Tyler Arkens | Living Life With Purpose & For A Purpose

A coffee chat with Tyler Arkens... a deeply insightful human being who cares deeply about others, is authentically himself, and is on his own journey of self-reflection to grow into the best version of himself!

This podcast is in partnership with the Remember to Live Foundation, a non-profit charitable organization that sends Moms facing late-stage breast cancer on a family-vacation to create unforgettable memories.. Because sometimes remembering to live means taking the trip, making the memory, and spending precious time with those you love most. To learn more or support a family, visit us at remembertolivefoundation.org.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Today's Memento Viveri Project guest is truly one of my favorite people. As you'll see in here, he's one of those people you go out for a cup of coffee with, and four hours and six cups of coffee later, you finally leave. He's been a hugely influential inspiration for this podcast, as well as me starting the nonprofit Remember to Live Foundation. He and I both lost our first wives to horrible diseases, and we've each turned our own painful experiences into good. Tyler Arkansas is a walking dichotomy in the best way. And in a way only Tyler could be. He's the epitome of don't judge a book by its cover yet. What you see is exactly what you get. He's a big, added up, bearded motorcycle man. He's a fun, lovable movie guy. Who's deeply introspective and wise. He's carefree, always looking to have a good time. Who lives each day with intentionality. Tyler is authentically Tyler to his core. Enjoy our conversation about each of our own nonprofit organizations, what a great day looks like, how to stay focused, and living your purpose no matter what life throws your way. Or in fact, because life throws things your way. It is a long one, but every bit worth making it through. There are gems all the way to the end. Enjoy. I'm Cameron Tusky, and welcome to the Memento Vivere Project, the podcast that reminds you life is not something to survive. It's something to truly live. Here, we sit down with dream chasers, adventurers, entrepreneurs, and everyday people doing extraordinary things to uncover what it takes to leave comfort behind, overcome challenges, pursue what matters most, and remember to live. Whether you're searching for inspiration, courage, or a reminder to start living more intentionally, you're in the right place. This is the Memento Vivere project. Did you build these chairs?

SPEAKER_02 2:14

Oh no. They were built by somebody in like China. They're very fun. I like them. They're from the 70s, right out of Beth's grandmother's like basement. For yeah, they were like ordered in a Sears catalog.

SPEAKER_01 2:30

Like they're like a Sears, like they're they look so cool, like they're supposed to be made to look vintage, but they are vintage.

SPEAKER_02 2:37

They literally are vintage. Oh that. And that couch weighs probably 1200 pounds.

SPEAKER_01 2:42

Well, good thing it's in your workout studio. Do you ever pick it up?

SPEAKER_02 2:46

No. I try actually I actively try not to. I try not to pick up any sort of furniture or anything that like totes that are too heavy.

SPEAKER_01 2:55

That's why you made me carry my own tote in today? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:57

Okay. That's generally what I do.

SPEAKER_01 2:59

So you were on a streak of working out. Are you still going strong? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:04

What are you at? One. I think I'm at like 173 out of like 178. Okay. Because I missed five days.

SPEAKER_01 3:13

Yeah. That math checks out.

SPEAKER_02 3:16

Three of those days, I was violently ill. That's fair. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:21

Do you have a do you have a goal, an end goal, or is it just indefinite now?

SPEAKER_02 3:25

No, so I set the goal in this on December 1st. I was like, okay, you can't work out every day in December if you don't work out on December 1st. That's fair. And so I started working out in December. I made it the entire month. And then after that, I thought to myself, why can't I work out every day in 2026? Dang. I know. And then I mean I'm pretty, pretty close, like five days off. And like with a legitimate excuse because getting sick for three or four days, I liter well, yeah, I literally lost like 12 pounds. It was gross.

SPEAKER_01 3:59

So you kind of like were working out, but just in a different way. You were losing weight.

SPEAKER_02 4:04

It was not a sustainable weight loss plan. Um, yeah. So, but I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I mean, I see no reason. Like at this point, it's like part of like the five or six things, the non-negotiables that I do every single day.

SPEAKER_01 4:22

That's awesome. I need more non-negotiables in my days.

SPEAKER_02 4:25

You do need non-negotiables.

SPEAKER_01 4:26

I I I need more structure and consistency in non-negotiables. How did you figure your five or six out and how do you keep it consistent?

SPEAKER_02 4:35

Oh, uh, I didn't figure it out. So I've been seeing, well, like I've shared with you, I've been seeing a mental health counselor for the last three years. So when I started after we closed the shop and I started my job at Delta, like, you know, Beth was like, hey, you gotta pull your head out of your ass and like maybe get your maybe get your life together a little bit. And so I had been seeing a mental health counselor for a little while, like kind of like date, like, you know, soft dating, but now it's like consistent. And she gave me um five things that I needed to focus on. Okay. So sleep, nutrition, exercise. Well, four things. So I said five, but it's four.

SPEAKER_01 5:22

Five times better, but four is fine.

SPEAKER_02 5:23

Yeah, I know, four, yeah. So it was sleep, uh, nutrition, exercise, and connection. And then connection is broken down into three things with self, nature, and others. That's pretty phenomenal. Yeah, I know. So sleep. I went and got a sleep study done and was able to like figure out that I had sleep apnea, which was I mean, when you get diagnosed with sleep apnea, you're like, oh shit. Like, well, I was like super I don't know who's watching this, but I was like super fat at the time. And I was thinking about I was like, I was I was 389 pounds, like I was disgusting. Admittedly, did not feel well, like didn't look good. I carried it well because I'm 6'3, right? So I carried it pretty well with a decent amount of muscle. Uh, and then um I realized that I wasn't sleeping well, so I got a CPAP and went through that process. And then nutrition, I mean, that's like in and out, right? Like last night I crushed like four um cereal bars that Beth made. So, like, there's days where they're homemade though, so I guess. Like an inch of chocolate on the like the traditional church bar, like somebody took um cereal, like somebody took Cheerios and mixed it with marshmallows and peanut butter, and then put an inch of uh like dark chocolate on the table.

SPEAKER_01 6:43

Like a rice crispy treat treat meets Scotch Rube, but not just rice crispies, every cereal under the sun.

SPEAKER_02 6:48

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 6:48

What cereal is it? Is Cheerios? Honey nut Cheerios.

SPEAKER_02 6:52

So like it's like triple sweet.

SPEAKER_01 6:54

So put everything in balance in moderation.

SPEAKER_02 6:56

I guess. I would not I would not put myself in the category of somebody who is balanced or moderated. Okay. I live in the world of extremes.

SPEAKER_01 7:07

So hence our train to coffee's over here.

SPEAKER_02 7:12

Just quarter gallons of coffee after having coffee. Because I don't know about you, but I had coffee before this. I've had a few cups before this as well. I had a nitro cold brew from Quick Trips. Oh, did not? Yeah, I'm I'm over the moon. So there was uh sleep, got that figured out, nutrition really dialed that in, like focused on like eating way better. Exercise, and exercise has been something that's that's easy for me. Like, I don't hate working out. In fact, I love working out, like it's one of my favorite things to do. So adding that into my life is or like I guess like adding that back into my life as a non-negotiable, yeah. Like, I love being out here for an hour and a half. I could literally just like live in a gym. I mean, I probably should be doing that for a living, but I don't. So like I'll be out here and I'll work out, and that's the easiest part. And then connection was the one that like that one was the one that completely that's something that like we her and I work on on a regular basis.

SPEAKER_01 8:16

So you have self, nature, others, yeah. Self nature. Which one of the three is the hardest?

SPEAKER_02 8:21

Um, so uh self and others. So like somebody, so number one, you need to get to know yourself, first off, first and foremost, like understanding who you are, and that's all so. We're working through this process called uh integrated family systems, which has literally nothing to do with your actual family.

unknown 8:41

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 8:42

Sounds like a great title. Go on. I know, yeah. It's called IFS, and it's a it's a real thing, and it she's like she's certified in it or whatever. So integrated family systems is about understanding yourself, like your true self, who you say you are, your beliefs, your values, all of that stuff. And then there's parts. So we all have parts that make up um our total, like whole self. And some of those parts, there's no bad parts, but some of those parts are like firefighters. So they pop up when you're in like fight or flight, and they can be, they can, they can have negative and positive attributes, all right. So like a firefighter could protect you, or it could uh like let's say you're in an argument, right? And a firefighter pops up, and that's part of you, and it might not be the best part of you or the part that like you want people to see, but it's just a part that comes up based on how you were raised and a lot of variety of other things. There's um there's exiles, like things that you don't like you don't want to be. I'm like mine is like procrastinating and lazy and uh other other things like that. And then there's managers, and one of my managers is like over-analytical, like I overthink things, I over-explain things, and these different parts. So you identify these different parts in these categories, and then it helps you as your true self, like have be cognizant of them and then have conversate like conversations with them. So, like this just sounds super like I'm a like I'm a weirdo or a quack. Not at all, yeah. But like I'll like my last counseling session on Tuesday, like I spent an hour like having a conversation with part of myself, and it's like guided, like she's asking me these questions.

SPEAKER_01 10:26

You actually have to answer out loud to it to a different part of you. Oh, yeah. And then do you respond as that part then as well?

SPEAKER_02 10:33

Well, like, no, so like me, um I have a I've always had like an active imagination, so it's a pretty easy process for me to like separate and like see this other part of me and be like, God, I like I hate you, like, why do you do this? But like there are no bad parts, so you have to have this conversation with that part of you, and so it's relatively easy for me to go there, but I could see people who are like very much like stay away from it, and I stay away from it because I the process of self-exploration is terrifying to me based on a lot of stuff that I've I mean, a lot of things that we go through in our life, and we're obviously gonna talk about that today, but like there's parts of me, both negative and positive, that have helped me get to this point in my life, and not in a not in a good way, all of them, some of them in a really good way, but identifying those parts, how they interact with your true self. And this sounds like it's straight up like witch doctor shit, but guess what? It works. Well, I don't know if it works, but it's a process, yeah. It's a process, and it's been working, and I would say that I'm way better off over the last three years of working with um working with her than I was prior to that. Well, that's awesome. Yeah, nature, that one's easier for me because I love being outside. So, like walking the dogs every day, two and a half miles to four miles, but that fits into exercise and then also like just being outside. So when I go for a walk, no phone, literally no phone, no headphones, nothing. I look like an absolute psycho.

SPEAKER_01 12:06

One of those guys that walks through the airport with literally no carry-on bag, just like you're just getting on a plane, raw dogging it, and we got we got Tyler just out here walking in silence.

SPEAKER_02 12:14

Yeah, right. Like I look like I'm raw dogging life in today's society because most people you see who are out walking, right, they have headphones in or they're heads down in their phone. They're literally watching a video while they're walking, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And then others, that one's hard too because I mean, think of all of the interactions you have with other people in your house, right? Like as a parent, as a spouse, as a son, as a brother, as an employee, as the guy who gets pissed off at the person at the grocery store because they are writing a check.

unknown 12:48

Right?

SPEAKER_02 12:48

Like, or like you know that you know what I mean? Or like you're driving, like you're having all of these interactions with others, and like I'm pretty much, I mean, I'm I'm very much like uh that I'll get, I mean, I'll be the first person to like Snapchat somebody doing something stupid to somebody else and get a kick out of it.

SPEAKER_01 13:05

And then you catch yourself, you're like, that's not a good relationship with others right now.

SPEAKER_02 13:09

Is that part of I definitely don't catch myself? I I definitely don't sit there and say, like, wow, I should really change a better person right now. Yeah, and that's why it's third because I'm I'm working on the third bottom one of them. Yeah, that's the bottom. I'm working, I'm really working on myself. That's what I tell myself, and I'm really working on my relationship with others. Yeah, I can refer you to her if you need it.

SPEAKER_01 13:31

Um, but your relationship with others, so like when I hear that, it sounds more of like you know, getting together for a coffee with someone else or be have spending intentional time building a relationship, but it's really just with others, any other person that you come in contact throughout the day, whether it's the person at the grocery store, your wife, your kid, your neighbor who's got chainsaws on a Thursday morning here. Yeah, like all of it.

SPEAKER_02 13:52

Yes. Well, and then so to your point of like what you brought up, like getting coffee with other people, like going to the golf course, having time with the guys, like all of that stuff is like things that fill your cup that I I honestly and this goes back to the conversation we were having when we were setting all of this up, right? Like we were talking about being terrified of AI and having like an AI girlfriend and a robot and all of that stuff. Imagine, imagine not being able to connect with other human beings, right? Like, imagine not being able to help like just one person or like interact with your cloth the people that you are very close to, and people that you didn't think that you were gonna be close to, that all of a sudden now you're like you consider them like a dear friend, whether you see them once a month or six months or every six years, and it's like you pick up right where you left off. Imagine not having that at all. Yeah, because you either close yourself off because you're just working on yourself, or you stay in your own like family nucleus, which I think a lot of people do, especially older. I like I mean, I'm in my early 40s, okay? Your late 30s, yep.

SPEAKER_01 15:03

Okay, so like I'm mid 30s, thank you very much right now.

SPEAKER_02 15:05

Mid 30s?

SPEAKER_01 15:06

Yeah, yeah. This morning, Megan asked me, you know, I guess you're turning 38, right? Right? No, I'm turning 37, thank you very much. So I'm 36. So I'm like just above mid-30s. Right.

SPEAKER_02 15:15

Well, you're just to clarify you're closer to 40 than you are. Okay, piss off. Yeah. So like imagine I I think about that a lot because I mean, I'll so I'll we'll get into this as well. But like thinking about so the golf outing is coming up. The people that I'm golfing with, I might see them once a year or every three years, but like we're gonna hit the course and it's gonna be like we live together in college, it's gonna be just like we were back in the house that we lived in. And that's like real connection because you find your people, but that's a process that I don't think a lot of people like I don't think a lot of people I don't want to sound like the old man who's like in today's society. I don't think I don't think a lot of people expose themselves to that. I look at Lily, she's 18. She would rather just like sit in her bedroom on her phone, Snapchatting, watching reels and TikToks.

SPEAKER_01 16:09

I was at a high school basketball game this past winter, and I was on the other side of the court from the student section. The student section is supposed to be like this rowdy having a good time, some robbery with all your your classmates and your friends, you're watching your friends. There were hundreds of them. 99% of them were looking down at their phone. Yep, probably snapshotting each other rather than just hanging out with each other.

SPEAKER_02 16:34

Oh, yeah. Have you seen the um uh there was this like short clip going on when LeBron James passed like the 40,000 points? Yes, and Phil Knight was sitting there watching the moment happening, and everyone else had their phone, everybody else was on their phone. Yep, or like when we went to the Hardy concert, how many people were just like with their phone filming the concert?

SPEAKER_01 16:58

Are you ever gonna watch that concert again?

SPEAKER_02 16:59

No, absolutely not.

SPEAKER_01 17:00

And if you send 48 snaps of the concert, you are blacklisted.

SPEAKER_02 17:05

Yeah, I'll send like one or two. I know like I get caught into that. I mean, I'll put I'll do a video where like mostly I'm taking like videos of like AJ or you, like because that's hilarious. But like I'll get into that where I I have to like consciously like check, like I gotta be like just be here. Yeah, I paid for this ticket to be here. I want to be here. I want people to I want to have a conversation about it after. Like, we should talk about this over coffee in a week, how awesome it was. Now you've got that kind of compound effect of actually making a connect, like connecting connecting with people. It's easy to talk about with you because I mean we're we're kind of like cut from the same cloth when it comes to that kind of stuff. But think of how many times you have to catch yourself in those moments.

SPEAKER_01 17:52

Yeah, a lot. And I think you there's that fine line too of you want to document it so you can remember it. But isn't there a different, deeper memory if you are just 100% present and you remember it? And like there's this fear of maybe I'll forget it at some point. I want to document it. Well, so it's like a fine line.

SPEAKER_02 18:13

Yeah, where does it go though once you video it or take a picture of it?

SPEAKER_01 18:16

In the black hole that you never remember is even there either.

SPEAKER_02 18:18

Yeah, the 65,000 pictures that I have in my eye in my iCloud storage that I continuously pay more and more every month to never look at, they just keep looking billy me. It started off at like 1099, and now it's like I pay probably $25 a month for storage. But it, you know, think about this like Bracken's nine, right? Just turn 10. Okay, so he's 10. You're taking all of those pictures. What did your parents do with pictures?

SPEAKER_01 18:43

Printed them, and now they're sitting in a tote in the basement.

SPEAKER_02 18:45

Okay, but when you open that tote, that's a thing.

SPEAKER_01 18:49

You can at least look through it, cyph, cipher through it.

SPEAKER_02 18:52

How many times are you gonna log back in and go back into your phone? Yeah, like Lily's graduation party last year. There's a totes of pictures from when uh Lauren was like obsessed with printing pictures. We got totes of them and we went through them, and that was obviously like waterworks, because I mean, like, we're looking at all of these pictures of baby Lily, super cute, really pudgy. Oh, Lily definitely brought it up when she was 18. But like you think about that, and I think of all the current pictures, like it was a pain in the dick to like go and print those pictures for her board. There were more pictures of her from like the first 11 years of her life that were printed than there were of her as a teenager because they're all on my phone. Yeah, now I could have put together a PowerPoint slideshow presentation and like thrown it up on the TV, but that's still different, and yeah, yeah. And I would have had to have done that the night before because you have that procrastination part of you. Yeah, yeah. The lazy procrastination part, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:52

Uh so you have these non-negotiables, the working out, the relationship with self, nature, others. How do you how do you make sure you check that off every single day?

SPEAKER_02 20:04

Well, at first at first, it was I had a book, a little I've ordered a $2 habit book, and like I would write down all my habits and I would check the box. So like for me, I really like well, I say I really like lists, but I very rarely create lists.

SPEAKER_01 20:21

The idea of lists is great though.

SPEAKER_02 20:23

It's really great idea. I'm so number one, I'm a big paperwork guy. I love paper. I I don't like digital things, so I like notebooks.

SPEAKER_01 20:32

There's the irony of your 65,000 digital pictures.

SPEAKER_02 20:34

I know, yeah. I like I like notebooks, I like taking notes. Like again, everybody out my work right now is doing like AI note takers, horrified of it. But like I'll take notes during meetings and I like paper. So I got this little book and I was like checking the box, and that really helped me for a time for like a little while. But honestly, like at this point, it's latherin's repeat.

SPEAKER_01 20:56

Like it's now become such a habit of yours that you don't even think about it.

SPEAKER_02 21:00

Just is I've literally created a lifestyle around it, and I'm really fortunate because my job allows me to create a lifestyle around that. I mean, like, I jokingly hopefully nobody from work ever watches this, but I jokingly say, like, I don't really do much during the day. Like, I know you don't do shit during the day, but like I'll say, like, well, I don't really like do much during the day. So, like, take this for what it is. Like, if you have a job and you have to get to work by like 8 a.m. and then you work in an office till 5 p.m., like that's a huge lift to create habits around that. Because guess what? I don't wake up at 5 a.m. I don't even wake up at 6 a.m. I very rarely am out of bed by 7 a.m. Some days it's like 8 30 because I don't have to be up because I work at night. And then after that, like I can kind of like slow roll into my day. I've literally through this job designed my life around, you know, intermittent fasting. So I don't eat until like 10 or 11. I have, I won't even, I I eat eight. Eggs every morning, and there's a lot of people who are like, That's disgusting.

SPEAKER_01 22:03

That is I was about to say impressive.

SPEAKER_02 22:05

It's not even that many calories.

SPEAKER_01 22:06

I'm not even talking about calories, I'm just talking about quantity. You have to buy it's to buy almost a dozen eggs a day.

SPEAKER_02 22:11

Yeah. Well, we buy them in the 50 packs from Costco.

SPEAKER_01 22:15

That's awesome.

SPEAKER_02 22:15

Yeah. So like I've like I've created my life around like so I practice intermittent fasting, so I don't eat anything until like 10, 11 o'clock. Um, if I have a meeting, it usually starts at like 9 a.m. and it's a call or like 10 a.m. And then I can have breakfast, then I take the dogs for a walk, then I come home and work for a little bit, then I get an afternoon lift in, and then I go to work. Like that's when I go to work. Like I'll leave the house at like 3:30, 4 o'clock, 4:30 to go to a class. And then I get home at like 9 or 10 o'clock. Like my my job and my lifestyle allows the uh that lifestyle allows me to like set up and kind of like ease in, like ease into the day. Now that cause like connection with others, right? That causes a lot of friction around my house because the other people that live in my house have a nine to five more structure in their powers. Yes, yeah. But even like, I mean, I owned a business for six years. Do you think I was like working out every day when I did that? No, I was I hated my like I didn't hate my life. I I was at my job every day. That's how I got to almost 400 pounds, right? Like, I think one of the things coming from somebody who's like set unattainable goals and like thought, like, oh, I'm gonna get up every day at 4:30, I'm gonna read a book, I'm gonna write for a little bit, then I'm gonna go work out, then I'm gonna get breakfast, then I'm gonna go to work. Like, that's a great, like, that's awesome, but that ain't that ain't for everybody. That's hard.

SPEAKER_01 23:42

Part of the lifestyle that you are building is also realistic.

SPEAKER_02 23:46

Way more realistic than it was. Like, I've procured a lifestyle and a job where I can kind of get away with that stuff. And I say like get away with that stuff because well I can, but I also okay, but I also work every weekend. Okay, so like I work Saturdays and Sundays, I'll leave the house at 6 a.m. So like I'm talking about during the week, like the five days during the week. And then there's been like weekend nights where I get home at eight o'clock at night or seven o'clock at night, and I'm like, oh at that point, I'm telling myself, you made the commitment that you were gonna work out every single day. No mat, like that's self-discipline. And and so there's a there's an element of that too. And then you like I slam a monster and I come out here and I squat at like nine o'clock at night. You know, like last week, I was I had an event in Milwaukee. Um, I had to leave the house at 5:30 in the morning, drive to Eagle, Wisconsin. My plan was to drive there, go to this event till one o'clock, drive to HQ or the mothership for a class that night. And I had like a three-hour window where I was gonna lift at HQ. Well, I got a flat tire, yeah, and then I had to change that out. And I had a decision to make at four o'clock. I was 45 minutes away from HQ or two hours away from home. And I made a commitment to go to this class, and I'm like, I'm gonna go to the class. Class went until eight, hour and a half drive home, 9:30 at night, took took my supplements, hit the gym at 10 o'clock, didn't get done until 11. Now I got to sleep in the next day because I didn't have any meetings or anything or any classes. Like, there's all of the like I feel like, and myself included, like I made so many excuses to not do things. You're looking at me like, oh, I know.

SPEAKER_01 25:33

I was about to say that about myself. I'm really good at allowing myself excuses of like I don't feel like it.

SPEAKER_02 25:39

Yeah, well, and that's where you need to like level set with super corporate word, right? Like, level set with yourself that like I made this commitment to myself and it makes me better. Yeah, right. Like getting eight hours of sleep makes me a better human. It makes me, it makes myself a better self, makes me a better partner, makes me a better dad, makes me a better employee. Getting decent food in my mouth instead of you know, the bars at night or like, you know, going out to eat or stuff like that, that makes me a better, it just makes me function better at a higher level. Exercising helps my brain like go through the mental gymnastics that my brain has to go through just to like operate every day. And then focus like thinking about how I'm connecting with other people. Like every good thing over the last three years has come out of me focusing on those four things.

SPEAKER_01 26:36

And each one of them has its own separate ripple effect on how it makes your day and you better.

SPEAKER_02 26:41

Yeah, and other and hopefully other people, right? Because if I'm my bet if I am working towards being my best self, which is never actually gonna happen, right? I mean, because I don't if you if you knew me, you wouldn't really like me. Um, like if I'm just working towards that, I'm not, and it's not like dragging other people along with me, it's other people seeing or not not even seeing me because I don't like that. I really don't like that thought. I don't like the thought process of people being like, oh, Tyler does this. I should be more like Tyler because you should not be more like me at all. I think in my home, like if I'm making like if I'm meal prepping and making high quality foods for the rest of the family, oh okay, like they're gonna eat that too. If they see me exercising or like I go for a walk with Beth and like get back in run club, and we go for like that's all that's all like elevating, you know. I so like you know, air quotes the uh everybody's like, Well, you're the sum of the five people you stay closest to. Yeah, there's uh definitely an element in that, you know. I they would cliches become cliches for a reason.

SPEAKER_01 27:52

There's some truth to them.

SPEAKER_02 27:54

Well, some, yeah. So and then that goes back to connecting, like connecting with self, uh, nature, and others. Yeah, yeah. I think it it's a giant flywheel, and the more momentum you create in one area, the more like it all moves together, and there's there's no such thing as balance.

SPEAKER_01 28:12

We're in the momentum wheel, and I think maybe this is where I kind of really first saw you diving really hard into this discipline and maybe health journey, if you will. But you you did 75 hard.

SPEAKER_02 28:24

I did, which is the silliest thing ever.

SPEAKER_01 28:27

But it's impressive, it's it that like it builds the ultimate discipline and not letting yourself off the hook in any sort of way for 75 straight days, which sets a pattern for habit building.

SPEAKER_02 28:38

Yeah, but like if you look at my life, I had done all like I had constantly been the person who like signed up for a challenge or like did a challenge. Oh, and I would make it like 10 days. Yeah, like I'm a I'm a I am a I'm not a practicing Catholic, but like I I should be practicing. I'm a Catholic, I'm not like a church going Catholic, but like Lent, right? Like 40 days of Lent. Oh, I think I made it through Lent like once or twice in the 42 years that I've been on this planet, and like the 75 hard thing was uh that was the furthest I'd ever gone in a challenge like that, where I did literally like I literally checked the boxes like every day in the app. I did it, I took pictures of myself, those are in the 65,000 pictures. Love it if you want to see them, email me. Um, but I'll be truthful, like I only made it 68 days because I got sick at the end, I got COVID at the end. Yeah, well, no, I made it like 73 days, 70, 71 days, but I was I was it was right before my 40th birthday, and I wanted to do something for myself, you know, and I went from that was when so like I had like casually lost weight, so I was like again, I was 389 pounds. I dumped like 30 pounds like pretty quick when I started this job, and then I was kind of like slowly chipping down, and then I got to like 310 pounds, and I was like, I want to be 260 on my birthday. July 11th is 75 days from my birthday. I'm starting and I'm gonna hit this goal. Well, I mean, I hit the goal, right? I got to 260, like famished after COVID. That was a big help. Yeah, and I ended up hitting that goal, and I think to your point, I think that really like that was something that really uh like set the cat like that catapulted me and to be like, okay, you did those five, like you did those set what whatever it is, yeah, like read five or six things every single day. I was like, you did that for 71 out of 75 days, and you would have done it for 75 days, but like that's where I started to develop those the those like non-negoti, like okay, why can't I why can't I do this every day? But uh to be fair, like 40 years prior to that, I hadn't done anything for more than 10 days in a row.

SPEAKER_01 31:02

Well, what do they say? The uh the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the second best time is right now.

SPEAKER_02 31:07

Right now, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:10

So there's my dissertation on discipline and that's impressive because I need I need more of that in my life. So surround myself with you and need more discipline.

SPEAKER_02 31:22

Do not do that. That would be the worst idea ever.

SPEAKER_01 31:24

Uh well, you you mentioned that you know we're we're cut from the same cloth in a lot of ways. And the first time that I I met you, well, prior to meeting you, I had many people be like, Oh, do you know Tyler Arkansas? You should meet Tyler. Tyler this, Tyler that, you should meet Tyler. Weird, no one ever said that to me about you. Well, I found you.

SPEAKER_03 31:47

I will find you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:49

Uh so we we ran into each other at uh Badger State, actually. Badger State Brewing. Yeah. Um, but the reason people were telling me that I should meet you was in the wake of my late wife's death and your late wife, both named Lauren, ironically. Yeah. Uh Lauren, my Lauren passed away November 20th of 2018. When was yours?

SPEAKER_02 32:10

April 18th of 2019.

SPEAKER_01 32:12

Okay, so yeah, so shortly after about six months. Yeah. Um, so yeah, we we ran into each other and maybe had a somewhat immediate connection on that. But when we met, I th I I looked at you, I was like, this guy's way cooler than me. He's never gonna want to be friends with me. Like, like just look at him. He looks like a Harley guy, all tatted up, big, burly, bearded. And then I find out he's a florist. Like, oh, I could totally be friends with that guy. Yeah, right. My dad's a florist. I think we have that connection too. So yeah, so now here we are, six or seven years later.

SPEAKER_02 32:44

Uh yeah, which is that is an interesting, like, that is interesting. Uh that, well, like everything happened obviously within six months, right? And there was a a third to this, right? Like, so Andy. Yep. And he, I don't know if he was the because Andy's wife died like the week before Lauren died. And so Andy and I had that connection, and then he's like, Oh, do you know Cameron? Oh, so someone did mention me to you. One person, this one. Uh, one person was like, Do you know Cameron Tesky? And I was like, No, I don't know him. And then what do you do when you hear somebody's name?

SPEAKER_01 33:18

Look him up, yeah. Creep on him.

SPEAKER_02 33:19

Yeah, so uh well, I creeped. So like you like go and you try and figure it out, and then I think, like you said, we met, we ended up meeting, but we already kind of knew each other when we met uh at Badger, and you know, from then it's been just like uh coffee, hangouts, beers on the beers lesser and lesser, unless it's like noon at Copper State, uh, and like long hangouts, but I mean it's not like we meet, I mean, it's not like we're meeting like twice a week or three weeks, it generally goes for like three to four hours where we're just talking about things. Um, and there's that the connection, right? Of losing a loved one, having kids. And then I think where we I will say this, where we mesh probably the most is I would, and we talked about this before the um Hardy concert with Megan, and she was like pulling her hair out. We're both like we we think we're both more visionary thinkers. Very much. Yeah, and I think both of us have a lot of goals and aspirations around taking our stories and turning them into something way bigger than us, yep. Um, and not even for the I'll use in the short term the legacy of the person that we lost, but also creating something for ourselves around the story of what we lived. Definitely, and I think like your the nonprofit that you started is um not just about your Lauren, but what your experience, and then also what was the best one of the best things that happened during that time was obviously that trip, and then sharing that with other people. Definitely, yeah. And so my so then you know, the nonprofit that I run um in the cystic fibrosis space was built on all of the shit, right? The stuff that we didn't like about living with CF, and then uh Lauren's legacy, right, from after her transplant till she passed in 2019. And then now it's more about um uh putting that community on a uh I I think pedestal is the wrong word, but putting that community giving that community the uh the voice that we know we can provide it, right? Whether it's through storytelling or sharing or creating a vehicle for helping like actual people. And I would say that the vision that we've both shared about our organizations is that it moves towards that with still the legacy component of what we understand related to the disease and the person in the experience.

SPEAKER_01 36:10

And in order for something like that that to grow, it needs to grow bigger than just you and your story. Oh, yeah. It needs to be about everything related to what what you're trying to accomplish there. And I think that's where where where my nonprofit, like yeah, Andy and I had talked about starting something like this Remember to Live Foundation that that ultimately I started a year ago or so. Um and I knew I knew that there was a possibility of being able to do it. I saw you start your you you have Breath of Life Foundation. I was like, oh, if Tyler can do it, I could probably do it too.

SPEAKER_02 36:43

Uh you definitely can because as I've shared with hundreds of people, mine complete accident, like total cluster accident. So keep it.

SPEAKER_01 36:54

No, that but like, so yeah, I mean, and and you and I have talked about it leading up to the official launch of Remember to Live, but yeah, I guess talk about the Breath of Life Foundation. What was this act, this happy little accident, as Bob Ross would say? Sure, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 37:06

Uh yeah, that's great. Yours is way more buttoned up already than mine was ever, still to this day. Um, so um I mean, I've shared this story a million times, but every single time I share it, I want to be very clear about uh because some people get like a little, they're like, Well, I mean, we we had more figured out than what you say. We really didn't. So it all started after Lauren's transplant. So Lauren, um, Lauren was born in 1984 with cystic fibrosis. Um, she essentially outkicked her coverage as far as living her life, because when she was born, the diagnosis, like the median age of people in the 80s with CF was like 13 years old. Wow. Yeah. So like born to die, right? Like more so like we're all gonna die, but like when you're a parent, so like Gerilyn and Dave, when they're sitting in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, and their daughter just had a bowel obstruction surgery. And oh, by the way, right? Like the mortality rate is super high, and your child will probably never graduate high school.

SPEAKER_01 38:10

Yeah, we're all gonna die, but we don't all have a finite number on that, and you 13 about.

SPEAKER_02 38:16

Yeah, like mid-teens, uh, as Gerilyn describes it. So um, different story. So, you know, Lauren was born, um, she she thrived. She lived a she lived a very productive life, uh, went to college, graduated high school, was a cross country runner, um, played basketball. You wouldn't have known, and like most CF patients, you generally don't know that they have CF unless they cough, which sounds like they've been smoking for 40 years, or um, or they like secretly take their pills before they eat, like they stealthily do it. Every single patient does it. It's uncanny.

SPEAKER_01 38:57

But to like CF is a lung, it affects the lungs, and then to have her be a cross-country runner, like I have pretty good lungs, and I don't want to be a cross-country runner. Like, that's impressive. Yeah. Did she do that out of spite or no?

SPEAKER_02 39:11

Like, so airway clear, so airway clearance can be done a variety of different ways. You can do your like prescribed airway clearance, which is now a vest that literally shakes and like makes them cough. Uh, you can do inhaled nebulizers, which um clear out the lungs, and you're encouraged to be physically active. Oh, right. Like uh, and so Lauren's parents were like, Oh, well, Dave was uh cross-country runner, played basketball. Lauren's brother, uh, football player, basketball player, like sports were part of their family. That was a non-negotiable. Like Lauren was gonna play sports, whether she was sick or had CF or not. Like, she was gonna do sports, she just liked running, and so that's what she did. And she even ran in college, she didn't run on a team or anything, but she would just go for runs and whatnot. So um, Lauren and I met in 2003, uh, freshman year of college, and we started dating. I had no idea what cystic fibrosis was, literally no clue. I'm 18 years old, and the first experience I the first time I had ever seen cystic fibrosis written out was on an article on my now brother-in-law, her brother's um refrigerator about Lauren. That was like a cut-out article, and I like skimmed the article because, well, I'm I don't like I didn't like reading then. Wasn't much of a student. Uh skimmed it and I was like, Oh, I don't know what CF is. Like, that sounds hard. Like, I didn't really know or think anything of it. Then I actually met Lauren and I was like, oh wow, she's hot. Like, maybe I could like maybe I should shoot my shot. And I ended up, we ended up dating. Like, we started dating.

SPEAKER_01 40:53

Someone said you outkicked your coverage too.

SPEAKER_02 40:55

I absolutely outkicked my coverage, like big time, big time. So, like, you know, we dated, and um, I remember the first this story is not X-rated, so like I'm just gonna be very, I'm gonna be very clear. Like, so in college, uh, we would go out and uh we would go to the bars, and it was like 2 30 in the morning. And my first like experience with CF was at the end of the night, I walked Lauren home from the bars and we went to her dorm room, and she did her airway clearance at three in the morning, which was like this stupid little tool called a flutter where you just like blow into it and a metal ball like bounces up and down in order to get you to cough. And that's what she did, and then she just like passed out and went to bed, like while I made her ramen and I slept in a papasan chair. Honest to God's story. That is honest to God's story, all right? Nothing happened at all, all right. That was the first experience I had with somebody who had CF. And I was like, man, like she did this at like three in the morning, and then the next morning, like uh we got up, we were gonna go to the calf and get breakfast. Before that, she did her airway clearance, took her pills, and did and it was like completely normal. Like that she just she's just like, yeah, this is just what I do, like twice a day, every day for a half an hour, an hour out of your life, like as a college. Every single day, every single day, twice a day. It was, and that was like my first experience with CF. So then naturally, right? Like, I started like asking, you know, like, oh, what's that? Like, how do you do that? Like, explain, like, walk me through this. And she started to share information about like CF and things like that. And um, as we started to get closer, right? Like, we started to be like we were, I mean, we were inseparable for like four years. We dated uh all throughout college. Like, I would start to go to visits, like she was seen in Milwaukee, and it was like her mom and dad, and like me and her, and we're like walking around children's hospital because even when Lauren was in college, CF was a pediatric disease. So the only thing because they didn't have anyone really growing up, they had some of them that were still like sitting in little chairs at uh the pulmonary center in Milwaukee at children's hospital.

SPEAKER_03 43:08

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 43:09

Yeah, so we would go to visits, and like I was I was a college football player, six foot three, 320 pounds, like sitting on a kid's chair, like learning as much as I can about cystic fibrosis. And um, like I just leaned in, like I got to know her doctors, I got to know her nursing staff, like I would be able to tell when she was gonna get sick before she got like literally like for four years, like starting to live this. And you know, we by you know, by senior year, we like knew we were gonna get I mean we knew we were gonna get married. We were had been together for three and a half years. We got engaged in December of 2006, and that was gonna be my life. Like that was I and the thing is is I didn't we never even talked about like how long she was gonna like we didn't talk about it, like it was just I'm gonna. Live forever. I'm gonna like we're gonna beat this. This is what it is. We would go to the cystic fibrosis foundation, like they would do events. There was always golf outings, there was all of this stuff. And Lauren was like the poster child in the Fox Valley for cystic fibrosis. So I was like meeting all of these people, like I was just a part of the community. It was just like, oh hey, Tyler's with hey, it's Lauren's boyfriend. We forgot his name, but like he's he's here. Yeah. And like we would uh she would speak at all of this stuff. She was insanely articulate. She would always talk about her experience, all of that stuff. And um, and everything was gonna like we were just everything was gonna be great, like we were just gonna live life, like we were gonna do our own things, we were gonna get jobs, like we were gonna go be professionals, all of that stuff. We were just gonna live our like totally normal life, right? And then um, and then Lily happened. So Lily was born uh in 2007. Uh so we graduated in 07, so do the math. Uh, she was born in July of 2007, and um we didn't even know if Lauren could get pregnant because I was just about to say how many cystic fibrosis patients get pregnant?

SPEAKER_01 45:19

Uh like if they don't even live that long on average, is that an uncommon occurrence?

SPEAKER_02 45:26

Now more do like now more than ever, there's ZF patients who are getting pregnant, there's CF patients who are going through the process of in vitro, like there's it's a it is a whole different side to the disease because it's no longer a PD, it's no longer a pediatric disease.

SPEAKER_01 45:44

But is it a genetic disease?

SPEAKER_02 45:47

Yes, it's uh um it's a deficient gene. Uh both of the mom and the dad. So like both of the mom and the dad have a um it's a recessive trait. So um it's a very it's rare, right? Uh so both the mom and the dad have to have the recessive trait. But like Dave and Gerilyn, Lauren's parents, they have the recessive trait, but her older brother Ryan doesn't have CF. So like it's crapshoot. Yep. I mean, I guess I guess I'm sure there's somebody way smarter than me who has figured it out and could probably like do the none numbers or the math, but they're way smarter than me. So um, so like Lily, Lily, I say jokingly, Lily happened. Uh she's probably one of the greatest things that ever happened to Lauren and I. Not probably. Come on, man. Yeah, she is. Yeah, she is. She's my favorite. So uh she was born in 07, and I guess any woman who's had a child that's gonna be listening to this knows like your body changes. Like there's women who like have straight hair and then have curly hair. There's women whose like feet get bigger, like your body changes in strange ways after you have a kid. Well, somebody with CF, guess what? Their body changes too. And so Lauren's disease changed quite a bit after Lily was born in 07. So, like uh caring for Lauren was uh was different, you know. Up until that point, it was, you know, like running, being able to go out, having a job, all of that stuff. But her body took her body, uh the pregnancy took a toll on her body post-pregnancy. She did really well while she was pregnant. And then above and beyond that, Lily was born with a heart condition. That's a different story. We'll talk about that later, I'm sure. Uh, and so we had to like advocate and pour into Lily, because Lily was having her uh her corrective um surgeries and other things. And Lauren would like, it was like a um, it was like the rubber band, right? So like uh Lauren would get sick, pull the rubber band back, and then she'd be able to bounce back. But over time it became harder for her to bounce back. So 2007, Lily was born. In 2011, Lauren got like really sick, like uncharted territory sick, like could not keep weight on. If you know anything about CF patients, they struggle to keep weight on because they're they have to consume so many calories, right? Like Lauren would eat like 6,000 calories a day. Most of those calories would come at night via a feeding tube, but then like um she she couldn't keep her weight up.

SPEAKER_01 48:30

Why do they need so many calories?

SPEAKER_02 48:32

Because their lungs are burning, uh so in order to just breathe with the mucus that grows on the lungs, they've just burned through more calories. Okay, right. So like your body is functioning at a higher level, there's more energy being used. So, you know, like a uh Olympic athlete, they need to take in so many calories to be able to be able to support the production that their their training is. Well, imagine having to take in 6,000 calories just to like wake up in the morning, right? Or like go to work or um take care of your kid.

SPEAKER_01 49:05

Not to be in Olympic shape, but to live life.

SPEAKER_02 49:07

Yeah, just literally just breathe, right? Like just to breathe and like function. And like there's there's days where like a CF patient like needs all of those calories just to like make it to the couch to watch TV to feel relatively normal. And 6,000 calories sounds like, oh my god, that would be amazing. I could eat whatever I wanted and be super skinny.

SPEAKER_01 49:26

But if you also don't feel well and trying to eat that much, yeah, imagine eating sure.

SPEAKER_02 49:30

Yeah, imagine eating McDonald's every meal every day. Yeah, I could do it for like a week without feeling like physically like garbage, right? So that's an element of things. And in 2011, Lauren got like really, really sick. And uh, so my story's getting disjointed, so I apologize. Prior to that, um many of the uh so the cystic fibrosis foundation, like the foundation of the trust me, we'll get if you're following along, this will all make sense. Okay. The so for Lauren's entire life, her family was advocating for CF patients through the cystic fibrosis foundation. So great stridewalk, uh, golf outings, other events, all of that money was being funneled towards the cystic fibrosis foundation. The Hartman Niscobiac family, I would venture to guess, has generated millions of dollars through 30 years of Lauren having CF. That's Lauren's family. Millions of dollars to the Wisconsin chapter of the cystic fibrosis foundation to make cystic fibrosis stand for cure found. I'm gonna circle back on that. All right, which is a super noble cause. I believe in it. I was part of that, like raising money. I still believe in it. I'm going to an event tonight for the foundation in Milwaukee. All of those things. So, where was I going with this? I've taken too many diversions.

SPEAKER_01 50:59

You were talking about the golf outing. Yep. So from 20, yep, so Lauren got sick in 2011.

SPEAKER_02 51:05

So from like 2010 to 2012, before Lauren got like really sick, we were actually a lot of the therapies that CF patients have now that help them live longer are um they're called uh CF like modulators. They're drugs that basically take that deficient gene and allow it to do its job. So with a CF patient, and I'm gonna go like this awkwardly. For a CF patient, particularly in the lungs and the pancreas, like if this is your lung, typically there's a um a specific cell that works through the lung, like my lungs, your lungs. This protein goes into the lung, outside of the lung, doing its job. I don't know what its exact job is. I'm sure there's gonna be it just what it's supposed to do. It just does what it's supposed to do, okay? I'm not a biologist. So the um the gene or the gene mutation doesn't allow that protein to pass through the cell wall of the lung. What it does is it hits the outside cell wall and it dies. And that creates the mucus that constricts the lungs and uh eventually leads to a CF patient either needing a double lung transplant to replace the lungs, which less than 5% of CF patients get. So that's your only cure, or the lungs end up not working, at which point somebody can't breathe and then they then they pass away. So, in like there was a drug pipeline that was being developed by the cystic fibrosis foundation and vertex pharmaceuticals. They've been in um, they've been, there's been a marriage there for a while, and so a lot of the money that gets raised goes towards vertex and the cystic fibrosis foundation, allowing people to get access to these new drugs, these modulators that allow that protein to go through the cellular wall. Again, chemistry science shit that like way above my pay grade or my knowledge level, and it's awesome stuff, right? But it's expensive, and you need to be able to fund these drugs. There are four, soon to be five. Well, in like 20 2009, 2010, 2011, Milwaukee was a site for um for uh I was not a test site, but a clinical trial site. And so we like we tried to get a part of those clinical trials because when you spend 25 years like fundraising for the cure, you want to get in on those drugs. Yeah, use a corporate word, yeah. You want to get in on the ground level so that you can get those drugs, right? And that they can help you feel healthier, right? Well, like the yo-yo of Lauren's health after having Lily, she couldn't stay healthy long enough to get into any of those clinical trials. So, with that said, we both kind of had a fist in our pocket about um raising money, millions of dollars for the cystic fibrosis foundation. Because now, guess what? We don't get access, we're potentially never gonna get access to those drugs. To what you helped, more or less fund for the most and I don't want to like this isn't a oh woe is me. It all went to a really great cause. I'll tie that back in when I talk about Breath of the Life Foundation, okay? But like there's a little bit of a fist in her pocket going into 2011-2012. Lauren got like really sick and then needed like a feeding tube to get more calories, all of that stuff. She worked her way back in 2013, 2014. Again, that rubber band being pulled, right? Well, eventually the rubber band does what if you pull on it enough? It'll snap and it snapped. And in 2014, um, the doctors started to talk about uh end of 2014, early 2015, the uh Lawrence doctors started to talk about end stage CF, which is you get you got a choice, like you can go through the process of lung double lung transplant or like run it out, yeah, riding it out, and writing it out sounds about like what you think it sounds like, right? Yeah, like yeah, so we're like I mean being ignorant to this ever like I had never heard Ed say like no appointment for years prior to that. Nobody ever talked about end stage CF. But then like all of a sudden one day her pulmon her pulmonary doctor, Dr. Biller, is just like, hey, this is it, like this is your neck, this is your next step. And I'm like when I said when I said before that Lauren was like a model patient, she was the poster child for CF, like your doctor doesn't necessarily talk about end stage CF with you if they don't think that you can like go all in on it. And we were all in on all of it. Like if you told us to do something, we were doing it, and we were gonna execute at a high level. Like we did what we were told, how we were told to do it. So um, once you start talking about transplant, that can either be a really long road, or in our case, uh, I guess you know, providence or just good living, it was a very short road. Um, Lauren was on the transplant list and off the transplant list just a couple times. Uh, and then ended up at the first part of December of 2015, she got listed. She was listed for 23 days, which is like unheard of. And then on Christmas Eve of 2015, she got a double long transplant.

SPEAKER_01 56:41

That's a heck of a Christmas present.

SPEAKER_02 56:42

Uh yeah, you yeah, you heard that right. Christmas Eve of 2015, my wife woke up Christmas Day with a new set of longs.

SPEAKER_01 56:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 56:55

Which like gives me the you know going through that process, I mean, like, there are people that would describe me as like uh as uh overconfident to the point of arrogant, like because I just firmly believe that I can do anything. Yeah, uh it's because of that, right? Like, if I if we can do that, we literally we can do we can do anything, right? So she got her double lung transplant on Christmas Eve of 2015. She woke up with new lungs, she blew through the recovery process as only Lauren could. Um, she was up walking in like 24 hours, like she she was out of the hospital in less than a month. I mean, she was she ran a 5k less than a year after her double lung transfer. Okay, so like this woman, when I say that like she made me a better person, like because again, if you knew me, you wouldn't really like me. She made me a better person in ways that I could never like ever repay to anybody or ever uh she just made me a better person overall, right? Um, because like I had to like level up because oh, by the way, you've got a CF patient in your house who like your excuses are generally invalid. For sure, right?

SPEAKER_01 58:18

Yeah, if she can do it, you better step up and figure your shit out.

SPEAKER_02 58:21

I better run a 5k, right?

SPEAKER_01 58:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 58:24

So in 2016, while she was going through recovery, a friend of mine who I played college football with reached out to me. And so this is the origin of Breath of Life Foundation, how this all happened as an accident. Uh, so a friend of mine reached out, and we had done fundraising prior. So, like in 2015, lung transplants are expensive. I don't know if you knew that, but and medical coverage is there, but like you know, the rest of your life is up like in upheaval. I mean, with a kid and all like jobs and stuff like that. So we had done like personal fundraising for ourselves in 2015. Uh, we created a brand. I'm wearing the t-shirt right now. Uh, we created a brand around like Lawrence Transplant to like, you know, market and like get some money as a to be able to afford all of this. And so after that, it was the spring of 2015, maybe like February or March. He reaches out and he's like, Hey, I'm on a community action board for a large financial organization, and I have access to some money, and I want to we gotta have we gotta put it somewhere. And I'm like, Well, I'm really busy, like with a job and a kid, and like trying to like help Lauren uh recover from her double lung transplant. And so um I said, I don't I like I don't need the money, I don't want the money, and I don't want to go through the process of getting the money, yeah. Like, I yeah, I don't, yeah. So and oh, by the way, like how would we how would we do it? Secondary question. Stupid silly question, yeah, stupid. Yeah, and so he's like, Well, we could do a golf outing, and I'm like, mm-mm. I'm like, I don't want to do a golf outing. I'm like, well, let me check with Lauren. So I like asked Lauren and she's like, I want nothing to do with this. She goes, I literally just had a lung transplant and I'm trying to focus on myself. And she's like, You have a daughter who has watched me go through a double lung transplant. Like, you want to do a golf outing? I'm like, I don't I don't want to do it. Like, I'm like, I don't want to do it. Cody wants to do it. She's like, Well, we don't need the money, we don't want the money, and what would we do with it? So that's kind of where it's sat. And then he reached out to me again like a week later, and he's like, Hey, what'd Lauren say? And I'm like, she wants nothing to do with it. And he's like, but we could do a golf outing. I'm like, let's go have coffee. So we went and had coffee and we were talking about it. And he's like, he's like, what if we gave it to like a host the hospital? Or like he's like, I know you don't want it, but like, what if we gave it to the hospital or something like that? And I'm like, well, I don't know. I just still don't want to do it. And then we went down and talked to Lauren's doctor, and she's like, Don't give it to a hospital.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:02

Noted, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:03

We're like, oh why? Because I'm a big, you know, second-level question guy. And she's like, Well, because it won't go to actually like what you think it goes to. Sorry if anybody works for a hospital that's listening to this. I don't really care what you think. Like, the money goes towards like revenue generating, so like it, yeah, hospitals make money, don't they? Yeah, right. Yeah, even the nonprofit ones. Yeah, so like the wheels are turning in my head, and then like Cody just kept after me, and I was like, all right, fine, let's do a golf outing. And then we met.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:31

So you're not really good at saying no.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:33

Okay, no, especially when it comes to stuff like this, right? Because like my idea is like, well, what if we like did all of this cool stuff? Sure. Yeah, because if you do one golf outing, guess what?

SPEAKER_01 1:01:42

You gotta do two and three and four. Now you're on ten, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:01:44

Yeah, or ten. Yeah. So we um we met and we talked, and like the conversation just kept going to like red flags about not doing it. Like, we're like, Well, I don't want people writing me a check. And he's like, I don't want people writing me a check. I'm like, but then what do we do with the money? And then he's like, Well, we could start a nonprofit. I'm like, Well, why? Like, this sounds like a horrible idea. Then we need a treasurer, we need a secretary, we need a president, vice president, all of that. Like, we have to find people and we have to do paperwork. He's like, Oh, let me talk to one of my friends that works at an accounting firm. He does like nonprofit work. And we just kept going down this rabbit hole and we started a nonprofit. We literally started a nonprofit.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:26

You started a nonprofit all because you did not want to do a golf outing.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:30

Yeah, there you are. For a golf outing. Yeah, and so we had a president, treasurer, vice president, secretary, all of that stuff. Like we built a nonprofit. We filed for our nonprofit, and I don't know if you know how long it takes to start a nonprofit. How long did it take for you to get your paperwork? Six to nine months. Yeah, mine was like four weeks.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:51

So now you're in it.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:52

Yeah. So we have a nonprofit, and we're gonna do a golf outing. So we reach out to a friend of ours from college who happens to like run a golf course, and we've got a date, and we're gonna do a golf outing. And the summer went on, we marketed it, we got like prize items, and as the time went on and Lauren started to feel better, she was like, Oh, what are you working on? Like, what are you doing?

SPEAKER_01 1:03:14

Now she's intrigued.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:16

Yeah, she was intrigued, and she wanted something to do with it because she's feeling better, right? And I don't know, so I don't know if you know anything about transplant patients, but they get like steroids, and like Lauren would be up for like 48 hours straight, and like half of my house would be missing because she'd get rid of everything, and like she'd come up with all of this stuff for the golf outing, and like I'd wake up and I'd have a list of things to do for the golf outing provided by my wife who wanted nothing to do with the golf outing or the nonprofit. So we execute this golf outing with a nonprofit called Breath of Life Foundation that nobody wanted, and we made like $30,000. And we're like, what are we going to do with this money? And it was in August, it was like the first part of August, and we had this golf outing. We filled the course, uh, and we made a really good amount of money. And then Lauren and I started like we would always talk about the stuff that we hated about having like living with CF because at the time there were no foundations like ours, and a lot of the help that was getting provided by the um other organizations was well, if you applied, it's like, oh well, you both have jobs, you make too much money, so you you don't qualify for these benefits, and we're like, that's stupid. So we made the qualification super simple to be able to give money to patients and families in the state of Wisconsin. And we made a list of all of the shitty things about having CF and living with CF. Oh, co-pays, oh, medical bills, oh, healthy lifestyle that's hard to pay for when you got to make a decision for groceries, co-pays, health insurance, your water bill, your utilities, all of this other stuff that's already expensive enough for human beings on planet Earth to pay for. Well, imagine now you've got a $2,000 bill for a medication that you need to literally live. So we made a list of everything that we hated about having CF. And guess what we were gonna pay for? All of those things for patients, all of those things for patients. Love that, yeah. And so the first like year was um the first we also had a lot of other ideas, and so at the time I was working for somebody that I would call a mentor to this day, one of those people that like I'll go grab lunch with them every six months to a year. We sat down with him and we had breakfast, and we had all of these ideas like we wanted to start an endowment and we wanted to start a um uh a scholarship at the college, and he just like looked at us and he's like, just Help one person. That's what he said. He's like, just help, just help one person.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:08

And then it sounds so simple.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:09

Yeah. And we're like, he's like, what do you want? He's like, what do you want to do? You made a list of all of these things to help people. He's like, don't plug it into a bigger organization, right? Don't don't take that money and put it into something that it's not going to be used for anything that you don't that you don't have control over. He's like, just help one person. So 2017, or at the end of 2016 was our first year, right? And our first person we helped was for a thousand at the time we did a thousand dollar reimbursement to a young girl who was she was like early teens, like probably third, probably 13 at the time. Her name was Erin. And uh she was going to have a double lung transplant in uh she had to go to St. Louis. She was seen in Green Bay and Milwaukee, but she had to get listed in St. Louis, and uh her family was uh um you know when you're in the CF community, like you interact with other families. She was a family that we knew of, and this woman was kind of like at her like I gotta move to St. Louis for potentially three months waiting for a transplant for my kid because you have to be within like two to three hours of the hospital. So we just like we probably didn't follow our own rules, but Lauren cut her a check for a thousand dollars, paid for uh like we gave her money for living expenses and other things like that. Her story's on the website, um, and that was the first person we helped, and that was like that was that was like so. Obviously, giving money to people is gratifying, uh, it's fulfilling, but that one person like created this like this catalyst for just one at a time, right? And now we've helped hundreds of families to the tune of hundreds of thousands of dollars over the last 10 years after giving out one $1,000 check. You know, that next year, I think we gave out like 17, 15 to 17,000. We brought in some people to help us with the financial part of this, where we were starting to build financial, um long-term financial viability. Um, we put you know uh guardrails and processes in place that now, like early on, every board meeting, we had like a talk about every single application that came in. But once you create precedent, right now it's just stuff comes in and checks go out. And like the first few years, you know, it was $1,000, and it was like between 15 and 17, and we hovered around like that 17 to 20 for like years two through five, and then all of a sudden, like we went to 60 grand in years six, seven, and eight, and then like seventy-five grand in year nine. And last year we gave out over a hundred thousand dollars to uh the most families we've ever served. That's amazing, and this year we are outpacing that because people are people are finding us, and there's an there's a need more not that it wasn't not that it didn't exist in the past, but those drugs that Lauren and I didn't have an opportunity to get our like hands on. Well, guess what? Now they're more they're really expensive. They're designed, they're just people in the CF space usually are like at least we did. We talked about designer drugs, yeah. So like Lauren was always doing designer drugs, not that ditchweed stuff, but like the real, like the stuff, the big movers, they're expensive, like really expensive. I mean, I'll cut, I'll pay a bill or cut a check for $2,000 and I'll see the bill, and that doesn't even pay for a month of one of the uh medications. Now, like if you're a CF patient, you're typically used to hitting your max out of pocket pretty quick. Um, but imagine just having a two thousand dollar bill that now you need to pay that you didn't you knew that you were gonna have, but let's say that comes in January and you have a vacation scheduled for March with your family, like you got to make a choice, right? Do you want that credit card debt, which now you're paying $2,200 or $2,400 to pay it off, or you say no to that vacation. I'm the first one to say that Lauren and I said no to a lot in order to be able to pay for things that we needed. Now that's part of life, but I don't ever want anybody to have to say no to a gym membership or going on a vacation with your family or uh putting a full tank of gas in your car because I know what that's like, and I don't want anybody to have to do that because i if I can if I can keep going with what I'm doing and like we do this right for the next 10 years, the goal is to help every family in the state of Wisconsin, which is that's a heck of a goal starting from one family to now everyone. There's around 400 patients in the state of Wisconsin. But if you think about that, $2,000 per family or patient, that's $800,000 a year. We've got to be serious and intentional about how we grow it.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:36

But it's not like almost the easiest way to help someone is to help them in a way that you wish you were helped. Like you know, you know what it takes, you know what it's like to be there. Yeah, this is the easiest $2,000 check I'll ever write because I know exactly where you are.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:52

Yeah, because I and again, like I'm gonna try and keep it together here. Like, I I was the primary breadwinner. I was the one who was I've worked in sales for 15 years. I've owned a business, I've worked in sales. When um when you take a job and the compensation is X, and you're literally working to get commissions to be able to live your just basic life, right? Like there's no above and beyond, right? Like I could have a great year, but it all goes towards the disease, it all goes towards managing a life that looks perfectly fine from the outside, and that's what a CF patient's life is. Like you again, you wouldn't know that somebody has CF, you wouldn't know that a lot of these families are really, really struggling financially, mentally, physically, because CF patients, and I I have yet to meet a CF patient who doesn't make their life look completely normal on the outside. If you would have looked at Lauren, you would have thought healthy, beautiful baby, dashing husband, uh nice hot, like well-kept house, good for like all of that stuff. There are so many CF patients and families, and people in this space take a ton of pride in that, but that's also like the one of the biggest problems with CF patients is they think they need to do it on their own. And like we have patients and families. I know people that have not applied to our foundation because they're like, well, we don't we don't like need the money.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:40

Someone else needs it more than I do.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:42

I'm like, that's not that's not the point. Yeah, right? Like somebody else needs it more than yeah, maybe somebody does, but guess what? I want to make your life easier because I was there and I know you're telling me everything's fine, everything's great, I'm fine. Like, but I also know that you just posted on your social media that you were in the hospital two weeks ago for a tune-up. Okay. Like, just let me help, like, let me help you, you know. Don't get me wrong, there were times. Um, and this this, you know, like those inflection points or those moments that like stick with you forever. There was yeah, there was a time like early on when Lauren would get sick, and I would feel like it was like the end of the world where you feel like you're like the sky is falling completely. Completely helpless. Yeah, completely helpless. This is the worst. Um, where Lauren's doctor, Dr. Biller, she literally, we were in an office, it was right after it was as Lauren was getting discharged. She had a tune-up or an exacerbation where she was in the hospital for like three or four days. I took off of work, I was staying with her. Um, Lily was staying with her grandparents because they they were super helpful, never would have been able to do it without them. And I was like, I think I made a comment about like, this is so hard. Is this ever gonna get easier? And Lauren's doctor, Dr. Biller, looked at me and she's like, I like you you shouldn't be complaining. And I'm like, okay, like, yeah, thanks. And then she goes, I just was just in clinic today, and there's a CF patient who's living under a bridge in downtown Milwaukee. Ugh. Can't even do like has no access to airway clearance, no access to health insurance, can't pay any of their bills, and is probably heat like heating up a can of beans over a um of like an open fire.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:29

So just a perspective shift.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:31

Uh yeah. Yeah. I mean, big time. And as like a uh mid-20-year-old male who's supposed to be the provider, and like the you know, I was a cheerleader for the longest time telling a story, like that was a kick right between the eyes. That like it's never as bad as you think it is, and somebody's always got it worse, and um this is like this life with a disease or without the disease is it's gonna be what you make it.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:04

But then to make things not any easier, now you have a baby at home who has some heart issue. Yeah, so now you're caretaking for a wife who is living with CF, and now you're caretaking for a really helpless baby who has her own health struggles. So you're just over here trying your best.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:26

Oh, I'm not I'm let's you can ask that question and say that all you want, but like I'm not like I'm no hero. Like, I'm not, I've I'm no yeah, just stop right there. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:37

Explain yourself then go ahead. Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:39

Just stop right there. Yeah, so uh back to like circling back. I mentioned that Lily was born, um, she was born with a heart defect. She has what's called hypoplastic left heart, where her um her left ventricle doesn't exist. Uh she um was okay, so she doesn't have a left ventricle, so her right ventricle does the work of both ventricles, which is a process. So Lily was born in July of 20 um 2016. She was 2007. 20 oh 2007, yes. Sorry, yeah. I got I got I got a daughter's birthday. So she was born in 2007, right after we graduated from college. We actually found out that she was um she had the heart condition in utero. So like we found out in utero through uh um through the 20-week ultrasound where they test for all four chambers of the heart. So um ultrasound tech got really, really quiet, like suspiciously quiet. Yeah, suspiciously quiet. And then she left and a doctor came like into the room and had really bad bedside manner and did not did not present said heart condition in a very um uh hopeful light. We'll put it. He was the worst. So, number one, when you find when you see when you have CF and you find out you're pregnant, you need to talk to your palm your pulmonary doctor, because it's gonna be a little bit of a um like managing a pregnancy is different when you have CF. Well, Lauren's pulmonary doctor also happened to be married to the chief of cardiac pediatric cardiology at the Herman Hart Center in Milwaukee. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:29

It's got a whole family affair going with doctors there.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:31

Apparently, yeah. So Dr. Biller's husband, Dr. Berger. Come on. Okay, yeah, yeah, was the um chief of pediatric cardiology at children's hospital. And at the time, uh little side story. So children's hospital at that time was like very much up and coming in the pediatric cardiology space. So they had a team of people that came from Philadelphia, Cleveland, and Seattle, who are now in Milwaukee building this heart program. And the surgeon who uh specialized in Lily's particular heart surgeries, because she had three, uh, Dr. James Tweddle, he has now passed uh from brain cancer, which saved thousands of lives, and he dies of brain cancer. Isn't that messed up? Yeah, that's yeah. Yeah, so rest in peace to Dr. James Tweddle. Um, he changed my life, literally. Um, he was ranked number two in the world for success rate for the three surgeries that Lily was gonna need. So she was born on July 16th of 2007. It was a Monday. Uh the following week, she had her first open heart surgery where they um start. Okay, this is gonna sound like a bad heart dad, but there's a series of three surgeries. Um, there's a Fontana Glenn and uh I forgot. Like I forget the third one. Google it. Google it. Yeah, there's three, there's a series of three surgeries. The first one happens at seven days, the second one happens usually around six months, and the third one happens at three years old. So Lily was born. Um, she was in the NICU for um the seven days. She was first case Monday morning, uh, the week after she was born, and then spent uh July, middle of July through the end of September at children's in Milwaukee. Um, I was working for a really one of my mentors, a really great guy. He I was an intern at the time at a very large corporation here in Green Bay, Wisconsin. And he gave me um, I was an hourly intern and he gave me three weeks of paid vacation. There you go. That's a good person. Yep. So that I could find a job because I was just graduating from college and get on health insurance. Yeah. So he gave me three weeks of paid vacation as an intern. And Lauren stayed in Milwaukee with Lily uh after she was born. And at the end of September, Lily came home from her first surgery. There were complications involved in that. Um, she had to have her diaphragm plicated, she had to have a few other like ancillary procedures done in that time. And then she had her second surgery uh the week after Thanksgiving in December of 2017. And then she had her 2007. 2007. She had her third surgery at three years old, um, right around her birthday in the summer in 2010. So Lily, um weird, ironically, Lily has been a model patient for her particular heart disease. Apples don't fall far from trees. Exactly. Uh and when someone who has cystic fibrosis learns how to advocate for themselves. They do a better job for their offspring. And they teach their offspring how to uh advocate for themselves. Um, so ironically, also when Lily was born, the um the average median age of somebody born with uh her heart defect was in the mid-teens, if you remember back to the beginning. Lauren was also born with an average life expectancy of mid-teens. Lily is now 18. Um, there are patients who have Lily's disease who are uh married, have children, graduated from college, and her disease, her congenital heart defect, is no longer a pediatric disease either. Wow. Just like her mother. There you go. And uh Lily's still seen at children's hospital, so I yet I still have to sit in kids' chairs every time we go to an appointment.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:49

So you've been sitting in children's chairs for the last what 25 years of your life, your whole life, basically.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:54

My whole life, I've been sitting in children's chairs at children's hospital of Wisconsin.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:59

You know, just for to make this even better, we should not be sitting in these vintage chairs. You should have gotten children's chairs out here. Yeah, yeah, the chairs. Like the little tikes.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:06

Next time we do it, I'll be yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:09

But yeah, that's that's amazing to outgrow that now, too.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:14

And you got some strong girls in your life.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:16

I am very fortunate to have the two people that have shaped me into the person I am today. I wouldn't be who I am without them. It's been a long and winding road, but it's been it has been. I would not trade any of it for anything. I would not trade my life for anything. I wouldn't trade it for a lottery ticket, because I honestly feel like I've already won the lottery multiple times. Despite the fact that, you know, with Lauren passing in 2019, right? Despite all of that, I I hit the jackpot like multiple times. I lived with one of I lived with two people that are literally my heroes, and I get to see one of them not as much anymore, because she I kicked her out, she went to college.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:13

She's 18 now.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:13

She's 18, yeah, trying to figure out her own life. Um, I got to see all of that. Like I was in, I would I had a front row seat for what I think is probably in a pretty amazing story.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:27

And I think to make it a little bit more amazing and bring it full circle, I've golfed in the Lungs and Roses golf outing several times, and now Lily is becoming somewhat of a spokesperson. I've seen her present at St. Nobre College, she's becoming somewhat of a spokesperson on behalf of the Breath of Life Foundation. So despite her own journey, she's now also living living it out for for her mom as well, which is super inspirational and amazing to uh to watch happen. And I didn't even I don't even know her, I've met her a couple times, but yeah, it's pretty amazing to see that happen.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:58

Yeah, I mean she's she had a front row seat for all of it. Um while she was only 11 when Lauren passed, um I think all of what we were doing was really just imprinted on her from uh wanting to help other people and also having um like and the understanding of what advocacy looks like because you can talk about advocating for yourself and your disease, but like really advocating and helping people understand part of who you are and what made you who you are. That's I think that's really powerful. And every time she goes up there and gets an opportunity to talk, I'm super proud. Uh, it doesn't help that she looks exactly like her mother. Uh she's just like a little version of Lauren. Um, and it's it's been a good thing. It's something that we can connect on and something that we've actively worked on. Uh, you know, she's one of the biggest reasons why I, you know, our golf outing was typically 36 teams, fill 18 holes. We're now at we've rent out an entire course, we do 51 teams, like her belief in what we're doing and her wanting to help other people is evident in her decision-making process around helping us grow. And ultimately, if we can get to the point where hopefully she takes this, you know, and runs with it, she's the next kind of that next generation. I do worry though, at I do worry sometimes that maybe we haven't done enough to uh advocate for her disease. Um, so that's something that I think as time goes on and she starts to um understand what um giving back to a community and advocacy looks like that maybe she decides to lean into other organizations related to congenital heart defects because I think that would be valuable for her in her overall development as a person and then also as somebody who has a congenital heart defect. So I don't want to like bogard all of her time with breath of life, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:15

Well, to to maybe give give a little bit of a glimpse into your personality and and maybe a little bit of your quirkiness. July's coming up, and you usually do something like with socks on social media. That's for the American heart. Is that for like heart? No, is that just you being Tyler?

SPEAKER_02 1:27:30

That's just me being Tyler and my absolute love of this great country. Red, white, and blue socks, warts and all. All right. I love this country for what it is. I I think there's greatness here, so I wear American flag themed socks for all of uh July. But I have um ventured out into February, which is Heart Month.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:56

I'm missing I'm missing my dates up.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:58

No, that's all right. I do wear. Red or pink or heart themed socks for February as well. So those are kind of the two months that I um really get wild with.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:09

What pairs of socks do you have?

SPEAKER_02 1:28:11

I have two totes of socks. I have probably over 60 pairs of American flag socks, and I know I have uh mid-30s of red or purple or pink themed heart socks.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:25

Um to bring it back to more social media personality of yours, uh you alluded a couple times to owning a business. It was a flower shop. Your dichotomy of your physical appearance being a florist, I think is uh super special and and something only you could pull off. Pat it up, Harley-looking guy, delivering flowers to some brides. It's very fun. Um, but along with that, I think you you kind of incorporated this uh like deliverer of happiness, I believe was the moniker.

SPEAKER_03 1:29:01

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:02

So whether you were doing that as a profession, as a as a flower shop owner, helping CF patients, and maybe you're not being able to cover the entire bill, but just a little bit of help is delivering some sort of happiness. Your personality that you bring through social media to have some fun with it, but also to spread some some messaging. Like you are this deliverer of happiness despite some pain you've gone through, some despite some adversity, wife with CF, daughter with congenital heart disease. It's just who you are, too. So that's that's pretty aspirational.

SPEAKER_02 1:29:40

Well, I think to like what uh well I I remember talking or the podcast you did uh recently, what was the name of it? Rooted Wisconsin. Yeah, rooted Wisconsin. Uh, when I listened to that or watched the clips of that, you specifically talked about taking a bad, like a bad situation and finding whatever sliver of good you can out of it in an effort to bring more good into the world and specifically into people's lives related to something that you yourself experienced and went through, right? And I think when I like when I think about everything that I've been through and everything that I know that you've been through, or what Andy's been through, or what these patients have been through, or the kid who has like more or uh Beth, my wife, uh her uh cousin's son, Silas, who has uh cancer. Like, in order to make it through anything like that, okay, you can't have this like blind, you can't have a blind uh hope is a word that's used often, okay. But one of the things that I learned about hope, and um this is specific to Lauren's situation. Lauren believed in the word hope because when she was growing up, there was always hope for a cure, right? And as things got harder and that cure wasn't going to be something that she was going to be able to leverage or have long term. And I think subconsciously she realized that earlier than what um she was told that, right? Like getting that end stage CF diagnosis. I think early on she realized that hope wasn't just about um having hope in other people to find a cure for you, that hope was in um living your life to in living your life in a way where you weren't gonna leave anything on the table.

SPEAKER_01 1:32:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:32:01

And so like I think of the I'll tie it, not that I need to tie it back to you because like this isn't a bait and switch. Like, we're not trying to like we're not trying to like outcomment each other. Like I'll compliment each other. I think of like w early on when we met, okay, the tattoos you have, the memento morie, the I can't pronounce it, but uh what the remember to live, the podcast itself.

SPEAKER_01 1:32:26

Memento vivere. Memento vento memento more. Remember you're going to die. Yeah. Don't leave it, don't leave anything on the table. You're not guaranteed tomorrow. Live your life virtuously today. Yeah. But then Memento Vivere, remember to live.

SPEAKER_02 1:32:37

Yes. I think that when you know it's really easy to get caught up in this, um, like this blind hope that somebody's gonna come in, that there's gonna be this white night or this one thing, and it's just gonna happen one day, when the hope is is that you actually live a life that is fulfilling for you, which takes you defining that and you understanding, you know, who you are, what your limitations are, what you're willing to give, and then also understanding that this life, whatever life you want, you're responsible for, and making the most out of everything. Because if I'm if I'm gonna be if I'm going to be entirely honest, Lauren was taken too soon. In my in my opinion, like Lauren was taken away from me, she was taken away from Lily. But in that time, she was the best fucking partner, she was the best fucking parent, she was the best business partner when we owned a business together, she was the best um president and vice president of a um of a nonprofit that could ever have been because she understood the fragility around life itself, and to maximize that. I'm gonna get up on a soapbox right now, and I I hate to do this, but I talk about this all the time. And this is something from that mentor that said, just help one person. Like his job as a business owner, his job as a mentor, his job as a dad, his job as a human being is to identify where people are at in their life right now, how they're operating, okay, and help them realize the potential to who and what they could be. And if there's one thing that Lauren did for me, it was allowing me to close the gap between who I thought I was and who I wanted, like wanted to be at this lower level, optimizing at 60, 70% because I had talent, right? Like I played college football, I had I had talent. Was I the best? No, but I could get away with things because I had a natural talent. I also worked hard, but like if I would have worked harder and actualized that gap, Lauren helped me fill that gap. She helped her family fill that gap. She has helped Lily fill that gap. And that right there is how you live a life becoming the best version of yourself and not wasting, not wasting a rep, not race, wasting a day, not wasting um all of the who you who you could be. Because I think a lot of the times we look back, I don't care what your situation is. Okay. I don't care if it's uh, you know, you're the dad of a heart condition or a kid who has a congenital heart defect, or you lost your wife to cancer, or you lived with somebody with CF, or you have diabetes, or you have fibromyalgia, or your business isn't what you think it it should have been. Like your job in life is to try and close that gap by understanding who you are and who you want to be. And I like I can't do it for you. You need to do it for you. And that hope, hope isn't a hope isn't a strategy. It's not something to just high in the sky thing. It is a legitimate, it's work, right? Every single day it's work. And I gotta remind myself that on a regular basis. Cause do I still get into the the oh woe is me moments where I was sitting with Dr. Biller when she said, Hey, Tyler, buck up, like quit being a bitch. Like, yeah, I get like that. And there was a time, there was a time where I was like that with the found with the nonprofit that I started after Lauren passed away, 2019, 2020 COVID. We lost our golf outing. Like, we couldn't do our golf outing, like we couldn't do the dinner that we do. The motorcycle ride was literally the only revenue generator that we had that year. And I was like, this is stupid. Like, I don't like why am I why am I why am I doing this? And I had to step away. I took myself off all of the paperwork, I passed it off to other people to try and like make it their responsibility. And then in 2022 and in 2023, I got that like like I got that it wasn't like this magic moment, right? It was more of like, hey, dumbass, like you started this. This is your responsibility. This is as much your legacy as it is as Lauren's legacy. And if you don't, like, if you don't do anything about this, you have wasted people's time. You are no longer the person you said you were. Like they people need you more now more than ever. And leaning back into that, you know, this year has been a huge changeover for us. We lost some people, we gained some people, uh, all in a good positive way. The people we lost, I couldn't thank them enough for what they gave us for as long as they gave it to us. And the new people are gonna take us into a new, like a new thing. But back to my point, like it's like it's gonna wane, like stuff is gonna suck. Life is uh this ebb and flow, but if you can just like uh latch onto something to make somebody's life just a little bit better, particularly your own.

SPEAKER_01 1:38:16

I was just about to say, but you gotta start with making your life your own life a little bit better before you can make or help someone else's life become a little bit better.

SPEAKER_02 1:38:23

Yeah, you can't give what you don't have.

SPEAKER_01 1:38:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:38:25

You know, you can't get you can't give what you don't have. And like, you know, I there's I still look in the mirror, like I think again, back to like that visionary thinker between the two of us. I look in the mirror and I think to myself, well, how the fuck am I gonna get to where I want to go? I have no idea. I can't, I don't have the ability to put together a strategic plan, right? Megan was like laughing at us. She's like, How are you idiots like in charge of anything?

SPEAKER_01 1:38:51

It sounds like we have a type where it's all we just find women who are better than us, who make us better, and then almost in a real tough love way, call us out for not being there yet, but inspiring us to get there.

SPEAKER_02 1:39:04

Oh, a hundred percent. Yeah. And again, I didn't, I didn't I didn't know Lauren, your Lauren, um, but I'm sure she faced the adversity that your family went through just head on.

SPEAKER_00 1:39:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:39:17

I there's no doubt in my mind, based on the things that you've shared and knowing you, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that that's where your like that drive comes from, because you know, the people around you should make you better.

SPEAKER_01 1:39:33

For sure. Yeah, and I think there's you're talking about hope, but I think there's also something about determination, it is hard work, but then you also need a little bit of blind optimism, naive optimism, where like, yeah, it might suck right now, but I have a core belief that it will all work out. Yeah, sure. My wife passed away, but now I'm choosing to do something good with it, because that's not the end of the story. It will all work out to some degree how it's supposed to. Is that the path in the plan that I thought was written down when on our wedding day? For sure not. Was that the path that I thought was happening the day Brecken was born, and then six months later she was diagnosed? Nope. But I was on the journey and I'm on the path. That wasn't the end of the story, so let's make sure it all works out in a much better way.

SPEAKER_02 1:40:29

Yeah. I uh so you you said you said something that I I have said in a very specific way for years, because when you um when you work towards something and you don't get what you thought you wanted based on working towards it, so like trying to get on those um those clinical trials, having a transplant and thinking that that's gonna be the fix, but then your wife passes away from complications due to transplant, right? Like everything works out the way that it should. It's not the way that you want it, but that's what you signed up for. That's what you signed up for when you started dating Lauren. That's what you signed up for when you decided to marry her, that's what you signed up for when you decided to have a kid together. And guess what? That's what you signed up for when you uh started this nonprofit. That's what you signed up for when you decided to marry Megan. That's what you signed up for when you decided to have another kid.

SPEAKER_01 1:41:24

Yeah. You're signing up for things you don't even realize you're signing up for until you're in the thick of it. Like, yeah, this is what I signed up for.

SPEAKER_02 1:41:31

Yeah. And here's the here's the thing. Like, uh, so I don't want to like make this about quotes and quips and stuff like that, but I do because I'm looking around your garage right now, and I'm gonna bring them up at some point.

SPEAKER_01 1:41:42

So let's just start this because I love quotes and quips.

SPEAKER_02 1:41:46

So Gary V, something that's on my phone. Gary V says everybody wants things in the short term, but life is long. Not for everybody, right? Like, so we're talking about two people that were taken too soon, okay, but still they were Lauren was in her 30s when she passed away. 30 years is a long time, okay. Like life is long. Most people are gonna live into their mid-70s, right? Like cancer treatment, like some of it's acute, okay. Like, some like so as an example, like Lauren, that was a very acute cancer uh diagnosis to recovery to ultimately it taking Lauren. That was an acute thing, but she lived it uh 32 years, 32 years, right? Like life is long. There are so many inflection points. Okay, so I use the Gary Vee quote, and now I'm gonna quote the president of the company I work for now. I sat down with him in January. I got an opportunity to spend what was scheduled for 15 minutes, but ended up being 90 minutes. Um, and we were talking about like careers, and he's like, he's like, everybody like everything's so hyper-cyclical, everybody wants things like right away, right? Like, but there's all of these inflection points, and he he drew on the back of a piece of paper like this um this like janky ass stairs. So, like, there's some short ones, there's some long ones. People don't realize that, like, you might be grinding it out for five years to get to one inflection point that leads you to a three-month inflection point, right? Everything's gonna end up the way it should based on your decisions. And like, I was like, at that point, I'm 40, 41 years old, and I'm like, man, I'm so stupid. Why didn't I think of any of this? Like, I and I'm gonna be working for the next 24 year, 25 years. Like, my career is gonna be long. My life is hopefully gonna be long. Even Lily, she's 18. She's that's a pretty long life. 18 years is a long time. There's a lot of development that happens in 18 years. There's a lot more development that needs to happen because she's an 18-year-old girl. But like, you think about that and you think about all of these like these inputs into your life that change who and how you are.

SPEAKER_01 1:44:01

I'm gonna I'm gonna botch this quote now, but it's something along the lines of like people over they overvalue how much they can do in a year, but they undervalue how much they can accomplish in 10 years. So like they think they can do all these things in one year. Oh, but then they they're like, oh, yeah, that's there's no way I can do all that. But if you just give it 10 years, you could accomplish that so much better. Yeah, so much bigger than you even think you could.

SPEAKER_02 1:44:28

Yeah. It's but it's also like perspective, and like I'll use the term again, level setting. Like, you need to have perspective based on people say, Oh, I want to accomplish all this stuff in a year, but they're operating at 60% of who they should be, and then they choose things that don't even align with the 100% of who they could be. Yeah, so they make this decision, right? Based for a career or like um or a financial goal or a career goal, and it's like, oh, be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it. I love that. Well, that's a quote from Patrick Gothier, a guy I worked for. He said it all the time like, be careful what you wish for, or you just might get it. And if you don't go through the process of like actually thinking about what your goal is, I don't know how you like how you find fulfillment in anything, you know.

SPEAKER_01 1:45:25

So you have a goal to work out every day of 2026.

SPEAKER_02 1:45:28

I have a goal.

SPEAKER_01 1:45:29

What what are your other goals? What are you what are you working toward?

SPEAKER_02 1:45:31

I have a goal every day to check the box of those four or five things. I've literally created this like daily habit structure, so I'm only focused on like today. Today, yeah, which sounds super like short-sighted, but guess what? If I check all of those boxes every day for the next 365 days, guess what? I'm not gonna be fat. Like, I'm not I'm still a little pudgy, but like I'm gonna lose the weight that I say I want to lose. I'm gonna be putting myself in a position to have the muscle that I want to have when I'm 50, 60, 70, because I'm laying the groundwork for right now. And again, like I I sure as heck hope that we're not like uh clicking on any light bulbs for anybody because this is all like life is just basic stuff. But it comes down to this perspective around because I've gotten caught up in all of the like I was I was that guy in my early 20s that like I'm gonna make a quarter of a million dollars a year, I'm gonna be the next CEO of this multi-billion dollar company, and I like set those goals for myself when I should have just been focused on taking care of my family.

SPEAKER_01 1:46:43

And did you set those goals because that's what like society says would be a successful person? Or like is that really truly what you were passionate about? Like, were you really passionate about running a huge company? Or are you more passionate about family call quality family time and helping CF patients and building this legacy for you, for your loved ones, for what this cause is? Like that seems to be where your passion is. Maybe you've changed in 20 years, but is that really what you or or someone else might want? Is yeah, I want to be a CEO. Not really, I just want to do that because that's what is successful.

SPEAKER_02 1:47:22

Yeah, no, like I wanted, I think, I think I've made decisions um from a career standpoint and a personal standpoint, based up like anybody else, based on the inputs that I'm taking in. Okay. So like the people around me, those five to seven people like telling me what I thought I wanted. I went to college and I started off as a business major because my neighbor told me that I would be a good business be good in business. I didn't know what that meant. And then I failed macroeconomics, microeconomics, and algebra. So you can't really be a business major when you get a 1.75 GPA your first semester of college.

SPEAKER_01 1:48:02

And all of the business financial classes that you're supposed to know how to do.

SPEAKER_02 1:48:11

You can't stay in college or like the business program when you get a 1.75 GPA your first semester. And oh, by the way, like the college asks you to leave, and then your football coach is like, hey, you got to go on academic probation or you get to leave. Okay. So then I switched over to an art major, okay, which was money for me. But like I also made a decision to go to college to play football at a D3 college. Like, okay, that's only four years, all right? You're not going to the NFL after that. Trust me, kids. You're not going to the NFL after that.

SPEAKER_01 1:48:44

So, like, I went to We were so such a motivational podcast, and now you're just crushing kids' dreams.

SPEAKER_02 1:48:51

Go into the trades, go to a tech college. So, like, I made all of these decisions based on the inputs that I was taking in, right? Like, I was like, I was taking in all of these inputs from other people, and I was allowing other people to help me make decisions. And yes, do I think you should do that? But I also think that maybe you should spend some time thinking about what you really want out of life.

SPEAKER_01 1:49:13

The IFS getting to know yourself.

SPEAKER_02 1:49:15

I wish I would have experienced that when I was 18 years old. Yeah. But guess what? Like, I was raised by most people who are in my age bracket by parents who didn't talk about their feelings, right? Which is fine. That's how, like, that's how it is. So I went to college, I became an art major because that was like the easy route. That was a natural ability of mine. And I graduated with a graphic design degree. I was bullheaded, and somebody told me I should go into sales for a multi billion dollar company now uh that I would have done really well in. But I was adamant that I was gonna go work in my major because my brother and sister didn't work in their major. And I was like, well, they wasted money on college. I'm gonna go do what I'm gonna go, right? I'm gonna go do this. And uh I went into my major and I lasted nine months and then got into field sales for a guy who I still talk to. I would consider him a mentor. But I was watching him and I thought I wanted what he had. And I ended up leaving that job after three years because Lauren got super sick. That was in 2011, 2012. And I took a job and I lasted nine months there and I got shit canned and was like, this is that wasn't for me. And then um that's when I dabbled in like small business ownership because the flower shop that I owned from 2017 through 2023, I went and worked there for a year and almost bought it that business in 2012. That didn't work out, and I learned a lot about like trying to buy a family business from family friends, which was uh the best and also the worst. It was hard. Um, and then I went back into something that I knew, talking to people and sales. So, like, that's a natural thing for me, being able to talk to people, tell stories, like work with people. I'm a natural connector, that's what I'm good at. Does that translate well into the field that I'm in? Yes. Does it translate well into um other things that I've tried? No. I think because hindsight, right? Like when you're when you're 40 and you've got some years under your belt, like uh I wish I would have realized or leaned into the process of like self-discovery at a younger age. And I would say that if there's any young people like listening to the well, nobody's really gonna listen to this anyway. They might. I would say that if there's young people out there, like start to really think about like now more than ever. Okay. So, like when I was in high school, they were telling us we all needed to go to college. High school kids now like they get way more options, like trade, like they're pushing trades, they're pushing technical schools. Like when I was in high school, they're like, You need to go to a four-year college, otherwise, you're never gonna have a job.

SPEAKER_01 1:51:58

You know, even entrepreneurship is like high school kids are talking about that. Yeah, did you ever even consider that when you were 14 or 15 years old?

SPEAKER_02 1:52:05

No, but uh, I was envious of all of the friends that I had who had parents who owned businesses, and I was like, they're just gonna go work there, or like they're gonna go to college and have an awesome time and then go work in marketing there, and then like and end up running it. I'm like, that would be pretty cool, mom, dad. Why are you guys teachers? Like, why did you why did you go into like uh civil service, so to speak?

SPEAKER_01 1:52:27

Yeah, jerks, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:52:28

I know, but like now more than ever, I would say like weigh your options, don't take time off because I think that's stupid. Like, if you took a year off, because you're never gonna actually go back to school. But find something that you can do that allows you work-life balance because now going all the way back to the beginning of this, I've procured a life, I've created a life where now I have some work-life, like I have some balance in my life. I think balance is bullshit, but I have like the ability to focus on things that will make me better and focus on things that lead me to being fulfilled.

SPEAKER_01 1:53:05

And what your work-life balance looks like, what your fulfillment looks like, might be different from mine, different from your neighbors, different from your kids. Yeah, so I think that's like the most important part is getting to know yourself and what your goals are. Sure, take input from mentors and parents and and whatever, but ultimately it's what you need and want for yourself.

SPEAKER_02 1:53:30

Yeah. And like you, I mean, having so having a bunch of money in a bank account to create freedom because money is money is just freedom, right? It gives you an opportunity to make decisions. That's a good thing. I still don't have a ton of money in my bank account, but like I'm doing okay, I can pay my bills, things like that. But like, you're always gonna want more money. Like, if you have a shitload of money in your savings account or in your 401k or in your checking account, you're always gonna be like, oh, I want more money because you're gonna be leveling or bracketing to that lifestyle. And like I had to learn the hard way to live below your means and to just kind of accept, not accept, well, yeah, accept or be okay with like where you're at in life. And that comes through that comes through getting kicked in the like getting kicked in the face. I've been fired from jobs, I've watched loved ones pass away. I've sat in hospital waiting rooms, I've sat in um pediatric ICUs, I've sat in uh ICU watching somebody recover from a double lung transplant. Like you don't, you don't just get those experiences though. But if you take the time to figure out what you want, in those moments, I had everything I wanted. I had the I had the person that I had committed to and I loved. I had the child that I never thought that I wanted. Like, well, not that came out wrong.

SPEAKER_01 1:54:57

Go on, I'll let you reclarify that. Oh, poor Lily.

SPEAKER_02 1:55:00

You know, I had a beautiful baby. I had, you know, I had all of these things that like were really, really like really bring fulfillment. You know, I certainly at that point didn't have buttloads of money in my bank account. I shared that with you already. Like, we were everything looked good on the outside, but there was turmoil on the inside, and we made the best of what we could, right? It's just I I just I don't know how I think the earlier you figure it out, the better off you're gonna be. But I say this all the time about having an 11-year-old son now, bonus son, and an 18-year-old daughter. Like, she's got they gotta figure it out. I can't, I could sit here and pontificate all I want and stand up on my soapbox. But guess what? I didn't listen when I was 18. Billy's not gonna listen to me.

SPEAKER_01 1:55:49

But even now talking about, you know, I wish I would have known this 20 years ago.

SPEAKER_02 1:55:53

I wouldn't change anything.

SPEAKER_01 1:55:55

But you also like you know it now. You've you've so so what it didn't happen at 22, that's part of the journey. I wouldn't change a thing. 38, 40, 41. You've you're you're in the process of figuring it out a little bit more, maybe. So what what do they say? Uh best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. Yeah, and now second best time today. I think it's the second time I've used that quote in this recording. No, you can edit that. But uh, but I like it.

SPEAKER_02 1:56:18

No, that's fine.

SPEAKER_01 1:56:19

It's real.

SPEAKER_02 1:56:19

Yeah, I would never I wouldn't change anything. I wouldn't change a thing. And I said that before. Like I wouldn't want to win the lottery because I already did. I wouldn't want to change anything. I have a beautiful wife. I have um never thought I would have another kid after Lily. I have a step, I have a son now. I wouldn't change a thing. I'm building I live in a smaller house, I drive a smaller car, I don't have a big truck that's loud. I work out in my garage.

SPEAKER_01 1:56:48

Got a couple dogs.

SPEAKER_02 1:56:48

I got a couple dogs. Well, I could do without them. Just kidding. Like I wouldn't trade, I wouldn't trade a thing. I wouldn't trade anything.

SPEAKER_01 1:56:58

And isn't that ultimately the most successful you can be in life? Is just not being stagnant, but being content and truly happy with what you got.

SPEAKER_02 1:57:10

Yeah, I'm I'm content with what I have, but guess what? I'm hopeful for the future.

SPEAKER_01 1:57:14

Yeah, you want to be content, but also continue growing. Yeah. But not like wishing your life was different.

SPEAKER_02 1:57:22

Yeah. And I'm growing at my own, like I'm growing at my own pace. Like I'm not trying to slam a bunch of stuff in to try and check a box before I'm 25 or 45 or 50. Like at this point, like I'm just I'm okay with I'm currently very happy with the life that I've designed for myself. And I'm gonna continue to work on growing myself, my organization, and my career, and just see where it all lands up. Because I'm gonna be working until I'm a hundred, like most people, which is fine with me.

SPEAKER_01 1:57:56

Yeah, especially if you love what you're doing.

SPEAKER_02 1:57:58

Uh, remind me what your four goals every day are or or sleep, focuses, nutrition, exercise, connection with self, others, or self-nature, others. Love it. I'll text you that after so you can write that.

SPEAKER_01 1:58:12

Uh, and then you're putting on your 10th annual golf outing uh in a couple weeks for Breath of Life Foundation. So congratulations on 10 years.

SPEAKER_02 1:58:26

Yeah, yeah. 10 years went by really quick. First, like I said before, something that started as literally an accident, it has grown into something that's pretty cool. I think that that I think that alone shows that when you put yourself into something that you're deeply connected to, right? Not necessarily like passionate about. Okay. I like helping people. I'm passionate about helping people. Uh paying, I'll be very clear, helping people doesn't pay very well because I don't take any money. Like, we don't nobody on my staff takes any money. Like, this isn't like a career choice. This is more of a time suck. Like, if you look at how much time we put into it, but yeah, 10 years. Uh, this will be the this will be the big we're hoping that this one is the biggest one. Last year was legitimately the biggest one, biggest, largest amount of revenue, most golfers on the course. Um, and I just you know, I we we wouldn't have we wouldn't be able to do this without Lauren. So, like, there's no way that anybody would be able to pull this off without an inspiration to pull it off. But then also like the people that put this on, very small staff. Um, and it this is our second biggest event of the year. So that's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 1:59:54

Yeah, we'll keep doing amazing things.

SPEAKER_02 1:59:56

I hope so.

SPEAKER_01 1:59:57

Yeah, uh, is there anything else you want to end on here? Any any more pieces of advice? No, I think I've motivational speeches, soapboxes.

SPEAKER_02 2:00:04

I think I've given enough. Uh I've gone off I've gone on enough tangents today.

SPEAKER_01 2:00:09

Uh, I feel like I did all the talking, which you're the you're the guest, you're supposed to be doing all the talking. I know, but I just throw you the softballs and you just run with them.

SPEAKER_02 2:00:19

Yeah. No, I I I genuinely uh appreciate you doing this. Um this takes a lot. You know that.

SPEAKER_01 2:00:31

But it's fun and exciting.

SPEAKER_02 2:00:32

Yeah, I know. And I'm I'm honored that you would even ask me to do something like this.

SPEAKER_01 2:00:37

You so the whole like part of this Memento Viveri project podcast and brand that that I've have envisioned is talking to people that have overcome something and are doing awesome things in spite of or despite or because of that adversity that they overcame. Losing a spouse and now doing amazing things for other people because of that experience. Like that in an in a nutshell is what you're doing. So, like, why would we not talk about it? And clearly you're a good storyteller, or at least you can just talk for a long time.

SPEAKER_02 2:01:09

I can talk for a long time. Yeah, and if there's one thing I like doing, it's talking about myself. What a perfect spot here. Yeah. No, I think um I think what you're doing is going to be is unique, and I think uh even your non-the nonprofit, like helping the uh patients that you're gonna be helping to do to give them that opportunity to go and do something to take their mind off of all of the shit. Okay, that right there is gonna be incredibly valuable to a lot of really good people.

SPEAKER_01 2:01:45

Yeah, I've I've sort of looked at it this way of like, you know, the American Cancer Society is doing the science side of things or they're helping people with their cancer journey through a variety of different ways and all different kinds of cancers. I see the Remember to Live Foundation almost as like a an emotional and mental reprieve from the cancer side of things.

SPEAKER_02 2:02:06

I think that that right there is going to be is going to have sure with the research and new drugs, shortening people's um whether it's like chemo or treatments that they have to do in order to help them live another uh longer life or moving towards remission, that's all it's all important work. For sure. Okay, like Cystic Fibrosis Foundation, feeding that drug pipeline, it's all important work. The American Cancer Society, MAC Fund, all of those things is all important work. But when you focus on like one person or one family and you make a difference in their life, that is some of the most rewarding work that you could possibly put yourself in. And I think that journey for you in particular, because you have those connections to that trip that you took with Brecken and those opportunities to travel, and you still travel, you still do a really good job of it. Jealous, by the way. I think you still do a really good job of that. You understand the importance of making memories and having those stories. Whether that person moves into remission and lives another 40 years, 60 years, or there's that acute instance like yours where that person is no longer with us. Um, there's an opportunity there to really make an impact on somebody else's life. And that's where the uniqueness and that very special connection that you're gonna have is gonna catapult you to 10 years, 20 years, 30 years, and you're just gonna keep stacking all of those people you helped. And I think that that is one of the most selfless things you can do, and I respect the heck out of you for that, but then also one of the most rewarding things that you can do, and I'm really looking forward to your journey through this and anything that you would need. I don't know what you would need from me. I'm not I I honestly don't like I don't know what you need from me because you got it figured out pretty quickly, too. Um, because you're a smart guy and you have Megan now. So like she helps a lot, yeah. Yeah, so I I think I think there's gonna be uh some I I know there's going to be a lot of really great stuff that comes from that, and I'm just looking forward to seeing you to the point of like where we are at in our lives right now. Like the amount of growth that you're gonna get out of this is gonna be incredible. And Brecken's gonna watch you do this, and I can say from personal experience with Lily, like that will be one of the coolest things that you'll ever see.

SPEAKER_01 2:04:39

Yeah, I fully agree with that. I'm speaking actually at the uh Coaches vs. Cancer Gala in Madison, Wisconsin tomorrow night for the American Cancer Society, and we're taking Brecken out of school early to go to that. So like he's just been part of this world and seeing me share the story that someday he will share the story. We're riding in uh I'm riding in 100 miles next week for uh for raising money for the Remember to Live Foundation through Aurora Baycare uh clinic, their their century ride. Brecken is riding 15 miles on that and now raising money, so like he's actively becoming a part of it, and it's yep, it's super cool to and and rewarding and fulfilling to help these families, but maybe in a selfish way, it's even more impactful to see Brecon stepping into that and caring about now. He's 10 years old, but he's already recognizing the importance of helping people, and that's maybe a dad win right there.

SPEAKER_02 2:05:33

No, I think that's definitely a dad win, and I think uh honestly, uh I think that he uh subconsciously or intrinsically understands everything that's going on.

SPEAKER_01 2:05:42

I don't disagree with that at all.

SPEAKER_02 2:05:44

There, there is I I think kids like Lily, kids like Brecken, they have this connection to what was and what could be, and that's a very unique connection. Um, and you fostering his ability to do something really, really good with it allows him to have a positive release outside of like having a fist in his pocket growing up that he never knew his mom.

SPEAKER_01 2:06:10

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_02 2:06:11

So next week is the ride?

SPEAKER_01 2:06:13

Next Saturday, next Saturday, June 6th. So I think this will actually come out after the ride. So like two days ago, three days ago.

SPEAKER_02 2:06:18

Okay. Well, okay, so we're time traveling here. Yeah, I know. Walk so you've been how long how often have you been training?

SPEAKER_01 2:06:26

Uh I've been training for seven weeks for the most part. I have ridden 400 miles in seven weeks, which is only four times the amount that I'm gonna be riding in one day. The most I've ridden is 60 miles at one given time. So two-thirds of the way there. How hard could 100 be then?

SPEAKER_02 2:06:48

That's the naive optimism coming out. Uh so where's the ride?

SPEAKER_01 2:06:54

We start on the east side of Green Bay. We ride to Lake Michigan, south a little bit, and then back to Aurora Bay Care Hospital on the east side. So it's it's a 100-mile loop.

SPEAKER_02 2:07:05

Yep. How many people are doing the ride with you?

SPEAKER_01 2:07:07

We have seven people on the Remember to Live team. Uh, me, Christina is riding 100 miles. Ross is on the fence about 100 miles or 60 miles. Uh Ben is uh on the fence between 60 and 30 miles, and then Brecon is doing the 15-mile ride. And in order for him to ride, he needed some adult chaperones. So his grandparents, Lauren's parents, are riding 15 miles with Brecon, and then I'm riding the 100 miles as well. So we I had a I had a goal to when riding this that each rider was gonna raise a thousand dollars. Like that would be awesome if me, Christina, Ben, and Ross could raise a thousand dollars, and then I was gonna put in a little bit more work and I just set the goal for $5,000 for the team.

SPEAKER_03 2:07:50

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 2:07:51

And then like that, we uh surpassed that. Like, oh shit, now I need to raise the goal, so then it was $7,500, and then we got really close to that, so then I raised it to $10,000. Yep. Right now we're sitting at $12,800, so then I'm I raised it to $15,000. So right now we are looking at ballpark, one family vacation for remember to live. We're estimating about $12,000 total, all of a sudden on flights, hotels, food, excursions, all the things we're gonna be $12,000 deep per family vacation. So by this sole ride, we're we're sending one family on a family vacation to create memories that will last for the rest of all their lives, whether that's another year, the kids for the rest of their life for 70 years that they had this time with their their mom, or however long any of it is. So impactful. Yeah. Oh and that'll make the 100 miles maybe a little bit easier to ride than too. That's what I think that's what I'm telling myself.

SPEAKER_02 2:08:50

No, I think I think knowing that and right, like helping one person.

SPEAKER_01 2:08:55

For sure.

SPEAKER_02 2:08:55

Yeah, just think about that one that like as you're at mile 80 and your taint is on fire. Just think about like that one, that one person who is going to who's gonna catapult you to the next person, to the next person, to the next person.

SPEAKER_00 2:09:12

Definitely, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:09:13

So like is this a so I gotta I gotta so you have seven people on your team, but this is like a pre-scheduled ride, like you're riding in an actual ride that happens on a regular basis.

SPEAKER_01 2:09:22

I've done this for a handful of years, this ride. Yep, and I had this vision to to create a ride like this, and I was talking with the marketing team over at Baycare Clinic and just talking about like the logistics of of creating a hundred mile ride. I had a hundred I had completing a hundred mile ride on my bucket list 15 years ago. Yeah, so I was like, Yep, I want to create this event selfishly, I can check this off unselfishly, it'd be a fundraiser for Remember to Live Foundation. And they're like, Well, rather than you go into the logistics, why don't we just give you a team for our century ride? That sounds way better because why reinvent the wheel? Why complicate things when there's an opportunity? And and maybe at some point we could or would do that, but we'll start here and see how it grows.

SPEAKER_02 2:10:08

Yeah. Are other people that are doing the ride doing um donations for any other nonprofits? Don't you know?

SPEAKER_01 2:10:14

I do not know. The ride itself is a fundraiser for different nonprofits that are involved with Baycare Clinic. Uh, so they they divvy out the funds to help different nonprofits, their own foundation and and a handful of other local ones, but we're we're doing this sort of separately adjacent to their event. Yeah. Fundraising for us.

SPEAKER_02 2:10:36

Yeah. I think and seven your first year. And when did when did you decide that you were gonna do this?

SPEAKER_01 2:10:42

Was it like this late winter, early spring?

SPEAKER_02 2:10:44

I was gonna say it was February, March? Yeah. So to get seven people your first year, and if you can just piggyback off of that event and bring more people to that event and bring more um um eyes and uh awareness to it, I think that you're gonna be able to develop this into something that piggybacking on an event that already exists that is a revenue generator for you.

SPEAKER_01 2:11:12

I would agree. And I think the the the coolest maybe maybe point of success or where I've seen some successes for the first year the fundraising, anytime a name comes through, for the most part, I like know who it is, or at least know who knows who it is. Yep. Two degrees of separation. Now there's people that are donating, like not a clue who that person is. Yeah, that part to me is okay, we are making some sort of a difference. What we're doing here is resonating with people, yeah, the message itself, not just because they know me, because our mission is resonating with a stranger.

SPEAKER_02 2:11:49

Yep. I think there's uh yeah, because I like when you start getting into the event space and it's literally just like friends and family that show up to it, and you're basically putting on a part. Asking them for money. Right. Right. Or a golf outing asking them for money. It becomes almost like it, it gets it gets exhausting. Um, and I'm I'm happy for you that that's happening early on because I would say that even with the golf outing for the first probably like five years, it was just like family and friends.

SPEAKER_01 2:12:18

It's like, oh yeah, yeah, good to see you again. Thanks again.

SPEAKER_02 2:12:21

Yeah, thanks again. Oh, by the way, we have another event coming up in like six months, and they're like, Oh, great. Like, you kind of feel like you're pumping the same group of people. And when somebody, so like in Lauren's case, like when she was sick for her entire life, like when I say that that family, the Hartman Niskojak family, like pumped in millions of dollars, like it was millions of dollars, year and year, year over year, all of that stuff. And to your point of seeing like new names, right? Like those new people, I'll see like somebody come through for the golf on me and I'll be like, I'll immediately go to Facebook.

SPEAKER_01 2:12:54

Oh, for sure.

SPEAKER_02 2:12:55

I know, yeah. Yeah, and you're like, oh great.

SPEAKER_01 2:12:58

So zero mutual friends, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:13:00

Zero, yeah. This person actually believes in what I'm doing. And I think so. Uh I'll this isn't right, wrong, or indifferent, but like in the can't like in the cancer space, I think there's a lot of people that resonate with that.

SPEAKER_01 2:13:15

Because somehow that has touched their life almost immediately.

SPEAKER_02 2:13:19

Yes. And uh, and to your point of like those larger organizations, there's way more larger organizations that are supporting cancer research. I like your foundation because it's one-to-one, it's personal. Um, and you have a like specific person or a specific thing that that money went for, which I think is I think that that is that's where you win, right? And so the cancer space, like when somebody like latches on to what you're doing, and they're like, holy shit, especially the story that you have, like, there's a lot of people who are probably thinking, Man, I wish, right? Like, I wish I would have had somebody who was that invested in my overall happiness and long-term memory making at the time that I was going through what I was going through. You know what I mean? And I think that that's gonna be a really great opportunity for you to share what you have to share.

SPEAKER_01 2:14:17

I hope so.

SPEAKER_02 2:14:18

I know so. Great, yeah. So ride next weekend, last weekend, something like that. Time warp. What other things do you like? What other ways? Um, what other ways are you going to be developing fundraising?

SPEAKER_01 2:14:39

As you are approaching or just did, depending on time time warp, uh, your 10th annual golf outing. I'm gonna write on I'm gonna write on a parade here. I don't want to do just another golf outing. I don't want to do just another gala. Everyone does them.

SPEAKER_02 2:14:56

I didn't want to do a golf outing. That's fair. You're right. You're right. Um to be clear, but I said no golf out.

SPEAKER_01 2:15:02

But everyone does them because they work.

SPEAKER_02 2:15:04

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 2:15:05

So am I just being stubborn by saying I don't want to do that? But what I do want to do, like I said, the sentry ride was on my bucket list. When we are sending these moms on a family vacation, I want to get to know the mom and I want to find out what a dream of hers is or a bucket list item, and I want to help her check that item off or fulfill a dream. Um, I think that sparks from my Lauren had a dream to see a panda bear in real life. Her her cancer came back. We were scheduled to go to St. Lucia in the Caribbean, and literally the day before our flight, she had to go to emergency surgery because one of her spacer implants after the mastectomy was literally failing and causing some infection. So at two in the morning, sitting in the waiting room for her to get out of surgery, I'm calling airlines and hotels and saying, we got to cancel medical emergency, all these things, fighting with the refund and doing all these things. I was expecting not to go on vacation that week. She wakes up from surgery, take her home. She's laying in bed, you know, 7 a.m. the following morning after a handful of hours of sleep. She wakes up, she's like, We're still going somewhere.

SPEAKER_02 2:16:25

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 2:16:25

Like, okay, where do we want to go? And we decided San Diego Zoo because that's where panda bears are. San Diego Zoo and Washington, D.C. Zoo were the only ones at the time in North America that had panda bears. So like Lauren checked off a bucket list item of hers to see a panda bear. So I want to do that for other moms. So for the fundraising side of things, I want to incorporate bucket list items. So, like, a pipe dream of mine, how awesome would it be to sell 15 tickets? You skydive and you land in a field and you land at a at a dinner table, and now it's like a five-course wine dinner pairing in the middle of a beautiful field after you just checked off an item of skydiving, and now you're have a celebrity chef cooking dinner for you. Something like absolutely ridiculous like that. Check an item off a bucket list and fundraise at the same time.

SPEAKER_02 2:17:17

Yeah. And I think so, like one of the one of the biggest, so uh I'm really bad at uh asking people for money. Uh this which sounds insane, right?

SPEAKER_01 2:17:28

Like run a nonprofit. I work in sales.

SPEAKER_02 2:17:31

Yeah, I work in sales and I run a nonprofit, but I've always traditionally been really bad at like asking people for money. Okay. Or like asking people to help something that I believe in. I think the uh what's really cool about what you just articulated is giving people an opportunity to get something in order to give.

SPEAKER_01 2:17:51

That's yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:17:52

And I think that a lot of nonprofits miss out on that because they do a golf outing with um a silent auction or they do betting holes or they do a live auction or a meat raffle. Like you're getting something for doing that, okay? But what are you actually getting? You're getting stuff, okay? And I can tell you right now that behind us, like over there, is a bunch of stuff, okay, that I don't really want, right? I hide my stuff in order to get experiences like a podcast or lifting weights or working out. And I think that the genius of what you just said is somebody gets to get an experience to give an experience.

SPEAKER_01 2:18:41

That's a really good correlation.

SPEAKER_02 2:18:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:18:45

I like that.

SPEAKER_02 2:18:45

You get an experience to give an experience. And I think, regardless of somebody actually wanting to skydive That's why there's only 15 people because it's not many people will do it. Yeah, I think uh outside of somebody wanting to skydive, okay, like you could still get people who are like, I'm gonna pay you not to not to skydive.

SPEAKER_01 2:19:05

I've had a lot of people say, Can I just pay you to not ride in that 100-mile bike ride? You sure can.

SPEAKER_02 2:19:09

Yeah, that would be perfect. In fact, I would appreciate that while uh I'm I'm suffering for a hundred miles, so maybe particularly miles 80 through 100, where you don't have to suffer with me because we don't need to jointly suffer to help other people. Now, if you want to suffer with me, I would be happy to suffer with you. Right. I'm not gonna suffer with you because clearly I am not a in biking shape. All right, never was. But I think uh I think get getting an experience to give an experience is I think there's a lot of power in that. And as I'm like thinking about that, now my brain's going a million miles an hour.

SPEAKER_01 2:19:46

I think that's where we both resonate too, is we're both idea people.

SPEAKER_02 2:19:49

Yep. I got a lot of ideas.

SPEAKER_01 2:19:52

Same here.

SPEAKER_02 2:19:53

It's what gets me in trouble. Yeah. With things, things of like this, yeah. Yeah. So is this your first is this ride? This is like your first big one.

SPEAKER_01 2:20:07

This is the first big one. There was a small one last October. The beer. The pink one. Uh did a pink beer with Cocoon Brewing in Green Bay, and that was not even my idea. I hosted a beer podcast, brewery podcast for five years. We have had four winter outdoor beer festivals. So, like, why I never thought of this, I don't really know. Uh, I was on my honeymoon with Megan, and she said, October's coming up. What are you gonna be doing for the Remember to Live Foundation? Why don't you reach out to Cocoon who brewed a beer for our wedding and see if they want see if they want to brew a pink beer for you? So I reached out to the owner who I knew, yeah, and he's like, actually, we already have two pink beers on the docket. Would you like to do one of these with us? Like, yep. Why sometimes all you have to do is ask, and then it's just the yes from someone else is so simple.

SPEAKER_02 2:20:56

Yeah. Yeah, you're not you're not wrong. Yeah. So what are you doing this October?

SPEAKER_01 2:21:03

I haven't thought that far ahead because I've been training for a hundred-mile bike ride. So maybe I need to think a little bit farther ahead and plan maybe another pink beer.

SPEAKER_02 2:21:11

I think I think the it's it's now I think now you have to do a pink beer every day.

SPEAKER_01 2:21:15

Become become a thing.

SPEAKER_02 2:21:16

That's how you get to 10 years worth of doing things.

SPEAKER_01 2:21:18

Exactly. Uh, I was doing fundraising for the American Cancer Society uh through the at the time Real Men Wear Pink campaign, getting guys involved in the fight against breast cancer. I wrapped my Jeep pink and drove around with a pink Jeep Wrangler for three months, and that was awesome. So, like, I don't know, it's just doing fun, quirky things, and that's where like I don't want to do a golf auditing, I don't want to do a gala, I want to do something different than other nonprofits, than other fundraisers. And how do you think outside the box? But then I struggle with it. Am I just being different for the sake of being different? And on the same side of that, on the different side of that same coin is like that's okay. I want to be different.

SPEAKER_02 2:21:56

Yeah, and I don't think uh so one of the things that we always talk about at Breath of Life Foundation is like we invented this, we get to do whatever we want. Yep, it can literally it can literally be whatever we want. If we want to rules, yeah. There are no rules as long as you file your taxes every year and like the government might have rules, but yeah, other than that, no, no, so the thing that I like to say is um you're not thinking like outside of the box because you're fundraising, you're on the peripheries of the box because it's still it's all fundraising, right? So you're not you're not rein you're you're just on like the outside where nobody else is because like right now with what we do, the most awkward, like the the most creative thing we do is the motorcycle ride. Most motorcycle rides are well like are people like like me, like I fit in there. Um, that's like the that's like the one like outlier as far as things that we do, but it's still in the box, you're still making money towards bringing people into your your sphere of what you're trying to help with. And I think you know, the but the bike ride, I think seven people your first year to raise twelve thousand dollars or fifteen thousand dollars, I think you'll double that next year. I think because you're gonna have a full year to talk about what you're doing, I think you need to do another pink beer, right? I think that's just I was at the event, it was a banger. Please come. Uh so like I think next year you do the you do the pink beer again and you just you just start stacking those those events and those things. I would say that you know, as somebody who's in the event, like the event space, like three events a year is a lot.

SPEAKER_01 2:23:36

Yeah, yeah. But but the cool thing is with the bike ride, with the pink beer, we're sort of riding someone else's coattails as well. We're not completely creating an event, yep, which is helpful. Yes, yeah, you still have to do some work, you still have to make the asks for the fundraising, but at the same time, we don't have to necessarily plan an event from zero to event.

SPEAKER_02 2:23:59

You don't have to plan and execute and have people stay stationed every 25 miles for people who pass out. Correct. Like you don't need to do that because somebody else is doing it. And piggybacking on those events is gonna be powerful, and you're gonna people are gonna naturally ask, oh, what's going on over there? Or what is that? What are these people all wearing pink? And what is remember to live? And then they found they find um you online and then they like your page, and then people that you never even heard of decide to donate to for sure. Yeah, you're not creating an event from like start to finish. And while you say, like, I don't want to do a golf outing, or I don't want to do a gala, I agree, I like again, I don't even want to do a golf outing or a gala. I wish I was as creative as you are. Um, but there's a reason why people do them, you know, because they work, yeah, because they work. I mean, I'm I'm definitely like I wanted to do a beer with Stubborn Brothers in May this year. I just ran out of time.

SPEAKER_01 2:24:57

Yeah, and they just they just put a call out for nonprofit for June, and I messaged them twice. They've they left me on red. Cocoon, not cocoon, sorry, stubborn brothers, come on, bros.

SPEAKER_02 2:25:08

Aaron, do I need to give this guy your cell phone number?

SPEAKER_01 2:25:12

I sat in an interview with Aaron one time, actually.

SPEAKER_02 2:25:15

I'm gonna text them before you leave. I'm honest to God, I'm gonna text him.

SPEAKER_01 2:25:19

I'm gonna be like, hey, what maybe we should end the podcast right now. That's a good one to end up with.

SPEAKER_02 2:25:24

No, I think, yeah. I they're doing the um pint the pints for a purpose.

SPEAKER_01 2:25:28

Pints for a purpose, yeah. And they were looking for a nonprofit in June. Yeah. And we just officially got our our very own 501c3 status before we were under the umbrella of the community foundation. Oh, so we are legit standalone. We have our own EIN nonprofit number, which is pretty amazing.

SPEAKER_02 2:25:45

Yeah, I know, yeah. So were you you were under the Green Bay Community Foundation? So you're operating under that.

SPEAKER_01 2:25:51

So that so we were using their 51c3 number. So when people donated, it was still tax deductible. Yeah, we were just underneath their umbrella, and they they still hold our funds, but yeah, but remember to lift foundation is its own nonprofit.

SPEAKER_02 2:26:03

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:26:03

Legally, not we weren't illegal before, but standalone legally.

SPEAKER_02 2:26:07

Yeah, I get it. So when did that happen?

SPEAKER_01 2:26:09

Three weeks ago.

SPEAKER_02 2:26:10

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 2:26:10

Like it just happened. We just I just got the IRS letter.

SPEAKER_02 2:26:14

Good thing.

SPEAKER_01 2:26:15

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:26:16

Yeah, so that was that was so people can now write checks to you like directly to Rumberloof Foundation. Before, or did they write it to the community?

SPEAKER_01 2:26:23

They could write it to the community foundation.

SPEAKER_02 2:26:25

You just had to sign it over.

SPEAKER_01 2:26:27

No, like they mailed it there, they did everything. They just had to somehow insinuate that it was going to the Remberloo Foundation and then put it right into our fund. So it was it was it was simple. Yeah, but it just feels good that we are our own entity now. Yeah, may might feel a little bit more legit.

SPEAKER_02 2:26:41

I mean, you were I feel like you were legit before, but maybe it's my own self uh self-worth. Now you're like a business owner, right? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:26:48

Now I have to file my own taxes, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:26:50

Right. Uh, so you're speaking, so you spoke at uh coaches for cancer in Madison.

SPEAKER_01 2:26:58

Yep. So they are giving away a day away from cancer to a family. Uh they're sending them on a long weekend to Lake Geneva, and they have asked me to do the speaking and introduce what they're doing. Uh, it's a parallel to what Remember to Live is doing for a family, uh, maybe on a little bit of a bigger scale, but the importance and the impact of why is time away from cancer? Why is a day away from cancer so impactful for a family who is experiencing a cancer diagnosis? Yeah, it's the the medical bills, the worry about the future, the doctor's appointments, the the surgeries, the recovery, the nausea, all of the things that make cancer such a centerfold in everyday life that robs a family from normal everyday life.

SPEAKER_02 2:27:44

Yeah. The am I gonna get another one of these?

SPEAKER_01 2:27:47

Just get it, just get away from it. Yep. Like, yeah, it's still there in the back of your mind, but maybe it's a little bit of a distraction. Yeah. Which maybe some mental health people are gonna say that's not always healthy, but it's needed to at times.

SPEAKER_02 2:27:59

I think getting away from something that encompasses your entire life is probably a good thing every once in a while. That's true, yes. Yeah, yeah, because that's why I drink. I'm just kidding. So, yeah. I well, good luck with that. I mean, congratulations on that. Thank you. Well done. Yes, thank you. Yeah, is Brecken and Megan going? Yep, okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:28:19

Yep, yep. So they'll be there and Brecken will see that whole thing again.

SPEAKER_00 2:28:24

That's good. Yeah, perfect.

SPEAKER_01 2:28:26

Well, thanks for sitting down and talking through Breath of Life and literally everything else and being um motivational.

SPEAKER_00 2:28:33

I don't know how motivational I am. You are very insightful. Maybe. Don't be so self-deprecating. It's the humility part of me.

SPEAKER_01 2:28:41

There you go. All right, cool. Appreciate it, brother. Oh, this is official. Thanks for listening to the Memento Viveri project. I hope this episode reminded you that the life you dream about is not as far away as it feels. It may push you outside your comfort zone, it may take discipline and courage, but it only takes one small step today to put you on the path toward your ideal future. Life is a project, and remember to live it. So here's your challenge. Don't just listen to this episode, do something with it. Write down one dream, one adventure, one conversation, or one step you've been putting off and determine how you are going to take action on it this week. And if this episode moved you in any way, share it with someone else who could benefit from it. Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss other inspirational stories. And please leave a review. Help us build a community of people who are chasing dreams, building their ideal lives, and living intentionally. Until next time, Memento Vivere. Remember to live.