Twin Tangents Because Therapy Was Booked
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Twin Tangents Because Therapy Was Booked
🎙️Getting Over It (AUDIO ONLY)🎙️
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This is your sign to text your fave unlicensed therapists. (That’s us).
🖤What does it actually mean to "get over it?"
Because if we're being honest…
...some things you never really do.
This week on Twin Tangents, Anthony and Nalee have one of their most personal conversations yet as they explore grief—not just the grief that comes with death, but the grief of losing relationships, friendships, old versions of yourself, childhood, dreams that never happened, and the quiet realization that life changes whether we're ready or not.
We're talking:
🕊️ The grief nobody prepares you for → Why loss isn't always about someone passing away, and how we quietly mourn people, places, dreams, and chapters of our lives long before we realize they're gone.
💐 Our first experiences with death → The funerals that shaped us, the strange details our minds never forget, and how children process grief differently than adults.
❤️ Watching the people you love grow older → Caring for aging parents and grandparents, the fear that comes with seeing someone who once felt invincible become vulnerable, and the reality that time never slows down.
⏳ The future we don't like thinking about → Growing older, mortality, wondering who's going to be there for us, and the uncomfortable questions that quietly live in the back of our minds.
🤝 The people who carry us → Caregivers, family, chosen family, and the incredible weight of loving someone through the hardest chapters of their life.
🌱 Finding growth inside grief → How loss changes priorities, reminds us what really matters, and sometimes pushes us toward becoming a healthier, more intentional version of ourselves.
😂 Classic Twin Tangents chaos → Because even in one of our heaviest conversations, we somehow find ourselves laughing through funeral memories, making inappropriate jokes, and proving that humor isn't the opposite of grief—sometimes it's how we survive it.
Somewhere between the tears...
...the awkward laughter...
...and the stories we never expected to tell...
we realized that maybe "getting over it" was never the goal.
Maybe the goal is learning how to carry it.
How to honor the people we've lost, appreciate the people we still have, and remember that every ordinary day with someone you love is quietly becoming a memory you'll someday wish you could revisit.
This episode is a little heavier than usual.
A little more vulnerable.
A little quieter.
But if you've ever lost someone, missed who you used to be, watched life change too quickly, or simply needed the reminder that you're not alone...
...we hope this conversation feels like someone sitting beside you.
🎙️ Motto of the week:
You don't always get over grief.
Sometimes...
you just get better at carrying it.
⚠️ Twin Tangents: Because Therapy Was Booked ⚠️
Unfiltered. Unapologetic. Unhinged (just a bit).
Hosted by Nalee & Anthony—this is your safe, spicy space to spiral. Expect adult content, hot takes, and high-functioning chaos.
And yes, we call our listeners H.O.E.S.
(Hilarious. Over it. Emotionally unstable. Spicy.)
It’s not an insult. It’s a hoe-mmunity.
Ghosts of friendships past, emotional curses, and superstitions that still haunt us—this October tangent is a little spooky, a little healing, and very on-brand.
If you can turn a three-word text into a 45-minute psychological breakdown… welcome home.
Nalee’s Hypothetical Hotline exists for the people who rehearse arguments in the shower and lose sleep over imaginary conversations. Submit your spirals. We’ll spiral louder. And with microphones.
Because if we’re overthinking, we’re doing it professionally.
Love drama but hate being involved in it? Perfect.
Twin Tangents Court is our fast-paced spin-off where we judge everyone so you don’t have to. Dating disasters. Friendship felonies. Domestic disturbances. We try the case. We deliver the verdict.
New episodes drop every other Friday at 8 AM Central. Bring your coffee. Bring your screenshots. Court is now in session.
Just when you thought the chaos was over—Anthony and Nalee invite you to keep the tangents going. With a soft outro vibe and one last wink to the listener, this post-roll points you toward the Twin Tangents website and socials for more unfiltered content. Because if you’re still here, you clearly get it… and we love that for you.
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Welcome And A New Kind Of Grief
SPEAKER_03Okay.
NALEEOkay. All right. Welcome back to Twin Tangent, the podcast where we somehow turn every conversation into either a theory session or a complete chaos or into complete chaos.
ANTHONYLet's be honest though, almost all the time, both of these happen at the exact same time.
NALEEUh yeah. Today's episode is a little different. We're talking about grief, y'all. Ugh.
ANTHONYAnd not just grieving someone who's passed away. Sometimes grief is losing a relationship, a friendship, a version of yourself. Or even realizing that life isn't what it used to be.
NALEEBut everyone has heard the word grief and immediately thinks death. But honestly, I think we grieve a lot more than we actually realize.
ANTHONYWe grieve people who are still alive. We grieve friendships that quietly ended. We grieve childhood memories, old routines, and even dreams that never happened.
NALEEAnd fair warning, full disclosure, this episode may get a little emotional. Y'all already know me. I'm a crybaby. So it may come, it may not come. We may all come. It is what it is. Yeah, I just thought I'd put that one out there.
ANTHONYWhat are we coming to?
NALEESadness. Grief. Duh.
ANTHONYSadness. That's how people sadness.
NALEESometimes that's how people grieve by coming.
ANTHONYThat's true. It's very heavy.
NALEEOh yeah.
ANTHONYIt's very heavy. Like the weight of sadness and grief.
NALEEIt really is, yeah.
ANTHONYBut I don't want any of our listeners or our viewers to worry. We're still gonna laugh at ourselves the entire fucking time.
NALEEAnd I didn't mean to just like flick everybody off. I was actually scratching my eye. I just happened to use my middle finger. So sorry if I offended some of y'all. But bitch. Me, I do that.
ANTHONYYou do normally use your middle finger.
NALEEI do, yeah. I'm fucking weird. Anyways, but because if there's one thing we're really good at, it's coping with humor.
ANTHONYPeriod. Here we go. I'm not gonna lie. I was I'm I was a little hesitant when I saw our discussion topic for this episode.
NALEEI know it's a little it's a little deep, but you know, you've really been pushing for this heavy episode.
ANTHONYThis is the second week in a row that we've had a Oh yeah, it is.
NALEEYeah. But here we are.
ANTHONYSecond or third with this topic. Yeah.
NALEEMaybe it's for my own, my own grieving.
ANTHONYYeah. So but Are you grieving and you want the rest of us you want to take the rest of us down with you?
NALEEI do.
ANTHONYThis bitch.
NALEEBecause if I'm going down, all of you bitches going down with me. So yeah. Um, but our first segment is the goodbyes we never prepare for.
ANTHONYMost people think that grief only starts after someone dies.
NALEEBut sometimes it starts the moment you realize life is about to change.
ANTHONYThe hardest goodbyes aren't always the loud ones.
NALEEAnd sometimes they're the ones you don't even realize are happening until they are already over.
First Funerals And First Memories
NALEEAll right, Antony, what are your topics?
ANTHONYSo I wanted to talk about the very first funeral that you have ever attended. Do you remember yours?
NALEEYeah. I think I told this in my in the in like our spooky episodes, but it's the one that I went to my grandpa's funeral and I saw the man standing behind the stairs. I don't know if you remember that one.
ANTHONYMan standing behind the stairs. No.
NALEEYeah. Well, it was a guy. It looked like my grandpa who passed away, but he was standing behind the stairs. And it was my birthday weekend. And then my wallet like just disappeared. And then we found it at my grandpa's house.
ANTHONYI don't remember that at all.
NALEEYeah, yeah. That's it, that was it. Yeah.
ANTHONYHow old were you?
NALEEI think it was my golden birthday. Oh no, no, I lied. I think I was like nine. Eight or nine. Yeah, eight or nine. Yeah.
ANTHONYYeah. That's about how old I was for my first funeral, too.
NALEEYeah, who was it for you? I was I asked that weird, but yeah.
ANTHONYWe all knew what you meant. We're we're teaching our listeners to speak golly.
NALEEYeah. If you guys are episodes season two, episode 16 deep, y'all should already know I talk. Yeah.
ANTHONYYeah.
NALEEFall in the thick of it.
ANTHONYSo mine, it was in 97. So I was 10. Goodness. It was my older cousin. She was 17 and a senior in high school. That was like the worst. Can you imagine like being a kid going to another kid's funeral?
NALEEThat's right.
ANTHONYAnother kid's funeral. Yeah.
NALEEHoly crap. That's crazy. How did she pass away, if you don't mind me asking?
ANTHONYShe passed away in a a very horrific car accident. And I don't know why, but I have like there's certain like bits and pieces. I don't know if I made it up in my head. But if I made it up in my head, then I'm a really fucked up person because I Well, that ship has sailed. That ship has sailed. I mean, there's no question there, I'm a fucked up person. But I'm almost wondering if at at that age if I just like picked up little bits and pieces of conversation that the adults were having. Because I remember my aunt and my uncle picking me up from school. And it was my aunt, my uncle, my grandma, my cousin, and me, and we drove down together in one vehicle. And I just remember that entire car ride, like listening to the adults talk and like knowing what was going on, but not fully knowing because I'd never experienced death before.
SPEAKER_08Okay.
ANTHONYBut there were cer there's certain details that stick out that again, I don't remember if it was just that I picked up on them through their conversations, but it's it created a visual in my head that I constantly live with till this day, like when I think about her passing.
SPEAKER_08Okay.
ANTHONYAnd I don't know if the details are true. I don't want to go into details on the podcast, but it was just it was a very bad car accident.
NALEEOkay. I think I go ahead, sorry.
ANTHONYOh, I I'll get into that next, but Okay. You think what you were gonna say?
NALEEI was gonna say, I think I had the same thing too, because now that I'm thinking about it, I literally just mixed up two funeral memories of the guy standing behind the stairs and me missing my wallet because they were both, I think, really close to each other, like the funerals. So I think I kind of mixed them up a little bit. But yeah. The my very first Go ahead.
ANTHONYOh, go ahead. No, go ahead. Sorry.
NALEEMy very first funeral was the one that I told you where I had a grandpa and he got like stabbed by his wife. Remember, I told you that?
ANTHONYOh yeah.
NALEEYeah, that's the first funeral that I went to. And then really, I think really close after another grandpa passed away, and that was the one during my birthday. Oh, yeah. Where my Wally got lost. Yeah.
ANTHONYSee, what when you said the man by the stairs, I thought that for some reason I thought that was wasn't, didn't you have an uncle that died?
NALEEYeah, but he wasn't really oh crap. He was not filled up. Hold up. All right, so the one that I was talking about where my grandpa got stabbed at the funeral home, he's kind of like he was my dad's age, but he was considered a grandpa. So I think at that time I probably would have considered him an uncle. But if you're talking about like rank-wise, he was a grandpa to me. Yeah. And so then when we were at his funeral, like in this in the funeral home, there's like a coat check area. And then in that area, there's like a stairs in the back, and it leads you up to like the attic area, like that where you could go upstairs and put like extra food or extra like utensils and stuff up there. And it was like my first time going to that funeral home, and I always heard stories about like, oh, it being haunted and stuff like that. But then I didn't realize because I guess I had a moment where when I think my mom and was like, they were gonna go to the bathroom and for me to go put the coats in the closet. But I don't remember what really happened, but I went into the coat closet area and then I saw like my uncle or grandpa standing behind the stairs that leads up to the attic. And so I was like, oh, what's he doing there? Like, why is he just standing there? And then come to find out when I went up to the casket with my mom then, he was the guy laying in the casket. So I'm like, what the fuck? But then I didn't put two and two together until like when I became a little bit more aware of like what death was. So yeah.
ANTHONYGotcha. And I excuse me. I think I'm confusing two of your stories because I was thinking of a different story that was you had seen somebody outside your house.
NALEEOh, that's the dream I had of my uncle.
ANTHONYYes, that's what I was I was confusing the two, but I do remember about your grandpa being stabbed.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
ANTHONYFu that's fucking crazy, by the way.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
unknownOkay.
ANTHONYSo with your your first funeral, do you remember like the details?
NALEEVaguely, like I did this really stupid thing, which makes it kind of memorable to me. Was it's gonna sound really stupid, but like when when the like when the funeral initially happens, what happens is it's gonna sound really weird, but when the dead, when they take the dead body, the dead's body to the funeral home, first they lay it on the floor, they do this kind of ritual, and then they lift the body up unto where the casket should be. And so then at that part or at that moment where they're taking the body into the funeral home, like a lot of like the relatives that come in the morning, they do this thing where they kind of like cry for the death, for the dead. And so then they, that's when they could like leash out their like sadness or whatever. And then once he's laid onto the podium or where the casket should be, then people, you know, they kind of collect themselves and kind of at that point start the ceremony of kind of taking the dead back to where they were from, in a sense. And so then at that time, my mom and my dad, because only like close relatives get not really invited, but they're chosen to do that part of the ceremony. So then they have to like arrive early. They have to like, if I remember correctly, they have to like kill a chicken and bring all this stuff as an offering or whatever. And so then my mom and my dad went, and at that time I was like the youngest, so then I was like clinging on to my mom. And so then when sh they were doing the crying part, I didn't know what they were doing, so I was like pretending to cry like my mom. So I was like, uh like this. Like when she was crying. Like I wasn't actually crying.
ANTHONYWas that real crying? No.
NALEENo, no, I wasn't actually crying, I was just mimicking her sound because I thought that's what I was supposed to do, because everybody was doing that, right? And so then when I think that's kind of low-key where I got my crying song, because that's actually like when I actually cry, I actually sound stupid like that. So then when they were doing that part, and she was walk, they were walking up to this casket and they were like laying him onto the floor or whatever, they were like crying, and so I was like, uh, like that was but I wasn't actually crying, I was just like mimicking them so that I was a part of the group. You know what I mean? And so then I told, like, after they stopped crying, and I was like wiping my mom's tears, and then my mom was like, Why were you crying? I'm like, because you were crying, but I wasn't actually crying, and so I asked my mom, like, why do they do that? And she was just like, Well, it's just kind of like a kind of like not really like a last hurrah, but like a last, like letting all your emotions out for the person who passed away, kind of a thing, to say that, hey, we're here, we're grieving you, and you know, just to kind of let the dead know that, okay, this is like this is the end of your journey, kind of a thing. But like, I remember telling my sisters that story, and they're like, You're so stupid, because only like older people do that. But I'm like, what do you expect me to do? Just stand up like a dumb child?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I was gonna say, especially as a kid.
NALEEYeah, I was participating, but in a stupid way. But regardless, to me, the reason why it's memorable because low-key, I was doing the voice, but I was still laughing at the same time. And I wasn't even crying. No disrespect or nothing, you know, but I was a child, so I didn't know. But that that's why it was memorable to me. But yeah, it was really stupid now that I think about it.
ANTHONYI don't think that that's stupid. That's actually like you said, that's very memorable for you. But that's also, like we said at the beginning of the episode, that's like you were adding the humor to it.
unknownYeah.
ANTHONYYou made you made light of a very difficult situation.
NALEEYeah. I also didn't really know him, so I was just kind of like, okay, whatever, go with the flow. But what about you? What made the the the first feeder memorable for you?
ANTHONYIt's very weird for me. Like the things that I do remember, I remember just some very small weird details. I remember going up to the casket for the first time. And again, that was my first time ever seeing somebody dead.
NALEEOkay. Was it an open casket?
ANTHONYIt was. And do you remember seeing I do the and again, this is one of those small things that it's like I remember the accident was so bad that I remember looking at her and she did not look like herself. She was very swollen and puffy.
SPEAKER_07Okay.
ANTHONYAnd because of the accident, they couldn't bury, you know, when you bury somebody, you normally bury them in like nice formal or like a dress or a suit or whatever.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
ANTHONYBecause of the accident and how swollen she was. Sh they she's buried in jeans. And I'm almost second guessing this, but I'm 98% sure that it was it was a navy blue tigger sweater sweatshirt.
SPEAKER_08That's so sad.
ANTHONYBecause they had to cover her arms. And then one thing that I've so vividly remember, and I'm not gonna lie, I still like sometimes will think about this, and I I don't get as frustrated as I used to. Okay. But her little brother, I don't even know how old he would have been at the time. So if I was 10, he maybe five. Maybe. So he was a baby. He was a kid, yeah, he was a kid. But I remember he was like playing there was like a little side room that you could like sit in away from everybody else. And I remember he was in there and he was like playing with his toys, and I think I was crying, and I just remember him like getting in my face and being like, She's dead, she's never coming back. And he just like ran off.
SPEAKER_08What the hell?
ANTHONYAnd well, again, grief, we all handle it differently. And and at that age, I'm I'm not I try I chalked it up to he's not really fully understanding the fact she's not coming back, but like, yeah, do you understand what that means? Yeah. So just a little bit. Yeah, that's intense. I remember it was very yeah, it was a very intense moment. Not and again, it was nothing bad. It was just at that age, he didn't I don't I don't believe that he fully understood. Even at my age at 10, I didn't fully understand all that would all that it meant losing somebody.
SPEAKER_00Man, that's crazy.
ANTHONYYeah.
SPEAKER_00So yeah, so that was my first experience with death.
ANTHONYYeah, that's all I really had. I just want to talk about it's weird the things that your memory remembered, or that your minds and how it remembers or how it interprets certain things.
NALEEYeah. Okay. Did you have anything else to add to your topics?
ANTHONYNo.
NALEEOkay.
ANTHONYWhat did what did you have? What else? What did you want to talk about? Hopefully it'll add some lightness to this.
NALEEI don't think so. I think this is gonna be a pretty dark episode. I mean, shocker. It's me. I pick these topics, and yeah, I think it's gonna be pretty if it's not dark, it's gonna be sad. If it's not sad, it's it ain't gonna be happy. That's all I'm gonna say. But I think it's also a good ep it's gonna be a good episode, too. But I think my topics were watching someone become sick. So for me, I think the reason why I wanted to talk about this was obviously, you know, you and I both have the common denominator. I wouldn't say denominator, but the common, like I don't know what what I'm looking for.
ANTHONYBut just a commonality.
NALEEWe both have the same scenario. Yeah, where like my grandma, she always like y'all already know, she low-key traumatized us, but at the same time, like she took care of us, she took care of my siblings and us. And like, you know, thinking like when I was small, like you, I thought that she
Seeing Death Up Close As Kids
NALEEwas like such a strong, independent woman. And then, you know, when she became sick, like we had to take care of her. Like, I personally, like, I think I was a little too young to be able to actually do things of like actions of matter, I guess, if that makes sense, where like it it'll make an impact for her. Because at that time I was like still in middle school, high school, kind of like high school, but then like I was like a a freshman, sophomore in high school. And you know, you're stupid, you're young, you're not really like concentrated on the sick. And I think the one who really got like the hard job of it was Linda. Like Sal was off in Taiwan, she was in, you know, she was out of the country. I think at that time Polly got married really young, so she wasn't even in the picture. So just me, Mylot, and Linda. And at that time, Linda just learned how to drive. She was in college, and then my grandma had a stroke, and so then my parents were out of the country too. And so then at that point, it was literally Linda. She was like, the reason why I call her Mama Bear, my mama bear is because like that bitch, like she's tough, but her hands, her feet, her actions are just as powerful as her words, you know? And I think at that time she was literally taking care of me, my La, and my younger brother Gamon when he was up a baby. While, you know, my mom and my dad, they were out of the country going back and forth. And like we would go and spend the nights with my grandma at the rehab center after she had a stroke, and we would kind of like rotate shifts, kind of, because my parents were out of town. We had to, mind you, still go to school. She still had to what? Not out of town, out of the country, sorry.
ANTHONYOkay, why was it in quotes?
NALEEIn quotes of what?
ANTHONYYou said my parents were out of town.
NALEEI meant like out of the country. Like they weren't they weren't there. So Linda pretty much had to like take care of everything. It's not a bad thing. I think.
ANTHONYThe quotes threw me off. Because normally that's like a sign that this isn't the truth.
NALEENo, no, no, no, no, no. I don't know why I did the quotes. It's because these nails, they be doing something else to me.
SPEAKER_00They're like, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack.
NALEEExactly. I'm doing uh family guy. But but yeah, and so then Linda had to take care of us and she had to go to college, drop a stuff at school. And I think at that time, like I didn't realize how hard it was to actually take care of somebody by looking at Linda because like her energy was like all over the place, but somehow like she took care of it, you know what I mean? And so then I think when I saw that, it really humbled me where I'm like, damn, like I really gotta get my shit together. Like my sister's over here trying to figure shit out, my parents out of the country, my other sisters are like low-key non-existent because they're doing their own thing. And I'm trying not to add more to that to her, you know? And so I think that kind of also molded my mindset of maybe having a little bit more mature mindset because I'm like, damn, like shit's in the fan. You know what I mean? And so then at that time, like my grandma has had, she, I think she had like maybe four or five strokes, like maybe a couple years apart, and you could slowly tell she was losing like strength. Strength. Yeah, strength and like bladder control and all that stuff, like all the non-pretty things. And like up until her passing, like she was struggling, you know what I mean? And I think just seeing her go through that, you you empathize and low key kind of gives you like, I don't know about anybody else, but it kind of makes me feel afraid of getting old because I don't want to go through that too. But at the same time, it gives me a sense of like, bitch, you gotta stay healthy. Like, you gotta do something to like not not do that. You know what I mean? Because At the same oh god.
ANTHONYYeah. No, I was just gonna say it puts things into perspective.
NALEEExactly. Yeah. And so then I think for me, like that's also one big thing why like I feel like I am a pretty active chubby gal, you know what I mean? Because I don't want to end up like that. And it kind of gives me a scare of like, oh, like, you know, let's just say, what if I don't don't get married? What if I don't have kids to take care of me? Like, what am I gonna do? You know, so I have to be able to take care of myself because that's also one thing that my grandma taught me. Like, even though that be low key traumatized us, like she never remarried. She did everything herself. And, you know, like that also was power in itself. And I think when you watch somebody who you I wouldn't say put on a pedestal, but you've always seen them as somebody really strong and you see them slowly depleting, it really puts things in perspective. Like, damn, like that could be me. And I don't want that to be me. Like, I need to change it, you know? And not just that, but also my dad. Like you like, you know, like I've talked throughout this podcast of like how my mom and my dad, like as they're getting older, it's like one thing after another after another, and you're just like, what can I do to help you? What can I do to make your lives easier? You know, it's just kind of like it really puts life in perspective of like, damn, like you really don't have a lot of time. You know what I mean? Like, you really don't have a lot of time, but yeah, that's time flies.
ANTHONYIt's like we were just talking before we started recording. We're like, yeah, the month is already half over. Like it seems like it just started. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
ANTHONYAnd then I like, I mean, I don't know about you, but like it, I it doesn't even the buck doesn't stop like with family. Like, yeah, even if I go to the grocery store and I see like this cute old woman that's like pushing her grocery card, I'm like, it's not that I feel sorry for them because the chances are maybe they've had a wonderful life.
NALEEYeah.
ANTHONYAnd they're enjoying their old age and they've aged with dignity. But at the same time, it's like, I don't want to be that way. Like, I don't want to get old. It does make you, well, for me, it does make me scared to get older because I don't know what's gonna happen.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
ANTHONYAnd then, you know, you made the comment, you're like, what if I don't have kids? Like, I'm not having kids.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
ANTHONYAnd so it does make me question. I'm like, sometimes, sometimes okay, we're gonna get you wanted this to be a dark episode, we're gonna get more of it now.
SPEAKER_07Let's do it.
ANTHONYSometimes I wonder, I'm like, what if I die alone? What if I I don't have any kids? If my niece and my nephew don't stay in contact, yeah. I'm not gonna have anybody, I'll probably be like turning to sludge in my living room floor or in bed before anybody is is like, hey, nobody's come out of that house in months.
NALEEWell, that first of all, realistically, realistically, I don't think that's gonna happen because obviously we text each other every day. If I don't hear back from you calling me a stupid hoe, I'm running to your house.
ANTHONYDon't be stupid, and I'll call you a stupid hoe.
NALEECan't help it. We we passed that. We don't pass that passage or whatever, however that's true. Yeah. So I don't think that's true, but I think realistically, yes, it is very sad to think about. Yeah. But I don't know. It's a possibility. Yeah, it is a possibility, yes, but it's uh it's a very unlikely possibility.
ANTHONYAnd even more so, what if it happens like what if I die like Elvis and I die on the toilet? That's even worse.
NALEEFor you, but not for the people who find you.
ANTHONYSays who?
NALEEWait, who was found on speeding me up? Hold up, he he was found on the toilet?
ANTHONYYeah, he had he died on the toilet.
NALEESo he pooped and died?
ANTHONYI'm going to assume that he was pooping because he was sitting, but who knows? Maybe maybe he was peeing, and then all of a sudden he felt the need like something was going on, and he sat down the first place he could sit down, and then it just happened. But yes, he died on the toilet.
SPEAKER_05Mm-mm. Okay.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_05Interesting.
ANTHONYIt's it's sad. It's one of those things where it's and like it's hard. I mean, going back to your original topic of like watching someone become sick, it's hard to see what they were and then see what they've become.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
ANTHONYAnd it it does, I'm like you, it does make me want to be like, okay, I need to do something. I need to get healthier. I need to do this, I need to do that. What can I do to fight time and like try and slow it down or reverse it or put my thing down, flip it, and reverse it. Yeah. A. But no, it's just sad to see.
SPEAKER_05While we're talking about fucking death.
ANTHONYWe said that there was gonna be laughs.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
ANTHONYBut it's sad to watch people that you love and that you've seen in the prime or in the height of their life, and then to watch them deteriorate. It does put things into perspective.
SPEAKER_08It's very sad.
ANTHONYIt can be very humbling. It's very sad.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
ANTHONYAnd I'm trying to think of how to say this without offending anybody. But again, I'm just gonna say what much hust it is what it is.
NALEESay what you chess.
ANTHONYThat's part of where my struggle is with when it comes to terms of religion and like believing in God and all this and that. And it's like so, listeners, you can come for me if you want. I clearly, obviously, if I haven't mentioned it before, I'll mention it now. I'm not a believer of God. I'm more spiritual than anything. I believe in a higher power, but not necessarily God. But where I have an issue with like when it comes to religion and God is it's like there's so much emphasis put on this big God and all the things that he does, and it's like I find it hard to believe that there's a God when you have this person who's lived an amazing life and then they die in the most horrific way.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
ANTHONYOr you you know, I have a friend who her first baby they found out she had cancer and she lost her first
Watching Loved Ones Get Sick
ANTHONYkid. And obviously she's not the only one that's ever experienced this, but that's that's another thing that I struggle with. Okay. How do you the cre for people who are religious out there, how do you Oh what? Go on. What?
NALEENothing.
ANTHONYSay what you guys are I'm not trying to be offensive or anything, I'm being serious.
NALEELike, no, no, yeah, yeah.
ANTHONYI f I really struggle with the fact that you we praise this God, creator of everything, creator of plants and animals and everything in this universe. Why are little babies being ending up with cancer or terminal illnesses, or like they don't even have a chance to live?
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
ANTHONYIt's sad, and I struggle with that. But getting back to the topic, I can't. Yeah, watching somebody age and deteriorate is very difficult. And I think that I had the same situation with you going back to your story. Like my grandma, as listeners know, my grandma raised me, and she had to have a triple bypass surgery in I want to say 96 or 95. So I was just a kid myself, and I think that living through that experience as a kid and still continuing to live with my grandmother after the fact and having to, you know, get her soup or help her to the bathroom or help with things around the house, yeah, like that forced me to grow up even faster.
SPEAKER_08Yeah. On top of what you were already going through.
ANTHONYRight, right. So I think you and I are alike in that sense as far as not and not I I'm not gonna speak for you, but for me, like I don't regret one bit of it. But at the same time, I do feel well, that's a different topic for a different time. I don't reg I don't regret any of it, but I definitely do agree that I was forced to mature and grow up faster than an eight-year-old should have.
NALEEYeah, for sure. I think I definitely agree with you. I mean, obviously, I didn't get like I didn't I wouldn't say as bad. It's probably a bad way to say as bad, but I think that's the best way to say it. Like, as far as taking care of my grandma, because oh my goodness, you know what? Fuck that pillow. It wants to stay on the floor, it's gonna stay on the fucking floor. But um, but hold on, let me pick it up.
ANTHONYThis bitch.
NALEEBut I hate it when the the pillow gets on the floor because it's like, ew, I have to laundry it again. Yeah, that's but yeah, but like it's not like getting it worse, but like I guess she had to take a bigger responsibility in than what she really needed to, you know what I mean? And so then I think like you really it really forces you to have to do adult things, make adult decisions, even when you you're not supposed to. And it's kind of like you were you were dealt cards that you weren't really supposed to get, but it at the same time, it's like what can you do?
ANTHONYYou know, you're like, I didn't ask to play this game.
NALEEExactly.
ANTHONYAnd I guess here I got a a flush. All right, let's play this. Yeah, yeah.
NALEEBut and you know, I think again with like my dad and them going through it right now, like obviously, like I'm closer now, so I could obviously contribute more. But I think because I don't have that relationship with them like I do with my other sisters, of course it's not that I can't build it, it's just it's harder said than done. You know what I mean? Like right now, like I think with my parents and them, like Sal, Linda, and Pali, they do do a lot for my parents. And I'm the type of person where I'm gonna put credit where it's due. I'm not gonna take credit for anything. Yeah because I know I haven't been there. And when I am, I do try to do my best. When I am able, I do try to overextend a little bit because I know that, you know, when I was living in Eau Claire, compared to now, like when I was in Eau Claire, I try to extend as much help as I can.
ANTHONYBut you were in the cities like every weekend.
NALEEYeah, but at the same time, it's also like my parents' comfort level. If they don't feel comfortable with me, I'm also not gonna force that, you know, because they're at an age where they know, like, okay, this child could do this, this child could do this. They know that I could entertain them. They know that if they need a good laugh, yeah, I got you. I could do stupid stuff and make you laugh. But as far as like, you know, them feeling comfortable, me taking them to the hospital or, you know, stuff like that, they're not gonna rely on me. They're gonna rely on my sisters because it's what they've been doing for years. You know, like I always say to them, like, I will never take credit for something I don't do. And I give you guys so much credit. Like I appreciate you guys so much for you for what you guys do that I couldn't do for them, you know. And, you know, in the sense I do feel like people don't talk about it too, but then I feel guilty that I can't do more. Obviously, I can, but at the same time, again, it's harder said than done. They don't feel it's kind of the thing of like, I want to do it, but then they don't feel comfortable with me, and I don't want to force that either. You know what I mean? So it's kind of, I don't know, it's kind of like a double-edged sword for me, where like I want to do all these things for them, and I have all these things that I want to say, but at the same time, it's just like time and place. You know what I mean? But sometimes I do do it anyways just because I'm like, when am I gonna get the time? And also I've lived with enough embarrassment where like when it's my parents, I don't really care. Like they know, they know the problem child that I am, so I do it anyways, you know what I mean? But yeah, like I guess my whole point of this was like watching somebody you love, somebody you admire, somebody you you see as like somebody you put on a pedestal and kind of see them depleting, them deteriorating, and then at the same time, like they still kind of have an ego too, where they're like, I could do this myself. Like, you know, they don't No, go ahead, finish. Oh, but I was gonna say, like, that's also another factor too, where like and it kind of the lines are a little blurred, but it's kind of in relation to what I was saying about comfort level, where they feel like they can still do these things, but they really can't anymore. I think that's when you get forced to make adult decisions and you have to draw boundaries that you don't want to, but you have to. And that's what I that's the other part that I wanted to talk about of when you watch somebody become sick, there's things you have to call the shots and specific things, even if it's not what that person wants, but it's for their own well-being. I think that's a very hard place to be.
SPEAKER_00A thousand percent.
NALEEYeah. And you know, I I think it's it is very hard, it's very sad, it's very eye-opening, humbling, like you said, you know, taking care of somebody you love that becomes sick.
ANTHONYI think that that's gotta be the worst part of aging. Is I mean, basically what you're saying is they're losing their independence.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
ANTHONYAnd that is the most difficult part because once you start losing little pieces of independence, the obviously have I haven't experienced this personally, but I would think that once that starts happening, that's when the thoughts start creeping in of what do I have to live for? I can't I can't drive to the grocery store. I can't walk to the mailbox. And it's just it's especially when you get older, it's just one thing after another that then at a certain point it's like, well, I can't leave my house.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
ANTHONYWhat why this isn't a way to live, you know?
NALEEYeah. Maybe I'm thinking the opposite. Because if it was me, I'd take advantage, full advantage. I can't walk, go give me milk. I can't go to the mailbox, go give my own.
ANTHONYYou say that because you're not gonna be able to do that. I know that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.
NALEEIs that like maybe I'm thinking the opposite because obviously I'm not in that situation. So if those, you know, scripts are switched around, obviously I'd be like, fuck, you know, which again, I'm just trying to bring light to the situation. But at the same time, it's just like yeah, it sucks.
ANTHONYI remember when I had to finally tell my grandma, I'm like, you can't drive anymore.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
ANTHONYAnd my grandma was a bus driver for I don't know how many years. She loved driving. That was her independence and that was her freedom. So for us to have to, you know, get rid of her vehicle and she had no way of going anywhere.
SPEAKER_05Damn, that must have been hard.
ANTHONYYeah. That's like what that was probably the hardest thing for her, I think.
NALEEDamn.
ANTHONYYeah.
SPEAKER_07Okay.
NALEEYeah. I mean, my parents, we tell them not to drive, and they do it anyways. They stubborn as hell. That's why I'm stubborn as hell. Like my mom.
ANTHONYAnd that's how that's how my grand No, I want to hear your story about your mom, but like that's how that's how my grandma was. I and she's gone now, they can't do anything. I came home from work one day, and I noticed that she had a dent in her fender. And I was like, I walked in, I'm like, what the hell did you do? Because she wasn't supposed to be driving, and she's like, Well, I had to go to the bank. I don't know, she had to get money out for something, or I don't know. She had to go to the bank, so she went to the bank, and then when she was backing up, she backed into like one of the lampposts in the parking lot.
SPEAKER_05I've done that before.
ANTHONYYou're not fucking off in your case.
SPEAKER_05Uh-huh.
ANTHONYBut yeah, it's you can't stop them. And then that was the point when it was like, okay, we well, we're getting ready your car.
NALEEYeah. Yeah. I don't know. Like, no, it's tough being in that situation. It really is. Cause it's like 100%. You know, it's kind of like we're all adults. You're my parent. I love you. You're used to telling me what to do, but now it's kind of like unfortunately, I have to I have to take this away from you, you know, because you're not listening. And it, you know, it's what they always say. Like parents, they start out, they start off as parents, but when they grow older, they end up becoming kids.
ANTHONYThey become kids again, yeah. Mentally.
NALEEYeah. So it really is hard. You know, unfortunately, it is inevitable. It is a circle of life. But I think I will put into light though, I think that, or to make it a little bit more lighthearted, I think that like when you find or when you I guess, how should I word this? When your kids are people who are appreciative and they're grateful for what you do, it really pays off when you're older because they take care of you, they love
Losing Independence And Adult Decisions
NALEEyou compared to kids who are fucking ungrateful and they, you know, they do all sorts of stuff. You know, we've all heard those stories of like, you know, parents or grandparents getting to put in the nursing home and they get beat up and shit. Like, no. Like, you know what I mean? And I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna toot my horn, but I'm gonna toot my sister's horns, like my sister's horns, because like my parents, I feel like they are very lucky to have my sisters and me as entertainment, but as my sisters, because they genuinely like take care of my parents and they they really do do the best for my parents. I think sometimes they don't see it because you know they're your parents. It's never it's kind of the thing of like it's never good enough until it's like the end, you know what I mean? Um and not to say that my brothers they don't do their part, but I'm just saying that as far as like peop the the ones who carry the most heavy weight are my sisters, like Sal, Linda, and Pali, Mala. Like they really have been carrying that weight of taking care of my parents, taking care of my grandma. You know, it's not said enough. And I always tell them, like, I appreciate you guys. Like you guys, you guys do really hard work, and you know, obviously everybody in the world they go through their own struggles, but like for me, like I'm very appreciative to have my sisters because of the care that I see they put my parents in and my grandma in. And it makes me kind of sad because, you know, I'm the youngest one, and I'm not saying that they're gonna die before me, but like I'm scared I might not be able to take care of them like they do my parents. You know what I mean? So it's kind of scary. It's really sad, but at the same time, I hope I'm the lucky one that gets to go first. Knock on wood.
ANTHONYOh my God. Knock on wood. Did you have a story about your mom that you wanted to share?
NALEEWell, I was just gonna say, like, my mom is super stubborn to the point where like when we tell her not to like drive, that bitch is already gone within like four in the morning.
ANTHONYShe does it when nobody's awake because she's like, Where does she go at four in the morning?
NALEEWell, you know, she's a farmer, she goes to the garden, and her garden is like an hour away. And so then, like, we had like for the past five years, we've been arguing with her about not gardening because one, her garden is like an hour away, and two, she can't drive. And three, like, she's always complaining about her back hurting. But you know why her back hurts? It's because she goes to the garden because she's going into the garden. Yeah. Exactly. And so then, like, we finally won the battle. She finally stopped going to the garden and like having her own garden, but at the same time, like when she was still doing that, like her and my sisters would always get into like an argument, and then she'd end up still having it her way. Like, she'd still go. So it's just like, you know, as much as we love her, that's just as much as how stubborn she is. But yeah, it's it's crazy. Like when you when when people become sick and you take care of them, it's like you see everything the good, the bad, the ugly. You know what I mean? So it's just you have to that's why I give so much props to people who take care of who are caregivers, because like they they do it for people who they don't even know. You know what I mean? So it it really is a very like you have to be a very special long type of person, patient person to take care of other people.
ANTHONYA hundred percent. Yeah. Thousand percent.
NALEEYeah.
ANTHONYYou said something earlier that I just want to go back and touch on. Okay. Um, and then we can continue on because I don't know where we're at for time.
SPEAKER_07Okay, yeah.
ANTHONYOh my god, I'm only on segment one.
NALEEWhat's new?
ANTHONYUh the fact that you made this a five-segment episode.
NALEEIt's gonna be a two-part, baby. It's gonna be a two-part.
ANTHONYSo you had made a comment about you may not be able to, you know, help out with your parents as much as you would like to.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
ANTHONYI just want to comment on that as far as from personal experience. Your parents know. They know if you are or if you aren't intentionally pulling your weight. So I don't want you as your friend, I don't want you to ever feel like you're failing or coming in short from that standpoint because you're you're still young. Not that your sister's Her brothers are old, but I mean you're still young, you're living your life, and you are there for your parents. You may not be there as much as you want to be. But I I assure you, I promise you 100%, your parents see the things that you're doing, and they know that you're not you're not not spending as much time with them as you want to by choice, but they see the things that you do that you're doing. They see that you you are working, they see that you're going to do things to make a better life for yourself. And so I promise you that you're at no point are your parents are do they have any form of I don't want to say resentment or anything, that's not the right word, but like just know that they're not holding anything against you. Whereas there are the things that are I mean they're really good at guilt tripping us, so I don't know. Oh yeah, parents will guilt trip till the cows come home. But like they know, like they know if you're actively choosing to not be part of their life. Yeah. Which is not the case for you. And I d that's also for all of our viewers and listeners out there. Like your parents and your grandparents know.
NALEEYou're right, you're right. I mean, obviously I could do more, but yeah. Like I said, sometimes it's harder said than done. But yes, thank you for that reminder. Yes, I appreciate that. You're right.
ANTHONYI got you.
NALEEAll right. Anything else you want to add to this topic that we've been talking for 51 minutes about?
SPEAKER_00Uh no. Okay.
NALEEAll right. Well, segment two is is heartbreak isn't just romantic. You know, there's that kind of grief that nobody really prepares you for.
ANTHONYYeah. The one for the people that are still alive and they're just no longer part of our lives.
NALEEAnd somehow those endings can hurt just as much.
ANTHONYYeah. I don't I think I feel like this is something that a lot of people don't think about. Like like you said earlier in the episode, when people think grief, they think death.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
ANTHONYNobody ever really takes the time to consider the things that you can grieve, the loss of a job, you can grieve the loss of a spouse, you can grieve the end of a friendship.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
ANTHONYAll of these things are grief worthy and they're
Heartbreak Beyond Romance
ANTHONYthey're real.
SPEAKER_08It's there.
ANTHONYThey're real and they're your right to feel that way.
NALEEYeah.
ANTHONYDon't ever let anybody tell you how to feel.
NALEEExactly. Tell yourself how to feel. Tell yourself how to express it.
ANTHONYYes. What did you have for this topic?
NALEESo I had two, I guess. Um, but we can talk about it really briefly like we usually do. We're gonna rush through the rest of the fucking segments. We never learn. We never learn. But there's just so much to talk about. You know what I mean? There is, yeah. Um and I didn't realize it until yeah. But mine I wanted to talk about was my first heartbreak.
SPEAKER_00Tell me about it, boo.
NALEEYeah, I don't. I get I'm trying to jog through memory lane. I think my first heartbreak was this guy that really liked in elementary school.
ANTHONYYou don't even remember your first heartbreak.
NALEEI don't, because I don't break hearts. I mean, I don't get my heartbroken. I break hearts, is what I meant to say.
ANTHONYSo Oh, for fuck's sake. Fucking.
NALEEBut I think, yeah, actually, now that I think of it, I don't think I've ever had like a heartbreak before. I wanted to see what you wanted to say. That's why I wanted to talk about this topic.
ANTHONYWhat I wanted to say about my heartbreak or about your heartbreak?
NALEEAbout your heartbreak or my heartbreak. It could be either one.
ANTHONYWell, you can't even remember. Apparently, you've never even broken a heart, so we can't talk about yours.
NALEEYeah.
ANTHONYI'm not talking about mine. I'm not even gonna revisit that time of my life.
NALEEJesus. Okay. No. Was it like a okay, can I just ask a couple of follow-up questions?
ANTHONYYou can ask. Don't mean I'm gonna answer.
NALEEOkay, how long ago? How old were you when this happened? Your first heartbreak, if you remember.
ANTHONY21.
NALEEWow. Okay. 21? Okay. How did it happen?
ANTHONYYeah, we're not gonna go there. I plead the fifth.
NALEEDid you cheat on them? No. Did they cheat on you?
ANTHONYUh I'm no. I'm not gonna we're not gonna I'm not gonna discuss this.
NALEEOkay, we'll we'll circle back to this.
ANTHONYWe won't. No, we won't. That was a bad time of my life.
NALEEOh, was it?
ANTHONYMm-hmm.
NALEEOkay. Okay, I'm just kidding. I remember my first heartbreak. So I'll tell you guys about it. I think I may have talked about it too, actually. If I remember correctly. Did I ever tell you the the time that I went to the bathroom and got kissed? Remember? No. In elementary school?
unknownNo.
SPEAKER_00No.
NALEEOkay, well, anyways, some stuff happened. Some stuff transpired. But, anyways, I was a little kid. It was elementary school.
ANTHONYElementary school, bathroom, something's transpired.
NALEEThat's how I swear I told you about this. Okay, maybe not.
ANTHONYI mean, maybe you did, and I just don't remember.
NALEEProbably. You're getting old, so probab that's probably the most likely. Hey Nolly. Hey, I do that too. Oh, 20. Yeah. But it was in elementary school. I was second grade, and there's this kid that really liked me. I really liked him. And then I found out that he was writing notes to every other girl to go kiss at the bathroom. And I was one of like five. So yeah. I was really sad.
ANTHONYAnd listeners, that was how mono started around the elementary school.
NALEEIf I remember correctly, I'm gonna say because I was second grade. Yeah. Because I swear I've told you about this before. But, anyways, I was in public school and they said that I was too stupid for public school. So they took me into Among Academy, which is specifically for Hmong kids to learn or whatever. It was called Hulk Community Academy. It's probably called something else now, but I was like maybe, maybe the first, first or second class that was at that school. And then I guess when we took the tests, I was too smart to be in those kind of schools. So they put me back in public school. So first grade, I was too stupid. Second grade, I was too smart. And so then third grade, I went back to public school. And so then Jesus, sorry.
ANTHONYFourth grade, she was just right.
NALEEYeah. Stupid. And so then when I went in, when I was in elementary school, there's this kid. His name was Long Jong. There's a lot of Longjong, so that's why I'm gonna say it anyways.
SPEAKER_05But um but anyways, I can't. Anyways, I wish we had a Longjong Silvers.
NALEEStupid.
ANTHONYThat sounds real good.
NALEEI'm being serious. I am not even kidding about his name. His name was Long.
ANTHONYI know you're not.
NALEEYeah, and so then he was really cute. We really liked each other. And then this one day, he one day he wrote me a letter and he was like, hey, meet me at lunch, meet me at the bathroom at like 2 p.m. or whatever. And so then I went, met him, and then he like kissed me, and I was like, what the fuck? And then I think I liked him even more at that point because I'm like, okay, this is new. And then the next day I found out that he was doing that, he did that with another girl. And so then I was like super sad and heartbroken. And I was like, I never gonna date another Longjong ever again because they hoes. So yeah, that was my first heartbreak.
ANTHONYOkay, so I have questions. I have follow-up questions.
NALEESo is this just-be like go answer them?
ANTHONYFair. Okay, so my first question is Okay, was this outside of the bathroom or in the bathroom?
NALEESo it was kind of both. So you know how like an elementary school, you have the sink in the middle and then it splits between the girl and the boy.
ANTHONYYes.
NALEEYeah, so it was like the wall up against before entering the bathroom. So technically it's not really like in the bathroom. Yeah. Gotcha. Yeah. Okay. Also, another thing of it, we had no fucking business doing that at like second grade. The fuck? But yeah, go on.
ANTHONYI'm gonna tell you what I did. Oh Did you was this a chicken peck or was this like tongue?
NALEEI think he was my first official like slobbering kiss.
ANTHONYOh, yeah. Second grade?
NALEEYeah, yeah. It was intense.
ANTHONYI can't talk. That's okay. And then what was my other question? Oh, no, I had a I had a statement. Okay. Listeners, I just want you to rewind this and listen to her story. So she specifically says he liked her and she liked him. They really liked each other. Meanwhile, this motherfucker over here is like writing notes to every other girl in class.
SPEAKER_01He's like, Well, he picked up the only Nali on Wednesday. I got Tina on Thursday, Frida on Friday.
NALEEYeah. Well, the only reason why I knew that's Frida. The only reason why I knew that he really liked me was, you know, like during recess, the boy who picks on you the most is most likely the boy who likes you the most.
ANTHONYYeah, but ho, it doesn't sound like you were the only one he was picking on.
NALEEYeah, that's why I had my first heartbreak. Oh, so you want me to say?
ANTHONYSo the heartbreak wasn't because he broke up with you or broke your heart. The heartbreak.
NALEEHe didn't even break up with me. He just cheated on me flat out. Stupid bitch.
ANTHONYSecond grade and cheating up.
NALEEYeah. Ho ass.
ANTHONYYou know what? You know what? He's I Nolly, if it makes you feel any better, I think you dodged a bullet. Because I'm willing to put money down that he's that guy that went out to get milk and never came home.
NALEEProbably. He probably got some girl pregnant in fifth grade, for all I know. At that rate, yeah, he's probably one of those those guys. But you know what? I did dodge a bullet. Because he low-key was gonna touch my boobs, and I didn't have anything there at that time. So I'm gonna be like, the wall that you're touching. Yeah, and I'm like, the wall you're touching is just as big as how I am right now. So you probably should probably put your hand on the wall instead. Look how she turned out. He missed out. Cha-chang. Bing bong, bitch, bang bong.
ANTHONYYou should look him up on Facebook and send him a picture of yourself.
NALEEBut I don't even remember how he looked like at this point. How he looked like at this point. How you looked like.
ANTHONYAnd press the plus the plus, plus there's probably like 18,000 Longjongs.
NALEENo, there's a thousand Longjongs. Like, no doubt.
ANTHONYYeah, I know. That's what I'm saying. You ain't ever gonna find him.
NALEEI think I'm gonna find him. But yeah, that was my first heartbreak. Yeah. I was sad for like two seconds. And then there was this other guy who was Adam. Yeah, he we kissed on the bus. It was fine.
ANTHONYAgain, listeners, listen to the story. So she kissed Long Jean on Wednesday. Thursday, he kissed Tina while Nollie kissed Adam, but Noll's heart was broke. That's fucking bitch.
NALEEThis is hey, it's elementary. Puppy love, baby. We was going through it. You know, I was living my best life in second grade. Give me a fucking break.
ANTHONYYou were living your best. There is a reason you are a hoe.
NALEEThrough and through, baby. She was a hoe. From LMS. Ho's no hoes. Period. Hey Adam. Adam, what was his last name? Adam Lore, I think was his last name.
ANTHONYLore?
NALEEI'm single now. Reach out, baby.
ANTHONYDid you like him more than Longjone?
NALEEHe was cuter than Longjone.
ANTHONYHave you looked him up on Facebook?
NALEENo. There's a thousand Adam Adams too. I am about to do that. I don't even know if his last name is Law is Lore. I just know that he's a his name was Adam because he was the first Adam I've ever met.
ANTHONYSometimes I find it fun to go on and like look up people on Facebook from elementary school. Krieberman? Because I s well no, because I switched schools and so it was just a matter of like people that I liked, that I just wanted to like see whatever happened to so-and-so.
NALEEYeah, I think for me, I don't remember people's actual names to be to like search up unless I really, really, really like them. Like there's only probably three people that I know their full-on name where I'm like, yeah, I wonder what they're doing right now. Cause they was cute.
ANTHONYI mean, have you looked those people up? No?
NALEEYeah, I haven't been able to find them. But then again, I'm not really good at like doing the search. And I'm not now that I think of it, it's not that I'm not good, it's because I'm too lazy. Like it's not worth my time. You know what I mean?
ANTHONYHow many times have we had conversations about you being lazy?
NALEEMore than I can count. I can't help it. I'd rather sleep. I'd rather sleep. If your name is plenty of time to sleep with your dad. Um is your name is Taylor Vaca or what's Knut something? I forgot his name. Yeah. These they were like my like my they were my crushes in high school, middle schoolish. But you could bleep out all of those names. Thank you very much. Okay, thanks.
ANTHONYI'm gonna make you do it. I don't know how to bleep stuff. We're gonna teach you. We don't we gonna get you on that boat.
NALEEDid you want to add anything else to first heartbreaks since you didn't share a story? No. Did it affect you in any way? Like your your you know, like your life? Did it like change your perspective on anything? Did you learn anything from it?
ANTHONYOh, I learned a lot.
NALEEOh yeah?
ANTHONYYeah. Okay.
NALEEAnd I'm not gonna add on, but I'm gonna be like, are you gonna ever tell me about your first heartbreak? If I was outside of the pod?
ANTHONYYeah, I think we've talked about it before.
NALEEHave we?
ANTHONYYeah, I think so. Yeah, we Okay.
NALEEYeah, I think we've talked about it. Okay, never mind. You're right.
ANTHONYYeah.
NALEEOkay.
ANTHONYYeah.
NALEEWell, if that's the case, then I'm gonna move on to my next segment, which is missing the memories more than the person.
ANTHONYOkay.
NALEEDo you have anything you want to add to this or talk about before I add my part to aunt?
ANTHONYFor missing the memories more than the person? Yeah The only thing that I want to say about that is like personally, I mean, I guess maybe I should listen to you first because I don't think that there's anybody that I would miss the memories more than the person. Because if I've had if I've had good memories with a person, I'm going to miss the person.
NALEEOkay. Okay.
ANTHONYRegardless.
NALEESure. For me, I mean, I am, you know, I'm sure you guys all know at this point, you know, obviously with me and B, I think I could definitely relate to this topic. I think because our, you know, because we had a lot of really good memories, as far as I know, according to
Missing The Memories More Than People
NALEEme, like I think I just missed the memories that we had more than B himself. Because I think in the moment of the memories that we've created, I think it's also because for me, I did a lot of firsts with him, if that makes sense. Like, you know, he was a first person I traveled with, first person I did all these things with. And I think when it comes to memories, those are like core memories for a person. You know what I mean? So I think that is probably what I wanted to share. And also, not just in the love life, I think in relationship-wise as well, like with your friends, like, you know, people you confide in when you have like your first heartbreak, like an adult heartbreak, or you know, when you guys go out and something crazy happens and now you're like no longer friends with him. Like you think about all those crazy moments you've had, you know what I mean? And you let's say if it ended up toxic, obviously you may not like miss the person, but the memories that you've shared with them, you're like, damn, like we did some crazy shit. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
NALEESo just kind of that part of it is that like I think it's kind of like bittersweet. And to me, like, I am a very nostalgic person. I love I love nostalgia. And when it comes to like missing the memories more than the person itself, to me, that relates to me because again, I even if the person's no longer in my life, it could be to several reasons. I don't know, maybe they died, you know. Again, grief, you deal it with in different ways. But I think for me, like the memories that it holds that like for me, I take a lot of pictures of stuff, videos of stuff, and even if people aren't in my life anymore, you know, sometimes I do still look at those videos and memories and stuff like that to be like, oh damn, we did some crazy shit, or I can't believe I did that, you know, or can't believe we did that together, you know, like or you know, like, oh, this person was the first person I did this with, and so on and so forth, even if they're not in your life. And I think that's kind of the beauty of creating memories, is that even if they're no longer in your life, whether you know it ended in a bad term or a good term, you still have that to keep. You know what I mean? And it'll be yours and that other person's like thing.
ANTHONYIt's a time capsule.
NALEEYeah, a time capsule.
ANTHONYIt's like a connecting a core memory.
NALEEYeah, for sure.
ANTHONYCan I ask you? So you had mentioned like B.
NALEEMm-hmm.
ANTHONYDo you think that you are missing uh the memories? Or do you think that you're missing the thought of what you hoped you guys would be from those memories? Um Does that make sense?
NALEEYeah, it does. I think it's I think it's a little bit of both, but more so the first part of actually missing the memories. Because I think the reason why I felt like B was like our connection was so like crazy. I wouldn't say crazy, but it was like I don't know how to explain. Yeah, intense. The reason why our connection for me was really intense is because I think in some ways we like liked a lot of the same things. And so then when we did certain things, it's kind of like you it's that bond that you get with that person. You know what I mean? Where it's like, I'm never gonna have this moment, this bond, this instance, this memory with anybody else but you, this feeling, you know what I mean? And so then I think for me, it's more of the memory than it is the actual like thinking about what it could become, because at this point we can't become anything, it's just what it is, you know what I mean? And so then when you Yeah, oh yeah. Right.
ANTHONYWell, just to clarify, I didn't mean like what you would be now, but I mean we okay, so just for an example, let's say the very first Christmas that you guys spent together. When you think back on that memory, are you missing the memory of what was happening in that moment? Or are you missing the memory of you in that moment thinking like looking at him and saying, Oh, I can see forever, and now snap back to reality, you're like, that forever's not happening. So are you like, are you grieving over the memory itself, or are you grieving over what you had hoped would become of the two of you in that moment from that memory?
NALEEOkay. I think for me, it's the first one. Yeah, no, I get it. Okay. For me, bent neck lady. For me, it's the first part. It's not really like what I would have hoped it to become. Like, oh, I'm gonna do this for the next 80 years of my life. Nah, it's not that. I think it's the like it's the in the moment kind of thing where like it's the expression, it's the feeling, it's the the taste, the smell, you know what I mean? Like it's the everything. It's the everything in the moments that we shared where it's like, damn, like it was very special. But then again, I think because of how I am, I you know, I love love. I'm a lover girl, and I'm also a Pisces, and you know, y'all could judge me or whatever, but I think we are very like we are very, I wouldn't say delusional, but we are very intuitive and we're very in our field. Fucking bitch. Like we really we appreciate closeness, you know, and I think when there's certain levels certain levels of intimacy involved, not intimacy doesn't necessarily mean sex, it just means like the tension, you know. And I think for me it's that's probably a better way to say it. I think B and I's like intimacy level, I think I have never experienced that with somebody else. That's why for me it was so, you know, it was so intense, it was so like memorable. You know what I mean? Where it's like, oh, he stood out in these kinds of moments. Sometimes it could be limerence where like, you know, I think like at the moment right after everything happened and I was still kind of grieving through like my actual reality. I think for a moment there it was limerence where I was like, I don't know if you know what limerence is. Do you know what limerence is? No, it's kind of like an intense romantic obsession or infatuation with like a specific person or object or whatever, where you're just like, you know, like you forget about logic. Logic's out the door, and you're just trying to fix it's kind of like you're trying to get a it's like a drug, you're trying to get a fix from it. You know what I mean? So I think I was in limerence a lot when B and I were first going through separation where I was in denial that it was actually happening. I was in denial of the reality of the situation. And I think at that moment, like I wasn't ready to grieve it. But I think at this point, because so much time has already passed, and I would like to think that I'm an emotionally intelligent person. It's not so much of missing him, it's missing the memories we created together. But then again, because you're asking about him, that's just kind of my point of view. Like, obviously, you know, things have been said and done. Of course, I don't wish him ill or anything, but as far as like the memories we created, I think, like I said, because he's he's my first for a lot of things, it just makes it a Little bit more special. You know what I mean? Right. If that makes sense. But uh obviously I could have first with a lot of other people too. So it to me, I've realized it's not that serious. Like I could die tomorrow. It ain't that serious.
ANTHONYYou could die tomorrow.
unknownYeah.
ANTHONYThere's always gonna be a new first.
NALEEExactly.
ANTHONYAnd then it's also important to note that there's always going to be a last, and you never know when it's going to be that last. I saw this thing the other day on TikTok, and it was like one of those scrolling things. And they were, it was like, I don't know, it was, you know, something along the lines of one day you, you know, took a nap for the very last time in kindergarten. One day you That's deep. Yeah. And if you think about it, like you never know.
NALEELow-key, that's not the direction I thought you were going in. But yeah.
ANTHONYWhere did you think I was going?
NALEEYou took a nap and then you died and you never woke up. But then you added in kindergarten. So I'm like, oh, okay, we're safe. We're good.
ANTHONYIt's just it's just like last things, last things that you never think about. Like one time was one time you're gonna you walked out of high school.
NALEEYeah.
ANTHONYLike you're the building for the very last time.
NALEEYeah. Yeah, there's that's very true. There's a lot of firsts, and there will always be a lot of lasts. You just have to prepare for when it does come and hope that you don't fucking crash out. You know?
ANTHONYYeah.
NALEEYeah.
ANTHONYSo my my question to you, my final question on this.
NALEEDid I even answer your question? I don't know. Yeah. I spat a little bit.
ANTHONYYeah, you did. You weaved.
NALEEYeah. Making shit up in my ass, but yeah.
ANTHONYBut my question with regards to no, it wasn't. It's not. My question in regard to your answer and your response though is I felt like I was getting a vibe that like you can't enjoy those memories anymore. Is that the case for you?
SPEAKER_05Hell no. No. I think Yeah, I think for me that's unfortunate. Maybe, maybe, like, maybe you word it differently than I thought. What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean?
ANTHONYLike, do you okay? So let's, again, we'll just use the example of year and bee's first Christmas. Like, do you look back on that with fond memories, or is it a memory that you're like, I don't even want to, like, do you just not want to think of any memories with B?
NALEEOh, no, no, no, no, not at all. No, like, no.
ANTHONYLike, I just want to make sure you're grateful for those memories.
NALEEYes. Yeah, that's why I think I think that's why I still, you know, speak very highly of our relationship that we had, because of how I personally think how beautiful the relationship was from my end, where like everything we've done, I will always, I will always treasure it. Like, again, I'm a very sentimental person too. Even if I'm not with him, that's okay. I hope he's creating new memories with somebody else. Because I will too. You know what I mean? But at the same time, it's not that like I can't miss those memories because they were good times. They were happy times. You know what I mean? So it's not like I'm like, oh my God, just because this happened, fuck him, like fuck those memories. No, not at all. I I went through it, it happened. Okay. And, you know, unfortunately, it is where it is. But it doesn't mean that those moments at that time were not beautiful moments.
ANTHONYRight. You know what I mean? Okay. Okay. Yeah. Perfect.
NALEEYeah. Cause I would like to think that I'm not a bitter person because again, I think I've come to realize it's not that serious. It is what it is. People make their choices. You gotta kind of deal with it, you know, and move on. Yeah. Work through it, move on. And, you know, if and I I just hope the same thing for him. Where like if he thinks about our first Christmas, he'd be like, damn, like, you know, it was a really good Christmas. You know what I mean? Maybe, maybe not. But I'd be hopeful because again, at that time we were in love. At that time, we were feeling all these feelings. And two things can be true at the same time, like we always say. Yes, it's sad that we're not together. We don't have a we're, you know, we're not together anymore. But it's also true that at that time we loved each other. At that time we had a good time. At that time, you know, it was a genuine moment. You know what I mean? So of course, like just because something didn't happen or something didn't go my way doesn't mean that it still wasn't, it still didn't happen. You know what I mean?
ANTHONYRight. Yeah. I think my question stemmed from, you know, like you watch all these cliche like romance movies where they, you know, get the girl gets dumped, and then it's like the girlfriends come over and they're like, we're gonna tear up all the pictures and we're gonna have a fire. And it's like, well, why? Like, I get that you broke up, but those are memories that you made. And at the time, in the moment, they were genuine and sincere emotions just because things didn't like I think you put it perfectly, just because things didn't work out the way that you wanted them to.
NALEEYeah. It's funny you say that too, because like I actually just finally deleted a lot of like the photos that I had of B in my phone. And but like I sent like good photos of him that I had left to his sisters and them and said, you know, like, and I said that I was gonna do that. I'm not, again, I'm not a bitter person. Again, I still have a lot of love for him. I don't want him to die, whatever. But like I deleted the stuff from my Facebook, from my Instagram, from my from my phone. But at the same time, it didn't all go to waste. I had some, I got some good photos out of it and I sent it to his siblings, you know, and be like, hey, you know, these are photos that I cherish, I valued over the years. And of course, they're not all the best ones because obviously, like, he's still a goofy person, he's still silly on his own, and they know that part of him too. But it doesn't mean that just because I'm mad at him or I feel bitter or a certain type of way means that those photos are gonna go to waste. No, not at all. In those moments, I took of it because it made me happy, it made me smile. He was silly, you know? And I'm, you know, obviously I want to share it with his sisters because I'm I'm gifting that to them. That's what I created, and I'm gifting it to them, and I'm gonna leave it with them and I'm gonna let go of it kind of a thing. You know what I mean?
ANTHONYIf they want to throw it away or if they don't want them, that's on them.
NALEEExactly. And so then I think for me, that's healthy for me because again, people might process it differently, people process grief differently. And I think for me, that was like my final like, I'm done. Like, we're good. Like, you know, I I don't have I think I've worked through the thing that I needed to, and that was kind of like my final step of as like, hey, you know, it is what it is, this is a situation, you know, and sa-da sah kind of a thing, you know.
SPEAKER_00Hey, sadah, sada.
NALEEYeah.
SPEAKER_00But good for you.
NALEEThank you. I mean, I was planning on doing it for a long time, but I was sick and I couldn't get up. So I had to do something. But yeah.
SPEAKER_00I can't. I can't let you.
NALEEDid you have anything else to add to the missing the memories more than the person? Boy bye. I wish.
ANTHONYNo, I don't think so. Okay.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
ANTHONYWhat was your topic? I don't remember. Friend breakups.
SPEAKER_08Okay.
ANTHONYWhy are you laughing? No, it's not that I don't want to talk about it. I think I'm trying to think of how to phrase this. I feel like we've talked for uh Okay, so I want to preface with I feel like we've talked about this before. So when it comes to like friend breakups.
NALEEYeah, I think we've talked about it a couple of times already, but yeah.
ANTHONYYeah, so I mean we can just kind of gloss over this. Yeah. Long story short, friend breakups happen. It it can be at no one's fault, just life goes different ways, yeah, or things may happen. And I think that like we said earlier, this is it's definitely one of those situations where you can grieve. I mean, there are friends that I no longer have in my life that I now would probably categorize them more of like acquaintances. But again, I went through the whole grieving process. It is a two-way street, so I'm not by any means putting the blame on anyone in particular.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
ANTHONYBut it's just it is what it is,
Friend Breakups And Self Awareness
ANTHONYand it's you grieve the situations, you cherish the memories, and you keep going.
NALEEYeah. I yeah, I I fully believe in that too. Um, I think I've said this before, but like low-key friendship breaks breakups, low-key hurts more than an actual relationship breakup because they know it. Like they know you through and through, they know the shit that you've done, they like they know all the all your secrets, you know. And yes, it sucks, but at the same time, like you said, friendships are a two-way street. And I mean, that goes to every relationship, but especially friendships. Like when you I think with friendships, obviously ego plays a part into both relational and like like love and you know, like friendship-wise, like platonic friendships, but I think when it comes to friendship relationships, I think ego plays a really big part of whether I want to say sorry to this person or whether I want to reach out or don't come for me. It could be like a toxic friend or whatever, you know what I mean? So, but I don't know what I was trying to say, but yeah.
ANTHONYNo, I think I I understood what you said. I hope our listeners did too. I often find myself think I think about like my past relationships and friendships. And then it's like, what's that TikTok that was going around that was like, Am I the problem? Is that what it was?
SPEAKER_00Am I the problem? Or am I the am I the drama?
NALEEAm I the Am I the drama? Yeah. Um the what what does your famous Tay Tay always say? Hey, it's me. The problem it's me. Yeah.
ANTHONYI was like, which line are we talking about now?
NALEEYeah, sometime it do be. Sometime you do be the toxic one.
ANTHONYYeah. And I that's the first step in self-awareness, listeners.
SPEAKER_07Yeah. Yep, yep, yep.
ANTHONYBeing able to acknowledge and ask yourself, like stepping back and like because I will admit this, like from my younger days, and even some of the friends that I'm no longer friends with. Yeah. Like at the time, it was always like, well, they did me wrong. Or that they were in the wrong. But like growing up, it's and now it's like, okay, well, maybe maybe I did something.
NALEEMaybe I did something wrong.
ANTHONYMaybe I'm the problem.
NALEEYeah. But it is what it is. Like it is what it is. It's that thing of if they kept gnawing and they made it through the fucking threshold of thick and thin, then they're still here. If they didn't, then they just didn't make the cut. You know what I mean?
ANTHONYRight. So that's part of life.
NALEEYeah, you just have to accept things for what they are, allow yourself some grace, but also acknowledge where you fucked up or what you did wrong, and yeah, you know, move on from it.
ANTHONYYeah. And I think it's very important to note, especially when it comes to like friendships, just know that as you get older, your friendship circle is gonna get smaller. And like I remember when I was in my 20s and I was just starting to go out, like, ah, it's friends with fucking everybody. Ah, black texting everybody left and right. What are we doing? We're going out, let's do this, blah, blah, blah. And then as you get older, the circle gets smaller. And it's important to note that people that you were friends with then, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna feel confident in saying this percentage, even though I don't know the actual statistic. 100% of the time, not all of those people are going to be in your life the entire way.
NALEEYeah. Like I say, or as our as Kiki says, people, you know, people come and go and seasons change. So yeah. I mean, people they're, you know, for parts of your life, and if they're meant to stay, they will. And like you said, friendships are like, what is it, a house? A tree. Is it a house? A tree. Yeah. Some are branches, some are roots.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Yeah. Some are leaves.
NALEEYeah.
ANTHONYYeah.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
ANTHONYThat's a Madea. That's a Medea saying.
NALEEPeriod.
ANTHONYI got that from Miss Medea.
NALEEYes, it dooby what it doobie.
ANTHONYIt dooby what a doobie.
NALEEIt is what it is, is what it is.
ANTHONYPeriod. Point blank period.
NALEEYeah. All right.
ANTHONYAll right.
NALEEWell, our next segment is Growing Up Means Letting Go.
ANTHONYI don't think anyone tells you that becoming an adult means constantly having to say goodbye.
NALEEYeah, to people, to places, and honestly, even to versions of yourself. God damn.
ANTHONYThat part hit home.
NALEEYep.
ANTHONYSometimes the person that you're grieving is the old you.
NALEEPeriod. All right. So my topics is gonna be, I'm gonna just put them together. So the first one is becoming more independent. And then I'm gonna ask this afterwards, after you go over your topic. But the what I wanted to talk about was what would your younger self think of you today? Jesus, what the hell was that?
ANTHONYI was wondering if you were paying attention.
NALEEI always pay attention. I may be spacey, but I always pay attention. That I will tell you. That's like one of my like
Growing Up Means Letting Go
NALEEmy things. But anyways, yeah, my quirks. What I wanted to say was I think for me, this hit hard, the sit home pretty hard, because I think growing up super sheltered by my parents, even now I still see it with my siblings sometimes, is that like when you're very sheltered, it's very hard for you to be independent because you're so used to being reliant either on like your siblings or your parents or doing things together. Whereas when you're by yourself, like you kind of get confined by the thought of, oh, I can't do this alone. Like, I need somebody to go with me, I need somebody to do this with me. I think for me, I struggled a lot with that when I was when I first moved into Eau Claire. Because the thing is, you know, I was an adult, I was on my own. I drove, but I didn't have anybody around me that I knew. And, you know, B was at work and I was by myself. And at that time, I was in a new town, new city. I don't know anything, I don't know anywhere, I don't know anyone. I don't know shit about fuck pretty much at that point. And so then I think me being put in that situation really forced me to become a little bit more independent. I mean, I think overall I've always been independent, but I think being in that situation, it involved me to be an independent adult, an independent adult compared to a kid who could ask their sister to take him to the store or whatever. And I think having that really shaped me to who I am today, where like I don't wait for nobody. It's either one, you're gonna go, or I'm gonna go, peace out. I ain't got time. And I think anybody who knows me knows that. Where like I'm like, uh, I'm gonna go to Chicago. If y'all wanna go, tag along. If you don't, peace out. I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that. If you guys wanna go, tak along. But if you don't go, I'm gonna go, kind of a thing. You know what I mean?
ANTHONYAnd I know that's not a real ghetto, but we know your hood, El Dorado Boulevard.
NALEEPeriod. That's where it started. That's where it started, baby.
ANTHONYThe hood. The hood of Eau.
NALEEThe hood of O'Claire. It ain't even that scary. Fuck you. Fuck y'all's. But, anyways, I'm just kidding. I'm like demure and like quiet now. So, anyways, but yeah, I think becoming more independent, it just helps you in the long run. Like 100%. Yeah, it just helps you in the long run. Like, it's something, it sounds stupid, but it's something I'm teaching Polly right now. Like, you know, obviously when we're living to we live together, and you know, I think she's used to doing things with like my other sister and stuff like that. But I'm just like, girl, if you want to do it, just do it. Like, if I can't go, just if you want to go, just go. Like, don't wait for me. You know what I mean? Like, don't let me hold you down doing something that you actually want to do, you know? Like the Chris Brown concert, like my first concert together, technically, but the thing is like, I'm gonna go. Like, I've been doing things by myself. What is this gonna hurt? You know, kind of a thing. And like I always say, you're always alone. It's either you miss out on the opportunity or you do it and you know, put your best foot forward. And if it doesn't turn out the way it does, at least you can say, Hey, I tried, you know?
ANTHONYYou you miss out on a hundred percent of the chances you don't take.
NALEEExactly. Period.
ANTHONYBut it's easier said than done because I need to I need to take that advice. That's something that I I like I personally I feel like I'm a very independent person, but there are certain things that like I don't do because I don't want to do them on my own. So that's what I need to work on.
NALEEYeah. I know I think I'm past that threshold. It's just like Yeah, I think you are too. The world is my oyster. Who wants to go? Let's go. If you don't want to go, I'm gonna go either either way. Bye-bye. That was my Medea coming out. But yeah, I don't think I sounded like her. Yeah, but I don't know. I think it it's exactly what I'm saying. Yeah, fucking bitch. I think it's exactly what you said, where a hundred of the things, or whatever you said, a hundred percent of the chances you're gonna be able to do it.
ANTHONYYou miss out on a hundred yeah, you miss out on a hundred percent of the chances you don't take.
NALEEYeah, and I think to me, I've come to like I've come to realize again, it comes to what if I die tomorrow? Like, take your shot. What's it gonna hurt?
ANTHONYLike, the only thing it's gonna hurt is your goddamn bank account.
NALEEYeah, or your guts. Do what you gotta do. I'm just kidding. But anyways, but you know, like I'm just saying is that what I'm just saying is that, like, yes, it's scary, but isn't it fun? Like, you know what I mean? Like, isn't it like what if you take that risk and it turns out to be the best decision you've ever made?
ANTHONYExactly.
NALEEYou know what I mean? Like, that's the thing, is that I mean, I don't want to promote like thrill seeking or whatever it's called, where you're like, I'm gonna pack off my bags and just leave. But sometimes you never know. That could be, you know, exactly. That could be like the best decision of your life.
ANTHONYAnd that's that's literally like eat pray love with Julia Roberts. Like, just do it.
NALEEYeah, just do it. But yeah, that's what I wanted to talk about. What about you? Do you have anything to add to that?
ANTHONYLast thing that I'm gonna say about people becoming more independent, I think that that is something that I really would encourage to people, and even myself, I should like I I feel like the pot calling the kettle black. Because I need, I'm not gonna lie, I need to take my advice as well and become more independent. I'm not that I'm not independent, but I need to become more independent.
NALEEYeah.
ANTHONYAnd I this is gonna be a little controversial. My next statement. People going, we're gonna get canceled.
NALEEWe've said that like a thousand times on this podcast. We're fine.
ANTHONYThat's true, and we're gaining traction.
NALEEYeah, for now.
ANTHONYUm I low-key feel bad for people who are not independent just because they're putting themselves in a position, and I'm not gonna say who, but I have I do know people who've experienced this, but they're putting themselves in a bad position for God forbid when and if something were to happen, that they're forced to be on their own. They don't know how to be on their own. Like you like, just for an example, let's say you're married and you rely so much on your spouse who takes care of the house or and or pays the bills, or you know, does the lawn mowing and does the A, B, and C, and then God forbid one day they're not there, whether that be, you know, separation, divorce, medical ailment, or God forbid, loss of life. Yeah, now that person's left there and they're like, Oh God, I've I've never had to pay the telephone bill before. How do I do that?
NALEEYeah.
ANTHONYOr I have to get somebody to change the septic tank in the in the backyard or whatever. Like, I don't know how to do that. Like, yeah, it's unfortunate that you're now at this stage in life and you don't even know how to do the basic survival things. Yeah. Right.
SPEAKER_07Yeah. Yeah.
ANTHONYSo I do I low-key feel bad for those people, and I just want to encourage everybody to increase their independence.
NALEEYeah. It's just kind of like riding a bike. Like once you, you know, once you practice. Yeah. Once you take off, it it just it just you just muscle memory, you know.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
NALEEAnd just speaking from a fellow codependent person, it's I'm gonna say it again, I've said it before, but it's very empowering. Like you see what you're truly capable of. And I think it puts you in a mind state or mind state, oh my God, a state of mind in a mindset I wish. Of like What can't I do? You know? What can I do?
ANTHONYPush the envelope.
NALEEYeah.
ANTHONYSee what you can do. That's just how that's how you're gonna find out what is meant for you.
NALEEYeah. We're not telling you to go jump off a cliff and imagine a parachute. No. We're telling you to Well some people maybe. True. Float.
ANTHONYI'm just kidding.
NALEEYou know, hug the ear, like we've said before. But oh shit. But you know, like it you you never know. You never know what you're capable of until you actually try it.
ANTHONYUntil you try it. Again, you miss out on 100% of the chances you don't take.
SPEAKER_01Pew pew, motherfucker. Pew pew from twin tangents, motherfucker.
ANTHONYOkay. Is that too much?
NALEEDid I need to want to talk about?
ANTHONYSo my topic for this segment was reinventing yourself. We've talked about it before. There's that old sage-wise saying that's like you can reinvent yourself at 25, you can reinvent yourself at 35, you can reinvent yourself at 45. Do what you want to do. I what did I see the other day? I saw something. Yeah, I'm gonna scratch that. I don't remember what it was. I mean, I I remember what it
Reinventing Yourself And Confidence
ANTHONYwas, but I don't build up.
NALEEI was like, well, what?
ANTHONYI remember what it was, but I don't remember exactly how it went. But it was basically saying, like, if you see a piece of clothing that you like, who cares what other people are gonna think about you? If you like it, you wear it. You're not wearing it for other people, you're wearing it for yourself.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
ANTHONYAnd I don't God, I wish I could remember what I heard that on or watched that on because I don't know why, but for some reason that really resonated with me because I think there's like there's certain clothing items that like I would love to be able to wear, but I don't I I've never felt the competence to wear them because of I was always worried about like, well, what are people gonna think about me wearing this? Yeah. And clothing. It's such it's such a cliche, like such a first world. Superficial. Yeah, such a superficial thing to do. But it really resonated with me, and I was like, it really made me think. And I was like, you know what? I'm going to.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, dig it.
ANTHONYWhat do you say is I'm just gonna buy something and go that I would that I like that I know that would get, you know, double takes. I'm just fuck them.
NALEEI have a reflection for you. Take it as what you told me the other day when I was there. When you said, Oh, I like your s I like you got skinny. I like your shirt. Not that ugly pants though. Remember when you said that to me? I thought that pants was cute as hell. Polly don't let me out of that house because she said it was cute as hell. Stephanie was cute as hell, but you were like, you would have ugly ass pants. And I'm like, these are cute. What do you mean? But you know, like wear it for the phone.
ANTHONYI thought they were ugly and you loved them.
NALEEYeah.
ANTHONYYeah.
NALEEThe thing you have to realize is regardless of if you wear it or not, there's always gonna be somebody who's gonna judge you. There's always gonna be somebody who's gonna be like, yes, girl, yes.
ANTHONYThere's always gonna be an asshole like Anthony that's like, girl, what's with them shorts?
NALEEYeah. I was like, these cute things? Eh, but but I agree with that too. And I think I need to take that advice for myself because I'm also very like self-conscious, you know? And yeah, I think sometimes you just gotta fake it till you make it when it comes to confidence. Like, so what? So what if I'm wearing a skimpy ass dress? You jealous? You know what I mean? Like, I don't know.
ANTHONYIf you're referring to the lingerie that you wore, so stupid.
NALEENo, again, we'll put it right here. Not that top, not that top, no, lingerie. But I'm just saying it's a top. I'm just saying that, like, you know, it's again, you could get divorced at 25, buy a house at 45, and get your tongue pierced at 85. I don't know, do what you gotta do. But yeah, do it because you want to, not for others.
ANTHONYDo it because you want to. There's no rule saying that you're not allowed to reinvent yourself. And when in doubt, I think love her or hate her. I think she is a very good example of reinventing yourself, even if it may be superficial, and even if your bank account may not allow this. But Kim Kardashian is a really good example of reinventing herself.
NALEEYeah, no, I'm proud of that bitch.
ANTHONYIt well, I wouldn't go that far.
NALEEBut Well, obviously not right now. She's a little cray, but I'm talking about like I know what you mean. Not that she's crazy, but she a little, she a little some some.
ANTHONYShe she a little something. Yeah. Um But like if you look at her over the years, aesthetically you can you can clearly see the difference. But yeah, if you look behind behind that surface level, you can tell that she clearly reinvented herself and was living. I mean, granted, it was probably for publicity and like everything that went along with that. Taylor Swift, an even better version of somebody who reinvents herself.
NALEEMe, an even better person other than Taylor Swift reinventing herself.
ANTHONYYou've completely re-inv I'm not kidding. You've completely reinvented yourself after everything that you've been over or been through in the last 12 months.
NALEEYeah.
ANTHONYLike the golly that is sitting before.
NALEEShe's delusional now. She straight up.
ANTHONYYou've always been delusional. You've always been delusional, but in a good way.
NALEEI guess you're right.
ANTHONYBut like the golly that's sitting in front of me now is Sorry, I'm like having a fucking wire attack.
NALEEWe don't cry anymore.
ANTHONYThis is don't take this the wrong way, but the golly that's sitting here is ten times better than the golly from before.
NALEEPeriod.
ANTHONYYou just exude so much more than what you did before. So much more confidence. Except for those damn shorts.
NALEEHey, I was confident then, bitch. You just made me care.
ANTHONYListeners, viewers, and Nolly, there's nothing wrong with your shorts. They were nice shorts. They're just, it just, they were very vintage. They were like 90s, like baggy.
NALEEI think you just haven't seen me in that style. That's why. I have even baggier shorts than those. And you probably would say that those are even uglier. But I think it's just because you haven't seen me wear clothes like that before. So it's different for you. I wasn't slutty, that's why.
ANTHONYNo. Yeah. That's what it was. You're right. You it wasn't slutty. Yeah. Yeah, I think that that's part of it. And then I think the other part of it was like.
SPEAKER_05Honestly? Yeah. The slutty part. A thousand percent.
ANTHONYI think I think that was part of it. And then I think honestly, the other part of it was more a little bit more superficial, where I'm like, girl, you looking good. You lost all this weight. Well, you gotta cock it up those baggy ass shorts. Why are you hiding? Why are you hiding what you've been working on?
NALEEThat's true. It's just a side note or side tangent. That day, remember I told you after I met up with you. I went and had dinner with B's sister, right? Yeah. And she was like, You look different. I don't know what it is, but you look different. She looks happy. She's happy. She's sleeping. No, listen. She's like, no. She's like, Did you dye your hair? And I'm like, yeah, I did dye my hair. And then she's like, oh, that's probably why you look so different. I'm like, yeah, I look like a bitch now. And then she's like, no, but it looks different. I'm like, I mean, I did lose a lot of weight. And she had the audacity to say, you did it? And I was like, girl, you know what? Okay. You're right though, because I did look, I did look really baggy. Like my outfit was not flattering, I will tell you that.
ANTHONYBut you can still tell that you've lost weight. I'm gonna say, in her defense, she probably hasn't seen you in a while.
NALEEBut shouldn't that give her more shouldn't that give her more reason to see that I've changed? You know what I mean? I don't know. I feel like I feel like the longer you go without seeing somebody and then you you you see them again and they lose a significant amount of weight, you'd be like, damn, she lost weight. But I would feel like it's like She's like, you think so? Really?
ANTHONYSee, I yeah, I would feel like it's the opposite because it's like I I'm not gonna remember if I haven't seen you in 12 months, I can vaguely remember what you look like then. I can. And you might not be able to get like the proportions right. Whereas if I'm seeing you every week, I can see the progression and see the change.
NALEEI don't know. I feel the opposite. I feel like if I haven't seen you for a long time and then I see you again, I'd be like, oh damn. But then I've if I see you so much, I'd be like, you look the same. Like I can't tell. You know what I mean? See, like if I were to saw you two days ago, I can't tell.
ANTHONYI feel like if I were to see Courtney tomorrow, I would be like, you look the exact same. Because I haven't seen her in over a year.
NALEEI don't know. I don't know. I know, I I don't know. I mean, I I saw Courtney and I'm like, girl, I know you lost weight, and she did lose weight. So I mean I don't know. Maybe it's just maybe it's just me. Do it lady. Do it later. Exactly. But yeah, you know, back to your topic. It's never too late to reinvent yourself. Buy that shirt, buy that bikini, you know, get that banana hammock. I'm pretty sure that's what Anthony was talking about.
ANTHONYIt partially, sort of, actually. Sort of sort of.
NALEEBut I know. I know, baby. I knew. I know you. Yeah, and so then, you know, it's it's okay to reinvent yourself. You know, sometimes you have to. Sometimes you have to do that to boost your confidence, to change the way you think, to it sounds superficial, but to prove to others that bitch, you ain't gonna die. That's it.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
NALEEYou know, and you're not scared of change, and you're growing. So it's okay to reinvent yourself. Did you have anything else to add? Oh, go ahead.
ANTHONYOh, I was just gonna say, all I can think of now is that scene. I think we've talked about this before, that scene on Sex in the City, the movie when she gets left and then she dyed her hair. Oh, she dyed her hair. After Big left her and they were supposed to get married, and then she went, she did her hair brown, and she reinvented herself and she was like, Exactly. Didn't last very long. She still married that motherfucker.
NALEEBut regardless, it's do do what makes you feel good, honestly. If cutting your hair makes you feel good, if putting on a ton of makeup makes you feel good, if putting on no makeup makes you feel good, sucking on that dick makes you feel good, do what you gotta feel.
SPEAKER_01I was just gonna say sucking that dick in the bathroom stall at quick trick. Do what you gotta do.
NALEEDo what you gotta do as long as it makes you feel good. But twin tangents. Anyways, my last thing I wanted to go over is what would your younger self think of you today, Anthony?
ANTHONYYou know, we've talked about this before. You've asked this exact same question before.
NALEEYeah, but we're two different people now, you know?
ANTHONYWe're two different people now. I think that my younger self would be impressed with the resilience and the things that I've gone through.
NALEEYou deserve a clap.
ANTHONYAnd period. Still low-key be disappointed that we're not as rich and famous as we wanted to be.
SPEAKER_05Valid. Valid.
ANTHONYBut I th I think that my younger self would definitely see the struggles that I've gone through and the growth that I've had over the past I don't know, 10 years. Now, same question to you. What would your younger self think of you today?
NALEEShe can be like, damn, you cool as fuck. Like, yeah. You awesome. That's all I could say. Like, I don't think I give enough credit to myself on how resilient I've been. I don't.
ANTHONYYou don't?
NALEEI try to stay humble, you know, for the most part.
ANTHONYBut I agree.
NALEEAnd like realistically, I think I talk a lot of shit. I do sound like the conceited person, but yeah, I do.
SPEAKER_00No, you don't. I oh okay.
NALEEWell, anyways, I mean, I know I'm cute. I know I got ass, I know I got tits. I'm gonna flaunt that shit. But when it comes to like the actual like non-superficial sh superficial stuff, like when it comes to like the deep stuff, I think I try to be a little bit more humble, but I don't give myself enough credit to honestly see, I'm a self-cocky now. How much I change people's lives and how resilient I am from where I've been to now.
ANTHONYI don't think that that's cocky at all. And for what it's worth, I don't think you've ever come off like cocky. If anything, you just come off as confident.
NALEEOh, really? That's shocking.
unknownOkay.
ANTHONYI think that you're very confident.
NALEEThank you. I I hope I feel. I hope I I give off confident.
ANTHONYYou do.
NALEEBut yeah, I mean, that that's what she would say to herself. And I also have the little thing that you said to your uh uh yourself too. I'm a little disappointed. You ain't a porn star and making money right now and getting fucked. That's it.
ANTHONYWell, you are getting fucked. You're just not a porn star.
NALEEHey, you better bleed that shit out. I'm not getting fucked. I'm getting fucked financially. You're right. You're right. I'm getting fucked financially.
ANTHONYWe all getting fucked by Uncle Sam, and it ain't that good.
NALEEExactly. Period, you bitch. But anyways.
ANTHONYOh, what are we supposed to tell our listeners that you're the virgin fucking Mary over there?
NALEEYeah.
ANTHONYOh, okay.
NALEEI'm the re-forgive, for I have sinned.
ANTHONYLet me get on my knees.
NALEEOkay, okay, okay. All right. Do you have anything else to add?
ANTHONYI don't. I don't. Buy the things, take the trip, make the memories.
NALEEYou could die tomorrow. Just remember that.
ANTHONYWould you rather die?
NALEEI'm gonna put that on the shirt. You could die tomorrow.
ANTHONYYou should. Would you rather die sitting in the chair, eating chocolates, watching soap operas?
NALEEOr getting part of your leg bitten off by a shark. Which one's better?
ANTHONYOh my god, did you just hear about that 15-year-old girl? There was a 15-year-old girl. I don't remember what where she was, but she there was a shark attack and she lost her left hand and left foot.
NALEEDid she survive?
ANTHONYYeah.
NALEEWhoa. Okay.
ANTHONYCan you imagine being 15 and now you are a double amputee?
NALEELike Okay, but on the flip side, that's kind of cool because you could have a bionic arm and a bionic leg. Bitch. So you have robot. Come on.
ANTHONYThat's yeah, you gotta get that approved by insurance first, remember?
NALEEYeah, and then her arms could automatically do this. So she ain't gotta work a day in her life. Okay, so we were on segment four. Heartbreak makes people weird. All right. We've been emotional long enough.
ANTHONYLet's talk about the absolutely unhinged things people do after getting their heart broken.
NALEEBecause grief may be universal.
ANTHONYBut so is making terrible decisions afterwards.
SPEAKER_08Alright.
ANTHONYI don't like this segment.
SPEAKER_08Yeah. What was your topic?
ANTHONYOh, I was just about to ask you that. So my topic was gonna be sad playlists that somehow make you feel worse or healed. Do you have a go-to playlist?
NALEEI don't, but I do now. I didn't, but I do now. Y'all already know it is it it consists of Adele, my girl, Leona Lewis.
ANTHONYOoh, that's a good one.
NALEEAnd then a bunch of fucking raving songs.
ANTHONYOh, really?
NALEEYeah.
ANTHONYFor being sad?
NALEEYeah.
ANTHONYOh, interesting.
NALEEYeah.
ANTHONYBecause I'm in my rave girl era.
NALEEYeah, I'm in my rave girl era. And yeah, it consists of that
Sad Music And Post Breakup Choices
NALEEand Camila Cabello. I have some really good songs of hers. Right? What else? That's pretty much it. Yeah.
ANTHONYOh, go ahead.
NALEEI was gonna say some some like monk songs, but yeah.
ANTHONYDo you listen to them to cry or to lash out, or what mood do you achieve with listening to said playlist?
NALEEHonestly, it's more to just sing my heart out.
ANTHONYOkay.
NALEEYeah.
ANTHONYNice. I love that.
NALEEYeah, I think before. I think before it was sad, but I d like for me, I'm sad. I'm more of a not a playlist person, I'm more of watching something sad. So like you know, Grey's Anatomy, that sad part with Danny Duquette. Danny Duquette, I watch that obviously to cry, but I watch more sad stuff, playlists as far as like music and stuff. Yeah, I just listen to sing. I don't know what else going with that, but what about you?
ANTHONYWell that no, that was it. I'm just I'm a music person. I really enjoy listening to music and the lyrics. Okay. And there are certain and we've talked about this, there's certain songs that'll make me cry.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
ANTHONYBut I don't know. Sometimes in these situations, it's just I I'll just put on a playlist just to sit and be in my feels.
NALEEOkay.
ANTHONYIt's as simple as that.
unknownYeah.
NALEENothing special. Oh, Benson Boone is also one that I crash out to.
ANTHONYThe time of my life.
NALEEYes. I think I told you that already. Yeah, I was crashing out hella hard the other day.
ANTHONYDid you watch the music video yet?
NALEEI did, yeah. It's it's pretty sad. Yeah.
ANTHONYThat's good. It's good music video.
NALEELet's see. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I feel like I feel like I'm I wouldn't say that I suppress my feelings because I think I do feel my feels, but I'm I'm also kind of like, I feel like I don't sit in sadness for a long time. I don't know if that's a good thing. Maybe I come carpet carpet munch? Compartmentalize? Is that how it says?
ANTHONYCompartmentalize, yeah.
NALEEYeah. Carpet munching bitch. Literally, I was like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Turning, turning, turning. I compartmentalize a lot of my feelings, or maybe not. I don't know. But I feel like I don't get I don't stay sta I don't stay sad for a long time. I think that's what I've realized. And I think people probably are shocked by that, but I think I self-regulate myself a lot. Like I self-soothe myself a lot. Like I'm like, girl, you'll be fine. It's like two days, you'll be good. And I think a lot of people don't know that about me, is that I do self-regulate a lot. I don't think I depend on other people to make me happy or whatever. I just do one cry out session, maybe a couple of crash outs like every, I don't know, once every three months, and then I'm good. Yeah.
ANTHONYSo I think I'm the opposite. I think I sit with mine for a little bit. And it goes in waves.
NALEEYeah.
ANTHONYYeah.
NALEEThat's very cancer view.
unknownYeah.
NALEEAnd it's very Pisces of me too. Because Pisces.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
NALEEI think it's very true where they say with Pisces, they they could either be really in love with you, but then the moment something switches, they're like, bye. Detach.
ANTHONYThey're done. Yeah.
NALEEYeah.
ANTHONYSo there's something just there's something to be said about some of those like horoscope things because, like I said, nine times out of ten, if I read a cancer one, it's accurate.
NALEEYeah. No, I I 100% agree.
ANTHONYYeah.
NALEEOkay. Okay.
ANTHONYUm, so yeah, that was my topic. Very short and sweet. Just I do have my list of playlists that I'll just put on if I was my feels.
NALEEI know we talked about Carriana Wood.
ANTHONYI don't listen to her anymore.
NALEEOkay, never mind. I take it.
ANTHONYBut no, she she did have there were she had two or three songs. It depends on like what kind of mood I'm going for, but like obviously there's some Tim McGraw songs. 90s Tim McGraw.
NALEEOkay.
ANTHONYSmiley.
NALEEOh, Miley's really good too.
ANTHONYTaylor, Brittany. Oh, Britney's good too. Not I don't use them often, but like the Backstreet Boys are in sync.
NALEEYeah. Backstreet Boys, they do, yeah. I go hard with Inconsolable, Siberia.
ANTHONYSavage Garden.
NALEEYes!
ANTHONYYeah.
NALEEI didn't know you knew Savage Garden. Okay.
unknownOkay.
ANTHONYOh, I love Savage Garden is the shiz.
NALEEYeah.
ANTHONYYeah.
NALEEI love Savage Garden.
ANTHONYKelly Clarkson.
NALEEOh, forgot about Kelly Clarkson. Yeah. Like half of my playlist is Kelly Clarkson.
ANTHONYYeah.
NALEEShe has some real good songs.
ANTHONYYeah, she's pretty good.
NALEEYeah. Um. Yeah.
unknownOkay.
ANTHONYReally depends on what mood I'm trying to go for. Cause it's because like I said, mu like I like music and I like lyrics.
NALEEOkay.
ANTHONYSo any type of songs can really get me into a certain type of feel.
NALEEOkay. I have a follow-up question. What kind of mood do you usually feel yourself getting into when you're sad? Like, is it about like missing somebody? Is it about like you just have to you just had a tough day and you fuck life? Or like what kind of sadness or what kind of mood are you usually in when you're listening to those type of music?
ANTHONYWhat kind of music am I typically or what kind of mood am I in when I'm listening to sad music?
NALEEMm-hmm.
ANTHONYNormally a sad mood.
NALEEOkay. Maybe I'm not asking you correctly. Like, for example, like, do you find yourself often listening to music about like heartbreak or about loss of a loved one? Or like they're sad, but there's different kinds of sadness. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like kind of like grieving, but different kinds of grieving. Like what kind of type or what not really genre, but like what kind of sadness music type are you listening to majority of the time, if that makes sense.
ANTHONYYeah, that does make sense. I don't know how to answer that though. Me get back to you on that one.
SPEAKER_07Okay, okay.
ANTHONYThat's a good question.
SPEAKER_07Interesting. Okay.
ANTHONYI feel like I try to listen to music, I don't again, not necessarily a genre, but anything that's like starting over.
NALEEOkay.
ANTHONYIf that makes sense.
NALEEYeah, it does. I was gonna say, like, kind of the same thing where like a sucks this ended and now it's time to start over, kind of a thing.
ANTHONYYeah. Yeah. This two showcatch. Yeah.
NALEEYeah, this two showcats. Yes.
ANTHONYYeah.
NALEEExactly. Okay.
ANTHONYWhat'd you have for this?
NALEEFor my topic, I had returning gifts from an ex. What do you sit without?
ANTHONYDo you mean returning them like to the store or returning them to the ex?
NALEETo the ex. Like let's say if they bought you an iPad. Are you like, ugh, fuck this iPad, I'm gonna give it back to him, or are you just like fuck it, I'm keeping it?
SPEAKER_00Fuck no, it's goddamn iPad. Well, you think I got an extra $600, I can just shit out of my ass and buy my own damn iPad? Hell no. You gave me that iPad, I'm gonna keep that iPad. Okay.
ANTHONYNo, but honestly, honestly, though, I returning gifts from an ex, if they were a gift, they were a gift for a reason.
NALEEOkay.
ANTHONYI don't I don't feel the need that I should have to give them back. Call me selfish, but Okay.
NALEEI think I used to be the opposite, where I'm like, ugh, I'm just gonna give it all to them. But I am also like you. I'm Poe. I'm gonna keep that shit. I'm Poe. I'm Poe. Yeah, I'm gonna keep that shit.
ANTHONYIt's rough up in these streets.
NALEEExactly. You gave it to me and it's gonna belong to me, whether you my ex or not. You stay in a past, but this iPad ain't.
ANTHONYShare me.
NALEEThis iPad gonna stay in a present.
ANTHONYI never got that whole like, I want this back, or you still have my but it's not yours. Like, if it was a gift, it was a gift. I don't know.
NALEEIt's the same thing with I think that issue comes a lot when it comes to like engagement rings and stuff, but you already gave it to me. It's no longer yours. You know what I mean?
ANTHONYUh okay. Well that changes things because I have a different opinion about that.
NALEEOkay, never mind. What's your opinion on it?
ANTHONYIf it's an engagement ring, that goes back to him. Oh really? Whoever. Yeah. Yeah. The engagement ring was given to you under the guise of this is a promise that we are gonna spend our lives together. And if the bigger But what if he was the one who broke it?
NALEEWhat if he was the one who broke it? You'd still give it back to him?
ANTHONYSo he gave you the ring.
NALEEYeah.
ANTHONYAnd then he broke up with you?
unknownYeah.
NALEEOr he ended up interesting. What about if you're married?
ANTHONYWhy wouldn't you?
NALEEWhy wouldn't you what?
ANTHONYGive it back to him. Why would you want that? What are you gonna what are you gonna do with it?
NALEEBitch, it's my ring. I'm gonna pawn it off for money, duh. Excuse me? What what can I do with that? What do you mean what I could do with that? I could do plenty with that. What's mine is mine. Can't help it. GG. Good luck. Yeah.
ANTHONYWhen it comes to divorce, I don't know. Maybe it would depend upon the circumstances surrounding the divorce.
NALEEHmm. Okay. Well, my two cent is if you had the audacity to give you a ring and then had the audacity to be a dumbass and or she or he, have the audacity to keep it. Period. Okay.
ANTHONYWell, that's same thing for gifts, too. You would keep gifts.
NALEEYeah, why not? There we go. Just make sure we're on the same page there. You've done gifted it to me. You're gonna re-gift my gift back to you? Like, make it make sense.
ANTHONYYeah, that's true.
NALEEBecause my thing is if you are that immature to be like, oh, I bought you a $500, I don't know, iPad when we were together because you loved me and now we're not together, you're gonna be petty and ask for that back. Like, you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
NALEESo it's like, whatever is done is done. I've given it to you. Just keep it. And that's vice versa, too. Like, if I gave you a gift, I'm not gonna expect it back. Like I already bought it, gave it to you.
ANTHONYSame.
NALEEIt is what it is. You know, like I gave it to you at that time because it's a gift. Like, I'm not gonna be like, oh, give me this back.
ANTHONYI will say, if I gave you a gift and you were like, well, I don't want this, I'm gonna throw it away, and it's a good, it's it's something good. All right, yeah. Fucking give it back to me then.
NALEEYeah, exactly.
ANTHONYLike I would say, I gave you a $500 iPad, you don't want it, you're just gonna throw it out. Otherwise, I'll take it.
NALEEThat makes sense. You'd be dumb not to take it back. Just saying. Yeah. Okay.
ANTHONYYeah.
NALEEThat was a quick one. Um, as y'all could tell, we're rushing through the segment. But Anthony hungry.
ANTHONYAnthony got gotta make dinner.
NALEEYeah, he gotta make dinner. Okay. Segment five. Can you really get over it?
ANTHONYHere's the question everyone asks.
NALEEDo you actually ever get over it, or do you just learn to carry it differently?
ANTHONYSix seven. Six seven.
NALEEEw.
ANTHONYIs that am I doing that right? Is that what they do?
NALEEUh I don't even know. It's just I don't know either. It's just ew.
ANTHONYMaybe healing isn't forgetting.
NALEEMaybe it's remembering without it hurting quite as much.
ANTHONYWhat did you have for this segment?
NALEEOkay. Well, mine's a two, I have two topics, but I think they kind of correlate with each other. Well, I'm gonna try to make it correlate with each other.
unknownOh god.
ANTHONYShe's gonna try and fit the circle through the square.
NALEEI'm gonna make it fit even if it don't fit.
ANTHONYShe said that to a couple guys too.
NALEEI'm just kidding. Forgiving people who never apologized and advice for someone going through heartbreak or grief right now. I think for me I think we've talked about this before. Forgiving people isn't for the other person, it's for you.
SPEAKER_03Correct.
NALEESo that you can move on, it's so that you could find peace within yourself. Yeah. And that's pretty much it. Point blank
Forgiveness Without An Apology
NALEEperiod. As far as advice for someone going through heartbreak or grief right now, it's funny because I talked I just c kind of talked with this with Courtney, but I think when it comes to grief and heartbreak, I think a lot of people look for closure in order for them to move on. Yeah. Or they look for some sign of some kind of sign that, okay, this is this this cycle is complete. But I think the silence is closure. You leaving is closure. The person leaving you is closure. You don't need closure to know that something's not good for you or something has ended. When it is regarding like death and stuff, obviously you have no control over that. But I think in those moments, appreciate the good things that's happened. Even if it's sad, even if it's like I've said in the earlier segment, even if it's not what you wanted, also appreciate the moments that were good or that, yeah, that was good that came out of that situation. Um because I think that the more that you ruminate on like the sad part or the negative parts of it, you end up putting yourself deeper into that hole. Whereas you're like on the flip side, you're like, yeah, I was hurt or I am sad. This person's gone from my life. But look what I've created out of that. Look what, look at the memories we've created out of that. Look at, you know, the happiness we've gotten out of it. And, you know, you have to also be able to acknowledge what's going on right now, but at the same time, think about what's gonna happen after. Because I think a lot of people get stuck in the now. Like, okay, this is what's happening, this is the what's present. But when it comes to grieving or heartbreak, you have to realize that like nobody ever fucking died because of a heartbreak. Like nobody ever died because somebody left you or whatever, you know?
ANTHONYAnd that's when it comes to I know.
NALEEI was gonna say shit, just kidding. It can't happen, actually. You can die of a broken heart. But anyways, but but you know, like when it comes to grieving, like a person who passed away, again, you just have to hold those good moments and think about how they are going to help you grow as a person once you get through that. And again, I feel like people get stuck in the in the dark cloud of like the present, like they can't really move forward. But think about how beautiful it's gonna be once you make it past that. Like this too shall pass, like we talked about. Like, you know, moving on to you have to put your mindset in a way of like, okay, you know what? Yes, this happened. Yes, this is sad, but what now? What do I do now to move on? What can I do to move forward? Because again, two things can be true at once. You could be grieving a loss, but at the same time, you still have to look forward to whatever's in the future. And you, you know, you still have a life to live.
ANTHONYSo very beautifully said.
NALEEThank you.
ANTHONYI do agree with that. I'm just gonna share my two pieces of input on your topics here. So forgiving people who never apologized. Again, like you you hit it perfectly. Apolog Excuse me, forgiving isn't for the other person, it's for yourself. So you don't need them to apologize. Forgive them, forget them, and move on.
SPEAKER_05Period.
ANTHONYWhat who is it? Lauren Conrad said it best. I want to forgive you and I want to forget you. Simple as that. Just do it. Just do it. My advice for someone going through heartbreak or grief right now is to be exactly what you just said, everything that you said. But I'm a big firm believer that when it comes to grief or heartbreak, like it doesn't ever really go away. We just like you we mentioned in the segue here, we just learn to live with it. It hurts less. We kind of become numb to it. And with regards to going on with in life with that grief, for me personally, like I get I get these moments and I go through these bouts where I'm like feeling really in the dumps and really sorry for myself. My grandma's been gone for 10 years and it still affects me today.
NALEEYeah.
ANTHONYAgain, grief comes and goes, it's comes in waves. I just try to remind myself, and this this is what I would the advice that I would give is you have to try and live your life not only for you now, but for you and that loved one. Absolutely. Oh, I love that. For for me, it's like, what would my grandma want from me? Would she want me to just sit at home and become an old cranky crotchety old man?
SPEAKER_00Probably.
ANTHONYBut I'm just kidding. But you gotta do things for them and the people that you lose and the people that you love. It's not it's not always about you.
NALEEYeah.
ANTHONYLinda. That's true.
NALEELinda, listen, Linda.
ANTHONYListen, Linda. So that would be my advice. Just live for your loved ones for in the in the turn in terms of grief. Lived for the loved ones. Live the life that they would have wanted you to live.
NALEEYeah, I love that.
ANTHONYYeah.
NALEEThat's beautiful.
ANTHONYLook at us.
NALEELook at us.
ANTHONYTherapizing people left and right.
NALEEYeah. Like we said, it always either becomes a therapy session or chaos. And we got both.
ANTHONYAnd we got both today.
NALEEPeriod. All right. What was your topic?
ANTHONYI don't remember why I chose this one, but mine was lessons you've learned from loss.
SPEAKER_07Okay.
ANTHONYAnd obviously that was going to relate to my grandma because I haven't experienced much loss. Lessons I've learned from loss. Just do it. We're not getting any younger.
NALEEYeah.
ANTHONYWe never know when our time is up. And this isn't a loss, but like this is a lesson that I think I learned from you. Well, I know that I learned from you. But like that dash on your headstone, like make it worth it.
SPEAKER_08Yeah. I love that.
ANTHONYLike I s I still think about that. And I mean, it's not like we talked about it that long ago, but when you said it, that was the honestly, that was probably the first time that I'd ever heard it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
ANTHONYSo I do think about it.
SPEAKER_05Okay. I love that.
NALEEOkay. What about you?
ANTHONYDo you have any lessons?
NALEEYeah, two things. First one is let it make you, don't let it break you.
ANTHONYMm-hmm. Period.
NALEEI made that up. Wasn't that beautiful? Yeah.
ANTHONYThat was beautiful.
NALEEPeriod. Um I forgot the last one because I was building myself for for that one.
SPEAKER_03Oh, damn.
NALEEI know. Okay, let's see. Lessons you've learned from loss. Let it make you, not let it break you. And what was it? It was sometimes it's okay to sit in sadness, but don't sit in it too long. Yeah. Like, yes, breathe in it and then exhale and move on. Don't get stuck in it. So technically, yeah, let it make you, don't let it break you. Yeah.
ANTHONYYeah. That's it. I agree with that. I love that.
NALEEThank you.
ANTHONYYou should put that on a t-shirt.
NALEEThat's going on a t-shirt today.
ANTHONYDone.
NALEEAll right. Did you have anything else to add to this? You're like, no, I'm hungry, bitch.
ANTHONYWell, that too. I'm hungry. I'm tired. I want to go home. No, the only thing that I have to add to that, and to wrap this up in this episode, is be thankful for the memories, be grateful for the experiences. Don't sit in the sadness too long. And there's always going to be light at the other at the other end of the tunnel.
NALEEI love that. The only thing I wanted to add, obviously, before we go into our lightning round here, it's a depressing lightning round, but it is what it is. Is that anybody who's going through grief right now, just know that it's not forever. It's temporary. And, you know, if you need somebody to talk to, DM us, message us, get help, get better help. Not sponsored again, by the way. But overall, you know, it's gonna be okay. I know it's it's easier said than done, but it's gonna be okay. That one. And it's gonna be rough for a couple for a couple of weeks, couple of months, but don't get stuck in that. Like pick yourself back up. Use a strong, independent bitch, use a strong dependent hoe. You end as home unity with us, and we got this. So we are ready for you whenever you are ready for us.
SPEAKER_00So oh, I like that.
NALEEYeah, period. Listen to you.
ANTHONYOh, she got her smart girl pants on today.
NALEEWell, for the ending, but yeah.
ANTHONYOh, okay.
NALEEAll right, you ready for our lightning round? Let's let's get this party started.
ANTHONYAll right, let's do it.
NALEEOkay, lightning round. No overthinking, just answer.
ANTHONYAre we both answering?
NALEENo.
unknownOkay.
NALEEWe're do answering each other's questions. What's one song that instantly reminds you of someone?
ANTHONYOh, really? Dancing in the sky.
NALEEAnd who does it remind you of?
ANTHONYMy grandma.
NALEEOh, I love that. Okay.
ANTHONYHave you ever looked up an ex just to see how they're doing?
NALEEI'd like to say no, but yes, I have. And no, it's not B. Just saying.
ANTHONYOkay. Good.
NALEEDo you believe in closure? No. Enough sense.
ANTHONYRight. Yeah, I'm gonna say no. Yeah.
NALEEOkay.
ANTHONYIs it okay to stay friends with an ex?
NALEEOoh, okay. I got two answers real quick. For me, yes, if it's mutual, but for the guy that I'm dating, no.
ANTHONYWow, double standards, everybody. Double standards.
NALEEI'm a jealous bitch. You want to end up in your casket or you want to end up next to me and Ben? You decide.
ANTHONYThat's how I'm gonna say it. Okay. Your lightning.
NALEEMy lightning. Have you ever cried over a TV show more than real life?
ANTHONYA thousand percent.
NALEEA thousand percent for sure.
ANTHONYA thousand percent. What's harder? Losing a relationship or a friendship?
NALEEFriendship for sure.
ANTHONYFor real.
NALEEDo you delete pictures after a breakup?
Lightning Round And Final Takeaways
ANTHONYNo.
NALEEOh, that's good to know.
ANTHONYOne piece of advice you'd give your younger self.
NALEEIt's not that serious.
ANTHONYNobody cares. You're right. 100%.
NALEENot that serious. What's one memory you'll always keep?
ANTHONYOne memory? God, I gotta narrow this down to one memory. Fuck. Really?
NALEEThis is lightning round. I mean, can you take any fucking longer? Okay, think about the vagueness of this.
ANTHONYOne memory.
NALEEOne memory of the 39 years that you've had.
ANTHONYYeah, no shit. One, what's one memory you'll always keep? Okay.
NALEEWhat's the thing that what's the first thing that pops up in your head? It doesn't have to be the top, but just when I said that to you, what's the one thing that popped up in your head? That's usually the one.
ANTHONYWell, the one thing that popped in my head was what category am I going for here? A happiness moment, a relationship moment.
NALEEJesus, analytical minds.
ANTHONYOkay. My grandma running to get me a birthday cake while I was at work and then singing happy birthday to me.
NALEEOh, in the video?
ANTHONYYeah. When she wasn't supposed to be driving. That was another time she wasn't supposed to be driving.
NALEEGirlby.
ANTHONYYeah.
NALEEThat's so sweet, though. The love that she has. That's I love that.
ANTHONYYeah.
NALEEThat's what you call love. Consideration, baby.
ANTHONYShe didn't care about anything. Okay, last question. Have you ever had to start over completely?
NALEEChild, bring me back to the semi-term pretty of 2025, baby.
ANTHONYAmen. Yes.
NALEEAll right. Well, if there's one thing we hoped you take away from this episode, it's that grief isn't something you fail at.
ANTHONYThere's no timeline, there's no finish line, and definitely no right way to go through it. See how I use the air bunnies there?
NALEEYeah, stupid. I'm like um Joey from Friends. I'm sorry. If you know, you know. If you know, you know. Anyways, whether you're missing someone who's gone, someone who's still here, or even just a chapter of your life that's ended, you're probably not alone as you think. And if today's episode brought up some memories, child. We hope it reminds you that the people and moments that made those memories were worth having.
ANTHONYAmen. Preach it. Life keeps changing, people come and go. We all outgrow places, relationships, and even versions of ourselves.
NALEEBut every ending usually teaches us something we couldn't have learned any other way.
ANTHONYAs always, thank you for hanging out with us and trusting us with the heavier conversations too.
NALEEIf you're comfortable sharing, tell us what's something you've had to get over that made you stronger. And just putting our plug-in right now, like and subscribe, share and comment. Y'all still not doing your jobs. Y'all listening, but y'all ain't doing your jobs.
ANTHONYYou ain't doing your jobs. You got one thing you gotta do to be part of this home unity.
NALEEOr y'all gonna be grieving us pretty soon.
ANTHONYYeah, don't do that. Please don't.
NALEEJust kidding. Just kidding. Just kidding.
ANTHONYBut for real though, we would love to read some of your stories in a future episode.
NALEEYes, we would. All right. Three, two, one. Listen to the video.
ANTHONYWe'll see you next week on Quinton.
NALEEBye.
