Episode 3...You Had Me At Hello..

Sleepless In Granada Episode 3..You Had Me At Hello....

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Hello everyone and a huge big Scottish welcome. Sleepless in Granada, episode three. I'm sitting on my big comfy couch and I've just finished watching an episode of Downton Abbey. It's an amazing British period drama, my guilty pleasure. What's yours? I was sent this fabulous poem many years ago when I was in a very dark place. It soothed my soul and I'd love to share it with you. It may just brighten your day. Sorry, I have no idea And at the end, I'll read a short piece from my memoir. This piece is called Remember Who You Are. Remember who you are. Do not, not even for a second, forget how damn incredible you are. You're outstanding, one of a kind, brave and brilliant. You are resilient and fierce and you have always been in a league of your own. You have that special something about you that is solely yours and that no one else can replace. So remember who you are and remember what you are capable of. This life has something big in store for you and you aren't going to let that pass you by. You were made for great things and you will get where you want to go. You are one in a million and if you just reminded yourself of that, you could quite literally set the world on fire. So dust yourself off, take a deep breath and remember who the hell you really are and what you came here to do you're not finished yet you've hardly even started when a man is gentle with you not just his touch but in his tone his presence his energy, something in you begins to shift. You breathe just a little bit easier. Your body doesn't brace for disappointments and harsh retorts. Your heart doesn't flinch at every word screamed about your failings. Because for the first time in a long time, you feel safe, secure, heard, and did I say happy and content. And that's what emotional safety does. It quiet the anxiety. It softens the titanium walls you have built around you to keep yourself safe. No more survival mode. It teaches your nervous system that It no longer has to be in fight or flight mode and to always be on high alert. You're not walking on eggshells. You're not constantly questioning where you stand or if you're just asking for too much. You're just loved consistently and calmly. That's why some women start glowing when they're loved the right way. It's not just the relationship. It's the healing. It's the peace of mind. It's the contentment It's the reassurance that love doesn't have to hurt, doesn't have to be chaotic, doesn't have to break you down to build you up again. It's him showing up without you begging for breadcrumbs. It's the softness in his voice when he says your name and the delicious butterflies when he touches your hand. It's his ability to make you feel heard emotionally, spiritually, mentally. not just physically. It's knowing that you're not a burden, that your feelings are safe with him, that your past doesn't scare him, and your vulnerability isn't a weapon to be used against you. That's the kind of love that makes a woman radiate, that makes her blossom, that makes her soul rest easy. Not because she's being loved with fireworks, but because she's finally being loved without fear. The kind of love that we all crave somehow eludes me We should never settle for less. We are enough. And here's my question. Have you ever had love like this in your life? Or have you lived with a narcissistic, abusive, controlling monster? I'd love to hear from you. Confidentiality assured 100%. Email me at sleeplessingrenada at yahoo.com. And now for a short piece from my memoir. This piece is called You Had Me At Home. Hello. The start of our epic journey. We found each other in the most bizarre way. I remember that day so vividly, as if it were yesterday. The drizzly rain had just stopped. It was cold, damp and dank. Just another typical November in Scotland. My 30 year relationship had just come to an end. I felt uncertain about my future and where I was going. Feeling bored, I put the kettle on for the umpteenth time. As I I waited for it to boil. I scrolled through social media. A new friendship app grabbed my attention and piqued my interest. What did I have to lose? The free introductory offer sealed the deal for me. I crafted an enticing profile sprinkled with thought-provoking details, attractive pictures and light-hearted anecdotes. Press send and immediately regretted it. Oh no, what have I done? Within minutes, my phone was pinging with notifications. Shit, shit, shit. My inbox quickly filled with messages, not to mention some rather suggestive snapshots that left me stunned. I had thought it was just a casual friendship platform, but I quickly learned I was mistaken. In my naivety, I had checked the box saying I was open to and interested in both males and females. When I showed my daughter the site, she reacted with horror and told me to block it immediately. For God's sake, mum, what are you doing on that? It's a hookup site. My mouth hung open in disbelief. I was so naive and out of touch. I began the somewhat laborious task of removing potential suitors from my virtual life. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a message appeared. A picture flashed up on my screen and there he was, a man with a shy smile and a twinkle in his dark green eyes. He had sent me a simple yet electrifying message, hello. My heart fluttered and I felt a rush of delicious butterflies in my tummy. Wanting to play it cool I didn't respond immediately. The next night I replied with a hello of my own. He replied right away, which made me smile. I found out later that he had been checking his account every hour to see if I had responded to his message. We hit it off instantly and chatted like two old pals, howling with laughter As we compared stories, I couldn't help but share some of the hilarious wild messages and images I had received. We both agreed that this site wasn't for us as we continued to talk. It was clear that our bond was growing stronger. Finding a kinder spirit felt fabulous and we both craved something more meaningful. I loved that we could be ourselves. It all felt so natural and comfortable. I was excited to see where this would go. We engaged in Passionate conversations about every subject, igniting a feeling I thought had long faded. Suddenly I felt young again and thoughts of romance began to weave back into my life. Chatting back and forth for hours and hours, day and night, I felt so alive and stirrings of lust and longing started to form in my palace of possibilities. A week or so after we began messaging, I said, would you like to hear my voice? And promptly sent him my mobile number. Hardly finished sending the message when my phone rang. Hello, it's me. My heart skipped a beat and I giggled. His voice took me entirely by surprise. It was so posh. I was astonished he had called me so quickly and I had no time to compose myself. I gulped down. We spoke and laughed and shared our hopes and dreams for the future. Day turned into night, but we continued talking. We talked on and on and on, neither of us wanting to break this magical spell. The connection and spark between us was electrifying, and I didn't want it to end. When can we meet, he eventually asked. I grinned to myself and flippantly answered. Ask me again when we'll be exchanged 2,000 texts, thinking this'll take ages. Fabulous, he said. That will be the 26th of December then and then he laughed regretfully I explained that I had a prior commitment and I wasn't available but I was free the following day we hurriedly and excited excitedly Ranged to meet for lunch in an incredible seafood restaurant. We said our goodbyes and when the call ended I was a complete bundle of nerves. I hadn't been on a date for 30 years. My mind went into overdrive. Was this happening? Fast forward to the big day. My alarm woke me up. Just as the sun was rising, bubbling with excitement and anticipation, I looked out of my bedroom window. I could hardly believe what I saw. My heart raced. Overnight, it had snowed non-stop. My vista was simply stunning. Every car and driveway hidden under an impenetrable blanket of pure white virgin snow. Trying to stay calm, I turned on the television. My heart lurched and and a wave of panic set in. My dreams of something new and exciting were now slipping away. I needed a solution now. The roads were all impassable and trains into Glasgow were all cancelled. No, no, no. I kept rechecking the news for weather updates every hour on the hour, hoping against all hope for a miracle. We'd never been snowed in before. This isn't possible. But it wasn't good news. Again, severe weather warnings throughout the entire region. Torrential rain and high winds also forecast. Shit, shit, shit. Fight off my complete panic I called the local taxi firm the controller informed me that the first available cab would be in 90 minutes she further advised that because of the deep snowfall the taxi wouldn't be able to drive down my street and that I would need to walk up to the top of the road shit shit shit Wellington boots are not the sexiest look on a first date I'm used I'm now hyperventilating I tried calling my new beau on his mobile but after several tries eyes, there was still no answer. So I left a frantic voice message explaining my dire situation and that I would be late, very, very late. I was a sight for sore eyes, scrambling through the knee-deep snow to reach my taxi waiting at the top of my road. I swear the driver was wiping tears of laughter from his roomy eyes. Finally, I'm en route, looking like a drowned rat, face all red and shiny, feeling so flustered and full of self-doubt. What on earth am I doing? What if he takes one look at me and runs for the hills? What if he's given up and left? What if? What if? Stop overthinking now I chastise myself. Trapped in a cyclone of emotions inside I was crying with frustration and uncertainty. As the taxi pulled up outside the restaurant, the butterflies in my tummy returned. My excitement was off the Richter scale and I hoped with all my heart that it'd still be there. I took a deep breath, pulled myself together and pushed open the restaurant door. And there he was, sitting at the bar. I was ecstatic to see him, and he was still waiting there for me. I rushed towards him and kissed him full on the mouth, much to the amusement of the other diners. He tasted of toothpaste and tobacco. He smoked his last cigarette that day. The waiter took my wet coat and my snow-covered Wellington boots and promptly showed me to our table. We excitedly scanned the menu, our fingers touching, and the air was heavy with sexual tension. The aromas emitting from the kitchen were incredible and had us salivating. Finally, on the waiter's recommendation, we ordered a fabulous bottle of Sancerre, which paired beautifully with the scrumptious seafood platter. Juicy tiger prawns and queenie scallop lingered seductively on the garlic and lemon drizzle bed. The Dublin bay oysters, longistines and the brown crab set our senses alight. The smells and tastes were more than the ocean on a plate indeed we enjoyed a gourmet feast fit for royalty we devoured the lot diving straight into that world of culinary excellence I still remember how he looked his hair was still wet from the rain and he was dishevelled too he was wearing a lemon cashmere wool sweater and a matching navy and lemon shirt both Christmas presents from his mother I will say no more we talked and talked and talked and then talked some more. When our hands accidentally touched it was the purest form of electric energy and my entire being tingled with excitement. Anticipation and expectation danced a merry jig between us. The serving staff began to set up for the evening sitting which was our cue to leave. With a degree of reluctance we gathered up our belongings and headed for the door. The weather was still dire, torrential rain and gale force winds and it was bitterly bitterly cold neither of us was ready to say goodbye yet so we ran into a cozy pub that was just around the corner and planted ourselves in a booth in front of the big open log fire where we sat intertwined for many many more hours our laughter was so genuine so spontaneous time passed far too quickly still we talked and talked when it was time to leave he insisted on walking me to the train station he pulled me into to a shop doorway and we had our first luscious kiss. It was just like in the cartoons, fireworks went off. It was so passionate, so honest. We disentangled as a group of young boys shouted, get a room. Laughing like a couple of teenagers ourselves, we ran into the train station. He bought my ticket and we hugged goodbye. I thanked him for our incredible day and headed down the platform to the waiting train. My feet hardly touched the ground. I swear I was floating. As I walked towards my carriage, I could feel his eyes burning into my back. It took every ounce of of willpower not to turn around. Instead, I sashayed down that platform like a top performing Vegas stripper. With my head held high and with every bit of confidence I could muster, I boarded my train and chuckled as I found my seat. We continued chatting and messaging back and forth, spending five, six hours a day on the phone. Weeks passed quickly. I ached for him and in my mind I could taste him and feel his touch. By now I knew he was my person. He was the one. Bold and brazen I suggested we meet in a hotel. He eagerly booked a room and confirmed the date. Now I'm thinking what the fuck have I done? Now I'm sure many of you have been in the same situation or similar situation where you've been with the one human forever and suddenly find yourself in a new relationship. So many self-doubts flood my mind. All my old insecurities crept in. What will my new man think of me seeing me naked vulnerable and totally exposed and open I won't go into graphic detail about our afternoon delight but I will share this with you when we got to the room we were feeling a little bit shy and awkward I excused myself and went into the bathroom when I emerged he had totally transformed the room tea light candles adorned every surface and dreamy soft jazz music played in the background it was unbelievable He reached out his hand to me and instantly I knew I was lost. Sometime later, we were both lying there, enveloped in that post-euphoric state, just letting the waves of utter joy and contentment wash over us. Suddenly, I got a whiff of... The smell was now engulfing my delicate nostrils."'Fuck! Can you smell burning?' I shout." Let me now explain. In the throes of passion, my good black lace knickers had somehow landed on one of the tea lights and were now smouldering away. Grabbing one of the pillows off the bed, I smothered the tiny flames, praying the smoke detector wouldn't go off. I'm totally gutted my beautiful scanties are now wholly ruined. What a dilemma. Here I am, knickerless, in Glasgow, in January. Baltic would be an understatement. Not forgetting the other small matter of the singed pillow. The ruined pillow was easy to solve. Inside the wardrobe were two spare pillows in a plastic bag. We shamefully swapped the pillows around. I felt guilty for a while imagining some weary traveller who would open the spare pillow bag to discover our secret. We left the hotel feeling so ridiculously happy, holding hands and grinning like two naughty kids. The crisp, chilly air made us gasp. He wrapped me in his warm embrace and all thoughts of cold evaporated. Walking along the icy streets, we laughed non-stop about what had just transpired. From our first hello, the world as we knew it faded. We were now a couple. We were happy and so content. It was as if we'd known each other our whole lives. We were so in tune. We were ready to embrace our future together. I could hardly wait. He told me all often that he'd love me from hello how did I get to be so lucky am I dreaming I asked myself this over and over again I felt so young wanted sexy and so alive he was exemplary intelligent caring loving and so so much more he often traveled for work and we continued to message and chat all day every day waking up to his good morning messages was food for my starving soul we were so close emotionally and every minute together when he returned our time together was just so intoxicating it was as if we were in our own little bubble he was my drug and I craved my fix more and more as Robert Palmer sang addicted to love I fell hard our feelings were mutual he often told me that he loved me from hello I had never experienced feelings like this before six months after our first encounter we returned to our favorite seafood restaurant Only to find it closed. Undeterred, he got down on one knee. Intrigue passes by, cheered and egged him on. Grinning shyly, he said, will you marry me? Yes. Yes! Yes! I squealed. There was no ring, but I didn't mind. I was ecstatic. My jaw ached from smiling and excitement. I'm so in love. Love, love. He hastily explained that he didn't have time to buy a ring. He promised we would shop for one together. I felt exhilarated. All the unknowns, hopes, dreams and plans for our future together were coming to fruition. Our time together was always one huge adventure. How did I get to be so lucky? He was so thoughtful, kind and considerate. He would often drive 120 miles round trip just to bring me lunch or say hello. This memory springs to mind. The children's charity I founded, which he was a trustee of, was nominated for a prestigious award. We were thrilled to receive an invite to the fabulous Black Tie Awards night. I wore a figure hugging purple velvet Amanda Wakeley floor length gown that cascaded beautifully to the floor. The colour complimented my pale Celtic skin and the luxuriously soft fabric clung to my curves. I felt so elegant, glamorous and alive. I stood there admiring my reflection in the mirror. We were both super excited and hugged as we waited for our taxi to arrive. Finally, we're at our destination. Getting out of the taxi onto the crisp frost sprinkle pavement. Horror or horrors. I went over on my ankle and the heel of my silver jeweled sandal broke. Undeterred I said to him I'm fine I'll just go barefoot. It was a bitterly cold November evening and he would have none of it. He ordered the taxi driver to take us to the nearest shop that sold ladies shoes. At this time of night the only store open in the area was Asda or Walmart. He ran into the shop and and emerged several minutes later, proudly holding up the ugliest sandals I've ever seen. Thank God my dress would hide them. It was such a gallant, touching thing to do, and I loved him even more. From that minute on, he was my Prince Charming. This feeling was phenomenal. How did I get to be so lucky? We ran into the venue, holding hands and laughing like teenagers. He kissed my forehead and went off to find us some programmes. When I entered the Grand Hall, my heart danced with excitement. I took a flute of French champagne from one of the tall glass tables and gulped it down in one, the bubbles tickling my nose. That's better. I needed something to steady my nerves. Soft classical music played softly in the background as I moved confidently across the room, nodding and smiling to fellow nominees. Good luck to you. And you, good luck. The atmosphere was electric, filled with anticipation, laughter and tension. Once I reached my group of people I could breathe again. My friend thrust another welcome glass of fizz into my eager hand and I swallowed it nervously. Cheers, cheers everyone. Everyone in that room deserved an award for their dedication. Our charity had poured countless hours into its mission, making a massive difference to the lives of those in dire straits. Now we stood on the cusp of recognition, an award that would elevate our efforts to great heights. I just knew we were going to win. I could feel it. I could take it. Giggling more from nerves than fun, I said, to us and to all our hard work, raising my glass. This award has our name on it, I said. Just then, I felt someone's eyes staring into my back as I turned round. There he was. Our eyes locked in a knowing smile. He looked magnificent, exuding male magnetism that was hard to ignore. There's something totally irresistible and alluring about a man in Highland dress. The cotton combination of ruggedness and elegance, and maybe because I knew he was a true Scot. Or, already, I knew that he wasn't wearing anything under his kilt. My heart raced and my cheeks reddened at the thought. He was delicious. The way he carried himself with confidence and undeniable charm. He was seductive. He swung over to our group, took my elbow, and asked, are you ready? He then escorted me to my seat in the auditorium. The energy of the evenings fueled my spirit and with him by my side. I felt the huge undeniable connection brewing. It was more than just the thrill of the award. Surrounded by laughter, friends and shared purpose, it was intoxicating. I was so in love with this magnificent specimen. He was now working abroad when I had moved into his house. I paid off his mortgage and set about renovating his drab house. Month by month, I injected a little soul into the sad, uncared for abode I completely transformed it. After six months of hard work, working sometimes 14, 16 hours a day, my magic touch paid off. It now resembled something out of Home and Garden magazine, a truly stunning, comfortable family home. I was delighted to have created a unique space that was now truly ours. We continued to speak every day. I would fly to be with him once a month and he would fly back to Scotland every three weeks Such happy, content moments. I felt so at peace, so complete. We had such fun together. The inner child really left the room and we found joy in the simplest things. We made a massive list of adventures and plans for our future together. Our bucket list was extensive. Where would we travel next? Where would we live? Writing down all our dreams. Oh, was this happening? Wow, just wow. I needed to pinch myself often. How did I get to be so lucky I had worked hard my entire life and when he said I want to look after you and protect you I don't want you to work anymore this was music to my ears and I eagerly agreed I adored this beautiful human and I wanted to give back I wanted to be a housewife for the first time and look after this darling angel man how did I get to be so lucky our life together was so unique our laughter so genuine so spontaneous our feelings for each other grew more and more with each passing day. One night he calls me bursting with excitement. He had an offer for an incredible job abroad with a long contract. He says we should marry as soon as possible, explaining it would make my application for a visa so much simpler. I was overjoyed. We tell all our family and friends the happy news. When I told my mum my plans, I was perplexed. I instantly felt she was uncomfortable and a horrible foreboding enveloped me. I pushed all these emotions down, down, down. Mum called me a few days later. She expressed her concerns about my future union, saying that in her opinion, each time I was in his presence, it was as if I was always on urge. I got very defensive and told mum that I was ecstatic, that I was so in love and that he was incredible and kind. I said, mum. Just be happy for me. I'm a big girl now. I felt so let down. Why can't she be happy for me? I booked the church and a small boutique hotel restaurant for the wedding reception. I was getting married. I felt giddy. The big day was fast approaching and excitement bubbles through every pore of my being. I did all the wedding planning and organising myself. I wasn't my element. Our matching wedding bands arrive. I take them from their exquisite pack It's bad luck to put them on before the ceremony, but I couldn't help it. I put his ring on top of mine. They fit precisely inside one another, a sign of perfection. I decided to write my own wedding vows, feeling this would be more intimate and honest. We travelled down to the venue the day before the wedding. A few family members and friends will join us late afternoon to finalise all the last minute details of our soiree. We visit the priest who will marry us and review the ceremony's details again. He's a dear old friend of mine. He takes me to one side and says quietly are you absolutely certain you want to go through with the wedding it's not too late you know I'm astonished first mum now you yes I'm more than happy I hiss back why can't you just be happy for me I adore him he's fantastic he's incredible in every way I was crying inside I felt so hurt we had a fabulous late lunch laughing and planning our future together I noticed he was knocking back the alcohol now friends and family have joined us for the pre-wedding celebrations, everyone's excited and laughing and our spirits are very high. It's now 11pm and I quietly suggest we go up to bed. He told me, one more drink, I'll join you soon. I hug and kiss all my friends and family, goodnight! And I retire to my room. I instantly fell into a dreamless sleep. I was asleep when I heard him staggering into the room in the wee small hours. He kissed my cheek and I could smell his boozy breath. I drifted How did I get to be so lucky? Our wedding day is here. I wake up at 7 a.m. Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. I'm euphoric. I'm on cloud nine. Today I get to marry my very best friend, my Mr. Wonderful, my Prince Charming. I nudge him gently. Rise and shine, rise and shine. Let's go down to breakfast. I'm starving and I need my coffee fix. He looks very hungover and grey. Give me 10 minutes. I will shower. hour first. You go down and I'll join you. I walked or did I bounce down the tart and carpeted stairs into the small breakfasting room, expecting the smell of delicious bacon and freshly brewed coffee. Instead I see the two stony-faced hotel owners. Good morning, I said, instantly sensing tension. They looked very agitated and my stomach churned. Please sit down, they said in unison. I felt so uncomfortable. My palms began to sweat I swallowed down the lump in my throat and sat down as ordered a bead of sweat formed in my upper lip I tried to smile the owners then announced in a quiet steely voice we want you to leave our establishment immediately there will be no wedding reception at our hotel today how the fuck did I get this so wrong I would love your feedback and to hear from you. You can email me at