Lesson 10: Confession

Have you ever been haunted by something you never said — something that lingered, waited, pressed into your chest until it could no longer be ignored? This episode is about that moment. It's about confession — not to shame, but to heal.

In this tenth lesson, The Time Smith walks you back into the forge — down the stairs, past memory, into the core of darkness — and reveals the moment he told his mother the truth about what had happened in his childhood. A secret kept for years, shaped by trauma, guilt, and fear, finally spoken aloud.

This isn’t a story about blame. It’s a story about courage, timing, and reclaiming your voice. The hardest part wasn’t what happened — it was watching someone you love carry pain that wasn’t theirs.

In this episode, you’ll hear:

• How unspoken trauma quietly shapes our lives
• Why confession is a key to healing, even if it’s years later
• The emotional weight of protecting others from your pain
• How to speak hard truths with love, and strength
• A reminder that telling the truth doesn’t make you weak — it makes you whole

“I confessed it to God. I confessed it to my wife. But most importantly — I confessed it to myself. And that’s where the healing began.”

If you’ve held back because you didn’t want to hurt someone... If your silence has protected others but punished you... If you’re afraid to speak because you think it’s too late...

This episode is for you.

And if no one’s told you today:
 You are loved. You can be found.

I am The Time Smith.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:10

Have you ever been lost in your thoughts? Randomness? A thought pops into your head and you don't know where it came from. Many times it's your past. Things that have happened that have not let you go. Why have they hung on? Let's talk about that. Hi, I'm the Time Smith and welcome back. I hope you had time to listen to the last lesson, Foundation. It's about how I built my life, the stones, the insults. Well, you'll have to listen to it for it to make sense. Please take the time to check it out. Well, today's a big day. Today is the 10th lesson. When I started this, I didn't think I would be able to get through even one. And little by little, I'm logging a library of this experience. And it's been my pleasure to be able to share my life with you. I hope that it's doing something for you, possibly where even you want to share parts of yourself. And I do have an idea for the future, but I'll save it. Today, I want to talk about something that wasn't easy and it's confession. It's about the things that we tell others, the things that we might even tell God, but a way to clear the air. I've talked about the fourth floor, the core, the situation, S-A, a situation that drastically changed my life. Just yesterday, well, whenever you listen to this, it's yesterday for me. I thought about how difficult it is to open up about any situation. But when something is hidden and you want to reveal it, there's a certain fear around that. I mean, when we're children, if we break something in the house, maybe playing ball or throwing something across the room and our parents come in and ask, or if my parent came in and asked, who did that? Maybe I'd be able to say, it was me, mom. But I know that on one occasion that did happen and I ran. I went to my room and I acted like it wasn't me who threw the ball. I'm not sure who got in trouble for it. But having to come back and tell my mom it was me who threw the ball, there was a certain fear because I knew I had lied and I knew I had done something I shouldn't have, which wasn't just lying. It was actually playing ball in the house. now i had to confess and that's embarrassing well i was asked when did you tell your parents and what did that look like so as we stand in the forge right now and we look around how does it feel does it still feel cold or are you beginning to feel the warmth in this place very few times it feels warm in here for me i think i like the cold but i do want to go down the fourth floor back to where the situation happened because this is actually really close to that situation what did i have to confess if it was done to me but that's what i want to talk about today so i look and i see the staircase hmm maybe we could just walk down and take it slow You know, as we walk down the first floor and we look down the halls and we continue, we see the second floor, just more doors, nothing in the hallway, dimly lit. But let's keep going down. This staircase continues to wind down. I know how long it took to build this spiral staircase. The third floor, we'll be here soon. Let's keep going. Well, the fourth floor. Yeah. The core of this darkness. But there's a door here and it's a few moments in one. You'd have to go back and listen to Lesson 3, The Lens of Suffering, to understand this one better. But let's walk up to the door. Let's open it. In this room, I was 19. Many years have gone by and I still hadn't told my parents. The only person I had told to this moment was my wife. We were married really young. At this point, we were already married. And I had told her that something happened to me when I was younger, except that I didn't tell her the full extent of it. But we were watching TV and we were sitting on the couch at my parents' house. My parents' house had a large island connected to the wall and the kitchen connected to a living room with the dining room on the other side of this wall. And we had one couch in there. We didn't always watch TV together, so it was plenty. But there was a show. It was called Intervention. And there was a lady on this show who had racked up a bill so high. And as I watched, I thought, wow. How could she have so much credit? Well, the other thing that jumped out to me is that they began to talk to her why she was spending all that money. Well, it came back down that she had experienced SSA and it was her father who had done it. I kind of tuned out and I dialed into what was happening on the show. And even though I was watching her, I couldn't help but place myself in the show. Something about what was happening to her began to affect me. Well, it stayed on my mind for a few days and I told my wife, I think I should tell my mom. And she said, really? I replied simply, yes, I think it's time. Well, she advised that I work it out and not just hit her with it since it had been so long. Well, I worked at it. I would buy books. I would study what kind of exercises are good to overcome this grief and trauma. I went to therapy and I talked to a doctor. I went to church. And sooner than I knew it, I was 24 years old. Five years had gone by and I was ready to tell my mother. For five years, I prepared myself. I studied and I wanted to learn to just be okay with it. Again, I'm not condoning it. It's one of the worst things that could happen to a person, to a child, to anyone who's alive. But I wanted to show her that I had beat it, that it didn't beat me. And in those five years, things happened to me that caused me to lash out, caused me to be angry, caused me to go into depression. As I worked through this, and many times I would come back and I would pray and ask God to help me. Even to the point that the guilt of the situation was so heavy on me that I asked for forgiveness for something that had been done to me, not really understanding that it wasn't my fault. But that's what this evil thing does. It makes you believe that you deserve the worst. So a part of that confession was also me understanding that I was willing to accept that something good can happen to me in my life. And I couldn't do that. because I didn't believe it. I didn't believe that anything good can come to me. Well, before I can go talk to my mother, I had to confess. And many times I had confessed that to God and I still had to go back and talk to my wife. Many times I would tell her I would buy her a house and buy her the car and do these things that would make her happy as a young bride. But how could I achieve any of that if I didn't believe that something good can happen to me. Well, I decided that I had to confess that. I finally began to speak that and write that. And when I started seeing those words on paper, I didn't like how that felt. It felt like there was a promise that I had that would never be fulfilled. And I confessed that. Who did I confess it to? Yes, you guessed it. I confessed it to God. I confessed it to my wife. And lastly, I confessed it to myself. And I accepted that something bad happened to me, but that it wasn't happening to me anymore. And I confess that I believe that something good can happen to me. And that's where the healing began. Now, how did I tell my mom? Well, I went up to my mom as she sat at the kitchen table, actually on the island. And she was by herself. And I said, Mom, yes, she said. Can I talk to you about something? Yeah, what's going on? And I said, I've been holding something from you. And in somewhat of a grief panic, she said, what? And she put down her fork. Tell me. And I said, do you remember so-and-so? And she said, yes, why? And she had a concerned look on her face, almost like she knew something. And I said, do you remember so-and-so's kids? Yes. Why? And I said, well, something happened with them. And she said, when? You saw them? I said, no. Something happened with them when I was young. Really? What are you telling me? Well, mom, I'm telling you that, well, that they did something to me. What did they do to you? Well, mom, before I tell you, I just want you to know that I'm okay now. I'm fine. Nothing's happening to me today. But when we were little, we went to their house and they took me up to their room and, well, I explained to her what had happened. And the look of anger and confusion and sadness rushed over her. And Yes, when I was a little boy, you could feel the hugs of your mother on your back when you wrap your arms around their legs, which is probably around the time and the height that I was at when it happened. But now I'm heading shoulders above my mother and my mother wanted to hug me as if I was still that little boy, but I wasn't. And I grabbed her by her shoulders and kind of just nudged her back a little bit. And I looked at her and I said, mom, I'm okay. I'm fine now. And I've been working on it. Working on what? Well, I've been hurting for a long time. And I feel a little bit better. And she couldn't get any words out of her mouth. But I just told her, Mom, I love you. And it's not your fault. It's done. Why don't we step out? We don't have to say much, but Why don't we just take the elevator and walk out? This moment was harder than all the suffering I experienced. To see my mom hurt, to see my mom take on all the suffering, it was challenging. Let me close that door. You can wait in the elevator. Just give me a minute. Yeah, it's our mom. I think maybe the question would be, how would you feel if you had to break news to her that something happened in the midst of a parent trying so hard to protect, not knowing that something happened? But it did. And I did my best not to hurt my mom. Let's go up. Let's just get off and maybe just take a minute here in the Forge. Why is it important to tell anybody about what happens? Involvement? People want to know who they are in your life. People want to know that they're important. And this didn't happen to my mother. But when I look back and see the type of mother she was, she was one of those that would try to keep me laughing. And she'd always tell me that I was a happy child. But as I've explained in the past, I always had those questions of what happened to you? But my mom told me that even before all this, when I was a toddler, she would tell me that I was strong, that I was like a lion, that I had the strength of a Buffalo. That I had eyes of an eagle. That I had wisdom. As a toddler, she spoke those words into me. Does life prepare us for what we're going to face? Could be. There's no mistake. We don't design ourselves. We are created with a purpose. Part of that purpose is confessing every step of the way. The good and the bad stuff. One of the things my mom would tell me, and I think this is why it hurt her. She would tell me, your victories are my victories and your defeats are my defeats. We are one in the same. What hurt me hurt her. That's confession. There's times of things that are happening to us that we must confess because it's hurting us. And when it hurts us, it hurts others. I mean, the Bible even says, cast your cares upon me for I care for you. And that's the thing. I also care for you. So you don't have to confess it to me, but you might have to confess it to someone. Do you still care? Is there something in you that needs to be said? Well, do it. before it's too late. Anyway, that's confession. Please remember, if you feel unloved, you are loved. And if you feel lost, you can be found. I am the Timesmith.