Lesson 7. Balance: Twilight

Welcome back to The TimeSmith. I’m glad you’re here. If you’ve been following along, you’ll know that in our last lesson, we confronted darkness—not just as something to fear or run from, but as something to step into with awareness, intention, and truth.

Today’s lesson is balance. If there’s darkness, what counters it? Light—not just its opposite, but its remedy. This episode explores the deep mental and spiritual spaces we avoid, the loneliness we don’t admit, and the experiences that feel too personal or too painful to say out loud.

We step into the forge once again—the place where transformation happens. Yes, it might resemble a dungeon. It might feel cold, empty. But I’ve learned not to fear loneliness. I don’t have to fill every space. And maybe neither do you.

We talk about how we cope, how we process trauma, and how we live through what we don't always understand. I share a personal, spiritual experience—one I’ve held onto for years—about a night in my youth when I felt an invisible force torment me. The kind of experience that makes you question what’s real, what’s imagined, and what’s spiritual. That night, I learned something about balance. About the name that breaks darkness. About calling out light in the dark, not just hoping it shows up.

This episode is about what it means to confront what’s broken in us without running. To speak honestly about trauma and still reach toward wholeness. It's also about not staying in those dark places forever. I don’t share these stories to be dramatic. I share them because someone out there might be going through something similar, and they need to know: you’re not alone.

We dive into what it means to not just memorize truth but to live it. To stop hiding the most shameful parts of ourselves and instead, extract the lessons that can free us—and maybe even free someone else.

You’ll also hear me speak about why I stopped trusting people at a young age. Why I started writing to God. And why, even now, I believe those memories were not just for me. They were lessons, not just wounds.

So if you’ve been in a season of struggle, questioning your worth, or stuck in cycles you can’t seem to break—this episode is for you. If you’ve ever sat in your room in the dark wondering if anyone sees you, hears you, or understands—this episode is for you. And if you’re someone who wants to understand the mind, trauma, or healing at a deeper level—this is your forge too.

Balance isn’t about perfection. It’s about presence. It’s about acknowledging both the shadows and the light—and choosing, intentionally, to walk toward the light when darkness feels overwhelming.

Next episode, we’ll talk about identity. So if that topic speaks to you, come prepared. Research it, think about it, and bring your questions. I’ll bring my truth.

Until then—if you feel lost, know you can be found. If you feel unloved, know you are loved.

God bless you.

I am The Timesmith.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:10

ever been lost in your thoughts? Randomness? A thought pops into your head and you don't know where it came from. Many times it's your past. Things that have happened that have not let you go. Why have they hung on? Let's talk about that. Hi, I'm the Timesmith, and welcome back. I hope you had time to listen to the last lesson, darkness. Not sure how many of you took that lesson, if it was something that you processed and chewed on. Darkness is a funny thing, as we are told to shy away from it, or get away from it, not get into it. But I had to dive into that. in order to find out the truth about what's happening within myself. I didn't want to just leave it as that. I had to tie up some loose ends. So in order to do that, we have to talk about balance. For those of you who have come back and listened, first of all, thank you. And I do hope that you're getting something out of it. I've tried really hard to get this message out. Contacting as many people as possible and getting on social media so that people can come and take a listen. But the route that I'm taking, I know even trying to explain this, is something that people don't process openly. Anything that has to do with the mind is another reason why people shy away from. I'm not looking to unlock or gain access to anyone. What I am trying to do is give you the keys to unlock yourselves, to gain access to the darkest parts of yourself, The things that keep you stuck. So how do we get unstuck? Well, we have to dive in. Today's lesson is balance. If there's darkness, then what's the balance to darkness? I would say it's the light, not just the opposite, but actually what counters the darkness. Let's step into the forge. What do you see when you step into the forge? I think when I step in here, I think of something that looks like a dungeon. Sometimes it's dark. Sometimes it's cold. Even though there's furniture and doors and door frames, it does feel a little empty at times. Emptiness and loneliness doesn't scare me. I don't always have to fill these spaces. Loneliness is something that people shy away from.

SPEAKER_01: 3:07

Hmm.

SPEAKER_00: 3:08

Shying away. That's a word that keeps popping up. Why? Because we become apprehensive. We don't rush in. Yes, there's that thought that people say a fool rushes in. If you've never been in before, then yes, I understand that you would say you cannot rush in. I move around in here freely. Again, like I said in my last lesson, I've bumped myself on the shin. I've tripped. I've hurt myself. And what exactly does it look like when we hurt ourselves? That could be anything. It could be making mistakes. It could be coping. It could be the way that we deal with this life. But those things don't always bring balance. Sometimes what it does is it brings, it brings problems of its own. We might think we know the outcome of what is to come, but no, we do not know the outcome. If we've never experienced a certain situation, then all we can do is guess. Yes, many times people read books to say, I do know what's supposed to happen based on theory. There's very few books out there that talk about the brokenness of a mind, PTSD, and trauma. I have linked a book in the link tree I have, and it'll show you a little bit more about the way the mind works. More on the medical side. Again, I'm not a doctor. But the information is there so that we can process. Going back to balance, what exactly does that look like? This is more about the thought and the steps I took to find that balance. To not spend too much time just in the darkness, just to spend time in the darkness. But also, you could spend so much time reading. And I am a Bible reader. And one of the things I challenge those that read the Bible is not just to memorize, though memorizing is good. It's good for training, to put something good into your mind. But also, I challenge you to try to live one verse. We can learn so much, but none of that matters if we can't live it. So the balance. Let's go to that. So what is the balance? A few weeks ago, I was talking about when I was writing. I guess I would say a few lessons ago. When I would write, I would normally address it to God. I would address it to someone who I thought was listening. I had completely given up on people at a very young age. I think I had already given up by the age of 15. Not sure exactly where that lands with you, but maybe you're in your 20s, 30s, 40s, and you're just starting to give up on people. Well, I did it when I was 15. I didn't really care about what people thought anymore. I didn't think that they had the right motives. Those that wanted to help, those that wanted to push me forward, or as they said, I always felt like it was something for them. Now, one of the things that I was taught at a young age is that I should not get tired in doing good. Doing good, that's a difficult one. Why? Because I spent a lot of time in the darkness. So it's not just being down in the lower floors. It was more of a mindset that the only things I was looking for in this space was the darkness. That if I did find something that was of light, I shied away from it thinking that I understood it all. Somewhat arrogant. There are situations though, that when you step into the light, you might not entirely like what you see. not saying that you might find darkness in those light in the light moments but i'm just saying that when the truth hits you it doesn't always settle so let's go down and let's check i do like visiting memories more than anything the memories allow me to see if i've mastered a situation again as i was saying we have to learn to live it if you overcome one situation That's not to say you can overcome everything. But when you're young, you might want to overcome talking back. You might want to overcome cussing. Well, that's not where life ends. Then you get hit with things that get a little more severe. Addiction and coping. Darkness. The things that scare us. Well, I do want to share something about this darkness and the light. Somewhere around 17 or 18. So let's find that door. And as we walk down the hall, we still continue to see many doors. It seems as though this hallway just goes on forever. And I'm not sure exactly what you feel when you walk through these halls. If you feel at peace or if you feel uneasy. But yes, even at times, I feel uneasy myself. Well, here's the door. Let's step in. one night I had finally gotten my car and I was driving home and usually I would see a neighbor outside he was about my age so he would be hanging out late and I would wave at him by this time I was already going to church and our youth night would end kind of late we'd go to eat at a Carl's Jr. and after that I'd just drive home Well, I walk up to my room and I thought about what was spoken. There was a lot of things I didn't tell the leaders there or the people there. They just kind of seen me as a person that had broken away from, and I'll mention this for the first time, here, gangs, as you know, drugs, anger. And I found myself around kids, teenagers my age, But there was a lot of stuff that I didn't talk to them about. I didn't talk to them about my mindset. I didn't talk to them about what I was dealing with. I would just go there and sing their songs and sit down and listen, observe, take it in. Well, that's what I would think about when I'd get home. Around that time, there was really no one waiting up for me. So I just shut the light off and I'd sit in the dark. Yes, the door was closed and My bed, it didn't have a bed frame. I just kind of put the box frame on the ground and threw my mattress over it. I liked it kind of low. Had a small TV in there. And I remember it vividly. I would always close the closet door. And I have talked about the monsters in the closet. Well, I closed the closet, kind of walked around my room a little bit, just pacing, thinking. What does everything really mean when I go outside? and the things that they talk about, the future that I wanted, the mistakes I've made. Even at that age, 17, I was already extremely overwhelmed with the decisions I had to make to better my life. I felt that if I made one decision, it could be catastrophic. At times, I felt that if I made a mistake, that it could be fatal. I'm not sure how many of you had that thought when you were young, but I was definitely one of those who thought to myself, I will never live to see 18. I have a few stories about that and I'll share them on another lesson. But it was something that was very vivid and alive. The evidence that showed me it is possible and not just a thought. I took it very serious. Well, I finally sit down on my bed, silence, nothing. I changed my clothes out and got into something a little more appropriate to go to sleep. I laid there, put my hands behind my head and looked up into the ceiling. I've always been one that imagines pictures on the ceiling connecting. And at the time we had a textured ceiling that I would make faces out of and designs and think and let my mind wander. I didn't really need too much TV. My mind was good enough. And I began to fade and fall asleep. And just then I was awoken by a laugh. I didn't jump up, but it startled me. And it sounded like my neighbor that was still outside laughing. And I kind of peeked out the window, but there was no one there. Didn't really know if I was awake or if I was asleep. But this was something very usual that I had dealt with since I was a child. This hidden torment. I had never been equipped for this. I did grow up in a Christian home, and my mother had taught me words in Spanish. And at the time, I would pray, La sangre de Cristo tiene poder, which translates into, The blood of Jesus has power. So, that's what I said. But it didn't stop. The laughing continued again and I kept looking. It sounded exactly like my neighbor. But I went to lay down and put my head back down on the pillow and put my hands behind my head and I closed my eyes. I wasn't extremely startled at that moment. Again, I just lay down and closed my eyes. I'm not sure how long I was asleep and how real this moment was. But just then, I felt something grab me, and it slid me from my bed to the closet in a most abrupt way, and I tried to grab onto the closet. I could not grasp it, and it threw me back to the bed, again grabbing myself onto the bed, but I had no control. I knew I was equipped, but as it thrusted me once more to the closet, I yelled, and the only thing I could yell was, the blood of Jesus has power. And it dropped me. I looked around and I didn't know if I was awake or if I was asleep. There was a certain fear, as you would imagine, not knowing if it really happened or if it didn't happen. I just sat there kind of confused. But I was on the ground. So I picked myself up from the ground and put myself back in the bed. And I began to pray. Let's take a step out real quick. Remember that, you know, these are memories. This is something that I'm just sharing and it's not happening to me at the moment. But what it's doing, it's reminding me of the balance of the darkness and the light. I share this because I feel that there might be someone who has experienced this. And as I've said before, you might be listening because you're interested to know about the mind of brokenness. But there might be someone that's actually dealing with this. It's tormenting. It's hard to escape. You get stuck. And even those moments after the next day, you can continue to think about it. You can be at work and still thinking about it and not want to share it with anybody because you don't want to seem like you're weird. And I'm taking a huge chance here showing people exactly the things that I've been through from the trauma and what it's grown into just for the sake of trying to get someone unstuck. So what do you feel when you see that? When you look into this room, right, what do you do? Do you sit there in fear? Does it make you freeze? Do you have sympathy for someone who's been through that? I've heard that plenty of times to say, I cannot believe you've been through that, Timesmith. Yeah, well, That's my life. And those are the things that have tormented me. So what's the balance to that? You know that the balance to that was that quick prayer. It was claiming the blood of Jesus. That's what the balance was to the darkness. To make it all stop. So we might not all believe that that's what makes these moments stop. But that doesn't change the fact that it made it stop. And I'm not entirely sure of your methods. And if they work. Again. These are the methods that worked for me. That I've seen work in others. Just the way I've talked about writing. This is something else. That the balance to the darkness. Isn't just hoping that there's light in us. But calling that light out. In the darkness. That's the balance. Are you in darkness? And if you are. Are you okay? Again, grab my hand and why don't we just walk up the stairs? Don't look back. That's something we have to remember is that we have to push ourselves for what's ahead and forget what is behind us. Why I haven't forgotten all these things. I pray daily and ask God. But I think he's chosen to help me to remember and not just remember but to grab the lessons from these memories that I could pass them on. What was the lesson here? Don't just sit in the darkness. Call out the light in that darkness. Exposing the truth is what will set you free. We don't always want to see that. And believe me when I tell you, I don't want to be telling everybody about some of these experiences. Sometimes they're embarrassing and they're a little shameful. It makes me feel that I'm not normal, that I'm not like everyone else. And I'm not looking for confirmation for those who have experienced it so that I don't have to feel like I'm not like everyone else. I just say that. Well, we're back in the forge. You know, I was thinking about the next lesson. Many times I could talk about these lessons for longer than the podcast that I put out. I do feel that I can go on about these matters longer than the time allotted. I just choose to cut them when I do. I was asked if I can talk about identity. So on our next lesson, that's what I'll be talking about. Identity. So you can do research on identity if you want. You can come prepared. And I'll give you my perspective on that. Again, If you feel lost, can be found. If you feel unloved, you are loved. God bless you. I am the Timesmith.