It's A Funny Beeseness
Stand up comedy and chat in front of a live audience, hosted by comedian Wayne Beese with a new guest for each episode.
It's A Funny Beeseness
Episode 2 | Scott Bennett | From Shed To Spotlight
A late start, a steady graft, and one perfectly timed camping bit—Scott Bennett’s road from product designer to Live at the Apollo and the Royal Variety isn’t a fairy tale, it’s a case study in how to climb the comedy ladder.
We sat down with Scott to trace the unglamourous stretch between first gong show and arena supports, and the lifesaving role of family when your calendar is more motorways than milestones. He talks candidly about quitting a “proper job,” the year of petrol-money gigs, and how Gemma’s patience and a garden shed turned lockdown panic into momentum.
From there, we get into the state of modern comedy: how some creators go viral before they’re ready for a mic, while other stand-up veterans and masters of the craft like Troy Hawke have been able to take full advantage of their viral success. Scott explains the day his “angry zips” bit exploded, the dopamine itch of refreshing likes, and the practical way he uses social media to sell tickets. He shares how the bright lights of the Apollo taught him composure, why Royal Variety finally felt joyful, and how a barrage of comments about his “neck lump” became an absurd tour story that fortunately ended with a clean bill of health.
We also dig into the use of phones in the audience at gigs, heckler culture, and how to curate a room that feels warm rather than combative. Scott prefers inclusive crowd work to “destroying” strangers and believes live comedy remains the best value night out: a human craft you can’t stream.
Some hilarious questions from the audience complete an episode which is both funny and a real look at how stand-up survives in a feed-driven world.
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You start having a normal chat like you're in the kitchen or something like you're so bored. So when's your mum coming round? Is it Wednesday, is it? What happens to that? What happens to that quiche in the fridge? You know the broccoli one behind the yacles. You did you did what? You threw it out? When did that go into being? Wednesday. You didn't have any of that. So it's gone then. A full quiche gone in there. That's unbelievable. I'm alright, it's just a lot to deal with, innit? It's a full quiche, mate. When we're finished here, we're gonna have a row about that. Just to let you know, I couldn't finish, I was too angry. I was too because the end's awful. You think you're gonna cuddle? You might have made a new life. It's not, she was on the phone ticking it off on the calendar. She said he was gonna have to do it again next week, Tuesday. Yeah?
SPEAKER_04:Leave yourself alone that day. Leave yourself alone. What a human leave yourself alone.
SPEAKER_05:She took the router to work in her handbag. I don't want to do it again. She made me hold her legs in there. Do you know how weird that is? When you finish, up we go. Just like emptying a wheelbarrow of wet gravel. Just coming out, just tipping. It's magical. What a magical fucking moment. It's so romantic. I can't get it back in. Get that Tesco Club card. It's like grouting, this isn't it's grout. Every little helps, every little I get in it.
SPEAKER_01:Hello and thanks for tuning in to our brand new comedy podcast. It's a funny business with me, your host Wayne Bees. So, how does it work? Well, we filmed two shows over the course of one day at the Amazing Fits of Laughter Comedy Club in Stourbridge in the West Midlands in front of two completely different studio audiences. We have a comedian on as a guest for each episode, and in the first section they perform an extended stand-up set. We have a break, and then in the second section, I join them on stage for a QA and a chat about their life. The audience gets the chance to ask questions as well, and then we edit it all into a great little package that you are watching or listening to today. So thank you for your support and enjoy. Cheers. So I I I always start these things, Scott, by um talking to the guest about where I first saw them or where we first met. And you won't remember this because we didn't talk on the time that I first saw you.
SPEAKER_05:That sounds so eggy already.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it does sound a bit weird, doesn't it? It was a it was it online? No, it wasn't online, no. It was online.
SPEAKER_05:I don't recognise you with your trousers on. I think it's a weird moment. So what happens, Wade's hand me in this sort of grooming thing for years, and that's no, it was at a pub in Cridley Heath.
SPEAKER_01:Was it? Oh, was it the Hollybush?
SPEAKER_05:Woo! Who was it? Look at that. If you've been to the Hollybush, look at you, they do lovely tapas.
SPEAKER_01:They don't. They don't absolutely don't.
SPEAKER_05:I got chlamydia, I was walking past. I all I did was walk past. Don't you do you know that towel in the toilets? I think that's where COVID started. It's uh did you know the hollybush? How do you know it? Umedian. Okay, ooh. Now back to me. This is my mom. This is about me, love. How arrogant is that? What's with these new comedians? I'm a new comedian. Alright, mate. I've done 15 years on the circuit, pal. I've missed birthdays, I've left the kids in the bath for this.
SPEAKER_01:So I I was a new comedian. I was a new comedian at the time of this first meeting. So I I um Scott was booked into the Hollywood. I was I think I've been going about six months at the time, right? And I brought 90% of the crowd on this occasion because it's it's it holds about 30, doesn't it? It's a really small room, and they're mainly acts normally that are watching, it's an open mic night. Scott went on second, and uh they're still looking for a new roof after he's set. Um absolutely destroyed it, and then fucked off to do another gig and left the rest of us to mop up. Um I died on my horse in front of my dad and all his mates. So thank you for that. I've been waiting to uh it's a pleasure, mate.
SPEAKER_05:Welcome to comedy. Remember that? Yeah, always shit on people below you. It's dog eat dog, mate. Once you're up the ladder, start soaring it. Like a do you know, like road runner cartoon? Just get that I give nothing me to anyone. I do, I'm very generous. But what year was that? 2020.
SPEAKER_01:2013, I think. 2013, wow. So long time ago. But but you you you came across that I kind of was sitting watching you thinking, bloody hell, this guy's on another level. You seem very natural, then you're obviously very natural now. Have you been good at stand-up right from the start? What was your first gig like?
SPEAKER_05:Um, I don't know, it's difficult, isn't it? I I remember the first gig was a gong show, and I don't know if you know what these are. Are you uh if uh basically you go on there and they give the audience uh the power to vote you off, which is never good because I mean you look at this room, you know nothing. I mean you'd just be going, I don't like his trousers, just weird decisions. So never give you give the audience the power so that you go on and you get a two-minute grace period, and then they hold up like a card or a glow stick and then you're gone. And the thing was it's brutal because I've seen it sometimes. People travel four or five hours and they go, Um, hi, I'm from uh London, gone. And they just I just think that's the most ridiculous thing. That's that you just come turn around, back you go. Um, so it was it was one of those, and I put my name down for it, and I remember going up there, and um it was the first ever one, and I and I got to the final and then I won it. It was ridiculous, really. I think a lot of it was nerves and stuff, but I think I've always watched so much comedy that I sounded like a comedian. Do you know the material was awful? I can't even remember what it was. I did some of it earlier. Uh and and but but the rhythms of it, I think if you watch enough comedy, you sound like you're doing well. Do you see what I mean?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, what why did you want to become a comedian and what job were you doing before you started stand-up?
SPEAKER_05:I don't think you ever want to. I think it's an illness, isn't it? I think it it finds you really. Um I was uh I'd always loved it and I'd really wanted to do it for ages, and then um I did I didn't start till I was 31, so I had like a proper job. Um I was a product designer. Uh yeah, no one knows what that is, but uh but yeah, basically that job's great. You know, you sort of it was a really I enjoyed the job, but it was a lot of pressure and a lot of scrutiny, and you know well paid people. Well paid, but you're getting judged relentlessly. Thank God I've left that world behind. Um and then I I just sort of I I wandered into it really. Um and yeah, before I knew it, I was, you know, driving to Dundee for 15 quid going, what's happened?
SPEAKER_01:You know, just give us a bit of an insight into that because I think people don't see that side of it when the comic first starts at this this lady where we're doing that now in terms of how you balance um a job, a family, stand-up comedy, and then how much you got paid in those early days.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, well, I think that the the reality is you can't the reality is it's unsellable as a as a thing. Um sorry to do this so early on. Uh she'll be like crying in a minute. That's it, I'm I'm quitting. Because you sort of you can't. I remember like you you you know, my wife would say, We're going to this wedding next year. I can't. I'm I'm in Glasgow. You know, yeah, you're cutting off your social, you're making you it's other people that uh that are sacrificing it to keep you going. So I think the difficulty is is it is a very difficult thing to sell to people. Um, and when I quit my job, you know, someone said to me, It's like, you know, it's courage, it you know, it takes courage, it takes bravery. It doesn't really, it just takes your wife to go back to work full time. It's the that's what the reality is for her to pay the mortgage while you twat about on your vanity project. Uh I think I think when you first start, I did a cut I did a year of open spots where you don't get paid, uh, and you sometimes get a bit of petrol money. And I genuinely think if if I'd have not progressed past that point, Gemma would have had a little moment where she sort of sits me down. She's very understanding, she's incredible, and she'd have gone, I think we need to end this. It's going nowhere. You know, and she'd she'd you know, so I think there's a point where it either happens or it doesn't, you know. I I mentioned Gemma, she's incredible, Gemma. We've been together, oh god, three mattresses. It's too long, isn't it? You know, 15 silent night years. You know, we have them nights in where we snuggle up on the sofa, each of us on our own phones, you know, browsing through Facebook to find the people we should have married. It's very we don't have casual sex anymore. Now it's planned. I like it. No, I like it. You know, you see an invite pop up in the Google calendar, you click attend, don't you? You just No, you do, you have to, otherwise someone else gets in.
SPEAKER_01:You know, I don't and uh when did you tell Gemma that you were taking?
SPEAKER_05:Did you did she know from the very first gig or did you um I think after that she was there on the first gig and it and I think it went well, which probably was the worst thing that could have happened because you sort of go, but then I think um it just sort of escalated, and then I remember when I was it was um I had to make the decision about what I was doing. So basically I was at work, I was doing a full-time job. I mean, you must be still working, are you still working? Yeah, so it's a it's a weird thing. I never told my boss I used to keep the world separate, I used to keep this like weird, like I was having an affair, it was weird, and it was like it was like I'd come in like with bags under my eyes like that, and he'd be like, Oh, have you had a tough night? I said, Yeah, the baby kept me awake, and I've been in Glasgow, you know. I mean, I've been I'd I've had like three hours' sleep, God knows how I was doing my job, and then and I think what happens is you reach a point where you're either gonna get rubbish at comedy or you're gonna get fired or you're gonna get divorced. And it was one of those things look how I put comedy first. That tells you an awful lot, doesn't it? Marriage third, good God, ashamed of myself. Um, and in in the week I was gonna uh my my boss offered me a role as a director, so he said, look, you can do this, and so I was faced with like this choice of like healthcare, pension, all this extra salary, and then in the same week I was offered Rob Bride and tour support, and um I had to make a decision, and uh so here I am. Uh yeah, it's weird, you know, because you you do worry because if your kids I always think it's quite easy to say to people follow the dreams and stuff, but you know, there's a point where some people shouldn't. You know, when someone says I want to follow me, really, gee, I don't think it's gonna work out for you. But um, but yeah, I think I wanted to be able to say to my kids if they want to do something in life, just just go for it, you know. And if I hadn't have done it, it'd have been a bit of a like hypocritical thing. Absolutely. She's got so many hobbies, that kid. I always know when she's gonna give up on one of her hobbies. It's the day after I've bought all the kit, it's just my loft's full of their failed attempts. It's like a museum of parental disappointment. I go up there, just go, there's five grand up here, hockey sticks, roller blades, there's a pony walking about. If he weren't for their shit pasta pictures, he'd have died years ago. You know, it's just can't get down the ladder, you know. Yeah, you gotta encourage your kids because one of them might make it, and I've got no pension. And sometimes they do loot littler, that dance player, 16 years old, already a champion. It's incredible. I was watching that documentary, his dad was on there, he said, I took that boy all round the country, I was always there for him, every step of the way. And I thought, I bet you were, Tony. I bet you were. Because every Sunday my kid plays little league football, and I have to stand on a touchline in the pissing rain, watching her and 10 other shit hobbits. And they are shit, they're all shit, mate, but no one tells them. They're the only ones that don't know the shit. We know the shit, the coach knows the shit. Sometimes the referee runs past and goes, These people are shit. And it's just a big circle of denial, Tony. And if I could swap that for the snug of the red lion, I could have. Sitting there. That's it, Luke. You chase your dreams, son. He's gonna chase this with a couple of Jaeger bombs. What do you mean you want to give up? You can't, I'm on the quiz team.
SPEAKER_01:You've supported a lot of huge names, you just mentioned Rob Bryden. I think you've supporting Michael McIntyre, Jensen Manford, John Bishop. How does that come about? Do they ask you directly? Or is it Yeah?
SPEAKER_05:It sort of networks a little bit. This I mean the the Bryden one was through um through his touring company, but a lot of it is is comes through you just bump into people and stuff. And it was really weird because when I when I met Rob um the first night I was really sort of stuck, because he's like a hero of mine, like the human remains and Marion and Jeff. And I had to keep a lid on that because what you don't want to do is to be supporting someone going, Oh fuck, you're amazing. The whole reason why I'm here, Rob. Then he'd go and get rid of him is weird, you know. You have to hold down that madness and pretend to assimilate as a normal human. So I was a bit standoffish, but then when we we we sort of got to know each other, and then it was really weird because then I'd sort of be like sitting there and like sharing a box of melon or something. It was weird, it was really because there's a moment where I was thinking, God, that's Rob Bryden, BAFTA winning. I'm just sitting there. Um, and then it it we've kept that relationship going. So, like I've done bits of writing for him. So during COVID, I mean it's just such a funny story. So he we were doing this Zoom call, and I'd got a shed in my garden where I work from. Yeah, I hide behind and where. Do you know what's weird about that shed? Gemma got me that shed. When I quit my job, she said, I've got your shed to write in, and she put Scott's writing shed, and I was over the moon, right? Yeah, but I'm a bloke and I'm so stupid I didn't realise what she's done. She'd kennelled me. She's basically gone, you're living outside, it's so far down the garden, I'm picking up next door's Wi-Fi. That is, she might as well have put me in a don't clap it. I'm I might as well have been another guy. So she's kennelled me down there, and so once, right, I was having a Zoom call with Rob, right? It's genuine, it's so weird to you to hear his voice in your shed, and like Gemma was pegging the washing out, right? And then he said to me, just hang on a minute, and he looked and he had like he was watching his gardeners on his cameras, and he just went, I'm just gonna check on the gardeners. And he was checking like this, and he says, Okay, it's fine, yeah. They've done what I asked. And I said, Well, hang on a minute, I'm just gonna check with my gardener. And I just put my head out of the shed and went, Gemma! How are them geranians? What a weird life we lead, you know. I couldn't be any further apart. He's checking his gun as Gemma just pegging out my pants. Is that Rob Bryden in there? Yeah. I tell you the thing is Gemma always says to me that you're quite highly strong. I know I'm quite highly strong. I find it very difficult to relax. I do, I'm not very good at it. Like for my birthday one year, right? Gemma, she hired us a hot tub, Stourbridge. It's a lovely idea, that isn't it? You know, she was there when I got home from work. But you've got to be in the right surroundings to truly appreciate a hot tub, I think. You know, like a footballer's mansion or a woodland glade, you know. It's not the same when you sat under your own kitchen window, you know, with your head on the outside tap, staring at your own wheelie bins. You know, it's quite hard to drift off, innit, when you're paddling a dead wasp back and forth. Listening to next door have a full-blown row. If you don't like it, Malcolm, you can piss off back to her. This is like Francis, it's so nice. Just sitting, every now and then getting hit in the face with your own washing. Just trying to drink Priseco through her big pants, you know. And she said to us, we can sit out at night and have a glass of wine under the stars. We can, because you've got a security light that I don't know how to switch off. Every time I took a drink, I was hit in the face by a 500-watt beam. It's like trying to have a bath on a runway. I just couldn't see each other. We're just looking through the mist. And I tried, I thought, God, I've got to try. She spent a lot of money, but then I realized the second day I was sitting there and I thought, this is hired, isn't it? Oh, dirty. Other people have been in there. I thought, I'm probably I'm probably pregnant already. Um other dirty people. We were given these chlorine tablets to keep it hygienic. We had a box to last a week, I did it in three days. Just every time I was a man with a hairy back, that's gone. Teenager going through puberty. That's another one. Parents who think a swimming nappy is watertight. That's the elderly. Oh no, my nana and her pelvic floor. I just her and all her mates from Knit and Natter coming round in costumes they hadn't worn since the 60s, just lowering themselves into the foam like that. A little stray lip just popping. Looking like the BFG's ear, just coming. You've popped out, love. You're out, push it back in, quick. Now there's two, it's horrific. Push it back in. You can't have that in your head, can you? That fantasy, not fantasy. That full box went in then. I knew I'd gone too far when Gemma dipped a foot in and it took a nail polish off. She said that we're going in the auto bus. I said, We're looking not. I'm not letting the kids go back in there. They'll go like a couple of barockers. Have you smelt it? Just leak it in a minute, you just hear a dissolve the children, darling.
SPEAKER_01:Hope you're enjoying the episode so far. I just wanted to take a quick break just to let you know that we've launched a Patreon for the podcast for just five pounds a month. You can get early access to all the episodes seven days before they're released. You'd also get access to the full unedited versions of the episode. So you'll get the warm-up at the start from me, you'll get the full stand-up set from the comedian, and you'll get the whole conversation in full unedited. So two new episodes per month, up to four hours of footage. Um you'll also be able to submit questions that we can ask on stage. So it's a really great deal. Just five pounds a month. If you do want to subscribe, that's available on patreon.com slash funny beepod. That's patreon.com slash funny beepod. Cheers, thanks. Obviously, we don't expect you to slag anyone off on a podcast that's going to be going out all over the place. But who was who was the nicest of those big nose? Who's been the most important thing? That's the leading question, isn't it? I mean, if you want to slag another one. No, I'm not slagging.
SPEAKER_05:Always comes back to your first rule. Never, yeah, never shit where you eat. That's the first rule there. Um no, they're all amazing, they've all been really supportive, and I think I think that's what I've learned. I try and do the same. Like I've got support now on my tours and stuff, and it's about relationships, really. Comedy more than it's it's a small industry, it's tiny. So if you you know the the runners and people getting your coffee are the producers of tomorrow. So you always got to remember that. Like, you know, you I've I it's yeah, thank you. Yes, it's true, innit? That's one runner clapping. Yes. I so I gave someone a cappuccino and they screamed in my face. I've never forgiven them. Uh and it's it's amazing how many comedians ruin their career off stage. Uh they they're brilliant on stage, but if they can't work with it, and I've and I've done it Sunday times when I do these corporate events, which are largely more difficult and you can die on your ass. I'm just psychopathically nice. I am anyway, but because then I think at least they've got well, he was nice, he was awful, but he was nice. Uh so I think you just got to be aware of that all the time, you know. But yeah, I once supported Nikki Flandagan at the O2. It's a very nice moment. I was backstage, I remember, just like this a little cupboard and everything. And I I was backstage about to come out, my phone went, it was my mum, and I thought I better answer it. And she went, Aye, are you nervous? I said, I am. She went, Oh, I would be.
SPEAKER_01:And then she said, But remember, love, remember, no one's there to see you, so that's and social media's obviously played a huge part in your you've had a massive rise in profile, I think, over the last 12 to 18 months. Um, and I was really pleased personally to see that because I think of the the comics that I know, you and Troy Hawke have probably worked the hardest at that element of the game. I think at one point you were putting a clip out every single day, and then they were doing well, but they weren't popping and going viral. How hard is just explain to the ones how hard that is to deal with mentally when it's not going the way you want it to.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, I mean, I I think there's a there's a weird thing happening now in comedy where you've got like a split in the industry where I think there's people who are quite new who've come via TikTok and uh that sort of thing, where they've got a massive fan base but no stand-up experience. So they're being put on in these big theatres and people only go and see them once. Because you can't cheat stand-up, it's the one thing, it's the you can't just blag it because audiences can sniff it, and you and it's so obvious. So, like I think it's a a little bit arrogant to think you can just do it, and I think but there's another people like Troy, there's people like Jeff Innocent, there's people like Ian Stone who have been going 15-20 years who have blown up in social media, and they're the people now who it's really kicking off for because people see a clip and then they go and see him live and go, Oh god, he's got 30 years, or she's got 30 years of experience, and they're absolutely incredible. So you'd much rather it be that way around. I think there's nothing more terrifying for me uh than going and being put in an arena when you've been going two years and you've got no material. It is it's an anxiety dream in it uh played out. So so I think the the the the the social media thing is a is a is a it's a blessing and a curse in a way because you are on your phone a lot, uh but it's there's the television and isn't having the same impact as it used to, and people aren't watching tele in the same way, and this is like you know, you've ri you've removed the barrier between yourself and the audience, and you've got it on the directly onto their phone, and it's uh it's been great. You find your audience much quicker. So I think it was it was surprising, but now it's happened. It's like it's everything's got easier. Yeah, everything's got easier.
SPEAKER_01:And do you so when you put a clip out, are you watching your phone constantly to see who's liking it and commenting?
SPEAKER_05:Come on, another like, one more like, one more like, and it'll fill the hole in my life. It doesn't no, I it's sort of you have to just but yeah, it's all true, mate. None of this is lies, you know. I'm sitting there, I get the children. Another like, Daddy, put it on the board. Um no, I I think what you the the thing I've found is you you can get you've got to engage so you can sell tickets that way, so it becomes an ongoing dialogue, really, and it's sort of but it does blur the lines a little bit between you and you know who you are on stage. It's it's it's an interesting time. I think if you can keep it at arm's length, it's it's an incredibly powerful tool, you know.
SPEAKER_01:What was the clip that changed things for you in in terms of elevating you into a person that a lot more people suddenly knew about?
SPEAKER_05:It was the zips on the camping. Yeah, the orchestra of angry zips, which I remember because I was in um where was I? I was in Kilkenny doing the festival, and I was with a lot of younger comics who were out getting pissed and stuff, and I thought, no, I'm going to use this as a work week. Uh really boring. And I took the hard drive of footage and I just edited all day and I just kept putting clips out, and that was one of them. And I I went out to do some gigs and I came back and it was just rocketing, and I've I've never seen anything like it. I think we went from like 15,000 to 56,000 in two hours or something. It was mad. And then I was just like, I'm going viral, and I didn't know what to do. I was just walking around Ireland going, I'm viral. Someone help me, I've never been viral. Someone find the antidotes, I've gone viral. It's very odd, you know. And then you go home and Gemma goes, uh, can you do the bin? I've been viral, I've gone viral. I couldn't give a shit where you're going. It's brown bin day. Go viral, go viral out there, will you? Put the bin out. That's what you need, innit? It's really done. I remember once I'd done this incredible gig. Uh I think it was a support gig, and we had little kids at the time. And I came in in the hallway, and uh Gemma just had just angry. I think it's fine, you know, we have to work it out somehow. Uh, and I opened the door, and this just warm nappy came from the landing, just like I'd been angrenated, just oh, there's your dream, have that to deal with it. She just went, put it in the bin! Well, that was okay, so yeah, it's uh it keeps you grounded, don't it? I think that's important, there it is. It is cause now, it's really important, you know.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I often think sometimes if if like personally, if I didn't have a family to come out after gigs that have been difficult, I think, as much as anything else, if you're then going back to an empty house can be difficult mentally, I guess.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, it is, and it's it is. I mean, everyone's always asleep, so when I go in, like Gemma's already asleep, and I always think if we get burgled or anything, she'd just open her eyes and go, Do you have a good gig, mate? And that's the burglar, like, well, I'm about palm, I've got your telly. Um but there a lot of people say to Gemma, because they always go, they always do that thing when they sit down with Gemma, goes, He's yeah, listen the comedian. She went, yeah, she went, You must just laugh all the time, yeah. She went, Yeah, he's hilarious. Never ends, it's a never-ending cycle. It's like being like being in a double act, it's like it's like Morecambe and Wise 24-7 in our house.
SPEAKER_01:So the camp the camping clip obviously rocketed you, but you had a nice rise in profile. You were one of the communities that took advantage of lockdown when you took to your shed and um started doing shows from there. Yeah, were you surprised by the success of that?
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, I mean it was a bit of a cry for help, really. I mean, there's nothing that sums up the lockdown than a man screaming behind chipboard, is it? That's uh in Italy there was singing from balconies, it was very and I was just screaming into a webcam in a shed. It was like Babe Station meets B and Q. It was a really desperate moment. Where are you going, Dan? I'm off down the garden to shout at 11 people online. This is how I feed you, you ungrateful shit. Um, I think everyone got spooked. I got spooked because I'd not long gone full time, 2018, and uh so it was like two years later, and it was and my wife is she's got her own business teaching French and German to kids in play groups, and so they closed all them. So we woke up one morning and we both lost our jobs effectively. Uh, and I I always remember it the night before lockdown. I was at the Glee in Nottingham, and uh it was a weird one because at the time everyone was like, This will just blow over this. People were just spraying tables and stuff, and they were like, This break's gone long, and we're like, Why is that? Men are washing their hands. That's when people were so frightened, and men are like, I'm gonna have to wash my hands now, we're gonna die from this if not. And then uh I thought, we'll be back, and then a year, two years, whatever it was. But um, it was just trying to stay productive, it wasn't really a thought-through plan, I'll be honest with you, and it was just a way of trying to stay with people and feel like you had some purpose. I think a lot of people got national attention, didn't it?
SPEAKER_01:You're on the news and everything, I think.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, they came round to me, garden and filmed it. It was weird actually. They all had socially big boom like question time, just into the shed like that. Why she was why once she said, Why are you doing this? I thought that's a weird question. Why am I doing it? I don't know. Just film me and get it on the news. Uh, but yeah, it was it was a strange thing. I think it was just it was just the that you you can make you can sell it, can't you? Someone in a shed. And I think there was a few people in the shed doing music, and I think it became a little bit of a but those first zoom gigs we did were bonkers. I mean, I've never been heckled by a man hoovering. Uh it was a weird time. When we first started, it was have you ever do you ever watch a zoom gig? There were dogs barking, people just going, Julie! Julie! Will you answer the phone? Just shouting. Just people making casseroles. I've never done it. It was so bizarre when we first started.
SPEAKER_01:Did you do any of the um car park ones with the people in the cars?
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, I did one of them, never again. Oh, and they beep. And I mean, do you know how weird that is? You come out, you're just looking at cars, and then they said, I said, how they'll beep if they find it funny. They beep. Anyone got kids? They move the wipers. It was that it was like some weird dream. Honestly, when someone reversed out, that's I mean, I've had walkouts, but someone taking the time to reverse, I'm going, man, this is shit. I'm reversing out of here. It was it was weird, it was like the nearest I've come to dogging. It was like, but yeah, you you look back and you think, God, that feels like another world. That, but yeah, I was shouting at cars, it was terrible. I did one of them and never again. Is that your worst ever giga? Have you got a word? I know, mate, there's worse than that. I'd love to say I I don't know, do you know? I don't have many, I'll be honest with you. I'm quite lucky like that. But um, I don't people always say when you die, you know, when you die, you know. It's a weird feeling when you have a death because collectively the audience have gone, nah, and you've gone, yeah, we've got nothing here. And then there's that moment when you're dying and you try and rescue it, and then they give you nothing, and that's wonderful. That I had that, I had that corporate once, and it was I was dying really badly. It was some sheet metal worker thing. I've not gone back. Um, and a guy in the front, I thought I'm gonna have to chat to him, and I spoke to this guy in the front row, and he says, I'm not helping you. I had to admire him. I was falling metaphorically through the air with a parachute, just grabbing at branches, and I and I've hold on to him, he's gone, get you off. Uh, but the the the gigs I don't like are the six out of tens where you you you're not quite sure what's happening, where you get them for a minute, then you lose them, and then you get them and you lose them, and you come off stage just going, What was that? They're more annoying for me.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, what's been your best gig?
SPEAKER_05:It's been so of course obviously anything in Stalbridge as well. You're very complimentary about this room. It's a great room, it's one of the best rooms in the country. No, there is that's not uh being sarcastic, it's fantastic what they've got here. Uh I I think it's better. You know, this is a thing, it's better than some bespoke comedy club, as that's how good it is. Um, but um, I think the best it's hard to put a finger on it, really. I mean, obviously there was the the the Royal Variety was great, and there was um but I think it's sometimes some of the support ones are brilliant. So when I did uh Mickey Flanagan at Nottingham Arena, which was 10,000 people, the reason why that was so good as well is because no one knows who you are, and and and being unknown is such a great little thing when you can walk on, and the expectation is he's gonna be rubbish, and when you get the laugh, you're like, ah fooled you all, didn't I? And then that moment where you can just keep smashing it where they're going like and so that was amazing. And the other reason that was good is there was no phones. So he'd done that thing where he put phones in a bag, so they all they were either watching me or nothing. Yeah, so it was yeah, so I think that one's pretty up there, you know.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_05:What what do you love the most about doing stand-up and what annoys you the most about uh what I what I love is the is the fact that you can think of something and then you can do it and it's instant, and then audiences can tell you, and I think that's creatively, I don't think there's anything better than that. I don't think there's anything as free as that. Um what annoys me? I suppose I suppose it's the it's the travel stuff, but then there's not much that annoys me about it. It it is it is sometimes difficult to juggle, so it's more the logistics of it, you know, and feeling like I always feel like I'm pulled in so many directions, and then I always feel that guilt that I've you know missed out on certain things, so that and I know I'm not getting the time back because I think because I gave up such a job which was such uh high paid, I I sort of have to make this work. In the back of my head, I'm like I've stuck it on a roulette wheel, and I'm like, I've got to make this work. So that's what's fueling me. Do you know what I mean? You you earning more now than you did with that job, didn't you? I think that's a bit vulgar to talk about then. We're not here to talk money, we're in Stourbridge on a Sunday. I think we can all agree it's not enough. I'll take that as a no then. Um we do we do okay. Do you know what we do okay?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:I mean, I'm driving a hybrid Toyota, so I think you'll find doing very well. Um it's it's yeah, it's difficult. It's difficult to juggle, yeah, is what you start to find. And it and you need someone like I've often thought that it's re it is really Gemma who's facilitated a lot of it. Because I think a lot of comedians hit a point where you have to choose between your partner and your marriage and comedy, and a lot of them choose comedy. Uh genuinely, and I think I think sort of Gemma's I know I I didn't do it when I met Gemma, I sort of inflicted it on her. So I sort of it was it is like I was seeing someone else, and I've just gone, I'm doing this now. See you later. And I and she's been there all the way, and I think that's the only that's another reason why I'm able to keep doing it.
SPEAKER_01:Thing that annoys probably annoys me the most talking about what annoys you the most. What's your standard? Are you finding that people are talking more now in audiences? And do you put it down to social media and lack of attention spans and watching one-minute clips? Yeah, I think people like you have been putting out.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, everyone says poor. I've had some people watching me on their phone whilst watching me, and I'm like, I'm here. Uh I I think generally, um, since COVID, it's been one of those, isn't it? But you I I sort of sympathise really because I've I've had it at certain gigs where you see the little light come up and it's like you know, ET at the back of the room, and you just go, come on. But you I've stopped stopped dealing with it, if I'm being honest, because you you don't know, people's lives are on the phone now, and it's really hard to separate that from it. But um, yeah, I think you just have to deal with it. I think it's been a problem when you go and watch music now. Everyone's filming gigs, aren't they? I mean, what who's do who's watching that back? Who's going, and yeah, who's going? That was a great night at Black Sabbath. Let's watch it on shitty phone with a shitty audio. It's like we're almost there. It sounds like you're in a bin. Why are you watching it back? So I think I think it does, um, yeah, I think it's just one of those problems for the arts in general, I think.
SPEAKER_01:You know, I worry about the next generation coming up at the well, I worry that we're just not gonna have a live industry because that's do you think.
SPEAKER_05:Well, this has been a lovely chat, won't you?
SPEAKER_01:We'll be well ahead of it by then, so it doesn't matter to us. I love that.
SPEAKER_05:Bring me on the podcast about my career, just to let you know you've got about a year left. Uh I've seen the writing on the wall, mate. You're in a dying industry. You might as well be mining coal, you idiot. Should have stayed in your old job. I feel like I'm doing a podcast with my mum. I told you. Stay in your old job. What did I say? This industry's dying, dancing around online like a prick, living as a jester. You got two children and a mortgage in the dying industry. You're a promoter, you're idiot. Imagine that. It promotes gigs. Yeah, the industry's dying, man. Come and see the show. It's dying, it's got about a year left. We're resuscitating it right now, it's on live support. I think, do you know, ironically, I think live industry is gonna be alright, and I'll tell you why. I do I do think it's gonna be alright because I think like music now, if you go and see an act, their only way they're making money is touring. No one's making money on Spotify, no one's making money streaming. You have to be good live, and I think, and then then people go, It's cost me seven kiddos to see Oasis, but then you go, Well, yeah, because that's the only way people are making money. Yeah, so I I think I think and comedy really, 25 quids compared to 150, yeah, it's still a really good buy, I think. And I think it's still live comedy, is unlike anything else, you know. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I don't, yeah. I don't I don't disagree with any of that. We've pulled it round! I know, I don't long live comedy. I guess I guess from my point of view, like my kids, um 19 and 17. Yeah, I can't I can't see them going out to watch live comedy, even though they've been brought up in it. Like they've been out a lot of other shows, and I just so I just worry about the younger generation, and music will be fine, like they go to bunny shitloads of gigs and everything in background knows how much, but I just think are they gonna watch stand-up comedy? And I'm not sure. I don't I don't know.
SPEAKER_05:I know what you mean, but then they become older, yeah. Yeah, so then they go through stuff. I it's a difficult cycle. I know what you mean. I know what you're saying, but then do they they consume stuff in a different way anyway? But I think as soon as you like the the core audience, 40, 35, 40, when you hit that, yeah, you start seeking stand-up, I think.
unknown:Even older.
SPEAKER_05:And even older.
SPEAKER_01:You're only 37, Ron.
SPEAKER_05:Ron. Ron, the other way around.
SPEAKER_01:I can't work that out, but yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Ron's my core demographic. I'll say I I'm not I don't worry about hecklers, I worry about bladders. My talk shows are 11 minutes long. People are just on commodes.
SPEAKER_01:What's your uh I've got a question on that actually. What's your view of commodes? No, no, no.
SPEAKER_05:It's very niche.
SPEAKER_01:It'd be amazing if I did.
SPEAKER_05:Have you been asking that in every podcast? Paul Sinner, what do you think of commodes? Johnny Cole, what do you think of commodes? And then now it's just gone, oh, it's relevant.
SPEAKER_01:I've got a sponsorship deal, so I've got to ask it, you know.
SPEAKER_05:I'm sponsored by Bristol Maid. Yeah, I used to design for them, that's why I know that. They make commodes. There you go. That's the detail you don't get with McIntyre.
SPEAKER_01:I finally found the right person to ask it to, yeah. It's incredible. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:You sort of look, don't you, at your parents. I'm jealous of my mum and dad. They're quite they're pow, my dad's a proper bloke as well. Like called Roy. It's a proper bloke's name, innit? People called Roy come out of the womb, already able to grout a bathroom. That's just. I don't think there were pictures of him as a baby. I don't think he ever was one. I think he just came out fully grown. One day he just went, It's too warm in here. You need to knock through love, it needs to be open plan. I'll come back next week, give you a quote. Then he just drove himself to playgroup. He's a great man. He's never paid for parking in his life. He's very proud of that. Yeah, when we were kids, he used to go into town. He would leave the car at the Jehovah's Witness Temple. He'd just leave it and walk away. I'd be like, Dad, what are you gonna do if you get caught? He said, I'll join. You don't know what they believe in. Well, they believe in free parking. That's first commandment, pray and display. They're good people. You don't get away with it, Dad. I will all the witnesses are in there. So he said it's quite hard to get my dad to move with the times, really. We bought him an iPad so he could FaceTime the kids. He never got the hang of that. He would ring us first, you know, half an hour before, to ask if everyone was prepared for the FaceTime. It's not live, eh, Dad? Just have a go, right? And he couldn't use the camera for two weeks. We were being FaceTimed by a fridge freezer. And then all of a sudden, accompanied by some heavy breathing, this eye would come creeping in.
SPEAKER_04:Here's granddad.
SPEAKER_05:How was that little granddaughter shitting herself? It's not even Half six, Dad. We've just been FaceTime by the hills of eyes, mate. What time is it where you are? Same as you. He doesn't trust it. He's got a sat nav. I was in the car with him. He switches it on, puts in the postcode, and then doesn't follow it. He drives against it just so it has to re-route and agree with him. I'm in the car. I said, Dad, she just said to go left. He says, No, she always gets it wrong, this woman. And then he said, just you watch, she'll change her mind in a minute.
SPEAKER_01:What's your view on heckling? Because obviously there's a there's been uh a lot of comics now who are putting out lots of videos, you know, comic versus heckler, comic destroy, seckler. Do you think it's uh an enjoyable part of the live experience, or do you think they're a pain in the arse?
SPEAKER_05:I think it distorts that because I think sometimes people go to comedy thinking they are the show, and then I think also it goes to the point where people are scared because they think they're going to be the show. So I think there's a a difference. I think with my audience, I found my audience to be a lovely. They I've almost curated them a little bit. They're great. Yeah, I don't really have problems at all. I had someone nod off. I mean, and I sort of said that he's a great heckle that's took planning. That he's had to he's had to work nights for that. When you're going to see Scott Bennett, I'm just gonna have another two nights awake. Wait till he gets to a sweet spot and I'm going like that. Uh but I shouldn't have asked my dad to come. But the point I I think heckling, I I think you've got to judge it on its merits. I think it it's it depends. I think there's a lot of people hunting for clips, and I think I I I'm my attitude on it is really I don't ever prepare for it because I think and I don't really get it. I'll be honest with you, I very rarely get it. I get it when I do weekend clubs, but then uh you know you just deal with it. But I think there's an interesting thing about the uh if it's the atmosphere you create, innit? If you're creating like a community and and everyone's together and you're not cruel, do you know what I mean? I think I think there's an there's an element of being inclusive with crowd work that you can actually do, uh, and that's why Troy's done so well because he's complimenting people at such a great angle. Uh, and and you go, Well, you can't really fault that because they walk away with a spring in the step, you know, like whereas you you know you see someone walk out and go, Oh, you're a nonce, and you go, Good Christ almighty, it's it's quarter past eight. Do you know what I mean? So it's a weird thing, innit? Uh you know, it's difficult, innit? This is the thing because I've got little like she's only five, that one. Well, three when we go swimming, and it's just four on a bus, three on the train. She's confused now, you know. Every birthday is a genuine surprise for all of us. She just wanders around. How old am I at the day? Depends what we're doing, really. Uh you said Alton Towers, right? Well, getting that baby grow, look small. I'm not paying 48 quid for you to want some teacup sticker. What does daddy say? What get on board with the fraud? That's why he said stop talking. We're trying to breastfeed you. You see, you have to commit to it, really. You know, you go through a turnstile with a five-year-old hanging off your tip, they'll wave you through. They don't want to deal with that family, they think you're weird. Especially when I'm the one feeding her. She is so latch on for daddy, there's a good girl.
SPEAKER_01:Um, I've got some more questions, and we haven't touched on live at the follower of Royal Variety, which I'll come back to in a bit, but might be a good point to throw it open to the audience to see if anyone's oh we've got questions already. So, yeah, okay. So we've got two over here Eddie. So if we can take the lady on this.
SPEAKER_05:Oh, you've got a microphone, my god, it's question time. Oh my god, this is more organised than it looked. Give the mic. Have you got the mic? I've got the mic. Oh, she's alright, don't be so aggressive.
SPEAKER_01:That's what I'm not on though, but she's got it.
SPEAKER_02:One, two.
SPEAKER_05:I've got the mic. I was like the quietest voice in the world, like that woman on Police Academy. I've got the mic.
unknown:I've got the mic.
SPEAKER_05:Okay. Hi, Scott. Hello.
SPEAKER_06:At the risk of sounding a bit stalkerish, I've been following you since pre-COVID.
SPEAKER_05:Oh, good god, that is weird.
SPEAKER_06:It is a bit weird. And um, I've seen you at a couple of strange venues, but the strangest one was Coventry.
SPEAKER_05:Oh.
SPEAKER_06:And it was during their comedy festival.
SPEAKER_05:I don't remember that.
SPEAKER_06:You probably don't. I think I blacked that one out of my mind, actually. You had to come out and perform, and then we decided if we'd pay you or not. Do you not remember it?
SPEAKER_05:Nope. I tell you what, my god, that's a flashback.
SPEAKER_06:Bless you, I'd seen you twice and you were brilliant. Oh, God, either. And then you walked out and there's five of us sat there and you just looked at us and went.
SPEAKER_05:Oh, if I think I remember it was like a works disciplinary, wasn't it? It felt like a speed awareness course. I tell you what, that five quid was the greatest money I've earned. Was it in like a uh the Coventry Comedy Festival?
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, it was. And we ran all these venues and it was boiling hot. Yeah, that's an you were you you had to go, bless you.
SPEAKER_05:You had to go.
SPEAKER_06:Do you know what?
SPEAKER_01:That's going straight on the comedy scene, that is.
SPEAKER_05:This is what I'm saying. Can we not filter these questions? Have you ever watched an audience with with Billy Connolly? You know when this is what this is trying to be? When they'd ask a question. You ask a question at a high point. You don't say, Do you remember when you had to go? You had to go in Coventry to five people. This is my self-esteem treading on here.
SPEAKER_06:They were your words. You said, Do you want me to have a go?
SPEAKER_05:And there were four of us. I don't remember any of this.
SPEAKER_06:There was four of us sat there, and then there was some old guy who sat over the other side on his own, which was a bit weird. Oh. And you did do half an hour, and we put money in the bucket and we left. But what I wanted to ask was, how do you pick yourself up from that book? Clearly you just blanked out.
SPEAKER_01:We'll edit this one out, Scott, don't worry.
SPEAKER_05:I'll tell you how I picked myself up. I picked myself up by not revisiting it. At one of the points where my career's flying ten years down the line, when someone dredges me. This is like one of them programs, you know, when they show like a Hollywood actor, when they did an advert for Marmite or something, and go, look at them now, Oscar winner, but look at this when they were desperate.
SPEAKER_03:I'll tell you what.
SPEAKER_05:You learn something from every gig, you know, and I learnt that day to never go to Coventry. And I've not I've not been back since.
SPEAKER_06:Well, can I just say I've driven 45 miles from Warwick today to come and see you? Because I've seen you in Canalworth and you're on at Warwick Arts Centre 21st of March, 2021.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, this is even better if she'd got the mic switched on, yeah. But uh she's holding it and giving it a go. She's on commission.
SPEAKER_06:Anyway, you were brilliant, and thank you for carrying on.
SPEAKER_05:Thank you.
SPEAKER_06:You've got so so good.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, it might have been. Thank you for carrying on. Thank you for carrying on. Oh, god, god. Anyone got any more questions? Um, just to let you know, if you want to hover another uh low part, I shit myself at the Macfest. Uh if you want to know about that, where I had to hide my pants behind a bin. Um any other points? Any other low points in my life? I lost a testicle as a child. Maybe bring that back up. Um I don't know. Have you really? This is not what I signed up for.
SPEAKER_01:We've got Jane over there already, but keeps the mic on.
SPEAKER_05:I don't it doesn't sound like it doesn't like it, it doesn't sound like it's on to me. Are you gonna hear these questions?
SPEAKER_06:Can you hear me? Is it on? Okay. I scott. Hello. Um I just wondered how the podcast came about with Gemma and was she on board right from the start?
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, well, she's realised it's a contractual obligation now. I said to her, we're a married couple, there's only one way out. Well, two ways out this podcast there's divorce or death. Um, do you know what's interesting about that? Because I've thought I've thought a lot about that. That came off the back of the shed thing. We wanted to keep doing stuff, and and and I've realised we don't spend enough time together, it is impossible. And that sort of couple of hours every Monday is a way of regrouping and maintaining, then we go out for lunch after it's very nice and all that. It's very civilised, and then we put it through as expenses and uh it's all tax deductible, isn't it? Um you've got to have a podcast because the industry's dying. Uh so you've got to have something digital. Do you know what's really interesting? I've thought about it. There's not many comedy, I was watching the thing about double acts, there's not many comedy married couples, right? Because I think you can't really hide the tension. But there are a lot of magicians and magicians' assistants who are married, which does make a lot of sense. Because if you can cut that person in half, that's do you know when they're putting the shorts in the box? I think she's pushing them back out because he didn't stack the dishwasher properly. That's what I think of your trick, Kevin. That's going back. So yeah, I think it I think it's a way of bonding, and um, it's been great. And I do get a lot of ideas from it and stuff, so yeah, it's just been a way of continuing and maintaining the stability at home, really. That's a boring answer, but that's the reality. Thank you.
SPEAKER_04:No, another voice from the darkness. It's really good. Well done. Keep keep going. I feel like I'm running a marathon. Keep going. You're done very well with your little podcat. Feel like I'm round minanas. Tell us about your podcast.
SPEAKER_05:Because the thing is this is a thing, innit? You've got you sacrifice a few things when you're kids, you know. You sacrifice stuff, you sacrifice your holidays. Oh god, we went on a holiday. They're not holidays, are they? Family and holidays, they don't belong together, those words. Stress on tour, innit? Taking your problems around the globe, just sharing them with innocent people, you know. We went to this hotel, we'd spent a lot of money, and the woman on the reception says, You're in the family room.
SPEAKER_04:She loved telling us that. You're in the family room, you're gonna have a shit holiday.
SPEAKER_05:Because what that is, is an incredible idea, innit? We get caught with this every year. You go from being at home where you've got all your own space and comfort, and you go and live together in one room for 14 nights for three grand. It's not a holiday, it's like you're waiting to be rehoused after a flood, isn't it? That is an emergency you are in. Of course, you're with your kids, your bedtime is their bedtime. You lay next to each other going, I just can't sleep. Neither can I, it's 10 to 7. The one show hasn't started yet. We had our evening meal six minutes ago, huh? Still chewing lamb here. Came back shattered because every night the youngest got into bed with us. Every night, right? Three in the morning, I just see a shadow just move near the mini bar. And then she got into bed with us from the bottom of the quilt. Do you know how terrifying that is at three in the morning? Just seeing a mound just moving towards your ball sack. Do you know? Can you imagine? It's like a Japanese horror film. I was like, Jenna, there's something in the bed. And she pokes her and up. She's like, Daddy, I've had a nightmare. So have I. Mine started in 2016, looks just like you, and doesn't end even when I'm awake. Tell you what, why don't you pop in here now and for the next four hours just use my back as a treadmill? How about that? What are we booked again for next year? I don't know why we do this.
SPEAKER_01:I think uh your friend Ron's got a question down the front here. Yeah, yeah, uh Hazel and I, we've got another micron, the mic.
SPEAKER_07:Hazel and I have been coming here for ten years now, something like that. We've seen some amazing acts. Steady. It gets better, approximately. We saw you doing um uh uh uh low blood sugar baby. Yeah. Thank you, yes, yes. It was one of the very, very best gigs we've seen, and what what amazed me about it was thinking that that wasn't just a gig for Katie Fitzgerald's, you were gonna be doing that all over the country. So, how did you keep the emotional ups and downs of that? Because the emotion was great, then the humour, then the emotion. I've never experienced a gig like it. How did you manage to keep that going all through your talk?
SPEAKER_05:Um, yeah, I I think I think the thing is, it's um it is hard to to replicate it because you want it to feel like it's in the room, and and for those people it's the first time they've seen it, but it's the first time ever because it was a true story, it's not a fake. It it was like a every time I revisit it, it's like a little bit of a moment. And someone always said to me, you know, you'll find something when when you're doing comedy, there's always a moment where you're gonna have to gig through tough times, and that's that's not happened yet, but you know, touch wood. But when I'm doing that, I'm right back where we were, and there's like a little I'm able to put it to bed. So so for me, just telling the story is is a catharsis, actually. So I actually I I did enjoy it, and every time I was doing it, I was getting some closure on it. So it it was it was the first time where something's really connected with me, you know. Um so yeah, I feel I think it was I just have to remember that there's people in the room as well where it might relate to and they might be going through that, and so it felt quite it felt like a little bit of a responsibility, you know.
SPEAKER_07:But you you say something sorry, but you did say something in the in the routine before you went on the tour with it. You you um you uh I can't sorry, I can't remember your daughter's. Olivia Olivia had to sort of okay it from before you took it on. I thought that was a lovely little bit of information.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. Well, I'm I'm also aware of it. It's not it is her life, do you know what I mean? I always think my my parents didn't have a you know, I always think this because my children have got they can listen to a podcast, they've got a full archive. I've got nothing like that. So like my like when we're gone, like they could sit down and go, let's just get episode 93 on where she really slags him off. And that's a really weird they could do a deep dive into our life, and I thought that the other day, I'm like, oh my god, they've got everything. Um, and so for Olivia, but it is important that that consent thing, and uh and I'm very careful with that. Um, because they they asked to come and do an interview with us, uh, I think it was some pet newspaper, and she said no, so you know it's not happening. So uh I think it's uh she's she's distanced from it. Um so yeah, but yeah, but she also gets how weird and incredibly rare what she had was, you know.
SPEAKER_01:So nice way to wrap it up, I think. Um uh Live at the Apollo and the raw variety are the two big things. Um how did uh tell us a bit about the process of how Live at the Apollo comes about? Do you have to audition for it?
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, well I think I think sort sort of you get on a radar, uh, and then I have to. It's like you're thinking about my safety, but no, no, not at all, no. Not bothered about that. You're off the camera, got no PLI insurance. About six foot up here. I feel like I'm cleaning the windows. A couple of L. Come on, get in, you're off the camera. Mercenary. Um, uh, yeah, you there's some sort of like you get on a radar and then they send scouts out and you do a gig and uh they then say you've got it, or you know. And I remember I was in London, it was like a bank holiday week, and I came out of a tube and I had a phone call from my agent and said, You've got it. And then you only have like eight, nine days between then and the recording. But I it's an interesting one, the Apollo, because I I it's I learned a lot. First bit of telly ever, and I and I and I I think it I found it hard to be in the room. I found it, I found it more intimidating than I did. Because you're trying, you're like, it's just another gig, it's just another gig. And as you're saying that, some makeup lady brings a brush in, like, you're like, it's just a normal gig, and she's like starts dabbing your face and stuff, and they're like, it's just a normal gig. In a minute, that bit's gonna go up and there's gonna be a load of smoke, and then three and a half thousand people. It's just a normal gig, and and it's quite hard because then you they start, and what you don't see at home is they're brightly lit, yeah, they're not in the dark, they're they're bright because they have to be for the cutaways. So you walk out and you see everyone, and then also as well, there's no warm-up or anything, they just have a compare who does material, and you're straight in, and they're watching three shows a day. So by the time you get on, they could be like, Oh god, I've got to go home, you know. And it's so it's it's a harder gig than it looks actually, and uh, I did learn a lot from it, and then when I did the Royal Variety, I went with a completely different mindset, and I really enjoyed it. I was in the room, I still enjoyed the Apollo, but I I was in the room with the Royal Variety, and it was a great it felt like I was like comfortable and you know, uh, but it was very strange that though, because you you don't realise you you I never really I stood there at one point and there was just like Andrew Lloyd Weber with an orange, just peeling an orange. Fucking Andrew Lloyd Webber, that and then El and John just came past in a wheelchair. I was like, that's Elton is Ellen John there, that Lorraine Kelly having a baked potato. You're like, this is mad. Penn and teller just weing next to you in the box. You're like, this is madness, this is some sort of fever dream. But yeah, it's it's like a really strange moment, you know.
SPEAKER_01:And a nice story to finish on, I think. Obviously, you you got a new fan from the Royal Variety. There's some great national newspaper coverage of it, picture of the king laughing at the camping joke, I think. Um but the the feedback he got online wasn't complimenting on your comedy, was it?
SPEAKER_05:Oh no. First, this is a weird moment, it's in my new show, actually, but they um they the your comments come in, and I try and stay offline, but they sent this clip out and it it was on like Australia. It went to Australia, and then I like the it was like boom, boom, and then the first comment was like, He's got a lump in his neck, he has. What's that lump in your neck? And it was just all the way through his neck's pregnant, and that's where and then I started getting emails like doctors going, I don't know who you are, but I've watched your old ride, so you need to get your neck checked out, and I'm stood there, I'm going, This is my big moment here. I'm getting diagnosis from everywhere, and then someone said, Oh, yeah, my uncle had that, and he was dead by Christmas. And I'm looking like and then I said to the kids, this I'm not making up. I said to the kids, just scroll through and find something about the joke. There's nothing, and then my youngest went, Oh, this one is he wearing a wig. I was 4K is not your friend, it's brutal. Every little thing, and I went and had it checked out, and I had to make an appointment with a doctor because I was shitting myself. I thought, this is that's happened, you know. People have been diagnosed while people have watched them do stuff. So I went to the doctor and I had to show her the performance, and she sat and watched it in silence. She's just going like that. She's just watching, I'm watching her face. That's the most brutal dying in the doctors. And she's looking and she's going like that, and then she's like, is that a wig? I'm like, no. She's looking down at this footage, and then she she never smiled, not even a flinch. She's never smiled, and she then she looked and she said, just stand up. She's doing this.
SPEAKER_04:She's like, she's just muscular neck. You've got a six pack in your neck.
SPEAKER_05:Like I say, you know, if I'm glad it wasn't bad news, it'd have been hard to swallow. No, not with this bicep in my neck. Got a Schwarzenegger neck, it's incredible. Just yeah. So it was it's it's strange when you go. Um there's always people who write stuff, do you know what I mean? I've I've had people what I've tried to do now with uh this is mad, right? I'll just tell you this. This is the world of social media. You get people writing stuff. Do you remember when we didn't have social media and these people were just in the bunker somewhere or in a basement? Or sat behind a gambling machine in a pub just going, Yay, yay, yay! But now they're online and they've got a voice now and everyone's got to hear them. Uh and I used to I tell you, this is the best thing. I used to put these crowd work clips out, and someone said, These are all actors, these people, this is canned laughter, and these are actors. And so what I did was rather than leave that, the best thing to do is to respond because it pumps up the algorithm. Remember that. It promotes arguments and conflicts are promoted more than compliments. Just to let you know the world we're in, we're all in a big dog fight, just to let you know. So basically, what I did was I put out a video, and if you put out a video saying apology, everyone watches it because they want to see you get cancelled. So I put this video out and I said, I just want to confess that yes, um, all these videos, I've got a minibus of people that I take round the country with me, and we rehearse on the way to gigs. So actually, there's a person in Doncaster who was playing a plumber, uh, and I said, The laughter is all canned laughter. I said, I once did a gig above a harvester in Wolverhampton. Uh, and if you listen carefully, you can hear the clink of the salad bar. Uh and so I did all this and I said, I'm so sorry to everyone I let down. It's a real apologize. Uh I'm gonna make sure it's real from now. We're in a world of fake news, and I put this clip out. The first comment, I knew it. Always respond to the trolls. When people say they don't like me, I said, I can't continue now. I said it was all about making you laugh, John and Cardiff. And I said, I'm on my way now to shout jokes through your letterbox, get ready. I don't let them back down, I do.
SPEAKER_01:I try and convince and convert everyone like a religious thing, and you and you're convincing more and more people every day, and it's fantastic as someone who's known you for, as I say, 10 plus years since the Hollybush, it's fantastic to see. Um, you've been the best guest we've had on here so far, Scott, and I didn't expect anything less. Thank you very much for doing it, and uh ladies and gentlemen, Scott Bennett. Thank you. Thank you very much.
SPEAKER_05:Support life comedy, it's dying, it's dying. Enjoy your Sunday.
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SPEAKER_00:Uh well we can't make a podcast. I mean it really can't make a podcast. Yeah, this can't make the podcast, but uh put into this. And do you know what? Now that I've said that, this doesn't make a podcast.
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