#18 More Than ‘Just a Mom’: Embracing Identity & Purpose for Christian Moms

Motherhood is skillful, intentional, and deeply impactful—not “just” a role. In this episode, Karla Monterrosa explores how culture undervalues homemaking and family life, offering encouragement to Christian working moms and young women balancing faith and family purpose.

Have you ever heard someone say, “I’m just a mom”? That one small word—just—can quietly diminish the value of motherhood and reshape how we see ourselves.

Key takeaways include:

• Why the word “just” matters more than we realize
• How culture has subtly devalued motherhood and homemaking
• The real, practical skills required to run a home well
• Why homemaking is an intentional, developed calling—not a default role
• Encouragement for young women and working moms feeling the pull toward home
• How to model the value of family life for the next generation

We’ll also discuss how your education, career, and life experiences enrich your motherhood and homemaking journey—nothing is wasted.

This episode reminds you that you are not just a mom—you are shaping lives, building a home, and creating a lasting legacy.

If you feel tension between your career and home, or a desire to live more intentionally, this conversation will encourage you to embrace the beauty, dignity, and purpose of your calling.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:03

Welcome back to Discovering Home. I'm your host, Carla Monterrossa. A wife, mom, and coach for women who desire a life that aligns with what matters most.

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Their faith, family, and their God-given purpose. Welcome back to Discovering Home.

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I'm your host, Carla Monterrossa, a wife, homeschooling mom of two, and coach for women who desire a life that aligns with what matters most to them. Their faith, family, and God-given purpose. On today's episode, I want to share something that's been on my mind for a while. Recently, I was sitting around a table with a group of teenage girls. We were having a conversation about the future. And they were each sharing the careers they were interested in pursuing. And I asked a simple follow-up question, is anyone looking forward to being a mom? And to my surprise, one of these bright young women said, If I was just going to be a mom, I don't think I would try so hard. And that stayed with me. Isn't it interesting how one small word can change the meaning of everything? That word just. When you look at how it's defined, it means things like only, merely, no more than, or barely. And so when we insert that word into a sentence, it doesn't add value. It actually reduces it. It reduces the importance, shrinks the significance, and lowers the perceived value of whatever comes after it. That one word quietly reframes motherhood in a negative way, from something weighty and meaningful into something that sounds small, simple, or unimpressive. And the truth is that word doesn't just affect how others hear us, it affects how we see ourselves too. It often softens our identity and downplays our contribution. It can even signal subtly that what we're doing isn't enough. And when I really think about it, I think it stems from an insecurity that, in fact, we aren't doing something meaningful when we are focusing on raising our children. We use it when we feel unsure, when we feel the need to justify ourselves, or when we've internalized the belief that this role isn't as valuable as others. But that belief didn't come from nowhere. It reflects a broader message we've been surrounded by, that value is tied to income, that success is measured by what we achieve outside the home. And that importance is based on visibility. And so anything centered in the home, especially motherhood, gets quietly diminished or pushed aside. But when you remove that one word, everything changes. I'm a mom. See, it lands differently. It carries more weight, influence, and responsibility. It implies formation and legacy. Because motherhood is not only anything. We are shaping lives, discipling hearts, building families, and influencing generations. So maybe it's time we remove that word from our vocabulary when someone asks us what we do for a living. We are not just a mom. We are a bomb. I'm a mom, a homemaker, and a homeschooling parent. See how that lands differently? More confidently? I understand that the culture is very loud and very clear in its messaging about ambition, success, and the girl and the girl boss mentality. But are we as moms being just as intentional in making sure our daughters and our sons understand that motherhood, homemaking, and building a family are also worthy, valuable, and deeply impactful work. Managing, coordinating, organizing, planning, cooking, nurturing, listening, decluttering, shaping the minds and hearts of the next generation through example and intentional discipleship. None of this happens automatically. Our learned, practiced, cultivated skills. And when you begin to see it that way, you realize just how much intention. Homemaking is not a default role. It's not something you just fall into. It's developed and cultivated. It's a calling. And somewhere along the way, our culture has minimized it. We've been taught to measure productivity by income, output, and what can be seen and quantified. But the home doesn't operate that way. The home is where lives are shaped. It's where faith is lived. It's where memories are built quietly, consistently over time. And yet we've been taught to prepare for careers, but not for the home that sustains everything. And I think it's time we begin to see that differently. When you really begin to look at what it takes to run a home well, you realize just how much skill is involved. This is not passive work. This is active, intentional, thoughtful work. You are managing so much more than people realize. You're managing the rhythm of your home, the emotional climate of your family, and often stewarding finances, even on one income. You are managing energy, time, emotions, and resources all at once. You're coordinating schedules, appointments, activities, church, homeschool, daily responsibilities. I remember seasons, especially in early motherhood, where there are moments when everything overlaps. One child needs something, another has to be somewhere else. Dinner still has to be made, and you feel like you're holding everything together in your mind at once. That's coordination and it takes skill. Let's talk about organizing. Your home to function smoothly. Because organization is what allows peace. Organization is often what allows peace to exist in your mind. When things have a place and there is order, there's a sense of calm that flows from that. You're also planning. Meals, routines, school rhythms, birthdays, holidays, the flow of your days and seasons. Planning is what allows you to live intentionally instead of constantly reacting. It's what allows you to slow down and actually have rest and enjoy your life at home. You're cooking and meal prepping, nourishing your family, being mindful of your budget, caring for their health. There's a lot involved. And over time, what once felt overwhelming becomes something gosh. You're nurturing life and tending to what's been placed in your care. It requires patience. It teaches you to think long term. Because the seeds you plant today, you won't see the results of that right away. But you trust that growth is happening. This is one of the most important and most overlooked skills of motherhood. Listening to your children, hearing their hearts, being emotionally available, creating a space where they feel safe to come to you. Listening is one of the most powerful things you can offer your children. Then there's decluttering, not just physically, but mentally too. Letting go of what doesn't benefit you, letting go of what doesn't truly add value to your life but only creates stress is also an important skill. In your home, creating space allows there to be more peace, clarity, and rest in your mind and in your physical space. There's something deeply spiritual about the process as well. Learning to release what weighs you down and know that God will continue to provide. Yes, the things you've accumulated over the years may have some sentimental value, but if they are just stressing you out and don't really have a place in your life anymore, consider minimizing that or letting it go. Understanding what your children need in each stage so you can respond with wisdom instead of reacting out of frustration is another thing that takes great skill. And this is something I've had the opportunity to grow in through raising and homeschooling my own girls. So know that you are creating an atmosphere in your home. It doesn't have to be perfect, but it does take some intention. Beauty, warmth, a welcoming environment doesn't happen by accident. And it has a deep impact on your family life. You're creating a place your family wants to come to. So when you step back and look at all of this, you realize this is not small work. This is layered, meaningful, skillful work. Since coming home, some of the areas where I have grown the most have been in home organization, interior decorating, decluttering, gardening, cooking, and stewardship. These were not things that came naturally to me. And when I first came home, I realized pretty quickly that I had a lot to learn. I had spent years in survival mode just getting by, focusing on my career, doing what I needed to do in the moment, but not necessarily building the systems, the rhythms, and the skills that could create a peaceful, well-functioning home. And that realization was humbling because I think sometimes we assume that we'll just know how to do this, that it will come naturally. But for some of us, it doesn't. It's learned, it's practiced, it's developed over time. But the beautiful thing is we don't have to figure it out alone. There are so many resources available to us now. So many women are sharing their experiences and what they've learned in homemaking, creating content that encourages, equips, and supports other moms. I've I'm so grateful for the women that are boldly stepping out there and sharing their journeys because I've learned so much through them. They've helped me become more intentional. They've helped me move from just getting by to truly building a home that feels peaceful, functional, and life-giving. I'm still learning. I'm still growing. I'm still refining along the way, but that's all part of the process and the beauty of the journey. So homemaking is not something you just arrive at. It's something you continue to grow into. So whether you prepared before it or are learning on the job as you go, it's something worthy of investing your time and talents too. It's something meaningful and powerful and beautiful. So you're not just a mom or just a homemaker. You're doing deeply valuable and beautiful work. And the impact will last for generations. Sometimes I've asked myself if I knew I was going to one day choose to become a stay-at-home mom, would I have made different choices about my education? And the honest answer is, yeah, probably. I might have chosen something that more directly supported my home life. Maybe culinary school, interior design, child development. Those are just some of the things that come to mind right now. Instead, I studied urban studies and planning. I earned a master's in public administration and built a career in public service, management, and leadership. But here's what I've come to understand. While that doesn't directly relate to homemaking, nothing I learned was ever lost. Because even now, as I raise my daughters, as I manage my home, as I coach women walking through their own transitions, I'm still drawing from everything I learned in those years. Someone once told me, but you're not using your degree. I don't think that's true. My education has shaped me and none of it is wasted. It has made me who I am today. And even the way I think and speak. I'm still drawing from everything I've learned in those years. The way I manage, the way I plan, the way I lead in my home, the way I guide other women. It all came with me. God wastes nothing. No, he redeems it. And in this season, I realize something even more. So I've lived both. I've lived the pace of public life and I've lived the intentional, quiet life at home. I understand the tension, the questions, the transition. And because of that, I can speak with a different kind of wisdom. Not in theory, but because I've lived it. And so if you're a young woman listening, it's wise to prepare. This season of your life where you may have more time, more flexibility, more independence, it's truly a gift. You can devote yourself fully to the Lord, to your education, to building skills, even to building a career if you're a single young woman. But I would also encourage you to hold space for the possibility that one day you may feel called to slow down, to raise children, to build a home, to create something beautiful and lasting within your family. And if that day comes, the skills you've been building won't be wasted. They will simply be used differently.

SPEAKER_00 14:14

And woven into a life that reflects what matters most in this season. And yet, despite all of that, we've believed the lie.

SPEAKER_01 14:26

If I was just going to be a mom, that word just that word just, it minimizes something that is actually incredibly significant. And that belief doesn't come from nowhere. It comes from a culture that has elevated certain paths while quietly diminishing others. But when we begin to believe that motherhood is something small, something that doesn't require preparation, we begin to undervalue not only the role but the women who step into it. And the young woman responded, Well, that's demeaning. And I just remember thinking, this is how the narrative is being shaped. Not always loudly, but subtly and consistently, through small comments like that. I paused the show and had a conversation with my girls about that because it's important to me that they understand that there is intention behind the messaging in the media that we consume. And so I try to watch things with my girls when they're interested, especially if it's a new show, to vet it, to make sure that the messaging isn't something crazy. And when it comes to new shows, more often than not, we're going to find material that doesn't align with our biblical and Christian principles. But we can talk through those things and often it's a teaching moment and teaches them a lesson. I've found that truly valuable, just sitting with them and watching together, because then I can spot things like that and speak truth over the lie before they are just believing it. But, anyways, comments like that begin to redefine how people see marriage and family life, and even how young women begin to view motherhood. So when you pair that phrase with things like, I'm just a mom, or if I was just going to be a mom, you start to see the connection. There's quiet mess, there is a quiet message being repeated over and over again. That these roles are less than, that they're limiting, that they're unworthy, something you settle for instead of something you value and prepare for. But we know the truth. And that is that could not be further from reality. And that could not be further from reality. Because what happens in the home, in motherhood, and building a family is some of the most influential, shaping, and enduring work there is. And if we don't intentionally speak a different message, women, if we don't model it, if we don't affirm it, then the culture will continue to define it for the next generation. Motherhood is not something you fall into, it's something you can choose, you can choose and grow into. Yes, this requires intention. It requires development and a willingness to learn. So I just want to make sure that young women know that it is a beautiful option. And if you're a young woman listening or even a working mom who feels the pull toward home, I want to encourage you. Preparing for that life, preparing for the life you desire is not wasted. It's wisdom. You know what's interesting is that this isn't just something we feel intuitively. There's actually a significant amount of research that supports it. Research consistently shows that the relationship between a mother and her child has a direct impact on that child's emotional health, their behavior, and how they relate to others as they grow. In simple terms, how a mother relates to her child becomes how that child begins to relate to the world. Studies have also shown that a mother's involvement in her child's daily life, things like talking with them, reading to them, guiding them, creating structure and rhythm, it actually shapes how that child thinks, learns, and develops cognitively. These everyday ordinary moments of being present at home, they're not small. They're building something. So when we talk about homemaking, when we talk about being present in the home, about building a life centered around family, this is not small work. This is shaping lives. What you do in your home today is going to echo into the future. For those of us who are already raising children, we have a responsibility not just to build our homes, but to shape how our children see the value of home. Because from a very young age, people begin to ask them, what do you want to be when you grow up? And most of the time, the intended response or the expected response is a career, a job title, a profession. And there's nothing wrong with that, but what if we're unintentionally teaching them that their value is tied only to what they do outside the home? What if we're not showing them the full picture? Because the truth is, our children do have options. Our daughters have options to become mothers, homemakers, even homeschoolers, to build a life centered on faith, family, and home. And our sons have the opportunity too to become men who lead, provide, and support that kind of life. To value a wife who desires to be home and to see that role as beautiful, honorable, and deeply impactful. So we have to start saying it out loud. It's the only way to counter the messaging that they are being bombarded with all the time. And we also have to model it and affirm it with our lives. And this is important because if we don't, the world will be very loud in telling them that those paths are small, limiting, less than. But we know that's not true. There's nothing small about raising children. There's nothing insignificant about building a home. This is generational work. It's legacy work. It's kingdom work. So let's make sure that when we talk to our children about their future, we don't just give them one version of success. Let's give them a vision that includes home and family life, that makes space for a life that is slower, intentional, and deeply meaningful. Because at the end of the day, accumulation of wealth and stuff is not what leads to true happiness. One day they may choose the path to be moms and homemakers, and let's set them up to feel confident in their role and their work. Not confused, hesitant, unsure, or ashamed, or worse ashamed of it. But with the understanding that what they are doing truly matters. And this is where this all comes together. Because the peace we want to bring into our homes, the steadiness, the presence, Because the peace we want to bring into our homes? It begins with understanding the value of the work we've been given. So when we reframe motherhood like this, we begin to see homemaking not as something small, but as something deeply meaningful. It changes how we show up. It gives us a quiet confidence, not loud, striving, but rooted. Not loud or striving. But rooted in love. A confidence that says, what I'm doing matters. And that kind of confidence is something our children can feel. It's something they'll learn from. It's something that we can pass on, not just to our daughters, but to our sons as well. Because we are shaping how they will one day view family, how they will value home, and how they will step into the roles they've been given. So, yes, requires skill. And those skills are worth pursuing. There's a lot I didn't know before becoming a stay-at-home mom. There are so many things I had to learn along the way. And sometimes it was hard. I didn't walk into this season fully equipped. I had to grow into it, and my perspective has changed a lot. What I once may have overlooked, I now deeply value. What once felt ordinary, I now see as meaningful, powerful work. And if I could go back and tell my younger self anything, I would tell her to prepare. Not just for a career, but for the family she desires to build, to value the quiet, unseen work of home. And there's nothing wrong with learning along the way. That's what I did. But there's wisdom in preparing ahead of time if you can. And remember, nothing is ever wasted. God uses every season to prepare you for the next, every experience, every skill. He prepares us in ways we don't always recognize in the moment, but we'll see it later. And if you feel that pull toward home, toward slowing down, toward building something more intentional for your family, I want you to know that that desire is beautiful and valuable. Home is not a lesser calling, it's a sacred assignment. It's ministry. Because the work you do in your home, although it may not always be seen or recognized, it is shaping lives, forming hearts, and building something that will last for generations. And if this is a season where you're feeling that pull toward home, toward slowing down, toward building something more intentional for your family, I want to invite you to take the next step. You can visit my website at carlabimonterosa.com, where I have resources to help you begin this journey. You can take my free quiz, download my guide, or get connected with me through my email list. And if you're looking for more personal support, I also offer coaching for women who are navigating this transition and want clarity, direction, support, and encouragement along the way. You don't have to figure it out alone. I'd love to walk alongside you. Thank you for being here with me today. If this episode encouraged you, I would love for you to share it with a friend or leave a review. It truly does help more women find this message. Until next time, God bless you. A mother's emotional and mental well-being doesn't just affect her, it affects the entire family. When a mother is supported, when she is at peace, when she is emotionally present, it creates an environment where children are more likely to thrive. There's a ripple effect that starts with her and touches everything in the home. Stable nurturing home environments are strongly connected to better long-term outcomes for children, emotionally, academically, and even relationally later in life. So while there are many factors that contribute to that kind of stability, one of the most consistent influences is the day-to-day presence and involvement of a parent at all. But as you know, I speak to moms on my show. So what's so powerful about this is that it's not about big dramatic moments. It's about the daily faithfulness, the conversations, the listening, the routines, the guidance, the presence. These are all things that help children develop emotional stability, confidence, and the ability to build healthy relationships in the future. And I think this is so important to say clearly because sometimes the work of home can feel unseen. It can feel repetitive, ordinary, even unnoticed at times. But what you are doing is formative. You are shaping how your child sees themselves, how they process their emotions, how they relate to others, and even how they will function as adults. Of course, fathers matter deeply. Family dynamics are complex. There are many factors that influence a child's life. But research continues to affirm that a mother plays a unique and relational role, especially in those early and foundational years. I'm gonna cut that whole section and put it in a different file for a later episode.