From High Heels To Hidden Messages In A Story Of Control And Escape

Some stories don’t unfold like a single explosion. They unfold like a slow tightening. Christine comes back to the studio and picks up where we left off, walking us through the moment she tried to make love “hurt less” by lowering expectations and how that choice opened the door to deeper manipulation. What follows is a clear, lived example of narcissistic abuse: gaslighting that makes you question your gut, secrecy that turns your home into a guessing game, and control that shows up in money, movement, and who you’re “allowed” to talk to.

We talk about the night her family’s motorcycle accident changed everything, the early pregnancy tests and medical scare, and the way stress and isolation can make even basic decisions feel impossible. Christine shares what it’s like to be pregnant and trapped in coercive control, relying on family for diapers and phone time, and realizing that “he doesn’t hit me” doesn’t mean you’re safe. We also name the hard stuff directly: emotional abuse, financial abuse, sexual coercion, and the long shadow those experiences can cast into postpartum life.

The conversation turns toward reclaiming yourself: learning your red flags, rebuilding support, and letting go of shame for what you didn’t see sooner. If you’ve ever wondered whether what you’re living through “counts” as abuse, or you’re trying to help a friend who keeps going back, this is the kind of honest, specific story that can break denial and start a plan.

Subscribe for more real stories, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find these conversations. What red flag do you wish someone had named for you sooner?

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:58

All right.

SPEAKER_03 1:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:01

Now that we gotta take all that off. All right, welcome to the studio, everybody. We're back and we're recording.

SPEAKER_03 1:07

Yay. I'm so happy, honestly. It seems like it's been forever.

SPEAKER_02 1:11

I mean, it really has. We were came last week and we recorded, but we haven't been able to record as much as we really try to, but you know, I mean, life is lifing right now.

SPEAKER_03 1:21

I mean, I feel like that's just our always our story, but it really has.

SPEAKER_02 1:25

I just started a new job and like it this week has been finding your balance. Yeah, finding balance, and I'm doing homework that's and we also have a tournament right now, so you've kind of been dealing with that. And I'm finishing up with football this week, so I'm done, so I'm free. Yeah. Every night of the week now. I know for a while.

SPEAKER_03 1:44

So we have Christine back in the studio. Yay! Clap your hand. She has started a job and all things, and so it's been really hard to get her back in here. Little recap. I think we left off. We covered having Oakley, we covered leaving after Oakley or before Oakley was born, and then we had just got to finding out you were pregnant with Lakin.

SPEAKER_02 2:09

Or no, we hadn't gotten there yet. We hadn't got just getting back together. Just after grandpa died. Yeah. Okay, so grandpa died, you rekindle with him a little bit. You talked about him coming to Oklahoma and you guys ended up sharing a hotel room.

SPEAKER_04 2:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:25

So, and I think you even said that he ended up moving back down there with you. Yes. Okay, yeah. So after and you moved so that's where you were at, right? Yep. You were he he was living in Oklahoma with you guys. Yep. Okay. So go from there. Okay. So here's where it started to get weird. We got back together when weird in a good way or a bad way. Oh, that's that's bad. We had put Oakley to bed. This is the first time it happened. She was in her room and he seen my high heels laying on the ground, and he was okay. Question, hold on, real quick. Where are you living at at this time? Are you still in Oklahoma? In Moore. Okay, so you're in Oklahoma.

Open Relationship And First Flags

SPEAKER_03 3:02

Okay, and and a little back, what was kind of the stipulation of getting together? Like it was just gonna be like a relationship, but an open relationship? Correct. Yes. Okay, so okay, so lead with that part.

SPEAKER_02 3:15

Okay, so originally we got back together and I said I said it so maybe it would not hurt as much if he cheated on me. Okay. And I said, let's just do an open relationship. Talk to whoever you want. I'm not gonna talk. You go ahead and talk to whoever you want. So pretty much you were giving him permission to do whatever he wants. Whatever he wants. Yes. But then it turned into, well, I don't really want to. Okay. How about we do it together? Okay. Okay. So in in that aspect, he said, No, I don't want the open relationship. Yes. He just wanted to do the a traditional relationship. Yes. Okay. Okay, so keep going. Yeah. Okay. So back to when the weird stuff started happening. Um he's my high heels laying there. Okay. What kind of high heels? Um they were my high hoo my high hoos? High hoos? High heeled high boots. Oh. Okay, so that's they had a good um like three, four inches. Yeah. Yeah. Like a good chunk of a heel. And he was already tall. So he was like 5'11. Okay. But the laugh. He told me to Oh my gosh, this is gonna get steamy. Not not steamy at all. Sorry, sorry, not steamy. I was like, I don't want this kind of steam. He told me to bend over the bathroom. You can say it. You don't need to be able to do it. He told me to bend over the bathroom counter. Okay. And he put my high heels on. Wait, he did what? He put my high heels on. And what was your in like your first thought when he is telling you he's gonna put your heels on? I was like, what the fuck? What the fuck? This is the first sign of a red flag. I mean, and like not like that we hadn't had red flags going. I agree. At first I was like, what the fuck? And then he was like, oh, it's just so I can reach better. So hit it better. So he was claiming like it was gonna be a better angle. Yes, it was gonna hit better. He was gonna get in there a lot deeper. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Okay. It did not. I guess I could kind of see that logic. Still a red flag. Okay. Then what happened? We got lots of red flags. Which was I mean there was lots of red flags. A couple weeks later. That started happening. He started wearing heels while we were, you know, shebanging. You can just say while we were having sex. Yes, and then the first pair of leggings came. He ordered them because he was supposed to be ordering thermal men's leggings. Right? Yeah, under under his work clothes because he worked a tow truck. Okay. So it's outside. Yeah. And the elements. Yeah, he was in the snow. So I said, okay, yeah, fine, whatever. Go ahead and do that. He accidentally ordered women's and like he showed me, and I was like, oh, those are women's. Why do you have those? And he was like, oh, it doesn't have the the the opening right there, so it's more comfortable. I'm like, okay, whatever. Like you just didn't think about it. I didn't think about it. I did not think about that.

SPEAKER_03 5:57

And you guys, your relationship's going fine, like loving each other.

SPEAKER_02 6:01

He's giving you the attention you need. Yeah. He's affection. Yeah. And then I get my taxes.$10,000. I bought him technically all every single gun he owned when we broke up after Lincoln. I bought him those. I should have kept them. But they were all mine. I paid for every single add-on to it, like the scope, kickstands, the everything. His gun he bought, handgun, bought it.

SPEAKER_03 6:25

So you got your taxes, and at this point you weren't working at Sam's Club anymore. You had started working at Hobby Lobby, which by the way was a really good job.

Guns Gone Off And Moving North

Lake Night And Motorcycle Crash

SPEAKER_02 6:33

Yeah. And then he decided, randomly, I'm moving back to Missouri. And I said, Oh, the he just he has, he was like, I don't have enough friends here. I don't want to stay. I was like, okay. And he he really did not want me to he didn't. So that was your like like your f your second red flag for this go-around. I was like, oh, so you really just don't want me to come. And he was like, it's not that I don't. It's just, you know, I'd be okay. I'd come visit. And you just didn't think of that as a red flag. And then so he's like, but I will need, you know, 500 up to move myself down there so I can get a you. So you want my money. To move you, and you don't want me to come and our child to come. Make that make sense because motherfucker, you ain't getting no money from me. This is after that, by the way, which is a huge red flag. I know mom knows about this. We had just put in Oakley to bed, and this is by the time that Uncle Tony and Amanda lived there, but they were gone. She was down for an at Oakley was. Her crib was like way over here and the bed was way over there. He was cleaning his gun or setting something, and it went off and shot through the wall. The fuck? In the house. And I kept telling him, I kept telling him, stop doing that. The trigger obviously seems sticky. It's obviously a mishap, we just need to take it back. And he kept fucking with it. Did it hit in his mind? Did he not think that could have shot you? That could have shot my baby. No, literally, I was it was this close to shooting me. It hit right here. Like the more I I mean Earthly was like farther away. Like she was farther away from the other side. She was on the other side. The other side of the room. But it woke, like it was soaking wild, it woke her up. Started grandma come running into the room. There's just a hole. There's a little hole in the wall. What kind of gun was it? It was a rifle. So uh like a 38, uh 22. I think it was a 22. Yeah. So I mean that's a pretty big hole. That'd fix it. I had to I had to buy this stuff to patch the hole. Because his dumbass couldn't. I swear if I ever see a hole. Like this man could have killed me. Not once has this happened with a gun. Twice. Okay. So I don't know why I stayed. How it's fine. No, it's fun. You stayed because you wanted that family. He promised you to give a family and you just kept hoping on to that dream. Yeah, I kept just chugging along. So we moved back to Missouri. I ended up convincing him to let me go because his daughter wants to know him. Yeah, at that point, Oakley would forget about him. There was no chance. Are you okay over there? Yeah. Acid reclify. Okay. So at that point, we're back up in Missouri. He might hair train just to be able to do it. Move in with his parents or his mom and his dad. That gets that's when stuff starts happening. You know, he starts going out a lot to go play pool with his buddy. And had you met this so-called buddy? No. You never met him. No. I went to play pool with him once, but that was a different buddy than the one he was always going. Yeah. Always going out with. Well, you know, all that like I lived there with him and his mom and stepdad. He was going out all the time. Oakley was like his mom was babysitting Oakley while I was working at a Chinese restaurant. Well, then one day I remember setting my alarm after eight o'clock. Oh wait, hold on. Rewind. This is a very important part. We take Oakley to go stay the night with our Aunt Laura. Okay. And I said, ooh, a child free night. Cool. So we go to the lake. Oh, uh-huh. And we have yikes. Uh-huh. You were shining it up. Yes. With high heels on in the middle of the lake, by the way. Whoa, wait, wait, wait, Meg. Who had the heels on? He did. What else was he wearing? High heels or just high heel boots? Just high heel boots. At that point, we hadn't gotten to them. Oh, okay. That was just the high heels. Okay. That's it. So yeah, he was wearing high heels. There's that. Then we go pick Oakley back up the next day. Is that the night the accident happened? Hold on. Rewind. That night I remember going to bed. Oakley was not with us still. She was still in Aurora. I remember waking up and I had hundreds of calls from my sister, from my grandma, from Laura, from Stephanie. And I remember looking at my phone and I said, There's not one for my mom and dad. They crashed. It was like an instinct. I said, I don't have one from something happened. Because if everybody else was trying to get a hold of me, they would have tried to get a hold of me too. I remember like shooting out of bed, waking Corey up and saying, You need to get the fuck up. We need to go get Oakley. And he was like, Why? And I was like, I have hundreds of missed calls. Had you talked to anybody at this point? Not yet. And he was like, just figure out what's going on first. So I called Grandma Carol. She had just fallen asleep and get her, I'd get her up and get her talking. And she's like, Your mom was in an accident. Your mom and dad were in an accident. I I don't know how bad she is at this point. Like, still, nobody knew if you were okay. Yeah. I said, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on my way. I'm gonna go pick up OP and we're we're on our way. I was in full tears by now. And I said my mom and dad were in a motorcycle accident. We have to go to Oklahoma. He said no. And I remember I bypassed him. I said, Fuck you. I'm gonna go talk to your mom. I talked to his mom. His mom was like, Corey, if that was me, you would want to be there. Take her right now. So I made his ass take me. Good. Because that was my mom and dad. You could be dead, and I didn't even know. Yeah. I didn't know. Yeah. I wasn't taking that shit. So we picked up a clean and we went, that was the night we made the lake. And uh something tells me, because dad mentioned this thing. Wait. Well, okay, wait. So the night your mom and dad crashed is the night they went to the lake. Is the night that you got pregnant with Lakin? Tell me that isn't weird. Bro, I did not know that. Listen, I left How did I not know that? Listen, I left Laura's house like two hours before they crashed. And we were up at the the lake for maybe like 10, 20 minutes. And then I went home and immediately went to bed. And then like 30 minutes later, I was already asleep. 30 minutes later is when Courtney started calling me. Blowing up my phone. But I had my phone on do not disturb.

SPEAKER_04 12:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:28

Do you sleep with your phone on do not disturb now? Yeah. I refuse to. My volume is always on full blast. Put up. My phone rings in the middle of the night and it freaks me out. Still, it gives me PTSD. Yeah. Because when dad died. So yeah. But it is Yeah, and your mom's too. Like those things give me PTSD with my phone ringing. Dad mentioned yesterday about how he doesn't know why he was alive. Like they they should have been dead, right? And I just wanted to tell him, but I didn't want to say it because of how weird that was to admitting my dad. It's because that night I created looking and you guys were meant to be there. I 100% feel that. Yeah, I agree. That gives me chills, bro. They were meant your dad was meant to be grandpa, grandpa, papa. Yeah. Like he is. It was meant for his boy. Yeah. He was meant, he was supposed to be alive so he could finally have a boy in the family. Yeah. Yeah. No, I agree. I I foolheartedly agree. So okay, so you guys get to Oklahoma. Yeah. What happens once you guys get there? I see mom, you know, and I try to take Oakley in there. She was too scared. She she was too young. You know, I took care of mom and like the whole time we were there was like Didn't he leave you there and he came back to Missouri? No. No, you you didn't stay with your mom.

SPEAKER_04 13:41

No.

SPEAKER_02 13:42

Okay. Um we did I did stay the night there so I could take care of Dad. And I did go to like Walgreens and stuff and picked up all his creams for his arm and stuff like the bandages, the wraps. And I did pick up everything for his arms. I picked him up pain medicines and all the other stuff they'd got for him, and I filled his prescriptions. Yeah. Yeah, because he had to go home before me. I made sure Dad was okay. But the biggest thing is the first thing I did when I got there was Courtney wasn't even there yet. Or no, yeah, Courtney was. She was at the house with me and we told Chelsea because she was freaking out. She was like, why isn't mommy and daddy home? Me and Courtney had to sit down and be like, hey, mommy and daddy. They they were in a very they were in a serious motorcycle accident. Mommy's in the hospital right now. Yeah. And this was also, what was it? It was Good Friday. Yeah. So this was the Saturday afternoon. Well, it was the that Friday. It happened.

SPEAKER_03 14:37

We went down on that Good Friday and then or no, it was already past midnight, so it was already Saturday morning. But we had started out the night on Good Friday. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:46

Yeah. Yeah. So all that happened. And I remember laying in like on the air mattress in the guest bedroom. And I remember laying there and he was on his phone texting another girl that he hated being down here. Like he doesn't know why he had to come. And then and then when I asked him about this girl, he goes, Oh, that's my girl best friend from high school. Okay, whatever. Fine. Okay. So you go back home. We go back home. Did I get to come home before you go home? No. Yeah, I think I was a nurse for like five days. Yeah, you can't get it. But I did call somebody very special to come get you. I made sure that she came. And it was the biggest surprise for you. It was. I made sure my mom's best friend came to see her. I said, Mom is in like critical. I said, Mom is really bad. Like you need to come. Like I was crying on the phone. I had to call Uncle Richard to get a hold of her.

SPEAKER_04 15:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:35

Like I could not get a hold of her. I called Paige. I was like, what's your dad's number? I called Libby. I need your dad's number. Yeah. They finally gave it to me. I called. I reached out to her and I said, and I said, Mom was in a really bad accident. And she said, Don't say anything more. I'm on my way. Yeah. And I said, okay. I said, I just want to make sure somebody's here for my mom. Cause I I have to go home. So, Mom, I I got your best friend there for you. Absolutely. That was the literally like the bet like. And I'm just gonna interject here. As this is part of Christine's story, and you guys have heard kind of Amanda's story, but we've never fully gone into that of Amanda's story. We did touch on it with her story when we did her little get to know Amanda. Yep. We'll get into that. The accident. Yeah. Just the accident. Just the accident. Yeah. Because there's a lot to that. So we'll we're gonna. This is my perspective. Yeah, this is her perspective. This is definitely her perspective. So just the still part of her story to her relationship. So you guys come home. Yeah, we go home. And a few weeks go by. We're fine, no. Whatever. I lose my job at the Chinese restaurant because I had to take off that one day to go down to see my mom because she was in a motorcycle accident. So they fired you for it. Fired me for it. They were like, Well, you you couldn't be here, so you can you gotta let you go. Okay, thank you. There was a family crisis. So obviously it wasn't a place you wanted to work anyway. Chinese spawn. Nobody beats China Walk. I don't know what you're talking about. Uh yeah, we go home. You're still living in Springfield? We're still living in Springfield. Our relationship is good. I mean, so is it really good? Not really. Oh, you were starting to fight a lot. Like there was days he would ignore me. Something that my best friends asked me the other day. They go, Did he ever really talk to you? Did you guys ever like actually talk? Did he actually know you? No. Did he like if you if we would have asked him to say like what's Christine's color? What color is her eyes? What's her favorite thing to do? Do you know once what he told somebody? Like one of his best friends, girlfriends at the time, she looks at him and goes, What's her eye color? He goes, Brown. Bro, your eyes are blue. My eyes are blue. And there's another red flag. Can we can we just say one of the red flags? What's my favorite color? He goes, pink. Another red flag. Blue. You're wearing it. You are wearing my pink.

SPEAKER_03 17:54

Oh, I knew that. It's yellow. Azy yellow. I know that. Yes. I'm sorry. Bro, I was like, she's wearing black. I didn't see the yellow. I looked down and I seen the black and I was like, oh, it's that's a that's a mom fill. Anyways, I didn't know I did know. But I was on the spot, so it was like blue. My I thought it was blue.

Early Pregnancy Test And Misread

SPEAKER_02 18:15

Because when you were little, it was blue. I got either cortisol brain or perimenopause brain. So you gotta forgive me. I was self-obsessed. Yeah. I was self-obsessed with my own eyeballs. Okay, so let's get on track. Anyway, so he didn't even know like anything about me. When do you finally tell him you're pregnant? Have you found out you no? Oh, you haven't found out um three weeks go by. I started getting something like the flu. Like it felt like the flu, but it wasn't really the flu. Like I thought I was sick with the cold. Like I had a stuffy nose, I was congested, I was sick, like my sinus is hurt, my lungs hurt. Never knew this was a pregnancy symptom. Ever. His mom went out and bought me like a 99 cent little pregnancy test. The ones that work the best. I don't give a crap what anybody says. I take it and I text Destiny. I was like, Do you see the line? Because like I've seen it. I don't know. She was like, I don't know, maybe test tomorrow. Is that when your period's due? And I was like, Yeah. So I get another one. I test it. Like there was another fate line. And I said, okay. And instead of having his mom go this time, I call Aunt Tiffany. Aunt Tiffany comes and takes me to the hospital. So we go to the hospital and the doctor tried to tell me I was having a miscarriage. They were like, oh, you're having a miscarriage. The HCD is too low. No, little did they know I was three weeks pregnant. Three weeks. So how did you find out you were three weeks pregnant? They I went to Doctor's Deaf office later. Aunt Tiffany took me and they did a vaginal ultrasound? Yeah. Okay. And they found out I was four weeks at that point. At that point. So they were like, oh yeah, last week you were three weeks. I was three weeks. So you're you were a very early tester, yeah. Tester like me. I found out when I was pregnant at four weeks with Oakley. So yeah, I found out both times really, really early on. Like with me with all my kids. Because I just knew something was off. Like I was sick. That's being in tune with your body and that's a good thing. That's really good thing. Yeah. Let's be real honest. Christine's the one that told me I was pregnant with him. I'm getting I'm yeah. I kept telling her. I was like, it's pregnant. No, I'm not. I remember I walked in to Walmart and I said, I'm going to go get you a pregnancy test. I bought her six. And I brought them home and I made her take them and she was pregnant. The first one popped. Instant blank. I looked at her and I said, I was right. Ha ha. And what? When I went to the doctor, I was like four weeks. Yeah. Like literally so early. This is what happens when we get together. So I find out I was pregnant. That's when like I I went into the car because he had just gone home from work and I told him. He looked at me. No emotion. Looked at me. Just void. And said, Okay, so what do you want to do about it? We're gonna have a baby dipshit. Like, what do you mean? I thought he said, but we have to move out. Because his mom and stepdad were kicking us out.

unknown 21:11

Oh.

Camper Life And Secret Packages

SPEAKER_02 21:12

Because we had to pay a thousand dollars or something like that. Yeah, it was something ridiculous. So where did you guys move to? We had no options. So we moved into Aunt Tiffany's camper. He let you and Oakley's what two at this point? No, she just turned three. Okay, so you pregnant a three-year-old in a camper. Did this camper have electricity? Yes. Did it have heat? No. Did it have running water? No. And he let you live like that. Until our house was ready. Yeah. Was that ever ready? Really? Like a month before I gave birth. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, this is when it started getting a little more creepier. Yeah. Weirder. Mm-hmm. Okay. Uh detail, sister. It was the middle of the summer. He said I'm gonna order some stuff. Is that okay? His packages came out, opened them because I'm a nosy bitch. I mean I mean it's your boyfriend. Like, why can't you guys do his packages? Yeah, I'm a nosy bitch. Oh, there's badges. He bought songs. Bikini bottoms. I thought maybe they were for me, but they weren't a size small. Yeah, they're small. So did you think he was ordering them for some other Hold hold hold pause for the cause, pause for the cause. You're telling me he ordered a size small of women's thongs. So that's what it started as. Hold on. So, Miss Ma'am, you're telling me that things were small enough to fit into a woman's small thong. No, no, no. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 22:48

Because that was really like, is this my growth management?

Isolation And Financial Control

SPEAKER_02 22:50

My boy got a ha tiny penis. Oh, okay. No, he didn't. Oh, don't no, I don't I don't need to. I just I just was trying to, you know. Anyway. Not trying to visualize. Anyway. Oh my god. Okay, so he ordered thong underwear. What else did you find in the packages? That was it. So the first one. Okay. Okay. He started wearing those, especially when we had So he was wearing them while you were eyes packed. Having intimate. While you guys were being intimate. Yeah, and he would also wear them to bed. Okay. Under his boxers. Yeah. And his pajama pants. Okay. So he wait, okay, so this man was wearing thongs, boxers, and pajama pants. In the the heat of summer. In the heat of summer. But listen, I'm not gonna lie, I bought an AC unit and I kept that bitch cold. Okay. I kept it like 55. Okay, but that still does not make sense. Because, bro, you got underwear on. Why do you need boxers on and pajama pants? They're really not underwear. No boxers. It's it's really so whatever. Months go by. More and more thongs and underwear come in. And he was using the neighbors mailbox. Oh okay. Uh-huh. They were getting delivered there. Or they would get delivered at the shop door. Then I wish you guys could see her face too. Ordering more high heels. Oh, so he started ordering his own shoes. Bes in his size, because my size was too small. Oh, okay. So what kind of heels did he buy himself? Or what kind of shoes did he buy himself? He bought himself a black leather pair of stilettos. Like, were they stripper stilettos? Or like just like a good like a baby stiletto. A baby stiletto, but not like a platform. No. Like a stiletto. It was like a heel. Can you show me? Like I I need a visuals. Like what kind of what kind of high heel was it? Like, was it a boot? Leather boot. Okay. It's boots. Yeah. Okay. He had an obsession with the boots. Um, so that started. I remember asking him straight out. I looked at him one day because I started getting worried. I looked at him and I said, Are you gay? And he said, No, why would you think that? I'll stop wearing them. I was like, okay. Gaslighting. Remember calling Shelby and narcissists. Being like, is this normal? Because I looked it up and some guys do have a dressing up as a woman. Kink. Yeah. Like, that is a kink. I thought maybe that was his kink. Until I found messages of him messaging his gay best friend. Wait. Leather mini skirt showing his weenie. This man. So he put on a leather skirt. Did it open his little peeny hard. And sent a dick pic to his gay best friend. Were they fucking Christine? Do you think they were fucking? This guy lived in Springfield. Was he always in Springfield according to the bars now? No. Not. Was he going to Springfield a lot? No. So here's where it gets weird. He had another guy best friend. His name was Schmidt. Schmidt. Okay. They were very weird. Like I Uncle Jay. Uncle Jay goes, are they is he gay? They acted gay together. Like it was weird. I'm a hundred percent sure they slept together because they would always go to the bar down in Miller. Miller. Do you think they would get drunk? And then I've seen a text message of him inviting a girl while I was because it was too hot to stay at the camper. I remember him inviting a girl over to the camper while I was up at Tiffany's house to stay the night in the camper with him. And I remember seeing this girl pull in because I was there getting stuff. And I looked and I walked outside. This girl pulls out and drives off. And I seen the text saying I'm here on his Apple Watch. He wasn't even home. Oh bitch. Why the fuck? Why didn't you kick him out at that point? Okay, why that? But bitch, why didn't you tell me, girl, I would then come and throw in some hands. Okay. I know I'm trying to be right, but back then I wasn't. Okay, I would have thrown some hands. Can I can I he was also still self-isolating me. Yes, he was. He was very allowed to talk to you guys. I was not allowed to have a job at this point again. Yeah. Still not allowed to get my license. I had a car.

unknown 27:04

I had a car.

SPEAKER_02 27:05

I would drive it every day because it got really cold. I kept asking him to change the oil because Uncle Jay said that needed done. Obviously, he's not a man and he never did it.

unknown 27:13

Oof.

SPEAKER_02 27:14

My engine blew. Anyway, yeah. He would leave me home. And I would have the amount of breaths I'm gonna have to take out of this. You're a heavy breather. Like stop, you're making me so conscious. No, you're fine. I'm just giving you a hard time. At this point, I was not allowed to go anywhere with him. You can ask Tiffany this. Yeah, he's just you were you were pretty much a prisoner in your own home. I mean, and I say home loosely because it was a camper. So I want to touch on this. Um you babysat for your aunt. Yes. And would earn money. Yeah. And when you would ask to go get McDonald's, what would he tell you? No. Why would he tell you no? What would he say? I was getting too fat, and I didn't need it. I need to go walk around. I was growing a fucking baby, and by that time I had lost so much weight because I couldn't eat, and McDonald's was the only thing I could eat, so I wouldn't starve. Yeah, I was getting too fat. Mind you, my baby was measuring so fucking big. Yeah. Of course I was gaining a lot of weight. I mean, I wasn't gaining weight, I was losing weight. Yeah. That was just baby. Yeah. So how much how much did Lycan weigh when he was born? 10 pounds and 11 ounces. And gosh, I forgave you something. So during all this, during all this, if you needed diapers for Oakley or you needed cell phone time, who would you have to ask? I would I would have to ask my Uncle Russell. To buy me diapers, buy me phone time or pay for my Aunt Corey's phone. Because he refused to. And it wasn't just Uncle Russell you asked. Like, I would get you diapers for Oakley. Your mom and dad would get you diapers for Oakley. Tiffy would get you phone too. You know how many times I had to reach out to Uncle Tony. Yeah. I had to reach out to my grandma because he refused to. Because at at the end of the day, he's not a man. He refused to buy anything. And I remember one day And anytime you got money, you had to give it to him. Yeah. You weren't allowed to spend your money on you or Oakley or the you know or stuff for Lycan. So at this point I stopped saying it, Tiffany Paidney. At this point, I got so desperate when he was sleeping because I know that motherfucker never counted in money. Yeah. He was stupid. I would still have money. I would steal money from him. I mean he stole your money, so I'm not. Also, at this point, what did your Uncle Russell offer you? No, not yet. Oh, that's not yet? Uh oh. Oh, okay. At this point, I had started talking to somebody. Um, what made you want to start talking to somebody else? Because it got so bad. I was at home every night crying. And he wouldn't come home. He was just gone. He was just gone. There was one night he did not come home for a day. I didn't know where he was. So do you think he was in Springfield with that guy? Probably. Probably. I don't know where he was. Uh actually I I do know now where he was. Because the girl did reach out and tell me where he was. He was with his later we'll talk about that. So he was he was always gone. He was never home. When he was home, he didn't talk to me. This went on for months. Come the gender reveal. I remember Uncle Russell and Aunt Laura pulled me away. And they said, We'll buy you an apartment. Or get you an apartment. And you can get away. Because I said, I need out. I need out. I need somebody to come take me home. I can't I can't be here anymore. Then all of a sudden I was like, he knew that I was having doubts. Do you think it was also because he found out what you guys were having? So what were you having? A boy. A boy. So do you think that changed his mind on a lot of stuff and kind of switched his gears a little bit? I think so. Okay. Because he started acting like normal. He took me out once. Took me out. But I I started talking to somebody. I reached out to my guy best friend Bo, which is something nobody knows, and I said, You tell me to leave him, I will. Because I just it wasn't that I wanted to be with Bo. It was I wanted him to tell me to leave him because I loved Bo so much as a friend. If he told me to leave him because you respected him. Let's be honest, I was in love with Bo. You were. You were very much If he told me to leave him and move back to Oklahoma to be with him, I would have done it. Bo looked at me like because we were on FaceTime and he said, I would tell you to do it, but that's up to you. It's your choice. You have to want it. I just needed him to say it. I needed him to say it and I would have left. I would have had him come get me because he said he wanted to. That was your sign you were done. But I I kept staying. Now let's just play one or fast forward. Okay. We all know everything was really bad. I was self-isolated, getting financial abuse again. Yeah. Yeah. Baby shower. Baby shower, yeah. He was there. His mom left. So he threw a big ass hissy fit to me outside. Because his mom wasn't comfortable there. Because Tracy was there. Yeah. So she was uncomfortable, so she wasn't coming inside. Well, that sounds like a personal problem, not and he got mad because we were making him uncomfortable uncomfortable. And then he got uncomfortable, so he had his friends show up. And stayed outside the entire time, right? Besides for pictures and to open gifts. Yeah. Which is a majority how I got most of everything I needed for Lincoln. Your family, because we come in clutch, right? Because he told me that he doesn't need that much. Why does he need all that? He doesn't need diapers. He doesn't need bottles. He doesn't need you don't need a breast pump. Thank God Aunt Tiffany went and bought me one for surprise. Yeah. Fast forward past the whatever. Baby Shar. Which was in November. We had an appointment. This appointment he did come to. The first one ever. And you're what, eight, nine months pregnant?

unknown 32:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:25

Okay. Um, the first one ever. It was something like mom and everybody brought up to me, which is something you guys don't know. He said right before we walked in, he said, You you you get your tubes tied, I'll marry you and we can be a family. Two's enough for us. No, I you told me. Everybody knows that. Okay. Everybody knows that you got your tubes tied because of him. Well I have had conversations too. Yeah. But he's the reason. Yeah. I didn't want it. Do you know how many times I asked him? Are you sure? Because I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_04 33:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:05

So I signed the waiver to get my tubes out. And I remember Dr. Def looking me in the eyes. I'm pretty sure she could tell. Cause she kept offering, like, you don't have to do this. It can't be undone. I mean not the way she had it. Not the way she had it. So, yeah, that happened. They're burned, soldered, tied the whole nine. And there's no reverse saying that. No. Wow. So fast forward, we're now in the house. By the way, in this amount of time, I was nine months pregnant, like three weeks from my c-section date. And he made me move all the stuff from the camper to the house by myself in the snow. I mean, did Aunt Tiffy help you at all, or like was it just you and her? Like it was just me and her. Like she tried to drive me down there, but she was busy with all those kids. Yeah, she had quite a few kids. So at this point it was just me and I was dragging boxes up to the house to try and move.

SPEAKER_04 34:00

He had borrowed I don't know what it's called, but it was like this heater thing from Uncle Jay. Like a gas. Yeah. Kerosene heater.

SPEAKER_02 34:11

So we were living like that. Again, not a comfortable living situation for a baby to come into. Your mom comes down. At this point, we were getting so bad he wouldn't even talk to me. Like contact. He so we go I I go in for my C-section.

SPEAKER_03 34:30

Mom and I will say I get to the house and I'm not okay with how this baby's gonna be coming home.

SPEAKER_02 34:40

Uh how your granddaughter and the thing. Or how my granddaughter or my daughter nope, nope, nope. Horrible living condition. So we go in for the C section. By the way, nobody knew where he was. He said he was staying with his grandma. Who went in with you? I did. I did. You went in the C-section room with me. Yeah. Okay. We had him.

unknown 34:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:59

We got my toots done. And he was not in there at all. No. I remember, like, after I was in the ICU area or whatever. I remember like waiting. Like I kept texting him, like, where are you? Like, our son's here. Like, where are you? He came for what, I think like five minutes. Yeah, he wasn't there long. No. Because when I got there, he had just gotten there. Like, at first I thought he was looking at him like, wow, I love this little dude. Now that I look at it, there was nothing. He just smiled over a picture. There was nothing there. Mm-mm. Because when I grabbed him from him, he like he was like here. Yeah, he had no like no like no I wanna like no warmth in his heart. So this is real fucked up. I get him to come pick me up from the hospital. And how many days had were you in the hospital and how many times did he come visit you while you were in the hospital? I was in the hospital three days. And how many times did he come see you? That one time. That one time to see the baby. Yep. Yep. And he booked it out. Yep. I mean he came and picked me up. Yes, he did. Signed the birth certificate. Mm-hmm. And you gave Lakin what? His last name. Which is of my biggest regret. Never. I remember we two we went home, he took me home and he said, My friend needs me to go watch his farm for a couple days and feed the animals. And I said, We just had a baby and he just walked out to work. Left me. Mom is there though. No. No, you went home. Yeah, I'd already gone home. I came back. No, you didn't. I came back to pick you up. No, he didn't. Who brought you? Okay, anyway. So or a couple days. Yeah. I think it's like two days. He comes back, three trunks for what? His dad and his stepmom were at my house helping me move stuff from my storage unit because he was missing. Nobody could a hold of him. Even his own mother thought he was dead. Nobody knew where he was.

SPEAKER_03 36:46

And you had to move your storage unit because he wouldn't pay you. And so you needed help getting everything out.

Leaving For Oklahoma And Healing

SPEAKER_02 36:53

Yeah. Yeah. His dad and his stepmom helped you. Which pisses me off because I lost a lot of my grandma. Well, not because his step you set No, yeah. His ma or his stepdad and his dad and his stepmom helped you get all of the things out. Yeah. Besides there was a little left. Yeah. But You lost it. Which was my grandpa's stuff. Anyway. Comes back with like three trucks full of men. And I remember looking at him. I was on the front porch smoking a cigarette because I was so stressed. Stressed? I was smoking again. I had just popped a baby out. Yeah. Mind you, I couldn't even get up to change my pants. Yeah, because after a c-section, it's a lot. Now and you're a c-section and taking care of two children. And he just left me. Anyway, he comes. And I remember looking at him because I've seen all these guys lost friends. And he comes walking up the porch. And I remember like rage overtaking me. And I just I thought I was gonna kill him. I thought I was gonna kill him. But I remember just looking at him and I said, So you make me get my tubes out. So I can't have kids, so you can leave me? And what was his answer to that? So you can never have kids with another man. Typical narcissist. And he said, I'm breaking up with you. The rage that went through me. Did he ever try to take the kids though? No. Does he try to contact them? No. A few weeks later, after I moved back down to Oklahoma. Mm-hmm. Or actually it was a long time after that. I think it was a couple months, I found out the girl best friend, every time he would went missing, he was with her. While he was while I was giving birth to his child, he was with her. Staying in her apartment. How long after you moved back to Oklahoma? You've had a baby? And that's like you moved there like within a week or two. How long after that did you go get a job? I moved back in. Oh yeah. Four days after you'd like was born, that's right. So how long did it take you to get a job? After weeks. I was three weeks postpartum C-section. Hadn't even gotten my six-week checkup and I started working. There could have been possibilities I could have really hurt myself. But you had to go to work because you had to take care of babies. I had to. You wouldn't you couldn't work. No, I was working. I was working at Daven Buster's or I was working at the Grow at that time. So I was working. Not when I first moved there, no. Oh. No. That was after. Yeah. Like I was a little bit after. Okay. I still didn't have like you tried to go work at the bar. I remember. You tried to go work at Margarita's. We still had some had no grip still. Oh, okay. You were still going to therapies. But yeah. No, uh Yeah, and I mean he contacted me on Oakley's birthday. After a year of not er, no. It was what? Three months, four months? Four months. Four months. After not talking. Just wanted to talk to her. I tried to message him several times about like how are we gonna do this? Like, are you gonna come down here and visit them? Because like I'm not gonna do that. You're trying to give him options. Like, do you want to see pictures of kids? Do you want to FaceTime Oakley? Never nothing. He never cared about Lakin. No. He's never asked about him. Only Oakley. Still to this day, any message you've ever gotten to has always just been about Oakley. So how is your life now? Amazing. Do you feel happier? You're working on that. No, I am. A hundred percent. You look back like I don't cry. No, I mean you do sometimes, but not over like stuff like that. I don't cry over him anyway. Oh yeah, no. You work, you have Oakley in school. Life is good. We're driving. Pouring love into yourself. Working on yourself, trying to do makeup more often, do your hair more often. Is and that is something that he took from you. Because Christine was one girl that like she loved to have her hair done. She did her makeup to the s the sky. Like the girl was I lost every ounce of and you're slowly getting it back. You are. She is. I've done a lot of like self-reflection since the last podcast. There's something I did. I forgave him. Yeah. I mean, you do have to I mean because you can't carry that with you. You can't carry that with you. It was like the biggest weight lifted off my chest because I will not like I cannot tell you how much I hated him for taking something away from me. Basically kind of like manipulating me into doing something. Is that what bugs you so much about it, like at first? Because like what I was so upset with and like Because it it wasn't the fact that you got your tubes tied. Because I mean, at the end of the day, like two kids is a lot in this day and age. No, that's exactly what bothered me so much. It wasn't the fact that he left his kids because I knew he was gonna do it. I had a feeling it was gonna happen again. I always knew the other shoe was gonna drop. Yeah. It was the fact that I willingly let myself fall for it. Yeah. And let him take a part of me away, knowing if I meet my future husband, like the right man, the God sent man, if he wants a kid, we have to go through IBS and fertility issues.

SPEAKER_03 42:05

I will tell you, if it is the right man, even if he wanted kids and you're not able to, that's not gonna break anything, and he's n it's not gonna bother him.

SPEAKER_02 42:13

The right man will say, you know what? We're gonna adopt some kids. So at the end of the day, I know that now, but like that's something that is something Can I put it into perspective that helped me heal? Well God had to give me something to hate him so much with every fiber in my bone that I would never go back to him. God gave me a reason to hate him for the rest of my life. And I did. It has willed me to I will never go back to that man, ever. I mean, I think honestly, we would all slap you and be like, no. I know. But I think God needed to do that for you, you for you. Stop. Yeah, stop going back. Yeah. And it sucks it had to be such a big, a big thing, crawling thing.

SPEAKER_03 42:52

And because I would hate to see like you like the way he would do to like isolate you and do all these things and like mess with your mental health because as a teenager you didn't have the best mental health because of you know how many times and we were driving down the road together with Oakley in the back seat.

SPEAKER_02 43:11

How many times I thought about opening the car door and rolling out the car? Yeah. Pregnant. I was pregnant. That's the only thing that stopped me. Yeah. Because he made you so crazy. Now I wanna I don't want to say crazy because that's not your mental health. Like he really tested you. So bad. Like I was isolated. Not even he would talk to me. But that is a so have you learned those red flags now? Oh like do you can you when you're starting to talk to somebody, can like you start seeing those red flags, you're like, oh yes, nope, I gotta cut. Listen, it happened a couple weeks ago. A man decided to talk to me how a man should not be talking to me, and said, Well, it's your fault that you like me so much. And I I think we all know who this man was. Does he live down the street? Yeah. Huh. I don't like him. It's my fault that I like him so much. It's my fault he made me this way. Nothing's ever gonna happen between us. I said, okay. Fuck you. I blocked him.

unknown 44:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 44:06

I'm a very fast blocker now.

SPEAKER_03 44:08

I think right now just focusing on yourself, focusing on your children is the best thing, and the God will put the right man in your path.

SPEAKER_02 44:18

I don't talk to anybody. Well, besides my best friends. I don't want a man. Right now, no. Right now, no.

SPEAKER_03 44:24

You need to focus on yourself. You still have a lot of healing still to do. No, I know.

SPEAKER_02 44:28

That's why.

SPEAKER_03 44:28

You still have healing to do, and you got babies to raise, and you're working, and you need to focus on writing a book, and you need to focus on getting a license and doing the things that he wouldn't allow you to do.

SPEAKER_02 44:42

Which was something you always said was stupid. Yes. That I like to write books, that I like to read.

SPEAKER_03 44:48

Yes, you read books, you read dark romance. Like you were you were reading. You don't read dark romance anymore. That was just a phase.

Red Flags Advice And Resources

SPEAKER_02 44:55

I read fantasy. Can we go? Okay, so let's recap with our viewers. If you're one thing I do need to mention that is a very important part of the story. First, go around, which is something I did not mention. There was an incident leading up to our breakup, like a couple days before I left. I kept telling him no. I didn't I wasn't in the mood. I was pregnant. I wasn't in the mood. And he pressured me into it. After we broke up, I remember telling Shelby and Destiny that it I said no. You know, I said no. But he kept pressuring me into it until I said yes. I did not know. The former rape. That's a form of rape. He sexually assaulted me until I gave in. That's that's a real thing. And I remember exactly problems in the second relationship leading to right before I gave birth. Yeah. I wasn't allowed to talk to Shelby and Destiny. Yeah, no, he he isolated me. Because they said he's a rapist, Christine. Yeah. They remembered. So I'm gonna ask you a question. So, to somebody that is in a relationship with somebody like that, what is your best advice you could give them? My best advice. Your best advice to somebody that might be going through a situation like you went through dealing with a narcissist, see through it. Try. Try as hard as you can, see through it. And if you can't see through it, listen. If your family tells you to leave, do it. Don't get out. Because he could have killed you once or twice. I mean, essentially could have killed you twice just by being stupid. And something I think about, like a lot, is the way that I said that he put hands on me, a lie about what you said at the end of the podcast last time. You didn't say it on air. Is that why I said that he put hands on me? And I said yes, because I was hiding the truth that he held a gun to my head.

SPEAKER_04 46:40

I think that yeah.

SPEAKER_02 46:41

Do you what do you think would have happened if like we all would have known at that point in time? Being being who we are, what do you think would have happened? I can't say on air. I mean, we probably wouldn't. I mean I mean, let's not say anything. Let's let's just say because at this point my grandpa was alive. Oh, with the first. Yeah. I think your whole family would have he probably got a would have got a good ass beaten. My grandpa 100%. Which I think he still deserves because on another note, how many children has he had since your two? I mean, okay Okay, so so here's something I never knew. Well, I did know. The first child is not Oakley. No, it was a it was with a girl, his ex-girlfriend. She cheated on her husband with him and got pregnant. That kid looks just like my daughter. You're not gonna tell me that's not his kid. He lies to she lies to him and says that's not his kid, so she can get military benefits. But I know for sure that's his kid. Mm-hmm. Okay, and then you got Oakley and Lakin. No. Okay, yeah, that's right. This is another thing I forgot. In the midst of us getting back together, he was still with her and I did not know it. Another baby mama, apparently. Yeah, he was yeah, he was with her. While he was in Oklahoma with me for the first time, shebanging, taking our daughter to the zoo. She was in the hospital giving birth. So he ditched another baby mama at the hospital. I did not know that until after he gets there and FaceTimes me in the room, and I hung up on him. So is that a ba is that baby a little boy or a little girl? It's a little girl. Okay, so he has two little girls. I'm still fucking pissed about that. He let her steal my baby name. He's got three girls. No, two. We're getting there. We're getting there. At this point, it's two hold on four kids. Yes. The first one was a boy. The little girl. Little girl. Lakin. Lakin. So how many kids has he had since Lakin? Can I tell you guys something? What? Bobber Bane, Up Ben and Ron Os. When I found out after what he did to me after Lakin, that he had another baby. Made you crazy. Do you know how like pissed I was? This man can go knock up another girl, but looked me in the freaking face and said, So you can't have any kids with another man. But he can go continue to have kids. So he has a baby girl now. She's like four weeks old or three months old. I don't know. Now? I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. So he just had another baby. So this man has five kids. Does he have custody or see any of them? No. Besides the one he just had. As of right now, he sees it. Yeah. Yeah. But he's married. Oh, he's married. I think. I don't know. We're s me and Trey, see, are kinda iffy on that. We don't know what's real and what's fake. And his brother doesn't know if they're really married or not. We all don't know. Bro. Just what his Facebook or her Facebook says. Five kids and only taking care of one, essentially. And that just is not man, I'm telling you.

SPEAKER_03 49:35

So I will say this as we get ready to start closing out that if you were in a relationship like this, if you were with a narcissist that has self-isolated you, that has financially abused you, abused you, financially withheld money from you, if he has made you feel less than or taken something from you that you just really value and hold on to, please, please reach out to somebody and get some help.

SPEAKER_02 50:08

And leave. Can I say what I was gonna say as somebody? Just because he doesn't put hands on you does not mean it's not abuse. There's all sorts of I did not know that until after and I started watching people's videos. Emotional abuse, psychology, psychological abuse, sexual abuse, sexual abuse, financial abuse. It's all abuse. Abuse from a narcissist. From a narcissist, and it is they take make you lose your job. There's another person that this just recently happened to that we know. High school counselor. I mean and and narcissists can be so diswarming. They love bomb you. Oh yeah, they love bomb you. But they say they love bombing within the first three weeks. Don't believe it. No, though. You should not. Yeah. It has to be six months in before I'm believing. You love me.

SPEAKER_03 51:23

I would say a lot longer. I mean, I feel like you don't truly know somebody or you know, like things like that. Like you really gotta give it time. I think people nowadays rush love.

SPEAKER_02 51:33

I think okay. Because I think it's just a can I just say what's we can't say that because the one that we've been talking to lately about things, about relationships. The other one, your other child. Yeah. And she is a firm believer in when you know, you know. I I agree. And I and I agree, but you have to pay attention to those signs. You do. You have to pay attention to the red flags. I truly believe that one though. That yeah, I agree. And I feel like when you meet your soulmate, you are truly gonna know you're your soulmate. There's gonna be no question in your mind. But what if it's in other people's circumstances? Yeah. What if it's I believed it was my soulmate. That's what I'm meaning. What if they're in sheep's clothing? Yeah, no. So you gotta really, and that's what I was saying. Like, you really gotta pay attention to those red flags. If there's any certain little doubt in your mind, don't be blinded by those red flags, like the what no, there's a word, um, the charm. Yes. Don't don't be deceived by the charm.

SPEAKER_03 52:33

And the lust at first, you know, because are are you really in love, or is it just like lusting after somebody?

SPEAKER_02 52:39

So, anyways, we are gonna get ready to close this out. It is always a really good time hanging out with you guys. And always we're gonna post the links for domestic violence, abuse hotlines, you know, all the things that if you need help, they're out there for you. Or you can reach out to us. You can always reach out to us, you know, unfilteredtrouble.com, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, you know, we've got all our socials always linked for you guys. But just remember you're loved, you're worthy. And we are always here for you if you need us. And if you have a story you want to share, just remember you can always tell us. And if you don't want to share it, we will share it for you. And we love you guys bunches. Yep. We love you. So that's it for tonight, and we will see you guys back at it next time. All right. Bye. Bye, bye.