How Badly Do You Want the Life You Say You Want? | Grow With Kepo Ep. 7

How Badly Do You Want the Life You Say You Want?

In this solo episode of Grow With Kepo, Kepo gets real about the silent killers of progress: excuses, self-sabotage, and procrastination. With wisdom rooted in personal experience and bold questions that cut to the core, Kepo challenges high-achievers to ask themselves the truth. Do you want it badly enough to do what it takes? If you’ve ever felt stuck, burnt out, or like you're circling your purpose without committing, this one’s for you.

Key Moments

• What really stops high performers from taking bold action
• How excuses sound logical but are rooted in fear
• The three types of pain that keep people stuck
• Why we sometimes choose familiar misery over uncertain growth
• How to know when you actually want it badly
• The danger of waiting for a “better time” to start
• How to tie your goals to your deeper “why”
• What it means to raise your standards or let a dream go
• Why sustainable action must be rooted in identity

Best Moments

00:00:55. “Today I'm going to be challenging the purpose behind your dreams and your goals.”
00:04:04. “Maybe you haven't even taken the test. You've already failed yourself.”
00:06:55. “They prefer their current pain to the pain they've imagined they'll go through.”
00:08:05. “What is your motivation? What is going to make you stick to something and finally follow through?”
00:10:48. “It's up to you to bring joy into the joyless things.”
00:13:13. “Sometimes we are so quick to give in and give up. Why? I guess you don't want it that badly.”
00:17:28. “Raise your standards or drop your standards and let that goal go.”
00:20:59. “If this thing is just a frivolous dream, stop torturing yourself and let it go.”

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Transcript

0:00

The next time you hear yourself giving another excuse, especially the excuses, does sound so logical. This sound so good? Or, you know, deep down that the excuse is, you know, deep down that if you want it badly enough, you actually sit up and do what you need to do. This thing is a terrible disease. I call it excuse. This is the problem. Here is something you need to hear. You're not lazy. You're just misaligned. I'm keppel. I help high performers get unstuck by taking. Bold, aligned. Action. And this is grow with Keppel, where we speak with influential trailblazers who've made their mark and found the clarity that changed their lives. This is where we get clear, realign, and move toward a life that actually feels like yours. Welcome to the show. Hello, everybody. Welcome back to the show. Today I'm going to be challenging the purpose behind your dreams and your goals. And I'm going to be asking you a very hard question, which is how bad do you want it? Know for real. How bad do you want it? I'm going to tell you a quick story. So the company I worked at at some point, the way they do their own hiring is through aptitude tests. First, the interview is the final stage, and they don't even look at your resume until it's time for your interview. You've gone through so many different stages. By that time. You do an aptitude test, and they have a certain, mark that they want you to get to before they can even talk to you. Then after that, you do some kind of real work assessment. So basically something that mimics the kind of work that you'll be doing the grade you on, that you might have to do some other skills tests. And then and only then if you pass those stages, that is when you can actually you actually be invited to have an interview. And that is the point where the hiring manager, we were like, okay, let me go look at this person's resume right. Okay, great. The perks of this job was that you're hired as a contractor, so they pay you all your money and you sort out your taxes, right? However, you know you should. And they hire from all over the world. And for the most part, you can actually determine your schedule. You can. You work remotely 100% of the time in this day and age. That is a dream job. And you don't work more than 40 hours a week, right? You work the 40 hours, you get your pay, you work less than 40 hours. You get what you worked for. Simple. So there was a time that when, you know, when I worked there, people would come to work. Okay, well, how do I get. How do I get internet? Thank you. I wish I had someone to talk to when I was trying to get in, but okay, I take it as maybe that is part of why God put me here. Maybe so I can help other people. They're like, oh man, I really like this job. And I told them about all the perks. I also told them about the things I don't like about India. Like, no, no, no, this is awesome. Like, I want to do this. I'm like, okay, let's do it. I'll give you tips. I'll teach you how you can practice for the tests. And that's what I you pass and I noticed something. I noticed that if ten people came to me and said, oh, tell me, tell me, tell me, I really want, I really want this. I'm so sick of my job. Like I have to commute all the time. They don't pay me well. Like, oh my gosh, this is amazing. Oh man, I want to earn this much too. Okay, out of those ten people, maybe two people who actually follow through because by the time I outlined to them, okay, these are the things that you need to do. Basically all the things that I told you earlier, I lose most of them at the very first stage. The aptitude tests, they'll say, oh, some of them don't even try to actually say something like, oh, I'm not a good test taker. Maybe you haven't even taken the test. You've already filled yourself, and some of them will say, okay, I'll do it, I'll do it, but I don't know if I can actually do them. Okay, so you're already starting with indicators, mindset. Okay. Okay. Great. And then for some of them else okay. You know what? I'll, I'll send you links of sample tests that you can use to practice. And these are not quite the sample the tests, but they're very closely mimicking. How did they force you to think? Okay. He asked. And this and this and this and it. Okay. A week later. Hey, how did you get on? Oh, you know, like I've just not really had time blah blah blah. I'm like, okay then yes, there are a handful of some of people that maybe they'll actually do it, but this is kind of like a half attempts. And this area is one I want to quickly drill down into. Sometimes you do these things for people. You try to help them because they come to you. Right? Or maybe you make a referral for them at your company or whatever, and it really suits them. You know, that they do really well, or you know that if they just put their mind to this test and practice, they'll do very well and they will get through. The hardest part. And then they kind of when they do it, when they do, it's it's a half attempt and it's almost like, okay, I know I have been complaining to this person that I want to change this job, that I want to change this particular area of my life. And now they're presenting me an opportunity to do that. So that means that I don't have any excuse. I actually need to do something. And so then they just like, okay, let me just do something so that it won't be like, I, I'm just complaining and I'm not actually doing anything about it. So that's is a peeve of mine. But we'll come back to that one later. But then there's now like the remaining two that finally follow through. So for those other eight people, are you telling me that they are actually happy in their miserable lives where they hate their jobs and they actually want to change it? No, they're not happy, but they don't want it that badly. They prefer their current pain to whatever pain they've imagined they have to go through to get this other job. And that's the thing we change or the thing we take in many kind of massive action or staying focused at some point. If you are someone who is motivated by pain, the pain of where you are needs to become greater than the pain that you associate with getting to where you want to go. For you to finally take action. For some people, they are not motivated by pain. They are motivated by positive outlook. And so they will say, oh my gosh, my life could be x, y, z. Like I can work remote, I can earn this much. And that right there is the motivation. What is your motivation? What is going to make you stick to something and finally follow you through? No matter how tough the going gets, how bad do you want it? Hey quick break! I want to invite. You to something powerful. If you're a high. Achieving professional who feels burnt out, stuck, or like you've checked all the boxes but still feel unfulfilled, I've been there. That's why I offer free strategy sessions. To help you reconnect with purpose and get clear on your next bold move. I'd love to support you. Just hit the link in the description to. Book your call. Now back to the episode. A lot of times when we don't take action and we are stuck, or we act like we don't want it badly enough, it's because of we fear three types of pain loss, pain. You are afraid of what you might lose, the friends you might lose, the time you might lose the money. You might lose. Because you're doing that thing, or in the short term, let's say you have a fun vacation coming up. I have to sacrifice one of those days for an interview or something. I don't know, I'm just making this up. The loss of that day that you've planned these into your head and all of that loss of that. What if you turn it around? Like, what else? What could I actually gain if I did this? What is the positive outcome here? What is the upside of doing this? In the case of those eight people I talked about, if they had changed their minds to oh my goodness, like, what if I actually got this job? What is the upside of this? What do I stand to gain? Oh, a lot, number two process pain. You are thinking about how painful the process of change is going to be. Or in the case of those eight people, the process of studying for those tests are sitting down through those painful tests. You're thinking of that short term thing, and it's all short term thinking. You're not thinking long term. If you're thinking of the long term benefits, then those will far outweigh the short term costs in anything they are going to do in this life. There will be the tough parts. It's up to you to bring joy into the joyless things, and that's what high performance is about. That is what I am about. That is what I hope my clients with, just helping them to stick to it. It's changing that narrative in your head. The process doesn't need to be as it may not even be as painful as you think. But how would you know unless you tried? You could try it and you could bring your own type of fun into it. You could make it easier on yourself. You don't have to do it the way everybody else has been doing it. If there is a better way to do it right, and if it's something that again, when you go back to the very first thing. So thinking about the upside, what could you gain then maybe you might not mind going through that process. After all, the third pain is outcome pain and this one is very popular or very common, I should say. A lot of times people are thinking of what if it all goes wrong? What if I looked stupid in front of everybody? What if I make a fool of myself? What if someone comes and calls me out and basically challenges what I say and they actually have data to prove it? And then I look down. What if I am wrong? What if this all just goes to nothing and it all comes crashing down on me? What if, what if, what if we start catastrophizing our minds? Well, what if you went well? What if you succeeded? What did you learn something about yourself in the process? What, if anything, we want to do? If you're going to be successful, I am going to follow through. It comes down to changing the meaning we attach to things. If you're really serious and you wanted that badly. Then you need to change how you think about what you might gain. What the process would be like and what the outcome could be like. So I'm going to ask you this again. How bad do you want it? Sometimes we are so easy to just drop the sword and not drop the sword, but throwing the towel. We are so quick to give in and give up. Why? I guess you don't want it that badly. Let me give you examples. Oh, my head hurts. You know what? I'm going to rest my head for the rest of the day. I'll pick this back up tomorrow. Please. I really had quite the week. I know I didn't do anything towards that particular goal to advance that big goal of my life, but man, life is for the living. YOLO, man. I'm just going to rest this weekend. Netflix and chill. Let me get a drink and a drink in my system. Ask them to go hang out, let me order takeout, open up Uber Eats up. Let me see where we're hanging out this weekend with with my friends. I'll pick this thing back up next week or next month. Or if it's November, you know what? That'll be my New Year's resolution. You don't want it that badly. In fact, this is how you know that you want something badly. Let's say you change your mind about I want to eat this weight loss one because it's such a common one. Right? Or some kind of health and fitness goal. I yeah, like, you know what? Going forward, I'm going to start taking my workouts more seriously. I'm going to be more consistent with taking walks outside, as do the walks. Everyone can walk well, if you can walk, you can walk. You know what I mean? So I want to start. I can do more steps everyday. Okay. But I'm today's Tuesday. Okay. I'll start. I'll start on Monday. Why? Why not start on Tuesday or latest Wednesday? Maybe because it's Tuesday evening. What's what's wrong with starting immediately? When you want to start immediately, that's when you know that, okay, this change is coming from a place of conviction vessels from a place of just forcing it. You just forcing the issue. You haven't tied it. So why you really want it until how badly you want it. I hope this is making sense for you. Will it make sense to me? Maybe. I'm just talking to myself today. Well, sometimes I have to ask me, how bad do you want it? Or you have cramps or poor you get a hot water bottle, put it on your tummy, maybe change how you're sit in, sit on the couch instead of on this, chair. Get comfortable or keep going. I've not eaten all day. I'm so tired. You know what I'll do tomorrow? How bad do you want it? I'll do it next week. Why? Even for me, when I'm networking with my contacts, like, hey, I'm offering this free strategy session. I'm offering this kind of high performance coaching. I hope for my management consultants or people, professionals that feel burnt out or feel stuck in their current jobs and they don't really know what to do next with themselves. And I help them gain clarity and alignment and make decisions if I keep procrastinating on that, on telling people about that, I'm asking them, hey, do you know anyone who might need this? Do you know anyone who might need this? Or does it sound like you? I'm never going to get any clients. And then at some point I ask myself, okay, how bad do you want it? Maybe you don't want it that badly. Maybe you just want to say, hey, can me? I'm a coach. Don't nobody care. Take action or you don't want you that badly. It's that simple. I said in one of my recent episodes that if you don't want something, if you find that you're not taking action towards that, then raise your standards and take action. And I'm referring to episode five, where I talked about why habits don't stick. Raise your standards or if this fits better to you, drop your standards, lower your standards for yourself, and just accept that. Okay, you know what's in this area? This is the best I can do. I'm not going to slide it anymore. I'm going to go to another area of life and I'm going to pick up a goal there. I'll focus on that one. That's okay. You've been wanting to write a book for 15 years and you've done nothing about it. Maybe it's time to let that dream go. How bad do you want it is. It's tied to who you really are. To your why, to your purpose. It is not tied to that, and it's just tied to something like, oh, I just want to make more money. There's no reason why you want to make more money, of which I need to talk about the whole I want to make more money. You know what? Conversation for another day. There is a reason why. And if you don't know where to start from inserting that reason, why, go to my last episode where I talk about identity. I think that is something that everyone needs to understand why you are doing something and connect it to that. If not, you won't actually get anywhere. I don't care how many habits you stuck. I don't care how many produce you write down. I don't care how many planners you use. Cold plunges, sauna breathing, all of that stuff. If it's not connected to your why, then you're not going to get it done. And then we'll be back here and I'm going to be asking, well, how bad do you want it? Maybe you don't want it badly. I told you at the beginning of this show that I was going to ask this question quite often. So if you're tired of hearing it, that's okay. But have you answered the questions yourself? I wanted this badly. I wanted because and then when you answered that, why do you want that? I want to do this particular line of business because it lights mele. Oh, why do you want to do something that lights you all? Because that is the kind of work I can sustain for a long time. And if I can sustain it for a long time, then it can be my source of income. And then work won't feel like work. Oh, why is that important for you? For what's not feel like work? Well, because in the past I've started and stopped saying. I stopped, and I'm not really excelled at anything. And I'm getting on in life. At some point I need to have a good personal financial portfolio. Well, why is that important to you? Because I don't want to work for the rest of my life. I want to retire. It is sudden. It just passed. I'm already late as it is. I should have started this a long time ago. Oh, okay. Why is it important for you to retire? Because I want to. I want to have time to do other things. Well, yeah. Like what? So that's what I mean by how bad do you want? It's if this thing is just a frivolous dream, stop torturing yourself and let it go. Pick something else that will drive you to action, that will drive you to action even when you don't feel like it's that will drive you to action. Even when everything around you is saying no. But you know you have to keep going. You know that you haven't actually seen me through to the end. I haven't done everything. I love you when people say I've tried everything. Oh, really? Show me the list. Okay. I'm. Yeah. So I spoke to my my sister about it, and then I also read this book. Oh, and that's everything. Are you sure you tried everything? Oh, well, maybe I haven't tried everything. Well, there you go. The next time you feel yourself slacking, the next time you hear yourself giving another excuse. Oh, you know what? I need to quickly expand on the excuse part. Especially the excuses. Does sound so logical. This sound so good. But, you know, dig down at the excuses. You know deep down that if you want it badly enough, you will actually sit up and do what you need to do. Excuses. This this thing is a terrible disease. I call it excuses. This is the problem. So pandemic endemic? Is that what they call it? It is a problem. Excuses you will I, I have to tell my coach and yes I have a coach. My coach has a coach. I believe in coaching because they hope you see your blind spots and they help you operationalize your moments. That's what I do with my clients and I told my coaches I was like, oh. I said, I told her from the beginning, I said, I'm really good at making excuses, like, really good at making excuses. I can't do it. Ted talk on excuses like, I can just race. Are you believe me? High sounding like, oh my gosh, you know what? You deserve to sit down, put your feet up and do nothing because your right. This is tough. You're right. You need a break. You're right. You can pick it up next week. It's nonsense. Yes, I'm telling you, it's nonsense. I am not saying that you shouldn't risk. I am not saying that you shouldn't play. I'm not saying that you shouldn't pace yourself. I do all of those things. In fact, even at the time of recording this, one of the things I'm working on is just learning to space out my days. I tend to pack too much into my days, and I don't give myself enough breaks in between. And what that will do sometimes is by Thursday I'm feeling so tired right? By Friday evening. I'm just saying I'm so spent Saturday morning. Forget it. I have to draw from my reserves to actually get anything done. But I've changed that. But I know that there's still room for improvement right? I need to pace myself. I need to re-energize throughout the day so that I can sustain my energy levels throughout the day and throughout the week. I am not saying don't do any of that. I'm just saying, you know, you know, when you're making excuses. So again, how bad do you want it? I hope you guys enjoyed the show today, I did, I enjoyed producing myself today and I hope to see you on the next one. I'm going to have a guests on the next one and it's going to be fun. I'm really looking forward to that. Thank you for watching and I'll see you in the next one. Bye. Thanks for tuning in to Grow with Keppel. This episode sparked something for you. Subscribe. Share it with a friend and keep growing. Your.