Episode 3 | Jonny Cole | Flying the Flag for the Black Country

A hungover morning, a throwaway song about Wednesbury, and a dad who said “stick it on YouTube” set off a chain reaction Jonny Cole is still riding. 

He started out singing covers and cheeky parodies in Black Country pubs to one man and his dog - today Jonny Cole is selling out theatres all over the country on a national tour that is being extended again and again due to phenomenal demand.

We dig into the real story behind that surge: how an online argument about Black Country borders did more for ticket sales than any TV slot, and Jonny's surprise at the material landing just as hard in Brighton as it did in Dudley.

We go beneath the laughs too. Jonny talks candidly about swapping Dutch courage for real courage in his bid to beat the booze, finding support in AA when mornings used to start with vodka before presenting the breakfast show on Black Country Radio. 

Jonny gives us an insight into how he comes up with his hit songs, and shares a cracking story about a costly plane journey which left him more embarrassed than he ever has been on stage.

He rules out ever going on shows like Britain’s Got Talent, and is a real life example of how social media and word of mouth is outmuscling the old gatekeepers. 

As for what’s next: more cities, more seaside dates, Birmingham arenas and a Perth Fringe run for the yam yams down under.

Book tickets to see Jonny live at www.funnybeeseness.co.uk/jonnycole

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Transcript

Welcome And Show Format

SPEAKER_04 0:00

We're on tour at the moment, we're all over the country. It's been quite the laxative, I'll be honest with you. Um we're going further afield than ever, and we've got over a hundred thousand followers online now, ladies and gentlemen. And if you have one of them hundred thousand followers, I can only thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support. And if you want to follow me online, you can, right? But if you do, choose to follow me online, don't go over the top. Aye, you mate. I don't want to see your dog or your dinner or your d none of the D's.

SPEAKER_07 0:39

Hello, and thanks for tuning in to our brand new comedy podcast. It's a funny business with me, your host Wayne Bees. So, how does it work? Well, we film two shows over the course of one day at the amazing Fits of Laughter Comedy Club in Stowbridge in the West Midlands in front of two completely different studio audiences. We have a comedian on as a guest for each episode, and in the first section, they perform an extended stand-up set. We have a break, and then in the second section, I join them on stage for a QA and a chat about their life. The audience gets the chance to ask questions as well, and then we edit it all into a great little package that you are watching or listening to today. So thank you for your support and enjoy. Cheers. You alright? We've not seen each other, have we very much reason? Yeah, haven't we? Yeah, I don't know how this is gonna go. No, it's uh uh it's great to have you on, and the reason we've got you on is because there's obviously been a massive success story in the last 12 months where you've kind of absolutely rocketed. But tell us a bit about before what what were you doing? You're a musician, weren't you, before you went into stand-up, weren't you?

SPEAKER_04 1:47

Yeah, I wrote um I wrote a song about Wednesburg one morning, and uh I just I just woke up, I had a I had a terrible hangover, and I looked out the window and I just uh and I just sat I did it, I did it to make my dad laugh originally, and I just sent it to my old man, and uh and he he he said you want to put that on the YouTube? And uh and I did, and it and it went down better than anything I'd ever done before. So he said uh he said, son, he says, you want to do some more this comedy stuff because no one likes your other stuff, you know. So I did, and he was right, so yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 2:25

So the Wednesbury song was the first one.

SPEAKER_04 2:26

The Wensbury song was the first one, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 2:28

And then what happened after you just started writing black country songs?

SPEAKER_04 2:31

Yeah, I did then I did uh how can I tell her it's over when I still got my Xbox at her house. Was that a true story? That was a true story, and that went down well. And I was doing like covers in pubs. See, I never meant I never meant to do like comedy really. I was doing covers and then I wrote um these silly songs, and I started slipping them in between the the oasis I was doing in the pubs on a Sunday afternoon, and people were laughing at them and asking me to do them again, and it more evolved, and it wasn't a conscious decision that I was gonna do funny stuff.

SPEAKER_03 3:03

It just people liked it better when I was pissing about. So you were you in bands before before that? So bands and rock bands and stuff. Not nothing good.

SPEAKER_07 3:17

I'm sure it was sure it was better than you putting across. But you you went all over the world, didn't you? You you're playing it down, but you've been all over the world, haven't you?

SPEAKER_03 3:25

That was I can't remember much about it, I can't tell much about it, but it was it was good fun.

SPEAKER_04 3:29

Yeah, but we didn't have make no money, and um but yeah, I was yo I was about 23, 24 or something, so yeah. Fantastic and then a long time ago.

SPEAKER_07 3:38

Yeah, and then we've been so to say, you you you were doing really well for a long period of time, and then last year um goes a bit mad, doesn't it?

SPEAKER_04 3:48

You got involved?

SPEAKER_07 3:49

Well, I was hoping he'd say that. Hang on, where's the tenor?

SPEAKER_04 3:53

It's uh seriously, like um I would I'd just landed a a two-e gig and I was doing the hotels abroad, and they were flying me around and like um I was getting good money, and I was just playing to Brits Abroad, and I was doing I the idea was not to be remembered because if you're gonna be remembered, it's probably because you'd upset someone. So it was just about keeping it nice and mild and just entertain them for half hour and then get out with the money, and that was and and I thought this is this will do me now. I can put my feet, I'll get a couple of days on the beach, and this will be my I can do this, this will this is this is happy. I'm I've got to a level where uh I'm you know I'm a successful actor as far as I'm concerned because I could pay my bills and I was travelling and it was great, and then you turned up, and then uh yeah it's making it sound like it's a fucking bad thing, yeah.

Viral Clip And Social Media Surge

SPEAKER_07 4:46

I mean I he it works me harder than Elvis fucking Presley, I'm gonna tell you.

SPEAKER_04 4:51

It's like me to Colonel Tom Parker. But no, um I think because when you took over and you started doing the the social media and the TikTok and all that stuff that I've never really been asked with before. And and uh then within a month I I remember you phoning me and going, have you seen the numbers on this? And I thought, shit. I've got to stop travelling now.

SPEAKER_07 5:13

Well, it was the the video that really took off was the and and you did it in the first section is the black country uh accent, people speaking in letters rather than words. And the the bizarre thing about social media, I think I've told you this, but that's done about two two to two and a half million views now since last September. But the bizarre thing that that triggered it and really made it fly was nothing about people saying, This is really funny, like this is great. This is it was about people arguing about where the boundaries of the black country are online, honestly, genuinely it's true because on because on the first video we put out, and you've changed it now, I think, as a result of it. But on the first video we put out, he says, Pass a guy on his phone in Wolverhampton, and he'll say. So we had a comment come on, go, Wolverhampton are in the black country, and then I checked my phone about an hour later, and we got about 300 comments just from people going, but people quoting maps and websites and boundaries and fucking nothing to do with a clip, but then it just fucking went. So that's the bizarre world of social media. And the black country accents the best accent in the world, eh?

SPEAKER_04 6:17

Best accent in the world, only accent in the country that can make good news sound like bad news. Like erm we've won the lottery. And if you are from the black country, you might be mistaken into thinking we speak in letters rather than words. Oh, you are okay. And that's a full conversation done from start to finish.

Recognition, Fans, And Dating Chaos

SPEAKER_07 6:57

Within a week, we I think we did two thousand tickets, didn't we, for the Armaguddin originally? And we'd sold about a thousand, and then the other thousand went in four days after that clip, so it just went uh a little bit crazy. But give give us an idea of how you you get recognised a lot now, don't you? Yeah. Tell them about the one. We was in a courier's last night after the Briley Hill gig, and somebody was the table over by us was had got him on the phone. Just like the best was I was in the gym last week.

SPEAKER_04 7:33

I've joined a new gym, and uh and they've got a little coffee area and a bar like separate to everything else. And I'm sat there having a coffee and I went. There's a bloke in a swimming pool with his speed hoes on, and he's got his phone, he goes, Is that you? And I went, yeah? And he went, can I have a photo? And I went, yeah, if you want, not with him, through the glass. So it's it's it's it's weird, but it's it's nice.

SPEAKER_07 8:12

Is it is it on a daily basis now you're getting recognition? Not really, no. Not really, no.

SPEAKER_04 8:17

It's nice though, it's a nice thing to happen.

SPEAKER_07 8:19

And another thing that you've had is uh the the women like you, don't they as well?

SPEAKER_04 8:28

The women like very strange women like me.

SPEAKER_07 8:31

Yeah, yeah. Remember that about that bloke? Remember that bloke who liked you? Yeah, he did.

SPEAKER_02 8:40

That's all he likes.

SPEAKER_07 8:41

Yeah. We had this fat American bloke, didn't we? On the he just kept saying hi, sexy, and that was all he was putting. Every day for about a week. I shouldn't have answered him really well.

SPEAKER_04 8:52

No, prick tees out.

SPEAKER_07 8:56

But we have that that clip we put out about the the the bit about being single again. So we put that out two or three times, and every time I put that out, I'll get about 20 women. You can take me out on a date if you want, Johnny. It's ridiculous. Ridiculous. And he he loves it as well, really. He's pretending he doesn't.

Sobriety Journey And AA

SPEAKER_04 9:13

But um I'm uh I'm recently single again now, ladies and gentlemen. Well, ladies mainly. Um I'm no good at it. I uh honestly. Daft reason we broke up this time. I feel like I can share it with you. Stupid reason to break up, right? All right sleeping with the telly on and the door open, right? And airloite sleeping with a rugby player called Chris. Quartermatic on the kitchen table. Very impressive legs. Because most tables would have buckled under that sort of pressure, do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_07 9:50

But yeah, it's been uh it's been a great journey. It's it's great to see it to be honest. It's just because obviously you've you've come through so you talk a lot about the and I hope you don't mind me bringing up about the drinking and the problems that you had in that regard.

SPEAKER_04 10:01

Yeah, don't do that no more.

SPEAKER_07 10:02

Yeah, yeah. How long's it been, you say, and the tour, don't you?

SPEAKER_04 10:05

Yeah, I erm today's three years, nine months, and twenty-eight days. Yeah, it had to go, it had to go. I erm because when it when I started, it was Dutch courage to get me on stage and I was enjoying my nights out, and I was and and then it just snowballed and snowballed, and everywhere I went it was a free bar. And um, so if I'm gigging three or four nights a week and you're drinking three or four nights a week, it just catches up with you after a bit, and it got to the point where I just were enjoying it now more, and I was forcing it, and I was drinking more and more thinking that you know I just try and enjoy. And remember that gig off I did that song twice. Yeah, I drank uh I drank a whole bottle of uh JD honey liqueur before going on stage and um that was um that was at Briley O'Shea's with Joe Boyce and I was rude to him as well. I said something never mind. No, no, I've apologised since it's done. But um but I but yeah, those days there were just carnage, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 11:16

But that gig, in all fairness, some of you might have been added, it was probably been 2016, but it was it was Johnny opened, Mark Watson did the middles, massive TV comment, Joe Lysick closed it, and everyone went away talking about him. So it was probably at that stage where I thought this guy's got something, but he'd just drunk a bottle of JD, so I was like, fuck that, I ain't getting involved with it. So um, but yeah, it was so you're drinking on a you say you're drinking at gigs and stuff, were you drinking at home as well? So what what give us an idea of a daily basis?

SPEAKER_04 11:46

What you well I used to work on Black Country Radio, so um I used to give myself the excuse that I was performing, so I needed some Dutch courage, so I'd just start in the morning. Before the radio? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I used to drink vodka and orange for breakfast, and then I just fuck the orange off after a bit. Unnecessary. Well it sometimes it wore there, and I saw I just did it neat, and I thought I don't really need that. So and I'd do the show and I'd be happy enough, and then I'd come home and I'd have a drink, go to the office on the way home and have a drink at lunchtime, and then have a sleep in the afternoon, wake up at six and drink myself to sleep again. Start again.

SPEAKER_06 12:27

It's a crap way to live, honestly.

SPEAKER_04 12:28

And then the one day I woke up and I I was um I was being bad, man. I was like throwing up and um I'd hang over and I just caught a look of myself in the mirror and I looked fucking terrible. And um and it was then I just thought enough and I knew I was I knew I was serious about it because it was a Tuesday morning. Who gives up anything on a Tuesday? It's always a Monday is a Monday morning, and um so I know once I made the decision it had to go, it was quite it was you know, it was difficult, but it was because I'd made the conscious decision that I didn't want to drink no more. It was uh it was a beautiful thing. Went to AI, got a bit of support, and uh yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 13:04

Tell tell them about the story at AI last Christmas, you told me the other week about the yeah fuck you do.

Black Country Pride And Local Gigs

SPEAKER_04 13:10

So I was just telling you why, and it was one of the funniest experiences I've ever been a part of was when I was at AI at Christmas time, and someone brought some mince poison that had alcohol in them. And he was all sitting around waiting to do, you know, be all tell our stories and whatnot. And he just heard from the kitchen, what the fuck are these? And it was serious, like there was there was there was nearly a punch up over these mints piece, man. But I just sat there giggling away.

SPEAKER_03 13:41

It was just one of the one of the funniest things.

SPEAKER_07 13:45

Do you go there, Rick? Do you still go there?

SPEAKER_04 13:47

No, I don't do so much no more. I'll go sometimes I'll go, but just more to give other people a bit of support and show them that there's a bit of hope because I remember when I was there, it was it's a scary thing, like so. If I do go, it'll normally just just to say look, it'll be okay. Yeah, and just stick with it, sort of thing.

SPEAKER_07 14:03

It's nice, nice for you to support other people. It's part of your recovery, like it you it's part of it.

SPEAKER_04 14:09

Well, we do a 12-step programme, and your 12th step is to help somebody else.

SPEAKER_07 14:15

Yeah, so there's a round of applause, I think, and uh and hopefully it'll continue to support your story getting it out there.

SPEAKER_04 14:24

And the other thing, the reason why I bang the drum about it so much is because I'm a sneaky bastard, and if no one's watching me, I'd probably cheat.

SPEAKER_02 14:30

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 14:31

But if I put a spotlight on me, I know everyone's waiting for me to fall off the wagon, so I won't. So it it kind of it helps me out.

SPEAKER_07 14:38

Ever had any times where you've wobbled or not really.

SPEAKER_04 14:41

I mean, the one thing you can't replace is that rar factor when you're pissed. Yeah, and sometimes I think to myself, oh, just just just one more time, just to get hammered with my mates and have a leary one, it'd be great, but I know where it'll take me in the toworth itself.

SPEAKER_07 14:57

Yeah, absolutely. So a massive, massive part of the act, and something that shines out to everybody is how proud you are of the black country. Yeah, um, so you're from Wednesbury? Yeah. Um person in from Wednesbury. Fryer Park.

SPEAKER_04 15:16

Fryer Park. You can give me a lift arm if you want.

SPEAKER_07 15:21

It's how Chris is it from Church. We had a good experience there with Chris at Churchill's. Yeah, yeah, never going back there then. No, yeah, going back to we did we did the first the first show of this tour was at Churchill's in Wednesbury because I wanted I wanted him to have a Wednesbury gig, um, and Churchill's was the only place. But um never again. Well, 20 20 past set the show was meant to start at eight. At half past eight, the bar was still going round the corner, wasn't he? So I tried to block the bar queue off. And he he didn't like that at all. So, how dare you fucking close my bar? And I was carrying my camera. I I came into the dressing room at half time and he and it and he was in there with Johnny telling him off about me. Who's that bastard with the camera?

SPEAKER_04 16:07

Oh, yeah, having it, Johnny. It's my gaff. I'm telling you now, I'll stop the bar when I'll stop the bar. And I'm like, I don't give a shit, like it's nothing to do with me. And then just as Wayne's Wayne's come walking in, as he's complaining about Wayne, and he's going, here he is with his fucking camera. And uh and it was just Agra for now, name really.

Live Song: No Woman, No Sky

SPEAKER_07 16:35

And he's only about this big, yeah. He was on a step and he was still the same size as you when he went and I walked in. So they say that to me, here he is with his fucking camera every single fucking show now. Um but that's if anyone's wondering, because we do get comments going why why don't you do Wednesday anymore? That's that's why. Blame Chris at Churchill's, and this is on camera, so you can fuck off, Chris. Um and you still owe me£28, you cunt. Um still owes me£28. I've just remembered. Hope you're enjoying the episode so far. I just wanted to take a quick break just to let you know that we've launched a Patreon for the podcast for just five pounds a month. You can get early access to all the episodes seven days before they're released. You'd also get access to the full unedited versions of the episode, so you'll get the warm-up at the start from me, you'll get the full stand-up set from the comedian, and you'll get the whole conversation in full unedited. So um two new episodes per month, up to four hours of footage. Um, you'll also be able to submit questions that we can ask on stage. So it's a really great deal. Just five pounds a month. If you do want to subscribe, that's available on patreon.com slash funny beepod. That's patreon.com slash funny beepod. Cheers, thanks. Um but it's it's been great to so we we've done loads of shows in and around the Black Country, and it's great, it's great for me as a promotion of the tour manager to see the the warmth that you get back from the people. So you're obviously proud of Black Country, but there's so many other people out there who are as well. And do you think you've tapped into so we've obviously got the flag and everything in Black Country Day? You've tapped into you've become the face of it, I guess.

Taking The Show Nationwide

SPEAKER_04 18:25

Yeah, I I I I don't think it was a conscious thing, really. It was just everyone kept saying it was that black country thing, so I kind of embraced it, but I don't just bang on about grey peas and bacon for an hour. I'll talk about you know relationships and kids and parents and the stuff all the other comics got talk about. I've just got a slightly different accent, so people like label you with it, but I'm very proud to be labelled with it. I don't give a shit. It's a lovely little story, and it's happened to me. I saw reaching chicken down and KFC. I was turning for the drawing a blank, I was sat imagining and having a wonderful time. Yeah, could be just the winch for me off in the black hole Staring at the window, she was watching the cars. I'm wondering if it's like a scratch on the other wheel. I fear she might be thinking it in somebody pop. But just chopping me cannot give me a quick run through before. Yeah, could be just the wench for me. I found love in the black corn shape And my last relationship was a bit like all them road works on Bantry Island. It won't be seen worth it. And if I'd ever let y'all go, it'll break me, but now I just don't know. I got a couple of jokes and I love yaw in fits. All I ask of ya is now play with your feelings. I know sure I could make you dead happy. I know you're my time too much makeup and trappy. You make it on a pocket, but I've only one wish. Sure, I've seen her face before I'm plenty of fish. So I know you're single. I pretend to be single. Don't really care just as long as you be your split now. Yakup be just the wench for me. I found love in the black country's boy for Navasy Oh yeah young but I'm drawing a scare but I did Yakuba just the wench for me.

SPEAKER_07 21:37

I found love in the black country I found love in the black country much and we've had to we've the challenge we've had in it is we've had to go to places like like Brighton and Bathware last week and he was shitting himself about Brighton just like properly uh but standing ovation from the old roof.

SPEAKER_04 22:09

I couldn't believe how well it went down in Brighton. Like because I was I was absolutely bricking it. Because I spent a bit of time in Brighton and it's a bit woke down there, innit? They're very no progressive and and and because my my stuff's very stake and chips kind of humour. I just thought they're gonna wait me here. And uh and they didn't. Yeah, fantastic. Yeah, but that's that that's not done me any favours, really, because you're gonna get us going to the arse end of fucking everywhere now.

SPEAKER_07 22:40

You can't go any further than Brighton unless we end up in uh we end up in France. If it if it works in Brighton, it'll work anywhere. Oh shit. We're in London next week, next Monday at the comedy store, yeah. So um but yeah, it's been because from my point of view, I always thought it would travel and you were more doubting, weren't you? I think in terms of because you you've you didn't you haven't really done the circuit, have you? Like we had Scott on this afternoon who's somebody who's been doing the circuit and gone through. But you took a bit of a different route, didn't you, into it?

Writing Process And Song Ideas

SPEAKER_04 23:08

Because I never really wanted to do it. I I was I was uh I developed it for the pub gigs I was doing, so it was it was just to make the drinkers laughing. The pubs I was already gigging in, doing the covers and that. So the comedy circuits had never really crossed my mind, and then I tried to get into something, no one had given me a gig. So um I thought fuck yeah, and I just carried on doing the the pubs, and then I started getting like corporate work, like after dinner stuff, like the exports when they wheel out an old boxer and he tells his war stories, and then I'll do 20 minutes at the end. And so I went straight on to doing that and and kind of cut out all that comedy club stuff, yeah. And I'm quite happy with it really because it's a bit clicky in that, isn't it? It can be, yeah. It's an horrible scene. They're all smart to your faces, all these comics, right? But they're caught fucking. I don't care. No, it's true. I did the glee club in the early days, right? This is a true story. I did a glee club, and it's the only time I'd ever gone and done it as a slot, and I was a new face, and everyone was lovely to me. When I turned up, absolutely lovely, they couldn't do enough for me. It was coffees, it was this, that and the other, and then I went on and I smashed it, and I come off stage, and no fucker talked to me the rest of the night, and it was really kind of like cold. Yeah. And I thought, well, fuck this, then I'll go back to the pub.

SPEAKER_07 24:23

So you did. So we did but no, but then twice you filled the main room with the glean off yeah. Yeah. So it must be satisfying that to you. Yeah, it's nice, yeah. To uh yeah, and it's been uh so tell us a bit about um how the songs, you know, where do you get the ideas for the songs from and how do how does that process work in terms of writing them?

Audience Q&A And The Plane Flask Tale

SPEAKER_04 24:43

Er it really they're all different, really. Each one's come from a different place. Sometimes I'll I'll I'll come up with something nice on a guitar and I'll write something to it. Sometimes I'll learn how to play a song that I really like and I learn to play it that well, I think I might as well just change the words and make this into a comedy song. Um and then I mean uh fat face that I do uh I do a uh Faith cover, um at George Markle's You Gotta Have Faith, but I do it 'cause you got a fat face. And uh you've heard it. Um but um uh I was working in an office and a kid came past me and went because you got a fair day and walked off literally just said that. Yeah, and I thought that's alright, I've got to I can just fill the gaps for that. And then no woman now score. A chap come up to me in a pub and wins me, says, I've got one for ya. Blout leaves his missus, text her amount, no woman now score. I thought, yeah, I can just fill the gaps in on that one. That's that's yeah, yeah. So I cheat is the answer, I think. No way, no ways. I remember when I used to sit in a council flat in Wainsbury I used to flick through 500 channels of shit for me when she'd make a tie and then she found out I'd been naughty Oh what a thing to do It's not enough to jab you and leave me But you took the remote with you No woman now Sky No woman now Sky No gold no sky sports One two or three No woman now Skyrim Hunting round for days Digging down the side of the setting No remote no happiness In fact all that I could find was two pennies a pen top and some spaghetti And then I text ya to see if ya got it She just replied Fuck you If I knew where you was I'd come and grab it Cause all I'm left now is preview shit No mamma in the sky No woman of Sky No come Sky Sports No Mam in the Skyfuck Man Fuck the Friday Shiftu Mall Fuck Talk Mall So very much Has anyone got any questions at this point for Michael at the front hang on let the micro microphone come.

SPEAKER_07 28:54

Oh Eddie's I've caught Eddie unawares, he's eating a flake, I think, at this uh I've gone earlier into the crowd than we normally do. I know, I know. So because I can ask him anything, but we can go on all night, but I'd like to give you guys the opportunity um if there's anyone that wants to. So we've got Michael down here, Eddie on the front row, the other side. Sorry, you're gonna have to run around. Cheer him on, guys, as he comes around. Here he comes. Come on, Ed. Come on, Ed. Sorry, Mick. Question from Mick on the front row.

SPEAKER_05 29:26

I'll cut Is it is the story about the flask on the airplane true?

SPEAKER_04 29:31

Yeah, oh mate, yeah. You're gonna make me tell it now. So when I was working for Tui, I picked up a few tips about flying, right? And I because I was always on my own, so uh I'd uh because I'm tighter than cramp, so I'd normally go into the hotel and get myself some of the all-inclusive, put it in a bit of Tupperware, and I'd always take a flask of coffee because I won't pay the money on the plane. The second thing I always do is always get on the plane last, ask to go to the toilet, listen for everyone to sit down, and then I come out. And if there's a better seat than the one that's supposed to be mine, I'll sit in it, right? So who's gonna ask, right? So I did my regular thing. I went in the toilet and I sat there and I waited for everyone to sit down. And when I I felt everyone had sat down, I emerged from the toilet and I saw where I was supposed to be sat was between two fat wenches, and I thought, nah. I thought, nah, there's gotta be something better than that. And then I clocked the fire escape door, uh, the the extra leg room window seat was available, I thought I'll have that. So I slipped in there, and the trolley dolly's seen me do it, and she's come over and she said, Look, I don't mind you sitting here. She said, But do you mind doing the emergency thing if it all goes tits up? And I I had a bit of a flirt with her, I said I've got bit of a hero on me, actually. I've come to the right bloke, you know what I mean? And she said, But I'm gonna have to move your bag from there because it's a fire escape. I said, No problem. And she said, No, I'll have to put it in the one over the other side because this one's full. I said, No problem. So she's put the bag in the other on the other side. But somewhere between me sitting in that seat and her moving my bag into this overhead compartment, the top's come off my flask. Right? And then we had an half-hour delay while it was emptying in this overhead compartment. And then uh I was flicking through Facebook and that, none the wiser, and then we took off. And as the plane hit about 300 miles an hour and went like that. Everyone on that side of the plane started screaming, and it was coming through every fucking light switch and vent and everything from from from row 12 to the back. And it was it was a flight into Manchester as well, so we had all these scouses in the velo tracksuits and the curlers and there was Babbies odd covered fucking everybody up, and uh, and I don't know if you've ever been on a flight taking off when people start screaming, but that means you start screaming as well. Like everyone was screaming, right? It was absolutely pandemonium, and then it levelled out, and the trolley dollies come out and rush to the aid of these screaming passengers, and um and I've seen a woman put some flowers in this overhead thing, and I'm thinking, stupid cat. I bet they should I bet there's water in them flowers. My bags up there. And then uh, oh yeah, the trolley dolly goes, Smells like coffee. And something inside me just went bang! I thought shit. And sure enough, she's pulled the bag out in front of the old plane and it's dripping from the bottom. And she said, Is this any? But now I had to stand up in front of everyone and go, yeah, I think that might be more in like do you know what I mean? So I offered to buy a drink for anyone who'd been affected by it. 137 pounds that 137 pounds that round cost me. So we're trying to be trying to save a bit of money by taking a flask on. So um, yeah, and I I just pretended to be asleep for four hours because I was that embarrassed. And there was a little old wench sat next to me, and about an hour into the floor, she went, Are you okay? So, yeah, it was true, and it was horrific. And there's nothing that can happen to me on stage that'll be any embarrassing more embarrassing than that was. So, yeah, it was true.

SPEAKER_07 33:20

Anybody else got a question in the audience? Got one over there, Eddie, please. Gentleman in the white t-shirt. Yeah, let's space them as far apart as we can, the questions and uh yes, sir.

SPEAKER_06 33:37

Are you Johnny? Um I just want to know where your t-shirt, I think it's Boston. Do you do you do your merch or uh Well, do you know what, mate?

SPEAKER_04 33:47

I've got no clean clothes at the minute. And I haven't had for about three months. Since since we've been on the road, I'd just literally grab a merch t-shirt everywhere we go. And um and they're all right, are they?

SPEAKER_06 33:59

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 34:00

I'd buy that to be honest, we've shifting a few of them. You've got one if you want one. He's a comic himself, eh?

SPEAKER_07 34:10

So a lot a lot of them are cartoony designs. That's a that's a photograph. But yeah, we've got like um Black Country Seven Dwarves and Black Country Lion King, and there's a Johnny Cole logo. So is there's an online shop, sir, if you're interested.

SPEAKER_04 34:25

Get the loss.

SPEAKER_07 34:28

But yeah, they're good, aren't they?

unknown 34:30

Yeah, no.

SPEAKER_07 34:31

We've done really well with the merch to be fair. It was a bit slow kind of taking off, but like we did nearly a grand last night in Broilieal on merch. Sorry to brag like, but uh that's what you could have had, Chris. You fucking wanker. Um let it drop. Oh well. I didn't even know it was coming out. Anyone else? Uh got one over there directly behind you, Eddie, please. With the um t shirt sales, Johnny. Are you on the stock market? Say again. Are you on the stock market?

SPEAKER_01 35:04

Stock market.

SPEAKER_07 35:07

I'm the stock market. You're the bank manager, aren't you?

SPEAKER_01 35:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 35:10

Fucking he's not, is he? I spoke to him about three years ago at Katie Beach, and he said he was a bank manager. Stand up, mate, you were the top knot.

SPEAKER_04 35:19

He don't look like a bank manager.

SPEAKER_07 35:20

Does he look like a bank manager to you?

SPEAKER_04 35:22

He looks like he's just been thrown out of old bacon.

SPEAKER_07 35:30

Did you say stock market? Yeah. Yeah, no, we're not on there. It's not not part of our plans. Very serious question. I don't know how to make it funny, but there's no plans to there's no plans to float on the stock exchange. It ties in with your job as a bank manager, so I do kind of believe, you know. Um bizarly. There's a guy behind there, and John Slim, I think. No, oh hang on, sorry, there's another guy here.

SPEAKER_01 35:50

You're right, Johnny. I do, mate. Alright, um two questions. Where do you think's the poshiest part of the black country? And where do you think the border finishes?

SPEAKER_07 36:01

Don't get involved with her. We're politely declining the second question, thank you.

Health Scare And Hospital Comedy

SPEAKER_04 36:08

Um where's the poshiest place in the black country? Fucking hell. Well, everything's relative, eh? You know what I mean? I I suppose you've got nice parts of Gorn layer. There's a posh end of Wednesbury. Yeah, there's definitely a posh end of Wensbury. Uh it's Afroya Park. I don't know, man. I think that the mount the the beautiful thing about the black country is it's a massive shithole, but it's but it's our shithole. And I and I and I, you know, it's uh it's got a it's got an urban, rugged beauty of bearing.

SPEAKER_07 36:59

That's one for the tourist board that we're taking that tomorrow. Yeah, we won't you don't answer the second one.

SPEAKER_04 37:06

Well the board, I I don't know, I was the honest answer. I'm shit at geography or like you tell me, mate. I don't know. I don't know. Wolverhampton is the big arguing stumbling block, I think. And uh I don't care.

SPEAKER_07 37:21

My understanding is it was Wolverhampton, Warsaw, West Brom and Dudley, but as I say, when we put that video at Wolverhampton's a big grey area, apparently. Clearly you disagree.

SPEAKER_04 37:31

I think Wolves fans would say it's definitely black country, and people who are Wolves fans will say it though.

SPEAKER_07 37:39

West Brom side, yeah, maybe. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 37:43

It's not Birmingham City, isn't it?

SPEAKER_07 37:48

Whose baggies? What in this room or what you want everybody to answer? Head count. Put your hands up if your baggies nobody. Uh one person. Westam Forever blowing bubbles. West Hamlequin.

SPEAKER_04 38:20

This is looking trench now, eh?

SPEAKER_07 38:22

This is descending into uh was that an official question, who's baggies? That was your question. You're asking if we're baggies. Oh you're asking if he's baggies. No. Um don't answer. Stairbridge.

SPEAKER_04 38:46

When it comes to the football, I try to stay in potent.

SPEAKER_07 38:55

We do uh genuinely we get asked that a lot on the social media. We had a guy in Manchester, didn't we? Who repeated when we went to do the frog and bucket, he was like, I'm gonna be on the front row, my baggies stop. Is he baggies? Is he baggies? Like but it was was it you or is he no it wasn't you, was he? It was uh he was obsessed with it, but um my advice to him has always been to stay because I just think it would just divide his fan base if they knew he was one of them. Not that he is his stowbridge, obviously, but um and I think we'll just leave that.

SPEAKER_04 39:23

We was offered a gig at the baggies, were we?

SPEAKER_07 39:25

Yeah, but we got we got we we got approached to do a a stadium gig at the Hawthorns, um which I mean immediately started thinking it would be like fucking cold play this and then and then uh and then she said she sent me a picture and it was a small stage on the pitch with a little tent over it and about four people in the stand, and I was like, this isn't really for us, actually. Um so yeah, we politely declined that. But we have we have been asked what to do. What's probably Albion Hawthorns? Um so we might do. In the future, I mean if it grows, who we could we could disturb? Well we'll well it's a bit close to these guys there. We will do stairbridge Katrina's face. Fucking hell, you ain't doing no chance. Uh John Slim at the back, have you got a question?

Britain’s Got Talent? No Thanks

SPEAKER_00 40:20

I have a nice one, Johnny. Love it. Um does that guy who inspired No Woman, No Cry actually realize that he did that on that night when you bumped into him in the pub?

SPEAKER_04 40:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:35

Brilliant.

SPEAKER_04 40:36

Yeah, he does, and he every time I see him, I need royalties off you out. Yeah. He's my marry dad.

SPEAKER_00 40:45

Could I could I also ask? Doing the gigs around the country where you weren't sure if it would translate, have you had any uncomfortable moments like down in Brighton or Manchester or wherever?

SPEAKER_04 40:58

Nah, because I'll tell you why, mate, everybody's um there's been a pocket of black country folk everywhere that's given me enough to kind of well the first the first gig we did was really out of town, was Manchester, and I was shitting it. And I said to him, I said, Do you want to do half hour before me? He said, Fuck off. He said, He said, You're on your own. He said, No, I ain't going out there. I thought, shit, it's just not gonna travel, it's not gonna travel, it's not gonna travel, and I went out and I said, I don't suppose anyone else is black country in here, and half the room went, Pelcel, tip to and all these. So it was it might made it much more comfortable for me. Other than that, I tone down the accent a little bit. I tend to say she more than her a lot. Um I don't say wench as often because some places find it offensive, believe it or not. Um, but that's more about communication than because if they can't understand the the the gags, it's there's it's just pointless. So I have to I have to tone it down a little bit. But generally, it's just been because I think a lot of it is it's it's a working class kind of vibe, and you get that in Manchester and you get that in Liverpool, and I was more nervous about going down south. Um, but like I say, when when Brighton worked, it was like, oh crap, I've got no excuse now, we've got to go everywhere. Um but nothing nothing awkward, mate. No, just everyone's been so friendly. I've I've been really lucky, mate, to be honest.

SPEAKER_07 42:26

Yeah, it's been great.

Touring Plans, Arenas, And Australia

SPEAKER_04 42:30

Listen, not only is it lovely to be here, I'm lucky to be here. Because I had a syndrome. There's three syllables in syndrome around here. I had a syndrome called Cordia Equina syndrome. Anyone ever heard of that? I'd never heard of it, and I've never been on an os in my life. What it is, it's when your spinal column collapses onto your central nervous system, cutting you in half from the waist down. I was paralyzed. I had to be rushed into the QE in Birmingham, which weren't all bad, you know. I learned to speak a bit of twat. But I was rushed in for emergency spinal surgery, and it was a very, very scary situation. Mostly because I've never been to hospital before, I've never been ill before. I don't know the jargon, you know. They said we're gonna get you a cafeteria. I thought that's nice, I thought it was a posh coffee. It ain't it ain't a posh coffee. What it is, it's an hose pipe, right? That they want to stick down you and then in flight. Right? And what happens medically is when you see this hose, your penis, in a last ditch attempt to get out of you, tries to disguise itself as a bollock. It goes, fuck. And it's only then when the surgeon says, We've got a few students in today. Do you mind if they come and observe? He said, What do you mean, observe? There's fuck all left to look at, mate. True story, he starts his conversation, right? He starts his conversation with if you do walk again, he said, if you do walk again, you might have erectile dysfunction, you might have bell dysfunction, and then he moved on to the next bed like it was nothing. And the nurse comes over with a cup of tea, she went, You alright? I said, Not really. That bloke over there just said, next time I'm naked with a wench, I'm more like there's a shit on it than anything else. I was think I had my prostate checked, right, by a plethora of gentlemen over a six-week period. Oh, they all had a goo, right? And the last one who did it, they even say he was gonna do it. Just mid-conversation, lifting my leg up, bang! And then for a laugh, the nurse comes in afterwards, she went, Who was that?

SPEAKER_07 45:26

Bastards. Something we get asked a lot on the socials, Johnny. I know we've we've discussed it because we've had to discuss it. Um, gets thrown about a lot on TikTok. You should go on Britain's Got Talent.

SPEAKER_04 45:37

Never.

SPEAKER_07 45:37

Should go on Britain's Got Talent.

SPEAKER_04 45:38

So we get that repeatedly million years. Didn't a dancing dog win that once? Britain's got tossers, mate. No, I wouldn't I wouldn't do it. And I'll tell you for why, I've got nothing against the the contestants on these programmes. I really haven't. But the machine behind these programmes, they just they just take everything you've got, they they make what they can out of your act, and they give you absolutely nothing back. My mate Jenny Jones, you might remember Jenny, she was on the on The Voice, and she had a pub in Cradley, and uh and she put on on uh on a chalkboard outside her own pub a couple of months after, as seen on The Voice tonight, Jenny Jones. And someone got in touch with her and said, You gotta take that off there, you can't use the the voice thing like legally, she'll get done for putting a chalkboard outside her own pub, and that's what I mean. They'll they'll they'll they'll take everything you got to offer, but they give you very little back. And um the only the only reason I'd ever go on to any of those shows was to give them both barrels face to face and then look because I think it's it's just a it's it's a rip-off machine. And we've had mates that have done the comedy circuit that have been on there, they're still doing the same gigs, it don't get you on, does it?

SPEAKER_07 46:51

It's a it's a tricky one for me. Uh I completely agree with your stance, but I do think that you could do very, very well on it as well. The same if you think about the way the show works in terms of two, three minute sections for you know, heat, semi-final, final, the songs that you've got, you could do really, really well.

SPEAKER_04 47:06

But yeah, but we're selling out national rights show.

SPEAKER_07 47:09

Yeah, we don't have to do it. So it's like and also as you say, you know, people like Delee Sochapon, the Lost Voice Guy, Steve all did fantastically well on it, but haven't been able to get anywhere near the kind of level you do.

SPEAKER_04 47:21

They want to know about you and that.

Amsterdam Bridge Kiss And Wrap-Up

SPEAKER_07 47:22

Oh god, I've spoken to some of them who've been on it and they they've changed their sets. So like when you get to semi-final and final, they ask to see what you want to say, and then they'll come back and go, You should try this joke, or why don't you take that out? And it just won't work with you. You can't do that with songs, can you?

SPEAKER_04 47:37

And also, it's what's the prize to play for the royal family? Yeah, they can buy a fucking ticket.

SPEAKER_07 47:48

Richard Aston. They can come and see you in Wolverhampton at the uh civic. And if they won that posh box, they can pay extra. So but they're bombard they're bombard you, don't they? Every year they'll get to well, more than every year. We've had about twelve in the last from producers going, do you want to but what what's what's uh decided it for me was I got exactly the same email that they'd sent you asking me to go on then. It was like word for word, yeah, yeah. Apart from changing the name and I thought it and paste it.

SPEAKER_04 48:17

And also, there's still in when they get in touch with me, they can see my reply from last year. Yeah, which is pretty much saying I'd draw the shit in my hands and clap. I think I think you just say just read what I said last year.

SPEAKER_07 48:31

He says pretty much that he's ever replied. He said I'd rather shit in my hands and clap. And so so yeah, I got exactly the same email. So no off throwing him off the scent. You can look forward to seeing me on the next series of Britain's Got Talent Land and just no matter joking. Um but it's weird, isn't it, with the with the way that we've done it. You don't you haven't needed TV, have you? Like the world's changed really in terms of if you go back 30 odd years ago, you'd have to be on Live at the Apollo or Mott the Week and you tore off the back of that, whereas you've just bypassed that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 49:02

Any interest in TV at all or no, because we look the way I've I mean I've said it to you I know off stage so many times, I've already won, man. As far as I'm concerned, like we went out I did this for pubs to keep the you know, for a bit of beer money and and and just to just to muck about with my mates. So the fact that we've done like 31,000 tickets on this tour and it's changed my life, I can't really ask for anything more than that now. Do you know what I mean? I've I've already I've already won. So anything we do now is just a bit of an adventure and a giggle and and and when it's all over I shall just disappear.

SPEAKER_07 49:38

Yeah, well to Spain, probably, aren't you? Spend a lot of time in Spain.

SPEAKER_04 49:42

I like I like going where it's hot, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 49:45

And uh can you review it might be going to Australia in January and February?

SPEAKER_04 49:49

Yeah, apparently so. We've um we've got an army of yam yams in Australia, and uh so we're we're gonna go into the the Perth Fringe Festival.

Radio Memories And Closing CTA

SPEAKER_07 49:59

Perth Fringe World, yeah, hopefully, yeah. We're just waiting to hear back. So um yeah, and big big tour extension next year, which we're currently currently working on. Talking to um it's exclusive for you guys. We're talking to the Birmingham Arena, so the tour next year might finish at BP Resorts World or somewhere like that. So that'll be a challenge to uh so um but that's the because it was meant to finish at the Civic this year, but we've had we're getting so many people every day come on. I've just seen this guy, I've just discovered him that um the seaside towns keep telling you know, people like Devon and Cornwall, Torquay, all that kind of place, great Yarmouth, Western Super Mayor. So we've got to try and do all those next year because again there's probably loads of black country people who've moved to there, and so we've got rats say where we get everywhere, all over the shop, yeah. Yeah, there won't be many places we haven't been by the time uh so he's he'll still be on tour with Armagoden in 2042, probably, and just uh with his walking stick dragging him back out. So uh but uh so one story I wanted to share actually. We we went to um we went to Amsterdam in February um before this tour started. No, it's not it's not that it's not that it's nothing to do with that, it's quite uh we went to Amsterdam with our families. We went to Amsterdam before the tour started this year in March for like a weekend, and uh we went on one of them boat trips that you get you go on around the canal and stuff, and um so we got a tour guide on this boat, and we got to this bridge, we're going to this bridge, and we were sitting like this, but there was a woman in between us who Johnny had taken with him. Saying and uh so we got this tour guide, and he goes, we go, go, we were approaching this bridge, and he goes, uh, legend has it. And that's as far as I'm gonna go with the Dutch accent because it goes into Indian after that, and I'm not gonna uh but he but he goes, Legend has it, any couple that passes under this bridge will stay together forever. Right? And at this point, this woman who is sitting in between us, she puckered up and closed her eyes, waiting for a kiss from Johnny. And it was at this point that he completely oblivious to it, he went, Come over here then, Wayne, come on. And I've often I've often wondered throughout my life, because I'm a very heterosexual man, I've often wondered what what it would take for me to uh move over to the other side, and it it turns out it's 30% of a very lucrative tour, so um so we we're kissed and we've been together ever since. I've never told him that. That's uh I mean that's probably going in my set. That is the response that's got that's true though, it is true. So but it's uh it's been it's been great. Has anyone got any more questions before we we wrap it up? We've got one question on the front for we ever go back on the radio.

SPEAKER_04 53:13

I really miss the radio. Um and the probably yeah, I do really miss the radio minus the vodka. Minus the vodka. Um yeah, the only the only thing was with the radio, it was just I I had to be in the same place every day at the same time, it was early starts, it was um but through the lockdown and everything, it was the it kept me going the radio. I was on 100 quid a week and um through all the whole lockdown doing the radio and and I managed to survive on that. And uh it's just crap money, and you and you always have got to be in one place. So when I started doing more gigging in the evenings and late nights and stuff like that, I just couldn't keep it going like physically. Um but in answer to I'd love to do the radio again. Yeah, I miss I miss you a lot, like phoning me up every morning asking me for a bit of ABBA.

SPEAKER_05 54:07

Alright, Johnny, alright, Bab.

SPEAKER_04 54:11

No, you never asked for ABBA. Yeah, we used to, yeah. We did we do you know what? We had some comedy gold come through. We used to I used to put I used to have a uh a section called uh Poetry Corner, and I'd put out the two fuss lines of a limerick and invite the listeners to finish it off, right? And the best one we had, I think was yours, and it said, and I said, There was a woman from Cradley Heath who went to the dentist with her teeth, right? And I think it was it was either you or one of the I can't remember, but someone came in and said there was a woman from Cradley Heath who went to the dentist with the teeth, but in a fit of depravity, he filled the wrong cavity, and now he's got a son called Keith.

SPEAKER_07 55:04

Genius. Genius. I don't think we're gonna top that, so I think we'll uh I think we'll uh we'll wrap it up there. Thank you. It's been an absolute pleasure. Um two great shows today, and I'm really I'm really proud of you as much as anything else because we've been on the journey for a long time, and long may it continue. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up, Mr. Johnny Cole. We really hope you enjoyed it. Please help us to spread the word and tell your friends about it. If you'd like to be in the studio audience for a future show, you can book tickets at www.funnybeusiness.co.uk slash live pod. That's funnybeusiness.co.uk slash live pod. Why should you be in the audience instead of watching it on here? I hear you say, well, just have a listen to this.

SPEAKER_05 55:56

Uh well, I can't make a podcast. I mean it really can't make the podcast. Yeah, this can't make the podcast, but uh put it into this. And do you know what? Now that I've said that, this doesn't make it podcast.

SPEAKER_07 56:15

So, as you can imagine, there's loads that we say on that stage that doesn't get anywhere near the podcast. So it is really worth your while coming along and seeing it live. So, for the last time, if you do want to book tickets to come and see us and come and join us on It's a Funny Business and Experience It Live as it's happening. Get your tickets at funnybusiness.co.ukslash live pod. Thanks again for joining us, and we hope to see you again soon. Cheers, see you later.