Ep 24 Learning to Live with Estrangement: Finding Peace and Purpose

This episode focuses on navigating estrangement, managing difficult emotions, and seeking personal growth, all while maintaining honesty and hope. They share practical tips on grounding yourself in the present moment, the power of prayer, and the importance of honoring one's current state. Join the conversation as they tackle the messy middle of motherhood and midlife with humor, realness, and a touch of spirituality. Don't miss out on the heartfelt insights and practical advice!

00:00 Welcome to the Messy Middle

01:02 Building Virtual Friendships

01:29 Self-Expression and Communication

02:42 Self-Awareness and Validation

03:42 Navigating Emotional Challenges

05:29 Honoring Your Journey

10:40 Cognitive Behavioral Insights

14:30 Grounding Techniques and Mantras

17:53 Understanding Automaticity and Multitasking

18:20 Inner Critic vs. Inner Coach

18:53 Impact of Community Tragedies

19:57 Finding Peace Through Faith

23:22 Power of Prayer and Spiritual Wellness

24:55 Navigating Hard Conversations

30:21 Embracing Connection and Healing

35:23 Conclusion and Resources

Connect with me on Instagram: @heygirl.itsnicole
And explore more resources for estranged moms at nicolecoates.com.

If this episode encouraged you, please subscribe, rate, and leave a review — it helps other moms find the support they’ve been praying for.

This podcast is created for moms walking through estrangement — a place to be understood, encouraged, and reminded you’re not alone.

Transcript

Speaker 2: 0:00

Welcome to Motherhood and the Messy Middle where grade school meets grown kids, hot flashes, meets holy fire, and no topic is too messy for this village. I'm Robin.

Speaker 3: 0:11

I'm Nicole, and we're two moms who slid into each other's dms, built a deep friendship without ever meeting in person, and now we're creating a virtual village where we're inviting you in. This is season two and we're continuing our mission of normalizing the messy middle through real connecting conversations between two friends who are living it right alongside you.

Speaker 2: 0:30

We'll be experimenting this season with themed miniseries on topics like estrangement, difficult conversations, holidays and personal growth, always with honesty, hope, and maybe even a little laughter. Because we know that motherhood and midlife, it can stretch you spiritually, emotionally, hormonally, sometimes all before breakfast.

Speaker 3: 0:52

So whether you're raising littles, navigating midlife, or just tired of pretending that you're fine, this space is for you. So let's dive in.

robin: 1:02

Hey girl. Hey, hey girl. Hey, every time I read your handle on Instagram, Hey girl. Hey. But no, it's just, it's, Hey girl, Nicole is her Instagram handle.

nicole: 1:14

Anytime I write an email, anytime I text somebody, I don't know. I wanna say, Hey girl, Hey. And then I realize not everybody. Not everybody responds, thinks that's very professional or like that's very appropriate for this text message, but that's what I wanna do. Well, and I also wanna send 1.5 million exclamation points. I love

robin: 1:32

that. Yeah. And a lot of capital letters, but not shouting, just like with excitement. Yes. I, I open my, many of my, um, communications with greetings. Okay. I like to say greetings. Yeah. And I've been ending them with the salutation of all love, which a lot of, you know, people could be like off, perhaps off put by, but sometimes I shift it, like when it's a, you know, communicating with my daughter's teacher. I'll say, um, with gratitude and support, things like that. I feel

nicole: 2:03

like these are such appropriate words for you. I feel like they

robin: 2:05

like. I am like a flu when I use chat GPT to help me refine things, I literally tell chat. I'm like, listen, I'm a flowery, spiritual, eclectic, neurodivergent, messy, beautiful human, so I love it. Let's keep that tone and just maybe clean some things up so someone can actually understand what I'm saying.

nicole: 2:30

I love it. I usually tell chat. GBT, here's my word. Vomit. Please rewind it. But I literally tell it, here's my word, vomit.'cause that's usually what it is.

robin: 2:40

Well, I think that we need, need to sneak it onto the bones. We need to both stop, um, you know, being self-deprecating because I know what I see in you is so beautiful and I'm like, oh wait, that's actually in me too. I need to shift that inner narrative around it. Yeah. My

nicole: 2:54

husband and I were talking yesterday with the, my new job. It's, I have never, ever in a job ever felt just like. So seen and validated and like, they're so affirming and they're so encouraging and they're so supportive and all these things. And I was telling my husband about different things that they were pointing out that they saw in me, and I was like struggling to even repeat what they said. And he was like, why are you having such a hard time? I think it's because you have a hard time saying anything good about yourself. And I don't see myself like that, but then these scenarios keep happening. I'm like, I think I kind of do. I don't love that. I want like I want to be. Self-deprecating. Like I want that, that follows anything positive. I like it is always on the tip of my tongue and I really gotta walk that back. I'm like, it's really hard

robin: 3:41

though. And that's the work that I do is around, you know, building the ability to become aware of those things. But the way you become aware, it's very uncomfortable.'cause it doesn't mean that those programs that we've created. Change right away. Right. They don't magically just go away. Right. There is neuroplasticity, which means that our brain is continuously able to be shifted and rewired, but it takes a lot of practice. Mm-hmm. And that's where, you know, it even relates to what. The topic is today is around the actual like doing and practices mm-hmm. That help us when we're having thought spirals or whatever else. Right. Um, to be able to reframe and continue to live, live our life and mm-hmm. You know, because I am so flowery and also everything I, I think in like. Images and connections. Mm-hmm. Um, so I see that we, it's like we have these internal pieces that are all different, different things that are coming along, but as we, we know where we wanna go and how we wanna show up, especially as we're continuing to grow in the stages of motherhood and therefore self and aging and, and everything. And it's. Like how do we shine that light to continue to go towards that higher version of ourself? Mm-hmm. And even in using the wording, the higher version of ourself, to me it's literally like lifting up to the love and light that is, you know, God. And it's hard. It's hard because we're still boots on the ground. We are right here. Mm-hmm. Doing it. And we're dealing with such heavy, challenging. Things individually, but also as a collective. Mm-hmm. And that's the power of us having these conversations because it's real. Right? It's real, it's what we're, what we're walking through. We don't know, like we don't know. I'm not the expert of you, you're not the expert of me or anyone else, but. Shoot, we're trying to become the experts of ourselves. Mm-hmm. And let's unpack what that looks like.'cause that's what real friendship does. Mm-hmm. And what women are meant to do in in circle, which is just, you know, our little villages of connection and everything else. So

nicole: 6:06

When you were saying you see all of the beauty or light in me, and then you realize like, oh, you have that too. I think that's the beauty of friendships and connections that inspire us, but then also have a do a gut check of like, oh, if I see that in her, wait, I have that too, which means I need to see that myself, myself, Nicole. That's not

robin: 6:21

my stay. That's the word. That's the word. And it's so beautiful.'cause I introduced yoga. Oh, that's true. That's what they, yeah. See that's

nicole: 6:28

true. That's what they see at the end of yoga. They say the light in me sees the light in you honors

robin: 6:32

and sees the light in you.

nicole: 6:33

Yeah.

robin: 6:34

And the important piece there is honoring, right? Mm-hmm. Too often it's not just like. Oh, I see you. Well, no, I honor. Right. And I see the light in you. Right. And um, you know, other layers to it are like the teacher in me honors and sees the teacher in You. Sure. The student in me. See,'cause we are together and that's part of what women mothers we are together in circle. It's not one better than the other. It's the light of God is we are all God's children. Mm-hmm. And we see it. Um, and can celebrate that. I think

nicole: 7:05

that when we're talking about, like our last episode, we're talking about grief and then. Today we're gonna talk a little bit more about what, healing, and you said growing up, um, or I think that's what you said. Uh, that's how I interpreted what you were saying when you were Yeah, yeah. Evolving and, yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Becoming your, your highest self Yeah. Is, I don't think that we can get there without honoring where we're at. Oh. You have to honor instead of, especially like for me in like the Christian culture of everything's pretty imperfect and we've all got a white picket fence. My pick, I don't have a picket fence. It's run over. It's trampled, it's chaos. There's, it's a circus, but Instead of trying to pretend that there's a white picket fence, I learned really on the more that I take ownership and honor where I'm at, give myself permission to pause, respect how I'm feeling, not let societal, what I societal norms, or what I think is, you know, how people interpret my life to judge how I process my feelings. It actually helps me move through those feelings. A more appropriate, or what I feel more appropriate, like pace for me is I don't get stuck in them. Instead of, if I keep pushing them down, I'm stuck and I can move through them to the next season when I honor them.

robin: 8:12

Mm.

nicole: 8:13

But it does take time and energy. Mm-hmm. It's not an easy thing to honor them, but I am just saying that there is power in that and I, I feel like I've seen that from multiple different perspectives.

robin: 8:25

Absolutely. I mean, and my brain can't stop with the connections, but that's why I do the work that I do with holistic weight loss and wellness. Mm-hmm. Because too often we have outside, it's the same thing outside influences trying to push mm-hmm. Some form of an agenda to like for conformity, right. Or for profit when we're talking about. Well, many different things, but especially weight loss. And the reality is, is we as women, especially as we are in midlife mm-hmm. And you know, 40 plus, and our kids are getting old. All of these things are happening. We need to be honored where we are. Right. And that includes when. It's okay that we maybe wanna be somewhere else, but we need to honor where we are and do things that honor where we are. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And so for, you know, I recently had a client that was like, Robin, you're like a warm hug. And all of these other coaches are like. Trying to just talk to me about how bad I am and what I have to do to fix it. And you're just like holding me. And because of that, it's these gentle invitations of things to do and shift and that connects to estrangement, right?'cause when we first started talking about this topic in the series. You know, the shame that there is and then the discomfort of people who don't know what estrangement is like trying to fix it. Mm-hmm. Right. That's that same energy of, of the toxic positivity of the toxic, like white picket fence. Right. The fence itself isn't. Toxic, the showing up for someone and advice isn't toxic. It's the delivery and the, the ignoring of what truly is. Mm-hmm. But the question now today becomes Nicole, specifically around estrangement, but we're gonna go and tangential to all of the other things.'cause that's who we are and what we do. Um, how do we actually do. How do we actually walk in this, right? And the tasks and the things, the actions, right? When, when women are navigating estrangement and hey, for anyone like me, that's not actually navigating that specifically. Just navigating grief and challenge. Right. What do we do?

nicole: 10:40

First of all, I'd like to make note that I made notes. I took, I feel like you are really good about taking notes and I'm talking and then you remember, and I made a note. I feel very proud of myself. I

robin: 10:48

have never been more I know. Connected with you and that notebook and the pen. It really,

nicole: 10:56

I know. I'm so good growing so much. Okay. Touching on something that you said is, um. When we, going back to honoring where we're at, the another factor that I have found is when I honor where I'm at, it helps me release those, natural expectations I have of the next season that may look different now. Right? So at one point we were talking about birthdays missing out on first, estrangement, missing out on birthdays, celebrations, milestones. So there's these milestones in my head as a mom that I think I'll get to be a part of and when I don't honor where I'm at in the season that I'm in, for me, you know, for. And the women that are walking with me estrangement. I can be hyper fixated on these milestones and be that even far before the milestones, I'm spiraling because I'm thinking about how I'm not gonna get to be a part of them.

robin: 11:44

Mm.

nicole: 11:44

But when I take the time to honor where I'm at, it like, resets, this is not a great way of saying it. You'd probably have a better way of saying it. It resets the reality of. I might not get to be a part of that. And so then what does this new reality look like for me? Hmm. And it helps us grasp, helps me grasp that I, I'm going to need to pivot and to, it's gonna look different and i'll, and that I also think helps when we get to that milestone. Me accept it. And there's a spiraling, like I said, there is spiraling, but accept it. And the spiraling has a narrower time span because I'm. I've accepted. Do you know? Does that make sense what I'm saying? Absolutely.

robin: 12:26

Okay. I need you to know something, and I'm like a hundred percent serious about this. You have said that you are not, you know, a licensed therapist, um, social worker, whatever, and that is true. But innately you are putting to words practices that are. Are researched and delivered in sessions to help people, and what you're talking about is called cognitive behavioral therapy or ccbt. I should have been,

nicole: 13:02

I, mean, I would maybe be making a lot more money. I don't know how much therapists make, but I should have gone, I should have been a therapist.

robin: 13:08

I, I think that you're perfect just where you are right now. Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. And that the power of being able to, to name these things and then see'em. So this actually is one of the things that is doing, so, um, in cognitive behavioral therapy, what you were saying is there's really two primary places that we can be. One is emotional mind. Mm-hmm. And the other is rational mind. Hmm. When you get to know my husband, you will know very quickly that I live in emotional mind and he lives in rational mind in general. Yeah. That that's how it goes, right? Yeah. For most people. But the beautiful thing is creating a Venn diagram with those two, and where those two overlap is called Wise Mind. Hmm. And so being able to. Notice when you are in that spiral of emotional mind, like you were with the anticipation, the anticipatory mm-hmm. Essentially grief mm-hmm. Of some future event, and then getting into the rational and the rational even. This is a, a, a tangible takeaway for nervous system regulation, especially for those of us who, um, do spiral with anxiety. Mm-hmm. It's to get into the present moment, and you can do that by naming five things that you see, naming things. Oh, okay. This So you mean with your daughter, right? Yes. Yes. You're getting into your body. Mm-hmm. Now, that's grounding you in the moment, but what you're saying is more conceptual around, okay. You're noticing that you're spiraling, you're in emotional mind. Now let's get rational about this. Mm-hmm. What is real? Where am I right now? When is this thing happening? You could even get rational. Um, I was doing this with my, my stepmom actually last evening. She's going, she's doing this big travel trip to see sea turtles. Oh, that's right. In Wales. In Columbia. Yeah, in

nicole: 15:10

Columbia.

robin: 15:11

Incredible. You have

nicole: 15:11

her itinerary now, so you know.

robin: 15:13

No, I actually don't. I'm letting go and letting God, thank you. Okay. Um, but she is like, I just don't, I just can't seem to relax. It's just like so much, and I'm like, mom, of course it is. Like, it should be that way. So first of all, let's normalize it, right? Like right. Yeah. And then. I started saying, well, what's the worst case scenario? What's the worst case scenario? And you just say, and then what? And then what? And then what? And it grounds you in. Just that rational space. Mm-hmm. Of reality. And then somewhere in between is when you start honoring the emotional you ground in the rational. Mm-hmm. And where wisdom is, is in that overlap. And that's what

nicole: 15:53

I love that you're

robin: 15:54

creating.

nicole: 15:55

Mm-hmm.

robin: 15:56

And so, no, this is not a checklist that we can just deliver to someone, but being a mom. And really tending to the messiness of life.

nicole: 16:10

Right? There's no checklist, right? No. And I think that, that what you said even goes back to what I talk about in my prayer workbook is that when we have that, we're switching from that fear to the faith. Mm-hmm. The faith is the rational, it's the grounding. Mm-hmm. Okay, here list my fear. So we're honoring it, and then we're gonna list what the Bible says or we're gonna list what. God has spoken to us and we're gonna list a prayer, and then even taking it a step further, like we don't have a checklist, but what I encourage women to do is. Doing these things before you're in a full spiral. Mm. So the other, so I had a, I think you call'em a mantra. A mantra, yeah. Just a

robin: 16:47

short word or phrase is a mantra. Yeah. Right, right.

nicole: 16:49

So creating a mantra, that could be a prayer, that could be a verse, it could be whatever, it could be a combination. Whatever is personal to you. So the moment your brain goes to, I wonder, Nope. I wonder what if, Nope. Like you just cut it off and you have that mantra, reframe prepared, and then reframe and then, yeah, you reframe it. Nope. Because God says, Nope, because I believe. Nope.'cause his word says nope. And you just, or whatever that looks like for you. That's what it looks like for me. Not

robin: 17:15

today, Satan.

nicole: 17:16

Right. You just, I love that one. Instantly have it so that like cuts it off and it stops your brain before you go into the full spiral. Not sometimes you're gonna go in the full spiral and that is what it is. And that is just life. But preparing yourself so that we're not. Caught off guard when we do spiral because it's inevitable.

robin: 17:34

Yeah. And, and practice my, you know, one of my favorite phrases mm-hmm. Practice makes permanent. Mm-hmm. It doesn't make perfect, but it does. And the science behind that is you're creating, it's a real fancy word. It's automaticity. Okay. That is very fancy. Oh, yes. See, when I was, you know, formally trained as a. Math teacher, we would talk about yes. Automaticity of math facts. I could do that. I could do that. Um, and so it's break it down. It's being automatic. Mm-hmm. It's so that we actually don't ever multitask. That's a misconception. It's just that we create, we do, can do things so quickly that it feels like multitasking, but we're actually switching between things. That's mm-hmm. And, and the more that you practice something, it makes permanent so. It takes less effort. But see, that can also be really powerful to be aware of because that's what's happening with that internal dialogue. That's the inner critic versus the inner coach. And I do so much work with women in releasing the weight, right? Which is naming these things and then starting to work. And you even set it where you're reframing with, with a mantra or maybe it's a different, um. Verse or whatever it is. I wanna share this because I think that it's really impactful to hear. For me, it, it, recently, it wasn't estrangement and it wasn't even, um, you know, grief specific to any family members or anything else that I lost. It was, um, the shock and terror and grief and all of those, the fear of our world with. This one specifically was around, um, the, the mass shooting, the school shooting that we had in Minneapolis recently. Since it's right in

nicole: 19:21

your backyard.

robin: 19:22

Yeah.

nicole: 19:23

Not that it's not impactful if it's not in your backyard,

robin: 19:27

but Yes. I mean, I am one person away in multiple. Right ways that I knew these people and um, yeah, and it is right. It and our brains process, that's part of why the world even is spiraling is because we're not meant to have, be inundated with all of these things or understand what's happening halfway around the world. Right? So the closer that you get within your community, the more'cause it is the touch point of it and right. I had posted something. Um, and um, this living angel of a woman who is a true, true follower of Jesus, she was actually, I met her'cause I was her Weight Watchers coach a, a decade ago. And. We've just continued to be in relationship in these interesting little touch points and we will show up. Like at Mother's Day I went to this brunch. Mm-hmm. At this beautiful Mount Olive retreat and conference and of course she was there'cause I didn't know that. That's actually her. Mount Olive is like where she attends and all of it. Anyways, she sent me a message. And it's, um, do, I don't think that I say this correctly. Is it Philippians? Is that how you say that? Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah. So it's Philippians four seven. God's peace, which is far beyond human understanding, will keep your hearts and minds safe in union with Christ Jesus. For me, the practice, first of all was being open to receiving and being in relationship with other living angels on this, this beautiful planet. Mm-hmm. And to be open to receive that message. And then I didn't just read it, I've put it, I just got it off my wall as we were talking on a post-it. Mm-hmm. So I'm revisiting it and it's much longer, a mantra needs to be a short word or phrase, right? Mm-hmm. And then there have been different. Things I've done around just looking at each word and like feeling what that could be and just pausing within these words, which, you know mm-hmm. For, for the word of God, right? Mm-hmm. And. Wow. There's just real power

nicole: 21:50

in that.

robin: 21:51

Mm-hmm.

nicole: 21:52

And also as Christians too, when we see those verses and we see those things frequently, they lose their power. So it's encouraging to hear how encouraged you were and how much power,'cause it's a reminder, I read these, I read them, and they, I become complacent.

robin: 22:07

Yeah.

nicole: 22:08

So sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off. Go ahead. No,

robin: 22:09

that's what we do. That's how I love it. If you didn't cut me off, what could happen? I mean, come on. But it's when people say like, what do I do? Mm-hmm. It's do what you already are and are, are meant to be doing as. A mom who is looking to contribute positively to the world. Mm-hmm. And that is, you know, especially with my work around wellness, like one of the areas of wellness is spiritual wellness. Mm-hmm. And so how are you tending to all of those areas? And you said it so well'cause it's about proactively. Right. Proactively, and, and also knowing without, without the anxiety of anticipation. Mm-hmm. But knowing that it is potential that the shoe is gonna drop, you're gonna have a meltdown, it's gonna feel real hard. And then knowing, hey, maybe it's a specific friend or, um. Support that you can reach out to during those times, but practicing prayer, practicing. Mm-hmm. Well, and some of these things sound mind, nourishment, all of these things. Right, right.

nicole: 23:32

Yeah. And some of these things that, I talk about, they sound super cliche and I recognize that, and I really super dislike Christian cliche cliches, but there really is power in prayer. There really is power. I know as a Christian region, Bible read your Bible, it can sound repetitive and it sounds like, okay, yeah, I am, but there's power in. Reading your Bible and spending time or just using the metaphor of the back skit and like putting all your things like that can be what your prayer life looks like. It doesn't have to be sit, sitting down, making a list of your prayers. It doesn't, it can be whatever you want it to be. It can be part of your meditation. It can be part of whatever practice that you can. Weave it into, it can be a part of that. You don't have to change it because of what you think it should look like. Incorporate it into what your life does look like so that, because the more that we wait to, to, we put off these practices and put them in a box of like, oh, once it looks like this, or once I can do it like this, how I think it should look like. We just put off doing it, which is. Delaying the inevitable of starting the healing process. So we instead flip our thought process around and the way we look at it to incorporate it into our practices already. That even if we have the goal of wanting it to look a certain way, fine, but don't wait to do it until it looks that way.'cause you're, you're delaying your own healing. Well, and I also,

robin: 24:56

I know that. We're going to lead into, um, our next series is going to be around some hard conversations and, yay, that's so excited that they get the discomfort. What's, what's really beautiful is that we're already sprinkling'em in because Yeah. I mean, you know, being a friend of me like the. I'm like living in the deep end. Right? Yeah. And, and I also lighten my own load. For me personally, this works because I'm processing these things and mm-hmm. I don't see them as like dangerous to talk about. I actually think that, that it's dangerous not to. And I'm gonna be very vulnerable here and, um, I hope we can, you can help me remember this to bring it up when we start. Um, I'll make a note, an episode when we talk, do talk about religion and spirituality in the messy middle and my journey. But I am, I am not right now in this place, but I have been in a place where it, there is an extreme resistance. To a lot of those cliches or even doing those pieces, because I see so many people that claim to be Christian and are not using, they're not living it. They're using it as like a shield and a weapon. And really when somebody says, like, read your Bible, think about the science behind that, you're getting into a quiet space. You're having to show discipline and focus. You're reading something and regulating your nervous system. You're filling yourself with direct connection to your higher power and your internal pieces in which God communicates. Wow. Hey, you don't, that's true. You don't want the Bible cool. Like, get well, maybe you don't feel that way about other people, but you know, that's, yeah, yeah. No, yeah, no, I'm, I'm tracking. But I have had that same experience when I have read. Multiple other texts and explored. There are more connections in all of the expressions of God and religions than there are differences. Mm-hmm. And especially when we feel into the truth that God is only love and light, that's all that God is and here to hold us to. Get to navigate. Mm-hmm. The darkness and the demons and the, Ooh, I know. I kind of wanna sing K-Pop, demon Hunter, but I'm not going to, oh, my inside is, oh my gosh. I just started, anyways. Okay. Did I tell you what we are? Oh, Halloween. My, oh, is that what you guys were doing for Halloween? Oh, yeah. My daughter old. Okay. I have to tell you, 10 years old. Old. We gotta capitalize on this

nicole: 27:41

K-Pop, D Hunter thing. Also, I feel like this conversation, the turn that it just took is like such a perfect example of you and i's relationship. Okay. So, but my 16-year-old and his girlfriend watched that movie'cause they'd been hearing about it from all their friends. Okay? And I have not seen it, but I have seen, like I've seen your joy in your excitement about it and how much you love it. I've seen a lot of people who really enjoy it, and so I've known that like, we should probably watch it. And so he watched it. I have, I have no idea what really what this movie is about except for what you've told me. And I was like, did you And both just also my high schooler and his girlfriend are both theater kids, both theater, like that's their jam art. That's all the thing. I said, did you love it? And Gabe was like, I'm very confused. I have no, he, that's all he could tell me. It's very confusing. I don't really understand it. That's all I got from him. Straight faced. Okay. That's it. Yeah. I don't understand. It's confusing. Um,

robin: 28:30

so

nicole: 28:31

I don't know why he's confused about Can your son's

robin: 28:32

phone number? This isn't like in a creepy way. I just, I would really like to talk to him. I'd like to help him unpack this. He's very

nicole: 28:40

confused.

robin: 28:40

Yeah.

nicole: 28:42

Anyways.

robin: 28:44

Th that was such a beautiful tangent. I want to record an entire episode about K-pop demon hunters, let me tell you. Oof. Like, it just, yeah. Anyways, um,

nicole: 28:55

it's like the perfect place to end it.'cause it's like such a perfect example of our friendship and like why sometimes heavy things don't feel as heavy when I'm talking about them with you because. We can just all of a sudden take a tangent and we talking about, is it a Disney movie? A Disney movie?

robin: 29:07

It is not Disney. It is definitely not Disney. Oh, okay. Sorry. I don't know who produced it, but it is not Disney.

nicole: 29:12

One thing we were just say this segue because we were talking about religion and we said the word demon and then we're talking about.

robin: 29:19

I love it. What I love about it, I'm just curious, like, I don't think I've ever asked you this, but I've seen somebody like describe, you know, when you get those, like the, the reels and things that go into your feed and it's like, oh, and if you, this is a woman with a DH, adhd, and I'm like, oh my gosh. Check, check, check, check, check, check, check. Yeah. And one of the things is I have a nonstop soundtrack going on in my head.

nicole: 29:39

Yes. So everyone

robin: 29:40

expresses differently with that. Does that happen for you?

nicole: 29:42

Right. So when I was medicated or not medicated, medicated, when I was taking medication to dream by A-D-H-D-I think that we should

robin: 29:51

just say that When you were medic, when you were medicated,

nicole: 29:54

I, I didn't, I didn't realize that was happening until I stopped taking medication. Oh, interesting. And then, yeah, and that, that would also be my cue of if the medication, like, if I needed to address my dose, because then that, it was always, then it was like a playing in the background all the time. And now it's like you, I just, I don't,'cause I, I've not been on medication for a couple. For like a year or two and, uh, I just got gotten used to it.

robin: 30:16

Yeah, yeah. Yep. It just exists. Mm-hmm. It's wonderful. Yeah. And so just to make sure, because in our, in authentic beauty and conversations and messiness, whew. Um, what to actually do. In estrangement or any other form of disconnection. Build connection.

nicole: 30:49

Yeah.

robin: 30:50

Build connection.

nicole: 30:51

Yeah.

robin: 30:51

Get your people, get closer to God. Mm-hmm. However, that like, go out in nature. Hug a tree,

nicole: 30:58

put your feet in grass. S

robin: 31:01

meditate. Just keep moving. Keep moving through all of it. Moving through. Don't let,

nicole: 31:08

don't shit stuck.

robin: 31:10

Just take you down. Mm-hmm. Let it slow you down. Let it inform what you need. Mm-hmm. But don't let it demolish the spark that is, yeah. Hope and heartbreak and the dance mm-hmm. Between those. Mm-hmm. And,

nicole: 31:27

and honoring them both.

robin: 31:28

Yeah. And then if you are a woman who is walking through estrangement, please, please. Join Nicole's community. It is less than half of a pumpkin spice latte a month, a pumpkin spice. And the, the benefit of having that space held and the beautiful way in which you do it with the different breakout rooms for catering to exactly what women need and want with. Prayer with book, study with. Right. All of it. It's, it's such a blessing and I am just relentlessly pursuing love and light myself mm-hmm. In my world. And I have to give full gratitude to God who has brought you in my life. Mm-hmm. And that I see you and your entire family just shining and continuing to be human. And bring forward that work of God and of light. Mm-hmm. And, um, it really is encouraging to me, um, and I just have to en encourage each and every one of you to, if, even if you're not walking the, um, path of estrangement. Look at our show notes. We're gonna link some free resources that Nicole has because they will give you, well, I think we the actions

nicole: 33:04

to move forward. What about linking your meditation too?'cause I feel like that, I know we've linked, we've linked it before, but I feel like it's a good refresher of your meditation. Which one? Well, whichever one you wanna wanna, we could link all of them. Robin, whatever you wanna link, I feel like would be, that's not how

robin: 33:19

I do it. See, I make, I custom make things. You see?

nicole: 33:22

No. So now you don't need to custom make it. You have so many good ones. Look at her. You guys, if you could have seen her face right now, when I said she'd know how to custom make it, it's like I took, like I cooked candy from a baby. Like, she was so disappointed and sad. If you wanna make something Robin, you can make something. I, we don't even have to include it. I was just saying, I feel like it goes along with what we're saying.

robin: 33:42

We'll, we'll link something, but yes, something. And, um, what I need to do a better job of is being able to like, even though I outwardly peer so organized to people, um, I'm not, and yeah, I have something like over a hundred meditations that are recorded and living in different spaces. Um, but I really. That's part of why we've even entered into season two is we wanna provide resources that are specific. And you and I both have just such a, a wealth of them. Yeah. Uh, for whatever the topic is. And

nicole: 34:15

because we wanna connect, we want you to like connection and tools that, or tools that allow you to connect or connection that allows, like tool, whatever that may be. But that's, that's what I feel like our world needs and that's how I think that we help women feel

robin: 34:29

seen. Absolutely. And the connection comes in really personalizing it, right? And empowering women to be able to connect, you know, I use the word like inner coach. Mm-hmm. Um, but part of that is bringing in God, because that's what will help to fuel, right. The, the work towards moving through whatever it is. Right. So thank you for being you, Nicole, and thank you. Thanks for being

nicole: 35:00

you.

robin: 35:01

Yeah. Okay. Well, listen, I gotta keep it real here. We are both just doing the dance of trying to align to our higher selves while walking through not only the challenges of whether it's estrangement or grief or whatever else, but just our inner workings and. Yes. And I also just want to say thank you to our listeners, uh, for being here and for being part of this little mini series of three episodes on estrangement. So if you haven't gotten a chance yet, please make sure that you listen to episodes 22 and 23 where, um, we began this conversation. And this is not the end, this is just the continuing of. Uh, exploring all of the different pieces to help women feel seen. And so we're gonna shift next episode into doing, doing the hard thing,

nicole: 36:01

hard conversations, hard conversations, which is, I appreciate about you, and like, I know my, like, I appreciate you like. It was silly, but like also, I really do appreciate you and I appreciate that. Like you and I are so similar, but so different and we, you create a place where, um, I feel like I, where I don't normally feel like I can have hard conversations about certain topics. You make it, make it feel like it's safe place and I appreciate you for that. And as nervous and trepidatious. True. I don't know if that's the right word. As I am for going into hard conversations, I wanna walk what we, what I preach of like we gotta, we gotta talk about the hard stuff. We gotta be uncomfortable, get comfortable being uncomfortable. So here we go.

robin: 36:39

Here we go. And we know that our foundation is around honoring. Mm-hmm. I honor the light that lives mm-hmm. In you. And I also see it that lives in me. And that light doesn't mean that my light has to outshine yours or try to convince your light of anything else. I just want, I just wanna talk.

nicole: 37:01

Yeah, let's just have the conversation.

robin: 37:03

We're gonna talk. I love it. We we're gonna keep talking. Yep. All right. See you all next time.

nicole: 37:07

Bye guys.

37:08

Bye.

Speaker: 37:08

Hey, before you go, this podcast is made possible by our soul led solopreneur businesses, nicole coates.com, where Nicole's helping moms navigate the pain of distance or estrangement. And robin's well nest where soul meets science meets systems to live, lead, and learn. Well support us there because it supports the conversations that we're having here. And if you love this episode, please subscribe, share it with a friend, and leave a review because that also helps our village grow. Now we also have the vault for you. You download the vault, which is our growing library of resources, reflection tools, and extras in the show notes, as well as at motherhood in the messy middle.com. Until next time, remember, you're never alone in the messy middle.