Episode 19: “Incomparable Comparers”

There’s something comforting about hearing the words “me too.” As humans, we love assimilation, sameness, fitting in, having things in common… but challenges rise when we inevitably discover how different we are. We’re really good at comparison. This or that? Shrimp fried rice or chicken tacos? Red or blue? Action movies or rom-coms? There is such a thing as a healthy comparison, but what if I told you people were actually never designed to be compared to one another? 

On this episode we’re going to tear down the complex lies of comparison.

Music: “Safe” by Naomi Raine 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

There's something so comforting about hearing the words me too. As humans, we love assimilation, sameness, fitting in, having things in common, but challenges rise when we inevitably discover how different we are. We're really good at comparison. This or that, shrimp fried rice or chicken tacos, red or blue, action movies or rom-coms. There is such a thing as a healthy comparison, but what if I told you that people were actually never designed to be compared to one another? On this episode, we're going to tear down the complex lies of comparison. Welcome to the Safe in Security Podcast.

SPEAKER_01 0:39

I'll be there when it's so too much. Don't shrink back. No, you're not a little touch. Don't you know my love is always new. You are safe here.

SPEAKER_00 1:01

Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to the Safe Insecurity Podcast. I'm your host, your girl, Melody Faith, and this is a safe space for you to be vulnerable and still feel valuable, my friend. We have things to talk about today, as we always do. But for anybody who is joining us here for the very first time, I want to again just say welcome. And you can have a seat on the couch. You could be walking on the treadmill at the gym or lifting weights. I mean, you know, some people get down like that. Um, or you could be winding down at the end of your day, or you could be starting your day listening to this. But wherever you are, whatever you are doing, I want you to know that God is with you. He loves you, he chose you. He looked down at this world, this universe, and decided that the earth needed a you. And he makes no mistakes and he has zero regrets about what he made or who he called or who he chose. So, with that being said, let's get into it today. We are gonna talk about comparison. And this is something that is a really, really uh complex topic. So we're gonna take one little chapter out of the book. By the way, shameless plug. Uh, very, very soon, you heard it here first, I will be releasing my first book. I'm so excited. It's been a very, very long time coming. Anyone who knows me or has been following my ministry and entrepreneurial endeavors for the past few years knows I have been working on this book for a while. So I'm so excited to finally release it. Um, the title is How to Live in Security. And so it just talks about uh basically kind of the same premise as what we do here on this podcast. It's just giving you premise and understanding of where your insecurities are rooted and how to eradicate them, how to pull those bad weeds, right? And plant the good seeds that will that will plant you in the security that the creator God provides. Because he made you, like I said, he makes no mistakes. So if he made you, you are not a mistake. Nothing about you was made wrong or flawed too much for him to use, or uh, you know, you're you're maybe underqualified by man's standards, but he can use anything and he can choose anybody that he pleases. And he chose you. So, with that being said, uh, yeah, and this topic of comparison today is definitely one that we address in the book. So you'll have to get it to hear some more detail. But I did want to jump into it a little bit on the podcast now before the book even comes out. Um, because I really it's just been on my heart a whole lot just seeing all of the things that happen, especially we know social media is a cesspool of comparison, right? We are constantly able to see other people doing uh things that are different than us, and inevitably our human brains just automatically tend to compare. When we see somebody doing something differently than us, then it's a what am I doing? What are they doing? And then you start to weigh the options against each other. You see, what does she look like? What do I look like, right? You know, what do they look like versus what do they look like? How are they doing this versus how they're doing this? And if you have trends, it's always fun to compare trends, right? Like somebody's doing the exact same trend or the same trending sound or the same trending reel or video or whatever, and they're acting it out, but everybody has a different take on it. Like I love doing music trends, and so I have a few of those on my uh on my my Instagram, especially TikTok, and it'll be like taking a sound bite from something somebody sang and adding my own little flair to it, putting a harmony on it, writing a verse to a beat that a producer made or something like that. Because it just helps me, you know, get my creativity out. Um, and ideally, again, there is such a thing as healthy comparison. You are allowed to say this or that. You are allowed to say, I prefer this, right? You are allowed to have preferences and opinions. God made us intuitive creatures. Like we are learned behavioral creatures, we um experience things, and it causes us to uh develop perceptions of the world around us based on our experiences, based on our knowledge, based on our understanding. And, you know, based on how we perceive something, we develop likes and dislikes, we develop affinities, we develop passions and dreams and um desires. You know, none of that is wrong. None of that is wrong. Um, because it is an innate human thing. Again, if I acknowledge that that was wrong, then I would have to say God made a mistake when he gave us the ability to formulate opinions. Y'all going with me? Okay, so that is not wrong. When it becomes wrong is when you start second-guessing one creation because you are looking at another. When you start to belittle one design because you're um esteeming highly another one, right? And so we have to be careful because comparison of creations, essentially, like let's just talk about human creations. We don't even have to talk about, you know, the plants and the animals and all that. That's one thing. But humans, we're not designed to be compared to one another because comparison is actually an insult to the designer when it becomes belittling of one in favor of exalting another. And we have to be really careful about the jealousy that can creep in. I mean, we're going straight there because comparison is directly related to jealousy. Y'all know that insecurity, comparison, envy, they're all like first cousins, right? They all they hang out every summer together. They are besties, okay? They all roll in the same pod. So we have to be very, very careful that when comparison creeps in, that it doesn't bring along its buddy jealousy, right? You can have a thought of comparison. Again, we are human, we are innately formed this way. When I see something black and something green, my eyes naturally go toward the green thing because I like green. As you can see, I'm wearing green today. It is my favorite color, okay? Um, so I love the color green, but that does not mean that there's anything wrong with the color black. So if I start saying black is trash, right? That's that's an unfounded uh conclusion that I have drawn based on my own opinion. And we've we've learned and we've talked about this in previous episodes. Catch up if you're a little behind, it's okay. Um, but we talked about the opinions of people and how they basically mean nothing in eternity. You know, somebody can have an opinion of you and say that you're not good at something, or say that you're too tall or too short or too fat or too skinny or too whatever. They can decide that your voice is too loud, they can decide that your voice is too quiet, they can decide that your gift is not good enough or that your resume is not long enough or whatever. They can decide that you're too anything, right? But all of those words are comparisons based off of something that they have perceived as right or a standard or a favorable conclusion or outcome. Um, that does not necessarily mean that the other is wrong. It just means that that's what they prefer and they are entitled to their opinion. Okay. People need to feel important. It is a real, genuine need. They genuinely need it. Okay, like we need to feel important. That's why we crave validation so much. It is a genuine need. It just gets satisfied in an illegitimate, dis or non-genuine way a lot of times, because we are constantly searching for validation and approval from people that we should be getting from the God who created us. So let's get into it for real. Uh, I I really want to draw our attention to God's original design for a moment. Um like we said earlier, you know, God, the creator, made no mistakes. He makes no mistakes, but he made no mistakes. When he formed man out of the dust of the ground, it was perfect and complete, lacking nothing. That's what the word says. Like he's he's saying, like, you are good just the way you are. You're good. Now, is there room for improvement? Absolutely. You can get better at things, right? We learn, we grow, we evolve, we mature, we gain knowledge and understanding and wisdom. We do good in the earth, we show good in the earth, we show kindness and compassion to other people, we build relationships, all of that makes us better. But does that mean that the previous version of us was bad? No. Do you see how that works? Like, even in your sinful while and now, rebelling against everything God said about you, uh, or insecure, depressed, anxious, uh uh suicidal, I mean, clouded with your own emotions, unstable, emotionally unintelligent, right? If we go to the traumatized version of you that was traumatizing other people, because hurt people hurt people. If we go to the sin-filled version of you that was in darkness and was thinking that they were gonna be fine, and then finally ran into the conclusion like a brick wall that you are not gonna be fine without God, and then you've accepted him, hoping that you've gotten to that point. If you haven't, it is not too late. You can literally acknowledge God right now, believe in him and in the sacrifice that I'm gonna talk about that Jesus made, and confess that he is your Lord and Savior at any given moment, and you will be saved. That's what it says in the Bible. Okay, so the moment that he brought you out of darkness into his marvelous light, that means that you were transformed into a better version of you, right? A better version of you. The original version of you was not bad. You did bad things, you thought bad thoughts, you felt badly, right? There are bad things that happened to you, but you, the core of who you were, your identity, your actual being, your soul is good. God made you good. So, with that as our foundation, I want to draw your attention to a couple of things that God did when he created humans. He formed man out of the dust of the ground. That's what it says in Genesis. He formed him, that means he put his hands on him, he touched it. Everything else, he spoke and it became, right? He spoke and the worlds were formed. He spoke and the stars were in the sky. He spoke and light separated from darkness and water receded from the land, and you know, plants and animals began to spring up. He spoke, he created springs that would come up out of the ground. If you don't know this, like go read Genesis, it's really fascinating. Like there didn't used to be rain, y'all. Like there wasn't rain clouds. There was no need for water to fall from the atmosphere above. It would literally shoot up like geysers out of the ground, and that's how the plants got watered. Um, that's how the animals were able to have fresh water and all that. It would come up out of the ground. God is incredible. Um, so anyway, but the only thing that he chose to put his hands on was people. He chose to put his hands on us. Why? Right? Okay, the next thing that I really want to draw your attention to is he breathed the breath of life into man and man became a living soul. That's what it says. So he breathed into him, he touched him. Why? He made man in his likeness and image. He wanted us to have his DNA and his thumbprint. Like he wanted his imprint on us. We are the only creation that he formed and shaped with his hands, and he blew his literal DNA into us so that our spirits could be directly connected with him and so that we could in some way mirror him in the earth. Like he wanted us to be extensions of who he is. Isn't that amazing? Like, that should make you feel better about yourself already. I don't know about you, but it made me feel better about myself. Um, and you know, if you if you study genetics and stuff, like obviously we know that our breath literally contains our saliva, which is uh, you know, little particulates of our DNA. It's genetic compound that tells somebody you are you. I did an ancestry DNA kit a while back. If you haven't done that, I guarantee you will be fascinated. If you're as much of a detective as I am with finding out things about your family and your origins and, you know, all that kind of stuff. Like it's really fascinating. There's a ton of them out there. There's 23andMe, there's one called Heritage Something, any one of those that you can find, um, find out, you know, where you come from, where your people come from, where your ancestry is. It helps you to understand more things about yourself and about your family line. And you can even find relatives on there. Like I found out, you know, who my great great grandparents were and stories about them that I've pieced together. And it just helps me understand my family history to help me understand better where I'm going and who I come from and what is in me. And so I loved doing that kit. The way that they found out all the details that I just explained to you is I spit in a tube and closed that thing up and mailed it to them. And they ran it through some lab equipment. I am not a geneticist, I am not a scientist like that, but I am a science nerd. So I'm fascinated with the process, but I cannot explain it to you. But some kind of way, they take that spit in the tube and they figure out that this DNA belongs to this one human being. Now that is crazy to me. God has created literally, I mean, there's at least 8 billion people alive on the planet right now. So you think about how many generations of people have existed over time. Now, obviously, like at some point before the world was less populated, right? Some people think it's overpopulated right now, again, opinions, right? Um, so we're not gonna get into the conspiracy theories that follow that. But you know, it's there's there's so many people, and no two are the same. Not even twins are exactly that. I mean, they could be identical twins, like split from the same cell that the egg divided and it created two human beings in a mother's womb, and they're still, and there could be triplets or septuplets for crying out loud, and they would not be, no two would be the same. It's fascinating. They came from the same parents, they just dated for the same amount of time, minus a few seconds, you know. Um, but they're not the same, they have different DNA. It's crazy, and they can share tons of chromosomes, and then there can be just one anomaly. One of them could have a disease and the other one not have it. One of them could have different color hair or different color eyes or different affinities and interests, and like I just there's there's so many different ways that this could go. But my point is when we get into comparing one human to another, there's always going to be a variable in the equation. If you are as much of a science nerd as I am, you already know where I'm going with this. But in a good experiment, there can only be um basically you have to have a control group. In a good experiment, you have to have a control group, and then you have to have other groups that have variables so that you can have an accurate comparison of your data. Um, if you are not a science nerd and you're a little lost right now, just go with me, okay? If you were comparing different types of sodas to each other, okay, if you're from a different part of the US, you might say pop, okay, opinion, whatever, soda or pop, right? Neither word is bad, but just go with me. So if you're comparing different types of sodas together and you say, okay, we're gonna have Sprite, we're gonna have what's some more of your favorites out here. I don't really drink pop like that. I like root beer. Root beer can be in there. Coke. Some people still drink coke, even though it literally can burn the acid off of car batteries. Um, ask me how I know. Please don't drink coke. Uh, Pepsi. Um, you get the idea. Okay, orange soda. We're just gonna throw in some orange and grape and maybe strawberry for the sake of the fun, fruity crowd out there. Okay, so fruit, fruit-loving crowd out there. So if you have all these different types of soda and they're all in cups or cans right in front of you, right? They're all in the same type of vessel or container. But the thing that helps create a control group is if you have or helps create an accurate experiment, is if you have one that is just carbonated water, right? Carbonated water exists in all these sodas. We're just gonna call this like a club soda, just a plain carbonated water is gonna be the first one. That is the control group. So we use that to compare data from each one of these. Now, if you're comparing something like taste, that has a human factor, okay? That's opinion-based. Science is not opinion-based. You can use an opinion to create a hypothesis about something, but then you have to study that hypothesis and create a control group and some variables that you can compare to each other. So, for the sake of our little experiment right now, um, I'm gonna borrow from one I did in elementary school. You guys probably did this too, where you take a little carnation, a flower that has a white top, and you sit it in each one of these cups. If you are a visual, visually stimulated person, you will love doing this experiment, especially if you have kids. This is a really great one. You just get a few different kinds of liquid and stick the same flower in each cup. And then some days later or a week later, you can look at it and it will literally have drawn from the cup because flowers obviously feed off of the moisture. It's gonna have drawn from the cup, and something's gonna have happened to the flower. I'm guaranteeing you the one sitting in the coke is probably gonna die. The one sitting in the sprite might live a little longer. We'll see. You know, but I'm I'm curious if soda does anything. We actually did this experiment in elementary school, but we just used food coloring in water, and so we were able to just see, you know, that the flower absorbed all the blue dye and the red dye or whatever, but nothing happened to the flower. Um, so if you use different liquids, let's say you use oil and you use, oh, I don't know, vinegar and bleach, you know, like different things like that, then you're gonna be pushing your experiment to more limits because now the club soda is no longer the control group. The control group probably has to be something like just plain water or maybe air with nothing in the cup at all. It's just exposed to the same air as everything else. There has to be one thing in the control group that is the exact same for all of the rest of uh the variables. And if it's not, then your experiment is broken and you can't prove anything with a broken experiment. Why am I explaining elementary science fair projects to you? Okay, because if you look at how humans are formed, if you look at how different we are down to a genetic DNA chromosomal level, there is no control group for humanity. None of us can be the control group. We can't say Sally, Becky, and Angelo and D'Angelo, like, and put them all in a group together and accurately compare them to one another. We can't. Because even if these two are twins, or even if these two grew up in the same city, or even if those two have the same hair color and the same eye color, or they're the same height, there is inevitably gonna be a myriad of differences between all of them. And there is no way that you can compare this person's experience to this person's experience. There's no way you can compare this person's lifestyle and choices to this person's lifestyle and choices. Because maybe they made those choices because of their upbringing, and their upbringing was different than yours. So nine times out of 10, I'm I'm gonna just go out on a limb and say 99.9999999% of the time, I'm gonna leave a little tiny fragment of doubt in there, just for all of you who are absolutists out there that may be listening, um, and you, you know, you want to prove me wrong, please debate me in the comments. I'm really open to hearing your thoughts, by the way. If you ever on one of these episodes or a clip you see on social media, if you want to debate me, if you want to throw in your two cents, your opinion, please feel free. Um, I'm not intimidated by anybody's opinion. I'm not intimidated by anybody's belief system or standard. It doesn't have to be the same as mine. But I also will not compare mine to yours in an effort to belittle yours. And I think that that's the way that we hear each other out. That's the way that we grow as a society, is by being open minded enough to listen to your point of view. When I tell you, I have I have debated with people who are devout atheists. Okay, I have talked to people who have converted from Christianity to the Muslim faith or to Buddhism. I have a friend that we grew up together that is a whole Buddhist now. And we grew up and we went to the same Christian non-denominational church. They're a Buddhist now. So I mean, we have real conversations. I have friends who are homosexual or bisexual. And I say friends, you know, like acquaintances and people who I've associated with or that I have history with or that have deep connection with, right? I consider them my friends. Because I know that that term, depending on who you talk to, has a lot of different connotations. In my inner circle, it's people who are pretty like-minded, right? We are not the same, but we have similar things that bind us. We have commonalities that keep us anchored. Like we have the same faith. Me and my husband, I fully believe in not being unequally yoked, right? Um, because that would mean that one of us is inevitably going to be running faster or slower than the other one, and it's going to be hard for us to sustain a marriage for over 10 years. Bless God. And so because we both have faith in Jesus, because we both have certain standards and values and things that we have in common, that has helped us to stay equally yoked with each other. And uh that example in the Bible, by the way, it's not Y-O-L-K, like an egg yolk. It's it's Y-O-K-E. Okay, just go with me if you if you don't know what I'm talking about. Look up scripture, the unequally yoked. I'm a little bit of a grammar nerd too, so you know, it's one that gets on my nerves. People say yoked all the time. I'm like, that's not okay. It's neither here nor there. But the reason why that's in the Bible and what what the metaphor is referring to is a yoke that was placed on oxen's neck. Now, back in the day, they didn't have like power tools and rider lawnmowers and, you know, all this farm equipment and stuff like that. But they had to do agriculture and they had to get from one place to another and they had to, you know, move tents sometimes and gather all their belongings and put on. So they would use animals and usually oxen because they were pretty strong to move things and to be their horsepower, if you will. And so they would put them in this literal yoke. It's a thing that has like two holes in it for the oxen's neck, and they would fasten it around them. And so if there's two of them that are of the same strength, then the cart will plow and, you know, go at a steady pace and all that. But if you have one that's really weak and one that's really strong, then that cart is gonna be doing like this and rocking back and forth and shaking and spilling stuff everywhere and not getting your farming goals accomplished. Um, and so it was best for them to have oxen that were, you know, somewhat of equal strength. And that that's what that example is supposed to be. Just, you know, a little side, little chicken nugget for you to nibble on later. Um, but my point in that is saying, yes, we we value sameness, you know, when it comes to having same standards. Your circle of friends, like your actual, like your road dogs, people that you actually do life with, there should be some commonalities. There should be some sameness, there should be some similarities. But there will also inevitably be a vast amount of differences. And in order for you to keep, to have and to keep said friends, you have to value the differences. You have to not only value the differences, but you have to embrace and listen and give ear and give space and give allowance for the differences. Um, because that's that's the thing that really helps us to evolve as a society, as humans. Um so yeah, I we we, you know, we tend to not be as quick to embrace our differences as we are our similarities. Um, that's the reason why DEI is such a hot button topic in this country. Diversity, equity, and inclusion is literally founded on the fact that we are more of a crock pot, you know, as a nation here in America. If you're listening to this from other countries, you may have some similar things going on in your country as well. But here in the US of A, um, there actually is no such thing as an original American, unless you're talking about like Native Americans that were here before people came from Europe and people were brought over from Africa and people, you know, like people migrated here and claimed this place as theirs. And it has been quote unquote theirs. Um, this is up for debate, you know, because you just put your flag down somewhere and decide, I live here now. Like that's just how the world used to work. And it's real crazy that explorers really could do that. But, you know, they would just, if they were able to dominate whoever was in that place, then it was just theirs. Now, I guarantee you, right now, if somebody came to my front door with guns and shot my husband and kidnapped me and took over my house, like they would think this house was theirs. But it's really not theirs. They just usurped authority and took it. They stole it, right? But stolen goods are not yours. Stolen goods still belong to the person you stole it from, right? And me and I'm being real, I rent my house right now, so it's not even mine. The landlord could at any point decide, right? Okay, so we we have to come back a little bit with our perceptions and just come back to the original intent that God had for humanity and realize that no one is better than anyone, no one is no one is better, no one is worse than anyone. The ground is even at the foot of the cross. That's that's one thing that I like to always say. I've heard somebody say that before. I don't know who it was, but I've heard it a lot of times. And so I've adopted it into my phrase, uh phraseology because I just really believe that if we see each other that way and we stop looking for the differences as ways to point a finger and judge and belittle, then it will help us to grow and help us to evolve and help us to have great relationships too. Like, man, some of my best friends are so different than me. I have best friends that are not even from the USA. Okay. One of my closest friends is uh she's originally born and raised in Bahamas. I actually have a couple friends that are born and raised in Bahamas. Um, I have friends that grew up in single-parent households. I grew up in a two-parent household. I have friends that are white and Asian and Indian, like India-Indian. I have friends that are Mexican, like full. I mean, they help me, you know, I'll be like, vamos a practicar mi español. I mean, like, they help me practice my Spanish, you know. I love having a diverse friend group because it has helped me to become a more all-encompassing and and more dominant human being on this earth, if I can say it that way. Like, God literally, when he put Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, one of the first things that he told them to do was to uh to have dominion, like take domain, to actually like rule in their territories. Like he wanted them to be uh kings and queens, essentially. Like he wanted them to be royalty, but not just in the sense of like being pampered that we think of royalty. You know, sometimes in our westernized civilization we have a mixed view of that, but it's to have more responsibility over more things and to have domain and dominion means that wherever I set foot, whatever I put my hands to, I'm doing it for the glory of God and I'm building his kingdom here, right? That's what he wanted us to do. He wanted us to um be fruitful and multiply. And that doesn't just mean have a bunch of children. Yes, he wanted us to have children. He wanted there to be more people on earth than just Adam and Eve, right? But he definitely also wanted there to be a multiplication that happened in our minds, in the fields that we dominate, in our giftings, in our understandings of the world, right? He didn't want us to be so closed in and closed-minded that we only just see me, my four, and no more, and these four walls in this one place and this. No, he wanted us to branch out. And so, you know, you don't get a chance to do that if you don't embrace the fact that there is different but good out there in the world. Like, just because it's different doesn't mean it's bad. Um, and that brings me back to the jealousy thing, you know, because you are uniquely you. I am uniquely me, right? We we all have a unique combination of gifts, talents, skills, a unique set of life experiences that that set us apart from one another. Uh, but none of those are inherently bad. Now, if somebody is doing if somebody is stealing, because we talked about thieves a minute ago, right? Somebody is stealing, that is bad. That is bad behavior. They are a thief by definition. Is that their identity in Christ? Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Because they still have the potential to return to their original intent of the creator and to be good and to do good. And if we start seeing people through the eyes of Christ, like we will really start to understand that people are inherently created by the creator. They are good at their core, they just do terrible things, they make stupid decisions. Some of them lack common sense, okay? Some of them are hurt and hurt people, hurt people, right? So, on the flip side of that, some of them do really good things. Some of them are famous for doing really, really good things because they're celebrated by a lot of humans. That's how you become a celebrity. You get celebrated by a lot of other humans. Um, you know, so they could be getting their validation from people. And I believe that there are celebrities out here that are at their core still seeking validation from the creator. And that's how they're able to sustain up there without going crazy because it is hard being idolized by people. Man. Um, and we we have a tendency to compare ourselves to these celebrities or to these people that we celebrate, whether they are famous or not, right? To people that we admire. So I could scroll on Instagram and see somebody that I'm like, wow, I love this outfit she has on, and I love the way she dresses and the way she puts all that together. Now, me personally, not a fashionista, right? I actually don't like the fashion industry. We can talk about that another time. Um, I also don't really know much about fashion. I over the years of getting dressed and having to be dressed in front of people and having people dress me, having stylists and stuff, you know, style me for photo shoots and things like that. Like I've learned some things, sort of here, there, give or take. Um, but I I am not a stylist. That's not my gifting. That's not my area, that's not my affinity. I don't, I don't particularly care for it. Okay, if I had it my way, I could wear jeans and a t-shirt every single day and be perfectly fine. Um, I could honestly wear sweatpant joggers and a t-shirt and be even better than that. Um, but that's obviously that's not, you know, sometimes I need to be in business casual. Sometimes I need to dress up. And so it is important to have people in the world that I can look up to in those areas that can help me with fashion and style. Like my my brother is one of them, honestly. Um, and so I intentionally look at and follow accounts, people that will help me just decide what to wear, because that's not a particular skill set of mine. Now, if I look at somebody that I think dresses well and I'm like, wow, they dress so well, and I borrow things from them, like, ooh, I want to put that together. That would be cute on me. There's nothing wrong with that, right? I'm not dressed that way. I'm looking at her dress that way, and I'm saying, wow, I like that. I want to borrow from that, and I make it my own. That is called healthy comparison because I don't have those things in my closet. So I'm comparing my closet to what I see on Instagram. Healthy comparison, right? Unhealthy comparison, when it leans more toward jealousy, is saying, like, oh wow, she's dressed like this. Like, well, since she ain't all that, right? It's belittling. Now, at the core, it just magnified some level of insecurity in me because I don't have something that she has. And now, therefore, I feel less than about myself, but we don't really want to acknowledge that because that would make me feel even less than about my less than self. So instead, I'm gonna belittle her so that we are hopefully arriving at around the same place. And now I've noticed that a lot of people do this obviously in the comments, but some people do it in person. Some people are real bold and they have a lot to say to your face, right? Back in the day, we didn't have Instagram where people could just hide behind a keyboard. I call them the keyboard warriors because they just be just going in, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap on your phone. Like my husband always makes fun of me because I, you know, have these long nails and I um get my phone and I try to like say, you know, tap text somebody or whatever, and he can hear all the taps. He's like, okay. But that's what I just imagine. I imagine somebody just going in in the comments. But if you saw that person in real life, you might not even have the kahunas to say what you just said. It's just because you're hiding behind this profile right now, and I can't actually get to you to cause you any harm. Um, that's neither here nor there. But the jealousy, right? The jealousy is still a major, major factor that we have to address in society because in our inevitable differences, right, we are bound to find somebody who has quote unquote more in an area than we do. If somebody sings better, they're more skilled than you, if they have a longer resume than you, if they have more money than you, if they flaunt how much more money they have than you, if they are in a relationship and you're not, inevitably it somehow is gonna dig. If you already have an insecurity in that area, it's gonna dig at that insecurity. Because the root of insecurity, in my working definition of it, is you have disqualified yourself from something God has already qualified you for. And also, you have decided that God is holding out on you in an area that you feel like you should have. That should get us in trouble. You start feeling like I deserve this, but I don't have it, right? So instead of going to the root, because the real root is you blame God. You blame God that you don't have enough money, you blame God that your wardrobe don't look like that. You blame God that you're not in a relationship yet. And because it's easier to shift blame and point fingers out than it is to look at the other fingers that are pointing directly at you, you know, it seems like it's easier, I should say, because it's really not. It has way more long-term repercussions than self-awareness does. Self-awareness is gonna be your shortest route to healing because it requires vulnerability, it requires humility, and it requires you owning up to the things that you believe about yourself. Um, you know, so it's it's just it's so important for us to address those thought patterns. We cannot get to a point where we're in competition with somebody because they have something that we don't have. Like there are so many people who are in silent competition with each other. Oh my gosh. I mean, you are jealous and just silently competing with this person, and they don't even know they're in a race. They are living their life, and you are racing against them with all of your blood, sweat, and tears. Bless your heart and all your parts. You need to sit down. Sit down, take a chill pill, take a beat, look in the mirror for a moment. Say, why am I running this hard trying to keep up with whoever the Joneses are? You don't need to. Competition. Comparison leads to competition, and competition leads to compromise. Inevitably, at some point, you are going to compromise your standards, your values, your dreams, your actual identity in Christ. Like you are going to compromise something because you are running so hard trying to be someone else. And there's only one of them. There's only one of them, and it already exists. Why are you trying to be them? We gotta let it go. We gotta let go of that jealousy that digs at the insecurity. But that means that we gotta let go of the insecurity that thinks that God is holding out on me. God is not holding out on you, He's just holding you. If you don't have it yet, maybe it's not your time yet. And that's okay too. Trust me, sis, right here, I have a lot of things that I am waiting on God for that other people around me have. Okay. And it's been that way my whole life. It's like that for all of us. Because there will always be something that you long for. There was there's always room for improvement on earth, right? There is room for us to get better. Even if you have a million dollars, there's space for you to make a billion dollars. If you have a billion dollars, there's space for you to go up from there. There's space for you to invest in others if you have a lot. Like there's always going to be space for you to grow or expand and have dominion in some kind of way because God is a God of multiplication. That does not mean that what you have right now is too little. What you have right now can still be used by God. Do not despise what you have looking at what someone else has and thinking that it's greater. God has been doing more with less for his entire career as God. Okay. I mean, think about the creation of the universe. Like he literally formed us out of nothing. Us and everything we see, out of nothingness. And we were somehow in him before the foundation of the world. So he's inexhaustible, he's infinite, he is eternal. We don't know what that's like. We are finite. We don't have it all. And we're not gonna have it all. But we can trust in the God who knows everything. And he knows the timing that we need it in, he knows what we need, when we need it, how we need it. Like he is going to be gyra and supply our needs, but we got to trust him, we gotta obey him, right? Because a lot of our reasons that we might be out of things is because we're not being obedient. So anyway, I want to read this scripture as we close. Uh, because um, and I actually I want to give you three things that will help you beat your comparison. I'm looking at my notes here because I just realized I have a couple other things that I want to share with you. Um, first off, communicate your capacity. Okay. This is a little side note, but communicate your capacity because you're only graced for what you have the ability to steward well. And if you don't have the ability to do something at the rate that someone else is doing it, you got to be honest about that, right? Um, because a lot of times, especially in the workplace, comparison can creep in in the sneakiest of ways and make you feel like you are less of an employee because you're not doing X, Y, Z like so-and-so. Okay. But that's not true. If you are doing your job well, then don't make light of that. Don't be insecure in the position that you're in. There may be a position that they create just for you to do what you do well. But if you're over here trying to be like Nancy in Cubicle Three or be like John in, you know, the office with the view, like you gotta do your job well. Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might. So three things that will kill comparison. You ready? Commitment to your own vision, purpose, and growth will kill comparison every time. Commitment to your own, commitment to your own lane. That means focusing on what you are called to do, focusing on what you desire, focusing on what God gave you and how you can get better and how you can set your own personal record, being self-aware, like, but that commitment to yourself that will help kill comparison. Next, contentment. Contentment will kill comparison every time. Gratitude kills discontentment. So if you ever find yourself being discontented with what you have compared to somebody else, just be grateful for what you have. Say, you know what? I have this. Start taking inventory of what you do have, and it will cause gratitude to arise. And then eventually your soul will calm down and become more content. Even though you don't have it yet, you can bring that petition to God and you can say, Lord, this is what I desire. This is what I want. He wants to hear about what you want, he cares about you, right? Okay, third thing, compassion. And this goes hand in hand with celebration, I think, because compassion and celebrating others, really. Compassion. If you are compassionate, that means that you are thinking of others before yourself. So we talked about commitment to yourself, right? And then contentment with what you have. But compassion brings others into the view in a healthy way because you start seeing them through the eyes of the God who created them too. He made you and he made no mistakes, but he made them and he makes no mistakes. He gave them what he saw fit to give them in his timing, too. So as I'm celebrating with other moms, and I'm, you know, my godson's about to turn five years old. Old. I can't believe it. Um, you know, I remember when he was born and I remember what a miracle rainbow baby he was because my friend had had a miscarriage and gave birth to him like a little over a year later. It was really a miracle, it was amazing. And I'm looking at the fact that he's five and I get to call him my godson. Like I that warms my heart so much I could cry. Uh, I think about how I've celebrated with so many other mamas. Like my husband and I have done photo shoots and video shoots for gender reveals and pregnancy announcements, and I've been to countless baby showers. Okay. Like I used to coordinate events and I used to have a lot of baby shower moms. And um, you know, before I was married, I sang it. I called myself the 27 Dresses Girl because I sang at everybody's wedding, coordinated everybody's wedding, did everybody's wedding, right? Learning how to have compassion for someone else's situation. Like maybe they waited too. Maybe they have a scenario and a set of variables that came with their story too. And it would do you the best to just compassionately celebrate them. And you never know. Like I've heard my pastor say a lot of times like, if God is doing blessings for other people around you, that means he's in your neighborhood. So you could be next. You just never know. Read this scripture and we're gonna get out of here for the day. Lord, I love you. I am so grateful for even this platform to be able to share with all of you like things that God shares with me because I truly believe that there is power and healing in our vulnerability. James 3, verses 14, and then I'm gonna skip down to 16. But if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your heart, don't cover up the truth with boasting and lying. For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, you will find disorder and evil of every kind. Let's just sit in that for a moment. So jealousy is actually the thing that is causing the storms. Maybe it's not that you're disqualified, or maybe it's not that God is holding out on you. Maybe it's that you need to check your heart and let go of the jealousy and let go of the ambition to be like someone else. Maybe it's that you really just need to stop being dishonest with yourself. I mean, you said, you know, don't cover up the truth with boasting and lying. Some people puff themselves up to make them feel better because they're really very insecure. So I hope that's not you, but if it is, let's pray. Lord, we thank you that you give us all of the keys to defeat comparison and insecurity in our lives. And you help us in our weakness. In our weaknesses, that is where your strength is perfected. And it's where it has the most place to shine and the most glory that you get, God, because you can see an empty vessel and you can fill it to overflowing. So in the things that we don't have, in the areas where we're not sure, in the areas where we don't feel like we fit in or we're the same, God, help us to see where we can stand out. Help us to see where we can set our own new personal records. Help my listeners, Lord God, to see themselves in the mirror and love what you made. Help them to fall in love with the sound of their voices. Lord, help them to fall in love with the giftings and the talents that you gave them because you make no mistakes. And help them to see the world around them, including those other people that we're down here with, that we have to do life with, God, and that we get to do life with, God. Help them to see those other people through your eyes and to have compassion for them and their set of variables and to celebrate them without jealousy. In Jesus' name. Amen. Don't compare yourself to anyone else. You are uniquely you on purpose. I love you. I'll see you next time.