Only 5% of Couples Do This Together - Brad & Heidi Mitchell, Build Your Marriage Artwork

Entrusting The Faith

How do we equip our families with a biblical worldview? How do we prepare the next generation for life? How do I grow in my walk with the Lord and in my marriage? If you wrestle with these questions, you are in the right place to find answers. This podcast equips families so that future generations may know Christ. Learn Biblical instruction, grow closer to Christ, and apply the tools learned to build a legacy.

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Entrusting The Faith

Only 5% of Couples Do This Together - Brad & Heidi Mitchell, Build Your Marriage

April 07, 2026 • Eric Rutherford • Episode 100

0:00 | 47:16

Episode Summary

Brad and Heidi Mitchell share why praying together is one of the most overlooked yet transformative practices in marriage and how couples can start, even if it feels awkward or unfamiliar.

Key Takeaways

1. Most couples aren’t praying together—and it’s more serious than you think (00:02:02)
Only about 5% of couples pray together, and even among pastors it’s just 6%. This highlights a major gap between belief and practice.

2. Crisis often reveals the depth prayer was missing (00:05:13)
It wasn’t until a “cataclysmic” season in their marriage that their prayers became authentic, vulnerable, and transformative.

3. Praying together shifts conflict away from “who’s right” (00:07:50)
When couples bring issues before God, the focus moves from winning arguments to seeking God’s direction together.

4. The biggest barrier isn’t theology—it’s fear and insecurity (00:09:18)
Fear of judgment, not knowing what to say, or feeling spiritually inadequate keeps many couples from even starting.

Resources & Links

Book: Build Your Marriage with Prayer
Ministry: Build Your Marriage — https://buildyourmarriage.org/

Do all of the following at https://entrustingthefaith.com/

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Buy the book Leading Well at Home: Husbands and Fathers Can Biblically Lead Their Families

00:00:00:00 - 00:00:06:25
Unknown
welcome to the Entrusting the Faith podcast. I'm your host, Eric Rutherford, and I'm excited today because I have with me Brad and Heidi Mitchell.

00:00:06:29 - 00:00:24:26
Unknown
They are the co-founders of Build Your Marriage, which is a ministry dedicated to helping couples create Christ centered marriages. They are also the authors of four books, the latest of which is Build Your Marriage with Prayer. Brad. Heidi, welcome to the show.

00:00:24:26 - 00:00:27:00
Unknown
Thanks so much, Eric. We're really glad to be with you.

00:00:27:05 - 00:00:28:03
Unknown
Thanks for having us.

00:00:28:08 - 00:00:37:17
Unknown
It's my pleasure. And I am thrilled that you are here. Let me just kind of ask real quick as we get into this. You were talking about about your book Build Your Marriage with Prayer.

00:00:37:22 - 00:00:38:08
Unknown
What was

00:00:38:08 - 00:00:40:07
Unknown
the driving factor behind

00:00:40:12 - 00:00:41:09
Unknown
writing that?

00:00:41:17 - 00:00:42:08
Unknown
Good question.

00:00:42:13 - 00:00:50:12
Unknown
Well we would go out and speak and do conferences around the country and around the world, and as we would speak, we would challenge couples.

00:00:50:12 - 00:00:53:11
Unknown
We have a session on prayer and we'd challenge couples to pray.

00:00:53:15 - 00:01:22:28
Unknown
And over time it kind of dawned on us. A lot of couples may be praying, but they're not praying together. And we heard from pastors, missionaries who were like, we don't. We? We pray, but we don't pray together. And one morning after we had challenged this particular group to pray, a pastor came up to us and he said, last night after your session, my wife and I went back to our room and we prayed for the first time ever together.

00:01:22:29 - 00:01:45:02
Unknown
This is a guy in ministry and he said it was mind blowing. He said, we we loved it. It's something we're going to keep doing. And so as we just heard this, more and more, we thought, this is something A that couples don't do together and be it's something that could empower their marriage and then see we've got to train them how to do it.

00:01:45:08 - 00:02:02:25
Unknown
Yeah. So one of the things that was amazing to us as we began looking into this, because we're teaching on prayer, just because it's a value to us, you know, it's important. We know it's important for couples. But then when we looked at the research, oh my goodness. I mean, the fact is that only about 5% of all couples pray together.

00:02:02:28 - 00:02:29:23
Unknown
And in ministry, it's really not any better. It's 6% of pastors, missionaries, people in ministry that pray with their spouse. And when you look at that, you're going, there has got to be a change. There has to be a shift. And God really laid it on our heart. This is a Holy Spirit driven project. And so God really laid on our heart to begin to write a book that would be a guide for couples to begin doing what every couples should be doing.

00:02:29:23 - 00:02:30:26
Unknown
And that's to pray together.

00:02:31:01 - 00:02:32:00
Unknown
Wow.

00:02:32:04 - 00:02:36:18
Unknown
Man, I had no I had no idea on those percentages.

00:02:36:18 - 00:02:38:20
Unknown
Especially for I mean, you think

00:02:38:25 - 00:02:57:18
Unknown
the couples who are in ministry and going through that, like I would have assumed it would be significantly higher, but it sounds like it was it it was pretty much pretty much the same. Yeah. In fact, we remember we were talking recently with a ministry leader who was doing a conference for pastors, like there were 50, you know, pretty notable pastors and their wives there.

00:02:57:20 - 00:03:05:21
Unknown
And he just casually asked, he was talking about prayer, casually asked. He said, how many of you pray together as couples? He said, not a single hand went up.

00:03:05:25 - 00:03:08:06
Unknown
Not a single hand went up.

00:03:08:11 - 00:03:10:10
Unknown
And he was shocked. So how

00:03:10:14 - 00:03:11:17
Unknown
is it? I mean,

00:03:11:22 - 00:03:13:12
Unknown
is it something where

00:03:13:17 - 00:03:17:07
Unknown
the I don't know, it seems obvious that it should be

00:03:17:12 - 00:03:20:24
Unknown
a part of marriage, but I guess, is it?

00:03:20:24 - 00:03:23:16
Unknown
That's just not the case. Like it's it's sort of like

00:03:23:21 - 00:03:25:06
Unknown
either, I don't know, like,

00:03:25:11 - 00:03:32:11
Unknown
did they understand the need for it or did they just not think about it? I'm just fascinated. Like could you elaborate on that a little bit too?

00:03:32:16 - 00:03:35:25
Unknown
I think if I think about it from a ministry couple perspective,

00:03:35:25 - 00:03:40:22
Unknown
you know, we can dive into the general populace as well on this, but I think from a ministry couple perspective,

00:03:40:27 - 00:03:44:03
Unknown
it probably is sort of like life gets busy.

00:03:44:03 - 00:03:47:11
Unknown
Things get going. They just don't make it a priority.

00:03:47:11 - 00:04:02:04
Unknown
That would probably be part of what I would think. And I think sometimes the spouse that isn't the ministry isn't, you know, in the vocational ministry, they might feel a little bit intimidated or less than or not. You know, they're not a professional prayer like their spouse may be.

00:04:02:08 - 00:04:05:00
Unknown
So there may be some of that that holds them off a little bit.

00:04:05:05 - 00:04:17:29
Unknown
And I think for some couples especially those not a minister I guess they could be in ministry too. That was never modeled for that. Maybe they grew up in a home where there weren't believing parents and so they didn't really know how to do it.

00:04:17:29 - 00:04:19:04
Unknown
So they just kind of

00:04:19:09 - 00:04:40:21
Unknown
you know, started praying on their own. And early in our marriage, we just prayed individually. We didn't really pray together. I mean, we pray together, like at dinner and bedtime. And for us at that stage of our marriage, we thought, that's good enough. And we just never really thought about going deeper. Yeah. Yeah, it was kind of the the rote, you know, God bless our kids or God bless us, that kind of a thing.

00:04:40:27 - 00:04:42:08
Unknown
Without really going any further.

00:04:42:13 - 00:04:43:00
Unknown
So what

00:04:43:04 - 00:04:48:02
Unknown
how did that change for you guys. And so you sound like you were doing a little bit of prayer earlier in your marriage.

00:04:48:06 - 00:04:54:24
Unknown
I mean, was it just a struggle to pray together? Just like finding the time? Kind of like, you know, for couples, especially with young kids,

00:04:54:29 - 00:04:59:25
Unknown
you know, finding a time to go out or, you know, finding a time to to be together.

00:04:59:28 - 00:05:02:18
Unknown
How did you begin to develop that discipline as a couple?

00:05:02:21 - 00:05:13:03
Unknown
You know, Eric, I think for us, we thought that we were doing okay in our prayer because it was, you know, we were still praying and, you know, kind of going through the bless so-and-so kind of of a prayer.

00:05:13:03 - 00:05:17:09
Unknown
At the end of the day. So it wasn't that we weren't praying, but the,

00:05:17:09 - 00:05:27:05
Unknown
the depth, the authenticity, the vulnerability of prayer, really, from my perspective at least, didn't hit until we went through a cataclysmic time in our own marriage.

00:05:27:10 - 00:05:49:07
Unknown
And when you go through the valley and all you can do is just cry out to God and you know, you're you're you're seeking for his favor, for his strength, for his presence, for his direction. In the middle of everything. And I think at that point, there is a rawness and a vulnerability that enters into your prayer life as a husband and wife that really kind of reshapes and resets,

00:05:49:07 - 00:05:50:05
Unknown
how you pray together.

00:05:50:05 - 00:05:54:04
Unknown
It doesn't mean it's always that kind of a prayer, but all of a sudden, everything that was sort of,

00:05:54:07 - 00:06:02:29
Unknown
I don't I don't want to say pretense, but it was just sort of like basic get stripped away so that you're in this place of desperation or just authenticity before God.

00:06:03:04 - 00:06:07:19
Unknown
So would you elaborate a little bit on that idea of death?

00:06:07:24 - 00:06:15:04
Unknown
You know, because I know some of our listeners will will understand. Some of our listeners may not like, what's that look like

00:06:15:09 - 00:06:17:09
Unknown
in terms of of prayer.

00:06:17:13 - 00:06:29:09
Unknown
Well, I think it's something that evolved over time because it's not like all of a sudden you go, okay, let's go deep, you know, because we sort of thought we were praying, well you know we were doing it a couple times a day.

00:06:29:09 - 00:06:50:26
Unknown
But it was very road. And I think after we had some marital struggles and stuff, we realized that there were more things we needed to pray about. And individually, I'd say to as his relationship grew in the Lord and my relationship grew in the Lord, your prayers combined grow together. And so we just realized there were a lot of areas.

00:06:50:29 - 00:06:54:29
Unknown
We had never really prayed about that much. You know, things like

00:06:55:04 - 00:07:00:23
Unknown
confession or even really being thankful. We were really great intercessors for ourselves,

00:07:00:28 - 00:07:12:18
Unknown
but we weren't so great at, you know, intercession for other people. I mean, we kind of would pray for our family and stuff, but not like for people who were really ill or really going through struggles.

00:07:12:18 - 00:07:41:10
Unknown
We might pray for them once a month or something. And, you know, just kind of when we thought of it. But now we pray a lot more for those things. We pray in the moment. And so I think there were those types of things we never really thought about getting deep, about forgiveness or about our purpose as a husband and wife, or about praying about specifically about temptations, or just that God would answer prayers for other things, or even like when we're at odds with each other,

00:07:41:10 - 00:07:43:11
Unknown
you know, where there would be a conflict.

00:07:43:11 - 00:07:50:14
Unknown
Or maybe, you know, she thinks one thing. I think something else. How are we going to address that? Well, coming together in prayer changes everything,

00:07:50:14 - 00:08:03:26
Unknown
because when you're praying about something like that, all of a sudden you're praying about the issue, not about, you know, coming. You know, how we are at odds with each other. And so as you're like, going before God and you're laying your issue before him together,

00:08:03:26 - 00:08:16:26
Unknown
then the answer is regarding the issue, not regarding like, who's right and who's wrong in the situation, because you're trusting the sovereignty of God over your lives, over your marriage, over whatever the the issue might be.

00:08:16:28 - 00:08:25:27
Unknown
And then you're able to go, well, this was God's leading. It isn't that Heidi won this time, or Brad won this time. And so there's a the, the, the,

00:08:25:27 - 00:08:44:10
Unknown
constellation of different topics like Heidi just shared are part of what created more of a depth to our prayer life. It isn't that all of a sudden we went to this, oh Lord, we beseech thou, you know, kind of a kind of a prayer that made it more deep or something, or that we're quoting all kinds of Scripture verses that made it more deep.

00:08:44:17 - 00:08:45:23
Unknown
It was really the,

00:08:45:23 - 00:08:54:09
Unknown
variety of different topics that now we pray, you know, in just about anything that comes up that's that's really changed quite considerably over the years.

00:08:54:13 - 00:08:56:11
Unknown
That makes sense. And so.

00:08:56:15 - 00:08:59:24
Unknown
What are some of the most common fears

00:08:59:28 - 00:09:05:28
Unknown
that couples have about praying together, and how do you help them move past those fears?

00:09:05:28 - 00:09:17:03
Unknown
Because if people aren't praying together, I mean, that fear can can definitely be a dividing point. Yeah. Why don't we start with what they are, and then we'll kind of transition to the ways to move past grace.

00:09:17:04 - 00:09:18:08
Unknown
Yeah. Great question.

00:09:18:13 - 00:09:32:17
Unknown
I think one fear or one issue is habit. You know, if you were raised in a home where prayer wasn't practiced, you might not ever have thought about doing it. You never saw your parents do it. Your siblings didn't do it.

00:09:32:22 - 00:09:36:29
Unknown
Maybe you weren't a believer when you got married. So it's like it's not a habit for us.

00:09:36:29 - 00:09:55:14
Unknown
I think that's one thing. Another thing is just insecurity. Maybe you feel like, oh, my spouse might be a better prayer than I am, or they went to church longer, or they were raised in a Christian home and I wasn't. So am I going to look stupid if I start praying other people? Maybe they just don't know how to approach God.

00:09:55:14 - 00:10:15:21
Unknown
Do I say, do I have to say thee to him? Do I have to say thou to him? How do I address a busy heavenly Father? Is he God? Is he Lord? Can I pray to Jesus? You know, those kind of things. So I think there's some insecurity and just concern about approaching God with the right language and terminology.

00:10:15:23 - 00:10:17:04
Unknown
And sometimes I think couples,

00:10:17:04 - 00:10:19:10
Unknown
or individuals may feel like they're going to get judged,

00:10:19:10 - 00:10:19:25
Unknown
because

00:10:20:00 - 00:10:29:04
Unknown
quite frankly, often in marriage, there's criticism. And I don't want to be criticized about the way that I pray or have it used against me or weaponized in any way so that,

00:10:29:07 - 00:10:34:17
Unknown
like, you know, let's just say that you're praying about your relationship with one of your kids and you choose to be,

00:10:34:20 - 00:10:36:29
Unknown
entering into that with your spouse.

00:10:37:01 - 00:10:49:20
Unknown
And then like, 2 or 3 days later, the relationship isn't going so well. And maybe you erode in the way that you're relating to them and your spouse goes, see, I heard you pray about that, and now you didn't do that. And so, you know, the concern about being judged,

00:10:49:23 - 00:10:55:14
Unknown
in a situation is scary. And so that vulnerability becomes scary.

00:10:55:17 - 00:11:15:16
Unknown
And then there's spiritual warfare. I mean, Satan is going to do everything he can to keep a couple from doing the very thing that they should be doing, which is keeping Christ at the center of their relationship and growing closer to one another intimately through prayer and growing closer to God intimately through prayer. And so you've got the enemy who's going to be whispering in your mind, going, you know, you really shouldn't be praying together.

00:11:15:16 - 00:11:31:07
Unknown
You don't pray well enough. You don't know what they're going to do. You don't know how they might use this against you. You don't, you know, whatever it may be, the enemy's going to whisper those lines into our mind and cause us to pull away from the very thing that we should be leaning into. And, you know, the statistics bear it out.

00:11:31:07 - 00:11:44:00
Unknown
Like I said, 95% of all couples listen to those lies or those insecurities or those vulnerabilities or, you know, the lack of having it modeled for them, and they pull away from leaning into prayer.

00:11:44:05 - 00:11:47:10
Unknown
So part two of your question was, how do we overcome those?

00:11:47:15 - 00:11:48:24
Unknown
And I'll give,

00:11:48:24 - 00:11:51:24
Unknown
just one thing for the men in particular, that,

00:11:51:29 - 00:11:56:12
Unknown
when Heidi and I are teaching, we found this to be so empowering for guys.

00:11:56:14 - 00:11:59:01
Unknown
A lot of times, men have kind of put on,

00:11:59:01 - 00:12:12:29
Unknown
you got to be the spiritual leader. You need to be the spiritual leader in the home. You've got to take on the mantle of responsibility. And we agree. You know what we're not saying that's not the case at all. But sometimes that word leader can really hang a guy up.

00:12:13:04 - 00:12:26:04
Unknown
Because we don't want to look like a failure. We don't want to look like less than. We realize that our wife probably knows more of the Bible and has been a Christian longer, and is more outspoken about her faith. And so, you know, because we don't want to look like a failure in front of our spouse in any way.

00:12:26:07 - 00:12:39:12
Unknown
Men just hold back. They're just like, well, I'm not even going to try that because that's not going to work. So instead, we really encourage men husbands to reframe that a bit from being a spiritual leader to being the spiritual initiator.

00:12:39:17 - 00:12:44:21
Unknown
It's still a it's still leading. But it doesn't mean that you've got to know more or have been a Christian longer or anything.

00:12:44:21 - 00:12:54:28
Unknown
You just you just initiate, hey, let's make sure we go to church tomorrow morning. We're going to be ready. We're going to get up. We're going to make sure we get there. You're the initiator. Let's pray together. You're the initiator.

00:12:55:01 - 00:13:02:16
Unknown
Let's let's have a let's talk about where we've seen gotta work in our lives lately. You're the initiator, so it doesn't mean that you've got to know more, but.

00:13:02:17 - 00:13:09:08
Unknown
And you're still leading. But by reframing it, you're able to step into that and begin to pray together as a husband and wife.

00:13:09:13 - 00:13:22:17
Unknown
And I would add to that, too, like one thing that we suggest make prayer really a positive experience, especially when especially when you're starting, but as much as possible. So maybe you start and you just say, Dear God,

00:13:22:22 - 00:13:24:04
Unknown
I'm thankful for

00:13:24:09 - 00:13:25:06
Unknown
our house.

00:13:25:08 - 00:13:39:15
Unknown
One one sentence, one word. And then he prays, Dear God, I'm thankful for our family. And that's a non-controversial thing. You can both pray it. You're done. It's easy, it's quick, and then you can expand from there. Or if you're not comfortable with that,

00:13:39:18 - 00:13:45:24
Unknown
read the Lord's Prayer and maybe one of you reads a couple lines and then the next one reads a couple lines and you do it that way.

00:13:45:27 - 00:14:00:15
Unknown
Or find a Psalm that's just really glorifying to God about his mighty power and his some of his attributes. And you can pray that together. So we just say, do do it that way. Yeah. And that's a great way to kind of overcome kind of the hurdle, the,

00:14:00:15 - 00:14:04:08
Unknown
the challenges that couples often face and really, you know,

00:14:04:08 - 00:14:08:27
Unknown
and we'll talk more about it, but that's why we wrote this book is because we want there to be a roadmap.

00:14:08:27 - 00:14:16:16
Unknown
We want there to be traction. We want there to be a success rate so that every husband and wife can begin on that path of praying together.

00:14:16:21 - 00:14:18:15
Unknown
I love that I want to kind of

00:14:18:20 - 00:14:21:09
Unknown
hit a couple of points. You said it sounds like then

00:14:21:13 - 00:14:24:05
Unknown
some of the the fears are

00:14:24:10 - 00:14:28:09
Unknown
both relational in nature, but as well as just

00:14:28:14 - 00:14:43:01
Unknown
personal in nature with prayer. So like maybe, maybe they just don't pray aloud or they've never had experience praying aloud and like, that's weird and and strange and like, they wouldn't pray aloud in a group, let alone with their spouse at the same time.

00:14:43:01 - 00:14:43:13
Unknown
You're

00:14:43:18 - 00:14:49:11
Unknown
you have the whole relational dynamic going on as well. So it sounds like it can come from a variety of different places.

00:14:49:15 - 00:14:53:11
Unknown
That's a great point. And you know what? They may have never prayed aloud by themselves.

00:14:53:16 - 00:14:58:02
Unknown
So even just hearing themselves pray is going to be awkward. And,

00:14:58:02 - 00:15:00:04
Unknown
you know, icebreaking kind of experience for them.

00:15:00:09 - 00:15:09:13
Unknown
Yeah. So we would say like when you read the Lord's Prayer or when you're reading a Psalm to get started, read it out loud together. Don't just one read and,

00:15:09:13 - 00:15:12:11
Unknown
you know, pray silently read it. So you're hearing your voices.

00:15:12:16 - 00:15:16:19
Unknown
You know like soulmate. You know our Lord. Our Lord. How majestic is your name in all the earth.

00:15:16:21 - 00:15:31:10
Unknown
I think it's a very short psalm, but it's a great one that you can use. Or as Heidi said with the Lord's Prayer, one of the things you can do is you can use that as an outline for your prayer. You know, you can just start with the words Our Father and then just springboard off of that for a couple of sentences.

00:15:31:10 - 00:15:50:00
Unknown
We just thank you that you are our father and that we can come to you and that you love us and you receive us. You know who art in heaven. We thank you that you are Almighty, that you know you are over all creation and over our own lives, and you know, it's kind of working your way through the Lord's Prayer as an outline for praying together as a husband and wife and just alternating,

00:15:50:00 - 00:15:51:12
Unknown
which part you might be praying

00:15:51:16 - 00:15:51:25
Unknown
now?

00:15:51:29 - 00:16:15:23
Unknown
Yeah. And another thing I'd say is like, if you're, you know, dear God, thank you for and you're each going to say a sentence, another thing you could do is after you've done that, then you could both be quiet and each pray silently because it's kind of training your mind about how to pray. And so as you be, as he becomes more comfortable praying and I become more comfortable praying, we're going to be more comfortable praying together.

00:16:15:26 - 00:16:16:23
Unknown
And that's our goal.

00:16:16:27 - 00:16:20:10
Unknown
That's huge. In in just doing that and giving,

00:16:20:15 - 00:16:22:24
Unknown
sounds like you're providing some baby steps

00:16:22:28 - 00:16:26:21
Unknown
on how to get started, especially for those who have never

00:16:26:26 - 00:16:30:19
Unknown
who've never prayed aloud, who have never done these things. That's right.

00:16:30:19 - 00:16:31:28
Unknown
So which is

00:16:32:03 - 00:16:41:26
Unknown
which is key. And you mentioned you mentioned spiritual warfare in terms of, I mean, not only life, but in terms of just you know, trying to pray together,

00:16:41:26 - 00:16:43:16
Unknown
and, and in marriage.

00:16:43:19 - 00:16:44:13
Unknown
So how does

00:16:44:17 - 00:16:47:28
Unknown
how does praying together sort of help combat

00:16:48:03 - 00:16:49:26
Unknown
that spiritual warfare?

00:16:49:26 - 00:16:53:22
Unknown
And how, how, how does it and and how effective as

00:16:53:27 - 00:16:54:10
Unknown
well.

00:16:54:12 - 00:16:58:01
Unknown
I'll start with the second part and then lead into the, the first.

00:16:58:04 - 00:16:58:14
Unknown
It's

00:16:58:19 - 00:17:14:18
Unknown
extremely effective because as a husband and wife, what you're doing is you're keeping Christ at the center of your marriage, and you're really protecting yourselves from the attacks of the enemy on your mind or on your heart or in division, because he does come to kill, steal and destroy.

00:17:14:18 - 00:17:16:21
Unknown
That's what Jesus said. And,

00:17:16:21 - 00:17:35:22
Unknown
and when you're praying together, it not only unites you as a husband and wife, but it unites you in the under the sovereignty of God. And you're coming together under the covering of the blood of Jesus Christ. And the enemy isn't going to have his way. You're very sensitive and aware of Jesus, which makes you also aware of the attacks of the enemy.

00:17:35:25 - 00:17:39:17
Unknown
When we move out of fellowship with God, when we move out of regular,

00:17:39:17 - 00:17:51:01
Unknown
intercession and conversation with God, then suddenly we become or maybe gradually, I shouldn't say suddenly, but gradually we become less and less, not only attuned to our shepherd's voice, but we become

00:17:51:01 - 00:17:54:19
Unknown
less more attuned to the whispers of the enemy. And,

00:17:54:19 - 00:18:04:14
Unknown
you can start to just plant little thoughts into our minds and into our relationship of doubt about ourselves, or doubt about our spouse, or doubt about God, just like in the Garden of Eden.

00:18:04:17 - 00:18:13:02
Unknown
You know, he hasn't changed his ways at all. He's still doing the same old bag of tricks with us to try to pull us apart from our relationship with God.

00:18:13:06 - 00:18:14:21
Unknown
Yeah, that is so true.

00:18:14:21 - 00:18:16:27
Unknown
Absolutely. It's it's the same.

00:18:17:02 - 00:18:22:13
Unknown
Like he's not doing anything new. It's just the same stuff. He's just punching, punching the buttons,

00:18:22:13 - 00:18:23:14
Unknown
on different people.

00:18:23:14 - 00:18:34:24
Unknown
Let's just talk a little bit about the format of the book, because it sounds like from what you were describing, it's giving people some tools for how to pray together.

00:18:34:29 - 00:18:39:12
Unknown
And within the book, you have this 40 day

00:18:39:16 - 00:18:40:07
Unknown
journey.

00:18:40:12 - 00:18:40:24
Unknown
So

00:18:40:24 - 00:18:42:21
Unknown
why 40 days?

00:18:42:26 - 00:18:49:20
Unknown
How does that fit with a busy marriage? Like, I would love to hear your thoughts behind that.

00:18:49:25 - 00:19:00:04
Unknown
Well, we really wrote it because we wanted it to be doable and we thought, but we also wanted it to become a habit. And so we thought 40 days biblical number.

00:19:00:08 - 00:19:12:26
Unknown
It's almost six, you know, almost six weeks. And so we thought, that's a great way to get a habit installed. Many people have told us you can create a habit in 21 days. So it's almost double that.

00:19:13:01 - 00:19:16:05
Unknown
And so what we did is we just picked topics

00:19:16:10 - 00:19:22:26
Unknown
that are common to marriages. You know, some are things like children or work or time or finances.

00:19:22:26 - 00:19:48:00
Unknown
They're pretty basic that in any marriage you would probably have discussions around finances or your children or your time. But then some are different. It might be around contentment or around your marriage purpose, or around temptation, things that we might not always think about right away. So it's a real broad spectrum. And each year, each chapter is one of those topics.

00:19:48:00 - 00:19:54:23
Unknown
But they're not long chapters. They're maybe to anywhere from like 2 to 4 pages. And we start off with a Bible verse,

00:19:54:23 - 00:20:13:18
Unknown
you know, if we're talking about something like church, it will start off like, don't forsake the fellowship, you know? Yeah, you need to be in community. And so it'll talk about a topic like church, and then we'll go in and we'll just talk about the importance of church in your marriage, why it's important that you attend, why it's important that you're in communion, how to choose a good church, right.

00:20:13:18 - 00:20:32:02
Unknown
How to choose a good church. We go through, you know, do you? Is this a place where you're going to find friends? Is this a place where you and your spouse can grow spiritually together? Can you? Does the music resonate with you? Can you listen to the pastor teach? Or does he have some annoying habit or something that's going to just make you not want to hear him?

00:20:32:08 - 00:20:45:00
Unknown
So we go through all that, and then at the end we just encourage we have a written prayer and we encourage couples to pray that prayer. And one day it may be the wife that's initiating in that prayer, the other day it may be the husband who

00:20:45:04 - 00:20:58:07
Unknown
reads that prayer. But it's easy because it'll just be like, dear Lord, we thank you that we go to and then you fill in the name of your church, whatever it is, and then you may pray for the elders or the staff of that church.

00:20:58:07 - 00:21:04:24
Unknown
You'll pray for your relationship in regards to that church. And then at the end there's two questions.

00:21:04:29 - 00:21:26:22
Unknown
If the topic was on church, say there's two questions like, are we satisfied with our level of involvement with our church? Why or why not? How could we improve or, you know, something like that, so that when they're praying, when the couple's praying, it's really about that topic, but then praying may lead them to a discussion, or they might want to talk about that particular topic.

00:21:26:29 - 00:21:28:10
Unknown
And so that's why we have two

00:21:28:15 - 00:21:47:17
Unknown
discussion questions at the end, so that the prayer can kind of be pure and just an enjoyable experience. And then if you're going to have to hash something out or talk about something more, you can do it through. The questions in each one of those prayers. Actually, does designate husband prays. Wife prays, both pray.

00:21:47:19 - 00:22:00:22
Unknown
And it's all the prayer is totally written down. Not that you have to stay with it, but it's all written out. And then we also put every ten days a prayer exercise for husbands and wives to work through, to kind of take it a little bit further, a little bit deeper,

00:22:00:22 - 00:22:06:10
Unknown
in your prayer life. So it's not just 40 days of, you know, the readings, but it also includes something that's going to help you,

00:22:06:13 - 00:22:10:06
Unknown
develop the way that you pray as a husband and wife together.

00:22:10:08 - 00:22:25:04
Unknown
So all of that package together is really just an empowering and equipping book for husbands and wives to do the very thing that God wants us to be doing together, and that the enemy doesn't want us to be doing, and that the enemy is trying to keep us from praying together, then

00:22:25:04 - 00:22:29:19
Unknown
that's all the more reason why we need to be make sure that we are praying as a husband and wife.

00:22:29:24 - 00:22:32:24
Unknown
Indeed, and I love that you have

00:22:32:29 - 00:22:37:19
Unknown
some top. Well, for one, I love that you are making it step by step

00:22:37:24 - 00:22:46:23
Unknown
husband wife. It takes any guesswork out everybody you know, it's like I can read through it. I don't have to worry about

00:22:46:28 - 00:22:50:22
Unknown
what I'm going to say. Like there's there's tremendous relief in that.

00:22:50:25 - 00:22:52:09
Unknown
I know, especially for a lot of people.

00:22:52:13 - 00:23:03:26
Unknown
But then the stuff you're you're talking about too, you know, the, the whole of, you know, finding a healthy church topic, that's not something I would have been like, oh, wow, I'm going to pick up this book on prayer, and we're going to go through

00:23:04:00 - 00:23:05:09
Unknown
that. And yet

00:23:05:14 - 00:23:09:27
Unknown
it's an incredibly important thing for for couples to understand.

00:23:09:27 - 00:23:15:01
Unknown
Because some of them may, may have no idea, like, they could be looking for a church.

00:23:15:06 - 00:23:19:20
Unknown
How did you how did you come up with these topics? Like, I mean, some of them sound like

00:23:19:25 - 00:23:23:26
Unknown
things you would expect to find there. What's what are some others that

00:23:24:01 - 00:23:33:16
Unknown
I would say are unexpected that were I would say spiritual warfare is one of them that you might not expect to find in there where there's actually, you know, something.

00:23:33:16 - 00:23:39:27
Unknown
You got to read through that. It really declares who you are as a husband and wife and who God sees you to be. And,

00:23:39:27 - 00:23:42:04
Unknown
the lies of the enemy, I would say that's one,

00:23:42:04 - 00:23:51:06
Unknown
time vacations, travel. We have a chapter on travel. I think that's kind of unusual, but if you really think about it, and as you pray,

00:23:51:10 - 00:23:56:20
Unknown
even, you know, a lot of us will pray when we get on an airplane or we get in the car that's, you know, somewhat normal.

00:23:56:22 - 00:24:23:10
Unknown
But have you ever thought about, like, praying for who you interact with when you're on a trip, like when you're in a hotel, you know, or a restaurant, your waitress who, you know, maybe it's the maid that day. Maybe it's the person at the front desk, maybe it's somebody you meet at a sightseeing place. But really, you know, just committing your day when you're traveling to the Lord and not only for your own safety, but for who you interact with and who interacts with you.

00:24:23:17 - 00:24:43:11
Unknown
So that's kind of a different topic. We've got topics on things like fun, like laughter, because it's so important to a marriage that you just have fun together. Marriage can be heavy sometimes, you know, if you're thinking about finances and conflict and all this, but, you know, just make sure that you're having fun together. Sometimes we'll look at people in the Bible and, you know, how did they have fun?

00:24:43:11 - 00:24:49:18
Unknown
What what did they do? We may use things like that or temptations. One that I think is kind of different.

00:24:49:18 - 00:24:55:29
Unknown
You know, if you really want to get vulnerable, what's, you know, what's an area where as a couple you could be tempted in,

00:24:56:03 - 00:25:01:14
Unknown
so those are some of them. I mean, it's like the way we came up with these topics was first prayer.

00:25:01:16 - 00:25:14:20
Unknown
We prayed about it. Lord, what is it that you'd like us to be writing about? Part of it is, what do we need to hear as a husband and wife? What do we know? What what what impacts Brad and Heidi? And if it impacts Brad and Heidi, maybe it's going to be beneficial for others as well.

00:25:14:25 - 00:25:15:10
Unknown
So

00:25:15:15 - 00:25:22:10
Unknown
something that you've mentioned a couple of times, talking about this idea of praying for marriage purpose,

00:25:22:15 - 00:25:31:01
Unknown
and, and I love that term. Would you unpack that a little bit and describe what marriage purpose is

00:25:31:06 - 00:25:33:15
Unknown
and how it how it's important?

00:25:33:20 - 00:25:51:24
Unknown
Well, I think especially as couples, you know, they hit the empty nest or just but not just then, but as you see it a lot when they hit the empty nest, all of a sudden the wife's purpose has kind of been raising the kids. Even if she had a job outside the home, she still that she felt like that was primarily her responsibility.

00:25:51:29 - 00:26:02:00
Unknown
He may have felt like he needed to be a good provider, and so he was working in a way, from the house a lot. And then all of a sudden the kids leave and they're looking at each other like,

00:26:02:05 - 00:26:12:26
Unknown
okay, we don't have that much in common anymore. And so we think a marriage purpose is really vital to just every marriage out there.

00:26:13:03 - 00:26:25:09
Unknown
And it doesn't have to start at the empty nest or at retirement. You really need to be thinking about your purpose from the moment you get married. And so what does what does that look like? We we talk about

00:26:25:14 - 00:26:31:01
Unknown
that necessarily in the book, but in some of our sessions we talk about how you discover your marriage purpose.

00:26:31:07 - 00:26:52:26
Unknown
One way you discovered is what are the two of you passionate about? Like, for us, one of our purposes really is helping couples build a Christ centered marriage. And so we're all above that, and we work on that in our free time because it brings us joy, it brings us passion, and it helps us be united in something beyond just ourselves.

00:26:52:28 - 00:27:09:00
Unknown
Maybe your marriage purpose is it can be things like getting debt free. It could be like, we want to take a missions trip or maybe we want to lead a missions trip, or it can be. Our purpose is we want to give away money. We want to make enough money that we can be generous. That can be your purpose.

00:27:09:02 - 00:27:27:17
Unknown
Or it could be I want we want to raise godly kids, and we're going to be sold out to raise godly kids, and we're going to do all we can. And so it's kind of discovering that. And then what steps are you going to take to lead you on that path? And and we just believe, like I said, it's so important for every marriage.

00:27:27:22 - 00:27:28:23
Unknown
That's huge. I,

00:27:28:28 - 00:27:29:10
Unknown
I know

00:27:29:13 - 00:27:33:29
Unknown
my wife and I periodically we'll we'll pray and we'll talk about

00:27:34:02 - 00:27:35:21
Unknown
what will the Lord have us do as a couple.

00:27:35:26 - 00:27:38:19
Unknown
And, and so I, you know,

00:27:38:24 - 00:27:41:24
Unknown
I don't know if other couples do that. So that's what so

00:27:41:29 - 00:27:47:01
Unknown
that's so cool that you brought that up. I'm like, oh okay. Yeah. So it resonated with me.

00:27:47:01 - 00:27:50:00
Unknown
But I know based on your reactions,

00:27:50:05 - 00:27:56:24
Unknown
that's not a common thing. So I definitely wanted to have you guys elaborate on that for the listeners because that's

00:27:56:24 - 00:28:00:14
Unknown
that's huge too. Glad you I'm glad you brought it up. Honestly.

00:28:00:14 - 00:28:10:06
Unknown
And in part one of the things that Heidi and I've done, one of our sessions that we offer when we're out doing marriage conferences is one on purpose, and it becomes kind of a workshop to guide couples through.

00:28:10:06 - 00:28:25:16
Unknown
So they get kind of a roadmap, a rough draft of a marriage purpose before that session is over. And they've got something at least directed. And one of the things that kind of, I think spurred us into including it in the book has been the overwhelming response when we've taught that session,

00:28:25:16 - 00:28:33:08
Unknown
at our marriage conferences, because couples are really, really excited to have this common bond together.

00:28:33:10 - 00:28:51:11
Unknown
And it could be like Heidi gave a bunch of great examples, could be like, as simple as, we're going to serve together in the nursery at church and that's our calling, or we are going to serve God. We have a retired couple at our church that have just started being ushers together, and they absolutely love it. And that's their area of serving and connecting and using.

00:28:51:11 - 00:29:00:15
Unknown
Actually, their spiritual gifts of hospitality and encouragement in the context of ushering a church. So, you know, it can be a lot of different things, but it's finding

00:29:00:20 - 00:29:04:24
Unknown
the way Heidi puts it and we got this from some friends of ours finding your thing together.

00:29:04:29 - 00:29:06:22
Unknown
You know, that's what you're really looking for.

00:29:06:27 - 00:29:12:07
Unknown
I like that finding your thing together, something that the two of you can

00:29:12:12 - 00:29:13:27
Unknown
can do together.

00:29:13:27 - 00:29:15:16
Unknown
Focus on, serve

00:29:15:21 - 00:29:19:02
Unknown
and give your energy to is what it sounds like, right? So,

00:29:19:02 - 00:29:21:02
Unknown
That's huge. That's huge.

00:29:21:06 - 00:29:25:07
Unknown
Let me ask, what have you seen God do in marriages

00:29:25:12 - 00:29:31:00
Unknown
that commit to praying together consistently? So as much as people are listening, this and thinking, man,

00:29:31:05 - 00:29:31:19
Unknown
okay,

00:29:31:24 - 00:29:34:02
Unknown
my commit to the book, but but,

00:29:34:06 - 00:29:39:10
Unknown
you know, give me, give me some, give me some results from other people to what?

00:29:39:10 - 00:29:42:04
Unknown
What I'd love to hear any any stories that you have.

00:29:42:08 - 00:29:52:23
Unknown
Nothing's off the table. And God's a big God and he can do anything. So start praying and see what he can do. We had some friends who attended our church here and,

00:29:52:23 - 00:29:58:24
Unknown
we knew them fairly well and they just went through a really rough time in their marriage and their stories public.

00:29:58:24 - 00:30:00:28
Unknown
So they're fine with us using it. But

00:30:01:03 - 00:30:26:23
Unknown
the husband was unfaithful and it just wrecked their marriage. And they ended up even though we tried to help them and everything, they ended up getting a divorce. And it was really sad. And just gut wrenching on many fronts and what that did to their children and everything. And then that couple, after they were separated, divorced and everything the husband really realized the error of his ways, and he realized that he had sinned.

00:30:26:23 - 00:30:32:02
Unknown
He'd sinned against God. He'd sinned against his wife, his children. And so he kind of had an

00:30:32:02 - 00:30:34:27
Unknown
moment. And he came and he talked to Brad, and he's like,

00:30:35:01 - 00:30:47:13
Unknown
I just want my wife back. I and he was repentant and everything. So he began a journey of pursuing her. And eventually, you know, he started dating her again.

00:30:47:15 - 00:30:52:19
Unknown
And on the first night they went out for a date. He said to her, he said, I just got to tell you. He said,

00:30:52:24 - 00:30:54:13
Unknown
I'm bringing somebody else with us.

00:30:54:18 - 00:30:55:28
Unknown
And she's kind of like,

00:30:56:03 - 00:30:57:01
Unknown
Yeah, exactly.

00:30:57:01 - 00:30:57:08
Unknown
Like

00:30:57:13 - 00:31:03:05
Unknown
I'm not really crazy about this idea. She's kind of like, who are you bringing with us? And he said, don't worry.

00:31:03:05 - 00:31:05:18
Unknown
He said, I'm bringing Jesus.

00:31:05:23 - 00:31:19:12
Unknown
And he said the first time we were married, God wasn't really at the center. And now that I'm dating you, I'm committed to putting God at the center. And so before they even went to the restaurant, they sat in the car and he led them in prayer.

00:31:19:16 - 00:31:25:22
Unknown
And this couple just started growing by leaps and bounds, and they started praying together.

00:31:25:22 - 00:31:33:12
Unknown
They started reading Scripture together. And he started wooing his wife, his ex-wife, back. And in time

00:31:33:17 - 00:31:34:29
Unknown
they ended up getting married

00:31:35:04 - 00:31:47:07
Unknown
and she became his wife again. He became her husband again. And they're going gangbusters today. Yep. So that would be like a phenomenal story right there of prayer being at the center of a rebuilding in a marriage.

00:31:47:12 - 00:31:52:17
Unknown
I had a fellow this last Sunday after church. He came up to me and they've been reading through and working through the book

00:31:52:19 - 00:32:03:19
Unknown
Build Your Marriage With Prayer. And he said, hey, he said, I just wanted to tell you. He said, this has been like so altering of our marriage. He said, and this couple has a number of children.

00:32:03:19 - 00:32:18:15
Unknown
They've been married for a while. And he said, we have really had deep conversations. The topics have been so good, he said. We've really drawn closer together as we've been praying together. So, you know, that would be just, you know, kind of a one off example as well.

00:32:18:18 - 00:32:21:12
Unknown
And we keep hearing these stories. The book is pretty fresh out there.

00:32:21:12 - 00:32:33:12
Unknown
So there's not, you know, a flood of stories, but we keep hearing stories of couples that are working their way through the book, and they're absolutely loving it. Whether they've never prayed together and it's gotten them started or,

00:32:33:15 - 00:32:45:26
Unknown
for some couples, they have prayed together. It's been part of their marriage, but this has taken them to deeper levels, and it's been really and deeper meaning, more intimate, conversational, more topics than they would have prayed on before.

00:32:45:28 - 00:32:56:19
Unknown
And so that's been really encouraging and affirming to us. Again, the Holy Spirit directed at the Holy Spirit called us to do it. It's all about glorifying Jesus, and we're grateful that God's using it. To that end.

00:32:56:24 - 00:32:59:24
Unknown
Oh, that's huge. That's huge. That's awesome

00:32:59:29 - 00:33:04:08
Unknown
to hear what happens with couples where

00:33:04:12 - 00:33:05:10
Unknown
one

00:33:05:10 - 00:33:06:01
Unknown
is

00:33:06:06 - 00:33:07:05
Unknown
interested

00:33:07:10 - 00:33:09:07
Unknown
and yet the other is not,

00:33:09:07 - 00:33:13:19
Unknown
so it's one thing if if everybody's scared, but you're coming together scared,

00:33:13:23 - 00:33:19:14
Unknown
but sometimes maybe you've got one who's who's really wants it, the other does it.

00:33:19:18 - 00:33:22:09
Unknown
If if somebody like that is listening,

00:33:22:14 - 00:33:25:21
Unknown
what kind of suggestions would you give them? Or

00:33:25:21 - 00:33:27:22
Unknown
how can how can that gap be bridged?

00:33:27:26 - 00:33:32:14
Unknown
I think one thing is because it's 40 days, you're not committing to a year of prayer.

00:33:32:19 - 00:33:38:11
Unknown
And so you can you can start maybe if you're really nervous, maybe do it every other day. You don't have to.

00:33:38:13 - 00:33:52:03
Unknown
There are 40 days, but maybe you can go every other day or say, let's start this, let's do this. You know, twice a week, three times a week. Let's see how it goes. But it's really it's simple because you don't you just have to read it. You don't even have to,

00:33:52:03 - 00:33:57:21
Unknown
you know, be afraid of what you're going to have to come up with because all the words, as Brad said, are right there.

00:33:57:24 - 00:34:18:10
Unknown
And we would say, just start and just see what it can do. And even when you're praying together, that doesn't mean that, as you know, if I want to pray and and he's more reluctant or hesitant to do that, that doesn't mean that when we're not praying together, like when I'm doing my dishes or getting ready in the morning, I can still be praying for him.

00:34:18:13 - 00:34:30:03
Unknown
I can pray that God will impact him and that God will give him the desire to want to pray together with me, and that God will move on his heart and change his feelings. Our,

00:34:30:03 - 00:34:39:27
Unknown
lesson, his concerns about praying. So even though you're coming together, praying can still be praying for that spouse that's reluctant. They might not even know it.

00:34:39:29 - 00:34:40:18
Unknown
Yeah. And,

00:34:40:23 - 00:34:45:19
Unknown
I feel like that that's a really good because you don't know what can be changing in somebody's heart when you're praying for them.

00:34:45:19 - 00:34:49:12
Unknown
We see that throughout Scripture. I would say to sometimes it's,

00:34:49:15 - 00:34:59:12
Unknown
it's good to just ask permission. Hey, you know, I know you're not comfortable with that. Would you mind if I just say a prayer, you know, for us, and then keep it positive, keep it short.

00:34:59:14 - 00:35:13:19
Unknown
You know, if it's a real long prayer, I mean, they're going to feel like they're can never measure up to that kind of prayer. So, you know, I would keep it just a couple sentences like, God, thank you. So much for our marriage. And we just ask for your blessing on us as we seek your face. Amen. In Jesus name, Amen.

00:35:13:19 - 00:35:22:18
Unknown
Or however. But keep it short, because if you stretch it out, there's going to be an intimidation factor, vulnerability factor, insecurity factor that you'll be introducing,

00:35:22:18 - 00:35:24:13
Unknown
maybe unwittingly by,

00:35:24:13 - 00:35:33:05
Unknown
you know, stretching it out really long enough that you can't on your own pray for as long as God leads you. But maybe with a reluctant spouse, you want to keep it really brief.

00:35:33:08 - 00:35:50:27
Unknown
Or if you have a spouse who's really, really opposed, like maybe they're not a believer and they're just like, there's no way I'm going to do it. You can still get the book, and you can pray the prayers over your marriage and over your family, hoping that with time they'd come along and then you could do it again, perhaps with them.

00:35:51:02 - 00:35:53:16
Unknown
I like that that it depends on where they're,

00:35:53:16 - 00:35:56:20
Unknown
different options. But it also, you've got some

00:35:56:25 - 00:36:03:13
Unknown
you've got some guidelines or you've got some guardrails to, you know, to, to kind of keep you out of the ditches, like you give some direction

00:36:03:18 - 00:36:06:20
Unknown
in, in what people can do and how they can

00:36:06:25 - 00:36:09:11
Unknown
how they can pray. And that's that's huge.

00:36:09:14 - 00:36:12:15
Unknown
I want to I want to circle back on this idea of

00:36:12:19 - 00:36:16:16
Unknown
spiritual initiator that you mentioned earlier. For the men.

00:36:16:20 - 00:36:22:17
Unknown
I love that term because I'm, you know, I try to encourage guys, you know, you

00:36:22:21 - 00:36:32:00
Unknown
guys I speak to, you know, be the spiritual leader in the home, you know, take responsibility, you know, reject that passivity, you know, to to lead.

00:36:32:04 - 00:36:33:09
Unknown
But I love that

00:36:33:13 - 00:36:39:03
Unknown
initiation because the initiation really is that that connecting point to

00:36:39:06 - 00:36:40:14
Unknown
to leadership.

00:36:40:19 - 00:36:41:02
Unknown
So

00:36:41:06 - 00:36:44:26
Unknown
for guys who are listening to this, who, who may be hesitant,

00:36:44:26 - 00:36:48:21
Unknown
for any, any number of reasons,

00:36:48:23 - 00:36:55:12
Unknown
How can they begin this initiation process here elsewhere? We just love to to have you guys expound upon that.

00:36:55:17 - 00:36:56:08
Unknown
Well, I think,

00:36:56:12 - 00:37:05:25
Unknown
I'll just be candid. I think one of the things you can do as an initiator is order the book. I mean, quite frankly, because, you know, it is the roadmap. It takes all the pressure off.

00:37:05:25 - 00:37:27:21
Unknown
All you got to do is read the chapters. I mean, we're disciplined to speaking to the men. We're disciplined about sports center, we're disciplined about the food we eat. We're disciplined about the way that we smoke our meats. We're disciplined about a lot of different things in our lives. Why not bring that same measure of discipline that we already can do into the spiritual aspect of our marriage, and just be the initiator?

00:37:27:25 - 00:37:34:15
Unknown
Sometimes, as men, we will pull back from something that we think is hard or may be impossible, or it might be painful, or it might be vulnerable.

00:37:34:18 - 00:37:41:25
Unknown
And instead, I really encourage you guys, wherever you sense that urge to pull away. Instead, lean in.

00:37:41:28 - 00:37:47:17
Unknown
I think for those of you guys who exercise and work out, you know, there are days when you don't want to write.

00:37:47:17 - 00:37:59:00
Unknown
I mean, it's not like every day you're like, oh boy, I get to work out, you know, maybe more days more, you know, on days than off. But there are some days when you'd rather just lay on the rack and not get up, you know, or go do something else.

00:37:59:04 - 00:38:04:09
Unknown
And those are the days when you press in and you push through and you see breakthrough.

00:38:04:11 - 00:38:21:26
Unknown
Well, the same thing is true in your marriage. You press in and you push through, and you're going to see breakthrough as you take steps into what is going to require a little bit of faith and a little bit of vulnerability, a little bit of stretch on the intimacy level spiritually. But every one of you men can do this.

00:38:21:29 - 00:38:35:23
Unknown
Every single one of you men can do this. All you have to do is be the initiator. And I can promise you, 100% of the wives are going to be grateful that you did 100%. Remember earlier I mentioned that guy who was leading,

00:38:35:25 - 00:38:41:02
Unknown
a seminar with 50 pastors and their wives and not a single husband raised his hand.

00:38:41:08 - 00:38:51:20
Unknown
He told us that later. All the wives are, like, swarming him, going, thank you so much for talking about praying with our spouses. Thank you so much. These are these are pastor's wives.

00:38:51:24 - 00:39:02:06
Unknown
And so, you know, I'm just saying that's a microcosm of what it would be for, for us as men to step into that role. Your wife is going to be forever grateful that you do that.

00:39:02:11 - 00:39:03:22
Unknown
And I'm sure one other thing,

00:39:03:27 - 00:39:05:04
Unknown
something that I did,

00:39:05:09 - 00:39:15:17
Unknown
oh, I don't know. I started doing it a few years ago. I think Heidi knows where I'm going to go with this. But a few years ago and we've been married over three decades at this point. Okay. So it's something new in our marriage.

00:39:15:22 - 00:39:17:13
Unknown
I really kind of just felt like, you know,

00:39:17:17 - 00:39:21:07
Unknown
I wanted to say a prayer of blessing over Heidi at the beginning of the day, you know?

00:39:21:07 - 00:39:22:00
Unknown
And so,

00:39:22:03 - 00:39:39:24
Unknown
when either I would be leaving for work or she'd be leaving for work, I just started, hey, I want to pray for you. And so I'd take her in my arms and just embrace her. And I would just say a very short prayer. It is not a long prayer, but it's just like, Dear God, thank you so much for Heidi, every blessing on her today as she and usually I know what she was doing.

00:39:39:24 - 00:39:46:03
Unknown
It's I just say a prayer over those things, just guide her and help her know. To know the nearness of your presence. In Jesus name, Amen.

00:39:46:07 - 00:39:46:21
Unknown
And,

00:39:46:21 - 00:39:52:25
Unknown
and that would be a, you know, just a simple prayer of blessing over Heidi before we leave. And a few weeks later, Heidi was like,

00:39:53:00 - 00:39:54:08
Unknown
I should be doing that too.

00:39:54:13 - 00:39:58:01
Unknown
And so, so she would be praying for me. And,

00:39:58:04 - 00:39:58:26
Unknown
and now

00:39:59:01 - 00:40:15:22
Unknown
we we couldn't imagine, you know, separating for the day for whatever we're going to be doing without praying over each other and praying that blessing. And it's just, you know, incurring God's favor, God's presence, God's protection over our spouse. And,

00:40:15:22 - 00:40:18:01
Unknown
and it's just a simple way as a husband.

00:40:18:03 - 00:40:18:14
Unknown
Yeah.

00:40:18:19 - 00:40:31:04
Unknown
You're initiating you don't have to know a lot. You don't have to the Bible memorized, you don't have to or whatever. You just you just initiate a prayer of blessing over your wife, and she will love it.

00:40:31:09 - 00:40:34:07
Unknown
That is awesome. Would you,

00:40:34:07 - 00:40:41:28
Unknown
well, before we wrap up, I would love to hear you elaborate a little bit on that idea of praying a blessing,

00:40:42:02 - 00:40:43:28
Unknown
because I know some of the listeners.

00:40:44:02 - 00:40:52:26
Unknown
I mean, I understand where I'm tracking with you, but I don't know that all the listeners would. Would you just elaborate on what a prayer of blessing looks like?

00:40:52:27 - 00:41:09:23
Unknown
Sure. And, you know, Heidi may have some things to throw in on this to all that you've said. Well, I think one thing you can do, we have some friends who do this. We don't we haven't done it in our marriage, but we think it's super neat. What they do is they found a scripture passage and they wrote, looks like Romans 1513, or they use numbers

00:41:09:23 - 00:41:11:23
Unknown
624 to 26.

00:41:11:23 - 00:41:32:11
Unknown
And basically those verses are just asking for God's favor to be upon you. And what they do is they will pray that together they'll just. And after they prayed together at the end of their prayer time, they just read that scripture. They both read it out loud in unison. And that's kind of their parting thing, but really a prayer of blessing.

00:41:32:11 - 00:41:39:18
Unknown
What it is, is you're just asking for God's goodness to be upon your spouse. So you may say something like,

00:41:39:23 - 00:41:52:07
Unknown
Dear God, please bless Brad as he goes into several meetings today with name who they're with. I just pray that you would give him your favor. You would give him your wisdom, and you would give him

00:41:52:12 - 00:41:53:10
Unknown
your,

00:41:53:13 - 00:41:56:16
Unknown
that he would be a blessing to whoever he meets today.

00:41:56:16 - 00:42:02:13
Unknown
In Jesus name. Amen. So it's just something simple like that. There can be an ask, or there can just be,

00:42:02:13 - 00:42:20:03
Unknown
you know, you could ask like, please be with him as he meets with these particular people or just give him your favor. Just kind of a general blessing. That's not specific to that particular day. Yeah. And just to pull out those two words, how used you are really just asking for God's favor and God's goodness on your spouse.

00:42:20:05 - 00:42:23:07
Unknown
And you can be particular about the things that you know that are coming up.

00:42:23:07 - 00:42:35:23
Unknown
But that's it. I mean, that that really kind of encompasses the whole thing and really almost from cover to cover. You see, the word blessed everywhere. I mean, it gets overused in our society, you know, hashtag blessed. You know, you see it all over the place.

00:42:36:01 - 00:42:41:09
Unknown
But when it's used in a prayer and it's genuinely being and sincerely being prayed over your spouse,

00:42:41:09 - 00:42:50:03
Unknown
I do believe, you know, obviously God hears those prayers and he responds to those prayers. And it is a protective covering that you're providing for your spouse.

00:42:50:08 - 00:42:53:23
Unknown
I love that. Thank you for for going into detail on that.

00:42:53:28 - 00:42:59:22
Unknown
Before we wrap up, any last thoughts that you would like to leave our listeners with?

00:42:59:27 - 00:43:03:22
Unknown
On on prayer, on prayer and marriage, any any last

00:43:03:27 - 00:43:18:25
Unknown
any last comments? I would say look at it as kind of a challenge. You know, we love a lot of us love challenges. We love exercise challenges or money challenge money challenges in the sense of like something that we can accomplish and save money or that kind of thing.

00:43:18:25 - 00:43:45:17
Unknown
So I would say, just get started and don't let the enemy intimidate you. Just just start. Even if it's simple, just do it and watch how God changes your marriage, how he unites you, and how your faith will grow. Because you pray together and you submit your will to God's. You will see how God just answers prayer and just really kind of blows your mind with the blessings he can

00:43:45:22 - 00:43:46:22
Unknown
bestow upon you.

00:43:46:28 - 00:43:48:24
Unknown
Yeah. And right with that, as Heidi,

00:43:48:24 - 00:44:01:18
Unknown
already alluded, persevere. You press in and you persevere. You get started pressing. Persevere. Don't let up. Because this is this is crucial to the health and success of your marriage in fact, something we didn't even talk about.

00:44:01:25 - 00:44:07:06
Unknown
I can't believe I didn't bring this up. But, you know, the divorce statistics are basically one out of every two marriages.

00:44:07:06 - 00:44:10:09
Unknown
It's even higher for second and third marriages.

00:44:10:13 - 00:44:15:23
Unknown
For the couples that pray together, it's one out of every 1152.

00:44:15:27 - 00:44:34:13
Unknown
You protect your marriage. You coat your marriage really with God's protection from the enemy's attacks and the world's attacks. When you pray together, why wouldn't you do the very thing, the most important thing that is not only going to build your marriage, but protect your marriage for life.

00:44:34:18 - 00:44:39:22
Unknown
And that's to pray together. So get started, persevere. Stick to it and you'll be glad you did.

00:44:39:22 - 00:45:00:04
Unknown
And I would add to that there's another statistic out there by Bradford Wilcox at the University of Virginia, and he did a study and determined that 78% of couples who pray together rate their marriage as very happy or extremely happy. So if you want to increase the happiness and the joy factor in your marriage, pray together.

00:45:00:09 - 00:45:02:16
Unknown
Wow. Those are

00:45:02:21 - 00:45:06:10
Unknown
those are crazy statistics. But I like that. Like they just

00:45:06:14 - 00:45:07:22
Unknown
mind blowing.

00:45:07:26 - 00:45:08:18
Unknown
Wow.

00:45:08:23 - 00:45:11:17
Unknown
So man, thank you for sharing that. And

00:45:11:22 - 00:45:15:06
Unknown
if you're listening man, this matters.

00:45:15:11 - 00:45:17:17
Unknown
Like this. This not only changes

00:45:17:22 - 00:45:19:08
Unknown
your lives, it changes,

00:45:19:08 - 00:45:20:10
Unknown
generations to come.

00:45:20:10 - 00:45:20:23
Unknown
So,

00:45:20:23 - 00:45:23:03
Unknown
and I just want to encourage you to,

00:45:23:03 - 00:45:31:01
Unknown
to get this book. Brad and Heidi, if people want to know more about you, more about your ministry, more about this book, where would you like them to go?

00:45:31:03 - 00:45:36:08
Unknown
Yeah, they can just go to our website and it's Build Your marriage.org. And,

00:45:36:08 - 00:45:39:13
Unknown
there you'll find a tab that says books. And

00:45:39:16 - 00:45:43:28
Unknown
when you go there, you'll see the other books we've written, but it'll all click through to Amazon. So you could go to Amazon.

00:45:43:28 - 00:45:48:20
Unknown
But probably the quickest route is to build your marriage talk and then just, you know, click on the tab.

00:45:48:27 - 00:45:50:00
Unknown
We also have a lot of,

00:45:50:02 - 00:46:03:12
Unknown
blogs. We've written almost 300 marriage articles that you can search for by topic that may be beneficial for helping you to equip, your listeners. And if anybody wants to, you know, host a marriage conference, that's another way to connect with us. But,

00:46:03:15 - 00:46:11:21
Unknown
the book Build Your Marriage with Prayer can be found either on our website, builder Builder Marriage Dawg, or on Amazon, and it's available as a Kindle download as well.

00:46:11:26 - 00:46:16:15
Unknown
Excellent. So build your marriage.org is the website we're going to drop it in the show notes.

00:46:16:20 - 00:46:21:28
Unknown
Check out the website. Get the book either in print like on paper or Kindle.

00:46:21:28 - 00:46:24:23
Unknown
And and begin this process fellas, especially,

00:46:25:00 - 00:46:27:16
Unknown
become that spiritual initiator

00:46:27:21 - 00:46:30:22
Unknown
in your marriage. So, Brad, Heidi, this has been,

00:46:31:00 - 00:46:32:07
Unknown
this has been a wonderful conversation.

00:46:32:07 - 00:46:34:12
Unknown
I've I've enjoyed it. I've learned a ton.

00:46:34:16 - 00:46:41:19
Unknown
And I know the audience has, too. So thank you for joining me today. Oh thank you, Eric, it's been a privilege to be with you. Thank you so much.