Episode 5 ....Mirror Mirror On The Wall ..Feelings ..Toxic Behaviour..

Feelings...and Toxic Behaviours..

I would Love To Hear From You...

Email... sleeplessingranada@yahoo.com

Transcript

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Hello everyone and a huge big Scottish welcome. Sleepless in Granada, episode 5. I've had a really busy day doing admin and I absolutely detest it. I'm not very good at it and I think that's the reason why I hate it so much. It's been really hot here today. But now I'm relaxing on the couch with a huge goblet filled with crushed ice, gin and tonic and a slice of lime. Mmm, so refreshing. Let's dive straight in. Do you know we don't attract abusers? We were trained to tolerate them. If your childhood taught you that your needs don't matter, that love must be earned, that silence keeps you safe, you weren't set up for love, you were set up for abuse. Let's get out of the habit of telling people, well, it's still your mum, that's still your brother, your sister, your auntie. et cetera, et cetera. Toxic is toxic. Let that sink in for a minute. Whether it's family or not, you're allowed to walk away from people who constantly hurt you. You're allowed to walk away from people who abuse you. You're allowed to walk away from people who don't love you. You're allowed to say no, no, no, no more. You're allowed to create boundaries. We all have our breaking points, so please stop encouraging people to deal with toxicity and drama. You're not a people pleaser, you're a parent pleaser. Shall I say that again? The people pleasing started in childhood and you were trained to be one. You were conditioned to fight for approval of your parents, to do what they expected of you, just to be loved. Many times you had to try and break free from these ties that bound us, free from the toxic conditioning. But that's not easy because it's so deeply ingrained in our subconscious mind that it becomes our default behaviour without us even realising it. Start saying no. Start pleasing yourself. It's so freeing. As a child, I'm the oldest of five, I often felt unseen and unheard. I poured myself into others in the hope that one day someone would pour into me. I was the nurturer, the fixer, the caregiver, always giving without limits and never really expecting anything in return, but always deep, deep down, hoping, hoping that someone will do the same for me. The things that happened to you hurt. The things they said to break you did. They broke your heart. They destroyed your soul. The abuse you endured at their hands and their mouth and you suffered in silence. Listen to me. You're not crazy. You lived through trauma, pain and unbelievable hurt that has changed you forever. That's what makes you a warrior. Born in a mess. that we call life. A fighter with a memoir of scars. I should know I am that woman. I'm a survivor and so are you. Let's talk briefly about emotions. At school and at home I was never taught about emotions and feelings. I've listed some and I'll tell you what I've learned. Anger. Anger is energy with a purpose. It builds when something challenges our values, disrespects our boundaries and disrupts our sense of justice. Instead of letting it take over, turn it into change. Guilt. Guilt is a sign that our actions don't align with our values. Let it guide us, not punish us. Frustration. Frustration is a feeling of being stuck between effort and outcome. It's a sign that something isn't working. Either shift your approach or your expectations. Overthinking. Overthinking is our brain searching for control and uncertainty. Trust that you can handle what comes instead of exhausting yourself trying to control it. Grief Grief is love with nowhere to go. Let yourself feel it. Trying to push it away only makes it heavier. Fear Fear is a sign that your mind is trying to protect you. but not everything unfamiliar is dangerous. Learn to tell the difference between a real threat and discomfort that leads to growth. Sadness. Sadness is your mind slowing down to catch up with what's happening. Letting yourself feel isn't a weakness, it's processing. Loneliness. Loneliness is craving for connection. A nudge to reconnect with those who make you feel seen and understood. Disappointment. Disappointment is a sign that something didn't meet our expectations. Adjust, don't shut down. Boredom. Boredom is unused creative energy. It's not that it's nothing to do, it's that your brain wants something meaningful. Envy. Envy isn't about wanting what someone else has, it's about feeling like you just can't have it. Instead of comparing, ask yourself what's actually stopping you. Empathy burnout is real. After years and years of putting others first, forgiving people, pleasing and constantly trying to understand why someone hurt you, you hit a wall. You keep showing up for the people who never did the same, and now you're emotionally drained. So when those people come back acting like nothing's happened, you just don't have the energy to care. You're not bitter. You've just outgrown the part of you that used to be so overextended. You gave so much for so long. And now you finally realise that peace feels better than forcing connections with people that simply don't care. This is a piece of writing by Britt Frank. Trauma is what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you. And healing is not about fixing what's wrong with you. It's about remembering who you were before the world taught you how to forget. And now a piece from a memoir. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Just as I was leaving the bathroom, I startled. I was staring into the greenest, saddest eyes I had ever seen. The depth of dejection took me aback. Somehow they reflected my abject misery. This woman stared right at me. Her soul was weighed down by hurt and she yearned for reassurance. I desperately wanted to make her laugh out loud, to lift her sullen scowl. She looked so vulnerable, lonesome and in need of a friend. I longed to hug her, encourage her. I held her gaze spellbound. A solitary tear escaped and rolled down her pale cheek. I watched her fascinated. Stepping closer, impulsively, I reached up to wipe it away. Just then I realised my fingers had stroked the cold, damp mirror. You did this to me, I whispered to my reflection. Why do I continue to hurt myself, I asked this woman, staring defiantly back at me, our eyes locked in a silent conversation, brimming with hidden wounds I could barely hear her appeal. Please help me, she implored. Please, give me the strength, bravery and courage. I'll do it this time. I'll leave. Then came her soft hiss. If you want to see the one who hurt and betrayed you, continue looking in the mirror. Look into the soul of the human staring back at you. She has all the answers. Ask her why. I felt a torrent of emotion wash over me. I realised the woman I was staring at was me. Tears soaked my face, agony seeped into my core and my soul fragmented. The woman in the mirror stood stock still, silently watching as my tears fell freely. Sting saline, cheeks now soaking wet, the anguish hurt me so profoundly that my spirit and my soul's heart was smashed into minuscule pieces. You will do this. Thank you for listening. I'd love to hear from you. Email sleeplessingranada at yahoo.com Episode 6 to follow shortly.