Why Most People STAY Stuck: Sami Sacchi Reveals All | Grow With Kepo Ep. 4

Why do we wait for “the right time” to start? In this powerful episode, I sit down with leadership coach Sami Sacchi to unpack the real reason you feel stuck and how to take action even when you do not feel ready.

If you have ever felt trapped in quiet misery, stuck in autopilot, or frustrated with yourself for not making moves, this conversation is your permission slip to break free. Sami shares how to reconnect with your inner power, why clarity comes from action (not overthinking), and how to stop people-pleasing so you can focus on your goals.

We talk about self-awareness, building courage, and how to shift out of fear and into unapologetic action without waiting for life to throw you a curveball first.

💡 In this episode, you will learn:
• How to reconnect with your true self and values
• Why pain, even quiet pain, is a powerful wake-up call
• The 3 things you need to wake up your soul
• How to get clarity on what you actually want
• Why it is okay to be selfish and say YES to yourself

If you are ready to stop feeling stuck, shift out of autopilot, and finally take aligned action, this is for you.

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Don’t miss a moment of clarity, confidence and aligned action.

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Transcript

Sami: 0:00

Courage is not about being fearless, right? It's about feeling the fear and doing it anyway. The goal is never to make fear go away. If you don't have fear like you are a psychopath, if you are not happy in this moment, you will never be. For me, the biggest clarity comes from looking

Kepo: 0:21

here is something you need to hear. You're not lazy. You're just misaligned. I'm Keppel. I help high performers get un stock by taking bold, aligned action, and this is Grow with Keppel, where we speak with influential trailblazers who've made their mark and found the clarity that changed their lives. This is where we get clear realigned and move toward a life that actually feels like yours. Welcome to the show. All right. Welcome back to the show you guys. Today's guest is a very special person that I've known for quite some time now. We actually met through a mutual friend about a decade ago, right? Ever since then, she doesn't know this. She's about to find this out, but I've been admiring her from afar because I just really love what she's building and who she's been in the world. Sammy Achi is a passionate educator. She is a fire starter. She helps leaders, organizations, individuals to break out of their cycles. She's a founder of the Self Academy, which is really about leading yourself first and reconnecting to your true self. And what I really love about her is that she's really all about. Unapologetically taking charge of your true self and what does that even mean? It means getting past the conditioning, the fears, and all the noise in our head, and that really forms the foundation for what we're going to be delving deep into today, which again, is all around the whole why you won't feel ready. Why that's not such a bad thing and how to actually move past it. I am super excited about today's conversation. Let's get into it. Sammy, welcome to the show.

Sami: 2:19

Thank you for such a beautiful and kind introduction. I'm so excited to be here.

Kepo: 2:25

Yeah, I'm really excited to. So before, before we hit record, we did talk about a few things that we wanted to touch on and. The past few series that I've done have delved deep into why people will never be ready their mental blockers, but as somebody who works with people and organizations that you work from. Inside out. I think the first thing that I just want to hear from you is what you're doing with the Self Academy and as, as to how that pertains to today's topic.

Sami: 2:59

Yeah. Well, you know, you, you did a good intro on just this kind of reconnection, I think. What I do is basically help people understand themselves and the world. Mm-hmm. In a way that it gives them back their power. Where they see, where you see yourself as an, as a co-creator with the universe where you see yourself as an agent of change. For me, that's what leadership is, where you see power as something that comes from within instead of something that people either give you or that. Requires something to have control over. It's like a different, I create different maps of reality that help us create. A different, a different system, a different way of relating to ourselves, to each other, and to the world, you know? And I think we're all, I feel society, I mean, we're like thirsty for this because there's so much in our system that is like, doesn't support our, for our full humanity, and we don't learn. Navigate life. We're kinda like thrown in there and like, follow the manual, get a degree, like survive, make money, and we're like miserable. And we're like, what is everyone else doing? Like, and we're just kinda lost doing this whole thing. I take us off of, of the autopilot, bring a little bit more conscious awareness into, into this thing called, uh, life.

Kepo: 4:14

You know, something that I like that you said is the fact that we get to co-create. And taking ourselves out of the autopilot. Right? So when you think about what is holding people back from. Starting right. Or even before that, like why they feel they need to be ready or they'll never be ready. How do those two things work? Like moving from autopilot to actually shifting that, thinking that, okay, no, actually I'm in charge of all of all this.

Sami: 4:45

It's interesting, like I think about this twofold. When you were asking the question, I thought, well, first. When you're on an autopilot, right. And it's kind of like, ah, it's kind of working. Right, right. Normally people need like some sort of, and that's why unfortunately pain is such a big catalyst. So sometimes people's like awakening, let's say, is like. A health problem or like an accident, right. Or you know, God forbid like a loved one dies. Like something happens that is just like life slapping you in the face being like, wake up because something is not working. And I always say like, it, it first like whispers, but we're not good at hearing whispers because we're like creatures of of comfort. And so we keep kinda like doing what's more or less working. Like we're not dying, we're not thriving. But it's kinda like, okay, so that like reason. To change. Sometimes it's internal, like mm-hmm. Like I can't do this anymore. But that, that's, I think, the first level here. And I, I imagine people listening to this, like already had some version of that, right? Yeah. There, there's something in them that said, Hey, I need, something needs to be different. I don't know what, so once that has happened, um, I think what, what tends to stop people from actually doing the change or starting the thing. And I think it's, it's multi-layered, you know, but the first thing that comes to my mind. One, one layer of it, I think is clarity. So if you don't know, it's sort of like if you're just confused. And that's, that's a good phase too though, right? Yeah. Like, oh my God. So sometimes knowing what's a no is like the first step to, mm-hmm. To be, okay, let me find the, yes. It's not this, it's not this, it's not this. And there's like this search that happens, right? It's like the journey. Begins and Right. Different people. And of course I have a lot of people come to me in these phases. Um, many people who have done my women's program come to the self Academy. They're in this awakening period, and they're like, there's something more. I need help. I need direction. And so, right. I think the cool thing about. When, when you find the right people to guide you, you start to find clarity, not in external things, not in like a map you found, or, oh, the person's doing that. These things can inspire you, right? Like other people doing things can be really inspirational, but for me, the biggest clarity comes from looking inward.

Kepo: 6:59

Hmm. Like,

Sami: 6:59

okay, well, like, and, and I think that's what co-creating means, right? It's like, okay, I'm this, I have these strengths and these things that move me. Some things that like shut me down and make me feel anxious and terrible and others that like light me up and expand me. And that's like starts to be my map right. Of, of, of right. Interacting. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And learning that, like learning those signals, learning your own emotions, learning how life and, and your body speak to you, right? Like Yeah. Actually creating, it's like a new language, it's a new map, right? A new, like you said. Yeah, like we're so used to people, the educational system, like everyone else telling us what to do, like study this, get this grade, grade, next grade. Like it's, it's like everything's kind of like tapping into the inner resource and like the inner compass, right. To then inform your outer action. Right. It is a whole, it's, it's a paradigm shift.

Kepo: 7:52

You took was right out of my mouth. I was gonna say it's a paradigm shift. Exactly. Then

Sami: 7:57

the inner work piece. You know, I'd say that's the biggest chunk of it. Like, like facing your fears, un understanding your blockages, seeing all of the little tricky ways in which self-sabotage shows up, up, masked as other things. Little things like the inability to say no if you can't say no to certain things. Yeah, found exactly right. Yeah. It's just all these little ways they creep up. And I'm gonna add like a third layer here. Mm-hmm. Because I think there's also something that is real is, and it's the support systems. Support systems are important. I think Absolutely.

Kepo: 8:38

Yeah. Being in that community of people who are actually striving for the same things that you're striving for, or in that community where certain behaviors are actually rewarded versus being in autopilot, for example. Is that kind of what you mean by support system?

Sami: 8:57

Yeah. Yeah. I think community is a huge one, but yeah, people that are like are gonna support that new direction and that new version of you and those dreams, and instead of being like, oh, well what are you doing? Come back to the, come back to the, come back to the play stage. Come back to the Matrix.

Kepo: 9:14

I want to touch on a few things that you mentioned that I don't want people to miss, right. Number one is that whole idea of, wait, it's pain. That wakes me up. For some people, they might not go through some kind of tragic event or something massive. For some people, and I can use myself as an example, I have felt pain, but it's not pain that, oh, I lost someone or I lost the limb. It's that pain of, that I call, um, quiet. The life of quiet misery. You are going every day and you have your routine and yeah, you have a good job and but. You just feel like there is more and to the point where you now it starts to keep you up at night. You know, you go on social media and you are just reminded by all these other people that seem to have their shit together. It's like, oh my gosh. Like, and there's something Ros up in. You get jealous because you are seeing who you can be, but you're so mad at yourself. Like, why am I doing this? You know, so that pain is real, you guys. The second thing that Sammy touched on is clarity. Oh my goodness. I think we should go deep into that one. Like clarity. Like there's so much to, there's, there's so many ways to take this conversation. The clarity that we need and also the fears, the blockers and the system like, so just going to clarity, like, can we just touch a little bit on that, like even further, right. If somebody doesn't know where to start. Today, what is the number one thing they need clarity on?

Sami: 10:56

I mean, I would start with just basic self-awareness. So like your values. Values discovery mm-hmm. Is one of the first, uh, things that I do, I've done with clients in the past that I do with my programs, right?

Kepo: 11:11

Mm-hmm. And

Sami: 11:12

just like, yeah, getting to know these different pa aspects of yourself, but your, your values and your, your vision. Is going to be like this north star. It doesn't mean it's not gonna evolve over time, right? But like at this point in time, you need to just start reflecting on that.'cause that does set the, the direction to some extent, because it's all about boundaries, right? You're, you're, again, boundaries are like your network of yeses and nos. And so the clarity means okay, like what am I a yes to and what am I a no to? That's mm-hmm. Right? Like what, what is calling me? Right. What, what, what is it that is like pushing me? And then that, that life of quiet desperation that you said. Yeah. It's just terrible. And I wanna say something about that. That's like, sometimes it's so tough because one thing that sometimes stops us from pursuing our actual vision values, dreams are a, like an authentic life is right. The guilt. And like, I, I felt it slightly in, in the way you voiced it too. Like, I have a good job, but it's like. What is good, right? It's, it's like we're checking these boxes and then there's this voice of guilt saying like, you should be grateful. You have everything. Like, why aren't you happy and grateful? And then there's, you're not only not able to feel the emotions that are telling you, you're not in the right place. Slight anxiety, right? Like not being able to sleep, uh mm-hmm. Stress, but it's, it's this low level stress. It's not like you're like, ah, I'm dying. No, it's like this, but it's that. This is a voice and anxiety can be many things, but one thing it's often is, is. Your needs not being met and needs we're talking about not only from the basic level of like, you're not eating right, you're not getting enough nutrients, you're not drinking enough water. Yeah. You're not exercising enough, or you're not getting enough intimacy, love, belonging, or you're just not showing up in the world in the way that you know you're meant to show up. And so this anxiety. Exactly. It's

Kepo: 13:06

like, yeah, you're not contributing, you don't feel like you're growing, you're just kind of. Hanging around and Oh, you're checking the

Sami: 13:16

boxes, right? You're, yeah,

Kepo: 13:19

yeah, yeah. And something that I can attest to is when that pain becomes greater, oh, it becomes greater than the pain that you think is attached to actually doing that thing or facing your fears. That is when the shift happens. At least that is when it happened for me, I was like, okay, we can't, I, I literally got to a point where I was like, I can't continue this way. Like, I, I feel like I'm going to pull my hair out and you are right. It's that it's a low level of stress. It's just like. It's buzzing. It's like you're just, you're buzzing. Your feet are never quite on the ground and that, that's what it feels like, you know? Yeah.

Sami: 13:58

And you know what, there's a personal story I can share about this. Another company, I have a company with my mom called Marli Camino. Mm-hmm. Right. That we, we built together and, you know, yeah. It was beautiful. And I, I started helping her out in college, and then when I moved back to Madrid, we grew it and it was just such a beautiful like. Project and business. And at some point, speaking of the signs, our body gives us my, like, my attitude with my mother was like this rebellious, angry teenager all of the time. And I was aware about it and I, I was a coach already. I did my master's degree. I was like in therapy and I would apologize to her. Right? It wasn't just like, I was like, mom, I'm. Sorry, I, it was, but, and then at some point, after months of not seeing her, we have a coffee, we have a tea, whatever, at a, at a cafe. And again, I have this like annoyed attitude, you know? And she says to me like, I can't believe after all these months we haven't seen each other. Like, how is it that, you know, like it can't be that you still have this had. And you know, and I was just with that self-awareness, I was like, mom, I'm sorry, I, I'm sorry. You're right. It's bigger than me. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I've done everything. And we just kinda sat there in silence for a moment, and then we were walking in and then she said, then we can't work together anymore. Oh, wow. And I was like, wow. And then it's so crazy because actually when she said those words, I felt. Like the biggest relief I have felt in my life because I was unable to say those words because I had so much guilt and I felt I couldn't abandon her. And I felt that was my role and I was scared of who I would be. What if I like so many things and so life kind of like. Through, through these unconscious attitudes. Right? It just like forced that, that and then, and I, I often say, like one of my coaches says like, we don't know how to end things.

Kepo: 15:58

Oh my

Sami: 15:59

goodness. Feel conscious. Like ending things is an art. Like we, we how to end things. So we're kind of just there in this thing and, and then sometimes. Ends it for us with some horrible situation or cata, you know, something that just sucked and it's painful. Mm-hmm. But we, we couldn't, we weren't able to consciously choose it. And so life in that moment chose it for me. And that day I got home and I, something unlocked inside of me. I sat down in my computer for like five hours and wrote my entire website. It was like, yeah, it was just crazy. I just got up for like a cup of tea. I remember like in between. Wow.

Kepo: 16:39

Yeah.

Sami: 16:40

Yeah. Wow. So I think there's a lot of things inside of us, like getting real with ourselves, like really being honest with ourselves and

Kepo: 16:48

mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Sami: 16:49

Getting these layers of identities of, of who we think we're supposed to be, of what society expects of us. Like, it's, it's challenging, you know? Yeah. And, and I think, I think the support systems we were talking about before is community is one thing, right? And like these friendships and people on the same journey, but it's also like. A coach or like a therapist? Yes. Somebody that's gonna help you with like the tough stuff too, you know?

Kepo: 17:13

Oh my gosh. I'm so glad you mentioned the coach part. Everybody needs a coach. You guys like, yeah. Oh, I, I think I'll riff on this later, but this is all, this also just goes back to the whole values thing, right? Like. You know, some people will not have a problem spending$7,000 on a Chanel purse. Like, I think they, they cost more than that actually. But when you say, oh, it's$6,000 for, I don't know, 12 weeks of coaching, like, oh, you know, like, but you actually need someone. To help someone who is not emotionally attached to your outcomes, to help you point out your blind spots and give you the right prompts to help you to start thinking about things differently. Right. But, um, so something, something that you mentioned, we don't know how to end things and Yeah. For some, for some of us, it, we had to be laid off from a job that we were not happy with or happy at. For us to be like, oh, okay, what do I do now? You know what I mean? Like, so maybe something had to happen to our stocks, you know, and we went to rock bottom or something that we're like, okay, I've been putting all my eggs in this basket. Like, and I knew that I needed to develop multiple streams of income. I knew that I was over hedging myself on this. Now I'm forced to, you know, take action. I'm just giving you all. Other examples that you could probably relate with, right? Like, or maybe it's a relationship that you know is not great for you. We don't, I, you guys, I'm number one. I, I dunno how to end things. I am that girl. That for me, it takes a while for me to be done with you. Right? So there'll be several like, okay, we'll break up and then I'll come back and then we'll come back to each other again. We'll break or come back to each other again. And then finally it's like, okay, something happens that just. I don't know, kind of like the switch that you had, almost like a release or something. Someone released you. I released myself and I'm like, all right, I'm done. But you're right. Yeah. We're not great finishers we're we're not good at. And I think here's where a lot of our

Sami: 19:25

fears come up as well, like yeah, when you were, I was hearing, I was thinking about, like, for example, I have a huge people. Don't think so because of my personality, how it Yeah. Appears outwardly. But yeah, I've had a huge people pleasing issue and a huge of disappointing others. So like rejecting others and disappointing others has, and people pleasing has made it difficult for me to just be like, no, or I don't know, or not right now. And somebody said it to me yesterday, you know, this whole thing. Like, if it's not, if it's not a, if it's not a fuck yes, it's a no. Yeah. Yeah. I'm still so like, well, I dunno. Maybe like, let's leave it open. It's also, I like exploring and then, you know, but yeah. And then, and then the other fears though I was thinking is like the fear of failure, right? Mm-hmm. Sometimes we hold onto things, we're like, no, well, like what it's gonna mean about you. Yeah. If that thing ends, like for example, with relationships.

Kepo: 20:22

Okay, so this is a great segue to talking about fears, right? And as an excerpt from your book, the Inner Camino Towards the Soul. I will put it up. You guys can see it. You can get it on on Amazon. It says, living in a fierce state keeps us stuck. Our nervous system on alert, seeing the world as a threat, we must defend ourselves from, from this place of lack. The pursuit is endless and futile because nothing is ever enough and is literally what you just said where like. No, I'm just gonna keep that option open. Or I, you know, I don't know how to end this particular thing, but I don't want to put words in your mouth. I want to hear from you and I want the listeners to hear from you what I just read about, you know, fear and keeping us stuck. Like, can you go into more depth about that in with, with regards to never feeling ready. But doing it anyways, like what are the, what are the fears? You talked about the fear of not pleasing people, the fear of failure. I think you mentioned that already. Fear of

Sami: 21:35

failure, fear of disappointing.

Kepo: 21:37

Mm-hmm.

Sami: 21:38

And I think, you know, this part of the book, it alludes to, I think it's like a, this void that we have inside. And I think it's about this. At the beginning of the conversation where the only ways we were taught to like fill ourselves is with external things. And so, right. What happens is we're like accumulating and, and, and again, what is driving us fear, fear of lack. So we try to accumulate money,

Kepo: 22:06

you know,

Sami: 22:07

fear of being alone. So we just try to keep company no matter what the, the quality of the company is. Um, fear of failure. So we just try to mm-hmm. Like. Have these outwardly appearing successes, whether it's a job title or, you know, followers or whatever that is, again, externally oriented. And then in this pursuit for external, you know, it's like the KPIs are are external.

Kepo: 22:33

Mm-hmm. There's

Sami: 22:35

some, there's something inside. Like, there's a, you know, there's an essence, there's a, your heart, there's your soul, there's something else. That needs nurturance and it, it, the nurturing that part is never going to fill up with external things. And so this is where the gaze and the paradigm shifts, you know, from being such an outwardly oriented world. I'm not saying we don't need any of those things or that those things suck, right, or that they're not necessary. I'm saying we need to find a balance of the external and the internal where we learn to. Look inwards and find like in this present moment

Kepo: 23:15

mm-hmm.

Sami: 23:15

This feeling of. Perfection, like fullness. Mm-hmm. Like I have everything I need right now, and I've had the different moments, but last year was this specific moment. I always, I tried to move to Mexico, it didn't work. I mean, I moved, yeah. It was not my place, but. I, I sometimes have this like little lingering anxiety when I mm-hmm. Because I have so many ideas and I, you know, have these three kind of entrepreneurial projects and I wanna do so much. And so, but there's this part of me where last year I just said, I was like, Samantha, if you are not happy in this moment, you will never be. Because I've already achieved so many of the things my past self wanted. Wow. And I'm still having this feeling, you know? So it's not about the, it's not about the thing or the website or the, when I get the thing or when it's not about that. It's not about it. It's not about the apartment. It's not, it's not about the partner. Like it is just not about that. And so I learned, again, over and over again to anchor myself. And when I'm getting into this outwardly anxiety, I'm like, okay, reel it back in.

Kepo: 24:28

Mm-hmm. Right. And

Sami: 24:29

my morning, my morning routine, for example, where I, I I move dance and meditate. That is my anchor. Especially because I, I start the mornings and like this accelerated like, woo. Like, and I'm like, whoa, whoa. The morning starts anchoring, not doing. It starts with being right, and that's kind of the base of all the people who preach, manifesting and attracting and being magnetic and, and allowing and receiving. It's, it's training your nervous system to be in a state of like. I have everything I need and every single day I feel like the luckiest person alive. And I'm like, if nothing happens today, I love my life. I love who I am. I love my community. I like, I am in joy. And so, right, that's what that means. It's, it's learning this, you know, that. Feeling within your soul.

Kepo: 25:29

Hey, quick break. I want to invite you to something powerful. If you're a high achieving professional who feels burnt out, stuck, or like you've checked all the boxes, but still feel unfulfilled, I've been there. That's why I offer free strategy sessions to help you reconnect with purpose and get clear on your next bold move. I would love to support you. Just hit the link in the description to book your call now back to the episode. Wow. That. Is powerful. You guys. I don't know about you, but I am enjoying this conversation because as Sammy as you were talking, I just, I realized that wow, like you, you're talking to me as well, right? It's, it's from that place. Of gratitude is from that place of just being present, right? Whatever is going on in our lives, there's always something that we can be grateful for. The fact that you get to be grateful means you're alive, so that's already something to be grateful for, that you're alive, and the fact that you're

Sami: 26:30

anxious also

Kepo: 26:31

means you're alive. That's true. That's true. It means that there is some, something is calling at you, right? And maybe you're just not in living Inc. Congruent with that thing, but something is calling at you. So. It sounds to me, and this, this is what I'm hearing, Sammy, all our fears, it sounds like it comes from this place of like, maybe we just, we're not anchored in the right place. Right? We're not anchored in the moment. We are, you know, scattered all over the place trying to do, do, do, when we just actually need to be first and be happy first. From that happy place is where we can now understand. Okay. Kind of what you were talking about earlier, like what is true for me today? What am I, what attracts me? What do I love? What gives me energy versus what SAPs my energy? If we are not. In that space where we even get content and be grateful first in that moment and just coming back to ourselves is very hard to move past any kind of fear. It is very hard to get any kind of clarity that we're talking about. That's, at least that's what I'm, I'm getting from, from this and that's what I agree. Can I add a couple of nuances

Sami: 27:51

here?

Kepo: 27:52

Yeah.

Sami: 27:52

Just so one, one thing, and I think I, I just wanna make sure nobody thinks that like. If you're not able to bring yourself to, you know, a place of like gratitude, then you, you failed at like, whatever. And I wanna say, it doesn't mean that from that place or feeling grateful, it doesn't mean you're not scared.'cause I wanna say like fear. Our, our, the goal is never to make fear go away. Like fear is a yes, basic, core human emotion. And if you don't have fear, like you are a psychopath. Right, like fear is a, is an emotion that is in place and it helps us, it helps to protect us and to keep us safe. And the thing is, we just need to, it's about creating a relationship with that fear and it's about like, okay, like what am I scared of and does this make sense or does it not? You know, because sometimes we, we, the thing is our amygdala, which is where we feel fear, like right at the center, it's like the oldest part of the brain when Yeah, that gets fired up. Sometimes the firing up is not proportionate to the actual threat. Like, for example, speaking in public, like you're not gonna die. But there's all these old things like humiliation and then not belonging, and then you're gonna get cast out from like the tribe, and then you're gonna be alone. You're gonna die. Like, yes. There's a lot of that lingering in the amygdala. Yeah. And so we gotta be like, we gotta be like, okay, hold on a second. What's the worst case scenario here? Really? Right. Um, yeah, but it does feel like we're gonna die sometimes when these fear comes up, and so mm-hmm. I think, and I think a key word I wanna throw in that I think is essential for this whole conversation and for everything you're doing, KIPP, was like, is courage. Because courage, which is a quality that we can learn to cultivate, is not about not, it's not about being fearless. I don't like the word fearless. You know, it's, right. It's about. Feeling the fear and doing it anyway. It's about like, like I have a relationship with myself where when I'm scared of something, I know I have to step towards it. Absolutely. Because I promised myself, I would never consciously at least like, like kind of turn away from my fear and be like, no, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go the Safeway. But this is, this is, um. Commitment to one of my values, you know? Right. And it's getting outta your comfort zone where mm-hmm. Which is where growth lies, you know?

Kepo: 30:10

Yeah. I wanna make this super tangible and practical for people listening or watching if you're on YouTube. So when we, we've talked about many different concepts, but, and you've worked with a lot of people, right. When you talk about values,'cause you mentioned one of, one of your values now, which is. When you're afraid of something like basically developing courage, courage and building your courage, right. Can you give us examples if maybe like three to five examples of what you think, like when people, when you say values, what are those examples?'cause people are like, oh, you know, it's very easy when we hear something over and over again. Values. I was like, oh yeah. Values or like goals. Oh, please. You know, but like. So give people more specific ideas of this is what we mean by values. Yeah. Can you share like three to five?

Sami: 31:05

Yeah. Yeah. And I think, look, values are, are words essentially, right? But, but it's not just about the word. For example, like a value can be love. I'll never forget I did this, I did the values, my values course in a college in Australia and mm-hmm the, the teacher also did it like the he, I was like a guest speaker, and so the teacher also did it, and then his number one value on this list, after we went through a list of 250 words and this whole process to get to like your top five, I couldn't believe it because it was so different than mine and I didn't actually think anyone in life would ever have that as a number one value. Right. And it was order. Order. Order was his number one value in life, and I was like, wow. I did it with another. Like some family, and I always remember this other, um, guy, he, his number one value was perfection. But what's interesting here, yeah, what's interesting here though is that it's not about the word. Mm. It is about what the word means to you. So you the the work, right? The work, for example, and this course is on, on my website, so you can actually do it if anyone wants to do your values, right? Right. Yeah. You like, you go through, you get your words, but then you, you ask yourself, and this is part of the clarity. Yeah, what does this mean to me and what does this value look like in action? You know? Mm-hmm. Like if, if you have a, for example, some of my top values, the thing is like, it's funny because I'm about to redo my values 'cause I feel like they've shifted a little bit. But my values, you know, used to be, um, love spirituality.

Kepo: 32:43

Mm-hmm. Um,

Sami: 32:45

communication.

Kepo: 32:45

Mm-hmm. And

Sami: 32:46

right. So, and then those are again, just worth. But I know what they mean. Free freedom is one of my top number one values.

Kepo: 32:53

I was gonna say, I was gonna share my own later. Like my top value is freedom. Woo. We can riff on that one later. But yeah, go

Sami: 33:03

next podcast. Yeah, just to give an example, right? Like if you're living a life against your own values, like if you're living a life where you feel trapped and one of your top values is freedom, like what's gonna happen, you're not gonna feel fulfilled, right? You're gonna, you're gonna feel in misalignment, you're gonna start feeling the anxiety. Yeah. And, and shedding light on the values should be like, oh, that makes sense. Like what I'm doing, my actions. And what I say is important to me. To me, yeah. Are actually not matching up. Yeah. And that's not getting honest with yourself, right?

Kepo: 33:36

Yeah. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Okay. This, this topic on values, like you said, is a whole other podcast because I'm about to go off tangent you guys, but I will not do that to you. We will stay on topic. We'll stay on topic about what it is. That about this whole not feeling ready, why it's not a bad thing, like Sammy talked about the fact that these fears that are hovering around us and are, and are so loud, they're not bad. They have a function, it's just that sometimes they are overemphasized or we don't know how to channel it, right? So in some of your write-ups that I've, at least I've read, you talk about unapologetic activation and I just, I love those two words together. I'm really towards, which is shedding conditioning to step into your real power. So we've talked a lot about how it. Feels when you're not living in congruent with what you value or when you know that there is more the life of quiet misery, can you describe like how would someone know that, okay, I am stepping into my real power now. This is what it feels like.

Sami: 34:50

Well, that's a feeling, right? That like you start to tap into. Yeah. You know, and, and it's, and you know, I think it's with unapologetic activation, it's interesting because. You know, they say your gifts and your wounds are intertwined. Right. And so I have struggled my entire life with shame and, and we live in a paradigm of shame, right? Where companies and everyone profits on like, you not feeling good enough and like keeping you hooked, right? Yeah. And keeping you low. Like if, if not empowerment and elevating us and making us all be. Self-aware that would be part of the world and it's not. Yeah. Um, being healthy, being aligned. Being empowered, it's like you gotta go against the current. Yeah. And so I've, I've had this work really deep within myself and, and really look like meeting these deep wounds within myself of unworthiness. Mm. Like, and, and of feeling like I am, I'm not lovable. Or somehow like shame is like this voice that makes you feel that something is wrong with you. Like everyone else kind of figured it out, but like, yeah, there's like something defected about you, you know? There's like a Yeah, yeah. You, yeah. And, and it's not real.'cause everyone thinks that about themself, right? It's, yeah. It's just these deep wounds we carry and the unapologetic activation is about. Like rewiring that and, and like tapping into that thing you're saying and be like, wait, what? It's like awakening this, this like inner power inside of you. Right. And it's scary. Like some people are like, what, what? Wait. You know, because when, when you awaken this, this, this power, it's like you need to change your life. Right? Like that inner voice becomes a

Kepo: 36:42

necessity. Yeah.

Sami: 36:43

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so it's like, I don't need the unapologetic activation is realizing, wait, wait. I don't owe anybody anything. Zero. I don't need to explain myself. I don't need to be like, you know, for example, a thing, classic thing, and we work in my program that I've also worked on, right? It's like, Hey, do you wanna come, do you wanna do this tonight or do you wanna go to the sink? No, sorry. It's just that I have to do this and that, and it's like, I'm so busy, I'm travel tomorrow. It's like, what the fuck? Like what, where did, like, where did we learn, you know, to over justify. Yeah. And this is where the people pleasing the fear of disappointment and mm-hmm. Our identity revolving around giving and other people's needs and other people's emotions. Right. Being unapologetic. Think of us. Yes. And being unapologetic about. What you need, what you desire doesn't mean at the expense of others. It just means this becomes the sun and everything else revolves around it. Instead of like you being, you know, the moon revolving around other people's orbits. Yeah. Yeah. It's about you becoming the center of like your own, your own orbit.

Kepo: 37:53

Mm-hmm.

Sami: 37:54

And it's, it's tough. But I think as women, we are, we starting every time a woman discovers her power, I think she unconsciously, if she's really aligned, becomes an agent to reconnect other women with their power. And so when people say no to me, I'm like, awesome, you great. Like if you are saying no to me, it means you're saying yes to you and you know, and you know yourself and you know, and if it hurts me or I'm like, oh shit, or I'm disappointed, I'll deal with it. Yeah. Like, don't modify yourself and, and try to protect me 'cause I got me. And, and if it's true, you know?

Kepo: 38:28

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And whatever you try to do, when you try to move past your fears and step into your real self and take on that project or whatever it is that is on your heart to do, it's going to feel like that, it's going to feel like. Oh my gosh. Like, is it okay? Yes, it is. Okay. There's gonna be a lot of nos that you have to say to people, and there's going to be a lot of discovering that, oh, this thing that I thought was so important, this person that I thought was so important to be there for their, I don't know, graduation birthday or whatever. It's like it's not even, it's not even a big deal. I and what my message is to this world, who I am, who I'm trying to be is important, and I need to take care of me first. Right. In order to actually be there for other people. It's, I need to, um, I'm, I'm, I'm just explaining what I think I'm hearing from you, right. Which is I need to first realign with who I am. I need to first be true to myself and be okay with the fact that it might mean not. It might mean saying no to other people, and that's fine because like you said, when you say no to other people, you're saying yes to yourself. And for a lot of us, we have to say A, there are a lot of yeses. That, uh, like a backlog of yeses that we should say to ourselves. And so for some time it might seem like, wow, like you're being selfish. No, you're not. You're just in a season where you need to learn that it's okay to, and you know what, like you

Sami: 40:19

are being selfish. Yeah. Yeah. And I think it's about reclaiming the word selfish. The word selfish. Exactly.'cause that, that's a huge shadow. And like, I've had moments where people called me selfish and it was like, ah, you know, like, like it was like the wound, you know, selfish. Am I, am I this egocentric? Like, and it's like. We are everything we like, we, we get to be selfish sometimes. We get to be selfless sometimes. Yeah. We get to be masculine. We get to be feminine. Yeah. We get to be like beautiful and light and we get to be like angry and fierce. Like it's not about that's, this is the work I do of the integration of the self. As long as you are running from trying to be something, not trying to be something and trying to be something else, you're running from parts of yourself. It's about dropping the judgment. You know?

Kepo: 41:06

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because this

Sami: 41:08

is like the hardest part. Yeah. And, and, and it's gonna, it's gonna require people getting annoyed at you. People be calling you selfish, like calling you names. It's about you posting on Instagram and maybe you have some ridiculous haters. You know what I mean? Like Yeah. And it's you understanding that like you have an inner anchor and an outer anchor. Yeah. Where you remember who you are. So that those things that they might hurt, you know, but it's like the bamboo, it will sway you a little bit, but like you, you have, you have the roots and the anchor.

Kepo: 41:38

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Awesome. Amazing. Amazing. Oh my goodness. We can look at the time. We can keep going on and on and on. I've really enjoyed this. I think that. As you were talking and you, you talked about how you, you know, you dealt with shame and all of that. Like, I think I have a similar story. Like for me it's, how do I describe my own? I, I just go through this bout I've went, I've gone through this bout sometimes where I just feel like, oh, like me, I don't have friends. Like nobody loves me. Like I tell myself all these things and then I attach it to, oh, it's because I'm not doing enough for them. And so I'm getting somewhere, and so someone calls me like, oh, I need help with this. Or Hey, I've been looking for this, and then I take on their project as my project. Meanwhile, my other things are there just in the background not getting done right. I can relate and then I'm like, wait, no. And then I went through this process where I had to do that inner our work as well. Like just be honest with myself, like what is it that you really want and what is it that is really holding you back and. Hour by hour, look at how you spend your day versus what you say you really want to do. Like why are you working two hours on this person's ask when I know you work like 15 minutes on your own and you're done. Is that whole like, so I had to just switch like, like you mentioned earlier, the metrics, how I'm measuring my worthiness, how I'm measuring, um. The number of people who love me and it's, it's all lies. Of course, I have people who love me. I do have friends, and they love me back, and it's not necessarily because, oh, kep on helping me with this project. They just love me for who I am, and that freed me to now, finally. Step into, you know, okay, this is my own project, this is my own priorities. I'll get to your ask later. So I switched it from, now I'm spending two hours on my own stuff and my phone is on d and d. You can't reach me. And then when I'm done. That we can talk about your own stuff. Like I cannot make your own personal agenda, my own, you know, priority. You know, girl, I feel

Sami: 44:12

you so much, and I've been doing the same. And it's like, it's like, what? And it's like amazing. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's, it's hard. It's hard. So, and can I add something here? I think there's a fear we don't talk about very often, but it's like when you actually show up for yourself.

Kepo: 44:31

Mm-hmm.

Sami: 44:32

Instead of procrastinating, there is like a, you don't have an excuse anymore. And so this is scary because it's like if you're actually showing up and putting in the love and the time and the energy and it doesn't work, like can we be okay with that? Yeah. Like and this is, this is where in, especially in entrepreneurship.

Kepo: 44:56

Mm.

Sami: 44:56

If you do not make peace with failure, and you do not drill that mindset into you that it's about testing and testing and trying and pivoting and failing forward, mm-hmm. It's just too hard to be an entrepreneur, being a perfectionist and an entrepreneur, just like, don't go,

Kepo: 45:13

you know? No, they don't go. Not only entrepreneurs, right. Even if you're trying to be a, an A star or your nine to five job, like you'll make mistakes at like, it's, it's all right. And Sammy, the things you were saying just now is almost like you listen to. The last, um, few episodes that I just batch recorded. But you guys, she did not listen. You know why? Because I haven't even published anything as of today. Like, she doesn't even know that whole feel forward. Oh my gosh, I love it. I love it when things just align like this. So if you haven't listened to those other episodes, go back and then. You'll understand everything that Sam is saying here. Okay, Sammy, we can go on and on, but at some point we need to bring this thing home. Yeah. We've talked a lot about the, for example, we talked about the first thing that they need to do. Right? Which is, you know, their values. Right? If you wanted to share, I mean, I saw something about waking up the soul, you know, in your, in one of the things that you wrote, I think maybe it was your website. I don't know where I saw it, but. Something about waking up the soul, and I love that part of it. If you were to leave us with like three things that we can do or be to finally wake up the soul and just do it, whatever it is for you, we, what would those three things be? No pressure. You know, we don't know, so we don't know whether it's right or wrong. Just whatever you, you've worked with a lot of people is just whatever you think are the,

Sami: 46:52

okay. What three things do you want to leave us with? I think number one is, we kind of touched on it, but number one would be start to have a relationship with yourself with an inner voice.

Kepo: 47:04

Mm.

Sami: 47:04

So start to talk to yourself, whether it's through journaling, right? But like, you know, even when you were talking about these beliefs, these thoughts, when we start to develop our. Awareness our observer mind.

Kepo: 47:18

Yeah.

Sami: 47:18

Instead of believing what we think, we're like, oh, I'm thinking this. Right. Oh, look at this. I, I, I feel like nobody loves me. You know? Mm-hmm. I don't have to believe it. Right. But I'm like, wow. So start to like observing and develop an external, like, like an observer relationship with yourself. I think that's a first thing. A second one I would say is. Start any form of practice that brings you into the present moment.

Kepo: 47:44

Mm-hmm.

Sami: 47:45

Okay. So it doesn't, it doesn't have to be meditation, although meditation is an amazing one, right? Um, it can be, but, but not like watching tv obviously, like something that gets you to be present and back into like your body. It just in case, you know. Yeah. Uh, it, it could be something like even eating very mindfully, but just something that allows you to be present with yourself. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And the third one? Mm mm And I think the third one is also, I would say compassion. I Compassion is for me, a, the discovery of my life because it is the. Foundation of self-love.

Kepo: 48:38

Right. And of

Sami: 48:38

self-acceptance.

Kepo: 48:41

Mm.

Sami: 48:41

Because compassion is not about pity. It's about like being able to be with everything that is happening and, yeah. Yeah. And like being with your fear, being with your anxiety, being just allowing it all to be, instead of trying to like always like change ourselves and wanting, like that's the shadow side of growth, right? Always wanting to be different, right?

Kepo: 49:00

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Those three things. That's beautiful. I hope you guys caught that When she talked about compassion, she wasn't even talking about having compassion on others. I think to some extent we can say that, oh, we all feel compassion towards people who are dying or sick. She's talking about having compassion with yourself, right? And I am guilty of this. Like you, you, we always hear the whole. We're the, we're our worst. We own worst critics. And if there is a worst critic, I am worse than the worst critic of myself. Like, you know, I sometimes I tend to not have compassion on myself. Like I, I, I hear my own thoughts and I judge myself and I'm like, you didn't do that. Well, you know, you're so, you know, I just come up with all these adjectives. But it's, it's learning to have that compassion on ourselves, and that's. I think I, I love that. That's, that's just, that's beautiful. That's beautiful. You guys, I know you want, you want more of Sammy? I do. So tell us, Sammy, if anyone wants to work with you, where would you direct them to? Like how does that work? Yeah. The main website is the self club.

Sami: 50:17

Okay. Yeah. Okay. And, uh, on the Self Do Academy, there's also the courses, but, um, yeah. Um, there, and then if you just Google my name, you know, you can find my website on samantha saki.com. Mm-hmm. And on Instagram, Sam Saki. So there are all the things we're gonna start activating so much this, these next few months. So I'm, I'm excited. Awesome. And we're launching Unapologetic for late this year, the four month payment program. Oh, okay. So well September.

Kepo: 50:43

Awesome. Awesome. Well thank you so much, ke. Of course, of course. If so, like you, I, if anything like me, I'll probably follow up on some of the links there and I'll put them up for you guys. If you want a little more of this, then you can definitely binge on Sam's content and maybe we'll sign up for. One of her events or programs. All right. Thank you so much, Sammy. Uh, this was wonderful. I hope to see you all on the next episode. Thanks for tuning in to grow with Ke. If this episode's. Sparked something for you, subscribe, share it with a friend, and keep growing.