When The Call Finally Comes

What happens when the county number flashes across your phone… and you have only seconds to decide if your life is about to change forever?

In this episode, we take you back to those early foster care days — the waiting, the anxiety, the fear, and the split-second “yes” that changed everything. We share the reality behind placement calls, what counties tell you (and what they don’t), and the pressure of trying to make huge decisions with almost no time to think.

We open up about our very first placements, including the unforgettable Friday afternoon call for an 11-month-old experiencing neglect. From scrambling for childcare and supplies to walking into the agency with almost no idea what to expect, we relive the chaos, exhaustion, heartbreak, and beauty of that first night.

We talk about:
• the emotional rollercoaster after licensing and the home study
• the pressure of making a fast yes-or-no decision
• how couples navigate placement calls together
• the realities working foster parents face trying to coordinate childcare
• why our first placement experience was far from typical
• bringing home a baby with little more than hope and adrenaline
• guessing sizes, routines, food, and everything in between
• the incredible village that showed up with diapers, pajamas, and dinner
• the strange mix of joy and grief that foster care brings into your home

This episode is messy, emotional, honest, and deeply personal — because foster care changes your home, but it also changes you.

And if you’ve ever gotten “the call,” we would LOVE to hear your story too. 💛
If there’s something you want us to talk about, explain further, or questions you still have about foster care or adoption, let us know. Your questions could inspire a future episode.

Transcript

Welcome Back And Week Three

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hello?

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Hello? Hello?

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Not yet.

SPEAKER_01 0:05

Not yet. Not yet.

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Oh, welcome back. Welcome back. Um, week three. Um, last week we talked about licensing and everything we had to get ready to become a foster parent and all of that stuff. Um, this week um is going to be a little different, a little bit more exciting, a little happier. Um, more about, you know, what we uh, you know, you spend weeks, sometimes months getting ready, and then one day the phone rings and everything changes. Um we're gonna talk about our first placements, um, how it kind of happened and what that meant for us.

SPEAKER_01 0:54

Yeah, so you know, we we went through our we're licensed. So now what? You know, we we went through the classes, we got all that done in the fall, and it was springtime and we finally got our home studies all completed and everything, and we were ready for the call. We had done everything we needed to do, and it was time for the call. Uh, before I get to that one though, I, you know, I I wanna, since we're, you know, talking to people who are thinking about doing foster care, you know, when you actually get a call, um for us, it was an unknown number or the accounty number that we started to recognize. Actually, it's it was the county number. And no matter who was calling you from the county, that was the number that popped up. So, like you said last week, like even I had that anxiety, like when I would look at my phone and it's the county. Right. Right. So um it was never good timing. Typically, I was at work, I was normally not, you know, thinking

What A Placement Call Sounds Like

SPEAKER_01 1:55

about getting a call. Um, but we're gonna we'll we I don't know that we'll talk about all of them, but we'll talk about a lot of them. You know, it was never really a convenient time. Right, nearly, you know, the information you get. Basically, you get what they say they know about these children. I don't know that that was always the case, but you know, they can give you the basics, the age, the gender, the basic situation, and why they need a home. Um, you know, what what you're kind of looking at. What they don't tell you is the child's pool history. They don't know um the full picture. They really don't, the timelines are not always accurate. Um there is a lot of unknowns. Like the call's really quick.

SPEAKER_00 2:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:43

Age, gender.

SPEAKER_00 2:45

And I feel like they're really just looking for a yes or no. Um, and so probably by design, not a lot of information is known and or given.

SPEAKER_01 2:56

Um but I also the person calling isn't the person who removed the child from the home.

SPEAKER_00 3:02

That's true.

SPEAKER_01 3:02

So a lot of times they don't really know.

unknown 3:04

Right.

SPEAKER_01 3:05

You know, they may not know the complete details, or the social worker or the person that removed the home the child that didn't give all the details. So sometimes I will say they do do not have all the details. Um you know, so they don't always give you the full picture. Um, but they do put on that pressure of yes or no. And I will say that I never did I ever, I don't know that I ever said yes without talking to Sly first. Maybe a handful, maybe once or twice, maybe. But maybe it was more of a like, yeah, we'll do it, but let me check with Sly.

SPEAKER_00 3:39

Yeah. Um Yeah, I don't feel like that you didn't.

SPEAKER_01 3:43

I would always try to get as much information as I could. And then I would tell them, you know, I gotta call, I gotta call Sly. So I would that's that call you talked about last week. I would call him. And we tried not to call each other, you know, a whole lot. So he knew, you know, when I was calling, especially because at that time, you know, we were waiting, we were just waiting. So um I would call Sly, I would give him the details. And it's so funny because I I still remember those phone calls. You know, even if we wanted to say no, it was almost like, yeah, we got to do this, we gotta do this. You know, we'd been training our whole, we only had one chance. We've trained our whole life for this moment, you know. Like we've been putting in the work and we were ready. It was like our Super Bowl, I guess. Right?

SPEAKER_00 4:33

You know, I know, and it's funny, like you look at it now, it was like we weren't ready at all. We were if we well, that or like, do you really know what you're signing up for? Like, you know, additional work, additional kid, like just the stress and the additional amount of things that we had to do. And we're like, but you know, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:54

So the when we would um so I would, you know, call him, we'd decide yes or no. Um, then I would call my babysitter who I had for child care, because at that time I did work full time and so did Sly. So um, you know, we we had already figured out that we had to have child care, and uh that person has to go through kind of a little homesteady too and have to have a check and a background check and things like that. I don't think we talked about that last time, but when you're, you know, in that preparation stage and you're okay, well, what are you gonna do with these kids when you work? That was one of the things

Childcare And Fast Decisions

SPEAKER_01 5:30

we had to look into. So I would call slide, then I'd call the babysitter to make sure, you know, that it was everything was gonna was gonna work out. So you did have that kind of like pressure to answer and you know make a make a decision that's life-changing and not knowing any much about it. Right. That was a challenge. Um so I am we're going to kind of change. I know we keep saying our first call, our first call. Um, so we wanted to, we are actually going to tell you about our second call because it was a more traditional um method or a process, I should say, of the foster care process and more about uh like how things actually happen. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:23

Because yeah, because our first phone call um was not your traditional. Um, you know, they did call Kelly, but it was a, you know, they were already

Why Our First Call Was Different

SPEAKER_00 6:34

in care, they were at another foster. Um little girl was at fostered care already. Um that family just were having they were retiring. Yeah, retiring. And so they were you know just looking for someplace to, you know, move her. Um to and so, yes, we got the phone call, we went um we went and met her on the weekend. Yes. We got to meet her.

SPEAKER_01 6:56

We got to meet the people, we got to have her come and visit and hang out. So it that this is why it wasn't a traditional.

SPEAKER_00 7:02

Well, and we had like a by this date they wanted her moved, which was like a couple weeks. So we had a couple weeks to get everything ready, and we had information because the foster parents that had her, you know, had what she likes, what she doesn't like, and they sent her with some clothes, and you know, where you know it was the non-traditional, but that was our first kind of placement, and then so that's where uh Camilla came along.

SPEAKER_01 7:34

Um and we're gonna tell her story sometime. So with that being said, we just wanted to preface with this is actually our second phone call, but this is this was the real deal, this was how things worked. So I remember I was it was a Friday. It was at school, it was the beginning of the school year. So interestingly enough, and this happens again later in our life, um, it was almost like when you know summer was over and school would start back up. That's when the calls amped up, you know. So school had just started. Um, I was at work and I got that phone call, the number. And I remember them calling me, you know, she is a little girl less than a year old, um

The Friday Call For A Baby

SPEAKER_01 8:28

experiencing neglect. A lot the you know, there there was some neglect, there was uh just a lot of things. She had older siblings, um, which they were already not planning to place them together. Um, she was considered a baby, and yeah, the where her older siblings ended up going, that they didn't take babies there. So, um, and they were significantly older, so it was um they needed a little bit different type of care. Um I was so excited. I I I do remember like that like sick to my stomach excitement. I was scared. Um, but you know, I'm I'm I'm ready to, you know. At that by this point, we had already had Camilla. Yeah. And so we were already, you know, we already figured out this whole double parenting of two kids, you know. So let's add a third. Right. What's what could happen be so bad?

SPEAKER_00 9:27

What could go wrong adding up a third?

SPEAKER_01 9:29

I have chats with Grace and she's on board. Um, you know, I I call Sly.

SPEAKER_00 9:34

And I was like immediately yes, without like I I don't even think that I listened to everything that she said, um, other than they have a little girl and she, you know, needs someplace. And I said yes. Um, but you know, it it's it's it's crazy. I you you're I'm excited. I was excited, but I was so nervous at the same time. Like I felt like I could probably throw up.

SPEAKER_01 10:02

Right. So, you know, that fear and that starts to kick in. But um again, it was a Friday afternoon and they needed someone now. They needed to know. So uh I guess I said yes. I suppose we said yes. I remember after I hung up, I was like, okay, we're gonna do this. And actually, I worked in a school with my sister, so I would always go like straight to my sister, like, oh my gosh, guess what? You know, and they were so supportive. Uh like the where I worked, you know, like everybody was just in awe and just so supportive of this situation, our situation. So I do remember, you know, going to tell my sister. Um do you remember what you did after we hung out?

SPEAKER_00 10:45

Um, I feel like I same thing. I probably went and told um my manager um that you had to leave because yeah, I felt like I left shortly. And again, it was towards the end of the day. It wasn't like a huge deal. Um, but I I believe I did leave early. Um, and I think like I went and got Grace.

SPEAKER_01 11:07

Oh, because I normally picked her up from school.

SPEAKER_00 11:10

Right. So because you went straight to the agency.

SPEAKER_01 11:13

That's exactly it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:14

And then I got Graced and went home. And I think I probably started working on finding some totes and or I don't know that we had totes at the time. Yeah, you're right. We probably didn't. Or I'm sure we had something, or just maybe I was looking.

SPEAKER_01 11:29

It wasn't a long time because I literally went straight from school, got her, and came home. So by the time you got Grace and got home, there probably wasn't.

SPEAKER_00 11:35

Yeah, it wasn't much. I just probably tidy.

SPEAKER_01 11:40

Yeah, so we said yes. We we were home. That first night in any of our placements was always very calm, but chaotic.

SPEAKER_00 11:57

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 11:58

You know, so luckily, you know, um we didn't really get time to prepare our home before we got her there in our home. We didn't get that advanced notice or anything like that. So we had a bed, you know. Um, I think I borrowed a car seat to go get her.

SPEAKER_00 12:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:17

Um she did not come with anything.

SPEAKER_00 12:21

No, no,

First Night Calm And Chaotic

SPEAKER_00 12:22

she had a diaper bag and it had a few clothes in it. Um didn't really have anything. Yeah, yeah, nothing really for her. It was more of a just had other stuff in it. Um it didn't just, you know, that trying to figure out you know what size she wears, and not knowing if they she really had anything in that bag. Yeah. Um, because I think that you even said that like it was pretty quick even at the agency, so you didn't really have a chance to look at the bag. So it was just let's get her in and then you know, we get her in the house. And it's that like, you know, she's big-eyed and she's trying to figure out what's going on and who's gonna be she's 11 months old. Um, here's these two adults that don't know her. Um this little girl um that wants to do nothing but just to squeeze her and love her. Um which and and I would have picked up Grace and Camilla now. Sorry, completely sidetracked and Camilla. Um, but you know, just trying to figure out her temperament, you know, they don't come with a uh owner.

SPEAKER_01 13:23

A man you know, that's one of those things. Yeah, you don't get like um, let me introduce you to, and here's everything you need to know about that. Right. You get you don't get that at all.

SPEAKER_00 13:31

No, and you have to that first night is really like yeah, you have to figure it out, like what do they like, you know, if they are still using a bottle, or are they just a bottle at night, or are they milk? They, you know, what kind of milk are they? Lactose and colorance, or they formula, or they, you know, like what snacks they do like, and just figuring it all out um is probably like the craziest part, is just yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:57

So when they're you know, that first night, you know, obviously uh she she did come with nothing. And so we had nothing. I mean, we had some things because we have, you know, Camilla, but uh you know, usually that's when the village shows up, you know. That's when you if you call to the village, you give out the information you can, and they start showing up, you know, with diapers and um pajamas, you know, just kind of like the necessities, a cup, a bottle, things you might need just to kind of get you going, especially because it was a Friday afternoon. Right. And I the agency's getting ready to close.

SPEAKER_00 14:34

They're they're yeah, they're done at four o'clock.

SPEAKER_01 14:36

Done.

SPEAKER_00 14:37

And I feel like I probably ran to the store at that point once we got her home, figured out kind of what size she was, yeah, what size diaper she had on.

SPEAKER_01 14:47

Um I remember like that was a challenge because she didn't come with a lot. Yeah, what she did come with wasn't really fitting. Yeah, and it was that was definitely a challenge. She was tiny, she was, you know, an 11-month-old baby. Yeah. So um, and again at 11 uh at 11 months, we weren't sure formula, milk, those kinds of things. Like, so we had a lot of questions when it came to her. She was really the first baby baby, like she wasn't really a baby baby, but you know, when we when Camilla came, she was almost two.

SPEAKER_00 15:18

So well, yeah, and we had we had the the kind of uh they told us what she did like, what she didn't. Like you were literally handed this kid, you know. Yeah, if you have ever watched somebody else's kid, you know, usually you have the the parents that give you the download. They need you know, they send what they and they she likes this or she doesn't like this or whatever. You don't have that privilege. You are just literally handed a kid, and your job is to make her happy and safe.

SPEAKER_01 15:49

Yeah. So I mean, you very quickly realize what you need, what you don't have, what you do have, you know, like you send someone to Target or Walmart, you know, you it all it's chaos. It really does get chaos. Like thankfully, in our situations, you know, uh even though most of it is unknown, um our our village starts to show up, you know. We've got dinner usually that night. I do remember we had dinner delivered. Somebody brought us dinner, probably Megan.

SPEAKER_00 16:20

Probably, yeah, probably. And uh um and then I've my mom was the my mom had come in, you know.

SPEAKER_01 16:27

Uh Grace came in very handy because she just wanted to be held.

SPEAKER_00 16:32

And I feel like again, it was one of those maybe I didn't go to store, but I think your mom likes like at that point, like what do you guys need? And she had stuff.

SPEAKER_01 16:39

This happens a lot in in most of our placements. Somebody usually shows up the first night and helps hold this, yeah, hold this baby, give them some love, give them some protection, give them some comfort, comfort, because you and I are usually running around like chickens with our head cut off. Now it got better probably as we started having that collection of things. Oh, we just need this box, right?

SPEAKER_00 17:02

You know, yeah, it did because we did start like keeping stuff and and but yeah, I'm sure the first like that placement, we were if I god, I would have loved to been a camera to sit and watch that video now to watch that. Like I'm sure we were lunatics.

SPEAKER_01 17:17

I just remember feeling like it's a weird feeling to be excited and heartbroken in the same minute, you know. Yes, I was excited. We're bringing a baby girl into our house. That's all I ever wanted. But then you go into, you know, your mind at the time, maybe not, because again, we're just it's chaos and we're trying to just get everything done. But when you really like now, when I sit in that and I sit back and I think about those first days and with any of them, and

Excited And Heartbroken At Once

SPEAKER_01 17:55

how you know excited I was to have them come into my home, but to know that they just lost theirs.

SPEAKER_00 18:04

Yeah. I uh it's funny is like I think it's because it was our first placement. Like I still to the day remember, but like it was later on in that night, and I think that everybody had already left. Uh, and it was just Kelly and I and the girls. Um, and I sat down to hold her. Um and I remember her, she put her head down and she closed her eyes. And I felt that, you know, like Kelly said, was the I was excited at first, but then like I was really sad. It broke my heart knowing that this little girl was at my house because she just got taken from her family. Um, and that was the part that was really the hardest about doing this. But you know, I was like, well, all I can do is just love on them and give them everything they need. Um, but that night was it was a lot of emotions. Like I it was a roller coaster that night for me.

SPEAKER_01 19:20

I remember when she laid her head down on you and you you felt the yeah, you know, it was almost like the weight of your world.

SPEAKER_00 19:31

Just yeah, she just released it.

SPEAKER_01 19:33

I remember that.

SPEAKER_00 19:34

Yeah. And I I'm starting to tear up now. Um, it was it's a lot. Um, but and I feel like in that moment also I really felt like that that was like I knew that this is what we're supposed to do.

SPEAKER_01 19:52

Eye opening.

SPEAKER_00 19:54

It was it was a lot, but I was like, I know that this is gonna be one of the best things I've ever done in my life if I do nothing else. But it was one of the hardest things. Um for sure.

SPEAKER_01 20:10

Um you never are really ready until you're in it.

SPEAKER_00 20:15

No.

SPEAKER_01 20:15

And you know, like we were there ready. We weren't really ready, but we were ready, you know. We showed up we thought we were ready anyways, yeah, you know, like you don't I you just really don't know what to expect. And I will say that, you know, in multiple we've gone we've gone through this scenario many times now in the 10 years that we've did this, you know, and as much as I thought I could prepare and be ready, you really aren't. You really aren't because every single one of them had a different story.

SPEAKER_00 20:51

Absolutely. And I and I feel like that it's not only are

Never Ready But Still Saying Yes

SPEAKER_00 20:54

you not ready, um and you you never really prepare your heart for it. Um for me, I felt like I could not prepare my heart, um, and I knew it was going to hurt every time that we had to do it. But I always would just kind of tell myself, like this is what has to happen. And so if what has to happen and I can take some of the pain and the hardness, then and to make their lives easier, so be it. You know? Yeah, like that's what I need to do. This is what I signed up for.

SPEAKER_01 21:36

Um, you know, and if yeah, if you're someone who's thinking about this, you know, don't let fear and doubt cloud your mind. You know, this is and I will say this over and over one of the hardest, most rewarding things I have ever done in my life was be a foster mom. As scary and as hard as it is, and unknown, and then just not knowing what's what's ahead, I I would never trade it. I wouldn't change it for a thing.

SPEAKER_00 22:13

Absolutely not. It was the greatest thing. And I really feel like if I had to say there was something that I did great in my life, or just that I did and I'm super proud of that 10 years is it. And if I didn't achieve anything else in my life, I'd be okay with that.

SPEAKER_01 22:36

So we want to encourage you. We want to encourage you. Gosh, I didn't expect this one to be as emotional. Oh, I because I expect next week to be emotional. So next week, um, we're gonna tell a little bit about Camilla, and then we're going to talk about saying goodbye. And hello again, you know, maybe even in the same day. The the up and down of this to come is is insane.

SPEAKER_00 23:05

It it really is well, and you talked about it in episode one, is like it literally is a roller coaster. And hopefully, as we get through these episodes, and

Questions From Listeners And Next Week

SPEAKER_00 23:15

even the the last two episodes, and now in this third one, you guys kind of see and hear why it was a roller coaster, and just that we like she said, some days you were literally saying hello and goodbye, yeah. In the same day, yeah, and so you get all those feelings, you're sad, and then you're happy, and then you're nervous, and then you're anxious, and so yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:44

So, you know, this is just only episode three. Hopefully, you guys have enjoyed what you're you know, what you're hearing. We would like to answer questions. If there's something we are not talking about or missed, or you want to know more about, please make sure to uh let us know. We would love to.

SPEAKER_00 24:04

Yeah, I would.

SPEAKER_01 24:05

Um, this episode is a little bit shorter, I think, so far, you know, so maybe there's more we should have added to it. And so if we're missing something and you guys have questions, please make sure that you reach out and, you know, and ask us because just like what we wish we'd have known before they called us, you know, maybe I feel the same way, what we should have known before we started these podcasts. But if there's things that you you want us to talk about, you know, let us know because we would love to um, we'd love to do that, you know. Or if you're a foster parent and you've gotten the call, right? I'd love to hear your story.

SPEAKER_00 24:40

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 24:41

I really would. I and I actually, you know, I have I have some friends that uh do foster care and uh their stories are fun, fun, exciting, you know, like interesting too. And so we would love to hear your story if you guys have ever gotten that call um to foster care. So I think is that it?

SPEAKER_00 25:03

Yeah, this one was uh I think it was a good one. It was it was short, but I love you.

SPEAKER_01 25:09

Right? I love this.

SPEAKER_00 25:11

We're the Wallens, and this is what it looks like to say yes.