First Dates

On a first date, most people are looking to discover if there is enough chemistry and foundational compatibility to warrant a second meeting. Rather than an interrogation, this discovery often happens through light conversation that reveals deeper traits.

• Vibe and Chemistry: You are looking for that "je ne sais quoi"—the effortlessness of interaction and whether the conversation flows naturally.
• Character and Values: Observing how they treat others (like waitstaff) provides immediate insight into their kindness and respect.
• Emotional Availability: You want to see if they are genuinely interested in you by asking follow-up questions, or if they only talk about themselves.
• Lifestyle Alignment: Discovering how they spend their free time helps determine if your daily rhythms—like being an early bird vs. a night owl—might eventually clash.

#realtalk #sipandconverse #positivemindset #personalgrowth

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Let's tip and come first.

SPEAKER_01 0:05

Let's talk about sip and converse.

SPEAKER_02 0:15

Welcome back, welcome back. What's good? What's good? Welcome to another episode of Sippin' Converse with my partner in Crown, my homeboy, Mr. DJ Bridges. What's going on, DJ? Hey Crib. Hey, I'm happy to be here. But before we get started, make sure you like. Uh-oh. Share. Subscribe. Subscribe. Tell a friend to tell a friend to tell somebody. On social media, on YouTube.

SPEAKER_03 0:40

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 0:41

In Buzz Sprout. Please. Just anybody, anybody, anybody. Tap in. Get your pen and pad ready. Get ready to laugh. Get ready to cry. Uh-huh. Get ready to have some impactful things going on. Impactful. So what's been going on, DJ? We now in a nice part of the season. So what's been going on, my brother? Hey, man.

SPEAKER_03 1:02

Just been um just been enjoying life, man. I know you and I don't wait till we sip and converse on the set. Right. But uh just being able to be able to just grow as brothers along with you in life, man. Just enjoying the things to be able to accomplish, watching um my goddaughter, your daughter, grow. She almost to my shoulders.

SPEAKER_02 1:23

She got some some miracle growth going on. Getting taller and taller. I was thinking about something too, Crib. I know you like to run.

SPEAKER_03 1:33

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 1:33

So the other day I was at this other location. And then you know how you throw it in navigation and tell you how far you gotta go?

SPEAKER_01 1:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:39

And it was like 20 miles. And then I thought about them the marathons, y'all be right out.

SPEAKER_01 1:44

Uh-uh.

SPEAKER_02 1:44

Who in their right mind wanna run this far? Who wanna do it?

SPEAKER_03 1:50

Especially in guilty.

SPEAKER_02 1:52

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So let me ask you this. Uh-huh. As we migrate and fold into our topic for the day, uh-huh. How far did you run on your first date?

SPEAKER_03 2:06

Ooh. Man, well, you know, I'm from the country, country part of North Carolina, so it wasn't no running to no first date. I had to ask my daddy, can I get his car? Wasn't no running. Could I borrow the car? Can I borrow the car?

SPEAKER_02 2:24

What was the response? For our viewers out there. I know we got a viewer in age range, some of us in our age range. You enjoying this part of it. Some of these folks that's not in our age range, like, borrow a car.

SPEAKER_03 2:36

Yeah. Borrow a car. And for those um who grew up in the city who have, you know, you know, access to transportation, where I'm originally from, we didn't have access to transportation. So you had to either ask your parents, grandparents, uncle, aunt, hey, can I borrow the car? And with that, you had to earn the right to borrow the car. So either you had to be doing some household chores or washing their vehicle in order the baby to go on that first date.

SPEAKER_02 3:07

Yeah, first dates, first dates. So, Girl, what's our topic for today?

SPEAKER_03 3:11

First dates. First dates. Something that you're gonna have to face soon in a few years. Not for yourself, but it is it's really gonna be for yourself. Because baby girl gonna be. You know how I'm coming to the door?

SPEAKER_02 3:25

Y'all remember the episode of Bad Boy when Martin and Will at the house and that young man come knock on the door. Chitty chitty bang bang.

SPEAKER_00 3:36

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:38

Don't need to talk about first dates, brother. I'm gonna cry. Ain't even gonna lie to you, dog. You're gonna cry? I'm gonna cry in the car.

SPEAKER_03 3:44

Well, you know what? Um, um, baby girl, first date, I'm gonna come over to your house and we can you know react that episode, Mark and we're gonna react that episode.

SPEAKER_02 3:53

First date gonna take place in the living room, and I'm gonna come sit right in between them.

SPEAKER_03 3:58

Uh uh.

SPEAKER_02 3:59

How this globe sitting in between us? It's gonna be me, her, and him.

SPEAKER_03 4:04

No, it ain't. And we're gonna watch the same movie together. It's gonna be you, me, and they're her and him. Put them in the middle. Put them on the outside of you and I.

SPEAKER_02 4:16

Oh, so extra space between the two. Yes, yes, yes. Well, let's dive on into this conversation. First dates, first dates.

SPEAKER_03 4:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:27

Audience, get in the chat. What what does it look like dating in 2026? I've been off the market a long time.

SPEAKER_03 4:35

Long time.

SPEAKER_02 4:37

14, 15 years, I've been off the market, married, plus another two years with the date. Yeah, I've been I've been out of the game for 16, 17 years almost.

SPEAKER_03 4:45

Yeah, but you know, we still have our ears to the streets. Yeah. So what is dating in 2026? Man, um, from what I've been seeing, I'm and not just no particular gender, um, both genders, man. I from what I'm seeing and hearing, no one's really setting any realistic goals. Everybody's really expecting a whole lot right up from the start. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. They they expect a whole lot right from the start. And I and I don't get it. And I and the reason why I'm saying, just reflecting back from to my first date, is that I know I was still in high school, but you know, first date, you were just excited just to hang out together. It wasn't trying to go to no five-star restaurant, pay to get some hair and nails done, or, you know, none of that stuff. Just to be able to hang out together. But in this day and age, I mean I see young people expecting for to get all those things on the first date. Well, I don't, I don't know where that has transitioned to what it is today. You don't know. Social media.

SPEAKER_02 5:54

Because you know, it it the question goes back, like what is dating in 2026? And I'll add to a caveat with a, if you want to put an undertitle of that, you know, financially and physically. Yeah. You know, if you're trying, I think if you're trying, and I'm gonna speak directly to men, but if you're trying to impress, you already starting off on the on the wrong foot. Exactly. Because I remember, like you stated, I was just happy in the dating Pinot Cave. Middle school, high school. Oh, well, let's put some caveats around it. Middle school, I was just happy to be outside walking, walking beside you down the sidewalk.

SPEAKER_03 6:32

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 6:33

There was the note, do you like me yes or no? Fold it up real nicely and put it in the locker and hope you get a return letter, a return note. Then as you got in the uh high school, the day scene was I got a girlfriend on Monday and got a girlfriend on Wednesday. Oh. In the same week.

SPEAKER_03 6:51

Play of play.

SPEAKER_02 6:52

And then you back with the first girlfriend on the phone, you know, it nothing was serious.

SPEAKER_03 6:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:57

But like you said, you you watch social media, you see social media, you see society. You I like to, my wife and I, when we go out, we like to people watch.

SPEAKER_03 7:06

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 7:07

So I love to watch and try to figure out who who's on first dates.

SPEAKER_03 7:12

Yeah. Because you see the posture, you see the posturing. Okay, because I was about to ask, how can you tell someone on their first date? But you have just explained that.

SPEAKER_02 7:20

Oh, yeah, it's it's it's the posture. When you're comfortable with somebody and got a good vibe, you can tell that they enjoying each other's company.

SPEAKER_03 7:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:28

When you could tell like it's maybe a first date or they're trying to get to know each other, it's kind of some awkwardness there in their in their in their interactions.

SPEAKER_03 7:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:39

Um men, I'm gonna tell one of your secrets, all this ribbon of the chin, you know, doing the bird man hands, that's first date, that's first date activity.

SPEAKER_03 7:51

You're trying to impress. And you shouldn't be. I'm glad you brought that up. Um, me myself, I've always been authentic and always been myself, regardless of being the first date, second, third date, or married. I've never tried to be something I wasn't. And I've and I watched, as you say, watch people watch, and you see people try to impress, go overboard both genders, and um doing all these extra things and make the first date seem like it's you've been together for two or three years already where it shouldn't be. It should be that should be a space where it's really should be a time where you get to know each other. Conversations. Yes. Develop the developing relationships at that point, developing a relationship, not relationships. This is the time you really should be getting to know in each other.

SPEAKER_02 8:43

And it is, like you said, most most guys and and women too, they get into this role, you might as well get an Oscar Award-winning performance. Because you oh boy, this is funny. It's funny, but not funny. Okay, but it's kind of sad to see it as well. You we take this mentality that I gotta be a created character, yeah. Instead of being consistent.

SPEAKER_03 9:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:17

And I think most women want a man that's gonna be consistent. You don't have to be the best looking man, just be the least distracted man on that date. Because these devices in our hands, I've said I've been at dinner with my wife, and we looking across, people watching, and you see a couple that's on a date, but neither one of them are talking to each other, but both of them got their phones.

SPEAKER_03 9:40

We talked about it on the previous episode about the addiction and the addiction to social media. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:46

And that's part of it because now, or you see them at the dinner table, you on a I'm on a date hypothetically with a young lady, and we both over there doing this. Selfies. You can't even enjoy the moment because you're trying to capture the moment with a camera.

SPEAKER_03 10:01

Yeah. When you actually should, and I still do this today when I go out on dates with my wife, is that um um I already have some topics that I want to discuss with her, and I save those topics to when we on a dinner date, so we have something to interact with each other. And and like you just pointed out, I'm not on my phone. I'm not on my phone with her.

SPEAKER_02 10:25

So, DJ, doing during your first date time, was it was the topics who who dating who in the in in the celebrity world or the what what are some good topics? Let's bet that's a better question to put it. What are, in your opinion, everybody got their own opinion, everybody wants to move how they want to move. Yeah you're welcome to move how you want to move. But what would be some good topics in your opinion if you had a son or a daughter and leading them up to their daddy? I'm about to go on my first date. What should I do? Because you know that level of nervousness is that. What should we talk about?

SPEAKER_03 11:01

Well, well, uh, in my opinion, I uh I think on the first date, you should be getting to know more about the person's personal interest and their backgrounds. That's important.

SPEAKER_02 11:12

So, first date, should I be asking you what your credit score is?

SPEAKER_03 11:18

Nah. No. That shouldn't come to play until, as you and I both know, to the courting season. That means you about ready to go up. You done said a word that some of the listeners ain't following. Oh, okay. You gonna have to you have to break down that courting stage.

SPEAKER_02 11:37

Courting stage means that's that's grandma grandpa language.

SPEAKER_03 11:41

When you get to the courting stage, that means you you're seriously ready to be completely um um plutonic. Not platonic. Um play a lyrics. Dedicate to this person only. That means that you really, there's no one else, nobody else. There's no one else. I'm totally into this person only. Uh, and it means that it's possible that you're gonna, you know, walk down the aisle together or in front of somebody together.

SPEAKER_02 12:11

So you got courting and you got dating. Yes. If you're dating, what's the rule of thumb with dating? How many people can I date if I'm dating?

SPEAKER_03 12:22

That's a that's one of those questions you should have asked at the first dating on the first date.

SPEAKER_02 12:27

So with the individual, am I serious? Are we, are we, what are we doing? So basically going in into this date with an actual plan. Exactly. Not that it's scripted, but you got a destination because that's what when I was on the dating scene, that was one thing that I always laid out front. You know, either, hey, I'm hungry, I don't want to eat by myself, you want to go out to eat with me.

SPEAKER_00 12:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:55

Or it was like, hey, what you doing? Let's let's let's go hang out. I want to get to know you. Exactly. So to me, dating is because I'm gonna play off the words you were saying to court and dating. To me, dating is I'm trying to figure out who's who. Yes. And it may be more than one person that I'm dating, but as a man, I was letting them know you're not the only one that I'm hanging out with.

SPEAKER_03 13:22

And that and that person, both of them should be honest with that.

SPEAKER_02 13:26

Because when I was when I was with my uh meeting my wife, who ended up being my wife, when we first started dating, I had a couple of other people I was trying to figure out who's who.

SPEAKER_03 13:36

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 13:37

I had an interest in not just my wife.

SPEAKER_03 13:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:40

But when I went out with my wife, it was like I forgot about them other people I was quote unquote, I thought I had an interest in. Gotcha. Because of what? Conversations. So then it was like snip snip. I'm focusing on this one because we went from the dating to the courting word.

SPEAKER_03 14:01

And but you just said a powerful word right there that most people fail to develop on a date. It's conversations. People don't know how to hold a good conversation. And if someone does within the two people do know how to have a good conversation, people don't know how to listen as someone is talking about, talking to them while on a date, because the other person most of the time is waiting to get start talking about themselves versus listening to what the other person is sharing.

SPEAKER_02 14:35

And you know, I learned in coaching, everyone loves to talk about themselves. So if I'm on a date, I'm gonna ask questions for you to tell me about yourself. There you go. But like going back to me and my wife, before we ever went on a first physical date, we had several conversations, not because we couldn't get our schedules together. I was working nights, she was working in the day. So our work schedule wouldn't allow us to be at a date right away. So when we finally got together and went on our first dinner, it was like we had been hanging out with each other because of full-fledged conversations. There you go. We weren't doing a lot of text messaging in broken English or just sending text where I could be texting you, you, you, and you at the same time and get your conversations mixed up. But it was our conversations is what made us want to get together to meet up meet up with each other. Yes. So going back to that conversations, asking questions, what are some good places for first dates?

SPEAKER_03 15:42

This is something I I encourage. Um not really encourage women, but for the sake of um transparency, I really encourage both genders, men and women, to meet in public places. Um fellas gonna dislike you, man. Well, it won't be the first time. Um, not only just meet in public places, but I also encourage both of them, if this is gonna be the first day, a person that you've never been around, that you have not grown up with, that you just this is totally stranger. I encourage both parties to rock to arrive or meet up um in a public place in separate vehicles. Separate vehicles, yeah. Separate vehicles, or do a group thing. So no, so no first date Netflix and chill. Nope. So if uh unless someone that you really worked with before, uh like I said, grew up with or might be a social worker, uh, I'm not social work, a co-worker or something. Might need social workers depending on how things go. But if someone that you really don't know, like a lot of people meet someone online doing the doing the dating, uh, um, what you call it? The dating phase. Um, a dating app. Dating apps, gotcha. Yeah, somebody you really don't know, meet in public places. And um that way, because if the date is, if the date, um, if the date is going wrong, then you can leave by yourself in your vehicle or Uber or Lyft and not have to be in the vehicle with somebody that that uh the date has gone wrong and it's gonna be awkward going home.

SPEAKER_02 17:21

Right. And I remember my pops used to tell my sisters, and I told them too, don't date somebody. Don't go out on no date if you don't got your own money.

SPEAKER_03 17:29

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_02 17:31

Because these these new age folk will go out and run a tab of them, then they'll dip out on a tab and leave you there, or going back to dating with a purpose or having a destination. Meaning, are we dating for fun? Is this a uh Dutch day, old school, another word? Are we going 50-50 on this date? Yes. Is it are you expecting me to do 100% of the date? All that need to be clarified so you don't have no awkward moments in when the bill comes. And speaking of that, bill comes. What are your thoughts on who should pay for the date? First date. Uh, because we're old school, so I know what our answer is gonna be. First date, 2026.

SPEAKER_03 18:18

Well, I was about to throw a question your way, but no, no, no, no. I'm gonna answer your question because my my leeway was gonna be the expectations on the first date. Okay, so we we in the same ball, boy. Yes. And so who pays for the um who pays for the bill if you're going out to dinner? And so that's something that if you're planning a date, I think having conversations, multiple conversations like you and Shantae had before y'all went on your first date, those things I think should be covered, having conversation before you meet for a first date. Is okay, we're gonna go out on this date, and if I don't offer as a man to pay for dinner, then the other person should be having in mind, okay, DJ didn't offer to pay for this dinner, so I should be expected to pay for my whatever I order. I shouldn't assume that he's gonna take care of my meal.

SPEAKER_02 19:12

I know you had a question for me, but you should a young lady automatically be prepared to cover her own expenses just in case you got a joker that don't do it.

SPEAKER_03 19:28

Yeah, I just said that. Yeah. Because you because you can't you sh you shouldn't assume that off the bat because if you didn't have that conversation before.

SPEAKER_02 19:38

Because y'all still getting the first day, you're still getting to know each other.

SPEAKER_03 19:40

That's what I'm saying. Too many people assume because I'm the man, I should pay for the the meal. And if someone listened to this, they're probably not gonna agree with me, but I'm just I'm just being honest with you. You shouldn't assume that because you can't take things for granted with people, because you don't know my background. Right. I could be trifling and expanding the mooch off you.

SPEAKER_02 19:59

Or I might be the eating dash type dude. Yeah. And in today's society, too, I hear a lot of the younger guys, a lot of younger folks say, who they live by the rule of thumb, whoever initiates the date should be the one to pay it. So if the young lady say, hey, I want to go and grab something to eat, some of the young guys will be like, you ask me out, so you pay. And some of the women say, You ask me out, you should pay.

SPEAKER_03 20:31

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 20:31

But I think it, like you said, it comes from having legitimate conversations and and not looking, you know, not being wishy-washy. Yeah, not being trying to be trifling.

SPEAKER_03 20:47

Yes. But for my for my for my character, if we're gonna go out on a on the first date, yeah, I'm gonna take up, I'm gonna take care of the bill. That's part of my character. But that's me, too. But I want listeners to know that everybody's not like DJ or Alaric because these things are actually happening. And so my thing is also is understand the expectations because sometimes, not sometimes, a lot of people also expect on the first date um there might be some physical contacting. It might gonna be they're looking for their return on their investment. Or I'm gonna get a kiss or whatever at the end of the day. That that you shouldn't expect that. And I don't think that should happen now, the way things are going now in today's time. I don't think you should really expect that the first time on the first date, either way.

SPEAKER_02 21:40

Well, a lot of those assumptions have been uh reinforced or portrayed for what you see in movies and social media that first dates and you hear people say it. Oh, hey, fair date. I'm buying from food.

SPEAKER_03 22:02

What I get. Yeah. And you're right. I don't know why people post their business on social media, but I done heard people on social media say I done spent from men done say I done spent X amount of money. I saw one the other day. And you should know. He said, nah, he was several men done said, and you should know what you should have been. Um I flewed you out. I flew you out. I done spent money. I done did all this. You ate well, you drank well, so you should know what's gonna happen next. And I'm like, no.

SPEAKER_02 22:33

Mm-hmm. If y'all didn't talk about that, but at the same time, you didn't talk about that too. And then sometimes in today's society, some folks are dating for the free meal. Some folks are leading on for the free trip. But if you gotta bust the piggy bang out on the first date, you might be volunteering for a high interest loan that you can't keep up with for the rest of the relationship. Because most people are gonna expect you how you what you did to get me, yeah, is what is I also expect to you to maintain me. Not like maintenance, but if we met and our our thing was long walks, and that's what got us attracted to each other, now that we dating and we're past the date and we're courting, don't cut off my long walks. Exactly. Don't do what attracted you together. So if I came at you back in the day with a pocket full of money and I'm trying to big boy flex, and we eat at how all the high-end places and you getting flued out, now we're together, you're gonna expect the same style, the lifestyle. Yeah. But that goes back to people, you know, basically portraying and faking on the lights. So you know, just be honest.

SPEAKER_03 24:00

I said that earlier. Be authentic, be yourself. And the important thing is you need to make sure that you sit and converse before you have that first date.

SPEAKER_02 24:10

Well, well, because you're going back to first date now, let's let's let's throw out throw out some ideas for the folks that's looking to go on their first date. I got one for be in college. I had a homeboy who was ahead of the game. He was the head of the game.

SPEAKER_01 24:27

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 24:27

So his punchline for today was like, you want to go for some ice cream?

SPEAKER_03 24:32

You know, he was doing this in college. And that's what we was doing. That's what we were doing back in my day, we was doing it.

SPEAKER_02 24:40

Yeah, when you were when you were younger. Yeah. Well, we chose ice cream then because that was all we could afford. You should do it today. You should do it today. But no, if if for grown folks is looking to go on a first date, instead of doing a dinner, do a breakfast. No, not her cooking you breakfast.

SPEAKER_03 25:00

We're talking about first date. I want my A's grandma hog with some cheese on it, please.

SPEAKER_02 25:05

Y'all, separate cars, like DJ was suggesting. Meet up at a breakfast spot. Yeah. Because it's it's more genuine. The energy is better.

SPEAKER_03 25:16

A lot of daylight.

SPEAKER_02 25:17

A lot of daylight. Hopefully, neither one of y'all are on demon time, as if folks say at eight o'clock in the morning. But do something different, you know, get out of the same routine, the movies, which most folks don't do no more.

SPEAKER_01 25:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:34

But, you know, the the hookah spots, places with live music where you can't, you can sip, but it's hard to converse.

SPEAKER_01 25:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:42

Because the music's too loud.

SPEAKER_01 25:44

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 25:44

What's one you think about, DJ? If you had to press the reset button and go on your first date again, or recommendations, what would it be?

SPEAKER_03 25:52

Well, you brought up a good one just a few minutes ago. Um been doing something active, like walking or and and you know, walking that's out in the public. Um depends on where you live at, um, in the United States or in the world. Just doing an activity that's within a public area where it's not too crowded. And like you said, when you're able to hear uh over music or loud crowd, just to be in an active place that doesn't require to uh dip in a, you know, spend a huge budget, but still be able to enjoy each other.

SPEAKER_02 26:31

Yep. And my last suggestion: as you go on your first date, pull out your mobile device, sit beside each other, and tune into Sip and Convert Podcast. Yes. Because that's a great way for y'all to sit there beside each other, up close, looking at the phone as you listen to our podcast and then have a conversation about it. So that rolls right in. You know what I mean, Crib? Yes. So with that, don't forget to like, share, subscribe, subscribe. Tell a friend, tell a friend to tune in on their first date watching Sip and Converse. Yes. Until then, next time, peace out. Enjoy it.

SPEAKER_00 27:09

Let's tip and converse.

SPEAKER_01 27:11

Let's talk about the first.