The Confidence Shortcut with Niki Sterner

#4: From Fixed Mindset to Growth

• Niki Sterner • Season 1 • Episode 4

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When was the last time you let fear of failure stop you from pursuing something important? This candid conversation dives deep into the paralyzing effects of a fixed mindset and reveals how believing "if I'm bad at something, that's my forever thing" can keep us stuck for decades.

Through vulnerable storytelling, we explore a transformative approach to rediscovering and pursuing long-buried dreams. The "three lists" exercise—identifying childhood heroes (Star List), acknowledging natural talents (Success List), and confronting fears (Scared List)—creates a roadmap for authentic growth. Rather than waiting to feel ready, we discover how deliberately seeking discomfort builds the courage muscle and generates momentum.

What's particularly fascinating is the mindset routine shared that transforms pre-performance anxiety into excited anticipation. By clearing negative thoughts with a neutral statement ("The first blizzard is December 1st") followed by empowering affirmations, we can rewire our emotional response to high-pressure situations. This technique, adapted from sports psychology, proves remarkably effective for creative expression and public speaking.

The conversation takes a powerful turn when discussing how women can lift each other up in creative pursuits. There's a palpable shift happening from competition to community, where seeing another woman succeed becomes inspiring rather than threatening. By sharing our authentic voices and supporting others doing the same, we create ripple effects that expand possibilities for everyone.

Ready to stop overthinking and start taking bold action? Grab the free Confidence Kickstart Morning Routine in the show notes—it's the daily practice that's helping thousands build sustainable confidence through consistent habits rather than waiting for courage to magically appear.

New episodes every week — packed with honest conversations, mindset tools, and real-life shortcuts to help you silence your inner critic, build true confidence, and take bold action.

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Niki Sterner:

Welcome to the Confidence Shortcut, the podcast for ambitious creatives and entrepreneurs who are ready to stop overthinking, take bold action and finally step into the life they've been dreaming about. I'm your host, nikki Sterner, mom, actor, comedian and producer. After years of playing small and waiting to feel ready, I went on a courage quest and found a shortcut to confidence. Each week, I'll bring you real stories, simple steps and conversations with experts. In mindset courage and confidence, plus heart-to-hearts with fellow creatives who are turning their dreams into reality. It's time to get unstuck and start showing up. Let's dive in.

Micah Caldwell:

Anyway, back to you. Yeah, so you said it was a 25-year journey to get you to where you are now and that you were stuck. But but why did it take so long for you to make that change?

Niki Sterner:

I think it was because I felt like if I was bad at something, that that was my forever thing, like it was a fixed mindset. That was my issue. I didn't have a growth mindset. I wasn't allowing myself to be bad before I was good. I felt embarrassed if I was bad at things.

Niki Sterner:

I took my first acting class in college my freshman year, and it was an improv class or introduction to acting and I remember my acting teacher playing the game where you say your name and you do an action and she was like Peggy and I remember just saying my name and doing something. But I was so just anxious in the class and I was like how can I feel this anxious and still be an actor? Like, obviously that's not for me. And so I didn't take another acting class and I just focused on dance team because I love dancing and I was comfortable and I was good at it.

Niki Sterner:

But one of the ways to figuring out what you actually love to do or want to do with your life or what your long-term dream, just remembering it and how I did that was the three lists and that's your star list, your success list and your scared list. So your star list is who did you look up to when you were younger? Right? So you probably have people I had, like I said earlier Paula Abdul, julia Roberts, dolly Parton yes, that's right, dolly Parton for you, exactly, yes, perfect. So, singer, actress, all the things right, probably a triple threat. And then so you look at those people and then you reverse engineer what did they do? Why do I want to be like them? And then you've got your success list what am I good at? What were you good at?

Micah Caldwell:

I was a good musician yeah, but that was not something that was encouraged. I was good at school yeah, it's always an overachiever, yeah.

Niki Sterner:

So that makes sense. You're very good at what you do. I can tell like you're very disciplined, you get things done, you're very creative, you're funny, you're all the things, yeah, so you definitely are one of those overachievers who takes school seriously, who takes your job seriously, all of it. So, same, I felt like I was a good athlete. I was on a basketball team that went to state my junior and senior years. I had a free throw record that still stands Um, yeah, fun stuff. And then I was a good dancer. I won like a scholarship and then I got on the dance team. In college I ended up being one of three valedictorians in my class. I felt like I really enjoyed learning, like you do. I love being in class. I love that. The third list is the scared list, and the scared list is just everything that I was afraid of, which is, of course, using my voice. Anytime I got on stage in high school, I did pageants and when I would have to answer the question, I was like that girl who just made no sense on stage.

Micah Caldwell:

Exactly, and world peace.

Niki Sterner:

So they asked me a question about what I would put in one of those things you bury underground like a time capsule.

Micah Caldwell:

Time capsule.

Niki Sterner:

Yeah, and I just remember being like I would put a heart-shaped necklace in there because I love love. It made no sense whatsoever, it was so bad. So there was that moment and I was just so embarrassed. And then I did another pageant in college, right after college, and I actually trained for it. I set myself up for success, where I wrote out my interview questions and I studied them and I read a book and I was in the gym every day doing leg workouts on the bicycle to get my legs in shape for the bikini portion of it. I gave a speech at my graduation as a valedictorian and I just remember being so nervous about it and I played music under my speech. So I don't even know if people could hear me. Like it was so bad. Oh no, yeah, so bad. I just wanted to drown my voice out because I was not confident.

Niki Sterner:

Confidence doesn't come first. Action and habits do. That's why I created the Confidence Kickstart Morning Routine, a 15-minute free guide to help you build habits that actually work. You'll get powerful journal prompts, a guided audio meditation and my three-part confident shortcut system Mindset, path and Action. It's the exact routine I use to get up on stage and speak up. No more shrinking or second guessing the link's in the caption. Grab it now and build the confidence to move forward every single day. I think a big key to living out your bigger life is doing the things that are on your scared list.

Micah Caldwell:

Yeah, Was that the courage quest? Was it doing anything you were scared of, or anything where your initial reaction was like I can't or I'm afraid, or was there more of a strategy to it? So, like what should we be putting on our scared list?

Niki Sterner:

I love this question because I actually started training physically, like the tent camping, the snakes, the whitewater rafting, all the things that I was probably more comfortable with than my voice, because I gained momentum that way and I had yeah, I had a goal in mind to train for the show. I was training for the show and those things fell into line. So whatever you're training for, I think, is what you throw on your list, but anything that you were afraid of is going to give you momentum. So anything that you're afraid of, you put on the list. And then, once I started to gain momentum, then I was like, oh, this standup comedy opportunity showed up. It was the pack comedy festival in Hollywood and I was like I'm going to submit my tape for this.

Niki Sterner:

And I got in and I was like, oh my gosh, that means I have to actually start training to be a comedian. So that's actually why I started doing the standup comedy. Like the month before I was going to perform I was like, oh my gosh, it's time. And so I just started doing mics, like 30 mics in 30 days, and it was really throwing myself into the fire like just get up on stage and I forgot my words. I was terrible. I felt like an idiot, and then I started to develop this mindset routine that I remembered I had during basketball in high school and that's what helped me with the higher pressure situations like during games with my free throws, which is actually what I got. My record in is consecutive free throws in games during the high pressure situation.

Niki Sterner:

So then I was like, oh, I can use that same mindset routine, just adjust it for a standup comedy in basketball. I said the first blizzard is December 1st. And then I'd get the ball and I'd spin it and I'd say bounce, bounce, bend, swish. And so I'd program my mind to know that the ball was going to swish, it was going to go in every time. So for standup comedy, I would say the same first line, which was just to clear my brain. So I would say the first blizzard is December 1st, because I might be nervous, I might have these thoughts what if I forget my lines? What if people don't like me? What if I just blank out, like I've done in the past? And so I had to say the first blizzard is December 1st, to clear my mind. So it's no longer negative, it's no longer positive, it's just clear. And then I would say, yeah, just a fact, or it doesn't mean anything, it's a neutral statement, exactly A neutral statement, yeah. So the first blizzard is December 1st.

Niki Sterner:

I am full of joy, I am magnetic. That's what I would say next before going on stage, cause that's how I want to feel. I want to feel like I'm a magnet to my audience and that we're connected. And then I would say the audience loves me and they laugh at all my jokes. And then I'd get myself excited to go up on stage by saying that, oh my gosh, they love like. Put on a show for me. What do you got?

Niki Sterner:

You know, and I'm like, oh, I got energy, but look, I'm going to make you laugh. I know this, I just told myself this right before I got on stage, right, and that helped me to enjoy myself, versus just going through the motions of performing the standup comedy, cause that can get old, that that is kind of a grind. But when I shifted the mindset, I was able to really sit and enjoy the other comedians, enjoy the audience and just enjoy this whole experience, and that was valuable for me in using my voice. If you've been living with chronic symptoms like pain, brain fog, sensitivity to smells, light or sound, it might not just be your body, it could be your brain, stuck in a survival loop.

Niki Sterner:

Dnrs stands for Dynamic Neural Retraining System. It's a science-backed program that helps rewire the limbic system, the part of the brain responsible for fear, fight or flight and overreaction to everyday things. It changed everything for me, helping me heal and return to the creative life I love. If this speaks to you, click the link in the caption. It might be the answer you're looking for.

Micah Caldwell:

So I love how you took so many opportunities to do things before you felt ready, and also, do you have to know your why before you can do the other things you talked about, like your star list, your scared list, your success list? It seems like, even though you started out with physical activities like camping and holding snakes and things related to the outdoors, you knew your why at that point, you knew that you wanted to perform and you had a specific thing that you were working towards. Is there any benefit to doing the scared list or challenging yourself to things if you don't know your why yet?

Niki Sterner:

That's the good point. You have to know your why, because when things get hard, you have to turn back to your why and go. This is why I'm doing this, and I think the order for me in gaining confidence was mindset. So shifting into the positive mindset and the growth mindset, like failure is okay, failure is good. It's okay for me to be bad before I'm good. I'm going to try things and I'm going to keep growing through them. I don't have to be perfect.

Niki Sterner:

All of that was first, and then the second part was the path and gaining clarity on it and your why is a big part of your path. It's like why am I doing this? What do I value? Because you might want to have five different things, but maybe these three things are more important to you Time with your friends, or time with your family, or maybe success is the most important or whatever it is for you. It has to feel right and it has to be aligned with your why. So your values and your why are both very important.

Niki Sterner:

And then you're going to align your goals with your courage. You're going to align your mindset. You know why you're doing it, and then you come up with what you actually want to do and then you take action, you align your action to those goals. So then, as you're gaining momentum and pushing yourself, you keep butting up against resistance. Every new level. I feel it again and I'm like dang it. I thought I was through this, but it's a constant, it's a change in your mindset, the growth versus. I have it all figured out? I don't, and I don't know if I ever will, but as long as I'm open to trying and taking action before I feel ready, I feel like I'm going to get to where I want to go, and I think one can get to where they want to go by having that mindset.

Micah Caldwell:

That makes me want to ask this next question, which is what did you learn along the way, and were there any setbacks or challenges or moments where you had to realign with your why?

Niki Sterner:

yeah, I don't think I've said this yet, but one of my big whys and I realized it along the way was that I want to help other women and people who feel like they don't have a voice to share their voice, because I know what it feels like to know what you want to say, but you don't really have the courage to say it or to put your work out there.

Niki Sterner:

I want to help other people work through that. The big part of this podcast is helping us all get our voices out there, because we need women's voices, we need our stories, we need our point of view out there and I feel like there's a lot of room for growth as women. You are one of the trailblazers. You've been doing a lot in DC on stage. You are sharing your voice and I think when you and I and other women do that, we give women permission to do the same Right, and I have noticed there used to be a competitiveness among women.

Niki Sterner:

Sure Myself included, and I feel like now I don't have that anymore. I've had this shift where we can cheer each other on, we can lift each other up and we are all so unique and individual. There is this collective energy of women rising and creatives rising, and it's so powerful. Even on my sketch and improv team, I'm like, oh, we need more women on this stage with us, and so when I see another woman is being critical of herself, I'm like I can relate to that, I know that, and so it makes you want to encourage her more. You're doing great, keep at it.

Micah Caldwell:

I have had the same feelings and we're going to fail forward, and creative endeavors are hard enough as they are. So having cheerleaders and support along the way is so helpful, because it's so easy to get discouraged.

Niki Sterner:

So yeah, having that community like we've gathered in a couple of different groups, and just having that camaraderie among artists is so valuable and it's so fun and it just makes it so worth it. The connections that we have with each other. I missed that from high school. I feel like I lost it for a little while. The connections with my kids aren't exactly the same. No, they're not but they're still great. They are great, you're right.

Niki Sterner:

And yesterday was Mother's Day, and I was so thankful because now there's so many opportunities that are happening that I miss my kids and I miss my husband and I want to see them. And so when we get special times, even if it's for two hours on a Sunday where we go eat for a holiday, this is something special. I get it when women are feeling pulled. You know they're working and they feel like they're not good at everything. They can't be good at everything because they're pulled in so many different directions, but I think it's just finding the magic in each moment, no matter how small it is.

Niki Sterner:

Thanks so much for listening to the Confident Shortcut. I hope today's episode woke something up in you, reminding you that your dream matters and you can start now. If this sparked something, share it with a friend who needs it too, and don't forget to follow me on Instagram at Nikki Sterner and join our Facebook community at the Confidence Shortcut. Ready to take the next step? Check out my free guide, the Confidence Kickstart, linked in the show notes. Keep showing up, keep taking action and remember the shortcut to confidence is courage.