Episode 17 - Emily Martin Prisbrey, Why We Forgive

This week’s guest is Emily Martin Prisbrey. Emily is a connector, someone who naturally brings people together and helps them see what’s possible in their lives. With a background in relationship management, event planning, and community leadership, she has built her work around people, connection, and meaningful impact. Shaped by experiences living across the country and stepping into a variety of roles, Emily has developed a deep love for people and the unique paths they each walk. She is driven by a genuine desire to uplift others, often creating opportunities, building relationships, and encouraging growth in those around her. Now, through both her work and everyday life, Emily continues to pursue her passion for helping people succeed, live with purpose, and make a lasting impact.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Wake in the Wide, a podcast about uncovering the purpose behind life's crucible moments. Each episode, you'll hear from real people who turn their struggles into strength and their stories into light. If you're searching for meaning, walking through something hard, or just love stories that stir the soul, you're in the right place. Welcome to Waking the White, where we discover the purpose behind life's crucible moments. My name is Stacey Peterson, and our guest today is Emily Martin Prisbee. You guys, I met Emily, what, a year and a half? A couple of years ago through an initiative called A Bold Our Way Forward. That is an initiative that is to make a better Utah for women and girls, and then obviously that positively impacts our families. And Emily is the queen of everything, I swear. To start, why don't you tell us your story?

SPEAKER_01 0:50

I think I'll I have lots of different life experiences, but I would say that well, the one that I would like to focus on in the waking, uh, the why uh that's the theme of your podcast would probably be centraled around um going through a divorce and and having to kind of reconcile that in a way that bring purpose to my pain and also understand life's journey and and different things. And so raised in a um an LDS household, then you know, I went to BYU and I got married, graduated from BYU and got married to a return missionary and did all the things that this um check, check, and I check and I'm a checkbox, I'm a checkbox kind of person. And so I was like, okay, I'm doing everything that's right and I'm being obedient. And you know, we were married for a few years. We had two children, we lived all over the country at that time. He was a uh TV newscaster. And then when my daughter was about one, uh six months old, we moved to Utah and we moved from the East Coast, and um and during that period, so that first year, husband, you know, made some choices that ended our marriage, and um, you know, it was really shocking to me and sort of like Hamily Father, you know, I've done everything right. Like, how did this all blow up? And it was really kind of, as you say, a crucible moment for me. And so um then uh I had to go back to work, which I never wanted to do, right? Like I wanted to stay home and raise my kids, and they were one and six at the time.

SPEAKER_00 2:21

Can I ask you a quick question about that chapter? So earlier in our conversations, you were saying how the only thing that you ever wanted to do was stay home with your kids. So now you find yourself in a position where you really don't have that option. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:35

How did you work through those? I was really angry. Were you? I was angry at my ex-husband, I was angry at God. I was just angry in a lot of ways. And I look at it now and it's funny because now that I'm on the other side of it, I'm like, wow, I was probably volatile. I was supposed to have any friends left. Um like just really having to work through that process. And I will be honest, it took like a good 17, 18 years to really get to the point where I could forgive my um former husband for putting me in a position where I didn't get to stay home with my kids because I mean, they were six and one when we divorced, and that was I was really angry for a long time. And I but I've also come to um understand that this life's a journey, and our timetable is not doesn't have to look a certain way, everybody's is different. So um my ex-husband gets um permission to be sealed, and you know, I write this letter, and I that was a very difficult uh exercise for me. And I was like, well, you know, I thought there were rules about this, you know, like if this is how the marriage ended, like, you know, you wouldn't be able to get sealed and kind of things, and this was happening before that, and I was really kind of angry. Yeah, and it really made me angry, and I and I worked at the church at the time, and I remember my my kids were so the weekends that I didn't have them, I wouldn't go to church. I was like, this feels like a good old boy system because he ended up being able to, you know, get sealed, and I didn't feel like anybody listened to my letter, you know. I mean, all the things that had happened, and I just did not feel seen or heard at all. And I felt abandoned. And I felt abandoned by the culture after being obedient to all the things that I was supposed to do, and I was really, you know, added to the anger. I really had to um start rebuilding my testimony of what I believed about anything and everything in this life from that moment, and so I had to start with like, okay, I believe in Jesus Christ and I can look at the New Testament and I can see that and I believe, you know, like and I, you know, right? Right. And so then I kind of and I realized I remember I woke up one day and you know, here I am, I'm working for the LDS church, you know, I'm going through this um faith journey. So I had to look at this um, you know, religion that I was a part of and say, what's the good that it's given me and you know, what's the harm that has been done? And there there has been both, right? Like, I mean, I'm not gonna shy away from that. I think organized religion has that, no matter what belief you are. And um, and so I I was like, I need to pick somewhere where I have a community. Um, but at the same time, I was like, this has given me just as much good that I just need to stay here. And that's sort of why um I stayed. I've had many, many friends from a lot of the experiences that I've had say to me, Why are you still active? Why are you still an active member? And I'm like, because I choose to. And you know, and it was funny because then I went to the about six months after we got married, I did go to the temple and was by myself in the temple, and I came home that night, and I because I knew pretty early on that I probably hadn't made the right choice. And I had this feeling like, you know what, you need to get divorced from this man. And I was like, Are you kidding? You know, like I'm going, I'm in the temple? What a odd place to be told, right? And so anyway, um I sat on that for like another 10 months before I really um could make the move and sort of get to a point where I can really end that marriage as well, because I mean, there's so much stigma. I mean, then it looked like, well, shoot, I'm the problem, right? You know what I mean? Like I'm getting married, I'm getting divorced twice. And and there's a reconciliation about that, right? Too, like where I had sort of felt victimized. And I think this was a turning point too in my in my spiritual and and life journey was I did make those choices, right? And when I moved out of victimhood and sort of be like, you know, maybe your picker's not great, you know what I mean? Even though like I'd been told to marry these people, like, or however that looks like, I had to sort of take accountability of where I have been in the marriages, even though, you know, when people looked at them from the outside, I I looked like the victim. But at the same time, I made choices too. And that's there's something empowering about that when you're going through that as a single person, particularly in this culture, um, to be like, I'm gonna own my my stuff, I'm gonna own my life, I'm gonna own whatever it is, and I'm gonna move on. Like, you know, and I don't if we the more we stay in victimhood, I think the harder it is to sort of I think you bring a really good point up though, because I was as you were speaking, I I was thinking this as well. Um from a personal revelation standpoint, and we've sort of in the last few years really had that kind of drilled into us um from our leaders, is that how important that is. And the the spirit speaks to everybody differently, right? And I know that I had for me personally, I had to be told that in the temple because I would have, if it hadn't been in the temple, I would have thought it came from somewhere else, like my own mind or something like that. Because it was so foreign to what the concept was there. Right. I was like, I have to look at this and take it very seriously because it doesn't it it wouldn't resonate. And and and going back to that, I've had lots of people say this, and I've I've mentioned this to you before, is that they leave um the LES faith a lot of times because they don't have what is considered a typical spiritual experience that people say at the pulp pulpit, like the temple, or these different places that happened. And and one of the things that was really kind of life-changing for me is that the Lord speaks to you um or your higher power, whoever that is in your life, in a way that you can hear it. And so, like, and I I shared this experience that you know, one of the greatest spiritual experiences I ever had in my life was at Disney World. And people are like, Disney World, you know, and and I share this with some of my friends who say I don't, you know, I don't have the typical, you know, life experience, church, you know, spiritual experience that happens where it's supposed to. And I say, well, you know, so the funny thing is, you know, I was growing up, I wanted to take my kids to Disney World, and I wanted to have this like, you know, wonderful experience. And well, I end up taking them after my um first divorce, my broken engagement that I'd gone through. And I was really in a low point, just really one of the lowest points of my life. I I didn't even want to live, you know, I thought, my gosh, this is so difficult. And and um, you know, I just not that I was suicidal, but I thought if a best cousin hits me, you know, I'm good. Like it was just such a struggle. And um, and we were sitting at Disney World, and um, I had happened to get that money just because I'd sold my house, because we're, you know, gonna get married, and then it didn't happen. And a year later we were I was able to to take some of the money and and do that and take the kids. And so I'm because I wouldn't have money otherwise. So I take them, they're six and ten at the time, and it's around my birthday. I'm turning 38 on the birthday weekend. And um, and so we're there, and I'm sitting there at the princess parade, and I just get this warm blanket feeling come over me. And I was like, Oh, you know, and it was like the song is a dream, a wish, you know, your heart will make, which is Cinderella's song. And and um, and I just it said, I made your dreams come true, just not in the way that you thought. So I still got to take my kids to Disney World, had to go through a broken engagement to get my household and have my, you know, go through a divorce. I mean, it was just, but he still made my dreams come true of what I wanted, just not the way I thought. And so I went and bought myself like one of those little glass slippers and have my name engraved on it, so that I would always remember that spiritual experience that God speaks to us in a way where we can hear it at a time we're prepared to hear it in a space uh, you know, that that we can understand what he's trying to tell us and show his love for us.

SPEAKER_00 10:40

So maybe tell us a little bit about what you're doing now with uh with that advocacy work.

SPEAKER_01 10:45

So um, so a couple of years ago, so I got married about I got remarried um to my current husband, which you know, yeah, he's awesome, um, about three uh and a half years ago. That's a whole nother s lovely story. But um what I'll say about that is he was a delegate for Davis County and for the Republican Party, and um and he we had so and I sadly have not been politically active at all because I really just hadn't had the time, the bandwidth. I was just in survival mode for so long. Um, and so anyway, um this um these all these candidates were coming over to our house to woo them because if you know anything about the caucuses men, which I did not was that you know, you elect your neighbors people and they go in groups, and then in fact he's at convention this morning as we speak, that um then they go and choose who gets put on the ballot for like the Republican Party, so and then or you know, if you're a Democrat for the Democratic Party or independent, whatever that looks like. And so he's there, and we're having all these people come over, and our representative comes over, and I have just gone through this, you know, still battling my ex-husband clear until my last child graduated, which had just been a year prior. And and I'm like, you know, I'm really angry. I said, the child support system, and anybody who's uh dealt with Office of Recovery Services or Child Support Collection or anything like that knows what a nightmare it is. And you just and you're not getting collected on, I mean, you're not getting your child support, you're not, you know. Yeah. And it was interesting because um when my daughter was a junior, it had been 12 years, and I said to um, I called Office of Recovery Services, which by the way, if you know anything about that, you gotta set aside an afternoon to sit on hold, um, you know, trying to get through to them, and then they can't really help you, which you know, we've determined why since I've done this advocacy work. So anyway, so I say to my representative, and um his name's Ray Ward, he said, I said, I'm really angry about this, and this is what happened to me. And I started telling kind of a lot of the life experiences, which I'll spare all of us here, but um, including like the childcare thing that we talked about earlier.

SPEAKER_00 13:03

Right.

SPEAKER_01 13:03

And he was like, Well, I'm the legislature over the Department of Health and Human Services, and um and that fells under his purview. And he was like, I'd like to know more about this. I, you know, I'd like to advocate for this. And I was like, what? You know, and and and I'm thinking, so one of the things I'd like everyone to notice from a policy standpoint and and and using your voice, and that's you know, kind of an evolutionary place of using your life lens experience to help others and to create policy, um, is don't be afraid, and your legislators are not as far removed as you think they are. I mean, he's sitting here in my living room, he's actually sitting where you and I are sitting today, and I'm sitting across from him complaining, and he says to me, I want to pick this up. So I so I knew then in there that because of the ease of it, and I mean not that it was easy, but that people fell into like my life and were just falling into my lap out of the sky, that I was like, All right, God, I get it. I I need to be helping women. And I I I did want to, and I didn't know how that was gonna happen, but I had the desire, and then here they showed up. And so, anyways, I was able to use that experience of him telling me that, then also like using the state of California and showing precedence in different states. And so the legislation that we passed was that instead of having to, you know, have people go back to court to get a judgment, so they automatically go into the system of ORS at the time of the divorce. And then we got child care garnished during that time so that people went at least daycare providers, and then I'd met another woman out of price that got put in together in my path to that, you know, we could take her divorce and write legislation for the next 10 years. But she had had um, you know, her ex-husband had had his terminant his parental rights terminated, and he was fifty thousand dollars behind in child support and almost. And um, when the they terminated his rights, she lost all of that. Was never into we were like, well, that rumor is bad behavior. We didn't even know that was a law, our representative didn't, so we had that. So those three things got made into law in 2025. And so then that passed, and then all of a sudden the next year I became the single parent legislative person that knew it, you know, uh over the course of the year. And so then the next year, and Ray had committed to to raising money for us to to uh for the next several years, you know, to um to do single parent legislation, and so there was a lot to fix. And and also during this time, Tina Cannon did the audit. It was one of her first audits, the state auditor, when she got into office in January. It all was like coinciding, so we've been working on reformation, and and I mean, and I will say, like, I don't fully blame all of that on ORS. They didn't have infrastructure created, there was no way to do it. There, I mean, it was like they needed an overhaul, they'd never been audited to anyone's knowledge. And yeah, it's painful, it's growth for them too, but it's gonna end up being a better system. And so that all worked out. So then all these people started falling into my path to run single parent legislation, worked for Boulder Bay Ford starting legislation on on that front. And what I started to realize was I don't need to go through my representative anymore. I need to have women share their lens of experience, and they need to go to their own legislators. And so as I would start together, and I'm a connector and a networker, so I had lots of different friends and they had all these experiences, but they didn't know each other. And so I the you know, this one gal came to me and she wanted to run one on um litigation abuse, like you know, getting taken back to court multiple times till your blood dry. And I was like, Well, I know this friend, and I know this friend, and I know this friend, and this friend. So I got them all together, and then we met with one of their legislators, and so it's created this um advocacy work for women to understand that like their life and and their life experience was different than mine. Their lens, like their experiences as being a single mom was different than mine. But they are now able to say, I can do legislation, I can go talk to my legislature, and I can get public policy passed. And so I've found that like just you know, the even with our work uh a bolder way forward and just kind of mentoring that process along too. And and the big thing that we would hear from policy uh makers were we need to hear stories. Yeah, and you can't make those, and so in in our lens of life experience, we can turn that painful experience into something good. We can pay it forward to all the people that have helped us along the way, and we can use our voice and our our lens of life experience to educate others and to create good policy and to um you know bless the lives of women and children and men too, um, in future generations that won't have to experience those kinds of hardships. And I'll tell you, there's a scripture that really coincides with that, and I'm fair believer in it, and it's like the Lord will make beauty of ashes. Yeah. And he does. He does. I've seen it. And it takes sometimes decades to see it. I and and that's something that I've learned to be patient along this life journey of it, you know, I'm a planner, I like to see it all, I want to have it all happen. It doesn't happen in my time, but I need to go through those experiences in order to get to the point where I can be the most beneficial in order to to you know to create that empathetic bond and help others. Um, I've got to have some tough times, you know, to make that. But he does make beauty of ashes, and I and I I'm a hundred percent believer in that.

SPEAKER_00 18:40

So let me ask you one last question. Life's hard, and um, you know it it's hard in the beginning, and then when you get to the end, um you can look back and maybe gather meaning, maybe see different stuff, right? But when you're in the middle, when you feel like it's just never gonna end, no one understands you, it's just the middle is hard, it's confusing, it's frustrating. Um the question is, is what what advice would you give to our audience on those that may be in their middle right now?

SPEAKER_01 19:21

Well, my experience I think is a little bit unique, and you can, you know, this is like I said, this is what I can share from my life and experience if it resonates with someone great. Um I believe that we lived before this life. And I believe that we chose to come down and experience these um trials or adversities in order to grow. And what helped me and um and there was a couple of things that helped me when I was kind of going through the broken engagement and the um uh divorces and all these different kind of things and trying to reconcile where I stood. I remember going and being like, okay, I have a broken heart, but there are people that have way worse things. I mean, you've interviewed people on your podcast that you know have had really some terrible things happen to them. And I'm like, I so I would start to go listen to other people that had had difficult things. And I was like, if they can do it, I can do it. And that put me in touch with my thought process of who I was before I came down here. And I was like, that woman believed in herself, like she knew that she could do this, and I gotta get in touch with her. Like I need to figure out like she had the confidence in herself, and I've not always been confident, I still struggle with it sometimes that she could get through these things and get through this life and come out on the other side in a beautiful way. And so I whenever I think about that, um, I try to get in touch with her, that person. And the other thing that I would say is um to get out of yourself and to be grateful for everything that you have. I found a saying that said there's always, always, always something to be grateful for. If that's the I can breathe today, if that's the, you know, I have a body that moves, like just these different things. And and then when you can get in touch with that, and you can also get outside of yourself and look to help others, like it just kind of helps you relieve your ability to just be in this victim mode. And I'm not saying that you can't grieve and there isn't a purpose and a time, and you need to do that. You do. That's a healthy way to do it, but you can't stay there. And if you can be grateful, stay stay in a place of gratitude, help other people to get outside of yourself to realize that you're, you know, because I worked in humanitarian space, and I would be like, I would say this to myself when I looked at the women like um that were kidnapped by ISIS, you know, like and they were gang raped and stuff, and I'm like, yeah, my life doesn't suck. You know what I mean? Like I would be like, it could be worse. Like, you know, and it just always helps me kind of keep it in perspective of like, yes, I have a broken heart. Yes, I've gone. Through these different trials and adversities, which I've had, you know, all kinds of different ones that that beyond these, that I'm like, it could be worse, and I need to be grateful for what I have and how can I develop the confidence as well as the um divine guidance that I can receive and stay keeping a place open where I can hear God's voice to tell me what to move to do next. And if I leave myself open and I'm helping other people, he answers. He answers you in ways you don't expect. Yeah, but he does. Also I go out to take the dog on a walk, and while I'm out on the walk, I just hear this voice in my head, and it said, you know, he was never your person, what my ex-husband's name, and and you know, you made, you know, a pact in the pre-existence that you were gonna teach each other about forgiveness. And um, and I thought to myself, I'm like, what? You know, I mean, huge paradigm shift for me from like a doctrinal perspective about eternal families and you know, what I'd kind of narrowed that to look like. And and so I was like, oh my gosh. And in that moment, like, um, I felt healed. Like I'd held, I'd held a lot of vitriol hatred and anger towards my ex-husband up until that point, you know, and as we've talked about, I mean, name the thing that we went through for the last 17 years of, you know, uh all the stuff that went back and forth that wasn't good, you know, like that's why I'm even doing the advocacy. And and I thought, my gosh, what kind of love must we have had for one another in the pre-existence that we would have made this agreement to do this? And so when my daughter came home, you know, obviously it's quite emotional. And my daughter came home, she's like, Mom, what's wrong? You know, and I was like, I feel so bad for anything that I've ever said about your dad, you know, over the years. And I was like, and I explained to her what happened, and I said, because um, you know, if I have one regret for my divorce, it was that I ever said anything unkind about my ex-husband and my frustrations with him in front of my children. And, you know, I live with that regret and I'm not proud of it. And, you know, it was healing for her and for me, and I um I called my son and said the same thing. And um, you know, it was really like the bag of rocks that you carry around when you harbor, you know, bad feelings against someone that's harmed you in some way, and and it it just was gone in an instant. And and I mentioned that like I, you know, I put my their name in the temple, you know, every time I went for 17 years trying to get over this, I was going to therapy, I was doing everything. So I was doing the work. Right. It still took 17 years.

SPEAKER_00 24:48

Right.

SPEAKER_01 24:49

And and it happened. And I was just like, oh my gosh, thank you. In one in one instant it was gone, and that and I don't feel that anymore. Does he still irritate me with things he does? Yes. But I don't have that like anger anymore, and it's really healed our family in a in a good way, I think. And and and the energy has shifted, even though he and I have never spoken since this incident in four years. Um, I can tell the energy has shifted even on their part, um, as far as uh he and his wife's uh part towards me, even just the energy that's out in the world. And and so what I want to say is a couple of things is like that really impacted me in a way that I knew that if I do the work and I put forth and I really want the desire to change and to forgive and to get past these difficult adversities in our lives that sometimes other people can be a part of. Um, that God can grant that for us if we put forth the effort. And it was also such a paradigm shift about loving each other in this life journey of, you know, it's I didn't fail. Like mum he and I were never meant to, we were supposed to have these two children similar to what I saw on the TV show. And those were supposed to be our children together, but they weren't, you know, our um we weren't the eternal family narrative that we are sometimes narrowing in our doctrine. Yeah. And to say we're all brothers and sisters to each other um under our heavenly parents. And if we looked each other that, then maybe our nuclear family, it makes a very big difference, I think, in how we treat other people in our lives. If we all treat each other like we're brothers and sisters. And so anyway, I don't know. I and and since I've told that story to a few friends that have been divorced, um, they've had similar experiences, not quite the same, but they were told that wasn't their person and now they're married to that person. And, you know, it's something we don't discuss in the church because it's not really kind of part of our cultural narrative, but I think it gives a lot of healing to people that maybe have gone through a divorce and and they don't think they lived up or they failed somehow. No, they did not. Yeah, that was part of that, was always part of their life journey. Yeah, they'd made that decision before they ever came here, and this is all how it was supposed to be. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:12

It it really kind of underscores the importance of the purpose that individuals play in our lives. That a lot of times it's not what we think, right? As always, or that we want it to be. Um, but I think there in life, there are people that will be in our lives and then they won't be. Like there are there are seasons in life, there's chapters. In the end, we we are living a story that is beautifully complicated, right? Um when different people are part of different chapters. It's true. And as you said too, that you know, beauty can come from ashes, and um, that beauty comes from our willingness to do the work, to seek to understand, and to choose love. Right. Yeah. So thank you so much, Emily. Thank you. My friends, oh my goodness. One thing that I want to say is that your story matters. Um, it matters to other people, it matters for to make movement, um, for progress. Um, it it matters for you. So um don't be afraid with what you're living today. There is purpose in it, and don't be afraid to share it too. Um, you'll never know the lives that you're impacting. I mean, you can see it through the work that you've done, Emily, of just um how meaningful and impactful it is. So thank you, everybody. Thank you for joining me on Waking the Why. If today's story moved you, share it with someone who needs it. And don't forget, your why is worth waking up for