Episode 14 - Sarah Frei Mills, Why We Find Strength Together

This week’s guest is Sarah Frei Mills. On July 30, 2020, Sarah’s life changed forever when the car she was riding in was hit head-on by a drunk driver. At just seventeen years old, she suffered a T11 spinal cord injury that left her paralyzed from the waist down and required the amputation of both of her legs. After more than twenty surgeries and months of recovery, Sarah chose resilience over despair, inspiring thousands with her courage and faith. Now a college graduate, elementary school teacher, and powerful voice for hope, Sarah shares her story to remind others that even after life’s most devastating moments, purpose, joy, and possibility can still be found.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to Waking the Why, a podcast about uncovering the purpose behind life's crucible moments. Each episode, you'll hear from real people who turn their struggles into strength and their stories into light. If you're searching for meaning, walking through something hard, or just love stories that stir the soul, you're in the right place. Hello, friends, and welcome to Waking the Wide, where we discover the purpose behind life's crucible moments. My name is Stacey Peterson, and our guest today is Sarah Mills. Sarah, thank you so much for joining us. I'm so excited that you're here.

SPEAKER_00 0:38

Of course. I feel honored to be here. Thank you. Ah, you're welcome.

SPEAKER_01 0:41

Well, to start, Sarah, why don't we start off with you telling everyone your story?

SPEAKER_00 0:47

Yeah, so I grew up being very active in extracurricular activities. I just, yeah, have always been a very active person. I grew up cheerleading and dancing and tumbling. Um I felt just very normal, like a normal teenager. And when I was 17 years old, I was in Bear Lake, Utah with some of my friends. We were at one of my friends' cabin and we did everything we could do in Bear Lake. We rode jet skis, we played in the sand, we got food, and we just had a great week together. And this was in July of 2020. So it was right before my senior year, and we just, you know, were having a summer week with our friends. And on our way home from Bear Lake, we were driving through the Logan Canyon. I was in the back passenger seat of the car, and three of my other friends were in the car with me. We were driving through the canyon, and about halfway through the canyon, we were hit head on by a drunk driver. Um, they estimated that the driver was going about 75 miles per hour around the bend when he hit right into our car. And the driver of my car, Tavi, she did the best she could to avoid the collision, but there's really nowhere for her to go. She just slammed on her brakes. Tavy ended up breaking her femur bone, which was a pretty bad break. She was on crutches for several months. The girl in the front seat, her name is Brooke. She had some abdominal and neck wounds and pain. Um, and the windshield was nearly touching their faces because of how smashed the car was. My friend Josh was sitting next to me in the back. He broke his collarbone and cracked his pelvis. And for whatever reason, we're not sure, my injuries ended up being the most severe. We were all so lucky to be alive because the people in the surrounding cars said that when they saw our car, they guaranteed that no one would be alive. So we were all lucky that we survived, but I ended up severing my spinal cord, which left me instantly paralyzed from the waist down. And I didn't know it at the time, but I was internally bleeding and my legs were not getting any blood flow to them. So those were some of the injuries right from the beginning. Luckily, there were so many amazing people in other cars that came to help us in whatever ways they could. Um, there was someone with a medical kit in their car. Um, there was someone who was a former CNA. Um, there was an EMT, uh special forces guy, like just so many people that I feel like were so prepared for us in that moment. They just came over to us. Someone had a neck brace that they put on me. And it took the ambulance about an hour to get to our car.

SPEAKER_01 3:39

I was just about to ask you that question because I mean I've traveled through Logan Canyon several times. I'm like, how I mean that's gonna take a while to get to you. And then I kept thinking, gosh, could a helicopter get there?

SPEAKER_00 3:51

But I I don't remember and there was no cell service, but someone ended up, someone had a ham radio and was able to call for someone. So yeah, but it took the ambulance an hour to get to us. So I was grateful to have those amazing people that could help us for that time. And then when the ambulance got to us, these people were able to say, okay, here's what we've seen, here are the injuries, take her first, take him next. You know, um, they were able to assess the situation very properly, I felt like. So I was taken to the Logan Regional Hospital and I was given several blood transfusions to keep me alive. And they realized that my injuries were pretty bad and that I needed to be lifelite to primary children's hospital. So it was there that my parents met me.

SPEAKER_01 4:44

At Logan or at primaries?

SPEAKER_00 4:46

Um at primaries. They said because I was 17 years old, I could have one parent be with me because of COVID. Um so my dad had to wait in the car, and my mom came to be with me. But they said if I would have been 18 years old, they wouldn't have let anyone, neither of my parents, be with me. And that just shocks me. So my mom came in to be with me, and I remember seeing her for the first time, and she said, Sarah, I love you. Everything is going to be okay, and the doctors are gonna take good care of you. And that's about all I remember for the next two weeks. I was heavily sedated, constantly in and out of surgeries. I had 20 surgeries total. The doctors realized and determined that both of my negative would need to be amputated above the knee in order for my life to be saved. And of course, my parents agreed to that. Whatever will save the life. I had to have 30% of my intestines removed that were bleeding. And so I spent about three months in the hospital, which included several weeks in ICU. Um, and then they took me to the University of Utah Hospital for rehab and all that. So that was at the beginning of my senior year. So I came home from the hospital in October of 2020.

SPEAKER_01 6:08

Right. So easy to even think about, you know, we talked about your physical injuries. How were you mentally and emotionally? How were you, you know, through that time?

SPEAKER_00 6:22

Yeah. I remember waking up in the hospital and I didn't really know what had happened to me. My parents had to tell me that I was in an accident, that I didn't have legs anymore, that I was paralyzed because I didn't know any of my injuries. And when my parents told me, so the hospital let both of them be with me for them to tell me what had happened. And in that moment, when they are telling me the worst news of my life, I felt so much peace, which it which surprises me. Like, even looking back, I don't, I just, yeah, I truly just felt peace. My parents were saying, Sarah, you are gonna live a life of joy and happiness. And they were just so encouraging, and I just believed them. And that kind of set the tone for my whole hospital stay. Like, I just felt like I had so much love and support. And I mean, it totally makes sense if it would have gone the other way. Like, you know, as the 17-year-old cheerleader getting this news, it it would totally make sense if I was feeling the opposite. But I really felt a lot of peace throughout my whole hospital stay, just from all of the love and support that I was getting. I think it's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 7:49

So Victor Frankel um was lived in the concentration camps obviously a really long time ago. But he wrote a book called Man's Search for Meaning. And there's a a phrase, a quote that he said that just has always stuck with me. He said, Between stimulus and response, we have the power to choose. And as I stalked you on social media, stalk is really strong. I didn't stalk, I followed you. Um I was so amazed at your you, your being, and and I would say your family too. Like and um, you know, as an observer, um I I don't know, maybe you can share when you went back to school. Um, and I remember seeing a picture of you cheering. Like that's so amazing.

SPEAKER_00 8:40

Yeah. For me, I remember being in the hospital and I of course had a lot of questions. I had a lot of questions for my parents and for the nurses. I said, Mom, will I ever be able to cheer again? And she said yes. I said, Will I ever be able to swim again or golf again or drive again? She said yes to all my questions. I'm like, you're just saying that to make me feel better. But yeah, like I said, my parents were always so encouraging. And I just believed that I really could live a life of joy and happiness if I if that's how I wanted my life to be. And so for me, I just knew that I wanted to do all those things again. I'm like, okay, when can I leave the hospital and when can I join my cheer team? Like that was my mindset. Yeah. So it was actually the day after I came home from the hospital that we had our last football game, like our home football game. And I was able to put on my cheer uniform, go out at halftime, and um perform with the cheerleaders. They had made a really special dance for me called the Sarah Strong Dance. And I learned this dance in my hospital bed. I would watch their videos every Friday night of them performing the dance, and I learned the choreography in my hospital bed just because, you know, that's my passion. And so I was able to perform with them the very last game, which was so meaningful and special. And I'll never forget the joy that I felt being out on that football field again cheering. It was those accomplishments that kept me going. Like just the feeling of how happy that made me, and the feeling of even the small things that I would accomplish. Like I wasn't able to sit up on my own for several weeks, and I couldn't get from my bed to my wheelchair, and I I had to relearn how to do all of these things. I just felt so much joy in the accomplishments, and it made me want to keep going and keep trying.

SPEAKER_01 10:52

It's amazing because I belief is so powerful, right? I I I can see how when you make you do one thing, um, how it just keeps you moving forward. I'm sure it wasn't easy, right? And I'm sure not every day you were like, oh, life's great, right? So how did you work through those moments where you're just where it's just hard?

SPEAKER_00 11:19

Yeah. I have definitely had those moments where things are hard, things are more challenging. And I I remember one of my lowest moments was about a year after the crash, and I was having what's called an anniversary effect. I ended up looking this up during that time because I was like, why do I just feel so sad, so hurt? I had a hard time sleeping. Um, and it was right around the one-year anniversary. And so yeah, I think I just looked it up one day and I was like, oh, there's a name for that, the anniversary effect when, you know, something traumatic in your life happened, whether that's death of a loved one or someone's birthday that, you know, so and anything like that, it just has an effect on you. And I wanted to think of strategies to help me overcome what I was feeling, but at the same time letting myself feel those emotions. And I feel like there's a balance. And the balance that I found is talking to people about the way that I was feeling because that allowed me to feel what I was feeling and also feel support. And so during that time, I made a strong effort to just communicate and to surround myself with people that I love instead of staying inside, keeping it all in. And I feel like when those hard moments happen, because they've definitely happened since then too, I make a conscious effort to let other people support me and find that support. And that is what helps me the most, I feel like, is because you feel you feel validated when you talk to people about the way that you feel. And that is letting yourself accept the way that you feel, which is totally great too. So true.

SPEAKER_01 13:29

So you you know, you've mentioned reaching out to others and allowing them to help you. How how easy was that? I mean, I've seen videos and pictures where you're on you're in Disneyland or you're on vacation with your friends and they're helping you along, right? Or up at school, you're you come to these stairs and you're like, how in the world am I gonna get up here? Right. You've had an army of individuals around you, but I'm sure that there's been plenty of times where you've had to ask for the help that someone wasn't aware in the moment that you may need help, right? So totally, how was that, or how is that for you?

SPEAKER_00 14:05

Yeah, that's that's one of the biggest lessons that I've learned. You know, I picturing my future, I feel like at the beginning, I wanted to just be this strong, independent woman who can just do all these things by herself, which is a great goal. But as time has gone on, especially just this past year, I have just realized I can't do it on my own, and that's okay. And I can be this strong, independent, dependent woman, you know, and that's how we all can be too. Like, I think that we just want to do things on our own. Like, we we got this, we can do this, but really I learned that the strength comes from other people. And yeah, I have so many more times than I can even count. It's probably, you know, daily, weekly that I'm saying, hey, can you help me real quick? Or um my dad was talking to me one day and he said that on one phone call that he like on any, if he ever calls me when I was up at college, I went to Utah State. And um, anytime he would call me, he just would laugh because he was constantly hearing me say, Oh, thank you so much, or hey, can you get the door for me? Like, as I'm on the phone with him, asking like three different people for help in one phone call, like, hey, can you grab that door? Or I don't know, and it it puts you in this vulnerable spot where it's like, I want to be independent and you want to do things on your own, but people are so willing to help. And sometimes it helps them more than it even helps you. Like, it's you giving them service opportunities, and also, yeah, I've just learned that it's okay to ask for help, and that's where you find strength. I have had to ask so many strangers for you know help, and that's okay.

SPEAKER_01 16:05

Yeah. And I don't think that naturally, for most people, that's an easy thing. I think we all have some type of life experience that teaches us to be, okay, guess what? You actually can't do this on your own. I remember um I know you recently got married. Uh my very first year of marriage. Um, I remember my husband actually saying, You don't need me. And I look at him and I'm like, Yeah, you're right. Like, I don't need you, but I want you. So is that okay, you know? But but what he really was helping me discover is that I acted in ways that almost pushed him and probably other people away, right? And I I find it so interesting, kind of the mindsets that we have. We want to be independent, but you're so right, Sarah, that the strength comes from realizing that it's okay to depend on other people, that we are so much more powerful together, right? Yeah, I agree. It's so crazy and fun and hard and beautifully complicated and all of those scenarios, right? Yeah, I agree. Well, let me ask you this question, Sarah. Everyone has their heart, right? I talk about how our crucible moments in life where we are like put through the fire that we think like, oh my gosh, how am I even gonna make it right? When we come out of it, we can look back and we can find purpose and we can find just meaning at times, especially if we look for it. But when we're in the middle, sometimes it's just too much to bear. It feels that way. Yeah. What would you say to our audience that may be in the middle of their heart?

SPEAKER_00 17:51

Yeah. I know life can be so hard, and life can go ways that we don't want or expect. And it's it's like you said, easier to look back and say, oh, that was hard and now I'm through it. But when you're in the middle of something very challenging, something very heavy that can be really, really hard. And I would say to continue to build your relationships with the people around you because sometimes when you're in the middle of your heart, it can be easy to push people away when really that's when you need them most. And building your relationships, maybe you don't have a good relationship with someone in your life. You can build a relationship with someone else or a friend, or you know, someone in the community, or uh, you know, building a relationship with God or a higher power, or I think that that, yeah, can help you find strength and give you hope for the future because there's so much good in this life, and it's hard to see when you're in the in the middle of it. But I think that building relationships with people can help you through your hard. Oh, I love that.

SPEAKER_01 19:17

Thank you so much. So tell us what you're up to now, right? So it's been almost six years.

SPEAKER_00 19:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:24

Then you went to Utah State. Kind of give us the lowdown on what you're doing.

SPEAKER_00 19:28

Yeah. So I went up to Utah State and I was there for four years. Um, I studied elementary education. That's something that I always wanted to be growing up, was an elementary school teacher. And so I continued to pursue that. Um, yeah, I graduated just last year, so May of 2025. I graduated. That same year, I got married, which is just so exciting. My husband and I we met in high school and um we kind of started dating right after we both graduated high school. And anyway, and then yeah, uh, life has been so good since we've been married. And then just this week we bought a house. So, so many exciting things in just the past year. We love to travel, and I still love to find new things to do, find new ways of doing things. We just barely got back from a cruise, and two strangers in Cabo ended up helping me on a boat to help me go whale watching. And so yeah, we just yeah, just in making the most of the situation and finding so much joy doing that.

SPEAKER_01 20:45

Oh my heck. Thank you so much, Sarah. Thank you for for joining us today. My friends, what an amazing story that we've heard today. And I I encourage all of you to do exactly what she said. One, look around to those who can be your support, build those uh relationships, be intentional about it. And two, belief. Believe that you deserve joy and happiness. Don't ever settle for anything less. Thank you. Thank you for joining me on Waking the Why. If today's story moved you, share it with someone who needs it. And don't forget, your why is worth waking up for.