Episode 8 - Letting go of the Perfect Family Ideal with Robin Lynn

In this moving episode, I sit down with Robin Lynn. 

Robin is a clarity coach, speaker, musician and the unapologetic host of the Gucci God podcast. As the founder of Robin Lynn Coaching, Robin guides women through life’s pivots with power, prayer, and a little bit of cosmic spice.

Robin shares her journey into and through motherhood. From navigating postpartum with bipolar disorder and infidelity to being blindsided in a custody battle, to redefining what it means to be a “good mother”. 

We talk about the expectations we carry, the stories we inherit and how motherhood rarely, if ever, looks the way we imagined. And more than anything, this episode is a testament to what’s possible when you stop judging yourself and start building something that works for you and your child even if it doesn’t look picture-perfect on the outside.

FIND ROBIN HERE: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robin-weaver-04048182/

ABOUT ROBIN:

Robin Lynn is a clarity coach, speaker, musician, and the unapologetic host of the Gucci God podcast—a bi-spiritual sanctuary for women who love Jesus and their crystals.

With a Master’s in Neuroscience & Education from Columbia University and years of experience in transformational coaching, Robin empowers women to break free from people-pleasing, reconnect with their purpose, and rise into the woman God designed them to be. Her unique approach blends brain-based strategy with soul-led alignment, uniting the sacred and the stylish in every session.

As the founder of Robin Lynn Coaching, creator of the On Purpose 1:1 mentorship, and leader of Clarity Club, Robin guides women through life’s pivots with power, prayer, and a little bit of cosmic spice. Whether she’s coaching clients, playing the pipe organ in church, or preaching truth on Instagram, she embodies what it means to walk holy and high-vibe—rosary in one hand, rose quartz in the other.

FOLLOW ROBIN LYNN:

Instagram: @robinlynncoaching

Facebook: Robin Weaver

Podcast: Gucci God 

GET GROUNDED

Learning to connect to myself was one of the most important parts of discovering who I was and what I really wanted when I became a mother - and it still is. We grew up giving away our power - looking for answers externally when we had them inside all along. Realising this was profound for me. But it took practice - over and over.

Getting still.

Listening.

Connecting.

Acting on the whispers and nudges, building trust with ourselves. I’ve created a free 5 minute audio for you, called Get Grounded, to download so you can start today.

It’s available to download here:

https://www.mothershood.co.uk/get-grounded

Come and find me here:

Instagram: @mothers.hood
Facebook: @mothershoodtribe

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/samantha-murrell-03966132/

Transcript

Welcome to the Motherhood Podcast, where I lift the lid on the real, raw and honest parts of mothering, motherhood and trece.  Understanding what we are going through as we transition from a woman to a mother and beyond, and being supported and guided through this is essential to thrive in motherhood and hearing the challenges and struggles that others have encountered and overcome helps us make sense of our own lives, and fosters a feeling of connectedness and inclusion.

 But today we mother largely in isolation and have been robbed of these essential parts of the mothering experience. I hope this podcast will make you feel less alone and that it inspires and empowers you to mother, your own unique way to support you on your path of thriving in motherhood and beyond.

We are all in this together. Let's do this.

  Hello, and welcome back to another episode of the Motherhood Podcast. I am honored to be joined here today by Robin Weaver. Who has come to share her story of motherhood with us. Robin joins us from New Jersey and she's a coach herself. I will let her introduce herself in more detail and then we'll dive further in.

So thank you so much for coming, Robin. Absolutely. Thank you Samantha for having me. I'm so honored to be on your podcast. Um, yes, I am a coach. Uh, my business is Robin Lynn Coaching, and I help women that are spiritual to live their best lives by just giving them permission to live in full abundance. And I am bi spiritual, so I love everything, Christianity, as well as the manifestation and the woo woo aspect.

So I say. You know, love God, love Gucci, love all the things. And, I help women to fully express themselves in that way. So we'll definitely talk about motherhood today though. But I just wanted to give a background about what I do as a coach. I. Absolutely. Thank you. You've painted a really vivid picture for us of what you do and who you are.

And we are multifaceted beings, aren't we? So . Bringing all of ourselves to our work and our lives. So we are going to, dive in, and I'm gonna start, let's call it at the beginning. It's obviously not always the very beginning, but let's start at the beginning in terms of becoming a mother so tell us about your entrance into motherhood, how it was for you, perhaps some expectations of how it was versus the reality. So going way back, when I was pregnant, when I had my daughter, she was three weeks early, however. , She was actually nine pounds, seven and a half ounces. So first of all, right off the bat, I had a big, bold baby.

She was ready. Coming into the world and I, had my partner at the time, we weren't married. My mom and my partner were in the delivery room with me and right off the get go, to be honest with you, Samantha, it was a struggle the father of my children, his parents didn't want us to raise this child, so they actually had child protective services questioning me while I was in labor giving birth to this beautiful little girl.

And it was a struggle, from the get go because I had. Um, we had the resources, we had our own place. We had a crib for her. We had everything in place for her, but they didn't think that we were fit to be parents and they wanted to take her away from us. So from the get go, the motherhood struggle and we did get to keep her.

It was fine. We actually had to have a visitor come every month to make sure that we were doing the proper things. So it was a little bit of a headache to say the least, how I entered into motherhood. And, aside from that, I. Struggle with bipolar disorder. I am now medicated, but back in the day, things weren't as stable as they are today.

So I had to navigate through that as well. And having this beautiful little person to now take care of was just another stepping stone into. Being a real adult and having a responsibility for the first time, really. So it was a lot to unpack. Wow. Yeah, and I can really feel that. And gosh, what an entrance into motherhood, it can be really, really hard even when it , quote unquote.

Seemingly goes to plan, which it never does, but throw all those things there at you and the support network working against you. Yeah, that sounds incredibly hard. And, there's a few questions that come out of that.

So what was the effect of that on your mental health? In terms of in the postpartum period? And what happened next? I. So, , actually even in my pregnancy, I was hospitalized. I was not on medication while I was pregnant. So to give the baby the best chance, obviously, to come into the world, naturally, I actually gave birth naturally.

I didn't take any medication or drugs when I gave birth, but my mental health definitely played a role. As soon as I gave birth and became a mother, I did go back on medication to keep my mood stable. So I was navigating that and I was navigating a partner who was not faithful to me and ended up leaving when my daughter was one.

So that was a bit of a. Another layer to kind of navigate. And I was of course, like I said, medicated throughout the whole process. Postpartum was not so bad because I was medicated. I would say I. When I look at some of my friends and the depression that they experienced and everything, it wasn't as strong with me in my illness with bipolar disorder.

My main symptom is mania, so being more elevated, being more, energized, that type of thing. So having that, illness was really. Kind of a blessing that I was on the medication because I didn't have those low lows that I feel some women unfortunately go through. Mm. But, like I said, when she was one, my partner left.

He went on a trip that I paid for and then never came home. I was at, I was ready to pick him up from the airport and he didn't come home. He went home with another woman who, is now my daughter's stepmom, and I love her to death, but at the time was not the best of situations. Mm gosh.

That's incredibly hard and to have that happen to you when your daughter was one at any time. Of course it's difficult, but when you are just really in those early stages of learning to be a mother who you are now. And dealing with mental ill health. And I know you did say you were medicated and more stable, but it's still there, isn't it?

Yeah. So that must have been a really intense time for you. So, what happened next in those, weeks and months after he announced that he was leaving? Yeah, so we actually still lived together for some time. He ended up coming home eventually, like he did go to, his partner's, place of residence when he had left me, quote unquote.

But, we didn't have the resources, the finances, to split up right away. So we still lived together for some time, , parenting my daughter. And then after that he had moved, we were up north. In New Jersey and his, girlfriend at the time lived in South Jersey, so he ended up getting his own apartment in South Jersey.

And then the co-parenting fund began, we had to juggle having her and,. I had her for most of the time during her young times because I was breastfeeding and things of that nature. And so I had her most of the time during the week he would get her on the weekends.

We had a whole court battle about it., As far as who would get or when, and. I was blindsided at the court. He said, oh, we're just gonna go, we'll talk it over. We'll just have mediation. And his parents had paid for a high profile lawyer. So once again, I was blindsided and, had to go through that struggle.

But through it all, my parents are a great support system. They were really helpful in the process of, helping me parent her and. As the time progressed, come kindergarten., I don't wanna like go, you know, we could be here forever. She's 17. So just kind of even reminiscing about this, brings me back.

But in kindergarten, I did have her up until a time she was going to Catholic school at the, , school that I was a music teacher for. I was a musical director for the church at the time, and she went to the Catholic, . The Catholic kindergarten, and again, my mental health took a turn for the worst.

And her, his parents got involved and she ended up living with, my ex's parents to finish out the school year. And then from that, sorry I'm rambling, but it's just all coming back to me. It's okay. You carry on. Yeah, so, and then she ended up doing school full-time in South Jersey at that time.

My ex and his girlfriend were well established. They lived together now and then,, she lived there. During the week to go to school, and then I saw her on the weekend. So it was a flip of custody and it was really in her benefit,, just because my mental health was not stable. I was in and out of hospital and, it was just best for her, even though it was so hard on me not to have my daughter full-time and be like, the parent that does the schooling, does the homework with her after school.

It was really, really difficult. Hmm. It really sounds like it. That sounds like a lot to deal with. The logistics and the physical aspects of it, the financial aspects of it, and then all the emotional side of it. I can really hear that. And. Can you just talk us through and take us back to those, the feelings that came up.

You did talk about the impact it had on your mental health as well, but just in terms of your feelings of yourself as a mother. 'cause again, your identity, is becoming, and it was evolving as a mother and took about perhaps the expectations of how it would feel and be, look to be a mother versus what happened and then the evolution of that throughout, your daughter's sort of childhood.

Yeah. I mean, for me, I grew up in a household. My parents have been together my whole life, so I expected a mother to be there all the time. My mom didn't work for most of my childhood, but she did have some jobs here and there. But she was always the one bringing me to extracurriculars and .

Doing my homework with me and making sure, things were in check. And I didn't really have that experience as a mother. So, for me, it kind of made me feel sad. I was like, oh, who am I? And even now we joke like, I'm the fun mom, because I don't have the responsibility of having to do the things,, like making sure she gets to school or walks to school or takes the bus and does all the things.

But, it was really eye-opening because I expected when I got pregnant to be with my partner forever., I thought we would get married and just have a quote unquote normal, experience of what parenting would be. And obviously that is not what was in store for me and. It was really difficult,, aside from the mental illness itself, but just the fact that my identity as a mother was not the same as even my friends.

You know, I would do mommy and me and do these fun library events with her on the weekends and meet other mom friends, but they have their child all the time. You know, they had the close knit. Expectation of what a mother should be and what that looks like. And for me it was like, okay, I have my daughter and then all through the week I'm this single person who was basically living a single, it was a really living a double life.

Mm. Yeah. Right now, I'm nine years sober, but at the time I was still drinking, so I was like partying when I didn't have her. And it was probably self-medicating because I was not granted the idea, the whole like full-time motherhood experience, to be honest with you.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Absolutely. And it's rife, isn't it? The particular way that we should bring up our children and we should be a mother. That intensive mothering narrative is rife and it's hard and there's lots of judgment and actually mothers also often judge and criticize each other.

We kind of police each other and it's, really hard when we don't fit into that narrative. And just going back to those expectations of what a, good mother should look like, and that came from your mother. How do you feel about that in terms of if you absolutely had to choose , and when you realized that those expectations came from your mother, if you really sat and thought about it, is that exactly how you would want to do it or would you have chosen those of parameters differently because we don't often realize that , we subconsciously have absorbed those, I mean, obviously it's natural.

We look at our own mothers and those close to us, and then those images that are pushed upon us by media, but actually choosing yourself, choosing , the ideal way to mother in terms of your personality, your particular circumstances. Would it, differ from, that, that you saw from your parents or would it be similar I'm interested to know.

Yeah, I mean, I think it would be pretty similar. I, I had a very nice childhood. My parents didn't have like loads of money, but we definitely were given everything we needed. I have two brothers, , and myself and I. My, youngest brother's 11 years younger than me, so that's a whole different story.

But, the brother that I of grew up with, he and I had a strong bond, and as far as my mom, she did the best she could with the resources she had available. And that's all I could say to that. She, she tried her best, she had us young. She had me young, only when she was 20 years old.

My dad was obviously a young father and he worked so much and he worked third shift. So I only had my mom really around, I would see my dad in the morning off to the bus 'cause he was coming home from work. But it was hard. . For my mom, I think, because she was almost, in a way, a single even though my dad was there, he was working that third shift, which was really hard to navigate.

So, like I said, my mom did the best she could with what she had. And I think for myself as a mother, I would've loved to be there for her and allow for her to. Do more things like the way that she turned out is amazing. And of course there's still so much growth to go, but she would've been involved in different things, you know?

So she had the influence of her stepmom a lot. So she was a cheerleader and she did soccer where those are like things that her stepmom did growing up. Whereas I was in musicals and did choir and did, different things. So she would've probably been a whole different person, if she would've been with me full-time.

But I don't discount that and I'm not bitter towards it. Because who she is today is a really strong, independent young lady and I'm really proud of her for it. But, it is kind of a what if scenario, you know, like, oh, well what if I could have handled having her full-time? What would that have looked like?

But again, I can't, I'm very much so the type of person that doesn't regret the past. , I think everything happens the way it's supposed to. And I am so incredibly grateful to Kelly and to Michael for, raising her the way that they did. , Because. Again, she leaves for the Air Force in a few months.

She's an outstanding human, but her childhood, she had to go through a lot and she went through mommy being hospitalized and not coming home for a month and being medicated and having to navigate that. So a lot of things for sure. But as far as your question, , I think. My mom and my aunts were the only representation of what a mother should be that I had, right?

So I didn't know any better. So I think that I would've most likely just mothered in the same way that I saw represented to me, and I hope that you can see what impact you've had on your daughter's life as well. And it isn't just your husband and. Yeah, his partner because, we underestimate, sometimes the impact we have on our children, and we don't have to be there 24 7 every day to have that impact.

Yeah. It is hard for me to, take ownership of that. Like I have friends say, stop it. You're not just the fun mom. And I'm like, well, that's how I feel a lot of the times, because I'm not with her all the time. I mean now it's a different relationship because she drives, she has a job, , she just graduated high school, but back in the day , when I moved down to South Jersey, it became a lot easier for me to see her whenever we didn't follow a rigid custody agreement.

It was then just, I'll go there when I can. I'll see her for dinner or I'll see her. For breakfast, whatever the case may be. But when I was down here, it made the relationship a lot more fun. But that's why I always took on the role of Hey, I'm the fun mom, and Kelly is the one that does the.

Discipline and makes her clean her room and, does all that type of thing. So it was a little bit different, but thank you for that. I really appreciate you, , bringing that to light because I don't think that I give myself enough credit for the part I did play. Absolutely. And I'm glad that you could feel that because it's so multifaceted, bringing up a child and you can see the narrative, can't you?

Of I'm not the one that gave her the discipline but you brought. So much color to her life in different ways. So I'm sure she already is a beautiful young woman and I can see how proud you are of her. So thank you for sharing all of that. There was of intimate details there.

And I know that , sometimes these stories, actually bringing up lots of memories and things that perhaps you haven't thought about for some time. Yeah, for sure. I haven't thought about most of this in a very long time. So just wanna touch on the co-parenting side of this, because that's another thing to navigate.

We don't actually see many healthy co-parent relationships in the media film culture and around us is often that kind of discourse and I know you've said previously that it's actually, worked out well. Can you talk us through some of the things that have happened and how you've navigated them and how you feel about the situation now?

I. Yeah, I mean obviously in the beginning it was a big shock and at first I was devastated, right? It wasn't just losing somebody to parent with, it was losing my partner. It was having this deep hatred for the woman that broke up my family. But over time, seeing the good impact that she did have in my daughter's life and as things got better and he moved in with her and had better relationship with my daughter and I saw the good she was doing for my daughter.

I joke that it was like me and Kelly that raised her. Her father is obviously there and he is, he is a, a perfect, not perfect. Oh my gosh, I can't even believe that word just came outta his mouth. But, he is a good father as much as he can be, but, , it's really, the stronghold of like what me and Kelly built to co-parent and to.

Just allow communication and, not hide things from each other. To always be open and honest with what's going on in Emma's life. And that, made it a lot better. I mean, now we even have events together. We had her cheer banquet. We were all there together.

We had her high school graduation. We're gonna have her party in a couple weeks where it's not just me and. Them. It's my family and his family and everybody that comes together. And we all recognize that we're there for Emma, right? And it's not about us. Our egos need to be aside and our resentments that we might have towards each other or the past, they need to be put aside to make the best situation for her, you know?

So it's. My dad always praises me for how well it's gone because I could have held a grudge. That was not a very nice experience to go to pick up your partner from an airport and him not come home, and then his parents being like, oh, that's just Michael. He'll, he'll come around eventually and I'm like, what?

What is this? You know? I have a one-year-old at home, so I could have held a grudge about that. Right? I could have held that narrative the whole time and been the victim of somebody leaving me. And, instead, I turned it around the most that I could and made it so that Emma has a good, strong foundation

we're not a nuclear family, but she has her family and she has me and she has my parents and she has her grandparents and all the things. So I'm really grateful for it because with my mental health, like I said, I am very stable now, but. Through my twenties and thirties, it was not as easygoing as it is now.

It took a lot of tweaking and a lot of therapy to get to where I am today. Robin, you are such a beautiful soul. Just your determination, your openness. And I was just thinking then of, I'm actually feeling quite emotional. All the beautiful traits that you have shown your daughter, you've shown her how to be an adult and have mature relationships.

When you are feeling betrayed yourself, you have put that above everything that she has, that stability you've shown. Uh, how to create a stable family when it doesn't look the way that you expect or society expects. And like you said, the open communication, a lot of people do not have those relationships and don't model that to our children, and just because they're in a nuclear family.

Often those, it's not being modern in those families. So just because it's a nuclear family doesn't mean , it's the right way to do it. So really, I hope that you can see all those wonderful gifts that you've given to your daughter. , And this isn't supposed to be a coaching session, but because you said that you struggled a bit to see it yourself, and if anybody's listening and kind of beating themselves up about. Not having this kind of quote unquote perfect looking family. And this is what the podcast is all about. It's mothering our own way, and we might not have chosen the way, but actually the way that it has turned out you, you've made it your own way and you are doing it the way that is right for you and your family.

And that is such a beautiful gift to go forward. And Emma's gonna take that into her life and and all those strengths. So, um. Yeah, it was beautiful. Thank you. Thank you for sharing all of that. Thank you for mirroring that back to me because it's definitely hard for me to see the part that I've played, but it definitely is there.

She has, woven in her , the bits of characteristics that I portray. And, she might not have chosen to be in musicals and be in choir in school, but she definitely has the SAS that I have and love it. Yeah. And she's still a good singer even though she won't admit it,

, I would say anybody listening, if you don't have the typical like nuclear family that society says we should have, just try to put yourself aside and keep the lines of communication open, because that is pivotal and necessary if you wanna raise a healthy child,, in the world.

It's really important to say that because we think that every wrong, again, wrong move is going to break our children. It's going to ruin them, and that we have to do it this particular very narrow, perfect way. And actually it's how we deal with that situation that makes our children.

Resilient and then you've created that sense of safety for her in amongst all of that which, initially potentially was chaos. And then you have brought the calm and stability and shown her that life. Isn't this picture perfect, doing it this way? Could cookie cutaway actually you can choose your own path and it still will work out right.

For sure. I mean, if there's any word that describes me, it's resilient. After all the battles I've struggled through, after everything I've gone through, I always get back up, if I get knocked down and I see that in her, and that's, something that I'm really proud of. And that is one of the greatest gifts we can give to our children.

Isn't it resilience because. Ultimately that's what they need. Absolutely. Life can get lifey sometimes, for sure. Oh,  📍 Robin, I've absolutely loved this conversation. You have been so open and vulnerable, so thank you so much for sharing all of it and for sharing your life story with us. I hope that this resonates, with the listeners.

And I always say sharing our stories makes others feel less alone. So thank you again. Absolutely. I love being a guest. Thank you for having me.

 Thank you so much for listening. If you enjoy this conversation and would like to support the podcast so we can reach as many mothers as possible, please share it with your mom of friends, or leave a rating and review. Sign up for the Confident Combat Newsletter, your regular dose of honesty, support, and inspiration for navigating your return to work and with no hustle harder or productivity hacks insights.

Head over to my website, motherhood.co uk for more information. See you next time.