Redefining Who You Are: The Key to Lasting Change | Grow With Kepo Ep. 6

In this episode, Kepo tackles one of the most overlooked reasons your habits aren’t sticking: your identity is out of alignment. 

You’re trying to change your life with hustle and effort, but nothing is clicking. Why? Because the version of you doing the work is not the version of you who gets the results.

In this raw and powerful solo episode, Kepo takes you deep into the core of lasting transformation. Who do you believe you are? From job titles to possessions, from talent to motherhood, most of us build our identities on things that can be taken away. And when life shifts, we fall apart. But there is another way.

This episode is your wake-up call to redefine who you are and anchor your identity to something unshakable. Once you know who you are, everything else, habits, goals, progress, flows from there.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Your identity cannot be tied to things that can perish, change, or be lost
• If your self-worth is based on work, status, or relationships, it will crumble under pressure
• Anchor your identity to something solid, constant, and unshakeable
• Redefining your identity changes how you show up, even in the face of failure or setbacks
• Real progress starts when your habits are fueled by your true identity, not just willpower
• You get to choose your identity. Just make sure it can withstand anything life throws at you

BEST MOMENTS

00:00. “Who are you without your accolades, job titles, or physical appearance?”
04:57. “If you can’t define who you are without your job or possessions, everything else you’re building is on shaky ground”
10:36. “You lose your job and now you lose yourself? That’s not identity. That’s dependency”
13:49. “You get to be a mom. But that’s not who you are at your core”
16:32. “Place your identity on something unshakable. I draw mine from the One who created me”
18:43. “I had to redefine my identity from a pretty face to something deeper”
22:08. “Now I can apply habit tools because they’re tied to my purpose, not just mechanics”
23:29. “Make sure your identity is built on something that can withstand anything life throws at you”

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Transcript

0:00

Who are you? Without your accolades. Without your promotions. Without your job titles. Without your job experience. Without the businesses you've built or planned to build, without all these other life experiences you have. Can you describe who you are without any of that? Without your physical attributes? Can you? Here is something you need to hear. You're not lazy. You're just misaligned. I'm careful. I help high performers get unstuck by taking bold, aligned action. And this is grow with Keppel, where we speak with influential trailblazers who've made their mark and found the clarity that changed their lives. This is where we get clear, realign, and move toward a life that actually feels like yours. Welcome to the show. Hello, everybody. Welcome back to the show. On the last episode, if you didn't catch that, I highly encourage you to go watch that because this episode is basically going even deeper or further however you want to put it. Last episode, I talked about the reason why you are not able to build those habits that you're dying to build. And you've tried so hard for years and I linked it to your identity. But today I want to go even deeper into identity, because I believe that identity is a very important foundation for anything we want to do in life, or for any kind of person we want to be in life. Identity is basically what dictates everything we do, how we think of ourselves, how we see ourselves. The lens through which we see people. The lens through which we approach anything that we do in life. That identity is key. And yet different levels of identity. There is the deepest level, which is something that is connected to your spirit. And then there is the when you roll it up a couple of layers up to the surface. There is also identity that comes with, you know, what beliefs, what values, what tenets you agree with or that you conform to. So let me start with this. I'm going to start and I'm going to talk about the different ways things that people draw their identity from. And the problem with that. One thing to know before I even go into that is there are only so many great sources of identity, right? And that is way is not identity. It is identity. It is one. At the end of the day, when you boil it down, it comes down to just one. I was having a conversation with a friend the other day, and I was telling him how my coach. Yes, I have a coach and you should get one too. And I'm a coach too. Imagine that. Everybody needs a coach. Back to the conversation. So I was telling him how I felt when my coach asked me, do you know who you are? And he was like, well, at that he kind of brushed off. Like, that's kind of like asking, what is life? You know, it's so nebulous and you know, almost fluffy. Right? What is life? And I said, no, I disagree. At the end of the day, who are you without your accolades, without your promotions, without your job titles, without your job experiences, without the businesses you've built or planned to build, without all these other life experiences you have? Can you describe who you are without any of that? Without your physical attributes? Can you? I mean, if you can, they are already on to something. But stick with me. A lot of times we get our identity from fleeting things, things that are likely to change. Some things I know, even in our own power, we draw our identity from that. I know, for example, the culture in North America. Yeah. Calling it out is a very big part of the culture is people draw their identity from their work, from the job they do, and how much of it they do, how much they grind. Oh, I'm an I banker. I put 100 hours of work in a week. I don't understand why that's. That is something to be proud of. But to each his own. For who are you? Without that job? Who are you without your worldly possessions? Can you define that? Because if you can't even define that, everything else you are trying to build is not standing on solid ground. That identity is shaky can change at any moment. Based on your win, this on how you are feeling that day, based on what someone said to you and how it made you feel. Hey! Quick break! I want to invite you to something powerful. If you're a high achieving professional who feels burnt out stock, or like you've checked all the boxes but still feel unfulfilled. I've been there. That's why I offer free strategy sessions to help you reconnect with purpose and get clear on your next bold move. I'd love to support you. Just hit the link in the description to book your call. Now back to the episode. Some other things are. People build a identity from other things they own. A lot of times, you know, sometimes when you really think about it, you know, maybe sometimes when you buy, maybe, let's say, if that's our brand in the clothing or shoes. Ask yourself, would I buy this brand? Would I spend all this money on this jacket, on this pair of shoes, this belt, this shirt? This summer set? Would I spend that much if I were living in a place where no one knew me? And I'm totally anonymous? The answer to that would tell you. Why are you actually buying that? Even more, it will tell you where you're drawing your identity from. For some of us, for some people, how they dress, the brands they wear is where they draw their identity from. When they think of themselves, they think of themselves as, oh, I'm that person. I'm a fashionista or GQ guy, and I always dress nice, I always look good. I when people see me, my Gucci or whatever it is, my, my lobes, they have a certain level of respect for me and I want them to see me as a person that has money. That's class. Money can buy class, but I'm that conversation for another day. So who has good taste? Money can buy taste either. And then that conversation for another day. But you catch my drift. Some people draw identity from that. But then what happens if they're broke? What happens if, God forbid, we catch them on a day where they're just wearing their regular t shirt from target? What happens if for some reason they travel and their luggage, their baggage didn't arrive? What happens then? You know, baggage is full of all your designer stuff. You're going to dysfunction all of a sudden. You can't function because, oh my gosh, my expensive suits make that cute dress. Those Versace shoes or sandals that I really wanted to wear tells me to make a statement and tell them who I am. Listen to the language. Listen to how we talk about and talk to ourselves. Who I am. Those things, those labels. I don't have them with me. So how? How will I be? I'll be stranded. Some people might. Might even skip the entire experience, the whole event together, simply because they're designer outfits that did not arrive with them. And if that's not your advice, think of what yours is. What is the material thing that you are drawing your identity from? Is that enough? And hear me out. I am not telling you to change that if that is what is working for you. If that is what is working for you, continue, please. This is not for you. If drawing your full identity of who you are from your worldly possessions and designer outfits or whatever is working well for you, but for the rest of us, we found out, okay, that doesn't work for us. This is for you. Maybe it's time to change that narrative in our brains and actually look deeper beyond this. Things that can catch fire at any time of which that actually did happen to me. A few weeks ago, I was losing a friend and I was taking. I was warming up food and my shirt, my denim shirt actually caught fire. She had to jump from where she was sitting across the island to the sink to help me rinse it off like crazy. So they can they can burn at any time, literally. Or you can lose them in a flood or they get lost in transit. What then? Who are you then? Then you feel naked. You feel exposed because you are exposed because the thing, the very thing they are using as your cover, when they use it as your shield, your the sign of your house. You know those old world shows where they have each house, each family has their own sign that thing for you is stuff that can just perish any time. How's that working for you? For some people. Okay. I mentioned earlier they draw their identity from work. Let's go deeper into those ones. What happens if you lose your job? Let's say maybe they decide to restructure. They just did that. Where I work there is structure, the Pepsi-Cola team. And because of that, literally, I had a zoom call with one of the people on that team on Wednesday. We chatted on Slack on Thursday, and by Friday morning, our role was made redundant. Not her. The way they just reorganized the organization, that particular function in the organization, they no longer needed that role. If she's drawing her identity from this is who I am. So what happens between then when she's lost a job and when she eventually now finds another one, she's completely lost. So you lose your job. And because you lost your job, you now lose yourself. What happens if work isn't going well? Because no matter what we do in this life, even if your work is your mission and you really enjoy it, there will still be parts of it that you don't like. There will still be some struggle in it, even if it's like 10%. What happens in that 10%? Your identity is shaky. Oh, what happens when you can't work anymore? This happens a lot. You see it a lot in bigger stories, right? Maybe in the life of an athlete, maybe they're on top of their game for years. And all of a sudden they have this injury and they can't play anymore. They can't play pro anymore and they just have to sit back. What then? Now you see them go into depression, go into, you know, they become addicted to drugs or something. And I just completely lose themselves because the very thing that they put their identity on is shaky ground. I'm going to say something. And some people are not going to like this. But I love you too. Some people put their identity on their family, real relationships or their familial titles. What do I mean by that? I'm a mother, especially the moms. I'm a mom, and they completely let every other part of their lives go. They don't think of who they really are because you live for quite a long time. I would like to think you live for quite a long time before you became a mom. Who are you? And when those children grow up, children are not loyal when they grow up. When we grow up, do we want to live our lives? Are you attached? Are you still attached to your mom? Do you. Are you holding that hand every day? No. You're living your life. In fact, sometimes you might call and you're rolling your eyes like, oh, what does she want? Another conversation for another day. For valuing our relationship. Stay a little conversation for another day. Coming out of this. But my point is, when the children grow up and go live their lives, who are you then? Did you even, maybe completely even neglect your relationship with your spouse? Because I'm a mother. Why? It is not on solid ground even that I honor moms. I honor you all. I honor myself as a future mom. I honor my mother. Being a mother is a thankless job. I mean, the sacrifices the mothers make. Clapping and clapping. However, that is not who you are. You get to be a mom. You get to be a dad. You get to be a sister, a daughter. But that is not who you are. That is not your basic, most fundamental identity. Who are you outside of those things? It's time to actually define that. Because if you don't define that and your mom in so hard, whereas you are trying to progress in your career, that is has been stalling for years. Honey, you're not going to make any progress because your mom is so hard and that is where you draw your identity from, so you can't let it go. It's your covering. It's your it's your shield. It's your comfort zone. Until you start seeing yourself as well as that business mogul or whatever it is that you want to be in your career. Your efforts are futile. Sorry. No, sorry. Some people draw their identity from their talent, the things they can do naturally. Let's take Celine Dion, for example. You all know this. Like she has such a beautiful voice. You know what? I do need a roof over there. You all know this. How is it that of all the things that could get her, it was an illness that actually affected her vocal cords. How she could have gotten one blind eye. She could have broken her back. Hey, Cohen, there are many other things that have affected how one true gift. And if you go watch her documentary on it and how she talks about it, how singing is her life. Please you all. I respect Celine Dion. I am not trying to talk her down here. I am simply using this as an example of imagine if you have that kind of voice and you base your entire life, your entire identity around it. Whatever your talent is that you're so good at. And that is how you see yourself. That is how you know yourself. What if something happens to you that threatens that very talent? What then? Who are you? Even in the process of healing, assuming there is a cure for it, you would need to know who you are outside of that. That is why drawing your identity from your talent also doesn't work. Okay, so couple what works. I'll tell you what I draw my identity from. I draw my identity from the one who created me. To me, that is solid ground for you. That can mean something else. But find something that is unshakable, indestructible and unquestionable. Place your identity on that. I am a daughter of the Most High King. I am the daughter of the Most High God. And that is how I see myself. That is where I draw my identity from. My God never sleeps. His eternal will never die. It's always there. Constant. I have his breath. And because of that, everything else is possible. So if I lose my job, no, my life doesn't go upside down. And I have lost my job at least two times. I know that feeling when I call you into the room air and they act all weird, and then they walk you out of the building immediately, as if the FBI came and you're the criminal or something the most wanted. My identity was intact. Okay? It was intact. And if for some reason I cannot dress or look the part or whatever, I'm still fine because I know who I am. And it has taken years and years and years to work on that. You all. Last year I had my God, just went crazy. I guess it was pent up from years. I just have this recurring issue in my gut that comes out as acne on my face. My body doesn't like it when I eat too much processed foods, and I'm very happy that my own body gives me that kind of feedback in real time, as opposed to some people that eat junk for a long time in their lives, and then they don't find out onto that. Diagnosed with something real, something terrible, like diabetes or high blood pressure or whatever. My own body gives me feedback immediately. Like, since no one are doing this. And for me, acne and I had to redefine my identity. It was hard. It was hard times. And people will invite me to stuff and I was going to see my face. Everyone's going to see it. And if you're watching on video right now, I'm putting up a picture of how my face looked just this time last year. It was bad, and I had to redefine my identity from a pretty face. And I look fresh to okay. I need to remember who I am. I'm not saying all this. It's not easy, y'all. It's something. Some of this is so ingrained. We so ingrained ourselves in it that it's is so hard to shake off. And it takes some kind of life event in my situation. It took some who are going to attack your face. Now then, who are you? We used to show up the same way you show up when your skin is flawless or not. Really. Think about it. What is it for you that you can draw your identity from? And then from there. That is when you now start to define the other things. Let me use myself as an example. I've told you where I draw my identity from, and as a result of that, there's a certain standard that comes with that kind of identity. I am the daughter of the one who created the entire universe. The one whose air sustains me, sustains life. And I have my own unique design. He made me uniquely. There is no other person like me. There's no other person like you. And there will never, ever be any other person like me or like you. They'll ever walk the face of this earth. That's got to mean something. It has got to mean that I am not just here by chance. I'm here first of all. Everybody raise your hand if you are here to enjoy this life. The purpose of life is living. Okay, let's. Let's not get it mixed up within that, though. My full expression of life. What does that look like for me? Part of it is what I'm doing right now. Talking to you on this podcast, helping you to redefine what identity really means and where you draw it from. That is part of my own assigned. What is yours? And where did you get that from? Right. And then from there, if I now want to build up a habit of even this podcast, I need to put out recordings periodically. Right. And the best way to do it is to sit down, plan planning time to sit down and batch record. But before I do that, I need to also form the habit of setting up the day before or the morning before. If I plan on doing it in the evening or afternoon, and I need to get in the habit. So now I know I can now read Atomic Habits. Power habits, the Slight edge, all of these things. All of these books. Because now. Okay, now I can apply it. Right now I can apply the get 1% better every day. The production team that I'm working with at the moment, a podcast geek. They are giving me tips how to make this show better for you so that it can come to you when you need it, and how you need it. And they're all about helping me get 1% better all the time. But now I can apply that because now it's not just tied to, oh, I'm just the mechanics of a podcast is tied to something way deeper is basically tied to the theme that basically sustains me. It's a whole different fuel. It's a whole different place that you come from when you now try to build out habits, whatever the habit is. I have a habits that I'm trying to work on. No. No one. So roll. What is a work in progress while only a work in progress? I'm not saying I have all my habits down. No, but I know that the ones I have been able to sustain, the one I've been able to build. They are the ones that are tied to my identity and the right identity for that matter. And wherever I am not performing excellently or being effective, then I know that I need to raise my standard in that area. If you don't know what I mean by raising your standards or changing the temperature of my thermostat, go back to the last episode and listen to that one. I hope this helped you all today. I look forward to talking to you on the next episode. So at the end of the day, the point is you choose where you're drawing your identity from, but make certain that it is coming from something that is solid and can stand. Withstand whatever life throws at you, no matter what it is, it can withstand it. I'm not going to tell you what you need to draw your identity from. I've shared mine and why it works for me. Now go get yours. But my. Oh my. It is time to change that identity. If all the other ways of getting your identity, if they are not working for you. Now be the time to change. Because everything else you are trying to do is going to flow from there. Thank you all for watching. If you are on YouTube and thanks for listening. If you are an audio and I hope to see you next time, next episode. Thanks for tuning in to grow with Keppel. If this episode sparked something for you. Subscribe. Share it with a friend and keep growing. Your.