Navigating Divorce with Faith: Inside the Journey of Hope Program

If you're struggling with separation or divorce, or supporting someone who is, this conversation will remind you that you're not alone and God’s love remains constant. Lee McGrath talks about the Journey of Hope program, a nine-week, diocesan-endorsed divorce recovery initiative for separated and divorced Catholics. Lee shares her personal experience with divorce and how the program helped address emotional, spiritual, and practical challenges by offering support, community, and guidance through topics like self-worth, forgiveness, and staying close to the Church. The sessions, open to both men and women and held Wednesdays from September 30th to November 18th at the Catholic Center, feature prayer, videos, group sharing, and practical Catholic resources. Financial assistance is available for the $50 fee, ensuring everyone in need is welcome. For more information or to register, visit cdlex.org/joh.
For confidential questions or more information, contact Lee at (859)229-1038 or Mike at (859) 619-8440 or via email at lexjourneyofhope@cdlex.org.

Divorced. Catholic. Now What? (book)

This episode produced by My Parish Podcast, jennifer@myparishpodcast.com

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Welcome to Mary Queen Stories, the official podcast of Mary Queen of the Holy Rosary Parish in Lexington, Kentucky. Our mission is to receive God's love, proclaim the greatness of the Lord, serve joyfully, and make missionary disciples of Jesus Christ. I'm your host, Jennifer Longworth, Communications and Parish Life Coordinator at Mary Queen. Today on Mary Queen Stories, my guest is Lee McGrath. Welcome to the program. Thank you, Jennifer. And today you're here to talk about the Journey of Hope program. Tell us a little bit about that. Okay, the Journey of Hope program is really a divorce recovery program that is endorsed by the diocese and the bishop. And it's one of those things that I don't think a lot of people know about because divorce is a really hard topic to talk about. It's hard to even acknowledge that you're in the situation that you're separated or divorced. So sharing that with family, sharing that with friends, is really difficult to do. But in the process of that, there are so many misconceptions that we have about what divorce is. Misconceptions about that you are a failure and the church is not gonna accept you, that you're excommunicated. Misconceptions that if you're divorced and you go for an annulment, then your children are illegitimate. Just so many things that people don't really understand. But it's difficult to understand all the nuts and bolts, especially when you're in the throes of separation or divorce. I have to admit that when the divorce happened for me 12 years ago, it was a full-body experience. Hmm. It affected my mind, it affected my body, and it definitely affected my spirit. My mind would do enough stinking thinking to last a lifetime. And the stinking thinking was just replaying it all over again and hearing in my mind, you failed, you failed, you're not enough, you did something wrong, you're never going to be whole again. It affected my body. I had difficulty sleeping. I was not eating really well. I didn't stick with my exercise program. But I think the main concern was my spirit. It affected me in the sense that, does God really love me? Mm-hmm. Am I worthy enough to be loved? Am I enough for this God? And it doesn't matter if I'm pretty or I'm tall or whatever, but am I worthy enough? And so the program just really addressed all of that and more. It's a 9-week program and it's led by laypeople. And every one of us on the team has experienced divorce at one time and has actually gone through the program. So we kind of know what we're talking about, but we're not counselors. So we're not there to give you therapy. We're just there to listen. to hear your story and share our stories and may share some of the things that we've learned that got us through. So how do I get through the anger and how do I get through the fear? And what about my children? And how do I talk to my family? And how do I stay close to the Church when I don't feel like going to the Church? I have to admit, I made Mass every Sunday, but I spent the whole time with a bulletin in front of my face because I was crying. Oh. Because there are families, there are friends, and there you are. And so for a long time in the church, I felt terribly alone. And that's just a normal kind of reaction. There was a lot of fear. How do I do my finances? What do I do if I get sick and I'm alone? And we kind of address all of that, and we kind of give practical advice. I would suggest, however, that you get professional help if you need it. And that help for me came through having a therapist. a Catholic therapist. It came through my spiritual director. It came through the pastor of the church who was just really very welcoming and understood the situation because he had members of his family who were divorced, which made a really big difference. I do the first session, and the first session is from Matthew chapter 8, and we're all in this boat. And I talk about the fact that my former husband jumped out of the boat and swam to another shore. And there I am. And I felt like I was just kind of drowning, drowning, drowning. Okay. And then I realized that I was in Jesus's boat and I had other people in my boat. But I have to admit, there were times when I told some people, I'm not going to talk to you for a while, because they were into bashing my former husband, which I was not. Ow. And it was kind of negative. And I didn't need to hear the negative. So sometimes you need to let people out of your boat. And then let them back in. And sometimes people come for a reason and they don't stay in your boat permanently. Like my therapist wasn't there permanently, but I knew where to go. But what I've learned is that Jesus is always in the boat. For me, he became the 24/7 guy. He was never going to reject me. He was never going to abandon me. He was never going to judge me. He was always going to love me just the way I was. And while I felt shattered, I knew that the Lord was the only person who was going to help me put the pieces back together. And I have to admit, all the pieces didn't come back. The Lord replaced them with pieces that were better. So while I wanted to hold on to what I thought was what I needed, God knew best. And so it was like a Lee version 2.0. Wow. Which got me to a better place. We talk about the practical things, the sessions, you know, what about the children? How do I interact with the spouse? What's the best way to do that? How do I stay close to the sacraments? What if I want to pursue an annulment? What's the process for doing that? And how does that all play out? How do I recognize my own self-worth? which takes a hit, by the way. Mm-hmm. And so you need to then, we do a whole session on you're still there and you're still worthy. You just kind of lost sight of that. I think one of the most powerful sessions for me though were the ones on letting go and forgiveness. And sometimes we think those are the same thing and they are related. But for me it was, it's a head and it's a heart trip. When the divorce first happened for quite a few years, my whole vision of myself and reality was skewed. Pieces were not in balance. And the session on letting go and forgiveness put me back into balance. The letting go is mostly about your head. Get rid of that stinking thinking. You shouldn't should on yourself and just kind of get your mind in a different place. Don't rent space in your head because the only one that's being hurt is you, not the other person. And the one on forgiveness was powerful because forgiveness is not that warm fuzzy Feeling. Forgiveness is an act of your will. It's an act of love for the Lord. And actually, as Catholics, we're commanded to forgive. It's not an option for us. But it's also an act of love for yourself. Forgiveness is not for the other person. It's really for you. It allows you just to release and to get into a better place. And actually, forgiveness was an act of love for my former spouse. Because I released him back to the Lord from all the hurt that he had caused me and all the debts that he could not repay me. And so forgiveness is really a key piece, and it takes a while to get there, but I learned that you don't do it by yourself. God helps you, helps you to do that. So we're excited that we've got another session coming up. We're going to be meeting from September 30th to November 18th. We meet at the Catholic Center on West Main Street from 7 to to 9 PM. And it's open to anyone who's separated or divorced. I will say that it's a co-ed group. So there will be men and women in the sessions. And some people have difficulty with that. And I understand. But the team is always available to talk to anybody who wants to call us or talk to us. So what day of the week is that? We meet on a Wednesday. So it's Wednesday. It's Wednesdays from 7 to 9. And it's from September 30th to November You can talk as much as you want. You can share as much as you want. You can share as little as you want. We're just really there to let you know that you're in our boat and that we will be praying for you and supporting you in any way that we possibly can. So what's the structure of the evening look like? We always open with a prayer. The prayer is to the Holy Spirit to let go of the negativity that we've had and to kind of help us bring that peace. There is a video. on the topic for the week for that particular session. And then a team leader or 2 will be responsible for kind of breaking that down and then relating it to how that chapter relates to things that we've experienced and maybe that you've experienced as well. We do use a book called Divorced Catholic, Now What? It's a great book. It's by Lisa Duffy and Vince Fries. They have both been through divorces. And it's very practical and it's couched in prayer and it's couched in scripture, but it's very practical ways to get through different areas that you're really concerned about. We find that it's a— for me, it was a bonding experience. I bonded with the people who were there as participants. I bonded with the people that were there on team because I knew that I was not alone. And I have to admit, I felt alone when the divorce happened, and I felt like I had a big D on my forehead. Mm-hmm. And that is not the case. There are other people who are experiencing it, and God only has good things for you. I'm always reminded of Jeremiah, his saying that, for I know the plans that I have for you, says the Lord, and they are for your good, and they are for hope for the future. And sometimes you don't see the light at the end of the tunnel, And this session helped me to see that light at the end of the tunnel. So I am a joyful annulled Catholic. I have a story to tell, as we all do. And I hope that if you're in that situation, you would just kind of pray and think about, do you want to join this? If you have questions, you can reach Lee at 859-229-1038, or you can reach Mike at 859-619-8030. Thank you. Or you can go to cdelex.org/joh, and there'll be information and there'll be a way to register if you want. Is there any cost? There's a $50 cost, but that's not mandatory. If you can't pay it, we have enough scholarships. So we're not turning anybody away because they can't afford the $50. So, you know, just Think about it, pray about it. I hope that you consider joining us. It's not an easy journey. I understand it's difficult. There's so many facets that you're not even aware and emotions that are going to come up. But please know that you are not alone. And if you don't feel God at that particular moment, he's always there. We who've gone through the experience, let us be your Jesus with skin on. One of the things that's really good about going through the program or any program here at church or wherever is that you're able to receive God's love. Even going through the annulment, which is difficult, if God leads you to that, I received God's love. I can now proclaim the Gospel. I can proclaim Jesus, that he does love us divorced, separated people. It allowed me to then, you know, go forth to serve joyfully, to be joyful in all that I do, and I'm content. And then to just make disciples. So I feel like I'm a disciple for promoting all the love God has through Journey of Hope. So My prayer is, I will pray for anybody out there who is suffering from separation or divorce, and I hope that you're able to join us. So I don't even need to ask you the mission question because you just said the whole mission anyway. But for those who didn't catch on, it's receive God's love, proclaim the greatness of the Lord, serve joyfully and make missionary disciples of Jesus Christ. And Leigh just encapsulated all of that. into how she participates in the Journey of Hope program. And if you want to get involved in that, it's cvlex.org/joh. Thank you, Jennifer. I appreciate this opportunity to share this because there is good news in this program. Well, thank you so much for joining me today. Thank you. Thank you for listening to Mary Queen Stories. To connect with us, visit mqr.org/podcast. Until next time, And always, Mary, Queen of the Holy Rosary, pray for us. Amen.