Lesson 8: Identity

Have you ever been lost in your thoughts? A random memory comes back and you’re not sure where it came from. Often, it’s your past—unfinished, unresolved, unspoken. In this episode of *The Time Smith*, we explore the deeper layers of **identity**: how it’s shaped, mislabeled, and ultimately reclaimed.
 
 Using vivid imagery of rooms, floors, and memory-laden hallways, The Time Smith invites you into the forge of his own mind—a place where chaos was once the norm, but order was created out of necessity. This episode is both a journey and an invitation to reflect on your own inner world.
 
 🛠️ In this episode:
 - What happens when our identity is shaped by insults, labels, or silence
 - Why journaling, structure, and principles are key to survival
 - A metaphorical walk through the “junk drawer” of the mind
 - How siblings, childhood nicknames, and isolation impact our self-worth
 - How faith, memory, and grace can rebuild what was nearly lost
 
 > “Maybe you believed the lie. Maybe you've been living in names that aren’t yours. But what do you say about yourself?”
 
 This isn’t just about the past—it’s about mastering the test, speaking with intention, and standing on something solid. Because identity is more than memory—it’s how you move forward.
 
 🪓 Step back into the forge. Find the door marked *identity*. Open it.
 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:10

Have you ever been lost in your thoughts? Randomness? A thought pops into your head and you don't know where it came from. Many times it's your past. Things that have happened that have not let you go. Why have they hung on? Let's talk about that. Welcome to Timesmith and welcome back. I hope you had time to listen to the last lesson, Twilight. It's about balance. But let's move on. I was asked if I can speak about identity. And so it did take me some time to find that within myself and let those thoughts come to me. But let's enter the forge. When we look around, what do we see? Many times I've started these lessons with the counter, the staircase, the elevator, couch, the coldness in the room, pictures on the wall. Ultimately, this is who I am. This is my makeup. When my mind was a mess and I began to think there was no stability within myself, that I can gather any information, which felt that I had no information. It was extremely hard to find. Some of us have a junk drawer at home, possibly in the kitchen, which has everything from bills to letters and pencils and batteries. You know it's in there, but don't know exactly where it's at. But what would your house look like if every drawer was a junk drawer? Socks in the kitchen, Batteries in the bathroom. Bills in the living room. The house would be a mess. When I look inside myself, I don't see that anymore. But it was. And it was a huge mess. Everything was just being thrown in here. And I had to change that. I had to change that for the sake of survival. Again, as I said in my last lesson, I didn't feel that I'd lived past the age of 18. So I needed something to keep myself alive. And in this case, it wasn't oxygen and it wasn't food. It was consistency and stability. Outside of ourselves, we can respond with training that we've been taught by our parents, schools, or even work on how to properly act. So, we can become consistent in our workplace, in our schools, and in other settings. On top of it, manners comes into play. But we don't always have those manners for ourselves. Or the courtesy for ourselves. I don't want to steer too far from the topic. But it's identity. And really who you are. And who you are is how you act. Character. I was thinking of a couple sayings that I remember. But the first one being this. Helen Keller. You might have heard her. But her first words were this. I am not dumb now. She was treated as such for being blind and deaf, but she didn't have a way to learn until she found the proper teacher. You should read about her if you haven't. But she made a profound statement, which applies to all of us, that maybe at one point you were dumb, or even at another point you might have been blind. Maybe not the way she was, but blind to the things that are right in front of you, not noticing, not focusing, Well, that's the point, because everything is a mess. And that's why I choose to show you this. I was apprehensive, as I've explained, to share this, because it shows who I am. This is my identity. In my real life, those that are around me, many times I do get looks after I speak, a curiosity maybe. Or, where does this thought process begin, or how does he get there? I use all my life lessons. I don't like reliving moments. Again, that's suffering. But if I haven't mastered some of the easiest lessons, I will purposely allow myself to relive them again. Life will force you to relive them if you don't ace the test. If you go to school and you get a D, a 69, you will fail the class. If you get a 70, you might pass with a low C. Average. But average is not mastering. And I'm one of those individuals who not just wants to perform at the highest possible capability that I have, but knowing that I can. That's my identity. When I've stepped into this room or this forge, it was difficult because I couldn't move around. I was stuck, but not just stuck because I couldn't get out of my mind or out of my head, stuck because I didn't know where to go. with all the information that I had been given. When someone told me something as easy as hard work will pay off, I didn't understand where to place that principle. So what did I have to do? I had to learn about principles, knowing that those are foundational to our growth. So what does all this have to do with identity? Who are you and what are you made of? My dad used to show me a song or I would say my siblings and I a song And it was 16 tons. And there was a line in that song that said, I was made of muscle and blood. It really allowed me to see the toughness of who I am as a man, who we are as people. So as we go through life, we do pay attention or better yet said, I have paid attention to the things that try to define me. Songs, moods, those that I choose to have around me as friends and the way I process and think, wanting to associate with others. This whole thought process had left me feeling isolated because I hadn't found anyone that would think this way. I know I'm not the only one that was made this way. So how do you file your thoughts? How do you organize your thoughts? Where do you place them? Do you even keep them anywhere safe? Do you have a setup like mine? Is it this deep? Well, maybe you're just beginning to notice that you might need some organizing. So why don't we venture down and let's go down a little bit deeper and take the stairs. Let's just go to the second floor. And there's a memory that I have in here about identity. I think the first time I started to notice really about who I was was not necessarily who I told myself I was, but what others told me I am. Watch your step and hang on to the rail. As we pass the first floor, just take a look down the hall of memories, but let's go down a little bit further to the second floor. On the second floor, we find a door and this door is identity. I don't really like coming in here mainly because I've forgiven what's happened in this room. Now, if people want to grow past that, that's something different. But on my perspective, I no longer hold a grudge about this. And I did. Let's open this door. When I was younger, again, I'm the youngest of the siblings. I do have a younger sibling, my younger sister. But amongst the boys, I'm the youngest of boys in the large family. And in this room, what we see is me with my siblings. And being the younger brother, we take on the brunt of all the jokes. It didn't help out that I was short as a child. I had a big head, big teeth. I laughed at everything. It seemed like nothing really bothered me, but it did. Being called a short person when you're young minimizes you, makes you feel inadequate. The fact that I had The situation happened to me when we were young. We would use words such as, you're gay. Things that brothers tell each other. But they didn't know what had happened to me. Other names that siblings call each other are stupid and idiot. But one thing I never responded to was brother. I don't remember ever being called, hey brother, by my siblings. I was either called by my name or I was called one of the things I just mentioned. And we choose to believe that. And it's hard to just paint a picture because it was every moment. And that's how we grow up. Some can say, well, you needed to toughen up. I did. I did toughen up. I became a fighter as I got older and I became angry. I became silent and I stopped laughing. But when you're a child and you're seven and you're eight, nine, it's important that we don't listen to what people tell us that we are knowing that it's not right. Because what that comes with is a fight. Growing up, that's what life was, a fight. I would fight with my siblings. I would fight with people on the street, other kids, mainly because I didn't want to hear who they told me that I was. I knew who I was. That's influence. Siblings have a way of having influence over you. Let's step out of the room real quick and let's talk about something. I have children now. And one of the things I would tell my children, and this is a very easy example, was that when my children's room would be dirty, I would tell them something like this. For being a clean child, your room is rather dirty. I didn't want to come out and say, you're a pig, clean your room, because I was afraid that they might think that they're actually pigs, opposed to being clean children. That's what I'm trying to explain in this room, is that in this room, and if we just kind of step back in, we see siblings calling each other stupid. We see siblings calling each other gay. derogatory terms, things that put people down. Now, if you are those things, then you might not agree entirely with what I'm saying. But what I am saying is that I don't believe that I'm stupid. Helen Keller mentioned, I am not dumb now. There's things that I was that I no longer am. I used to be violent and I would tell myself I am violent. We all have names. And now I use the name Timesmith. I am the Timesmith. I am a welder. I am a writer. I am a podcaster. What are you? Are you stupid? I don't think you are. Are you lazy? I don't believe that either. It starts young, but we don't even notice when it starts. That's kind of why this room looks the way it does, that it really has no format or no layout because it's every moment it's every moment growing up but can you find the memory when someone finally told you hey you're pretty smart hey you look nice today something that encourages us to find out who we actually are our identity life has a funny way of making us feel that we are alone And wanting to show who we are isn't so easy. I think as I've gotten older, I find pieces of myself in other people. Variations of me, I see in people. We are not identical by any stretch of the imagination. But we do have similarities. I'm not big on judging. I do a lot of assessing. I look at things. I look at people. I wonder and I assess. I usually don't make any final judgments as I know that as long as you're alive, there could be a change that happens. Yes, there's times that I look at people and at the time, yes, they are currently violent. They're rude and they're crude. They're unloved and they respond to such. They've entirely accepted that that's who they are at the moment. Moving past that, they're going to need to accept that the design and who and what they are. I'm a firm believer that we are made in the image of God and that we have a design within ourselves that is predominantly love and kindness and goodness within ourselves. And that's not to minimize that we can be tough, hands-on, and that there's an aggressiveness within ourselves. The parts that we see in animals is the part I love about ourselves is that We have parts of those things within ourselves. So yes, I grew up fighting and I still like fighting, just not in the way that I used to. And yes, I have taught my children how to fight, how to keep their hands up, how to defend themselves. I come from that schooling. They reflect parts of me. So can you see a little bit clearer about who you are? Maybe you've believed the lie. Maybe you've gravitated to the words that others have said about you. But what do you say about yourself? Do you tell yourself that you're strong? Do you tell yourself that you're smart? What are you? Anyway, why don't we walk out? You know, before we go, look down this hall and there's rooms. Room after room after room. All of this was organized. because of who I am. One thing I know I am is complicated. It might bother people that I'm complicated, but it doesn't bother me. I know that this is who I am. Sometimes I have to learn to articulate that I don't complicate my conversations with people because I know that they can't take everything in that I'm saying. Sometimes my thoughts get ahead of my words. And I'm not able to translate everything I want to say. So I need to speak slow, not for you, but for myself. Let's go up. You know, there's memories in here. I always look down this hall. There's so many things here. So many lessons that I've learned that I want to share with you. Let's keep going back up to the forge. There's something up here in the forge that I've never really shared. And it's the ground. It's the flooring. It's foundational. I think that's what I want to talk about next. Foundation. Principles. Well, if you feel unloved, guess what? You are loved. If you're lost, you can be found. God bless you. I am the Timesmith.