The Confidence Shortcut with Niki Sterner
The Confidence Shortcut is your permission slip to start before you’re ready. Hosted by actor, comedian & producer Niki Sterner, each episode is packed with honest conversations, mindset tools, and practical shortcuts to help you silence your inner critic, develop a growth mindset, and get unstuck.
Designed for high-achieving creatives, performers, visionaries, and entrepreneurs, this podcast helps you build the habit of courage in the face of fear—so you can finally share your voice with the world.
If you’ve ever wondered how to build confidence, overcome self-doubt, or stop overthinking and start taking action, this show is your weekly boost of momentum. Whether you’re battling imposter syndrome, stuck in perfectionism, or simply afraid to take the next step, you’ll leave each episode with real-life tools and the confidence to move forward—one bold (and sometimes messy) step at a time.
Be sure to rate, review, and subscribe to the show wherever you’re listening, and grab your free “Confidence Kickstart” in the show notes.
The Confidence Shortcut with Niki Sterner
#20: Niki Sterner | The 3S Lists | Invite in the Cringe
Episode 20 is Season 2 Episode 2.
Your dream has been leaving clues—names you can’t stop admiring, ideas that scare you in all the right ways, and moments when you surprised yourself with courage. We unpack a simple framework to spot those clues and turn them into action you can actually take today: the star list, the scared list, and the success list. Think of it as a real-time map from overthinking to motion, where writing down what matters trains your brain to recognize opportunities and claim them.
We start by decoding admiration and even jealousy as signals, not shame. The people on your star list reveal values, styles, and paths that might be yours to try on. Then we get honest about fear. The scared list reframes nerves as a compass pointing straight at what you want—speaking on stage, starting that business, writing the song, having the conversation. Instead of waiting for confidence, we build it with reps, embracing good cringe and choosing the smallest step that keeps you moving. Finally, the success list collects your receipts: the risks you took, the practice you logged, the wins you earned. On tough days, these entries shift your self-talk from “I can’t” to “I’ve done this before,” anchoring an identity of follow-through and resilience.
Along the way, we lean on neuroscience—how handwriting activates encoding, turning nebulous dreams into concrete intentions your attention system can track. We talk curation, too: protect your feed, unfollow what spikes comparison, and prioritize inputs that help you show up fully rather than shrink. You’ll leave with clear prompts, a challenge to complete all three lists, and permission to be “too much” in the best, most authentic way.
If this conversation sparked something, share it with a friend who needs a nudge, then subscribe and leave a quick review so more creatives find their courage faster. Ready for more? Grab the free Confidence Kickstart in the show notes and get first dibs on my book, "The Confidence Shortcut" when it launches in December 2025, sign up below to be the first in line.
Be the 1st to know when The Confidence Shortcut Book launches in Dec!
Follow The Confidence Shortcut on Facebook
Follow NIKI STERNER:
New episodes every week — packed with honest conversations, mindset tools, and real-life shortcuts to help you silence your inner critic, build true confidence, and take bold action.
📌 Subscribe + share if you're ready to stop overthinking and finally move forward.
💛 For freebies and updates, Join The Confidence Shortcut Community
✨ Grab your free Confidence Kickstart Guide.
Welcome to the Confidence Shortcut, the podcast for ambitious creatives and entrepreneurs who are ready to stop overthinking, take bold action, and finally step into the life they've been dreaming about. I'm your host, Nikki Stirner, mom, actor, comedian, and producer. After years of playing small and waiting to feel ready, I went on a courage quest and found a shortcut to confidence. Each week, I'll bring you real stories, simple steps, and conversations with experts in mindset, courage, and confidence. Plus heart to hearts with fellow creatives who are turning their dreams into reality. It's time to get unstuck and start showing up. Let's dive in. When I started doing this work, this dream detective work, I realized I had buried my dreams so deep I barely remembered them. But they were still there, hiding in the people I admired, in the things that scared me, and in the moments when I had already been bold. I just needed a way to pull the clues out. That's when I started making these three lists. And today I want to walk you through them so you can begin uncovering your own three lists and your own dreams that are hiding. Okay. So these are the three lists of a dream detective. I want you to actually grab a piece of paper right now or open a note on your phone and write with me as we go. So the first list is called the star list. And you're going to write down the names of people you looked up to when you were younger. Who inspired you? And then add who inspires you now? Who inspires you right now? People you admire or want to model your career after. These people are all clues. They're showing you what's possible for you too. Maybe even people that you're jealous of, because that is also showing you an indicator of what you actually want, is what they have. So write them down too. There's actually one person on Instagram that I started out really enjoying. And then all of a sudden I was like, I can't watch, I can't watch this person anymore. It's just um it's triggering me for some reason. And so I stopped following them. And that's okay. You have permission to have things in your feed that get you excited, not things that make you second guess yourself or trigger you. You get to block them and unfollow. You get to do that. You have permission to do that. Okay. The next list is the scared list. Now, the scared list is all about writing down things that both excite you and scare you. Because let's face it, fear and desire are neighbors. Often the very thing that scares the crap out of you is the exact thing that your soul is craving. The thing that most excites you, like out of this world. That thing also may scare you so much that you have been avoiding it for a very long time. So you want to write that down on your scared list. What's something that you've secretly wanted to do, but you've said no to in the past because of fear? You want to write that down. The third list is called the success list. Now, this is your receipts, honey. This is where you write down all those moments in your past where you felt proud of yourself. You felt alive, you felt like you nailed something, you were successful at it. These are the times when you took a risk, you spoke up, you tried something new, you did something out of the ordinary and it lit you up. Or you studied a skill or a sport and you were really good at it because you did it over and over again. You had the repetition and then you had the success with it because you know when you look at these receipts that you've done this before, you've picked something and put time and energy into it, and you were good at it. So this is the success that you're looking to create in the future as well. And this is just proof, it's evidence. It's like when you start to get down on yourself. Like today, I wrote a song, part of a song for the first time, and it probably wasn't very good. And so for me, it sucks. Yeah, it stinks to not be good at something. I hate the feeling. But when we try something new, which we're going to be doing when we have these big dreams, you have to put yourself in that uncomfortable feeling. You have to own the discomfort, you have to invite it in, invite in the cringe, that feeling that you've been avoiding for so long, because that is where the growth happens. That is where the magic happens. It doesn't feel good at first, though. It really kind of sucks. But you just got to tell yourself like people that are great at something didn't start out being great. Like they worked at it, they put in the time and energy. Okay. So, yes, these success lists, the success list is really just your receipts. It's evidence that you've already been courageous before and you can do it again. Psychologists have found that when we write things down, we actually activate the brain's encoding process. It helps us remember and makes our goals feel real. Neuroscience shows that this simple act of writing shifts dreams from being vague ideas into tangible possibilities. Have you given yourself permission to write this down? That's why these lists are so powerful. You're literally teaching your brain to recognize your desires as something you can move toward, you can move forward into. As Rumi said, what you seek is seeking you. These lists aren't just about what you want. They're about uncovering what's been chasing you after all this time. I mean, if you're anything like me, I have had the same stuff come back over and over, time and time again. You know, 20 years ago, 10 years ago, 15 years ago, five years ago, it just keeps repeating itself until you face it and go after it because it's your dream. It's never going away. Like you might as well face it now rather than suffer through the avoiding. Because when you avoid your dreams, you avoid everything. You avoid feeling your feelings, which makes you avoid vulnerability, which makes you avoid connection, which make which makes you avoid building the life that you want. And there's no reason to avoid it. If something has shown up in your life three times, it's part of the dream. Like write it down in the lists somewhere. Write it down so your brain can say, oh, this is what we're doing. It can recognize it. Take the time to write it down. It's not hard. It's so simple. It's so simple. So stop finding it and start letting it light the way. My new book, The Confidence Shortcut, is almost here. And I want you to be among the first to know when it goes on sale. This isn't just a book, it's also a journal and a calendar that walks you through the exact process I used to go from over-preparing and stuck in perfection to finding my voice and using it on stage in relationships and in business. When you sign up, you'll get early access updates, behind-the-scenes bonuses, and first divs when the book goes live in December. Don't wait. Sign up at the link in the show notes and be the first to know when the confident shortcut is available. So now I want you to reflect. I want you to do a reflection prompt. Which of the three lists felt the easiest for you today? Which one felt the hardest? Pay attention to that resistance because it may be pointing right to your biggest clue. Because often the things that we resist the hardest are the things that create the biggest breakthroughs. So if you're feeling a lot of resistance, it's probably something really important in your life and on your path and in your dream. So write it down, even if you don't want to, even if it feels icky right now, even if it feels scary, even if you like want to turn and run and hide, write it down. Allow your brain to start processing these dreams, these goals. Start recognizing, start attracting this stuff into your life. Because it won't just happen if it's stuck in your head. You have to write it down. So your challenge today is to complete all three lists. It's not hard. It's so simple. You're gonna write down You're gonna write down the three S lists again. You have the star list. Who did you look up to when you were younger? Write it down. Who do you look up to now? Because these dreams can shift. These dreams can shift from year to year, from month to month. You just let it shift and roll with it. But write it down because it's in the writing down that you start to recognize what it is that you truly want and you attract it. The second S list is the scared list. What are you afraid of? What are you avoiding? Because it's probably your biggest clue to what your dream actually is. What have you said no to in the past? Because of fear. And then the third list again is the success list. Write down those moments in the past where you have succeeded. So when it gets hard, and it will get hard because anytime we're doing something new, it's not easy. It's not easy to invite in the cringe. It's not easy to do something new. It's uncomfortable. And uncomfortable can be good because it's all about what we tell ourselves about it. Like moving through the messiness of learning how to write a song today and not getting great feedback felt icky. It felt discouraging. But I told myself, this is what I want to do. So who cares if I'm not great right now? I just have to keep at it. Like babies fall down how many times when they're learning how to walk? Do they stop? No, of course not. Like, why would you stop? You won't. You've got to keep doing this. So have your success list so you know, like, hey, I can be good at anything I put my mind to. I am a successful person. Start to identify yourself as someone who has success. And then you'll start to prove it in your life. Confidence doesn't come first. Courage does. That's why I wrote the confidence shortcut. This book walks you through the exact process I used to go from over-preparing, stuck in perfection, and imposter syndrome to finding my voice and actually using it on stage, in my relationships, and in business. And it's not just a book, it's also a journal and a calendar to help you take bold action every single day. Inside, you'll get my three-part system, path, mindset, action. Plus space to track your habits, reflect, and build momentum that lasts. The links in the show notes. Grab your copy today and start living with courage on purpose every day. Okay. So you're gonna write three names for your star list. Start with three. You're gonna write three scary but exciting ideas for your scared list. So for me, it was like speaking on stage or singing in front of people. Like using my voice scared the crap out of me. I did not want to do it by myself in front of people. Absolutely not. But what am I doing now? Speaking. That is my next thing. That is what I am getting into. I started speaking on stage with stand-up comedy a year ago and just kept, you know, taking classes and getting up on stage and building the repetition by being in the discomfort over and over and over again. And now I my goal now is to be more comfortable on stage than off stage. And I really do. I love being in front of people. I thrive when I can have someone catch my idea in the audience, when I can have someone connect to what I'm saying and have it touch them. Like that is the most amazing, incredible feeling when someone comes up to you after you speak and they're like, oh my gosh, what you said really resonated with me. Or I really understood and felt exactly what you were saying. Like that is the best feeling in the world. And everyone has a story. Like, what is your story? What's it gonna be? Because you get to create it. You get to start now, today, with these three lists. This is you. This is you. It's your day. And then I want you to write three proud moments for your success list. So you got three names for your star list, you got three scary but exciting ideas for your scared list. Is it speaking on stage? Is it starting a business? Is it writing a song? Is it becoming a photographer? Is it having conversations with people? Is it asking someone out on a date? Is it getting in a new relationship? Is it creating a profile in one of those apps, the hinge or wherever? What is it that you are wanting right now in your life? Because that you have to learn to trust your intuition and know that what's showing up for you, what's presenting itself is meant for you. And you get to own it. You get to claim it. And how do you do that? You write it down. You write it down. That's it. Don't overthink it. Just write this is your breadcrumb trail back to your wildest yes life. The life that you were put on this earth for. That society and people and places have told us to tone it down and quiet down and don't be too much. Screw it. We're done with that. We don't buy into that here at the confidence shortcut. We want to be too much. We want to be all of ourself. We want to show up fully every day, move forward messy, invite in the cringe, do the things that come to you. Don't tone it down, don't put on the mask, don't put on the fake smile. None of it. None of that works because it's not authentic. We want to learn to trust ourselves again and identify as someone who moves forward messy. Do it for yourself. Because when you do, you give your soul the hope that it's been wanting for so long. You give yourself something that no one else can give you. And you have the power within yourself to create the life that you want. And I'm gonna keep sharing ways that you can do this yourself. You have so much power within you already. It's just learning how to use it and how to tap into it. I'm so excited that you're here today. Thank you for listening. Thank you for tuning in live on TikTok. And I do this every Tuesday. Every Tuesday is when the episodes drop. And I'm working on being a speaker. And I just appreciate you being here catching what I'm saying. It's like a song when someone sings, they want somebody to catch it. I want the message to land on whoever needs it. If it's one person, great. If it's two people, amazing. Whoever needs to hear it. In closing, I just want to say the more clues that you gather, the clearer your dream becomes. So keep writing those clues down. You don't need to see the whole path yet. You just need to start noticing what lights you up. Tuning in to what do I like? What do I love? What makes me feel good? Because clarity is what builds confidence. And every time you write, you're one step closer to the life that's been waiting for you to answer the call. So write it down and answer the call. Thanks so much for listening to The Confidence Shortcut. I hope today's episode woke something up in you, reminding you that your dream matters and you can start now. If this sparked something, share it with a friend who needs it too. And don't forget to follow me on Instagram at Nikki Stirner and join our Facebook community at The Confidence Shortcut. Ready to take the next step? Check out my free guide, The Confidence Kickstart, linked in the show notes. Keep showing up. Keep taking action. And remember, the shortcut to confidence is courage.