S1 E15: Surviving the Summer Sizzle: Strategies for Moms

In this episode of Motherhood and the Messy Middle, hosts Robin and Nicole discuss the challenges moms face during summer when routines collapse, and the home is always bustling with kids. Sharing personal anecdotes, they explore strategies for managing sensory overload, creating small structured routines, and setting realistic expectations to maintain mental health. They emphasize the importance of acknowledging and addressing personal thresholds for better self-care. Listeners are invited to find support in a new resource vault created by the hosts and are encouraged to rate and review the podcast to reach more moms navigating similar struggles.

00:00 Introduction: Surviving Summer as a Mom

00:54 Meet the Hosts: Robin and Nicole

01:38 Summer Challenges and Routines

02:54 The Struggle with Summer Heat

06:44 Balancing Work and Summer Camps

09:43 Adapting to Summer Without Jobs

13:36 The Perfect Christmas Gift: Waterpark Season Passes

13:59 Creating a Flexible Summer Schedule

14:31 Mental Health and Daily Routines

15:41 Teaching Responsibility with Pets

17:36 The Importance of Shared Calendars

19:17 Managing Sensory Overload

22:27 Planning and Overcoming Overwhelm

25:13 Embracing Imperfection and Finding Joy

26:24 Resource Vault for Moms

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Transcript

robin: 0:00

How do moms survive summer when kids are home 24 7, the routines go out the window and you can't remember the last time that you were alone in your own home. Summer break. It can feel like a dream and a disaster sometimes in the same hour. It's sunshine, it's sibling fights, it's popsicles and mental overload. And let's be honest, midlife, motherhood during summer, it just hits different. Welcome to this episode of Motherhood and the Messy Middle, where we're talking about how to survive and maybe even joy Summer as a mom without losing your sanity or yourself in the process.

0:45

Welcome to motherhood and the Messy Middle where grade school meets grown kids. Hot flashes meet holy fire, and no topic is too messy for this village. I'm Robin. One half of the voice behind this podcast. Nicole and I are two moms who slid into each other's dms and built a virtual village where we are inviting you in into our honest, healing, and often hilarious conversations. Help you feel not so alone. In the beautiful chaos of motherhood and midlife, we talk about what it really means to mother to grow, to fall apart and rebuild spiritually, emotionally, hormonally, and sometimes all before breakfast. So whether you're in the thick of motherhood, facing perimenopause, praying hard, or just tired of pretending, you're fine. This face is for you. Let's dive in.

robin: 1:38

Well, happy Summer Sizzle, Nicole. How you doing?

nicole: 1:42

Happy summer. We're kicking it off. It's going well. We're, a couple weeks in. How are you surviving?

robin: 1:48

I mean, I think I am not even two weeks in and um, that's right. We started

nicole: 1:55

much earlier than you did. We were out before May, the end of May.

robin: 1:59

Yeah. And so I guess for us, it's probably

nicole: 2:00

been about

robin: 2:00

a

nicole: 2:01

month.

robin: 2:01

This was a very late one for. Um, my daughter's school district, it was actually one of the latest. Yeah, she got done June 10th. When do you guys start back? Well, it was a late later start. Well, we always start the day after Labor Day, and Labor Day was really late last year. Yeah. What about you? When do you start school again? We start

nicole: 2:18

in August. We start like early August, I think the second week in August.

robin: 2:23

Well, even though we're only, you know, less than two weeks in for us, it has felt like so much summer. In fact, my, my husband was, um, reminding my daughter to be really grateful because we have just done multiple excursions. Mm-hmm. She's had her first sleepover, we even traveled for out of town. Mm-hmm. Last weekend. We're actually going on a family vacation next weekend. Mm-hmm. Um. My daughter has a summer birthday. It's just, it's a, it's a lot. It's a lot. Mm-hmm. It's a lot. And I do not do well in the summer.

nicole: 2:59

Mm-hmm.

robin: 3:00

It's an, it's an unpopular opinion.

nicole: 3:02

Why don't you do

robin: 3:03

well in the summer? Well, you know, I, I didn't really know why until I could nail it down recently, so. Mm-hmm. I was a teacher for 13 years and an administrator, and so I had summers off. Mm-hmm. There was actually two years that I was at a year long school. Um, okay. A year round school. Right. So we only had the month of August off and a week at 4th of July, and we'd have period. I loved that as a teacher. Yeah. I loved it. The reason I don't do well in summer, even when I was a teacher, is because I need routines.

nicole: 3:36

Right.

robin: 3:36

The structure. The structure, and as I have, yeah. I've gotten wiser about myself. Uh, you know, I have complex PTSD and that shows up as symptoms of A DHD. Right. And uti, like autism symptoms too, and mm-hmm. What, what helps both of those areas is. Structure, rituals and routines. Yeah. Yeah. And even in my professional life, in public education, that's what I was creating, right, was rituals and routines within classroom. Like I was given a bell schedule given and I would just work around it. Um, so summer is, is a challenge for me, or, and it always has been, and. I don't really like being hot. That's also been a challenge.

nicole: 4:20

Okay. I was telling my husband yesterday, an influencer I follow, and she said she gets seasonally depressed. In the summer because she dislikes being hot so much, so here in Idaho it's been like near hundreds. It's been hot, like it got hot super fast. And then this last weekend it dropped to the sixties. So much so that the waterpark, my son works at closed for the weekend because no one was gonna come and it's cold. I had to pull out my winter clothes again. And it was this whiplash. And I was telling him, I don't like it. It's cold. And then I was actually no, that's not true. I think I'd rather have sixties than a hundred. But you're, so you're beginning to get into my neck of the woods where you're, I I feel like I'm, I feel like I've never, we, so there was a brief moment in time when we moved to Texas about two and a half years ago. We decided we were gonna up and move our family. We went, we visited one time and then we moved our entire family down there. We only stayed there nine months'cause we disliked it so badly. Sorry, Texas. Um, and we moved back to, to Boise and that kind of heat, like I think it's been since then, even in Idaho is not, not as hot because there's no humidity. But like since Texas, I don't want anything to do with the heat. I don't necessarily love the snow, but I don't. Wanna be hot.

robin: 5:34

Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. I really like the seasonal changes and in order to have that, you need, you know, all of the different variety, but more than the heat, it really is. Well, and it's part of the heat too. I mean, for both of us living in climates where there are changes, it's like this energy of you have to be outside, you gotta get the things done because one, when you know, winter hits, you can't do these things

nicole: 5:58

well. And I feel the pressure with the heat. You, we have to get out there early or we have to get out there late because mid of the day, middle of the day, it's scorching hot. We burned so easy. My oldest son and I we're both fair skinned. We to lather up every 20 minutes or we're burnt to a crisp and then we're suffering for days and I mean, my kids are really. Well, I'm an advocate for teenagers being at parks as long as they're being respectful, but they're not like seeking to go to parks like when they were little. But even that, like the equipment's too hot for them to go play on because it's getting scorched in the sun. So I feel like my whole day is structured around the pressure of feeling like we have to get outside and we have to do something, but then if I don't have a plan, then we don't because it's too hot. And so then we're just inside.

robin: 6:44

So that would be my question to you. And you know, I try to create structure and my life has looked different at different times, but right now, as being a business owner, one of the reasons that I've even built a business is to be able to have the flexibility so that Right. I can pour into my daughter. And there have been times when I've been just, um, not just, but a straight up stay at home mom, right? And so I was creating that. I feel more pulled now trying to create, I. A schedule then, even if it was a set schedule, because mm-hmm. When it, if it was a set schedule, my daughter, we, I know what camps I would send her to. Mm-hmm. And they wouldn't be ones that would only be from nine to noon, let me tell you. They would be, why did they do that? I don't know. I do not know. And you have to pay$1 billion for them. Exactly. And you have them in January when I'm still dealing with decompression from the Christmas time and they're like, it's just quiet. It's probably

nicole: 7:37

30 minutes away. So round trip. Yep. It's gonna take you like two hours to go there, drop her off, come back home, go there, pick her up, come back home.

robin: 7:45

The kicker was last week she was in this choir camp and they were like, oh, and by the way, on Friday. The camp is only from nine to noon, four days this week, but on Friday you get to come to an informance. Now I love my daughter and I love watching her perform, but I do not need to see this inform. Could you tape it for me and like package it? I don't know. Does she even need to do that? We're going to a major league baseball game where she's singing the national anthem. Isn't that enough? Yeah, it is. It is cool. And all of these things are really awesome and amazing. And don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to a, I'm very aware of my privilege and where I'm at with all of that and the ability to be able to navigate all of these things, but it is,

nicole: 8:28

it also just comes back to the point that we talked to before that like, how do people have jobs? Like how are we supposed to have jobs and the camps? So my husband and I used to work from home, and so those camps were great because when we're working We're working from home. So it does allow flexibility, but also I'm not taking them out and entertaining them like they have to entertain themselves in the house in a quiet manner, which is kind of a lot of pressure when you have three boys. So signing them out for the camps is great'cause it gets them out of the house for a portion of the day. But then also like the timeframe of it. I've already started my job by 9:00 AM right? Is it enough time to go pick them up at lunch? Like it's gonna go pick them up really quick and then come right back home. It's just interesting how and I and I that was as a remote worker, I can't imagine, I don't know how people do it when they're at in offices. If you clock in at eight o'clock, how do you get your kid to camp at nine? I don't, I don't, that's

robin: 9:15

where I think there's, like, here, there's camps that are called like Kid Zone and things like that. Mm-hmm. Which are, you know, extended day times. Yeah. But when I was, you know, my daughter's about to enter fifth grade, I think that it was not leading into fifth grade, but after I was done with fifth grade, I was staying home alone. Yeah. And I got, I did. It was not, it was not healthy for me, let me tell you. Right. Yeah. I remember. Not a great thing. Uh, but I'm wondering, so what. How are you structuring summer this year?

nicole: 9:46

Well, so this year's weird because my husband and I just got laid off a couple weeks ago. So we have no school and we have no jobs, which is also in one sense, when we got laid off, we got laid off on June 3rd. Our kids had been outta school for two weeks. Okay, this is kind of perfect. At least it's not Christmas time. We can enjoy the summer, but it does feel a little bit weird. Um, like going in, starting the week on Sunday feels a little weird'cause. There's nothing like, what are we, we're like, there's nothing on the calendar. So this summer has been a little bit odd. We're kind of structuring our days around. My, my oldest has two jobs. Oh my gosh. I know, I know. It's the running joke in the household that he has the most jobs of everybody because my parents are retired, so of our two households, like our 16-year-old is the only one Actively going clocking into a job this is my job right now, this podcast and, you know, coaching and all the things, but like clocking into work, he's the only one. So we're kind of structuring our days around around that and we're trying not to slip into the slumps of feeling a little bit bumed that we have no jobs. Um. So we structure a lot. It's also different because our boys are at that 16, 13, and 11 age. So yesterday, my 16-year-old didn't get up till noon, and I'm the type of parent who I allow him to sleep in until noon because he gets up and gets his responsibilities done. He's holding his job, he's responsible, he gets his things done around the house. So I don't mind letting him sleep in because. I trust that if I needed him to get up, he would get up number one, and number two, he's getting his stuff done. So let him be 16 and sleep in till noon. That's my stance. I love

robin: 11:28

that. And I need more of that in my life because part of where I struggle is needing to have that structure. So then I create these expectations in my mind. We've talked about like when things aren't meeting your expectations, um. You know, I've not made my own expectations where I'm like, and this summer we're going to learn these things and we're gonna go to the library. Mm-hmm. We're gonna, we're not doing bucket lists anymore. That is not a thing in my, in, in our household. I do plan, you know, the, the, like, the handful of camps that she's going to do. And I always volunteer for this Girl Scout camp with her. Mm-hmm. So that's a, now an annual tradition and activity that we do. But as far as reading and doing some extra practice, I, that is really important to me with her. Mm-hmm. And I just really enjoy math because I used to be a, mm-hmm. A math teacher, so I'm fitting little things in, but I'm not saying like, every day she has to do this page and work. I don't do that either, because I

nicole: 12:26

just, I just get end up getting frustrated. So I stopped doing that a couple years ago. I think for me personally, the hardest thing I have about summer is that we. Aren't a family that travels. And so I do get a little bit of fomo, seeing everybody else travel in the summer.'cause we just aren't a family that does that. And so I feel a little bit like, oh, we have to fill it with these things so that I don't feel as bad that we're not traveling. But over the last couple years, I feel I've shifted to like whatever. They're together. Yeah. They're probably watching more screens than I would but at the time we were working full time, so it was There's this, there's gotta be a give and pull of like, I need them to kind of be quiet. We're working in the house. Mm-hmm. Um, but yeah, I gave up on the bucket list. I gave up on the reading. We are working on with our youngest, his handwriting. And like I am encouraging reading but also I'm not saying we're gonna go to the library, we're gonna pick out books and I'm dressed kind of. I'm letting go. I think that's happening. The older they get too and with just, I don't know if it's a boy thing or what, but we do have, I will. Okay. I will say my mother-in-law. This is like the best Write somebody write this down. I dunno. Okay. Take notes. I'm taking notes for when your kids taking

robin: 13:34

notes. Yep. I love doing that. Okay, gotcha. I gotcha. My

nicole: 13:36

mother-in-law for Christmas the last couple years has got our family. Season passes to the local waterpark. Mm. And it's the best gift because it keeps on giving and we get to use it all summer long. Yeah. And when we have the season passes, we don't feel the pressure of going and staying all day long. So we show up, we stay for a couple hours, we go home. We don't get food or anything there typically,'cause we're only there for an hour or two, and then we go home. It's fantastic. So we do add that into our schedule if it's something we consistently do. But otherwise, everything else that we do is just kind of what do we, we need to get outside today. What are we gonna do? Are we gonna go to the river? Are we gonna go to Roaring Springs? What are we, what are we looking at? Well, when

robin: 14:13

you're saying that, what I hear you saying is you have this list and it might just be, you know, a mental list, but that everyone knows these are the things that we enjoy doing together and that Sure. There's also some structure there around we know that we need to like, move our body and, and get outside or whatever else it might be. Yeah. Okay. That's fair. I think it was in, when we were talking about mental health, it really struck me when you were saying, you know, um, with your children, making sure, not necessarily with your oldest, who is showing a lot of responsibility in other ways and teenagers, they just, they can sleep. Mm-hmm. And they need that.

nicole: 14:47

Right.

robin: 14:48

But when you are seeing mental health challenges, which is part of the reason I've struggled in the summer of, yeah, we need to get up at this time, we need to take a shower, we need to do these things.'cause it, it can spiral for me if I, yeah. You know, I, little things are part of what have made me feel like a full human being again. Mm-hmm. Um, like making sure that I shower every day. I make my bed most days because it's like a little ritual and routine that's showing like. And now it looks nice. I like the visual. Mm-hmm. And it'll be harder to get back in if I wanted to later. Right.

nicole: 15:24

JP got up this morning and he came out of his room dressed and I was oh, like good morning, you're already dressed. And I was like, how come you're already dressed? I don't know. I think you maybe had I don't know, something happened. And he was like, because you tell me to do it every day because you say mental health matters. And I was yes. Good job. Yes. Win that. That is right. Yep. We get dressed every day.

robin: 15:41

We're, we're trying with my daughter this summer, um, because she struggles with her executive function. Mm-hmm. And we've done. So many of the things, including the lists of what she needs to do. Yeah. But we've upped it. We just adopted some kittens recently and part of that is that she needs to show responsibility and she agreed, you know, with feeding them, with taking care of the litter box. So we have details on a, a morning routine and a nighttime routine. And part of the expectation, especially with my husband works from home and he's on a lot of different calls, and then I am, you know, working in different ways and so much of my work is creative when I'm creating different resources. For clients or with courses, whatever it is. Mm-hmm. I need space. And so she has that list and then she knows, and part of it is breakfast because she sometimes will not eat breakfast. Mm-hmm. And then she becomes a monster. Mm-hmm. And so we've been talking a lot about like, how does your body feel? You need to make sure that even if you're not hungry in the moment, the fueling part is going to impact you later. Your mother is a health coach. You could listen to me. And then she's like, oh, my friend told me I should have

nicole: 16:48

a lot of protein to help. That's just okay. This gets worse though, friend. This gets worse. Oh, because their friends, their input starts just developmentally so, starts to outweigh ours. Hold on.

robin: 16:59

Well, I'm creating really great relationships with a lot of her friends. That's the best thing you can do. Yeah. It's, and that's part, I'll just start like sliding them a 20 with like, just tell, you know, just tell my daughter this little thing and that, that will help out. But it, it's experimenting with different ways to help with the, the different stage of development that, yeah, for me, just, you know, I have the one daughter but that she's in to help. Develop her sense of responsibility and independence, gaining confidence while also being able to give me the space.

nicole: 17:35

Mm-hmm.

robin: 17:36

The thing that is missing the most in our life right now, honestly, is, um, having like a shared calendar with her because she doesn't, she has an iPad, um, and she has like a, a watch that, you know, we can call and text on. Yeah. But my husband and I share a Google calendar. Mm-hmm. And we do Sunday Summit every week where we go through our week schedule, and we do that in the summer as well, even though it gets a lot more erratic and it's needed more. And so we should be doing that. Yeah. But then we plan meals and things, um, as well, and she's not as involved with that. Mm-hmm. Having this conversation, it just makes me realize sh with who she is and how she likes to know what is happening. Mm-hmm. It would be helpful. And I also think, you know, information is power. Mm-hmm. And if she could see all of the activities that not only necessarily are coming, but if we just put what has happened.

nicole: 18:33

Right. And it's

robin: 18:33

not like, oh, I didn't do anything. It's like, oh no, little lady, we've gone. Yeah. Five movies and two theme parks and whatever it was. Yeah, I think that's a great idea. Done a lot of things. Idea

nicole: 18:44

with our oldest. I was telling you even before we jumped on this recording, that my oldest looks at the calendar every single day. Yeah. He is, he's on our shared calendar and he looks at the calendar every single day.'cause we were talking about going to lunch. He wants to go to Wendy's has a collab with talkies. So I don't know if you, teenage boys obsessed with talkies. They have this collab with Wendy's. So we're discussing when we're gonna go and he's looking at the calendar. Well, today looks pretty busy, mom. I was like, well, let's look at tomorrow. And so, yeah, I think that's a great idea to involve her in that, especially for summer and realizing like, no, wait, you look, you actually did a lot of things. I think that's great.

robin: 19:16

You did a lot of things. So a lot of my friends are really struggling with, um, especially those of us that are neurodivergent and get sensory overload. And so it's just a lot having the children around and especially the younger that they are. What would be advice that you would give to me and. Women like me, especially ones who have more spawn than I do, who have sensory overload that know that summer is a challenge. What would be your advice around supporting yourself and your kids?

nicole: 19:49

My advice first, I feel like for everything, the more that we talk about these things is acknowledging that it exists so that you don't ignore it.'cause I think ignoring it allows it to build and build and build. And when you're not taking care of, I'm feeling overwhelmed, I'm feeling overstimulated, then you reach a boiling point much sooner than acknowledging that it's happening and setting yourself up for success. Example of what's I'm experiencing in my life. Slightly relatable, slightly not, but I'm at the season with my boys, they always have headphones in. They're always listening to something or they now just keep them on. They're not listening to anything, but they just have their headphones on, the new Beats one, you know? And so they can't hear me and I'm repeating myself so many times. That I want to pull all of my eyelashes out one at a time because the amount of times I have to repeat myself. And then it's like times three. So one comes in the room and says, what'd you say? And I repeat it to him. And then the other one comes in, what, what, what, what did she say? And then he's asking his bro, the brother, and then the brother's repeating it incorrectly. So then I have to repeat it again. And then the third one, oh my gosh. It's this revolving door of I just, and it's literally just me saying, we need milk. It's not even anything important. I'm not even probably talking to them, but then it just becomes this whole thing and then I get frustrated and then I'm just snipping at them and then they're snipping at each other and then I'm telling them not to snip at each other. That's my overwhelm right now. And so, and how I do that is. It this, if I, if I'm making a comment that doesn't involve them. At first I didn't like saying this'cause it feels kind of short, but I, I just have resorted to like, it doesn't involve you, it's about the groceries. That way no one's curious to know what I'm talking about because that they get like this. Oh, what did she say? Like maybe I wanna hear what she's talking about. It doesn't involve you, it's about the groceries because I can't tolerate. The, the game of telephone that's happening, or if I call them down, I'm calling them down all at once and I'm waiting till everyone has their headphones removed. It may be something simple like I'm going to leave the house to go report, record a podcast with Robin, but I don't wanna repeat it four times. I don't want everyone to be confused, so I call them all down. Please remove your headphones. Is that, are you locked in? Are we locked in? I'm leaving the house. I dunno when I'll be back. You will not be able to reach me. Goodbye. It's just, I have to, I have to go back to when there were toddlers. Let me see your eyes. Let's remove the distraction. But I also think that when you can acknowledge your thresholds of, I'm getting overstimulated. I also, sometimes you need to put in headphones. You yourself, mom, need to put in headphones. You walk out, do a meditation, sit in the sun. But the first step is acknowledging that you need to kind of identify that you are overstimulated, so that you can identify what supports you need.'cause it's gonna be different for each of us.

robin: 22:25

And different days as well. I think a hundred percent. One of the, the best strategies that I started this summer, and I actually started right before we entered the summer, is I can get over zealous with plans. I love planning. I am a connector and organizational per like, that's what I love doing, but then implementing them and following through, like tenacity is the ability to actually finish what you've started. That's a struggle for me.

nicole: 22:48

Yeah.

robin: 22:48

Becoming aware of that. What I have shifted to, and it's actually it's derived from some different ways that I've been coaching clients around holistic weight loss and wellness, is that I'm holding a vision and I have a mantra around what, what's helping me to make decisions, but then the actual implementation of what I am doing. I plan the night before. Okay. And that came from helping women ditch diet culture, but yet still meet goals that they have around weight loss or sustaining weight. And it can become too much to plan an entire week of meals. Right? But what if you just plan the night before? Sometimes I, mm-hmm. I, it depends who each person is.'cause I do, you know, individual plans, personalized wellness planning, but there is a real. Strategy in the acknowledgement of mm-hmm. What it is that's, that's that, that you're most challenged by, and then creating that. So for me it's planning, there's always some other things that are like, I know what's happening in a couple weeks. I'm throwing, you know, a birthday party or whatever it might be, but. To know that I have just an outline of the day before I go to bed helps me actually rest better and then it helps me get up.'cause otherwise I'm overwhelmed from the onset of the morning. Mm-hmm. Now I have friends who are doing it a little different, like they are making kind of a themed. Thing each week. So again, everyone write this down, tell your family members get you experiences for gifts, which mean memberships, right, that keep on giving. Yes. And so they have a membership to the zoo and a membership to the science museum. And so they know, and it's the same type of thing, even if they need the structure of each day, this is the type of thing I'm doing. Mm-hmm. Some of us. It's just like you knowing that those are the things that we can pull from.

nicole: 24:35

Mm-hmm.

robin: 24:35

Whatever it is, you're not alone. And even, even when we have success in finding a smoother rhythm or even just like a higher threshold of tolerance.

nicole: 24:47

Mm-hmm.

robin: 24:47

It's okay that we all have a little bit of this. I opened up with the summer sizzle, like yeah, there's gonna be some sizzle. The gift and the challenge is to have it really shine in the light of the, I'm really going for some like metaphors here. Yeah. It's shine in the light. Light. It's light of like the moments of joy and those experiences and not allow the sizzle to completely burn you out.

nicole: 25:12

Mm-hmm.

robin: 25:13

So let's wrap up this episode with reminding every one of us, and I'm saying this out loud, mainly for myself, is that. It doesn't have to be perfect in order to be meaningful. Mm-hmm. It's all sorts of different moments that create those core memories for our kids. So let's all just take a collective breath and give ourselves some grace and take those breaks whenever we can. But remember. Nicole and I, different experiences still, we share in the struggle. Yeah. And it is okay. Yeah. So if this episode was one that you can relate to. And maybe you're breathing a little deeper because you are hearing us share. Go ahead and share it with another summer Surviving Mom, and if you haven't yet, please give us a rating or review. It helps us reach more moms who need this space in their earbuds in order to survive. Mm-hmm. The summer sizzle and whatever else comes our way. So until next time, may your sunscreen go on smooth and your snack drawer stay full. We'll see you back here in the messy middle soon. Bye bye guys.

26:24

Hey, before you go, we've got something just for you. We created the motherhood and the messy middle resource vault. It's a growing library of support that's just for you. So inside you're gonna find tools from both Nicole and my work plus resources that we mention right here on the podcast. It's free, it's sent straight to your inbox, and it's always evolving just like you. So take what you need, leave the rest. You never know when you're gonna need it or when your group chat might thank you for it. So use the link in the show notes or head to motherhood and the messy middle.com to get access and welcome to your virtual village.