Ep 28 | From Burnout to Business Owner with Bianca Gay

What happens when you stop trying to make a career path linear and start asking what kind of work actually makes sense for you right now? 

In this episode of In Her Words, I sit down with Bianca Gay, owner of Three Coupe Society, a small business focused on crafting intentional beverages and collaborating with local businesses to curate thoughtful drink experiences.

Bianca shares her journey from UX researcher at Foot Locker to entrepreneur, the burnout that finally pushed her out the door, and how she and her husband are building something rooted in community, creativity, and collaboration one intentional drink at a time.

Topics Discussed in the Episode

• Navigating constant change and ambiguity in corporate as a Black woman
• Burning out with a plan — and running toward something, not just away
• Co-running a business with your spouse as two introverts
• Why Three Coupe Society runs on word of mouth and values alignment
• Creativity practices that embrace process over perfection
• Letting go of the linear career path and following what gives you energy

About Bianca Gay

Bianca Gay is the owner of 3 Coupe Society, a small business focused on creating thoughtfully-crafted drinks and collaborating with local businesses to curate intentional beverage menus. They host events that encourage a community curious about what’s in their coupe!  She is also a freelance operations specialist, which allows her to blend her experience as an Experience Researcher and Operations Manager by helping other businesses solve organizational challenges and establish strategic priorities.

Connect with Bianca Gay

instagram: @3coupesociety

website: 3coupesociety.com

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/biancagay 

Season 2 reflection exercises https://www.learnmindfully.co/store

Grab Consciously Crafting Your Career Path: https://www.learnmindfully.co/store

Connect with Roberta on LinkedIn 

If this episode sparked new insight, please consider rating, following, or reviewing the show. It’s the best way to help more people find and benefit from these vital conversations. Thanks for listening!

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

I I don't really think about career paths at all. I just think about what makes sense for me and what kind of and ask myself what kind of work should I be doing right now? And what kind of work have I done in the past and what has brought me joy and comfort in the past with the work that I've done and what hasn't. And then try to go from from there.

SPEAKER_04 0:23

Welcome to In Her Words. This podcast is for women navigating through change, career, identity, motherhood, and just figuring out what's next. I'm Roberta Dembrowski, host of In Her Words and founder of Learn Mindfully. Each episode, I sit down with women who are asking big questions, navigating transitions, and trying to make sense of life as it shifts. You don't have to have it all figured out. You just need space to be real. Let's get into it. With me today, I have Bianca Gay. Bianca is the owner of ThreeCoupe Society, a small business focused on creating thoughtfully crafted drinks and collaborating with local businesses to curate intentional beverage menus. Welcome, Bianca. Thank you. We know each other. We've met over four years ago when you were a researcher at Foot Locker. I'm curious, what was your experience in corporate America like?

SPEAKER_03 1:22

Oh my goodness, that's such a heavy question. Yeah. Yeah. So I left Foot Locker um maybe 16 months ago. So I've been thinking a little bit about like what my experience has been like. I think if you asked me when I was freshly out, I would feel very differently than I do today, which is great. But I think my experience was I would say that it was a little stressful, of course. I mean, corporate life. But I think that it was very, I think it pushed me to reevaluate some of the decisions that I was making when it came to the type of work I wanted to be doing day to day. And that's something that we've we've talked about in the past when we were working together. But I really think that it pushed me to move forward and move past working in corporate. So I would say the Foot Locker, I said stressful, uh, mostly because, you know, I was new to UX research when I entered Foot Locker was my first full-time tech. You know, I was like so excited to be in tech, excited to transition and and really try something new. So in that way it was stressful, you know, in the ways of being a newbie and and learning to, you know, adapt to corporate and being a researcher. So that was tough. But at the same time, I think one of the major stressors were was uh navigating ambiguity. Like there were just so many leadership changes, structural changes, changes. Uh I went I jumped departments like three or four times while I was there, my three and a half uh years there. So I think in that way, it was it was a lot for me. I had a hard time navigating the changes, navigating who I was reporting to, navigating what I was reporting. It was sort of, I think after year two, I started to realize that every six to eight months, there would be a major change. And I think that was one of the most difficult parts for me. And of course, there's a typical standard, like you're navigating corporate as a black woman. I have those things happen as well. Uh, but you layer on the constant change. I mean, in me being a newbie and trying to grow my career. It was it was stressful for me. And I think it again pushed me to reevaluate. Is this a good space for me? Is that navigating this these types of changes something I want to do? And is it something that is challenging me for the better so that I can better navigate change? Because sometimes that's inevitable in the corporate space, or is it something where I perhaps could thrive in a more uh stable space? Maybe it's not a challenge that I want to embrace. So I think it pushed me to ask those questions of myself and and eventually step away.

SPEAKER_04 4:11

Yeah, I'm actually having like a full circle moment to sessions that we had now that we're getting into it. Cause I remember you were talking about the desire for stability. And I was like, well, change is constant, but just because you ha can endure the change, do you need to? Like, is this a choice that you would sign up for? Because there's almost like when we're in corporate, we're in or any business for that matter, we're in relationship with other people through the the business lens. But it is like a waking up every single day of like, do I would I choose this? Would I choose this company, this past, this environment every single day if I if I had to right now? And for you, it sounded like no, I don't choose this anymore.

SPEAKER_03 4:58

Yeah. And it's the balance of, you know, am I asking myself the right questions? Which is a very like UX research approach to everything? Like, is this is the question today, am I choosing the right thing? Or is it, am I being brave enough in this space? Am I challenging myself enough in these in this space? Is this constant change actually a healthy thing to be navigating as a person, as a human? Or is it something I can like, can it be a transferable skill in the future? So it's like a constant questioning of, you know, is this space right for me?

SPEAKER_04 5:35

Absolutely. I I can tell you firsthand listeners definitely have experienced the same thing. You often have to ask yourself, like, just because I can, should I? And then when you're constantly changing and dealing with the change, it impacts your nervous system and impacts you energetically too. So I imagine that was maybe something you were dealing with at the time.

SPEAKER_03 5:57

Yeah, I think so. I think that my nervous system does not do very well with like a quick change without conversation around why or how. And I did feel like there were times I just woke up and suddenly everything was different, and there weren't conversations that were being had about why the change would be made and you know, how they would impact me and my position and the people that I worked with. And we just kind of had to be uh, what's the word where it's sort of like you just roll with the punches, you know, just kind of go with the flow of the change. We had to, we were kind of forced to embrace change. And that doesn't work well for me working, but also on a personal level. I actually like change. I'm thinking about like, I know we're gonna dig into this a little bit, but when I think about my my business, I think about like how much we embrace change and we're very open to like sort of like molding our uh work into something that works for us at the time, right? So change is changes. What is it? Uh Octavia Butler's change is God, God is change, or something like that. I love her, but essentially I know that change is everything, that's the only constant. And but I do think there needs to be some grounding if there's going to be change or some intentionality if there's going to be change.

SPEAKER_04 7:22

Absolutely. And so, like, as we're talking about change, you obviously made the big shift of transitioning from corporate to your own business. You mentioned earlier, if we asked you right when it happened, we might get different answers. What was the immediate transition if you were to think back to like the first few months when you were going through it? What was happening for you?

SPEAKER_03 7:45

Well, I was burnt out. This was the first time I left a job where I actually most of my jobs and my careers, I leave because I was burnt out. And it is an immediate, like I have to leave. In this case, I actually figured out that I had to leave. I think I gave myself like an eight to 10 month buffer, and we kind of talked about like an exit strategy. So I was burnt out. I knew I was eight to 10 months earlier, and I was sort of working my way up to exit out of my corporate job at Foot Locker. And at the time, you know, I was just, I was just exhausted, burnt out. A lot of it had to do with a lot of the work that I was doing. Like I was being instructed to push out a lot of research, but a lot of that research wasn't being used. And we all knew that it wasn't going to be used. So I wasn't seeing the impact of my work. So I had that kind of burnout going on. There was major let goes in my department. So that was also a huge contributor. Again, the leadership changes. I just was just drained and tired and questioning if UX research as a career was even a good fit for me. And and also at the same time, I knew I wanted to start a business. So I was like, I kind of felt this pull of wanting to just like blow everything up and start this business and hope for the best.

SPEAKER_01 9:08

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:09

But luckily, I, you know, I really went in with a plan. So when I left, I made the plan of I had a certain amount of money saved up. I was re-evaluating my home expenses. So me and my husband had a long conversation about pulling back on things so we could afford me leaving for a while. I took a self-trip. So I like the two days after I left, I took a trip out to Seattle, visited a friend, and took a train down the coast because I just had to get away.

SPEAKER_04 9:40

Amazing.

SPEAKER_03 9:41

It was great. And then I spent a couple days in LA. So that was a part of it, like I think taking care of myself. And then I came back and jumped into a business entrepreneurship cohort so that I can start my business because I knew I wanted to do that. But yeah, I felt burnt out, but I felt like I had a plan.

SPEAKER_04 10:00

And that was good. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I always ask people like, are you running away from something or running towards something? And it sounds like, yeah, you were at this moment where like you were burned out, but you had something that you were starting to run towards. You knew that you wanted to start a business, didn't necessarily like have the whole plan put together to start, but there was like hope on the other side that you were moving towards. For sure.

SPEAKER_03 10:25

Yeah. And that was, I think, what separated me leaving a position in this scenario versus previous experiences. Like I did really feel hopeful. It was a burnt out. I was like, I did feel like I was running away from a career, but I did feel like I was running toward something that could make me feel happier. So it felt, it felt like it all made sense, even though at the moment it was very chaotic. Leaving a job is a lot.

SPEAKER_04 10:54

Yeah. There's mourning. I'm sure there's mourning from that part of your identity as well. Cause you mentioned like first role in research, you're in tech, you're in this environment. And then now it's it's taking this leap of faith and not knowing what's going to be on the other side quite yet.

SPEAKER_03 11:10

Absolutely. Yeah. And then also, I'll be, I'll be honest, like there's some societal pressures of leaving. You know, I was doing really well in corporate. I was like slowly, I got a promotion, you know, the highest position at the company as a UX researcher I could get. I I was looking at other opportunities to move forward in the career. Possibly, I mean, not that I really wanted to, but I knew that I could. And there was a lot of pressure to like move in a certain direction in my career. And I think that was tough to push back on. And then I had folks kind of, you know, family and friends kind of looking at me funny when I decided to leave this cushy job, you know, in in corporate at a Fortune 500 company. And I I really had to say, hey, I've got to quit and I'm gonna go hop on this plane and then take a train.

SPEAKER_04 12:00

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What did like what did you do? How did you describe it to family? How did you deal with kind of their because it's almost like their values that they're instilling on you, on your decision that you're making for yourself? How did you kind of navigate that?

SPEAKER_03 12:16

Yeah, that's a really good question. I I feel like I it was a trial and error. I didn't I didn't go on with a plan of how I would inform people, but I could tell that, like initially, I think I shared with my mom first. And in my conversations with her, I overexplained a lot because I felt like I needed to make sense of the decisions that I was, yeah, and justify, yeah, the decisions I was making. And it made her feel better, you know what I mean? But I think leaving that conversation, I didn't feel good. I felt like I had to again justify how I felt and the decisions that I was I was making. So then from that point forward, I kind of just simplified it. You know, it was it was very much I wasn't happy. I strategically left my job, and now I'm going to build a business and or just decide what's next for me. And that's that, you know?

SPEAKER_04 13:16

Yeah, no explanation needed. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:20

But luckily, I do have close friends who have known me for years who were sort of like, oh yeah, that makes sense.

SPEAKER_02 13:27

Like, like you are happy, it's fine. And I'm like, okay, thanks. And also, why did you tell me?

SPEAKER_04 13:34

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I think you you speak really clearly about the societal pressure and like the it's almost like what the vision of success is, because everyone has their own vision of success, and especially within our family systems, we can inherit those. And when we are the first to escape something or try something new like our own business, it can be very scary, and we can try to justify our decisions and share why we're doing it. When yes, the family support would be great, but it's not always there. That's very true.

SPEAKER_01 14:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 14:10

Tell us a little bit more about ThreeCoupe Society.

SPEAKER_03 14:14

Okay. So ThreeCoop is the brainchild of me and my husband. So what we do is we curate beverages and beverage menus for individuals, for party planners, for small businesses, and we sort of collaborate with them to come up with one-off beverages for their specific event. So it's very thoughtfully and intentionally done. Our goal is to like make sure that people are being really curious about what they're putting in their bodies and like also having a good time doing it. Our clients have spanned anywhere from people who have specific products and they want to match that product with a beverage. So we worked with THC folks who have like gummies, and those gummies have specific flavors, and they're like, oh, can you please help us come up with a mocktail to go with that so that our, you know, the people who are engaging with our gummies can also have like an elevated experience in a beverage. So we've done things like that. We've done specific themed events as well, and then we work with people to come up with like beverages where they can either craft them on their own or we can sort of bring it to the event and drop it off. Wow. Yeah, it's all it's a lot of fun, I would say. Like very R speed, very, very much like we take a look at what people need and go from there and see what we can do. So yeah, it's awesome. And and it comes from we used to throw cocktail parties a couple years ago with family of friends, and we used to do a short, short menu of food and beverages, and people were obsessed. So we were like, well, maybe we can make this a thing, you know, maybe we can bring this to different communities and spaces, and that's what we've been doing.

SPEAKER_04 15:58

Yeah, I love that. It's so interesting, the business, because I it blends like a product, which is what you're building, like you're crafting the beverages, but then also like experiences too, the way that you're describing it. It's very seems very community and people and heart-led.

SPEAKER_03 16:16

Yes, definitely. Like the experience part of it is really important to us. When we do serve, we try our best to make it so that we can talk to the folks that are engaging with what we make and then let them know what's in it, and then ask for their opinion and then see how it makes them feel. So it's very much a like social experience beyond just the physical product, which is like our favorite, our favorite thing.

SPEAKER_04 16:42

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and I think so needed too in this kind of time of the world where we're also isolated too. Like, what a beautiful way to bring people together.

SPEAKER_03 16:52

That is the plan, that's the goal, the constant strive to bring people together and just like have a good time and maybe take a moment away from the chaos that's going on around us. Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_04 17:05

I'm really curious because you've gone into business with your your husband, right? How is that? How is it working with your partner?

SPEAKER_03 17:13

Yeah, it's it's really good. I would I would say that in the beginning it was a little tough, mostly because he works a full-time job. I do now as well, which I don't think I've shared with you. But I just know congratulations. You got the job.

SPEAKER_02 17:27

I got the job. Yeah, I got the promotion.

SPEAKER_03 17:30

So and typically I'm not celebrating getting like a full-time job, but this one I'm like, this is a good fit. So I'm excited. Nice. But yes, we both work full-time. But when we started off, you know, I had left Foot Locker, he was working full-time, and I was taking lead, and we hadn't really decided who would do what and how. We started in October of 2024, and I think our first event was in February 2025. It was kind of difficult in the beginning, sort of getting a sense of who would do what. And he's really more of the creative mind when it comes to putting drinks together and putting like flavor profiles together and being just being able to make sense of the concepts for some of the beverages that we were putting together. So he was on the creative end, but then there's so many other aspects of the business that go beyond that, and I was sort of doing everything else. That's a lot. Yeah, it was. I started like I did a lot of, I mean, I was in the cohort, the business cohort through Humanities Centered at the time, and all of that groundwork I did, and he was sort of just helping create craft the beverages for the events. So there was a mismatch of I think contribution, but also he was working full-time. So we had to navigate that for a while. And then I started to I picked up a part-time job and I was like, I need some more support with the business if we want to actually, you know, get off the ground. So a lot of like push and pull in terms of who will do what, how who's gonna help out when sort of on the fly, as things were happening, we were like tagging in. And now I think we have a better sense of who is doing what. And we've talked about sort of there's a couple of things we've we've talked about like boundaries in terms of because there's some things that each of us really dislike and do not do well. For example, we're both introverts and a lot of our events are in person. So we have to talk about who's gonna be the vocal person this time around, who's gonna be the one doing the talking and connecting, who's gonna sit behind the scenes and mix the drinks. So we we've had much more intentional conversations about like who's contributing, when and how, based off of our abilities and like our physical capacity. And I think because of that, things have been running much more smoothly. So far, so good. And it's it's just a constant conversation.

SPEAKER_04 20:08

Yeah, absolutely. Thank you for sharing that. And that was one of my questions I was gonna ask you because I am an introvert as well. I'm curious how is it influencing you as a business owner? It sounds like you and your husband are kind of dividing up the publicly facing stuff, but is there anything else that you noticed about how being an introvert kind of influences your business?

SPEAKER_03 20:31

Yeah, that's a good question. So, yeah, definitely dividing and conquering with the with the in-person events. I also think that speaking about our our business in general, typically, so I am an introvert, but I realize that I can be extroverted when I care deeply. So when it comes to talking to people about what we do, I can be very extroverted. So that is often my I lead with that role. Or when it comes to like creating things that storytell about what we do, I can be the lead in that role. My husband, he again is a creative, you know, person. He can nerd out with so many people about, you know, different culinary like approaches. And so in that way, he's a huge extrovert. Like I'll just see him open up and just start talking to people and connecting because he's really passionate about those things, right? But then he gets kind of nervous when it comes to other aspects. So I think as an introvert, if something really speaks to like at my core what I'm passionate about, then it works really well. Well, for me and my husband's like that as well. I also think I've just had to challenge myself to be a more vocal and I would say like bold person, even. There are times where I've had to sell, which is like I mean, I started a business and selling to me is cringy.

SPEAKER_01 21:56

Yeah, same.

SPEAKER_03 21:57

Yeah. There have been times where I've had to to. sell. And to me, sometimes that can be a very extroverted thing to do in our society. I don't think it's inherently extroverted, but in many spaces it is. And that's been a challenge for me. But I've had to really just step outside of outside of maybe what causes me to sort of be a little bit more reclusive when it comes to selling and be more in alignment with the fact that I know that I am like selling for me is less about making the sell and more about bringing together like my what my service and another organization and like creating something beautiful.

SPEAKER_04 22:40

Yeah. It sounds like it's more on the relationship building versus like the gotta make the quota, gotta like the hustle kind of perception of selling that like corporate has, but it's more of the relational like do our values match like how can I be of service? How can I deliver deliver an amazing experience?

SPEAKER_03 22:58

Yeah I I think so for sure. And we're very picky and choosy about our clients too. So that does make selling a lot easier where we don't even advertise like our business on social media or like on digital platforms really besides our website. We're a word of mouth business. So oftentimes we get connected to people who have like similar similar ideas and similar missions and values so so definitely like it's nice to connect with those folks and build relationships with them and it's easier to sort of sell which is really just collaborate because our business is about collaborating with other people.

SPEAKER_04 23:39

Yeah amazing I am curious so you are you you've described your husband as very creative but I know that you are creative also. Do you have any favorite rituals or creativity practices that you like to incorporate into your day yes so a couple of things these are all new things for me.

SPEAKER_03 23:56

So funny enough I actually have a creative writing background. So in that way I consider myself a creative writer sort of I'm a little removed from it but I do journal on a regular basis and that's really useful as a practice for me. And journaling for me used to be just writing you know how I'm feeling that day but now I've been doing sort of a sketch and writing journal. So it's sort of like sketching words whatever's coming to mind for me which is great. And ritual is such a funny word to me because it's not that I have a cadence it is more of when it feels right I engage with it. So in that way it's a ritual also I just signed up for a drawing and watercolor class. Ooh which is a big deal for me because I've been talking about learning to draw and kind of paint since I was in my early 20s. Wow so I'm like reacquaint myself with that with that goal to at least learn it and now I feel a lot less pressure. I don't feel like I need to be an amazing artist.

SPEAKER_04 25:10

I just want to try something new you know yeah and water watercolor is great for that too because you're there's lots you're literally using an element it's constantly moving yeah and you gotta adapt with it. So yes have you tried watercolor before I have yeah I took a watercolor class I want to say maybe eight years ago seven or eight years ago I used to do some community art classes um really hard I'm a perfectionist in a lot of ways and art is I have a block just from like growing up with art where it's like I have this vision of what I want and then just so abstract art is better for me than uh portraits or anything like that.

SPEAKER_03 25:59

So yeah yeah I actually connect deeply with that statement. I I become a little bit of a perfectionist when it comes to like creating things and for a while that created some resistance and even engaging. So I've been trying this new thing where I'm just going to create for the sake of creating without any real like goals in mind other than to learn. And it's been it's been life changing I would say to just engage in something without any expectations.

SPEAKER_04 26:34

Yeah absolutely absolutely I'm excited my son just turned one this past week but him being able to start to do arts and crafts because I think that will also bring me into what you're talking about. Cause it's like a one year old a two year old like they're not creating like a masterpiece they're just like they want to have fun and enjoy. And so I'm looking forward to that phase of being able to hold space and explore and be creative with him too. So oh I love that I love that I really hope that pushes you to just like go in with you know the expectation just to try oh now I might try that with my nieces you know yeah yeah love that approach absolutely so thinking back when we first met you reached out about your career path and you you were at this inflection point of deciding like research and stuff like that. You're a business owner now you have a full-time role I'm curious how do you think about career paths now?

SPEAKER_03 27:34

Oof I feel like now the word career to me doesn't really mean it doesn't hold much weight. Even the idea of like career path because I've noticed that in the past the idea of having a career path has been like limiting for me. Yeah. In the sense of I felt like there needed to be a step-by-step process to get to a certain space or my career the work that I did needed to be linear. And when I realized that the word career never mean doesn't mean much to me, then I started to just kind of break down the idea of a career path as like not being a non-existent thing. And that's why I'm doing things like after spending what three and a half years as a UX researcher you know leaving that jumping into a business but also going back to so I just got a full-time position as a studio lead at a Pilates studio. And I've been doing studio I've been working at yoga studios for years part-time while having a career and if I think about a sort of a career path as supposed to be linear coming back to it as someone who's you know had several careers kind of feels kind of you know it it negates that that trajectory that I'm supposed to be on. So I think that like I I don't really think about career paths at all. I just think about what makes sense for me and what kind of and ask myself what kind of work should I be doing right now and what kind of work have I done in the past and what has brought me joy and comfort in the past with the work that I've done and what hasn't and then try to go from from there. So it's led me to a lot of like non-traditional things and work opportunities that don't look like a path. I think if I were to chart my jobs it wouldn't look like it would be a path I guess because technically it's movement, right?

SPEAKER_01 29:37

But it would not be a constellation.

SPEAKER_03 29:40

Yeah yeah yeah I could see that yeah I could see that but it would definitely look it would look interesting and I'm I mean I'm completely open to it looking however it's supposed to look for me.

SPEAKER_04 29:54

So yeah I love that it's so funny as you describe that the process of like what's motivating you energizing you what didn't give you energy that is what we worked on together. And so it's really beautiful to hear that you still carry that with you and the and thinking really about like values how do you want to show up because work is one part it doesn't need to be a full on career it could be a for a season a reason it's been really beautiful to witness and be on the journey with you over the last few years.

SPEAKER_03 30:26

Oh that's so sweet. No I'm like extremely thankful that you know we you were able to sort of help guide me toward like reimagining what work could look like for me. Because I think at the time I was just kind of like I hate everything I hate labor. I was just I was really struggling personally with the idea of work. And I think again like the reframe just a constant reframe and reimagining of like what it is that I can do with the grounding of honestly at the end of the day I do have to make a living I do have to pay bills. I do have a family I you know and I don't want to make it too fluffy. Yeah because absolutely there are things I do have to take care of. And at the same time I can take care of those things and still be in alignment with what I value, what I believe and what I honestly the spaces I want to contribute to. Which these were not thoughts I had before we had our conversations about what what work and what career can look like for me. So I'm like extremely thankful for that because I'm very happy to have a different framework.

SPEAKER_04 31:34

Yeah yeah the feeling is so mutual well we are at the point where we have to transition how can listeners connect with you if they want to get in touch yes okay so you can connect with my business threeCoop Society via Instagram at threecoupe society.

SPEAKER_03 31:53

My website is threecoopsociety.com and then I mean LinkedIn if you just start to Bianca gay there's a million but I'm the one that's we'll link it yeah we'll link it there.

SPEAKER_04 32:04

But yeah amazing thank you so much Bianca for coming on really really lovely to hear your background and your journey we so appreciate it. Thanks for having me thanks for being here if something in this episode landed with you feel free to pass it along to someone who might need it too you can leave a review subscribe or just keep tuning in we're figuring it out together. And remember your story your voice your becoming it all matters