How to Be a Man of God Today: Joby Martin’s Practical Guide for Men

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Are you searching for what it really means to be a man of faith in today's world? 
Wondering how to become a better leader in your home, church, or community? 
Looking for actionable steps to strengthen your faith, relationships, and purpose as a man?

Dive into this powerful episode of the MOI Podcast featuring Joby Martin, author and pastor, as he unpacks what true biblical manhood looks like in our modern culture. Drawing from his new book, "Stand Firm and Act Like Men," Joby tackles the crisis of masculinity today, debunks cultural misconceptions, and shares practical, scripturally rooted advice for men wanting to step up in their faith, leadership, and families.

In this honest, wisdom-packed conversation, you'll learn:

How to define and pursue godly manhood rooted in Scripture (1 Corinthians 16:13-14)

Why strong men are essential for thriving families, churches, and communities

The importance of banding together with other men for mentorship and accountability

How to balance strength, love, and service in every area of your life

Real-life examples and steps for becoming a provider, protector, and servant leader

Whether you're in your 20s, leading a young family, or a seasoned mentor, this episode will inspire and equip you to stand firm, lead courageously, and build a legacy that lasts.

#BiblicalManhood #ChristianMen #LeadershipDevelopment #MenOfFaith #FamilyLeadership #MensMinistry #PersonalGrowth

Transcript

Joby Martin [00:00:00]:
I mean, did you ever think, seriously, 10 years ago, did you think there'd be an entire documentary just called what Is a Woman? And college professors couldn't answer it, or Supreme Court justices could not answer the question. There are many, many, many wonderful men's books out there, many written by people way smarter than me. They talk a lot about sociology and psychology. All I'm doing is telling men what the Bible says manhood is. That's all it is. It's rooted in First Corinthians 16, 13, and 14. Be watchful. Stand firm in the faith. Act in, be strong. Let all you do be done in love.

Speaker B [00:00:36]:
Hey, guys. Welcome back to the Men of Iron podcast. At Men of Iron, we want you to thrive in your core five. That's your faith, your family, your friends, your fitness, and your finances. And today, we have a special guest on our podcast. We're super excited to have Joby Martin back on the pod. Joby, welcome.

Joby Martin [00:00:51]:
Thanks, man. Thanks for having me.

Speaker B [00:00:52]:
Joby, you were on our pod a couple months ago, and we got really exposed to a lot of guys that have given us a ton of feedback about how much they appreciate you, how much you've impacted them. So we just appreciate what you've done for our audience. Excited to have another conversation.

Joby Martin [00:01:06]:
Well, that's very kind. Yeah, man, for having me back, for sure.

Speaker B [00:01:09]:
So you have a new book coming out. I believe by the time this is released, it'll be out already.

Joby Martin [00:01:14]:
Okay.

Speaker B [00:01:14]:
All right. The book's called Stand Firm and Act Like Men.

Speaker C [00:01:17]:
Correct.

Speaker B [00:01:17]:
I would love to hear you just dig into why you want to have that book come out right now and why it's important for where we're at today.

Joby Martin [00:01:25]:
Well, you know, for a book to hit the shelf, it started about two years ago, and we are in a manhood crisis. I mean, did you ever think, seriously, 10 years ago, did you think there'd be an entire documentary just called what is a Woman? And college professors couldn't answer it, or Supreme Court justices could not answer the question. They would dodge the question. Go. Well, I'm not a biologist. A three year old can tell the difference between moms and dads with 100% accuracy. Unless they're. Somebody's trying to trick them and play dress up. Right? So we. We're just. We're in crazy town, man.

Speaker C [00:01:58]:
We.

Joby Martin [00:01:59]:
We've lost our mind. We're in Looney tunes. So there are many, many, many wonderful men's books out there, many written by people way smarter than me. They talk a lot about sociology and psychology. All I'm doing is telling men what the Bible says manhood is. That's all it is. It's rooted in 1 Corinthians 16, 13, and 14. Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong, let all you do be done in love. And the way I see it is that phrase act like men is like the hub in the middle of the wheel. And those imperatives around it are how we are to act like that. And so I just spent a couple hundred pages unpacking what the Bible says it means to act like a man of God.

Speaker B [00:02:40]:
Do you think there's a. A shift happening that you can see now? Like, do you think we're coming out of that period of confusion?

Joby Martin [00:02:46]:
Yeah. And my warning, though, is we don't want to over.

Speaker B [00:02:48]:
Yeah. Yep.

Joby Martin [00:02:50]:
Because, I mean, life is a series of over corrections. There's an old Scottish proverb that I love a ton. For every mile of road, there's two miles of ditch. And so one ditch when it comes to manhood and missing the mark would be abdication. Right. We talk way more about rights and responsibilities. Men get lazy. I mean, look at what happened to King David, right? When kings are. When it's time for kings to be out at war, he's sitting on the couch, everything goes bad for him. We live in a society that doesn't have any kind of rite of passage. You don't even know what a man is. And so it takes a man to bestow manhood upon a boy. And since we don't have that, we got boys trying to bestow manhood upon other boys. So it's just defined by consumerism. Well, you are right, in my opinion, at least the last couple years, there's like the return of the alpha male. You know, even Joe Rogan's going to church now. But then the problem is everybody thinks, oh, well, I'm going to be a man, so I'm just gonna lift weights and get tattoos and fight in jiu jitsu and go hunting and drive a big truck. Now I do all those things, and it doesn't. None of those things make me a man. It makes me awesome, but it doesn't make me a man. And so what we gotta make sure that we do is look to the scriptures to define for us what manhood is. Regardless of what your hobbies are, to be a man is to be a provider, protector, prophet, priest and servant, king according to the scriptures. And so I think. I think the pendulum switch, you know, shifting the way it is, is better than A bunch of bearded guys in dresses mocking the Lord's supper at the Olympics. But if it just swings way over here, then we're going to miss it again. Because men will think manhood is just defined by how much testosterone they have or how much they can bench press or something dumb like that.

Speaker B [00:04:37]:
How do you think churches are helping with that process? Are we helping? Are we hurting? Right. We missed the mark a lot.

Joby Martin [00:04:42]:
I think it's getting better. I do think there's, it's getting a lot better. But historically over the last call it hundred years, yeah, in the evangelical church it's been a real problem. I mean all kind of denominations have their own problem. But the example I use is this, man. If I put on one of my shirts, I typically wear like a, a button down flannel, right? And if I put it on, I look fine. I don't look great, I can't do great, but I'm fine. And if my wife puts on a blouse, she looks great. If I get home today and my wife has on my flannel, she looks great. If I put on her blouse, it's not great. The church has been like a woman's blouse for the last hundred years.

Speaker C [00:05:22]:
Wow. Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:05:23]:
Because to most men it says, it thinks that the 11th Commandment is be nice. And so it just says, come in, sit down, be quiet, be compliant. We're going to sit in circles, talk about our feelings, we're going to sing real girly songs to Jesus. The only place of service around here is you can maybe rock a baby or sing in the choir. And a bunch of dudes are like, I don't think I want to check my testicles to follow after Jesus. And you don't have to. It was God's idea that he would make you a man. So I do think lots and lots of churches have gotten a lot better over the years. And a part of it was just, honestly, it was just pragmatism. I mean all the sociological research will just tell you you reach dad and the percent chance that everybody else's disciples through the roof. But that's about creation order. It's not about sociology. That's about creation order. Because when men lead and love, well, everybody flourishes. When a strong godly man walks in the room, nobody's scared or scarce. They feel secure and safe. Right? I mean, when Elijah calls down fire and it burns up the bulls, and then he slaughters 850 false prophets, all the people say, they actually say his name. Elijah. Elijah. The Lord is God. And so When Jesus clears the temple, it was only the people that were out of step with God that were afraid, because immediately a crowd follows. And then he begins to explain what just happened. And so when men lead and love the way the scriptures call us, the lead and love, then the people under our stewardship flourish. And so you see that in a lot of churches. Yeah, I know.

Speaker B [00:07:03]:
It's one of the things we encourage, our partnership churches. So we work with churches to invest in men. And one of the things we say is what you just said. When you invest in the men, it pays off dividends much higher than when you focus in every other area of the church. It's not that you need to neglect everybody else.

Joby Martin [00:07:17]:
I don't know. Well, who needs the most help?

Speaker C [00:07:19]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:07:19]:
I mean, do you really think the problem in church in the last 2000 years is the women?

Speaker C [00:07:22]:
Huh?

Joby Martin [00:07:23]:
No, dude. From the empty tomb until today.

Speaker C [00:07:25]:
Right.

Joby Martin [00:07:25]:
I know Jesus is the head, but the women, the praying mamas in the church have been the backbone of the church. Look at any prayer meeting. You think it's all dudes? No, man. So in fact, this year at 11:22, we just called it this. The entire year we're focused on men standing up and acting like men. I have received exactly zero complaints from women. Zero.

Speaker C [00:07:45]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:07:46]:
One, we actually have godly women here, and we have women that love. There's some dude they love, whether it's their husband or their son or their dad, and they want him to stand firm and act like a man. And so that's what we do here.

Speaker B [00:07:59]:
So you have. You have a prayer meeting for guys. And that's new this year, you're saying we just.

Joby Martin [00:08:03]:
We did it for seven weeks. We were studying the life of Elijah for seven.

Speaker B [00:08:06]:
Okay.

Joby Martin [00:08:07]:
So for seven Tuesday mornings at 6am at this campus. And we have a campus in Georgia. It's the only two places we offered it because I didn't want to put it online.

Speaker B [00:08:16]:
Sure.

Joby Martin [00:08:16]:
Because I want to be able to get up and show up. Sure. And all it was just Bibles and black coffee. It's all we had. We had about 1500 men show up to everyone.

Speaker C [00:08:25]:
It's awesome.

Joby Martin [00:08:26]:
We broke the traffic patterns over here out front of the church and mess. Mayo Clinic.

Speaker B [00:08:31]:
Too early for all those people to be out there.

Joby Martin [00:08:33]:
Dude, it was crazy. I mean, it was. You know, I didn't expect.

Speaker C [00:08:36]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:08:36]:
The first one we had scheduled in the room over here, that seat about 200 people. I was going to put everybody in a table, sit around in circles, connect with each other. But we weren't able to. We had to meet in the worship center cuz we had.

Speaker B [00:08:47]:
So a guy listening to you, a pastor listening to you being like, yeah, actually my church is pretty effeminate right now. We need to fix this. What do you tell them to do? Where do they start? What do they do?

Joby Martin [00:08:54]:
The mirror. Okay, just look in the mirror.

Speaker B [00:08:57]:
So start with yourself.

Joby Martin [00:08:58]:
Can you say what Paul says in 1 Corinthians 11, 1, Follow me as I follow Christ.

Speaker C [00:09:03]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:09:05]:
So like, you know, are you the provider, the protector, the prophet, priest and servant, king at your house? Just start right there. The last thing you need to do is go like, listen to these hyper masculine preachers like me, I'm one of those dudes. And then begin to mimic.

Speaker C [00:09:21]:
Right.

Joby Martin [00:09:22]:
That is not what pretend. No, man, that's the worst thing in the world. I mean, because real men will smell it like a fart in a car, dude. You'll be like, what is he even doing? You know?

Speaker C [00:09:29]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:09:30]:
So you got to be yourself. And then you're not trying to promote a caricature of manhood, you're just trying to preach the scripture on what being a man is. And you should call men to what the Bible calls us to. That's it. That's it. So you don't have to go get sleeve tattoos. I mean, look, we have them. Okay. I do think you should look at your life, your whole life. Jesus said the greatest commandment. He quotes the Shema, which I heard like four of the five things in your intro that you should love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. So are you. Do you have a, a band of brothers around you that are helping you be godly? What's your walk with Christ like? Is it just a thing you're doing on the weekends? Or are you serious about this? Are you loving him with all of your mind? Like, do you have your, your thoughts focused on him? And then physically, are you worth following? And so I would first look in the mirror and then make no apologies about it. Just go for it. Just go for it.

Speaker C [00:10:28]:
Yeah.

Speaker D [00:10:28]:
Have you seen any of the, the older fellas like myself that in the church now around here having a resurgence of the realization and awareness that these young guys are really watching? Because we've seen on the, on the west coast, over on the other side of Florida, a lot of younger men are looking for that example, and they come to church and even ask about it. And we've seen some of the, the older guys kind of wake up. But I feel like it's been suppressed almost in them and in the past decade.

Joby Martin [00:11:01]:
So me and a bunch of my buddies planted this church in 2012. It got real big, real fast. And, you know, it's a very young church as compared to most churches. And, dude, I would crawl over a young family to get to some gray heads. And from the stage and from the very beginning, yeah, I just made it very, very clear that we just didn't want to be a bunch of 20 year olds in a room. The concentration of that much ignorance in one place is terrifying. So from the very beginning, we have been inviting our senior adults and older folks. You know, it's kind of a relative term. I mean, I'm, I'm. I'll be 52 in a couple days. So the three years ago, we started a senior adult ministry with the express purpose that they wouldn't waste their life. We got like the nursing home version of it that's like the varsity and then there's like the JV senior adults. And it's like, all right, if you get to play from the senior TE's, you got more experience, probably got more resources, you got more time than you've ever had in your life. Please. And I'm stealing this from Dr. Piper. Don't waste your life. Don't spend the rest of your life collecting seashells. Get in the game. Our. Our folks do. We've also got a ministry we call 1825 for 18 to 25 year olds. And we tell them, this is Not Youth Group 2.0.

Speaker C [00:12:11]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:12:11]:
This is to find your place in the Great Commission. Over the summer, we merge the two and we do this Bible study where thousands of 18 to 25 year olds show up and what they want is grandparents.

Speaker C [00:12:25]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:12:26]:
And so the old people need the young people for the energy, and the young people need the old people for the wisdom. And what we see here is nothing but mutual admiration.

Speaker C [00:12:35]:
Love it.

Joby Martin [00:12:35]:
You don't have the old people just like going, you kids these days. Because every generation said that. And you don't have the 18 year olds thinking that the old guys are out to lunch. They want to be around them.

Speaker C [00:12:46]:
That's good.

Joby Martin [00:12:46]:
So we have facilitated that, and I think that's happening all over the place. At least that want and need. But our church has also seen it modeled. I mean, we have actual legit old guy elders here.

Speaker B [00:12:58]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:12:59]:
And so they hear me talk about these guys that are all, you know, 20, 25 years older than me. Listen, before in the Bible, before the New Testament church started using the Term elder as an official role, it just meant the oldest guy in the tribe.

Speaker C [00:13:14]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:13:14]:
In fact, in Hebrew, the word for elder and beard are the same thing. So like, if you don't, if you're not old enough to grow one, I don't think you can be one yet. All right. Those little kids riding around where their ties on the bicycles, those aren't elders. Okay. I don't know. There's else. So our church from the very beginning has known that even though we're staff led, we're elder governed, We've had a group of old dudes that oversee and protect and provide for our whole church. So it's been modeled from the very beginning.

Speaker C [00:13:42]:
That's good. Yeah, that's good.

Joby Martin [00:13:45]:
I know.

Speaker D [00:13:45]:
Well, that's what we've seen. Some of the guys are. It's almost like they've been in a stupor, a spiritual stupor or asleep.

Joby Martin [00:13:54]:
Well, there's been such an emphasis in the church growth craze.

Speaker C [00:13:58]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:13:58]:
For like, you got to reach young families. And listen, 1122 is a movement for all people to discover and deeper. So again, we, we have, we have a lot of young people here. But what I tell all of our young guys, because here's the problem. Okay. If you're an old dude, first of all, you don't know it. You know what I mean? Like, I'm 52, but I don't feel old.

Speaker C [00:14:20]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:14:21]:
When I see a 20 year old, I don't just feel like a grandpa or whatever.

Speaker C [00:14:25]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:14:25]:
And so very few people feel qualified. But you know what you need? You need to listen to me more, you know? And so I encourage all of our dudes in their 20s, go find a man, an older guy with a worn out Bible and a smiling wife.

Speaker C [00:14:42]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:14:43]:
And say, can I take you to lunch once a month or breakfast? And I just got questions about. And, and dude, I love the Bible. If you hear me preach, you know, I love the Bible. I love, love, love, love. And I'm not even talking about doing a Bible study. I'm talking about doing old school, first century discipleship. You come with a list of questions about money and marriage and kids, forgiveness and finances and all of these things. And just go, will you help me?

Speaker C [00:15:09]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:15:10]:
So I. When I was 30, I was probably 35 years old and I was working at Beach Church right down the road. The church that planted us. Okay. The reason we exist is my pastor, Pastor Jerry Sweat gave us his blessing and helped us plant this church so we wouldn't be here without him. And I just got invited to the adult meetings at church. I was the youth pastor. You know, I'm 35. I just start. They saw some leadership potential, so they invite me to like a finance meeting or something. I was like, what am I doing in here? And so there's a guy named Lars Peterson. And he talked at the meeting. I never met him before. And at the end of the meeting, I thought, that's the smartest guy in the room. It's not even close. It's not even close. I walked up immediately to him and I said, hey, Mr. Lars, I'm Joby. He goes, I know who you are. And I go, okay, would you take me to breakfast every other week? And he's like, what do you mean me take you? I was like, well, I'm a youth pastor. I can't afford breakfast. But I think you, based on your loafers, I think you could afford it. He laughed. And we just started meeting.

Speaker C [00:16:09]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:16:09]:
Little did I know he would be the founding chairman of the board of elders.

Speaker C [00:16:13]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:16:14]:
And so maybe it's my sports. It's probably more my sports background than my Bible background, but I've always wanted a coach.

Speaker C [00:16:22]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:16:23]:
In my life, you know, and so the man that doesn't think that he needs a coach, Tom Brady had a coach. Tiger Wood has like, you know, seven coaches. Everybody's got a coach. So why wouldn't you, why wouldn't you go find somebody and say, hey, will you help me?

Speaker C [00:16:39]:
Yeah.

Speaker B [00:16:40]:
That's the core of what we do. Like we, we exist to push guys into one on one mentorships. And we always tell guys, you need a guy who's just one or two seasons ahead of you. You don't have to be perfect. You have to help. And it's always, take your faith seriously, watch your faith grow and deal with all the other things as they come. You talk about that a little bit in the book for sure. Dr. Paul, is he one of those guys for you as well?

Joby Martin [00:16:58]:
He's an elder.

Speaker B [00:16:58]:
Can you, can you dig into your relationship? Because you allude to Dr. Paul a little bit, but it's not in the book.

Joby Martin [00:17:03]:
Dr. Paul is 91 years old. He was a founding elder, is a founding el Church of 1122. When I was planting the church, I was just trying to, like, I was just trying to read the New Testament. And when you start as a non denominational church, it's so. I mean, there's, there's lights and shadows. One of the lights is there's no denominational baggage. You don't you don't inherit any committees or whatever. So I just read it and said, okay. The Bible talks about pastors, elders, deacons. We're going to have those because these are the words. That's what we're going to do. And I'm just looking for qualified men. I never thought he'd say yes. And I just was watching him serve on mission trips with me, invited him to be an elder. And he's done some amazing things. He was the dean of the school of medicine at lsu. I mean, a long time ago, he helped start a couple medical schools. Now he starts medical clinics in Africa. Like, he's going to Malawi next month to stand up another one. And one time we had this elder meeting, and all the other elders got so mad at me because they were like, we need you to talk to Dr. Paul. And he can't go on mission trips anymore because he's getting too old. I'm like, were you afraid he's gonna die? He's gonna die. I don't know if you know this, but the death rate in Jacksonville hovers right around 100%. How do you want him to go out sitting in a nursing home? So we had to fight that one out. But he. He's just that old guy that is got a lot of gas left in the tank, and he's going to spend. He's going to do what Paul says. I'm going to just pour my life out. I'm going to finish the race. I'm going to fight the good fight. And so he's just been an elder in my life that has spoken into my life and pointed out all kinds of things I need to do better and affirmed a whole lot of things. One of the coolest things ever. The church was 5 years old, and so Dr. Paul was like, 84 or something. And the elders are doing an annual review. My, like, you know, they're all. They're all boomers. They love paperwork and annual reviews and all that stuff. So we're in this. We're doing this thing, and it's going good. And he looks at me and he goes, thank you for the best five years of my entire life.

Speaker C [00:19:12]:
Wow.

Joby Martin [00:19:13]:
And that. That was ages. Like, 80 to 84 again. He had been the dean of the school of medicine at lsu. That's a really big deal. He was a neuroscientist brain doctor. And he was saying, of all the things I've ever done, I think he started the medical school at Tulane. I think, like, he founded it. Like he. He's done things and he was saying the best, the most rewarding thing he's ever put his hand to or these last five years. And now it's been the last 13 years that our church has been alive. Yeah. So for the old guys listening, man, stay in the game, bro. Yeah, I want to go out on the field.

Speaker C [00:19:50]:
Yeah, man.

Joby Martin [00:19:50]:
You know, I mean, I want to go out, carry me out on a shield.

Speaker C [00:19:54]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:19:54]:
I do not want to waste away in some little air conditioned room.

Speaker D [00:19:57]:
Yeah, we were talking about that today, actually. My mom, we were talking about, she. I talked with her yesterday. She hadn't been feeling real good last couple days. She's 86, just got back from mission, doing missions, serving in a kitchen and cleaning for a camp in New Mexico.

Joby Martin [00:20:16]:
Praise God.

Speaker D [00:20:17]:
And still at it, hitting it hard, you know, And I'm like, that's, that's. I hope I got those genetics, you know, because I want to be on the field playing hard when my time comes.

Speaker C [00:20:28]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:20:29]:
The pursuit of comfort is not a biblical value.

Speaker C [00:20:31]:
Right.

Joby Martin [00:20:31]:
It's an American value and I love America, but boy, there's some, again, lights and shadows. Some things we got. Really? Right? Yeah, like, like the autonomy of man as an image bearer of God. Boy, we got that one. The pursuit of happiness, which really means the, the pursuit of stuff and comfort.

Speaker C [00:20:47]:
Right, right.

Joby Martin [00:20:48]:
That's a bad one, right?

Speaker D [00:20:50]:
No, I was just going to say that to me, as the core and the heart of what we're trying to do at Men of Iron is to match up guys like this because I'm sure you could tell us probably a whole list of guys who thought about it throughout your life that made an impact and you might remember one thing they told you, but it made a huge impact on your life. And I've got a list of those guys too. But one of the things we do is a retreat called equilibrium. And every time I do 18 to 10 guys, it's the same thing. These guys are in their 30s to 40s to some 50, and they say, I wish I'd have had this when I was in my 20s. And so that's what we've been pressing into this year is going into the younger 18 to 28 year olds and saying, well, let's give it to them in their twenties and teach them that this is a lifestyle. As a Christian man, you should get used to this because you're going to learn and then you're going to teach and you're going to pass it on. Because that's the biblical model. As you grow you pass it on, you're a conduit.

Speaker C [00:21:53]:
Right.

Speaker D [00:21:53]:
And so that's what we're. We're trying to push in those five areas, the faith, family, friends, fitness, and finances. And I know you'd agree with me, those are some great places for opportunity, but also great places for problems and that come into a man's life. Those are some hard spots.

Joby Martin [00:22:10]:
But, yeah, one of the great things about being a Christian is that you don't have to be a black belt in a subject in order to teach it.

Speaker C [00:22:16]:
There you go. Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:22:17]:
You know, I mean, you're just saying, follow me as I follow Christ, and there's a whole bunch of areas where I've messed up.

Speaker C [00:22:23]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:22:24]:
And so may. And because there's only one of two ways to learn, right?

Speaker C [00:22:26]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:22:27]:
It's either. It's either somebody else's wisdom or your own experience.

Speaker C [00:22:30]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:22:31]:
Pretty much the whole book of Proverbs is like, hey, kid, how about learn from me so you don't have to ruin your life to learn the lessons that I've already learned.

Speaker D [00:22:37]:
So good.

Speaker C [00:22:38]:
Yeah.

Speaker B [00:22:39]:
You dig in towards the end of the book, you dig into 1 Corinthians 13. It was interesting. I was looking down over the table of contents. I'm like, there's a love chapter in this. Like, come on, what is this? But it's pretty good. The chapter's fantastic, where you share a lot of your own experiences with this, your own downfalls with this. Can you dig into some of what's in there?

Joby Martin [00:22:59]:
Yeah. Most people, when they do the first Corinthians 16 patches passage, they don't do the let all you do be done in love part. They just say, be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Period. But there's another verse. Let all that you do be done in love. So if you want to be a man, then everything you do is supposed to be driven by love. And so I'm a Bible guy, and I'm like, all right, well, the best way to study the Bible is let the Bible interpret itself. Well, you don't have to guess what love is. The preeminent text, it's just a few pages back. First Corinthians 13.

Speaker C [00:23:29]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:23:30]:
And it doesn't say, love is like this, that, or the other. It just says, love is. And it tells us what love is. It's patient, it's kind. It doesn't envy. It doesn't boast. It keeps no record of wrong. It's not easily irritated. It doesn't demand its own way it always hopes, it always trusts. It always perseveres. Love never fails. And then after describing what love is in that context, Paul says, when I was a child, I acted like a child, but when I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.

Speaker C [00:23:58]:
Right.

Joby Martin [00:23:59]:
That verse gets quoted out of context all the time. So here's what he's actually saying. When I was a child, I was impatient and I was envious, and I kept a record of wrong, and I demanded my own way, and I was easily irritable, and I was. And I gave up. Okay? So when I read that and studied that, I mean, this was years ago because I write most of my sermons from a tree stand. So when I got cell service, I called Gretchen, my wife, and I go, babe, I've got a confession. Which is a terrible way to start a conversation. I was like, hey, I got a confession. She's like, what's up? I go, I have not been loving you very well.

Speaker C [00:24:34]:
Wow.

Joby Martin [00:24:35]:
And she said, what are you talking about? You love me? I go, oh, I love you. Like, I got all the feelings, and you're real pretty, so I like to be with you all the time. Okay. But I haven't been loving you. She said, we'll talk about when you get home. I said, all right. So I pull in. She goes, what are you talking about? Let me ask you this. Do you think I'm patient and kind? And she goes, what else you got?

Speaker B [00:24:56]:
Give you a couple chances.

Joby Martin [00:24:58]:
So oftentimes, dudes think they're being tough because they're loud, they demand their own way, and you'll even use kind of Bible words like, I'm just standing on the truth. Yeah, you're actually acting like a toddler. That's what you're doing. You're throwing a fit like a baby. And when you grow up and be a man, you don't get to act like a baby.

Speaker C [00:25:17]:
Right.

Joby Martin [00:25:18]:
Yeah, you get to dress yourself as a servant and make yourself the lowest and serve and love your wife and your kids and your family. And you don't get to play. You know, some people, when they fight with their spouse, they get hysterical. A lot of dudes get historical, like, well, I remember back, you know, 10 years ago, this is what you did. And the Bible's like, no, you don't get to do that. You don't keep a record. Wrong. This is what it means to be a man. And he's not saying, like, when Paul tells us to act like men, he's not really saying, don't act like women. He's saying, don't act like a child because this is what children do. And so that's a little bit of the danger of the over correction. Like I've abdicated responsibility in my house and now I'm going to be so aggressive that it kind of borders on even abusive. And I'm going to start quoting a bunch of Bible verses that were written to wives. Bro, if you do that, the game is already over. You've lost. Shut up. That was the most difficult chapter to write and the most helpful thing I've done in a long time. The only reason I would say I'm not a hypocrite is because I have confessed my hypocrisy and I do not live up to this. Like I wish I did. And I could preach the paint off the walls about it and go home and just be a selfish child because I'm not getting what I want. I mean, that's what James says. What causes fights and quarrels among you. You want something, you don't get it.

Speaker B [00:26:39]:
Yep.

Joby Martin [00:26:40]:
That sounds silly when you say it like that. And I can go home and not get what I want and pout.

Speaker C [00:26:45]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:26:45]:
And Paul's like, yeah, way to go, toddler.

Speaker D [00:26:48]:
I think that's what I love about. I've heard you say several times that you've deputized Manta hold you accountable to those things.

Joby Martin [00:26:57]:
Yeah.

Speaker D [00:26:57]:
But in that. True that the intentionality and accountability is what we're after, right?

Speaker C [00:27:01]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:27:02]:
We call them Matt carriers around here because of Mark. Chapter two. There's a guy on a mat and he had four friends that would love him enough to tote him to Jesus. And even when they got there, they didn't make excuses. They made a difference. And so I tell Christian men all the time who are. Do you have four men in your life that when you find yourself on the mat. Because everybody's going to be on the mat.

Speaker C [00:27:21]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:27:22]:
Financially, emotionally, spiritually, relationally, something. Physically something's going to happen. And do you have mat carriers that will tote you to Jesus and they care more about you than what you think about them in that moment. Here's what's crazy about that text. This will mess up your theology because I know we're saved by grace through faith in Christ alone. Got it. But they tear a hole in that roof and Jesus sees the faith of the friends and says to the man, your sins are forgiven.

Speaker C [00:27:50]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:27:51]:
Okay. So do you have some dudes in your life and their faith is so strong when yours is weak that you can borrow Some of theirs for a little while. This is the image in Ephesians 6 of the Shield of Faith. You know, that's like 300 the movie. They would lock those things together so that if your brother fell down, the flaming arrows wouldn't. You wouldn't get taken out because your brother's shield of faith would cover you. Yeah, Christian friendship is like a retirement account. If you wait till you need it to build it, it's over, bro. You ain't got it. Yeah, the amount of men, they're like, well, well, I'm not going to go to disciple group or whatever, whatever your church calls it, because, you know, I'm doing pretty good. Well, okay, first of all, you're an idiot. Secondly, maybe it's not all about you. What if somebody else needs your wisdom? Because obviously you got it all figured out. And then what are you going to do when it does hit the fan one day? Who you gonna call?

Speaker C [00:28:43]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:28:45]:
And if in the Garden of Gethsemane, this, this messes with me too. First time it really hit me, I was at the Garden of Gethsemane in Israel. Jesus says, hey, boys, will y' all pray for me? You three, Peter, James, and John, I need you to come over here. I need you to pray for me.

Speaker C [00:29:01]:
All right?

Joby Martin [00:29:02]:
I don't know anybody that has a higher Christology than I do, and if there is one out there, I'll adopt it. Okay. Yeah. So I'm a Colossians. One guy, he's before all things, preeminent. All things are made by him, for him, through him and to him. Okay?

Speaker C [00:29:13]:
Right.

Joby Martin [00:29:13]:
If the second person of the Trinity got to a place in his life where he's like, boys, I need your help tonight. I need you to pray, then who in the heck do you think you are to think I got this right? Cuz you ain't got this right. And so we, we got to have each other. Honestly, the core of any decent men's ministry is just that it stands on the authority of the word of God. You're not just throwing a bunch of dudes, just sitting together confessing sin, calling it accountability group, but nobody changes. That's dumb.

Speaker C [00:29:39]:
Right.

Joby Martin [00:29:40]:
So it stands on the word of God, but it is rooted in just shoulder to shoulder, band of brothers kind of relationship. And we're gonna fight for one another.

Speaker C [00:29:49]:
Yeah, that's good.

Joby Martin [00:29:50]:
Yeah.

Speaker B [00:29:51]:
I think one of the things I like so much reading through the book is your, your blend of spirituality and practicality.

Joby Martin [00:29:56]:
Yeah.

Speaker B [00:29:56]:
And you talk about it many times where it's like, yeah. There's a spiritual reason for this, but also, just knock it off. Like, stop being dumb.

Joby Martin [00:30:02]:
Yeah, yeah. Don't be dumb. Should be in the Proverbs. In fact, at the end of every chapter, because I get it. Some dudes will read a book like, okay, I'm inspired. Yeah, I get it. I agree. So what? So we just got it. Doing the stuff.

Speaker B [00:30:15]:
Doing the stuff, man.

Speaker C [00:30:16]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:30:17]:
We just gave just a few steps. You know, just do these things. A lot of it has to do with what we're talking about now.

Speaker C [00:30:23]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:30:23]:
Find some guys, get them involved in your life. Be honest, get after it.

Speaker B [00:30:27]:
Who are the bat carriers that you have? Can you talk about that? Some.

Joby Martin [00:30:30]:
Oh, for sure. Lars Peterson that I mentioned, he's one of them. Charles Martin that I write books with, he's one of them. Jeff Cob, who's my neighbor, he's one of them. Jeff currently is a detective in the gang unit at jso, and he runs all the security for the Jaguars.

Speaker C [00:30:46]:
Okay.

Joby Martin [00:30:47]:
He was also. He came to Christ at 11:22. He played in the NFL for a long time. He became one of our pastors and stood up our prison ministry for a while. And he's my neighbor.

Speaker C [00:30:57]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:30:57]:
Two doors down. A part of. One of the things you got to have in your mat carriers is proximity.

Speaker C [00:31:02]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:31:03]:
Because I could also. I could name four or five famous Christian pastor guys that are dear friends of mine. Sure. I mean, Matt Chandler is a good buddy.

Speaker C [00:31:14]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:31:15]:
He's. He does not see how I talk to my kids.

Speaker C [00:31:18]:
Right.

Joby Martin [00:31:18]:
Because he's in Texas and I'm here when I see him. We're on stage at a conference together, and we're awesome. I'm not saying we're awesome preachers. We're just. That's the best version of us you get. You know what I mean? And again, there are some. There. There are certain areas of our life that are a lot of similarities, and we'll. We'll be really honest there, but you got to have some guys that are close got. Named Ben Williams that helped me plant this church. My brother is another one, Kelly Adcox, that runs our retreat center there. So I've got a bunch of dudes that I have invited into my life to just say, if you see me online, man, I'm trusting that you will tell me.

Speaker C [00:31:51]:
Yeah.

Speaker B [00:31:52]:
So is that all it is?

Joby Martin [00:31:53]:
You.

Speaker B [00:31:54]:
You got to know these guys. You know, they're in close proximity in your life. You said, hey, keep me in check.

Joby Martin [00:31:58]:
Okay. I'd go further. I dig in according to the book of First John, it says, chapter two. Do not love the world of the things of this world. The only thing this world can throw at you. Lust of the eyes, lust of the flesh, pride of life. Basically, every sin boils down to one of those three categories. Okay? Lust of the flesh is the desire to feel. It could be cocaine or cookies or sex. But it is when you begin to negotiate with yourself. Why, you know, you begin to self medicate. And again, that could be with like pornography or actual people. It could be like overeating or taking prescription drugs that aren't yours, whatever it is. Okay, that's one. The next one is the lust of the eyes. This is this desire to have. This is about stuff. This is about cash and prizes, you know? And then there's the pride of life. That's about status. I'm going to make m. Make much of me. That's. That's it. That's. That's what the enemy has to throw at you. He's like a good bass fisherman. Now here's the thing. He doesn't care which lure gets you. All he cares is that he gets you.

Speaker C [00:33:00]:
Right?

Joby Martin [00:33:00]:
Like if you're fishing, you don't care what you're catching them on. You just want to catch them. So if he throws money and you don't and that. That doesn't get you, he'll clip that thing off and he'll throw desire out there or he'll throw fame, whatever. It is a great conversation to have with your guys is this. Answer this question. If you were the devil, how would you take you out?

Speaker C [00:33:20]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:33:20]:
And then be honest. Because you'll never be free until you learn to be honest.

Speaker C [00:33:25]:
Right.

Joby Martin [00:33:25]:
If you fight the devil in the dark, you're going to get your tail kicked. Okay. And then invite those Mac carriers to ask you about those things. In my world, okay? I pastor a huge church now. Huge. Historically. It does not take a rocket science scientist to figure out that in my position, monies and honeys have taken out guys in my seat.

Speaker C [00:33:51]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:33:52]:
So I'm an absolute Pharisee when it comes to those two things. All right? At this point in my life, I wouldn't even say they are necessarily struggles. Right. But it could just be because I've eliminated it from my diet for the last 13 years or longer, you know, 25 years since I've been in ministry.

Speaker C [00:34:12]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:34:13]:
Because I know. I just know that pride goes before the fall. So the moment I think, how. How could somebody do that then, bro, you're screwed.

Speaker C [00:34:21]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:34:22]:
So we got Rules about the rules around here about all kind of like all our IT people can look into anything on my device any second. Yeah, I welcome it.

Speaker C [00:34:30]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:34:31]:
Got a bunch of rules about who I'll be with and when I'll be with them, and I'm never alone with a girl and all those kind of things. It's crazy. The Billy Graham rule has come under great scrutiny.

Speaker C [00:34:39]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:34:39]:
Here's two things. Jimmy Kratz, Corn. I don't care.

Speaker C [00:34:41]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:34:42]:
You know who loves it? My wife, my kids. Come on. My assistant's husband.

Speaker C [00:34:46]:
That's right.

Joby Martin [00:34:47]:
They love it.

Speaker C [00:34:47]:
So.

Joby Martin [00:34:48]:
And then some people like, well, that's, you know, that's not fair. Fair ended at the Garden of Eden. I don't give a crap about. I want to be married. And. And some people, like. Are you saying that women are tempt? No. I'm the problem, you idiot.

Speaker C [00:35:00]:
Right. Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:35:01]:
You put any two grown people that are, as long as they're not heinous, in the wrong situation long enough, all kind of terrible things can happen. So we just avoid all that. Okay. When it comes to finances, the. The elder set my salary. We have a. I have a lay treasurer that does all my taxes that goes to our elders. I can't spend a dollar without them knowing. There is no significant financial decision I make without their oversight. You know why? Because there's been a bunch of dudes that made some money and got started getting weird. So I just pre decided. Here you go. I don't even have the option anymore.

Speaker C [00:35:39]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:35:40]:
Pride of life, it's harder to manage. You know what I mean?

Speaker C [00:35:44]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:35:45]:
Because you can put software on your phone to keep naked people from popping up.

Speaker C [00:35:49]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:35:50]:
How do you keep pride from popping up? That one. And the money ones, honestly, it's easy too, because there are some external guardrails you can just put in place, and it just removes the distraction. So the pride of life is about this desire to be somebody. And you better have some people that love you more than they love what you think about them. That's good to be involved in your life, you know?

Speaker C [00:36:15]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:36:16]:
Now, there are some things we just put in my life. Like, I'm all over social media. Do you know, I don't even have. I don't even. I don't do any of it.

Speaker C [00:36:24]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:36:25]:
The only one I can even look at is Instagram. Dude stopped me the other day in the airport. He's like, man, I love your TikTok. And I was like, I text my team, I have TikTok. I don't even know what that. I mean, I know what it is. Theoretically, I've never. Yeah. So we have a team of people that does that stuff.

Speaker B [00:36:41]:
You're not an old guy. You said that.

Joby Martin [00:36:43]:
I am an old. I have Instagram. I like to look at deer hunting videos, the Georgia Bulldog highlights, and that's about it. But what I do, even on that stuff, like, I've got a team of people that just regulates all of that stuff.

Speaker C [00:36:59]:
Sure. Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:37:01]:
I made a decision a long time ago. I just don't self promote.

Speaker C [00:37:04]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:37:04]:
When I do podcasts like this, people are like, we need to get an updated headshot. I'm like, I don't have those. So you just have to find a picture somewhere. I just don't do that. I don't do the. A lot of speakers, put together a press kit, send it out at the beginning of the year. It's like, here's why you should have Joby speak at your thing. I don't have that.

Speaker C [00:37:20]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:37:21]:
I've just said, lord, I'm just gonna pastor this church, and if you want me to do other stuff, then you'll have to make it happen. You know, like, I didn't call y' all and be like, hey, I should be on your podcast. That's not how. So what I'm trying to do is get out ahead of these things that have been problems for people in my position. And I know me, and I'm a. I'm a sinner in need of a savior. And so you. Proximity matters. You got to have some dudes in your life that can tap you on the shoulder and say, hey, man, I heard the way you were talking to your wife. I wasn't cool.

Speaker C [00:37:51]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:37:51]:
You know, or I think you owe your daughter an apology. That that was wrong. I mean, you were right, but the tone of your voice was not right.

Speaker C [00:37:59]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:38:00]:
And so I, you know, I have these guys in my life, and then I have a wife. I heard Lou Holtz said this one time, he said, man, he was talking to football players. He was like, man, when you're making a big decision in your life, always ask your wife, because nobody loves you more, nobody knows you better, and no one is less impressed than she is. And so that's true, right?

Speaker B [00:38:20]:
Yeah, yeah. It holds up.

Speaker C [00:38:21]:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Joby Martin [00:38:22]:
She's never stood in line for me to sign a book once.

Speaker D [00:38:26]:
Have you seen any change, even a little bit? And leadership, I know you get around a lot of different places, and all this stuff we're talking about that can take a man out oh, do you think there's a shift in leadership?

Joby Martin [00:38:40]:
Yeah, man. Yeah. Can't be mean.

Speaker C [00:38:44]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:38:45]:
And that has been. That thing has been hijacked.

Speaker C [00:38:49]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:38:49]:
I mean, we do live in a generation right now where accountability is now called abuse.

Speaker C [00:38:55]:
Yep. Yeah. Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:38:56]:
Like, if I ask you to do a job and then ask you if you did a job, then that could be called verbal abuse.

Speaker C [00:39:03]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:39:03]:
Here's what's interesting. I don't have this fully thought out. Let me think about this for a second. So there are the fivefold offices in Ephesians. Right. A pest and apostle. We don't even. Prophet. You know, evangelists. It's a little aggressive. Shepherd, teacher. Love it, love it.

Speaker B [00:39:24]:
Got it, got it, got it.

Joby Martin [00:39:26]:
Oh, my gosh.

Speaker C [00:39:26]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:39:27]:
So we only want shepherds and teachers, and we'll accept all of their sins.

Speaker C [00:39:32]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:39:32]:
Of apathy and tolerance. Right. And toxic empathy.

Speaker C [00:39:38]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:39:39]:
You just hug sinners.

Speaker C [00:39:40]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:39:40]:
Until they go to hell.

Speaker C [00:39:41]:
Yep.

Joby Martin [00:39:42]:
Okay.

Speaker C [00:39:42]:
Wow.

Joby Martin [00:39:43]:
No problem. But if a leader leads, can't put up with it.

Speaker B [00:39:47]:
Just offends everybody.

Joby Martin [00:39:48]:
Oh, how dare you? Why would you even start your own church, you egomaniac? Well, I don't know. The Lord told me and my pastor did. What are you talking about? You see what I mean?

Speaker C [00:39:55]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:39:56]:
So the apostle, and I'm not talking about big A, all the big A apostles are dead. We're talking about the person with the gifting of an apostolic kind of thing, or a prophet that says true things in hard times, or an evangelist that says, you're going to hell. I don't want you to. I want to tell you about the one that will save you from it. Now, the sins of those three can be a little aggressive. And currently, the Christian culture does not have a place for those.

Speaker B [00:40:26]:
Scares everybody.

Joby Martin [00:40:27]:
But in my Bible, there's just a fivefold, man. We need all five. But the people that. That are. That really excel in the shepherding teaching kind of thing, boy, they get elevated as. That's what a person in the lead pastor role is supposed to be.

Speaker C [00:40:44]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:40:45]:
And then their entire podcast, just an entire quote unquote ministries that are just accusing the apostles, the prophets and the evangelists. And so it's a new day.

Speaker C [00:40:56]:
It is.

Joby Martin [00:40:56]:
It's a new day.

Speaker D [00:40:57]:
It is.

Joby Martin [00:40:59]:
It's funny. I so very famous people would get in trouble for things. And some of my friends that are 15 years older than me in ministry will call me because they know I know the famous people. And they're like, dude, what happened to name that guy?

Speaker B [00:41:12]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:41:12]:
And I'm not talking about somebody that stole money or slept with their wife. Slept with somebody else's wife.

Speaker C [00:41:16]:
Right.

Joby Martin [00:41:16]:
I'm talk. And I'll be like, oh, yeah, he. He got fired because he was mean and trying to explain that to a dude who's been doing ministry for 40 years and he's 65 years old. He said, wait, hold on. Wait, What? He did what?

Speaker C [00:41:28]:
Yeah, I'm.

Joby Martin [00:41:28]:
Again, one time, this is what he said to a guy, you know, and he was mean.

Speaker C [00:41:32]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:41:33]:
And. And that generation is just scratching their head going. We call that just being a boss.

Speaker C [00:41:38]:
Right.

Joby Martin [00:41:38]:
Just saying, hey, you got to do your work on time and expectations. Yeah.

Speaker C [00:41:41]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:41:42]:
Hey, no, you can't take Christmas Eve off. We work at church. Sorry. I know Easter is a long week. Buy a cup and a helmet. I don't know what to tell you.

Speaker C [00:41:51]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:41:51]:
You know what I mean?

Speaker C [00:41:52]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:41:52]:
Like, you work at church, man, it's Easter. You're going to have to. So that is a new thing.

Speaker C [00:41:56]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:41:57]:
Now, I'm not saying you should be mean. You shouldn't be mean.

Speaker B [00:42:00]:
Yeah. But you actually talk about that in the book.

Speaker C [00:42:01]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:42:02]:
What does actual mean?

Speaker C [00:42:03]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:42:04]:
But holding people accountable to do a job. I tell our staff around here, listen, man, you are saved by grace. You are not employed by grace.

Speaker C [00:42:10]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:42:10]:
We have standards and expectations, and if you don't meet them, I'm not saying you ain't going to heaven. You just ain't going to staff retreat because we got stuff to do. Hell is hot. Forever is a long time. There's a lot of lost people on this planet.

Speaker C [00:42:22]:
Right.

Joby Martin [00:42:23]:
We got a lot of hard work to do. So that is. It's a new day.

Speaker C [00:42:26]:
Right? Right.

Joby Martin [00:42:27]:
It is a new day.

Speaker D [00:42:29]:
So talking, coaching and talking to the young guys coming up in that principle, I mean, how hard is that?

Joby Martin [00:42:36]:
Well, here's the thing. You got. Here's. Here's what's incumbent upon the leader. I tell our staff this all the time. We care more about how you're doing than what you're doing.

Speaker C [00:42:45]:
It's good.

Joby Martin [00:42:46]:
But you better mean it if you say it.

Speaker C [00:42:48]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:42:48]:
Okay. And I. I do mean it. I do mean it. Now, if you don't do what you're supposed to do, you're not going to get employed here. You can always be a part of this church. But you really. In. In the neutral times, and there's a lot of neutral times, you need to build that relational bank so that when you have a hard ask or if you have a straightforward correction, then people aren't questioning. Does he like me or does he love me? You know?

Speaker C [00:43:16]:
Right.

Joby Martin [00:43:17]:
And then at this point, I mean, our staff's like 400 people, so I don't even know everybody's name or even close. I mean, I. I went to another campus the other day, and I met a girl's been on staff for a year. Okay. But I need to make sure that she is known and cared for by.

Speaker C [00:43:29]:
By.

Speaker D [00:43:30]:
Sure.

Joby Martin [00:43:30]:
By her leaders.

Speaker C [00:43:31]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:43:32]:
So we spent a lot of time and we put our money where our mouth is around here with things like benefits and flexible schedules, and, you know, we have child care for kids, all these kind of things, because. But when it's. But if something's not right around here, you gotta. You gotta tighten it up. And it's unloving to not do so.

Speaker C [00:43:49]:
Right, Right.

Joby Martin [00:43:50]:
And so that is a new day. And so to the young guys. Honestly, man, if you're a young guy listening to this, you're not easy. You got it? I'm just gonna be honest. If you can just do what you say, don't be a wuss. Finish what you start.

Speaker C [00:44:06]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:44:06]:
You're like the most alpha male, bro. You'll be so differentiated from among the losers around you right now. I mean, you could have. You can go out with whoever you want to go out with, dude. Just get you a job. You know what I mean? Brush your teeth, comb your hair, buy grown people clothes. I'm telling you. You know how easy it is to just differentiate yourself if you're 20 years old right now?

Speaker C [00:44:27]:
Right.

Joby Martin [00:44:27]:
Just don't be a child.

Speaker C [00:44:29]:
Right.

Joby Martin [00:44:30]:
Like, actually take some responsibility.

Speaker C [00:44:32]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:44:33]:
My son's. He'll be 20 in a month. From the time this comes out, the one year at Tallahassee, he comes home like, that ain't it. That ain't it for me. He's enrolled in fire school, starts in January. Just got a job here working full time in operations. Just came and applied and got it. Gets up every day, dresses like a grown man, puts his pants on, you know, tucks his shirt in, brushes his teeth, goes to work. And he just went to the FSU game this past weekend. We're recording this earlier when they just beat Alabama. Go Dogs.

Speaker C [00:45:05]:
Go Dogs.

Joby Martin [00:45:06]:
And he just came home and he's like. I'm just reminded of why I left, because it's boys acting like boys.

Speaker C [00:45:12]:
Wow.

Joby Martin [00:45:12]:
And he raised me to be a grown man.

Speaker C [00:45:14]:
Wow.

Joby Martin [00:45:14]:
And I'm saying, praise God for it, and I would. So if you'd have told me 10 years ago, I'd be pumped. My kid dropped out of college. I got a lot of degrees.

Speaker B [00:45:21]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:45:22]:
I'd be like, what? But he doesn't want to waste his life. He wants to do something to help people. He's going to be a fireman and he's working here. And we just figured out, I mean, he was like, I think I can keep my job part time here while I'm in fire school. And I'm like, let's go. You know, you sound like a grown man now. He ain't all the way grown. He's 20, you know, but we need to raise more of that.

Speaker C [00:45:45]:
Yeah, yeah.

Joby Martin [00:45:46]:
And. And he's got a good mama. That's, you know, that's why he is where he is instead of just a bunch of consumers.

Speaker C [00:45:53]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:45:54]:
So his. I checked in, I've only checked with his boss twice. The first day I asked how it went. And then, and then about two weeks into his job, I was like, how's it going? And his boss texted me and was like every day he asked me, what can I do to take off your plate? I love it. And I'm like, there you go, dude. So in my mind he's doing the. That's the bare minimum in this current society. He is differentiating himself from all the other 20 year olds.

Speaker C [00:46:21]:
Sure.

Joby Martin [00:46:21]:
By not acting like a boy.

Speaker C [00:46:23]:
Yeah.

Speaker D [00:46:23]:
Just showing up.

Joby Martin [00:46:24]:
We just need more of that.

Speaker C [00:46:25]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:46:26]:
So he's been around grown men for a long time. I took him on a. A part of the reason when he was, when he started high school, I started doing an annual father son trip with other fathers and sons. It always included adventure. It always included men speaking into him. Not only the men that were there, but I would get other men to like write him letters. We'd read them around the campfire and stuff. The adventures got bigger and bigger and bigger. When he graduated high school, took him on a bow hunt to South Africa. He killed a bunch of stuff. Had an African tribes chieftain hang a set of testicles around his neck and put blood on his face and sing this song. After he killed a wildebeest with a bow. This last summer, I take him on a fishing trip with a bunch of guys from church. But my dad was there so it was really cool because we're all. Joseph Perry's my dad's junior, I'm the third, my son's the fourth. And I really saw the shift of him. My son, he just acted like a man the whole time. Out fished everybody out, hustled everybody. When it was time to clean up, he did. When he set up, he did One night after the campfire, he was sitting around the campfire with one of our worship leaders here, Austin Adamack. Great guy. And he walks up to me after the campfire, I'm getting ready for bed, and he goes, daddy, thanks for raising me to be a grown man.

Speaker C [00:47:38]:
Wow.

Joby Martin [00:47:38]:
And I thought, bro, that's it.

Speaker C [00:47:39]:
That's it.

Joby Martin [00:47:40]:
That's it.

Speaker C [00:47:42]:
That's good.

Joby Martin [00:47:42]:
And if you're listening and you don't have a dad to model that, go to church.

Speaker C [00:47:46]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:47:47]:
Because Paul says, man, we got plenty of teachers, not enough fathers.

Speaker C [00:47:51]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:47:51]:
Find you an old dude again with a worn out Bible and a wife with a smile on her face.

Speaker C [00:47:55]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:47:55]:
Just say, can I hang around you something?

Speaker C [00:47:57]:
That's good.

Joby Martin [00:47:58]:
Just offer to cut the dude's grass or do whatever. I'll help you run errands. How? How can I? Can I add some value to your life and will you share some wisdom with me?

Speaker B [00:48:06]:
Toby, I appreciate your time, man. Thanks for being on the pod. Anything else you want to leave with our audience before we sign off?

Joby Martin [00:48:12]:
That's it. I mean, that's what we talked about the whole time.

Speaker C [00:48:14]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:48:15]:
We were wired for relationships.

Speaker C [00:48:16]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:48:17]:
The lone wolf dies alone.

Speaker C [00:48:19]:
Yeah.

Joby Martin [00:48:20]:
Don't be that dummy.

Speaker C [00:48:21]:
That's good.

Joby Martin [00:48:22]:
Get in the herd.

Speaker B [00:48:23]:
Thanks so much, man. Appreciate it, guys, thanks for listening to the Men of Iron podcast. We'll be back again next week. We'll see you then.

Joby Martin [00:48:29]:
Thanks for listening to the Men of Iron podcast. Be sure to, like, subscribe and share at Men of Iron. We exist to change a culture one man at a time, and we'd love to have you partner with us. So go to men of iron.org to see how you can get involved or donate@menaviron.org donate.