The Confidence Shortcut with Niki Sterner

#6: Raising Kids While Rising Myself

• Niki Sterner • Season 1 • Episode 6

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Ever felt stuck waiting to feel ready before taking that big leap? Niki Sterner discovered the secret isn't waiting for confidence to arrive—it's taking courageous action first and letting confidence follow.

The Confidence Shortcut revolves around three essential pillars: mindset, path, and action. When these elements align, transformation happens faster than you might believe possible. Niki vulnerably shares how she spent years playing small until she developed a system that helped her reconnect with her dreams and take bold action despite her fears.

One particularly powerful ritual Niki describes is her "burning ceremony," where she wrote down all her limiting beliefs, read them aloud to her family, and set them on fire—symbolically releasing what had held her back. This act of courage created ripple effects not just in her life but in her children's lives too. They've since stepped into leadership roles, tried new things, and embraced challenges they previously would have avoided.

For parents especially, Niki addresses the guilt that can come with pursuing personal dreams while balancing family responsibilities. She's discovered that quality time matters more than quantity, and modeling courage for her children has become one of her greatest gifts to them. When we evolve, we give permission to those around us to do the same.

Whether you're facing career transitions, creative blocks, or simply feeling that there's more to life than what you're currently experiencing, this episode offers practical wisdom for moving forward. As Niki says, "Pick something and jump"—because the shortcut to confidence is courage, and what's meant for you will never pass you by. Ready to take your first step? Download the free Confidence Kickstart Morning Routine in the show notes and start building momentum today.

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Niki Sterner:

Welcome to the Confidence Shortcut, the podcast for ambitious creatives and entrepreneurs who are ready to stop overthinking, take bold action and finally step into the life they've been dreaming about. I'm your host, Niki Sterner, mom, actor, comedian and producer. After years of playing small and waiting to feel ready, I went on a courage quest and found a shortcut to confidence. Each week, I'll bring you real stories, simple steps and conversations with experts. In mindset courage and confidence, plus heart-to-hearts with fellow creatives who are turning their dreams into reality. It's time to get unstuck and start showing up. Let's dive in.

Micah Caldwell:

So what are the three pillars of the confidence shortcut?

Niki Sterner:

Okay, so the three pillars of the confidence shortcut are mindset, path and action. I feel like for so long I didn't have all three, like I might've been taking action but I didn't have the right mindset. Or I had a mindset but I wasn't clear on my path. And to truly jump into your growth mindset, to live the life that you love, you have to have your mindset, your path and take action. All three, and I have a system that you can get there quicker. I can't believe how far I've come in one year from when I started doing this, so it really can be a shortcut to your dream life. You can step in quickly when you have these things in place.

Micah Caldwell:

How did you remember who you were and what mattered most? Or how do you along the way, how do you remember who you are and what matters most?

Niki Sterner:

By looking back and writing down my star list and my success list and my scared list. My three lists are really what helped me remember, and I had to write it out. I couldn't just think I couldn't be in my head, I had to see them. I'm a visual learner, so remembering was a lot of writing, a lot of journaling, a lot of lists and just trying to figure it out, and sometimes I didn't know and I would have to start writing or typing. The 10 minutes that I would write every morning really helped. I did a program called the Actors Think Tank and that had a bunch of questions my why, my value, my 20 year career plan that I reverse engineered. All of that helped me to gain clarity on who have I been in the past and who do I want to be, and how do I mash those together to remember the dream that I have.

Niki Sterner:

There was a lot of meditation to ask, call for what is it, and sometimes it's not my head that's thinking, it's my heart that's thinking it, and so getting that out, without actually knowing what was going to come out on my keys or writing, is really how I remembered it. I had to ask the question, though, and I had to listen for the answer.

Micah Caldwell:

What was the hardest part about transitioning into the person you've always wanted to be? The?

Niki Sterner:

hardest part was knowing how to still be a mom and juggle the career part of it.

Niki Sterner:

That was a big transition for me because I used to be all in mom and sometimes I'd have a job, but it was not as important as my kids.

Niki Sterner:

I don't know if you've ever heard the saying you're married to acting. I've always heard that and it's pretty true because acting is supposed to take priority over your schedule. That makes it hard as a mom, because a lot of times I feel like I show up at things and I'm the only mom there, or there's two of us and there's like 20, 30 other people and I look around and I'm like I could be at home with my kids and my husband right now and sometimes I feel bad about it. There's a little bit of guilt. But then at the same time I was at home with them for a long time and I was not happy just being at home. I know that it's a balance and I'll be a work in progress for the rest of my life and so as long as I make the most of the time that I have with them and I'm fully present, it's quality of time with them versus quantity of time.

Micah Caldwell:

Yeah, that makes sense and I was going to ask how you juggle being a mom and an actor, but especially when your identity is evolving, how does that work?

Niki Sterner:

Yeah. So I did this thing called a burning ceremony, and it was getting rid of limiting beliefs, because a big part of my identity was holding my own self back because of my limiting beliefs for a very long time, and so I had written out all these things that I was not going to let hold me back anymore on a piece of paper, and then I wrote out my new beliefs, my growth beliefs, and I brought my family with me new beliefs, my growth beliefs and I brought my family with me outside on the sidewalk and it's a vulnerable moment, saying I'm not going to hold myself back anymore. I'm going to always know that I'm enough. All the things that you want your kids to have. But it's just so vulnerable, but it's such a special moment that I wanted them there, and so I read it, and then I, of course, te up and then I lit the piece of paper on fire and watched it dance around because I was getting rid of these limiting beliefs and it was such a powerful thing to do with them because I wanted to take them on the ride.

Niki Sterner:

When I did the courage quest, I brought the kids along with me on a lot of the adventures and it really opened up their life as well to having more courage and trying new things. And the more that I evolve, the more I bring them with me because they see everything and their lives are better for it. And that is the payoff of living the life that you're meant to live by having that courage. Confidence doesn't come first. Action and habits do. That's why I created the Confidence Kickstart Morning Routine. The life that you're meant to live by having that courage, mindset, path and action. It's the exact routine I use to get up on stage and speak up. No more shrinking or second guessing. The link's in the caption. Grab it now and build the confidence to move forward every single day.

Micah Caldwell:

I imagine it would be hard to be vulnerable in front of your kids when you're so used to keeping up a really strong front. How did they respond? How have they responded?

Niki Sterner:

I've noticed they are all growing a lot. They've grown a lot over the past year, like in leadership roles, in trying new things. My son, jake he loves gaming and computer stuff and he signed up for Science Olympiad. I stopped pushing them a few years ago when I had my evolution. I was like I'm not going to helicopter parent anymore. I'm not going to ask them to do things or push them to do things. They're going to be their own advocates.

Niki Sterner:

And so Jake signed up for Science Olympiad, which has been really great. He's had to be there multiple days a week, mornings before school. He has Science Olympiad meets. I'm really proud of him for that. And then Kelsey is our college student and she's taken on a leadership role in a computer science club on campus and she schedules her own conferences and she got an internship which is pretty difficult to get in computer science. So she's taken all of that on. And then Breezy stepped into student government this year and she's really great at planning things and making events happen. So I feel like they've all really stepped up this year and it's been quite magical to see, because that's what you want for them. I don't want them to feel stuck. I don't want them to feel small or play small at all in their lives.

Niki Sterner:

And they really aren't anymore. So that's wonderful, yeah, and I saw Breezy just graduated from the STEM program yeah, there's three different pieces of the STEM program and there's like 60 some kids that have been together for four years taking these really difficult classes.

Micah Caldwell:

It's like us with the comedy we've been together for however many months now, taking classes together, getting up on stage, doing the hard things, training for what we want to do, and they're doing the same thing in high school In terms of the burning ceremony, and you were letting go of the past version of yourself to embrace the present version of yourself and, hopefully, the future version of yourself as well. Were you at all sad to let go of the person you used to be?

Niki Sterner:

to be. I think I was sad that I had held myself back for so long and that I had believed these things for so long. I think that's what I was sad about, and it is like a death, like when you release that person. There is a grief process yeah, I'm not that person anymore. There is a sadness. That's not my life anymore and it's more. I wish I would have known better sooner, but it shaped me for who I am and it makes me want to get this message out that much more, because it was such a long period of time that I held myself back.

Micah Caldwell:

If I were to put together my own scared list, I think it would be overwhelming. So how can listeners begin to stretch their own edges without overwhelming themselves, like you did so many things? And how did you keep from getting overwhelmed?

Niki Sterner:

The first thing was that I had a goal in mind. I knew that I wanted to be on this TV show. I told myself that I was going to be on the TV show and start training for that. So what is it that the listener is wanting to do right now? And then what is holding them back? So that's what goes on the scared list.

Niki Sterner:

So if it's I want to get on stage and do comedy, what's holding me back? Maybe I don't have a set yet, so I have to sign up for a class that will help me write a five minute set, and then maybe it's getting on stages, like the 30 stages in 30 days or whatever it is for that person that's taking action. But I think you have to get educated. You have to know what it is that you want and then learn about it. You got to get curious about what does that look like and how could I add something into my daily routine that would help me get there quicker. I think developing a habit, adding a habit in there, is really important for getting there, but just knowing why do I want that and what do I want. And then what's the one thing that I can do today to get me there. Whether that's researching how to do it or finding someone who can teach you, there's always something you can do right now that puts you in action versus just thinking.

Micah Caldwell:

And it seems like the action is more important than anything else. Yeah, just pick something and jump. Pick something and jump. Yeah, I love that, because sometimes it doesn't all stick.

Niki Sterner:

Sometimes we try things and maybe that wasn't it, but I'm glad I tried it. If you've been living with chronic symptoms like pain, brain fog, sensitivity to smells, light or sound, it might not just be your body, it could be your brain, stuck in a survival loop. Dnrs stands for Dynamic Neural Retraining System. It's a science-backed program that helps rewire the limbic system, the part of the brain responsible for fear, fight or flight and overreaction to everyday things. It changed everything for me, helping me heal and return to the creative life I love. If this speaks to you, click the link in the caption. It might be the answer you're looking for.

Micah Caldwell:

And that makes me think of another question. You told me that in the mornings you do your affirmations and you have this miracle mindset that miracles are going to happen, and certainly a lot of wonderful things have come into your life over the past year or so that you've been on this journey. How do you deal with it when something that you want doesn't happen for you?

Niki Sterner:

Oh yeah, you mean, it doesn't happen right away. Oh, okay, that's an interesting take A lot of times it's coming, but it's not coming as fast as we want it. That's a mindset shift. Having patience and knowing that the journey might take longer than you think it will is really important, because I am impatient. I think a lot of people just want it right now. I want to be good now and like even I got an audition right now for a great role where it's a twin sister, and so she's playing both people, the characters.

Micah Caldwell:

Yeah.

Niki Sterner:

And I watched another TV show three or four years ago and, oh my gosh, I would love to play a role like that. And just to get the opportunity to audition for this role, I'm like wow. But then I think back and I'm like, okay, what have I been doing the past few months? I've been learning lines a lot with our classes for comedy, which is really working on my memory, because if you're going to be doing a show or a movie, it's constant memorization and lines every day. So that has been preparing me for something like that. And then also I've been on a short film set recently where I loved the process of working with the director, and so that's also preparing me for it.

Niki Sterner:

And then doing the sketch and improv is more memorization. And getting on stage and performing even before I feel ready. It's not perfect, but getting up there and being open to new ideas and just performing on stage before I feel like it was perfect is a big deal. And this audition came along at a great time, because I do feel like I could do this if I was hired, but I wanted it three years ago, oh I see, yeah, right, you did.

Micah Caldwell:

And I was like why am I not?

Niki Sterner:

getting this, but I didn't have the tools in place and I feel like the universe offered me a lot when I was right out of college and I was like, ooh, too fast, I'm not ready. So now I feel like the universe is like okay, you take action and then, when you're ready, I'll know and I'll present opportunities.

Micah Caldwell:

What if you don't get this particular role?

Niki Sterner:

Yeah, and that could happen, because I've had that happen recently too with other commercial jobs, just to be perfect. But then there's a part of you that has to not really care either way. If I get this role, great, if I don't, there's going to be another opportunity, and that whole mentality of what's meant for me will never pass me by. So this could just be a great opportunity to audition and learn how to prepare for a role, or it could be something that I book. But I think just having the mindset more opportunities are coming.

Niki Sterner:

There's an abundance of opportunities that are showing up for me, and just having that mindset helps me to know that there's less pressure to be perfect at this audition, because if I get it, great, it was meant for me. If I don't, then something else is coming.

Niki Sterner:

An opportunity that's meant for me will not pass me by something else is coming, an opportunity that's meant for me will not pass me by. Thanks so much for listening to the Confidence Shortcut. I hope today's episode woke something up in you, reminding you that your dream matters and you can start now. If this sparked something, share it with a friend who needs it too. And don't forget to follow me on Instagram, at Nikki Sterner, and join our Facebook community at the Confidence Shortcut. Ready to take the next step? Check out my free guide at the Confidence Shortcut. Ready to take the next step? Check out my free guide, the Confidence Kickstart, linked in the show notes. Keep showing up, keep taking action and remember. The shortcut to confidence is courage.