but then I could tell that she was like really drunk because I was like that like multiple weekends ago, and so I'm like, fuck, somebody needs to help her, and so then I went up to her and I just asked her. I'm like, and she had she we had met when she was sober because she was like commenting on my outfit and I was like, Yeah, I like your outfit too. I forgot what she was, but then I'm not like a really big anime fan. I'm not a true nerd, I'm just uh show up as a nerd, I guess. But then she was like sober and she saw me, and then uh later on that night I saw her again, and she again she was like dancing with all these other guys, and so she was dancing with this other guy, and he was like really touchy on her, and so then I went up to her and I'm like, Hey, like, can I just talk to you? Like, are you okay? Like, do you know this guy? Like, I know you seem like you're a little drunk, but do you know this guy? And she was like, Oh yeah, I know him, he's my friend. I'm like, oh, okay, that's cool. And so then I like felt really bad. So I actually went and got her a cup of water, and so then she drank the water, and then she really didn't drink it, she just kind of like poured it all over herself, and so I'm like, I'm gonna go give you another cup of water, but I need you to drink it because you're very like, it's not that you're messy, but I think you're kind of stumbling around and yeah, and well, I was being nice, but I was like, I think you need some water, and so then I went back, got her water, and then she drank it. And so then she's like, Yeah, well, this is my boyfriend, my ex-boyfriend. We came here together and I know who he was. I'm like, okay, well, as long as you know who he is, then it's fine. I'm gonna leave you with him. And so then, like, I thought that was the end of it. But what happened was his ex-boyfriend and him and her was dancing, and then he like followed me, and he's like, Hey, like, you're really cute. Like, can I get your number and stuff? I'm like, Thank you. I'm very flattered, but can you please go take care of your ex-girlfriend you came with? Because that's not the matter, that's not the issue at hand here. And so then they were dancing again for a little bit, and then low-key, like, obviously, you guys know I have a savior complex. So I was kind of looking around, and then the guy was like behind me again. He's like, Yeah, like you're really cute. Like, can I get your number? Blah blah blah. I'm like, dude, where's your ex-girlfriend go? Like, what the fuck? And so then he was just like, Oh, like she's over there, but you know, like you're really nice. Can I get to know you? I'm like, no, I'm sorry. Please take care of your ex-girlfriend. And so then when I pushed, when I took him back to her, I guess what happened was like they both fell over.

unknown 2:00:20

God.

NALEE 2:00:20

And then they got kicked out. But I didn't see them getting kicked out. I just heard from my brother's friend. And so then, oh, all in all, my story for this part is that, or my my point for this part is that if anybody sees a girl who's like really drunk and if you're friendly and you're not a judgy person, get them a cup of water, please, so they could like sober down. Cause I'm just saying, like my sisters, obviously, I'm lucky. They like obviously gave me water when I was like fucking messy as hell. But if you guys see a girl and she's like, you know, like it you're not dumb. People notice things, but if you see something, do something, you know, like or I don't know. But I'm just saying that if you see somebody who's drunk or like that, just have just offer offer clean water, not fucked up water, not laced water, just water to help them like hydrate up because I felt really bad. And then but yeah, that happened. And then what I was saying was like a lot of what the other point I was making was I've realized that I shouldn't be in those kind of environments because bitch, I am too old. Because like I was getting hit on like a lot of people, and I was like, Oh, like you're very, you're very nice, blah, blah, blah, blah. And they would ask me, Oh, how old are you? And obviously, I like to play the game of okay, take a guess. And I got like 22, 24, 27, and I'm like, oh, thank you. But I'm like old. And then I would ask them, how old are you? And they were like, Oh, I'm 22, I'm 24. And I'm like, Yeah, it was nice to meet you. Bye.

ANTHONY 2:01:57

But you just I'm just you need to start saying when they're like, How old are you? Be like, I'm old enough to be your mother.

NALEE 2:02:02

No, literally, that's what Polly said all night, too. And I was just like, Yeah. And then I'm just like, Yeah, I shouldn't be here because like these are literally kids. And then that was my realization that I'm like, yeah, I need to fucking chill because I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't be going to these types of events because I'd be too old. And then I literally died the whole next day. And you know, we rescheduled it because I fucking died.

ANTHONY 2:02:27

Mm-hmm. You would have thought me and Melissa, your ass would have learned by now.

NALEE 2:02:36

You should have known that I don't learn anything. Okay, I don't listen. If anybody knows me, if anybody knows me, I'm the most stubborn person when it comes to advice. You could give me the best advice ever, but am I gonna listen to it? No, bitch. No, I can go one ear, go out the other.

ANTHONY 2:02:53

What did we just talk about? Learning from your mistakes.

NALEE 2:02:55

Yeah. I will learn them on my own.

ANTHONY 2:02:58

Okay, so I have one question on this that I'm a little confused on. Okay. So you said you're not, so this was called a sexy nerd cost party.

NALEE 2:03:09

I don't know if it's called a party, but it's the the people who host it, the event is called sexy nerds. And what it is is it's just a night where you dress up. Yeah, it's anime. It's anything nerdy. It's anything nerdy. It could be from Harry Potter, Twilight, Anime, Sailor Moon. And your ass in Twilight? I didn't because I don't have any sparkling stuff.

ANTHONY 2:03:32

Oh god, if only Amazon existed.

NALEE 2:03:34

Well, I again I told you I wasn't prepared. And I had I had a costume that I the Sailor Mars costume I bought a couple years ago. I never got to wear it, and I really wanted to wear it.

ANTHONY 2:03:43

So I'm like, Oh I remember when you bought that.

NALEE 2:03:46

Yeah, and I lost weight, so it looks much better than it did back.

ANTHONY 2:03:49

Your waist was snatched.

NALEE 2:03:51

I mean, Shindo was shade zoo. Shin Zhu was shade. But yeah. I mean, it's cool because I got featured on their page, which is pretty cool.

ANTHONY 2:04:01

Oh, that's exciting.

NALEE 2:04:02

Yeah. So they shared my story, which is pretty awesome.

ANTHONY 2:04:05

Yeah. Look at you go and place this message them and say, can you share twin tangents?

NALEE 2:04:11

Yeah, I felt famous for two seconds.

ANTHONY 2:04:13

Honey, you're famous every day.

NALEE 2:04:15

Oh, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. All right. But all in all, my whole point was slow down, know that you're old, you're aging, and you need to stop doing little kids stuff.

ANTHONY 2:04:30

Truth, that part. Know your limits. And again, this goes back to what I said earlier, how there's like certain time periods are set aside. Certain events, events are set aside for certain time periods of your life.

NALEE 2:04:45

Yeah. That was for Nolly's hypothetical hotline.

ANTHONY 2:04:48

I just reminder. They should listen to that. But i.e. going out and partying like you're 22, leave that to the 22-year-olds.

NALEE 2:04:56

Yeah, you will break your back, girl. Let me tell you. The way I was breaking my back fucking Friday night wasn't it wasn't cute. It wasn't cute. But I did show kids a little few tricks, a little few triggety tricks.

ANTHONY 2:05:10

Oh God, that sounds even more awkward than I think you intended for it to sound.

NALEE 2:05:16

Yeah, probably. Yeah, yeah. Well, anyways, if y'all want to learn how to twerk, let me know. I'll teach you guys how to twerk. But I'm gonna leave it to up to Anthony to start our outro. If you have anything else to add.

ANTHONY 2:05:29

Well, I was just gonna say when we start introducing guests, we'll have to get Melissa on here, and you and Melissa can teach everybody how to twerk because we know Melissa knows how to twerk.

NALEE 2:05:38

Oh, Melissa knows how to twerk for sure.

ANTHONY 2:05:39

Melissa knows how to twerk. Yeah.

NALEE 2:05:41

She does, yep.

ANTHONY 2:05:43

But with that being said, that is the end of our episode. So I just want to encourage everybody out there to just stay delusional.

NALEE 2:05:52

But like I said, responsibly.

ANTHONY 2:05:55

See you next week before we rebrand entirely.

SPEAKER_00 2:05:59

Bye. Bye.