The Confidence Shortcut with Niki Sterner
The Confidence Shortcut is your permission slip to start before you’re ready. Hosted by actor, comedian & producer Niki Sterner, each episode is packed with honest conversations, mindset tools, and practical shortcuts to help you silence your inner critic, develop a growth mindset, and get unstuck.
Designed for high-achieving creatives, performers, visionaries, and entrepreneurs, this podcast helps you build the habit of courage in the face of fear—so you can finally share your voice with the world.
If you’ve ever wondered how to build confidence, overcome self-doubt, or stop overthinking and start taking action, this show is your weekly boost of momentum. Whether you’re battling imposter syndrome, stuck in perfectionism, or simply afraid to take the next step, you’ll leave each episode with real-life tools and the confidence to move forward—one bold (and sometimes messy) step at a time.
Be sure to rate, review, and subscribe to the show wherever you’re listening, and grab your free “Confidence Kickstart” in the show notes.
The Confidence Shortcut with Niki Sterner
#22: Niki Sterner | When Your Life Finally Matches Your CORE VALUES | How Alignment Sparks Real Confidence
What if confidence isn’t something you find, but something you feel when your life finally matches your values? We go straight at the heart of fear, numbness, and overthinking to show how clarity and courage can flip the switch from “fine” to fully alive. Through personal stories of depression, exposure therapy, and creative risks, we map the three values that rebuilt a brave life—joy, connection, and growth—and explain why alignment is the real shortcut to confidence.
You’ll hear how shutting down feelings to avoid pain also shuts out joy, and how carefully leaning into fear can create post-challenge elation (hello, whitewater rapids). We talk about dropping lifelong walls to reconnect with partners, kids, clients, and audiences, and we unpack the simple mindset shift that turns failure into feedback so you can move from endless prep to shipping your work. Along the way, we offer a clear values list—adventure, authenticity, autonomy, courage, creativity, family, faith, freedom, honesty, impact, integrity, joy, love, play, service, vulnerability—and three prompts to translate those words into daily action: where you’re aligned, where you’re not, and one small step this week to close the gap.
If you’ve felt stuck in perfection or numb behind a polished life, this conversation offers a practical compass and gentle fire to move again. Come choose values that feel like home, trade performance for presence, and stand your sacred ground—without shrinking or puffing up. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a quick review to help more creators and entrepreneurs find their own compass for clarity.
Ready for more? Grab the free Confidence Kickstart Morning Routine in the show notes and get first dibs on my book, "The Confidence Shortcut" when it launches in December 2025, sign up below to be the first in line.
Be the 1st to know when The Confidence Shortcut Book launches in Dec!
Follow The Confidence Shortcut on Facebook
Follow NIKI STERNER:
New episodes every week — packed with honest conversations, mindset tools, and real-life shortcuts to help you silence your inner critic, build true confidence, and take bold action.
📌 Subscribe + share if you're ready to stop overthinking and finally move forward.
💛 For freebies and updates, Join The Confidence Shortcut Community
✨ Grab your free Confidence Kickstart Guide.
Welcome to the Confidence Shortcut, the podcast for ambitious creatives and entrepreneurs who are ready to stop overthinking, take bold action, and finally step into the life they've been dreaming about. I'm your host, Nikki Stirner, mom, actor, comedian, and producer. After years of playing small and waiting to feel ready, I went on a courage quest and found a shortcut to confidence. Each week, I'll bring you real stories, simple steps, and conversations with experts in mindset, courage, and confidence. Plus, heart to hearts with fellow creatives who are turning their dreams into reality. It's time to get unstuck and start showing up. Let's dive in. This is week four of season two. So if you missed it, so far we've covered week one was dream detectives. We talked about where are you currently and where do you desire in four different areas. Those were health, relationships, career, and fun and adventure. In week two, we talked about the three S lists: the star list, the scared list, and the success list. Last week three, we talked about the success star model, where you learn from others who are doing exactly what you want to do and you reverse engineer their success into your soul goals, what are the main things that you need to do next? And this week, we're turning inward with something that becomes your lifelong compass, your core values, your compass for clarity. So, what are core values? Your core values are the invisible threads that run through your best days, your biggest dreams, and your boldest decisions. They're not goals, they're the why underneath your goals. Think of them as your North Star, the truth that you return to when life gets loud. Because when you live in alignment, you feel grounded, clear, and energized. But when you live out of alignment, you feel confused, burned out, resentful, and numb. I wanted to start off by talking about my three core values and giving you a story behind each of them. So my first one is joy. And I chose joy because there was a time in my life when my life looked great from the outside. It looked great on paper. I was staying at home with the kids, or sometimes I was working. My husband was making a great living. We had three kids that were healthy, but I just felt like there was more calling to me. And I just was not happy. I couldn't find my joy. I struggled. I felt almost dead inside, which sounds terrible now, but truly that's what it felt like. And the reason why was because I had avoided feeling fear, things that scared me for so long that I couldn't feel anything. That goes back to when I was in sixth grade and my parents went through a divorce, and I was really upset about it. I don't, I didn't realize I was that sensitive until I've actually allowed myself to start feeling feelings. But now that I can, I realize I am a very sensitive human being, which is great as an artist, but it's tough as a child. So I shut down my feelings. And that included when you don't feel the fear, you don't feel the sadness, you don't feel anything. You just lock down feelings. So I didn't allow myself to feel, and that's what caused me to feel dead inside. I couldn't feel anything. My internal flame was out. And now I've gone through three major bouts of depression in my life. The first time was in college and I was medicated, I was on antidepressants, and that didn't work for me because I just felt numb, completely numb. Like I was zoned out for two years of my life, basically. I don't remember much of it, other than I was performing on dance team and getting through a business degree. But I, for me, that didn't work. The second time was in my 30s, and it was before I started doing acting. And I tried herbal supplements because there was a lot of stress with I had three kids all under six. It was like two, four, and six. And I just felt burned out. Our youngest was having febral seizures, and uh, all the kids had allergies and just reactions to everything. So it was just super stressful. And I wasn't doing acting, I wasn't doing anything creative, and I think my soul was just hurting. And so I tried herbal supplements to just again numb out, get through it. But by the third time that it happened to me in my 40s, I healed by changing my mindset. And that actually is the thing that has stuck with me and has allowed me to truly feel everything. I learned to align my mind with my biggest dreams to say yes to them. And that required feeling my fear through exposure therapy, which I did over a year ago. I started it in July. Just put myself in the daily grind of go and do something that scares you. But that feeling of fear is what allowed me to also feel joy because I tapped into my feelings, which I hadn't felt that much of in years. So that's what I teach in the confidence shortcut, because that's what works. That's what worked for me, that's what works for my clients. And I lived through it, and joy returned when I stopped running from fear and started moving through it with it. When I felt the joy is directly after when I felt the fear. So, like I remember when we went whitewater rafting in Glacier National Park a year ago, and it was super scary, like rapids, but the elation that I felt afterward was off the charts. Like I remember being so surprised at how great I felt. And I realized that was the key to feeling joy was pushing myself through the things that scared me. And I talk about that in other episodes, but that's the excitation transfer process where your body gets revved up because of the fear, and then that elated feeling transfers into the joy as well. My new book, The Confidence Shortcut, is almost here, and I want you to be among the first to know when it goes on sale. This isn't just a book, it's also a journal and a calendar that walks you through the exact process I used to go from over-preparing and stuck in perfection to finding my voice and using it on stage in relationships and in business. When you sign up, you'll get early access updates, behind-the-scenes bonuses, and first divs when the book goes live in December. Don't wait. Sign up at the link in the show notes and be the first to know when the confident shortcut is available. All right, my second core value is connection. So, yeah, I just talked about this. When my parents divorced in sixth grade, I cried once in my closet, like sobbed like a baby, and told myself, that's enough. Never again. Don't do it. Don't do it. And so from that moment on, I built walls. Those walls followed me into adulthood, even my marriage. My husband would say, There's no connection. And I didn't understand because I felt like we were doing okay. But I had locked that part of myself away. I had locked away the ability to feel because it felt scary. And it wasn't until I faced fear head on that I realized if I can feel fear and still be okay, then I can feel my feelings and still be okay. And when I did that, that shifted everything. Connection came rushing back to my kids, to my husband, to my audience, to my clients, and to myself. Because when you let yourself feel fear, you finally let yourself connect. The third core value is growth. I've always been curious. I love learning. I've been a great student my whole life. Um, but for my for most of my life, I was terrified to act on what I learned. So I was just like learning stuff. I had notebook upon notebook, like piles of notebooks. And eventually I got like super frustrated because I'm like, why am I learning this and not using it? I'm just learning to learn. So I'd stay stuck in preparation mode, afraid of failing or looking stupid. And then two and a half years ago, I made a new decision. I made a new choice. I shifted out of the victim mindset who was afraid to fail and into a growth mindset who welcomed failure. I started seeing failure as feedback. That one mindset shift changed everything. I said yes to performing, to writing, to producing, to speaking again on stage. And this expanded my entire world and brought me more joy and connection in the process. They're like all combined. The joy, the connection, the growth, these are the roots of my dream life. They are my compass. They are my confidence shortcut when I have joy because I'm feeling fear, which allows me to feel joy. When I am connected, when I'm open to other people, when I am open to growth and open to failure, I can achieve anything that I set my mind to. I've seen this, I see other people doing this. So now it's your turn. You've heard my three core values. What about you? Don't pick what sounds impressive. Pick what feels like home. If you're torn between a few, just ask which one would I fight for? Which one causes sparks inside? Now I might even add courage to my core values list. I might add authenticity. Like I might have five instead of three. Just write down the ones that really stick out to you. And I'm gonna give you a list of them right now with their definitions. So the first one is adventure, includes bold new experiences, embracing the unknown. I have a friend, Julie, who is a very adventurous person, and she definitely loves and adventures. She loves traveling, she loves repelling mountains, whitewater rafting. She does all the adventurous stuff. Authenticity, showing up as your real self. That is definitely something people pleasers have a really hard time with that. And I was stuck in people pleasing for a very long time. I remember my mom used to say, Why do you do that? Why do you slap on this fake smile? And I was just like, I don't even know what to say to that because that is my protection. That's my mask. So yeah, authenticity is another really important one. Okay, the next one is autonomy, freedom to choose, self-direction. That's really important as entrepreneurs. Like if you're someone who doesn't like being bossed around, if you will, or being told what to do or how to do it, autonomy is a really important one for you. Connection, being seen, heard, and supported, being connected to others. Courage, acting even when fear is present. Sorry, acting even when fear is present. Yeah, fear might be precedent in your life, but fear is okay. Fear is probably gonna be with us forever. It's a natural instinct. And when we learn how to use it instead of avoid it, it can actually be a really great thing. Okay, the next one is creativity, expressing imagination and originality. Are you someone who thrives on creating something that you need, like you need water, like you need air? Do you need to create family, prioritizing loved ones and chosen family? This is another big one for me because when I started doing stand-up comedy, I was out almost every night doing open mics. And that I really struggled with. That's not a lifestyle choice that I will ever do, at least while I have kids, because I like being here at night when they get home from school. And even if I don't sit with them all night just being in the other room, it's really important for me. Okay, faith is another one, trusting in a bigger purpose or unfolding, like your faith is important to you. Freedom, the power to choose how you live and create, the freedom, growth, learning, expanding, evolving, is growth important to you? Honesty is truth-telling with self and others important to you. Impact creating meaningful change is impact a big one for you. Integrity, living your truth when it's hard. Is integrity important for you? Joy choosing lightness and delight because it is a choice. Joy, love, leading with compassion and care. Is love a core value of yours? My book, The Confidence Shortcut, is almost here. Want to be first in line when it goes on sale in December? Sign up at the link in the show notes to get early access, bonuses, and launch day alerts. Don't wait. Be the first to know. Courage, on purpose, every day. Play. Fun, curiosity, lightheartedness. Is that important? Just recently, like in the past couple months, play has really shown up for me in my life as I create sketch characters, as I sing, as I dance. Play is a really big one because I'm serving my inner child. I'm serving that child who may have had something happen and then wasn't able to do everything she wanted to do because she was afraid of being judged or failing. So now I'm like, what do you need? I look at my inner child photo from when I was nine and ask her, what do you need today? And a lot of times it's play. She needs to go and have some fun. Service, is service one of your core values? Generosity, lifting others. And the last one is vulnerability. Is emotional openness and sharing your heart one of your main things that you love doing? Okay. Next I want to reflect. I want to use these prompts to discover your compass. Where in your life are you already living your values? Number one, where in your life are you already living your values? So for me, I do the courage quest, which is me choosing joy. It's choosing growth and it's choosing connection because I have a group, a beautiful, wonderful, incredible group of people that are my clients in the courage quest. And that has created an enormous amount of connection and an enormous amount of growth as I witness them growing as well as joy. I love because it pushes me. Pushes me and it pushes them. And the connection and the growth and the joy are all there. Okay, number two, where are you out of alignment? So when I was doing the open mics, I was out of alignment because that was super hard for me. I felt like it just didn't line up with my family at the time. Now, maybe when I when my kids get older, it might, but that's a little tricky. So, like creating sketch videos would be more in alignment with me because I can do it from my house or I can do it from to fit my schedule versus being on someone else's schedule is tricky. Number three, what's one small action you can take this week to live one of them more fully? So where can you, if it's growth, where can you grow? What can you do that would push you outside your comfort zone? Okay, in closing, I'll leave you with Renee Brown's wisdom. Don't shrink, don't puff up. Stand your sacred ground. So don't shrink, don't puff up and stand your sacred ground. That's what living your values is. Standing your sacred ground. When you know your values, confidence becomes your natural state. Alignment is confidence. All right. Next week we'll take this clarity even further by dreaming a hundred times bigger, crafting your wildest yes life. Until then, live aligned, live brave, and keep standing your sacred ground. Thanks for being here. Thanks so much for listening to The Confident Shortcut. I hope today's episode woke something up in you, reminding you that your dream matters and you can start now. If this sparked something, share it with a friend who needs it too. And don't forget to follow me on Instagram at Nikki Stirner and join our Facebook community at The Confident Shortcut. Ready to take the next step? Check out my free guide, The Confidence Kickstart, linked in the show notes. Keep showing up. Keep taking action. And remember, the shortcut to confidence is courage.