Welcome to Widow Journey

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Hey there and welcome to the Widow Journey . I'm Jamie Ikebuchi , widow , educator , master , certified grief expert and , most importantly , mom to four awesome kids . If this podcast has found its way to you , chances are you're navigating one of life's most challenging chapters and I want you to know you're not alone . I understand the depths of profound loss , the overwhelming feelings and the uncertain road ahead . This podcast is real , honest and sometimes raw . It's where I share insights , proven tools and strategies that have helped me and people just like you to begin to adapt and thrive as they slowly work to reclaim , redesign and rebuild their lives after the loss of their partners . Welcome to Widow Journey , episode 3 , the Power of Possibility . Hey , thanks for joining me today .

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A little update in my world . My son's graduation was great . It's a different experience from my daughter's two years ago . I think I'm getting used to carrying grief and regularly have those moments that catch in my throat and my chest , as Justin is missed every day , but in all honesty , it hits a little different on big milestones . One thing that I've noticed now , four and a half years into my widow journey , is that I've developed really great strategies for dealing with these big days . However , I do tend to get what I refer to as a grief hangover the next day . So I've learned to make space for that . I didn't schedule anything for after his graduation and I kind of gave myself a four-day weekend to rest and process all my feelings . Luckily , it's

Personal Update: Navigating Graduation

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spring , almost summer , and the awesome weather really helps to elevate my mood , so I've been able to get outside . I love doing yard work and planting flowers , and the good weather gives me lots of vitamin D , so I feel okay .

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Anyways , with that , let's get into today's episode . But before we begin today's conversation , I'd like to ask you something personal . How do you feel about the future ? Like , really take a moment , how do you feel about later today , next week or even next year ? No judgment , just notice what comes up .

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When I became widowed , I couldn't imagine a future that felt hopeful . The days felt heavy , like I was swimming through fog . I was grieving the death of my husband and navigating the chaos of all the secondary losses my identity , routines , sense of safety and all the plans we had made . I don't remember the exact moment I started believing that my best days were behind me , but I do remember feeling stuck in that belief , and I know many of you feel this way too . You might feel stuck in life , stuck in negative feelings , stuck in a state of overwhelm , stuck in your job , maybe stuck in negative relationships with family members or work colleagues , stuck in life that was not of your choosing . Or maybe you feel stuck , feeling that life is just passing you by .

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But I want to gently invite you today into something new , small shifts in perspective , a mindset shift that starts with one powerful idea the belief

The Power of Possibility Mindset

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in possibility . So what is possibility ? Possibility doesn't mean certainty . It doesn't mean ignoring your pain or pretending everything's fine . It means opening a small door in your mind that says maybe , just maybe , things could be a little better tomorrow . This shift begins with one of your most powerful tools your brain . As humans , our brains are our biggest asset . They've evolved to allow us to imagine , reflect and solve problems , and they give us the ability to think about our thoughts , which allows us the power to pause , notice and gently question the beliefs we carry , and that means we can choose beliefs that support the life we want to build .

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Let's look at our beliefs . What is a belief ? Well , quite simply , it's our acceptance that a statement is true . One of the things that I've learned from psychologist Martin Seligman , the founder of positive psychology , is that optimism isn't about pretending everything's okay . It's about believing that your thoughts and the actions you take can shape what happens next . Optimistic people aren't blindly positive . They simply believe that change is possible . When you think the same thought repeatedly , it becomes a belief , and beliefs , though powerful , aren't facts .

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Beliefs belong to us and they're not right or wrong or necessarily believed to be true by anyone else . You can change them . This is one of the core principles behind cognitive behavioral therapy . It's important to realize that you can change your mind . Scrap a belief , as they're not permanent or engraved in stone . They are just thoughts that you believe . Think of a belief as a well-worn path in the forest . You've walked it so many times that it feels like it's the only route . However , there's always another trail , maybe overgrown , maybe unclear , but it's there . You can choose to explore it .

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With my widowed clients , I like to get really curious about the things that they believe and challenge their beliefs , because I want them to question their beliefs and weed out those that don't serve them or hold them back in life . I don't decide what beliefs work or don't work for my clients because I don't know . It would be arrogant of me to think that I know what works best for someone else's life , but I do help my clients to get really clear on the beliefs they want to hold on to and those they wish to revise or release . Widowhood brings a storm of thoughts , many of them painful , many of them valid , but not all of them are helpful , and when we repeatedly think or tell ourselves narratives that don't serve us , we close ourselves off to other possibilities

Challenging Limiting Beliefs

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. Common limiting beliefs that I hear from other widowed people are things like I'll never be truly happy again . I'm not capable of handling things on my own . My relationship with fill in the blank will never get better . I should be further along by now . I'm a bad parent now . No one will ever love me again . The list goes on and on . Let's be clear these thoughts make sense and they are totally valid . They are the natural responses to grief . But when we repeat them too often , they become beliefs and those beliefs shape how we see the world .

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I love Henry Ford's quote whether you think you can or you think you can't , you're right . What you think or what you tell yourself is 100% right . Reflect on that for a second . I'll say it again what you think or what you tell yourself is 100% right . Some beliefs result in a fixed or closed mindset that keep you stuck , while other beliefs result in a growth mindset that opens you up to possibility , that opens you up to create and explore and that get you moving in different directions . What if , instead , you gently tried adding today or right now to statements I'm struggling today ? Raising my kids alone is incredibly hard right now , but I'm doing it . This chapter of my life is painful right now . My relationship with so-and-so is challenging right now . My grief is really hard and heavy right now . Today was not my best day as a parent .

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Language matters it really does . Neuroscientist Lisa Feldman Barrett teaches that emotions are not hardwired responses . They're constructed . Our brains interpret circumstances and physical signals like a tight chest lump in your throat and label them based on context and our beliefs . That means the words we choose , internally or out loud , have power . They shape how we understand our experience , how we relate to our pain and what we believe is possible . Think of language like a paintbrush . If you use dark , heavy words , your internal landscape remains stormy . But if you begin to expand your vocabulary to include phrases like right now , today , yet or maybe , and also you add lighter shades . You create room for nuance , more complexity and for hope .

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For example , when I say I always feel like this , I trap myself into a story that has no exit . But when I say this is hard right now , I honor the truth while also leaving space for things to shift . I used to say I can't do this on a loop , especially at 3am when I couldn't sleep because I was so overwhelmed by all of the things . And honestly , sometimes I still do . But now I try adding one more word , yet it changes the whole thing . I can't do this .

Language Shapes Healing

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Yet that tiny word opens a slight crack for something new to grow . Try it . I'm exhausted today . I feel lost . Right now . I don't see how things could ever get better . Yet this hurts and I'm still standing and still trying .

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Adding today or right now to statements allows you to state your truth , but at the same time it takes away the permanence . It allows for the possibility that things might be better tomorrow . Language won't eliminate your grief , but it can soften the edges , it can help your nervous system feel safer and that sense of safety makes healing more possible . We see possibility modeled in sports . All the time the underdog wins , the comeback happens . It's why people keep watching , cheering and hoping In life . We can do this too . Keep watching , cheering and hoping In life . We can do this too . We buy lotto tickets , we try for babies , we go on dates , we take classes . Why ? Because somewhere deep down , we believe in possibility . After Justin died , I didn't believe true happiness was possible . I honestly resigned myself to a bleak future and believed that all my best days were behind me . But with time , intentional work , community and support , I began to think that maybe , just maybe , I could feel content again . That belief didn't fix everything , but it gave me the courage to try .

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One of the key healing tasks in grieving is learning to live in a world where your person is no longer physically present . But that doesn't mean forgetting . It means adapting . It's redesigning how all the pieces of your life go back together after loss . It's creating space for a new reality . But here's what I learned Change doesn't have to be sudden or dramatic . To be powerful , it comes in soft waves . A change is how you talk to yourself , a shift in your morning routine , a choice to reach out instead of isolate . These micro changes done over time lay the foundation for a life that includes your loss without being defined solely by it . You don't need a grand reinvention , you just need a doorway back to yourself .

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Believing in possibility helps with this adaption . It gives you permission to imagine a future that isn't perfect but still meaningful , a future with laughter and new memories and maybe even moments of true joy , right alongside the ache . You might start small . Here's three ways . First , name one thing you did well today . Second , I want you to add I'm still here or I'm doing my best when the tears come out of frustration . Also , I want you to try whispering , maybe , when your brain wants to shut down . Each of these is a movement towards possibility . I want to leave you with this Beliefs can limit or expand us , and you get to choose which ones you nourish . Instead of saying this is too much , try . This is too much right now and I'm doing the best I can . Instead of I'll never feel joy again , try . I don't feel joy today , but maybe someday I could Change doesn't mean erasing the past .

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It means honoring it by continuing to live with love and courage into whatever comes next . You're not broken . You're grieving , and inside that grief lives the possibility for a different kind of life , one built with intention , courage and love . Let's go gently . Let's get to work to reclaim , redesign and rebuild your life after

Small Steps Toward Possibility

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the loss of your partner . At some point today , I encourage you to think about one belief you hold that feels heavy . Name it out loud . Can you reframe it by adding the word for now or today to the end of it ? I encourage you to believe in the power of possibility . Your future self will thank you and is already cheering you on . Until next time , take what you need , leave what you don't , and remember you're not and you're finding your way .

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Thank you for listening to the Widow Journey Podcast , where it isn't about fixing you or telling you to move on . It's about honoring the complexity of your grief and offering you proven tools and strategies to help you better navigate the one life you have . It's about making the most of your life , even after loss . You are living a profoundly human experience and you're finding your way . This podcast

Episode Closing and Resources

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is meant to be community driven , so if there's a topic you'd like me to explore or a story you'd like to share , I'd love to hear from you . And if you're looking for support on your widow journey , I offer one-on-one personalized programs for people just like you . Please reach out at widowjourneycom or follow me on the socials at Widow Journey . If this episode resonated with you , it would mean so much to me . If you hit subscribe , leave a quick review or share it with someone else who might need it . Every share helps this community grow . Remember you're not alone and you're finding your way .