S1 E11: Ever feel like you’re meant for something bigger?

Embracing More: Navigating Gratitude and Desire in Motherhood and Midlife

In this heartfelt episode of 'Motherhood and the Messy Middle,' Robin and Nicole tackle the complex interplay between gratitude and the desire for more in the journey of motherhood and midlife. They explore the societal pressures on women to remain content and avoid 'taking up too much space,' while encouraging listeners to embrace their desires for more purpose, passion, and fulfillment. Robin shares personal challenges, including her journey through addiction and recovery, highlighting the importance of community, vulnerability, and starting small in pursuing one's calling. The episode underscores the message that wanting more does not equate to ingratitude but signifies being alive and human. Through relatable conversations and honest reflections, this episode aims to create a supportive virtual village where mothers can feel seen, supported, and empowered to navigate their unique paths with confidence.

00:00 Introduction: Embracing Desire and Gratitude
00:40 Meet the Hosts: Robin and Nicole
01:29 The Struggle with Wanting More
03:51 Taking Up Space: Embracing Self-Worth
06:52 Balancing Ambition and Recovery
10:02 The Power of Community and Support
15:31 Navigating Motherhood and Personal Growth
21:18 Conclusion: Gratitude and Desire Can Coexist
22:36 Resource Vault: Tools for Moms

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Transcript

robin: 0:00

What if you're grateful, but still want more? Maybe it's more purpose, more passion, more space to breathe, just more of being you. Can you want more without feeling guilty? Welcome to Motherhood and the Messy Middle, where we are reminding you that desire is not about discontent and wanting more doesn't make you ungrateful. It makes you alive.

0:31

Welcome to motherhood and the Messy Middle where grade school meets grown kids. Hot flashes meet holy fire, and no topic is too messy for this village. I'm Robin. One half of the voice behind this podcast. Nicole and I are two moms who slid into each other's dms and built a virtual village where we are inviting you in into our honest, healing, and often hilarious conversations. Help you feel not so alone. In the beautiful chaos of motherhood and midlife, we talk about what it really means to mother to grow, to fall apart and rebuild spiritually, emotionally, hormonally, and sometimes all before breakfast. So whether you're in the thick of motherhood, facing perimenopause, praying hard, or just tired of pretending, you're fine. This face is for you. Let's dive in.

robin: 1:24

Hey, friend.

nicole: 1:25

Hey.

robin: 1:26

Welcome to a juicy one. Uh, Nicole, I feel like this is one of those conversations that many moms are having in their heads, but not out loud, and it's one that. We've been told so much as women and as mothers to be thankful. Mm-hmm. To stay content, don't rock the boat. Mm-hmm. You know, look at how many different things you have compared to backer ma day or even compared to other people. Right? Like, there's access and different levels of, of, of privilege, but are we allowed to be grateful for what we have and still want more? What do you think? Yeah.

nicole: 2:06

Yes, absolutely. Okay. I think for me, I remember the first time that I said to a girlfriend, do you ever feel like you're just meant for more? Like, there's more to come. You're on the edge of something exciting. And she was like, no. And I was like, oh, so am I the weirdo. It was a very honest, she wasn't making me feel bad at all, but I felt like I was being so vulnerable and I kind of thought everybody else felt that way and she was like, no, not really. And then I realized that is just one person. And as I got bolder to ask more people that like, no, there is a large handful of us. That do feel that way. I'm so grateful, but also,, there's a desire for something more. Well, that's doing

robin: 2:44

this podcast, right? Yeah. Like this is something that has been placed on both of our hearts and Yeah. I have wrestled so much with the business part of me because I, and what I have found is that truly being an entrepreneur and building a business. It's beyond creating the content, it's putting it out there.

3:07

Mm-hmm.

robin: 3:08

Has really challenged my identity and what level of self-worth I truly have. Yeah. I know that. I, I, I know that when I am in front of people and working with women, it's amazing. Mm-hmm. It's incredible.

3:23

Mm-hmm.

robin: 3:24

For them, it's, it's not, it's this light Right. That I can see and that they can can get to their goals around. Yeah. What it is that they wanna work on, and that what I'm offering is so unique and what we're doing in this podcast is that way. And yet there is part of me that is afraid

3:43

to

robin: 3:44

put that out there in the world because I'm not supposed to be that big.

nicole: 3:48

Right. There's something. So I started taking yoga probably about a year ago, and thanks to Robin and Nama day, there was, I remember this first yoga class, and I'd probably heard the term before, but we were doing I don't, I like, is it a star pose or your arms, your arms are out really wide. And the instructor said take up space. And I thought what a visual representation I am allowed to take up space and it's good and I'm worthy of that. It was this really powerful moment for me that something shifted I'm allowed to take up space.

robin: 4:25

You are this place for

nicole: 4:26

me.

robin: 4:27

And the thing that I think for me. I've worried about is that if I take up space, does that diminish other people's space?

nicole: 4:37

Right. So the way that I feel like that is, is like just how my friend said no. That she doesn't, that doesn't, it, we, it just like solidified for me that like we each have our own journeys. There was nothing wrong with her answer and there's nothing wrong with my answer. And that we're both powerful in different ways. Her role is needed just as much as my role is needed, but they're both individual. And there's, there's space for each of them,

robin: 5:02

right? Absolutely. I think the challenge becomes that there are people in the world, and especially when we get into people that have fame, that have power, that are, are leaders in the world, that mm-hmm. The, it's the power over and it's the wanting to hold the spotlight on themselves versus. To be able to take up more space to shine that on others. Mm-hmm. And that's part of my calling and yours. Mm-hmm. And yet there is still this sense of why can't it be enough? You know, why, why, why am I, I I wrestle with it. I, I still wrestle with it. I think that's fair. It's, it's, I mean, it's really vulnerable for me to a admit that, but I have to model the things that I teach. Yeah. And it's part of. A practice that I'm continuing to examine mm-hmm. Of knowing my own worth in order to be able to shine that light for others. And imagine if, if all moms knew that and were able to do that

nicole: 6:07

well, yeah. Because even if you think about like, if, if you didn't have the boldness to step into. Your business and and what your calling is, then we would've never met. Yeah. And then, and my life has been so benefited by your friendship that I, that would have shifted who I was,

robin: 6:29

I same. And

nicole: 6:30

then, and, and then now we're coming together and we're committing this, we're creating this virtual village that I hope will impact other women, and there will be this ripple effect. And please don't ever stop taking up space because we all need you.

6:43

Mm.

nicole: 6:44

Well,

robin: 6:45

what is the difference? Like how can you help me discern between, okay, now I'm gonna get very real. I wanted, I want, the question is, I wanna help discern the difference between like an unhealthy striving Yeah. Versus like this holy calling and desire. Oh gosh. And what I'm realizing as I'm saying this and where the vulnerability comes in is that. I know this is not everyone's journey, but mm-hmm. I am a recovering addict.

7:14

Mm-hmm.

robin: 7:15

And my recovery and stepping into the world of recovery came at a very, very dark and deep mm-hmm. Rock bottom. Mm-hmm. And as part of that, I was humbled, like mm-hmm. Beyond belief. Mm-hmm. And at some point. I would like to share that story. Yeah. It is mine to share. Mm-hmm. There are aspects of it that aren't, and I, I, I want to, to take time to really, you know, tend to what, what God calls me to share. Mm-hmm. Because I know that it can inspire others, but the biggest piece for me is that there was some trauma around. I was getting too big, like mm-hmm. My, I was self-centered and it was, it was my, and then you, you throw the, the alcohol on the fire and all of a sudden I am literally a different person than I am today. Mm-hmm. And I'm afraid

8:17

mm-hmm. Of

robin: 8:18

being that person again. Mm-hmm. I'm afraid if I become too big

8:24

mm-hmm.

robin: 8:24

Is that the addict in me? Is that, is that. Going to cause me to almost lose my family. I don't, I don't know.

nicole: 8:34

The first thing that I think of is remember how in one episodes we were saying if you ask if you're a good mom, then that's your first answer. That's your answer. Yeah. I feel like this could apply to that too. If you're asking that question, that that in itself could be an answer. Right. That awareness.

robin: 8:52

I that you're right. I mean, that's part of what, you know, I've done so much work to look at how do you transform energy and how do you shift into alignment? And the first step is awareness. I guess I also

nicole: 9:04

think just from the outside perspective, as we've navigated these last two years of friendship and, you know, sharing business ideas and struggles and starting different, courses and different workbooks and different things. You are very in tune with what feels in alignment and what doesn't. And when, when you start something and it's clear that it's not in alignment, you pull it back. I feel you really honor that and I feel like those, and I,'cause I feel this way because it's how it, I feel like it is for me. When I know that it's from the Lord, it's really easy to step into. That calling. And I feel like if we stay in tune with and being in alignment with what the Lord's calling us to, then it's almost like it has its own checks and balances. Mm. But maybe I'm wrong because I've not experienced what you've experienced, but just from an outside perspective, I feel like I see you do that. Like is this an alignment? And if it's not, you adjust

robin: 9:59

well and. Thank you for that. And one of the things that came to me as you were talking is that you are talking to me that I am not doing this alone. Mm-hmm. And I can't do it alone. I can't shine my light and. Strive for more, whether that be making more money or having more of an impact, whatever it is, or a different passion that I want to pursue a different career choice that it might be without community, right? Without That is for me. A, a way, the, one of the, one of the many ways that God speaks to me is through the voice of others. Like that's what communication, even the work, like the word commune communication. Mm-hmm. It's like, right. That's how I hear God. Yeah. Talk and. Having this conversation, this was one of'em that I was like, Nicole, I don't know if I wanna do this one.'cause I don't really know where I'm gonna go with it because it feels I wasn't expecting to talk about addiction and recovery.

nicole: 11:12

Right. But

robin: 11:13

that's the root of it for me. Right. And though that might not be the root of it for someone else, my greatest hope is that through the vulnerability of being able to share that and how. Many misconceptions there can be about what an addict looks like or what recovery could look like, that I can shine a little bit of light on it and that people can take inspiration that whatever it might be for them.

11:37

Mm-hmm.

robin: 11:38

It's okay to feel uncomfortable and it's okay to reach out to a friend and ask about it, and just the awareness and shining light on it, voicing it. Means that you're doing something with it, you're moving it. Mm-hmm.

11:52

Mm-hmm. In

robin: 11:53

order to create and take up more space. Mm-hmm. And even when you did this and you did, you know, the, the taking more space mm-hmm. With the star pose. Wow. That's like setting you up for a really good hug, you know? Yeah, yeah. And to even reach out to more people. The more space that we take up as moms, the more, the more space that we have at our table, the more people we can feed.

12:18

Mm-hmm.

robin: 12:19

That's, that's different between. Wanting more space just because we have a little visitor. For those of you Hi. Hi. My, one of my that, this is Burrito, one of my two kittens who just got neutered. So they are, we're in, they're hanging out with mama. He saw me taking up more space so he knew yes, that he could come up on my lap.

nicole: 12:38

That was his thing. And,

robin: 12:39

but that is a, a difference, right? Because that's doing it in service.

nicole: 12:46

Right. Right, right. Absolutely. And I think that, and not that everything

robin: 12:50

has to be in service though. I think as women we, sometimes it's, it, it, we can get confused with that, that it's like everything has to be for other people.

nicole: 12:59

Right. And I just, I wanna go back to that. If, if, if you do feel like you're meant for more and you started venturing into different avenues and you find, Maybe this isn't actually for me, that's okay too. Honor your season that you're in and knowing that, I have felt this way since my kids were very little, but I, there's nothing I, I can, it was just kind of there simmering. There wasn't anything I could do about it, but I knew they would come. I was hopeful that they would come a time and a place when what I was walking through, the Lord would use. And that I feel like feels even more powerful when you know you're using and the Lord has taken you through something and then it makes it, you feel even better. Like, oh, it wasn't this kind of like you're talking about with addiction. It wasn't this really awful thing that that's all it is. You were a, were able to turn it into something beautiful like you were saying, and shine light on it. And that's really powerful. And also that there's a place for all of us E whether you feel called for more or not, like there's no shame in either one. I guess like I just, I remember once for soccer, we had a new soccer family join the soccer team, and she was really great at coordinating the coaches gifts and the snacks and whatever, and I remember reaching out to her and saying like, thank you for using your gift of organization to benefit this team because. I'm awful at it and I will give you the money and I will donate the juice and I will do all of the things, but I can't organize anything and I'm so grateful that you are using your gift in this way so that I can use my gifts in this way, but I can't use this gift without you using yours. And they just all compliment each other really well when we walk and what our calling is. Well,

robin: 14:38

I appreciate you sharing that so much because that is a, a way that all of us as moms can relate to and that we also. Can get trapped in comparison. Yes. I think it's a good, oh, she's such a good gift giver. I should give that good of a gift. And it's right. You know, that does, that's not necessary. We can each show up in our own brain and I

nicole: 14:59

appreciate, like, and also I think it speaks to if you show up and you feel like you're too much, I am taking up too much space and I'm too domineering, or I'm, I'm too assertive, or I appreciate those gifts. I, you know, like for this soccer mom example, that's not a gift that I had. We can appreciate the gifts in others without comparing ourselves to them and appreciate that they compliment each other, they benefit other people. We can see that beauty in each other.

robin: 15:26

Yeah. I, with the space to be able to recognize it. Yes. With that, the awareness and the pause, I, it again gets to, you know, this messy middle time is. A lot of the different things are going on, and if we don't have space to be able to look at our thoughts and recognize when it, it is coming into like a comparison or a reaction that isn't true, that is more of. You know, not the, not the holiest like calling for us. Mm-hmm. Then we can check that and, and lean out of it. But what I get caught up in so much is I'm so busy. I'm so busy and there's so many things and so then all of a sudden it's like, oh, and now it's another event and you know, we just. We're, we're recording this in summer and we just recently are still recovering from May, which I've seen such good. Insane May. Yes. Mayhem May Vember. I've heard it, yes. Mm-hmm. And it's for real. And there's just so many events that we're coordinating and doing and the way in which we're supposed to show up and it, I wish that we had more. Ability to connect in the way that you just said that we could rely on each other. That's where we are meant to be in villages, right? Because if we each are shining our own strengths, where right now for most of us as moms, we are having to show up in all of these ways, even ones that aren't necessarily our gifts because we not just isolated. Yeah. And it's not just that, it's like. Expectation is because we want to, like, we wanna show our gratitude to towards the teachers, right? We want to, you know, flex our time off to be able to attend a field trip. And at the same time it's just a lot, right? And so then it feels like how is there even going to be time to be able to show up as more?

17:26

Mm-hmm.

robin: 17:29

Those are, that's a question I want you to answer. Please save

nicole: 17:32

this right now. I dunno. I don't know. I wish I had the answers to that because it's all valid. It's all very true. And with a little more space, and maybe that's where the act of meditation comes in. If we all just started. Building our inner fitness. Yeah, right. I

robin: 17:50

even think about like exercise. You know, there was, especially when my daughter was younger, so like 10 years ago there were a lot of people on my social media feeds and they were part of the inspiration for me to step into my own business. But they were parts of like direct sales or MLM companies. Mm-hmm. And quite a few of them were doing like the beach body thing. Right. And they were getting up at. Four 30 in the morning in order to do like the service to themselves. Mm-hmm. The exercise and like all those things are great. And now that I am in midlife, you know, I was getting up early for a, a period of time as well and going to a gym and exercising. In perimenopause and beyond. I don't have the energy for that, right? And if I force myself into that energy, I can do it, but it ends up biting me right in the behind later, right? There's a lot more colorful language, by the way, that I like to use. But I also know that little ears could be listening. So that is part of, it's true why I come up with these really great Minnesota phrases, you know? Oh yes, don't you know, but. It's a real thing that we have to know that more you can pursue it and still be present in your current life and tending to the reality of what your body and your mind and everything else needs. We just have to be a little bit creative. And that's where leaning on a friend. Mm-hmm. And talking about those dreams and not being afraid to just start with that step of. Sharing the awareness that you have that there is something more.

nicole: 19:26

Yeah. Yeah. And it really helps baby steps to get you prepared for, if you really are going to step into that calling, you really gotta own it. And so starting small, even just telling your friend, it really starts this building, the foundation of owning that proudly. Yeah. Yeah.

robin: 19:47

And as our children, you know, so much of our identity is tied to them, but as they age, they're. It's different, like the different seasons are different, but as they go out of our homes, you know, I've listened to a lot of wise women who lost their identity because they weren't taking small steps to pursue that. More of whatever it is. Or maybe it's not more, maybe it's just. You, maybe it's just lighting up something that is inside of you. Mm-hmm. That then helps when we do have seasonal shifts so that you aren't at a complete clean slate of redefining an identity. You've already, I identifi, you know, had some steps there that now you have this hobby that you're pursuing. Mm-hmm. Or yeah, you are the, um, you know, person that is running. I don't know, some event for your community or whatever it is that felt like that small step towards it.

20:51

Mm-hmm.

robin: 20:52

So I really appreciate that and I'm coming outta this conversation a better person. So I'm really grateful for that. Thank you, Nicole.

nicole: 21:00

Oh, good. Every conversation I come out of with ev oh my. Every conversation that I leave after speaking with you, I also feel like a better person. I really fumbled that up, didn't I? It would've been much smoother if I would've just gotten it right the first time. But the intention I was of what you were saying. Okay.

robin: 21:18

Okay, you, you are enough just as you are your fumbles and foils and all of those things, and that's the message that Nicole and I want to leave you with today is that gratitude and desire can coexist. Mm-hmm. You are worthy of that. You have the capacity for that. Mm-hmm. And that desire. Is you being allowed to want more. Mm-hmm. It doesn't make you selfish, it makes you human.

21:44

Mm-hmm.

robin: 21:44

So hopefully this conversation helped to normalize that and let's continue to make room for more. So thank you so much. For being with us in this conversation. If this episode or any of the episodes that you've listened to have touched your heart, please share it with another mom to help touch theirs. We need your help to continue to build this virtual village, and if you haven't already, you know it. We'd be so grateful if you just went. Right down to the bottom of wherever you're listening and give us a quick rating or review because it helps us grow a world where every mom feels seen and supported in every season to show up even when she has that little spark for more. So we're grateful that you're here with us in this journey of motherhood and the messy middle, and we're here to cheer you on every step of the way. Bye bye guys.

22:36

Hey, before you go, we've got something just for you. We created the motherhood and the messy middle resource vault. It's a growing library of support that's just for you. So inside you're gonna find tools from both Nicole and my work plus resources that we mention right here on the podcast. It's free, it's sent straight to your inbox, and it's always evolving just like you. So take what you need, leave the rest. You never know when you're gonna need it or when your group chat might thank you for it. So use the link in the show notes or head to motherhood and the messy middle.com to get access and welcome to your virtual village.