The Ripple Effect - Life Based on Emotional Decisions

Emotional decisions are choices driven by feelings, desires, or temporary moods rather than objective, analytical thinking. While emotions provide valuable data about what aligns with your core values, acting on highly intense or reactive feelings often leads to short-term comforts that compromise long-term goals.

• Check Your Emotional State
• Enlist the Rational Mind
• The "Delay" Tactic
• Consult Your Values

#realtalk #sipandconverse #positivemindset #personalgrowth

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Let's tip and converse.

SPEAKER_01 0:05

Let's talk about sip and converse.

SPEAKER_03 0:16

What's up, good people, good people? Welcome back to another episode of Slip and Converse. Yes, yes. Glad to be back. Before we get down in there, you know what you gotta do. You got to do it. You gotta like it. You gotta subscribe, please. Tell a friend to tell a friend. Tell somebody. And then in the bottom of it, you know, YouTube has done this thing called hype. Go ahead and hype us up. Hype us up as we get ready to dive off into our next episode. Crib, what's been going on, my brother?

SPEAKER_04 0:45

Hey man, it's a bit it's about to be uh summertime here soon, ain't it?

SPEAKER_03 0:48

Man, I thought it was summertime a couple of weeks ago. How hot it was in Atlanta. I was like, bruh, they just bypass spring go from winter to winter to summer.

SPEAKER_04 0:58

Just test and see if y'all are ready for this heat coming up in January.

SPEAKER_03 1:01

Make sure your air condition is working. Making sure your air condition is working. What's been going on, Crib?

SPEAKER_04 1:07

Hey man, I'm looking forward to this. Uh we're coming up on a year here. Yeah, brothers flying. Time is flying. Yeah, we got to find us a location to celebrate this first year and tape live.

SPEAKER_03 1:18

Yes, yes. So if y'all got some suggestions, put it in the chat. Yeah. What you want to see us do a live episode? Because that might be a great idea, Crib. Do a live episode, live podcast with a live audience. Yes. And have some clapping in the background. And have you in the chair. Have you in the chair bring up round robin for questions and answers? And you know, ain't no professional, but I did sleep at the holiday in Express. That used to be my favorite commercial. Yeah. So what's our topic for today, Crib? What's getting the people started?

SPEAKER_04 1:52

This title, the Ripper Effect, with a subtopic.

SPEAKER_03 1:56

What's that subtopic? Sip and reverse. It can be. So you said what's our title?

SPEAKER_04 2:04

The ripple effect and what's the subtitle? Living life based on emotional decisions.

SPEAKER_03 2:09

Emotions make you cry sometime. Uh-oh. How many of y'all remember that? What group did that come from for a bonus question? Sound like we need to get you in the studio. Oh no, bro. Well, well, you know what? With the use of AI and this technology, I will go in the studio. We got you in the studio right now. Just don't have me the same live. I need all the filters, all the auto tubes. I need to run my voice through AI so it'll sound like I'm Luther. Or Teddy P.

SPEAKER_04 2:41

Well, no boy, you took me back on Teddy P.

SPEAKER_03 2:43

Yeah, I gotta be Teddy P, man. Turn off the lights, turn them off. He got mad. He got mad. He's first he asked you nicely, turn off the lights. And then you didn't move fast enough. Turn them off. Turn them off. I think you might be from North Carolina with that one. Could be. But a ripple effect when we're talking about emotions. But remember the remember the bonus question. What group had a song about emotions? They said emotions make you cry sometime. Ain't gonna give you no hint. But the name has town in it. I ain't gonna tell you the first letter. Might be H Town. Go ahead, Chris. Let's let's go on and dive on to this man.

SPEAKER_04 3:28

You know, um, this is very key for everyone when it comes to your emotions. Um especially when you when you're conversing with other people. Like on right now, it's um you take that sip and we're about to converse. A lot of times people let the emotions take over before they even speak, and that causes a ripple effect. Pull it all together, preacher.

SPEAKER_03 4:05

Um, the relationship. And those same emotions is as I'm at like the deacon in the corner over there. Uh-oh. Those same emotions.

SPEAKER_04 4:15

You're not talking about Deacon Leroy, are you?

SPEAKER_03 4:17

Deacon Leroy.

SPEAKER_04 4:18

Deacon Leroy, he always there.

SPEAKER_03 4:20

He always there. Tuning to a previous episode learning about Deacon Leroy. But Deacon Leroy is sitting over there, he's saying that, you know, emotional decisions can cost you years. Uh-oh. Years. Not just, you know, that moment, yeah, but years of pain, agony, setback. Um depending on what you were emotional about or how you handled that emotion, whether it's good or bad, but it can cost you years of anguish.

SPEAKER_04 4:53

And I don't know um if it applies to anybody who's listening or watching us right now. Those are the same type of emotions can cost you your job.

SPEAKER_03 5:05

True. Because you gotta think about it. Oh, oh, we own something. We own something. We telekinesic, we telekinesic. Those that job, thinking about that job, yeah, thinking about your emotions. Nine times out of ten, that emotion is a short-term feeling.

SPEAKER_04 5:22

Yes, it is.

SPEAKER_03 5:23

It has long-term consequences, yes. So just because you got mad at your manager and snapped right then on the spot that was a short-term emotion, and now you're in the HR department or at home early.

SPEAKER_04 5:40

Early. Impermanently. Because you know, our people, you know, the uh you know how our people try to say, I'm just keeping it real.

SPEAKER_03 5:47

Yep. And yeah, you're real wrong and real life, real unemployed at the time. That's that's how real you are.

SPEAKER_04 5:54

I'm just keeping it real.

SPEAKER_03 5:56

You got fired on your day off, Crib, stealing boxes.

SPEAKER_04 5:59

That's what happened when keeping it real goes wrong.

SPEAKER_03 6:02

Because you know, most folks don't ruin their life in like one big moment. No, that big moment to me was sticking with the job situation when you snap and you get fired, unfortunately, or something happens emotionally. That one moment that caused you to explode didn't just pop up then. No, it's been an undercurrent that's been brewing the whole time.

SPEAKER_04 6:27

Talk about it.

SPEAKER_03 6:29

I think I will. Right after have me a little sip.

SPEAKER_04 6:32

Go ahead and sip, brother.

SPEAKER_03 6:34

That under the undercurrent been brewing there. You've probably had pre-warning indicators that it was there. It's like driving a car.

SPEAKER_04 6:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:45

You hear a little rattle, but you don't mess with it. You you ignore it. Yeah, you're in the Atlanta streets. Next thing you know, the rattle becomes louder.

SPEAKER_04 6:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:54

Now that it's louder, you're looking at it again and the light comes on. Service needed. But you look at it again and you're ignoring the service needed sign, before you know it, you stuck on the side of the road calling AAA. But you blaming that day. Oh, it's so hot I hear my car broke down. No, your car was giving you warnings six months ago. Ooh. So those emotions that you allowed to explode right then in that particular conversation, those those emotions have been there. It's just not coming to the surface.

SPEAKER_04 7:27

So what if I'm understanding you correctly, you said there were some indicators between you and the other person or others before your warning light came on. Right. And you and you just went off with your emotions.

SPEAKER_03 7:43

You went off with your emotions, you chose to ignore the morning lights. Because, like I said, folks don't ruin their life with one moment. It's it's an emotional decision that's been made how you previously handled everything. Because typically what you've gone through, you've been through before.

SPEAKER_04 8:04

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 8:05

Some version of it.

SPEAKER_04 8:06

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 8:07

It might not be the same exact version, but it's a version of it. And now that you're at this breaking point or this explosion point, it didn't just happen suddenly.

SPEAKER_04 8:19

Yes. And um, for those who don't know, I know you uh you've been a certified coach. Some of the things you don't share with some of your clients is with your emotions, doesn't always require you to respond or react right away. You you can take a day or two sometimes and reflect on whatever you're interacting with with the other person and give you time enough to um give thought on what's going on and be able to come back and have that uh address whatever's going on with the other person at a different time.

SPEAKER_03 8:56

Right, because like you like you stated, quitting the job, emotional response.

SPEAKER_04 9:00

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 9:01

Sending that text message that once it's sent, Apple try to help you all out because he said you can delete a message, but most people can't. Nope. But once that message is gone, you can't take that message back. And you know your message might have been an emotional response. Spending money emotionally, same thing. But like you said, Crib, when you begin to become in tune with yourself, you can begin to set boundaries to say, and be man or woman enough to say, you know what, can we come back to this topic? Because if I say something now where I'm at mentally, I can't take it back. So can you respect me enough and respect my boundary that can I come back and talk to you about this tomorrow?

SPEAKER_04 9:51

That's key right there. When you just mentioned, can I come back? Because many times the other person will pressure you.

SPEAKER_02 10:02

Oh, we got I need to answer now.

SPEAKER_04 10:04

Exactly. And you can't let that happen because you already know where you're at right now in your feelings. And if you say what you really want to say, and then they're gonna say, So what you can't answer me now? No, I can't. I'm not in. Why not?

unknown 10:16

Why not?

SPEAKER_04 10:17

You gotta say, I'm not mentally in a place right now where I need to speak about this anymore.

SPEAKER_03 10:21

Oh, so now I'm stressing you mentally.

SPEAKER_04 10:25

You know, they're gonna try to take you there, huh?

SPEAKER_03 10:27

They're gonna take you there. Because you know, as a man, what I had to learn being married for all the years I've been married now, is I can't respond emotionally. Because if not, when I do or when I have, I spend the next day or two apologizing. And it wasn't that I was disrespectful or anything, it's just I was snappy.

SPEAKER_04 10:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:49

So now what I think about, and I'll be like, oh, so it's okay for you to say something to me, but if I say the same thing now, I got to be the one apologizing. Now we laying in bed with our backs to each other, and I ain't that type of person.

SPEAKER_04 11:05

No. So how do you emotionally feel right now?

SPEAKER_03 11:09

I'm emotionally free.

SPEAKER_02 11:16

That sounds like the old 1990 RB song. I'm begging, I'm not gonna have to pull a Tyresa. What do you want? What more do you want with me?

SPEAKER_03 11:28

So no, I can't. I had to make sure that as a man, I had to learn to not react emotionally and set those boundaries up. Yeah, and I know some women may be listening to my see me and me emotional. Nah, but then when we don't show emotions, you get, well, you don't show no emotions. You cold-hearted. But it goes back to knowing yourself and setting boundaries and respecting the boundaries.

SPEAKER_04 11:53

Yeah. Because there's a great book. Uh, I know you've read this book already called uh name crucial conversations. Yep. You know, when when you have certain conversations and it's not going in a positive way, you got to table those conversations. You got to table them. Can't say that let me power through it. No, you got to table those conversations and come back at another time. And again, like I mentioned earlier, sometimes it might be three or four days for you to come back to those conversations because emotions are high.

SPEAKER_03 12:24

And when emotions are high and two people are trying to power through it, it's like two bulls in a china shop.

SPEAKER_04 12:30

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 12:30

And before you know it, if neither one of them is conscious of what they're going through with those emotions, you can destroy a whole household and say things, and people like to say things to win an argument, although they may not even mean it. Yeah, they just want to win. So now you're saying something that you can't take back.

SPEAKER_04 12:52

And this is this is uh something to add on to what you're just saying right there. When your emotions are high like that, and what I've noticed uh quite a few people do, they take that conversation to an outsource to get their input. And I'm not saying there's nothing wrong with that.

SPEAKER_03 13:15

Oh, they're trying to get somebody to join their team and say you're right, yes, and it shouldn't be.

SPEAKER_04 13:19

Right. It should be someone that that's not gonna um pick size, pick size, but also it should be someone that's gonna give sound advice.

SPEAKER_03 13:28

And I think that sound advice to whoever you're going to for the sound advice should focus on the what and not the who.

SPEAKER_04 13:37

Yes, exactly.

SPEAKER_03 13:39

Because when you begin to focus on the who, then your decisions are made based off the who. But if you're mad because of the what and you focus on the what, you can get a better resolution to the what.

SPEAKER_04 13:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:58

So as my listeners listen, I got a question for y'all. Put it in the chat. What's a moment and emotional reaction has cost you? Was it a business deal? Was it a friendship? Relationship? A purchase that set you back behind the eight ball that you thought was gonna be just a one-month purchase, but now eight months later, twelve months later, you still paying for that emotional decision that you made on your birthday evening where you had one too many tequilas and hopped behind the wheel, and you was emotionally up here, and the blue lights came on, and you were emotionally down here, and now that has cost you however long those situations may last.

SPEAKER_04 14:51

Yeah. Can I be transparent for a moment?

SPEAKER_02 14:55

Don't be transparent, brother.

SPEAKER_04 14:58

I have I have never never cursed my wife out over um 36 years of marriage. That's a round of applause right there. But thank you, but I I've done something, I think we've only been married maybe six or seven years, that I I I slipped up and called her the B-word one time. Oh, Lord, sweet baby Jesus. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:26

And you still here but at that particular time. Let me ask this creep before you go. Was she in the room with you or was it over the phone?

SPEAKER_04 15:35

No, it was in the room together. Sweet baby Jesus. But she pushed me, pushed my emotions to the point where I snapped and flipped. And when you said she pushed you, I thought, no, your wife, I thought she came with them L, them knees and bows. But but you know what? Within within 24 hours, I apologize. Because I never I always said I would never be that guy to cuss cuss my kids out. I never cuss cuss my daughter out, never. Right. And she's 34 years old. But I said I would not cuss my spouse out, except for that calling her a B that one time uh over 36 years. And I was like, then when I realized when I said that, I didn't feel right.

SPEAKER_03 16:21

Oh yeah, you can't feel right. You can't feel right at that point in time. But you know, this day and age, people use the B word and the N-word freely, like it's a hate and how I be hearing young ladies call each other the B words.

SPEAKER_04 16:35

Oh yeah, oh yeah, you hear that on television all the time.

SPEAKER_02 16:38

How you doing, B? I'm like, wait a minute.

SPEAKER_04 16:41

But yeah, man, what you mentioned earlier, they're gonna entice you until you till your emotion just take over at that particular time, but but we both uh um never pushed ourselves again or either. I you know, I removed myself.

SPEAKER_03 16:57

Got to that line.

SPEAKER_04 16:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:58

Because, you know, speaking of that, do you think men are taught to manage their emotions or suppress them?

SPEAKER_04 17:04

I don't think they're taught. I I just I just think they just automatically suppress them from I don't know, is it's part of uh um something as a nature, just in our nature to do that.

SPEAKER_03 17:21

And then that goes back to what we talked about earlier. It's been suppressed for so long that when it does finally come up, it didn't just come up right then. Yeah, it's been down there cooking in the slow cooker like crop hop in the sunny.

SPEAKER_04 17:35

Or like those uh ham hocks and them beans.

SPEAKER_03 17:41

Cooking all since Saturday night on low in the crowd. And then all of a sudden they say, you know, it it it bust through.

SPEAKER_04 17:52

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:53

But you know what thing is, the ripple effect of our emotional outbursts and whatnot don't only just affect you. When you think about the ripple effect, anybody here has ever thrown a rock or a pebble in the water and you watch the waves ripple out, that's where the ripple part comes in at. Even as individuals, when we make those decisions, it's always collateral damage to other people around us.

SPEAKER_04 18:18

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 18:19

Anybody that's in your circle, all of you like it, I'm making it, it's my life, I'm making this decision, but you don't realize the effect that it has on everybody else.

SPEAKER_04 18:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:29

Whether you go out here and get locked up, whether you get in a uh a bad relationship, whether you make a wrong financial decision, it's a ripple effect that affects everybody that's connected to you in your circle, although it may not be their business.

SPEAKER_04 18:45

And that's the part when most of us don't realize how your emotions affect everybody in your circle, that what you just pointed out.

SPEAKER_03 18:54

And people are now being more, I think folks in society, people are now paying more attention to it because you could tell when that one individual shows up and they all emotional, and I ain't talking about coming in crying, and but they just an emotional individual, how it changes the atmosphere of the room when they show up. Yeah, you're like, uh, I didn't think they were coming, but here they go. And now you got to be emotionally mature enough to be able to handle that situation to not explode, yeah, or cause a scene, or go to the default switch of I'm just gonna keep it real. And it and it blows up.

SPEAKER_04 19:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:35

So what do you do where emotions are high? Like you stated, you had your experience being transparent. With me, I've gotten to the point now if I can feel emotions or something, come on, I typically remove myself. And I'm not a big uh person that's into astrology signs, yeah. But uh I am Aries, my wife is an Aries, and we you know each other hot buttons, and sometimes we can tend to, as people, we can tend to go tiptoe around that hot button. Well, you don't you ain't trying to get burnt, but you know I can get by this close to get a reaction. But I've learned as growing growing and living, remove myself from a situation, like you stated, send that brown. Hey, I don't want to talk about this right now. Yep. And there's been times when I don't want to talk about this right now, or I've done it to other people. Oh, so you don't want to talk about it right now? Well, I don't want to talk about it when you're ready to talk about it.

SPEAKER_02 20:39

And that was in my immaturity stage. That's how I would try to win the argument. I just wanted to win.

SPEAKER_04 20:44

Nah, yeah. I've always been, I think, as far as I can remember, always one of not the one to um to to take on arguments or whatever. If if it was something that you had to win, I let you have it.

SPEAKER_03 20:59

I am not the argument of type.

SPEAKER_04 21:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:01

My my go-to default, all right, bro. You got it.

SPEAKER_04 21:04

Yep. Cool. Cool. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:10

Or Denzel. My man. You know, y'all watch Denzel movies where he smile at you and you nod his head and say, My man, you don't know if he agrees with you or if he's about to come and equalize you later on. But then my man.

SPEAKER_04 21:23

Yeah. Well, one of the things of notes that I jot down for this talk is as we wrap up here is um practice mindfulness. Notice um when things are, as you brought out earlier, notice when you're about to be triggered being around certain people or certain conversations. You know, remove yourself or distance yourself from that. Know thyself. Yeah, know thyself. And so you want you don't want to be around people to be the emotional. And personal uh all the time around people. Because you want to be around and enjoy your guests or your family, whoever you're with, and not be the one, like you mentioned, uh, nobody wants to be around you because you're gonna be emotional. When you notice that certain things or certain people or certain whatever the case may be is gonna trigger you emotionally, just step away from the conversation, go to another room or get 10 or 15 feet away and check your phone out or whatever the case may be and do that and not just be the emotional uh person around the group every time you come around.

SPEAKER_03 22:37

And I suggest adding this to your repertoire before you make any decision, ask yourself who will be affected by my next decision before you do anything. That's good. You want to go buy that car? If I buy this car, who's gonna be affected by my decision to buy this car? Yeah, you and your finances, but down the road who who's in that ripple current that can be affected? So I always ask yourself before you do anything, yeah, who's gonna be affected by my next decision? My next decision. And you may find yourself asking you that yourself that multiple times a day.

SPEAKER_04 23:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:17

So the next decision you need to make is make sure you like, share, subscribe. Tell a friend and tell a friend that your favorite podcast was on, and we was talking about the ripple effect of we need it, we need it emotional. So emotionally press that button to like our podcast. Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_04 23:36

Sign us on all social medias, get your get your merch, follow the cameras, Apple iPad, Apple iPhone iPad, yeah, Apple Podcast.

SPEAKER_03 23:46

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SPEAKER_04 23:55

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:55

So you can look at us in 55, 65, 75 inches of goodness. You know, we're some good looking brothers. You know, ladies, we off the market. But you can you can window shop and look at us. Yes. Don't tell your husband we told you. No, I'm just playing. But like, share, subscribe, tell a friend, tell a friend. Look forward to next time we're together and enjoy sip and converse.

SPEAKER_04 24:19

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 24:20

Crib, we out of here, brother.

SPEAKER_04 24:22

Peace.

SPEAKER_00 24:25

Let's sip and converse. Let's talk about sip and converse.