🎙️ Episode “Stop Carrying Their Burdens”

📘 Episode Description:

In this powerful episode of Feathered In Grace & Armor, Gina and Chadd reflect on a meaningful and full week—Holy Week, Easter, and Gina’s birthday—while looking back on their journey through 21 Days of Prayer and Fasting.

They open up about what they fasted from, what they learned, and how this intentional time with God shifted their hearts, their mindset, and their marriage.

Gina shares a heartfelt moment from her birthday, reflecting on the past year, growth, and gratitude. She also tells a touching story connected to Ava’s Backpack—a reminder of how small acts can carry big impact.

But at the core of this episode is a message many of us need to hear:

👉 Stop carrying burdens that were never yours to carry.

Gina and Chadd dive deep into the idea of “over-functioning”—trying to fix, control, and carry things for others that ultimately belong in God’s hands. Gina vulnerably shares how she’s often been the “over-functioner” in their relationship, and together they unpack how this can affect marriage, communication, and emotional health.

This episode is about letting go, trusting God, and finding freedom—for yourself and for those you love.

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed trying to hold everything together… this conversation is for you.

💬 If this episode speaks to you, please take a moment to leave us a 5-star review—it helps us grow and reach more people who need this message.

✨ We are excited to announce we have Aric & Angela on from the Blended Blessed and Always a Mess Podcast—be sure to check them out!

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Welcome to Feathered in Grace and Armor. I'm Gina.

SPEAKER_01 0:04

And I'm the Armor part of this podcast. I'm Chad.

SPEAKER_03 0:07

Together, we're here to explore the beautiful balance between grace and strength in our lives.

SPEAKER_01 0:12

In a world that often pushes us to choose sides, softness or toughness, vulnerability or resilience, we believe the true power lies in embracing both.

SPEAKER_03 0:21

Each week we'll dive into heartfelt conversations, share inspiring stories, and discuss the lessons we've learned on our journeys of faith, love, and personal growth.

SPEAKER_01 0:31

So join us as we uncover how to walk through life gracefully, all while wearing the armor of God against the challenges we face.

SPEAKER_03 0:38

Whether you're a man or a woman, our hope is that this podcast becomes a source of encouragement and wisdom for you.

SPEAKER_01 0:45

So let's spread our wings and forge ahead together on this adventure of life, love, and the pursuit of grace. Hey there. Hey. Thanks for clicking play and listening to this episode of Feathered and Grace and Armor.

SPEAKER_03 1:01

Yes, we're here to invite you in. Welcome.

SPEAKER_01 1:04

That's Gina.

SPEAKER_03 1:05

I'm Gina.

SPEAKER_01 1:06

And I'm Chad.

SPEAKER_03 1:08

You are.

SPEAKER_01 1:09

And we are here on another jam-packed edition of this old house. Just kidding. Hey everybody, it's Chad and Gina, Feathered and Grace and Armor. If I haven't said it once, I say it twice, I say it three times. Feathered and Grace and Armor. It just rolls off the tongue. It's so great.

SPEAKER_03 1:29

It does.

SPEAKER_01 1:30

So we're excited to be back here behind the mics. We actually took a week off.

SPEAKER_03 1:35

We did.

SPEAKER_01 1:35

Had a lot going on.

SPEAKER_03 1:37

It was Holy Week.

SPEAKER_01 1:38

It was Easter week, Holy Week. Good Friday, all the things.

SPEAKER_03 1:44

Gina's birthday.

SPEAKER_01 1:45

All the feels. Oh my gosh. That's right. You had a birthday, didn't you?

SPEAKER_03 1:50

Oh wow. Yes, I did.

SPEAKER_01 1:52

Totally forgot to celebrate your birthday, babe. Sorry. It was all about Easter. Just kidding. She's going to tell you about that later in the show. But we've got a great show planned. Actually, Gina planned it. Go figure. As Gina is the planner. Chad just shows up whenever she wants to cut a podcast and that is turns all the buttons.

SPEAKER_03 2:16

Inaccurate.

SPEAKER_01 2:17

All right. Well.

SPEAKER_03 2:18

But hey, we do want to ask for your five-star rating for the podcast because she's already begging for the five-star review.

SPEAKER_01 2:28

We haven't even got to the show yet.

SPEAKER_03 2:29

Well, let me just tell you, that helps us reach more people, and that's what we're doing this for. We just want to reach as many people as we can. This truly is a labor of love. It's a ministry for us. And so by you giving us five stars. On Spotify. Yes. That it helps get it to more people that might need to hear what we have to say.

SPEAKER_01 2:54

Maybe potentially.

SPEAKER_03 2:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:57

For sure.

SPEAKER_03 2:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:59

Well, Gina, I know you've been bugging me all day.

SPEAKER_03 3:03

I have. I have.

SPEAKER_01 3:05

I've been busy in some weeds that I created, and we're going to talk about those rocks later. She's got the full 911. But she's got a great uh great message today. So I'm just going to hand it over to you. And whenever you want me to come in for a little comic relief, just let me know. Just give me the look.

SPEAKER_03 3:24

Well, I I you you always come in with comic relief perfectly, but I also want you just to come in with, you know, being a participant and sharing your thoughts and okay. However, I want to go back to Holy Week.

SPEAKER_00 3:39

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:40

So there was a lot going on, and you and I had talked about the things that we were fasting our 21 days up until Easter, and you were fasting, limiting your cursing.

SPEAKER_01 3:53

And watching my dirty tongue.

SPEAKER_03 3:55

And how do you feel like you did?

SPEAKER_01 3:57

I think I did okay. I slipped up a few times, but of course I could have been better.

unknown 4:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:05

I feel like my driving was better. Good. We're gonna test that theory though in the next couple days or so.

SPEAKER_03 4:11

Yeah, you'll be testing that.

SPEAKER_01 4:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:14

And I gave up television.

SPEAKER_01 4:17

Which you did phenomenal.

SPEAKER_03 4:19

I I I did. I mean, I guess that sounds kind of a little confident, but it's it's confidence because I really I did. I I gave it up, and what I noticed is I just felt better. I felt so much better, and I started reading again, which I love to read.

SPEAKER_01 4:39

Could you imagine if people took a 21-day hiatus from their phones? Like scrolling and doomsday scrolling, as they as we call it.

SPEAKER_03 4:49

A lot of so a lot of women in my women's group at church did that. That's what they fasted. They fasted social media and scrolling, and one of them said actually Monday night that she's not going back.

SPEAKER_00 5:07

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 5:07

She's not going back to it.

SPEAKER_00 5:08

That's amazing. That's amazing.

SPEAKER_03 5:11

So yeah, so we did really well. I feel like we both did really well, and I feel like we felt really good about it. And I have been really cautious coming off of that because now so far this week, I've only watched one hour of television a day. And today I haven't done any and I might not because it's gonna be too late anyway.

SPEAKER_02 5:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:36

Um, so I just I I just wanted to put that out there to let you guys know and hold us accountable. And we held each other accountable and um and just encourage you. I mean, it doesn't have to be holy week or you know, Lent or leading up to Easter. I mean, do it now.

SPEAKER_01 5:53

21 days of prayer and fasting. Yeah. Find something for whatever the reason is.

SPEAKER_03 5:57

Absolutely. Something you want God to the other thing I wanna say too about Holy Week, talking to several people and some of my clients, and I feel like you and I experienced this, was a lot of spiritual warfare. I feel like our week really held a lot of spiritual warfare, and I kept hearing from friends that they were experiencing things too. And I I don't know that I've ever felt it like this before leading up this close to Easter. And someone said to me, the the closer you get in your relationship with the Holy Spirit, the more spiritual warfare you will experience. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:47

I mean, think about over the last year how close a lot of people in this world, not just this country, but have grown closer to God. You know. So it's yeah, the devil comes to rob, steal, and destroy.

SPEAKER_03 7:00

Yeah. So and then, you know, some people say, well, then I don't want to have us, I don't want to have a close spiritual connection or relationship with God if I'm gonna be attacked by, you know, demonic presence and spiritual warfare. But I'm gonna encourage you not to take that perspective because um it it happens regardless. But yes, I think, you know, the closer you are, I think you just are more aware or you feel it, you feel the presence a little bit more. Okay, so because of that, it kind of led to the topic because I really feel like there was some spiritual warfare going on. But one of the things that I like to do whenever it's my birthday is part of what I my celebration is I like to kind of take deep dives about what did my past year look like? What do I want for my upcoming year? Where areas that I need to grow? What are things that, you know, I did well, what are things I, you know, I still need some accountability for. And this year was no different. And I feel like it's something that a lot of us probably experience individually, and then we experience as couples. And, you know, it can be blended, not blended, it doesn't matter. Just, you know, whoever you're, you know, partnering with in life, um, whoever you're married to, I think that this is definitely something that a lot of us can probably it resonates with us. And so I wanted to share it with all of you. Yeah, no.

SPEAKER_01 8:46

No, I was just gonna say, I think it's a great, you know, I I think most people just celebrate their birthday, they have a party or a get together or a gathering and don't really sit down to reflect on, you know, that year, the year behind them, or whether the year they're gonna have going forward. They just, you know, it's another day, you know, whether you're, you know, 21, 30, 35, 40, 45, whatever. Right, you know. Right. But I but you you saying that was like, yeah, wow, you you should do that every year and just kind of reflect on what the year has brought and what you want to do going forward.

SPEAKER_03 9:19

And yeah, because our birthdays are gifts.

SPEAKER_01 9:21

Yeah, goal goal setting again. You know, I mean, every day is a gift. Yeah, I mean, every day before you put your feet on, you should be giving God the glory, glory. Right.

SPEAKER_03 9:29

So so if I had to title this uh podcast episode, I have so I'm just gonna be really vulnerable, transparent, I'm gonna just, you know, lay it out. So I I woke up at like three o'clock in the morning um last week, one morning. I often do that. It's not uncommon for me to wake up at 3 a.m. Yes, but I woke up at 3 a.m. because my just I was heavy, my heart was really heavy. We were going through some turmoil, some chaos.

SPEAKER_01 10:07

Turbulence.

SPEAKER_03 10:08

Turbulence. There you go. I don't like chaos, turbulence. I love that you coin that. And I've never really heard God's voice. I usually it's more of an imprint on my heart, or I will even feel like heavy in my chest if I, you know, invite him into my presence, the presence, the space. But I started praying and I I told Chad I I I had this visual of um of me um handing things to him. And then I heard him speak about what I was handing him. And I said, I have to get up and I have to start writing this down. And so that's what I did. I got up at three in the morning and I just started typing away on my laptop and creating this um topic, and then kind of going into a deep dive, and um, it's kind of led here. So if I had to title this, it would be girl, put it down, or stop carrying their burdens, or stop carrying the burdens that do not belong to you, or I like that one, stop picking up the burdens that do not belong to you.

SPEAKER_01 11:41

Yeah, those are great topics. I think I'll use one of them.

SPEAKER_03 11:45

So there you have it. So I'm just gonna share with you kind of I'm gonna try to give cliff notes, but I don't really want to give cliff notes. I want to give the meat, right?

SPEAKER_01 11:57

I think you should read the whole thing.

SPEAKER_03 11:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 11:59

I mean, you wrote it.

SPEAKER_03 12:00

Okay. Well, it's a little rough, but okay. So um this really did happen during the week when I was with um my granddaughters, my four-year-old granddaughter, Ava. She filled her backpack full of things that she wanted to put in it, take with her while she played outside. And she wanted to carry it on her back. And it was really full and it was heavy. And I was really trying to encourage her not to do that. However, she insisted that it go on her back. So we did it. But after a while, she grew tired of carrying her backpack because it was heavy, and she never removed or even unloaded anything out of the backpack while she was outside. So she just took it off and continued on her happy way to play for the rest of the day. And then when it was time to kind of wind down and get ready for bed, she went looking for an object that she had placed in the backpack that gave her comfort, but she couldn't find it. And she was going from room to room through the house, looking and also just asking all of us, you know, had we seen it, where could it be? And no one was able to give her an answer. Um, just of her ideas like where she could look. Like my daughter-in-law was like, go look in your room, go look in mommy and daddy's room. And as she continued, continued like to do the search of the house, I recalled that she had packed her backpack and then left it in the garage. And so I asked her if she had put that object in her backpack, and she emphatically answered me with a yes, and she ran to the garage and she located her backpack, she unzipped it and she removed the object, and it was her baby doll.

SPEAKER_00 13:43

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 13:46

Now, fast forward a couple days later, when I'm at this level of very high frustration, hurt, anger, and some resentment going on with this. With yours, truly. And so that's when I woke up at three and I was praying, you know, God, like, give me some guidance in this matter. Like, what what is my part in it? What, you know, what do I need to do? And like I said, you know, he answers as he always does. And it it is maybe it's not typically it's not right away, right? And like we think we should, but nonetheless, he always answers. But this time he he answered right away. And I told you that I could clearly see myself handing him things, and I heard a voice say, Stop carrying burdens that do not belong to you, and stop picking up burdens that do not belong to you, and also stop going back to the burdens that you've laid down and pick them back up. And that was so there was so much clarity in that because it is exactly what I do. I pick up burdens that are not mine on a consistent basis, not just from our from a marriage standpoint, but I do it for our children. I probably do it for friends sometimes. I don't know. I feel like mostly it's in the realm of you and our children.

SPEAKER_01 15:44

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 15:45

But like my granddaughter, I may put them down for a while, but I I'll return to the backpack and I'll pick them back up and I'll carry them with me. And my default is to pick up and carry burdens that do not belong to me. And so as I'm writing all of this, thinking this, praying on this, I realize that I'm over functioning. And it is a real term in psychology.

SPEAKER_01 16:19

That is a big word.

SPEAKER_03 16:22

That we are there are over-functioners and there are under-functioners in life, in relationships. And I am I am definitely over-functioning on all cylinders.

SPEAKER_01 16:36

And before she gets to the rest of this story, you should probably go ahead and just leave us that five-star review on Spotify right now because this is so good. And the second half of this story is gonna be even better because she's gonna tell us all about overfunctioning, under functioning, and all the things. So leave Gina a five-star review.

SPEAKER_03 17:00

I think it's leave us a five-star review.

SPEAKER_01 17:02

All right, okay. Continue.

SPEAKER_03 17:04

So, what I was realizing and just trying to write everything out and just, you know, put it somewhere, right? I realized that it can be real simple things that I can overfunction. Like, here's here's an example. I will make sure that Chad has water for the day because he can get very busy that he doesn't even drink enough water. And so I'll, you know, just may I'm always like, have you had water today? Have you had any water today? Where's your water? I'll just go get him water, bring him water, fill it. And same with eating. Like, have you eaten today? What have you eaten today? Was it nutritious? And, you know, I'll just anticipate his needs before he does.

SPEAKER_01 17:49

Gosh, I'm so glad you're not like really asking me what I had to eat today.

SPEAKER_03 17:54

And then it can be, you know, silly things like he'll he'll complain for weeks that, oh, I need a haircut, I need a haircut. Well, why don't you find somebody to cut your hair? But he doesn't do it.

SPEAKER_01 18:06

And so then I'm scrambling to find a barber, a hairstylist for him, you know, to get his haircut, or I'm trying to mind you, and mind you, I didn't ask you to go find me.

SPEAKER_03 18:18

You did not. A hairstylist. You are correct.

SPEAKER_01 18:22

I complained about my hair being long and I know I need to get a haircut, but I didn't say, hey, Gina. You did not. I need you to find me a barber or a or a stylist. And she's like, oh, there's a barber shop down the road, or oh, there's a and I'm sending him salon over here.

SPEAKER_03 18:38

I'm texting him. Here they are, here they are. He didn't ask me to do it.

SPEAKER_01 18:41

I'm like, listen, lady, when God shows me the right stylist, I'll pull in and I'll go ask for their prices and I'll make the decision whether I want to pay$55 for a haircut or if I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_03 18:53

Yes, because he's making his decision based on the price, not their expertise. But anyway, that's a sidebar.

SPEAKER_01 18:59

It is a sidebar. Can we share the story of the sidebar real quick? Because I did get my hair cut.

SPEAKER_03 19:04

You didn't. It looks great.

SPEAKER_01 19:05

Yeah. And it was crazy because the stylist that I went to actually reminded me of our daughter Rachel.

SPEAKER_03 19:13

Yes, who is a hairstylist.

SPEAKER_01 19:14

Who I love the way Rachel cuts my hair. And I don't think anybody else has cut it the way she has. But this girl was her name was Rachel. Her name was Rachel. Yeah, and it was just, it was, it was very, it was just wild because it was yeah, it was just wild.

SPEAKER_03 19:28

Yes. So it's things like that that I will even like pick up, like little things. It doesn't necessarily always have to be these big things. And he doesn't ask me to. It is. To an extent. Yeah, to an extent. To an extent, because it's different when it's a constant thing. It's it's all it's all the time. All the time. Yeah. It's not just like, oh, hey, I see that, you know, let me let me grab you some water today or whatever. So I just felt like I am constantly overfunctioning, constantly caring, constantly it takes me to like a place I don't want to be, like in a place of parenting or nagging. And then it goes deeper, right? It's deeper than I really could ever imagine as I was sitting there, like I said, asking God for guidance, asking him to show me clarity. And it it goes back to when I was a little girl and my parents divorced when I was six, and my mom was a stay-at-home mom, and then she had to go out into the workforce. And I came home every day, starting in first grade after school at six years old, to an empty apartment. And I had to care for myself and start dinner sometimes. And I had to wake up in the morning and my mom would have already left for work and had to get myself ready for school and to school. And luckily, we lived very close. I could walk, but still I was six years old. Yeah, sure. And so I realized that I was caring for myself and carrying burdens that did not belong to me. And I was praised for how well I cared for myself. And my identity was shaped and formed on how well I did that. And how well I kind of carried the burdens for other people.

SPEAKER_01 22:04

And it was just survival. It was just survival. You didn't know any better. No.

SPEAKER_03 22:09

And my mom could not afford to have like babysitters. Yes. Couldn't afford to do that. At a different time. Right. So what do I do today? I care for others. I anticipate everyone else's needs. I overfunction. I pick up and carry burdens that are not mine to carry. And it's a hard pill to swallow.

SPEAKER_01 22:29

But part part of the time, I feel like you enjoy it to an extent.

SPEAKER_03 22:35

Well, here's what ha here's what happens to overfunctioners.

SPEAKER_01 22:38

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 22:38

We do enjoy it to an extent because it's our identity, but what ends up happening is we get resentful. And I have felt very resentful lately. And that's not good. That's the part that's not good.

SPEAKER_01 22:56

Yeah, I could hear the pin drops. I get it.

SPEAKER_03 22:59

So I I think it's an even harder cycle to break and the boundaries have to be set and maintained. And I see areas where I've made progress. You know, I've done my boundary work. And but I also see areas where I need more work. And I, as I was doing this, I'm just, you know, I'm wondering if any of this burden carrying and overfunctioning is resonating with any of you out there. And I wonder how many marriages and relationships where we've got a huge overfunctioner and a big underfunctioner. And we need to be a lot more balanced because that's the healthy place. And like I said, there is a difference between kindness and caring what does not belong to you. But I feel like, you know, for me, doing the critical review and doing some awareness and really taking a deep dive that it's time for me to unload that backpack of burdens and give them back to who they belong to. Because actually it's a gift to those around me because now I'm gonna make room for more joy. Because who doesn't want to be around a joyful person?

SPEAKER_01 24:27

I want to be around a joyful person.

SPEAKER_03 24:28

Right. Instead of somebody who is always overfunctioning.

SPEAKER_01 24:33

I just need to make sure that I do all of my tasks and all my chores and all the things that I need to do. So Gina's not picking up my backpack full of rocks.

SPEAKER_03 24:41

Right. But it's it's also like it creates space for the holder of the burden to grow in their self-leadership and be more responsible and more resourceful because I'm taking that away from people.

SPEAKER_02 24:53

Sure.

SPEAKER_03 24:53

Like I'm taking that away from you. I'm taking that away from our children. I'm taking that away from our grandchildren. So I have to, you know, use my own self-leadership and be more responsible and stay in my lane and not carry other people's burdens. And I think too, it, you know, when we do set these boundaries, I think what you're gonna find it will cause some discord and it might even cause some disconnection because most people don't like it when they have to carry their own burdens. And I say that in the most gentle way possible because, you know, I coach women and I walk alongside them and I do carry their burdens with them as I'm walking alongside them, but we work towards unloading those burdens. So I don't take them with me. Right. So, yes, you know, we do, we might carry somebody's burdens for a little while, but I'm talking about doing it all the time because underneath that is control.

SPEAKER_01 26:06

That's a whole nother show by itself, isn't it?

SPEAKER_03 26:08

Well, we've talked a lot about that.

SPEAKER_01 26:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:12

So I I wanted to share this not because I wanted to point out flaws uh, you know, about Chad or um about, you know, our children. Um I just meant to bring you along like on my journey, our journey, just of self-discovery. And this is really about me and my need and desire to do more growth and and self-leadership and looking at the areas where I need to identify change and growth. And it's my personal responsibility to do the hard things and work on me. Their self-leadership is their responsibility. Again, not my burden to pick up or carry. I have my own burdens to unpack and leave unpacked. So as I'm, you know, talking about overfunctioning, of course, you can do all kinds of Google searches. And in psychology today, I tell you that overfunctioning in a relationship occurs when one partner consistently does more than their share of emotional, mental, or practical work. This often leads to burnout, resentment, and codependent dynamic where the other partner underfunctions, creating an unhealthy, imbalanced cycle. It often arises from a desire to control, help, or manage the partner's life.

SPEAKER_01 27:34

Does that mean I'm an under-functioner if you're the overfunctioner?

SPEAKER_03 27:38

In our relationship, yes.

unknown 27:40

But wow.

SPEAKER_03 27:41

I'm the over and you're the under. But I don't give you the space to make the bed, to, you know, balance it out. So that's the burden that I have to unload. I have to make space for you to do that. So, you know, key signs of overfunctioning is mental load. Like you manage most of the tax decision and future planning. Um, you have a fixer mentality, you try to fix your partner's problems, regulate their emotions, or improve them. You're over-responsible, you take responsibility for your partner's responsibilities, such as reminding them of appointments, organizing their lives, or managing their relationships.

SPEAKER_01 28:23

When you say appointments, just because I haven't scheduled the doctor's appointment yet, is that part of it? That's another one. Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 28:30

Yeah. Um, and so it goes into resentment and irritability. You feel exhausted, resentful of the imbalance, and frequent frequently snap at your partner. Yes. I snapped at you last week.

SPEAKER_01 28:42

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'll make the doctor's appointment when my leg is falling off.

SPEAKER_03 28:48

Oh, and then you also might have difficulty setting boundaries. You struggle to say no or allow others to face consequences. And I think that's where I I definitely struggle with that if it's going to affect me in some way. And that typically is between you and I, because you know, when you're in a marriage, what you do does affect the other person. But I take it even to like with our kids, like I don't say no, you know, I just I always want to, you know, and not giving them like they need to face their own consequences sometimes. So what causes overfunctioning? Hmm, well, um I think a lot of times it is about um an overfunctioner can be high achieving, but have be anxious. Um and the dynamic there is when there's an underfunctioner who's more passive and dependent, and then it just unconsciously you create it, and then it's just like a self-perpetuating cycle. And it stems from the need to feel needed, fear of chaos, or having been parent to parent fied as a child, where you had to care for siblings or parents. Wow. So I think you know, and I I don't have any siblings, but I definitely had to, I felt I had to regulate my parents' emotions because that kept me safe. So um, there you've got that.

SPEAKER_00 30:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 30:29

So if we want to break the cycle, we have to set boundaries, right? We have to refuse to take on tasks that are not our responsibility. We have to manage our own anxiety, self-leadership, self-responsibility, focus on your own life, your emotions, and self-care rather than fixing your partners. And you have to allow underfunctioning, like let your partner, children, whoever, you know, let them experience the natural consequences of their inaction. Like their inaction, right? And what do I always say that, right? I'm always like, there, there are natural consequences. Yes. Um, and so you have to create that space for them to step up. And then you have to communicate your needs, you know, express that you need a more equitable partnership rather than just doing more work. Because that's what I'll do. I'll just keep doing more work instead of saying, like, hey, I need, I need it to be more balanced and then rebalance the responsibility. So you have to actively discuss and redefine roles that will foster a more balanced relationship.

SPEAKER_01 31:34

That's a lot, isn't it? It's a lot. It's fascinating though. Is it fascinating? So can you be under can you be an under?

SPEAKER_03 31:42

You really want to know about this underfunctioner.

SPEAKER_01 31:43

Can you be an underfunctioner but an overachiever?

SPEAKER_03 31:48

Do you feel like that's what you are?

SPEAKER_01 31:50

I just, I just, I can never beat you because you always do all the things so quickly.

SPEAKER_03 31:57

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 31:57

But but to my defense, like I won't go to the doctor until it really, really hurts.

SPEAKER_03 32:04

But I have to listen to you complain.

SPEAKER_01 32:05

I know. So now I'm gonna now I'm to the point where I'm gonna call the doctor and where we're gonna get that done.

SPEAKER_03 32:10

I have been trying to do better, if you notice. Like I've been trying to like leave the dishes in the sink and leave the bed and let you do it. Yeah. I've been trying more, but I need to do those things too. Like it's more of a balance. Okay. Okay. All right. So um, so we've kind of talked about, you know, the signs of it, of being an over-functioner and, you know, under functioning. And I feel like we talked about this on our last podcast too, a little bit about how, you know, women take that as a badge of honor, like, oh, I do everything right. And we talked about how the men will just sit back and go, okay, well, I can't do anything right, so I don't do it at all. And that is kind of where the over and under functioning also happen, I feel like. Um so at the end of the day, you have to have some clarity about yourself, and you have to look at your own accountability, and you have to look at what are you caring, what are you doing that you really shouldn't be doing. And you have to have the conversation, you have to set the boundaries and you have to maintain them, and you have to have the conversation about it, and you have to look and see like, why is it happening? So, for me, going back and saying, wow, how deep this really is. Like it started, like I said, when I was that little girl and I had to kind of take care of myself, and then I I earned a lot of praise for that. Like my mom would brag on me in front of people, or in front of me to people, about how well I took care of myself and dusted and swept and and you know, started dinner and and that kind of stuff. And so I mean, that that was my identity.

SPEAKER_00 34:16

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:19

And now I I see that I see it with clarity. And it's time that I right put down those put down that backpack of burdens and don't pick it back up.

SPEAKER_01 34:36

Amen to that.

SPEAKER_03 34:38

Should we still get a five-star review?

SPEAKER_01 34:40

I'm hoping somebody leaves you a five-star review. Uh well, they're gonna leave a five-star review on this show because it was all you. It was a great it. I mean, I don't do we have more to go. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 34:50

No, I I just really wanted to talk about it because I feel like I don't know, when you look at relationships, I mean, how many relationships of even our friends that I look at and I say, okay, which ones are balanced?

SPEAKER_00 35:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:07

And which ones is there the overfunctioner and under functioner? Yeah. You know, like truly, we when we look at at people like, are we seeing a balance? Are we seeing, but also that's not for us to judge. Right. But I just feel like this is something probably that a lot of couples can, it resonates with them. And I think it can cause, like you said, the turbulence, because it sure did cause us turbulence last week.

SPEAKER_01 35:35

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_03 35:36

Yeah, it really did.

SPEAKER_01 35:38

Well, we're getting through it. We are checking the boxes. We are, we're getting through it, kicking the devil's butt to the side.

SPEAKER_03 35:45

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Because we know that we have to just we have to talk about it, we have to face it, yeah, and have the conversation, which is what I love about you. Yeah, is that we can have the conversation.

SPEAKER_01 35:59

There's no way to get through it than to go through it.

SPEAKER_03 36:01

Go through it. You've always said that, and you are so right. Yeah. And so we have, and we did have a wonderful weekend, and you made my birthday special, and I my I felt really special. My birthday. A lot of people made me feel special this year. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:19

Good, good. Yeah. Well, hey, we want to thank you guys for listening to the Feathered and Grace and Armor Podcast. We want to let you know that April 24th, we are excited to have Angie and Eric from the Blended, Blessed, and Always a Mess podcast. Yes, you guys are gonna love them.

SPEAKER_03 36:34

I'm gonna fan girl.

SPEAKER_01 36:35

I'm telling you, I'm my fanboy. I'm just saying, if you guys haven't checked them out, Eric and Angie's podcast literally shares all the blessings and messiness with a blended family. They've got six kids hear about their challenges, the chaos, the lessons, and all the families, all how their family has grown together and their their trials and tribulations. It's gonna be a great podcast. So make sure you guys are turning in, turn in, tune in. Well, we yeah, we'll we're gonna record it on the 24th. So it'll probably be out within within a day or two of that. But uh, it's gonna be great. We're excited to have them on because uh we just love listening to their podcast as well. So that's all we got time for. Gina, thanks for a great podcast. Thank you guys for listening to Feathered in Grace and Armor, and we'll catch you on the next podcast.

SPEAKER_03 37:18

Bye you guys.