Shared Ground

Episode 7 - abandoned cars, solid partners and supporting your community with Kate Jerkens

• Sean Knierim & Allan Marks

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The moment disaster strikes, our truest selves emerge. When the LA wildfires swept through communities in January 2025, Kate Jerkens didn't hesitate. Before the flames had even crested the hill behind her home, her teenage daughter had already texted asking if her friend's evacuating family could stay with them. No deliberation needed—just immediate, unquestioning welcome.

This profound conversation explores what happens when offering help isn't a choice but an instinct. Kate, Chief Business Officer for Uncle Nearest Premium Whiskey, shares raw stories of early personal losses that shaped her understanding of community resilience: "picking yourself back up, putting one foot in front of the other, and doing your damn best every day." From opening her partially-renovated home to displaced families to watching teenagers channel trauma into community service, Kate reveals how Los Angeles showed up for itself in ways that defied stereotypes.

Beyond the initial emergency response lies the heart of this episode—what happens three months later? When the texts stop coming, the GoFundMe campaigns slow down, and people return to their lives, who's still checking in? Kate advocates for "three-month reminders" to reach out to those still rebuilding, still grieving, still processing trauma long after public attention has moved on. These delayed check-ins, she suggests, might be the most meaningful support we can offer.

The conversation weaves through profound questions of intergenerational resilience, systemic preparedness, and finding hope amid multiplying crises. Kate's optimism rests largely in today's youth, who "don't take shit from anyone" while demonstrating remarkable compassion and action. She also finds strength in her "found family"—the networks of support that sustain us when biological families are distant or gone.

Send that text message. Make that call. Set that reminder. Because true community resilience isn't just about the immediate response to disaster—it's about showing up again and again, long after the cameras have moved on and the ashes have cooled.

You can read more about how Kate and her family showed up for others at this Substack post.

Shared Ground is produced by Sean Knierim and Allan Marks. Thanks to Cory Grabow, Kara Poltor, Corey Walles (from The Recording Studio) for your support in launching this effort.

For more stories of resilience & rebuilding, kindness & generosity: visit shared-ground.com and subscribe to Sean's substack. We invite you to share your own stories of resilience at the Shared Ground website - whether in response to the January fires in LA or other situations.

Follow us at seanknierim.substack.com, Instagram, or wherever you listen to podcasts (Apple Podcasts, Spotify, etc).

Kate Jerkens:

Thanks for having me, guys.

Sean Knierim:

Can you tell us a little bit about you? Who are you? What are you bringing here to us today? However, you want to answer that.

Kate Jerkens:

My name is Kate. I am Kate Jerkens, I was previously Kate Lynch and have been in Los Angeles since 1997 when I attended UCLA, met my husband and have created my life here, and I am the chief business officer for Uncle Nearest Premium Whiskey and a mom of three well, four, because we have a dog and loving wife of Allan Jerkens, who we are about to celebrate 20 years of marriage with 20 years.

Allan Marks:

That's wonderful, congratulations, wow. Yeah, I don't look old enough to have 20 years of marriage with 20 years.

Sean Knierim:

Yeah, I don't look old enough to have 20 years of marriage under my belt, right guys?

Allan Marks:

They were married at the age of 8, with a childhood romance that worked, but it makes me question, though if you've gone through 28 years of marriage, you have some of 20 years of marriage. You have some idea, though, about what resilience might be right, because relationships also require it.

Kate Jerkens:

Absolutely. I mean, yeah, we're diving right into it. I mean, when he and I first started dating within two months of us starting dating, my 11-year-old cousin was killed in an accident at a birthday party in Northern California and I was at a UCLA football game and had to. He had to jump right in with some of my best friends to figure out how the heck to get me on a plane and get me home and then a week later how to support me in the funeral and all of that kind of stuff. So he and I have been he and I have definitely been at resilience for a while. About four months later his stepdad passed away from cancer. So I'd say we went through a couple of the big trials and tribulations pretty early on in our lives, and so we've seen each other ugly cry and our families do ugly things too. So I think that kind of sealed the deal a little bit.

Sean Knierim:

So, Kate, we're asking everyone who's coming on these episodes, like how would you define resilience? You can define it in terms of story, which you just did, but how would you try and define the word?

Kate Jerkens:

Gosh, I got a warning on this and it's still hard for me. I just think of resilience as just picking yourself back up and just putting one foot in front of the other and just doing your damn best every single day.

Sean Knierim:

So that's an individual set of resilience. So where we wanted to start the conversation is how you personally, your family, showed up for others. As we think back to January and the fires that swept through Pasadena or through Altadena and through the Palisades, you showed up right away. Can you think back to what you were seeing in early January, as you were seeing these fires coming down the hill?

Kate Jerkens:

Oh gosh. The first glimpse of the fire from our yard was just like oh, this is just another one of those LA fires. And within a few hours we knew it wasn't. And probably within 20 minutes or half an hour of the fire starting to burn, reese, my now 17-year-old daughter, texted and said can Maria and her family come to our house? I don't even know that that was asked. I think it was more of like I want to give them a solution right away because Maria's scared.

Kate Jerkens:

And from that moment on we were in touch with with you guys and with friends of ours in Santa Monica and, to be honest, we had just we had just renovated our house. We had a second story and so from our bedroom we could kind of gauge how the fire was building and it was terrifying and the wind was terrifying, and knowing you guys had left and so many others had left, and then watching the news and seeing cars stuck trying to leave the Palisades, it's one of the scariest things I've ever seen in my lifetime. To be honest. It felt like a true Armageddon. And then the reports of fires breaking out everywhere. You can choose to be a little bit frozen. I think we were a little frozen that night until we were given an opportunity to help, which was to encourage my best friend, beth and her family to come and stay at our house. They were in Santa Monica in that kind of 50 50 zone and you know our house was not in good condition yet, but we brought them in.

Sean Knierim:

You say renovated, we were renovating you were renovating, which will come into this story.

Kate Jerkens:

So they, beth and her husband and their two small kids, came and moved into Reese's room, which was not quite done, and Reese moved upstairs and Kellen moved here, and these are all lessons for us in helping others and community.

Sean Knierim:

Do you remember what went through your head when you offered Beth and her family that Like? Was it an immediate come here? Is it like? I don't know what the hell I'm doing, but come on over.

Kate Jerkens:

It wasn't even. I didn't even ask Alan. It was more of like they're coming over and he's like, yeah, of course they are, and that was it just was the most logical. You know it's funny. My kids call her Aunt Beth and they call and Kellen, my youngest, who's eight is always confused about like are they really his cousins and his aunts and uncles versus his blood aunts and uncles? And we don't really try to make too much distinction because they're family to us and there was just no other.

Sean Knierim:

But you're in family. I know people who have family that still would have been thinking like, do we invite him or not? But you guys didn't. Why do you just make that move?

Kate Jerkens:

That's just an innate thing, I will say.

Kate Jerkens:

I thinking back to like growing up or thinking about my you know I can't give like great examples, but I think even going back to that time when my cousin died, when I was 21 years old he was the only child of my aunt and uncle and an entire community we are from a small town showed up and I watched a lot of great examples and my aunt and uncle, I would say, are also great examples of two people who lost their only child way too early and then have lived their life since then helping people Like in the middle of him. He was declared brain dead. They kept him alive and donated all of his organs. You know, watching your son in that position, like. So I think there's been a lot of selfless acts and a lot of things and they didn't have that plan you don't plan for your son to die ever but they were able to make a decision like that in a heartbeat without even thinking twice. And so I think I've had a lot of examples since that moment of community showing up.

Allan Marks:

In a way, too, when you talk about it being innate and something you do without thinking twice. I mean it's sort of like not helping, not being there is not an option.

Kate Jerkens:

It feels wrong. It is wrong.

Allan Marks:

But it also feels like you don't. It's not that you're choosing to do something or not doing something. You're just doing what you have to do.

Kate Jerkens:

Yeah, that's exactly what you're just doing.

Sean Knierim:

We've talked a lot about choice on this podcast in different episodes. You just automatically do it versus choosing to go ahead and do it.

Kate Jerkens:

Yeah, it wasn't a big, there's no conversation, it's kind of like. So the next example would be when we figured out the next day that you had lost your home Reese, my daughter, marie's, one of their besties, that's what the kids are saying. It was going to her and saying cry, you can keep crying, and then you need to stop and you need to get in the car and you need to pick up your friends and you need to go to Target and Sephora and then you're going to show up with Maria and you're just going to be there and just be like that's just kind of who we are. There wasn't a question. It wasn't like Alan, I was like this is what the plan is. What you're feeling was. It was overwhelming and I think between myself and Jackie and some others we were able to say like what do you need? And when you just said just can you just come here to the hotel and we can talk about it, it was like well, that's easy.

Sean Knierim:

I woke up that morning of the 8th with 750 unread text messages on and I thought the first people I thought about were the moms that we showed up to kindergarten. We moved to Los Angeles the day before kindergarten started for my daughter, for Maria, and these moms showed up for us from the very beginning. They're the most competent, kind humans in the world, at least in my world.

Kate Jerkens:

A little quirky.

Sean Knierim:

Well, yeah, there's some quirk and we bring that too, but I called you first going, kate, can you just come and help? And you showed up. Your daughter and the two other girls that Maria met first when we moved here showed up. So we're sitting 13 years after we show up in town and the people who showed up for us day one walked into the Westin at the LAX.

Kate Jerkens:

But think about it with your family too. I think about how Maria and those girls and all of a sudden, I mean Maria's barely dried her eyes from losing her house and now she's like we're going to do a clothing drive, Right. So there's a lot of that in you as well, and I think there's. I think our children have learned a lot from us, and that's resilience, Right. Like the ability to be like OK, this really sucks for me, but it's going to suck for a lot of other people even more. So, like, let's just go do something.

Sean Knierim:

And Alan, you were part of that clothing drive. You saw some of these young women show up.

Allan Marks:

It was amazing to see them. You know they're 16, 18. My daughter's 21, but she, you know they were the teenagers in Pali High in particular were just very. I was impressed that they were in tune with their own feelings of trauma and loss. They weren't denying that. They were channeling it, though, into being of service.

Kate Jerkens:

I'm so hopeful for this generation. Like I, am a huge fan of my child. Like and your kid, I mean, if anyone's going to save us, it's going to be them. They don't. Am I allowed to swear on this Sure? Yeah they don't take shit from anyone honestly as of now we are now a full swearing podcast.

Sean Knierim:

Thank you, Kate Jerkins, for bringing that to our audience.

Kate Jerkens:

You can leave it to me to always drop the first one. I'm here for you. But they don't, and they stick up for what's right and they do the right thing for the most part, and they do stupid stuff too. But I think this generation is going to. I have so many hopes for them. I hope the rest of us can help them and give them that opportunity. You know what I mean. This generation. There's so much hope in this generation, but they also have a lot of fear because what they're seeing around them is not how they want this world to be.

Allan Marks:

So hopefully they can channel that For sure, and of course I mean they're formative the last five, ten years. They're looking at political polarization. They're looking at the existential threats of climate change. They live through COVID and you know the case of the people who have been harmed by extreme weather events, not just the fires in LA. But we look at Asheville, you know North Carolina, we look at Gulf.

Allan Marks:

Coast and, of course, overseas. It's been a very difficult time. I read an interesting piece where it said look, you know, we've had these things happen, we had wars and we had the Spanish flu, and we had things in the 18th century and so on, and they went through this whole list of stuff and recessions, but we've never had them all within a six year period. And that for people who are now in their late teens or early 20s. That's most of what they know and that's that's really, really challenging. So when I see their hope and their real activism, it's really inspiring.

Kate Jerkens:

I totally agree. It's funny you saw the COVID piece, I mean five years ago, like what a different situation we were in. I don't even know that we've all processed it all, but they lived right through it and had to come out on the other side and get back to normal.

Sean Knierim:

Our girls celebrated birthdays by drive-bys, as they sat in their driveways and we waved and threw a present, and then you would spray it down with something.

Kate Jerkens:

Wipe it with Clorox bleach, but we're all still here, we're all still standing and I think in a lot of ways a lot of people are a lot closer, families are a lot closer. Maybe there was a lot of good that came out of all that.

Kate Jerkens:

I think that's true I think about for my own self. Growing up, I mean, I didn't know really any kind of fear until 9-11. And that was in my 20s. 9-11 is like that pivotal moment for me, that sort of changed our lifetime right, because that was the first time on American soil to see something like that and it was just so real and so raw. But it was in my 20s, people were in their 30s and 40s. I think our kids have experienced so much in just such a shorter period.

Allan Marks:

Once I remember I saw to talk about you know in his generation. Where were you when Pearl Harbor happened and they all knew, everyone knew and 9-11 was very similar and they all had one formative thing.

Sean Knierim:

Our kids probably have six.

Kate Jerkens:

Right, yeah, and COVID was just. If you're in California, covid was just this ongoing like rolling.

Allan Marks:

I want to come back to something else you mentioned before, which is community, and because one of the things, of course, is there are a lot of families that didn't receive 750 texts right. There are a lot of people that are unseen or didn't have the same social networks or capacity. What have you? Both in the Palisades and Altadena? It was interesting to me. I was talking to some people at a nonprofit in Hollywood called Big Sunday and they received donations to help people. I mean, nonprofits are really the link that get us governments as well, and I think the city of LA and county of LA, of course, deserve some credit for how they responded. Initially, with some of the service centers that were set up A lot of people told me how well those were run but for a lot of the nonprofits too, as a way for people to channel their gifts.

Sean Knierim:

Yes.

Allan Marks:

And they received donations not just locally. They got donations with trucks from Dallas, texas. They had donations coming in from Washington State, I mean from all over. People were saying we want to help people who have lost their homes or are evacuated and threatened. What have you? And finding then the outreach to the people that again otherwise wouldn't have had the help, I think was a really important part of that community piece.

Kate Jerkens:

I'm so proud of Los Angeles. People love to hate on this city, they love to hate on LA and, yes, all of those trappings are there. But boy, do we show up. Everybody showed up and I was just impressed by everybody. You know businesses and the people. There wasn't a person I was talking to, especially in that first week and weekend that wasn't that weekend out doing something, right, yeah, what of making meals, gathering clothing, whatever it was, and I, who was not affected, like we were completely fine. The amount of people I know in my life that don't live in Los Angeles that reached out saying, kate, what are we supposed to do? And thankfully they did, because most of them were cleaning out their closets and asking where to send their stuff and I was like, okay, that's not helping anymore.

Sean Knierim:

It was an interesting.

Kate Jerkens:

Like don't do that.

Sean Knierim:

As we think about those first couple of weeks, like I remember my, I was looking through straws. I was really focused in on what am I doing with my family. Every time someone asked me what do you need, it hurt and I didn't know how to answer it. Or I tried to answer and it hurt again. So we channeled all of those over to you, to Jackie, to Beth, to Natalie and some other folks that were helping us, and you were looking through the funnel of these offers coming through. Is there anything you remember from that?

Kate Jerkens:

Like what were you seeing? As all those people were coming to you with ideas or questions, just a huge desire to help, people felt very helpless and wanted to do anything and I think it also shows a lot of people don't know what to do. What is help? You were offered so many places to stay and we vetted a few and you know there's so many. That's for a different time. But like people wanted to give you stuff and I brought you guys stuff and I also said if you don't want this, bring it back. And I appreciate that you guys did Right, like there was just people were just giving and giving and it felt like for you it was like you couldn't keep up with all of it.

Kate Jerkens:

You know it was. It was an overwhelm of generosity and your friends and family and felt like people you hadn't heard from in a minute were like no, I'm here now. What are we going to do? Right, it was just. It was everybody came out of the woodwork and you saw that on a GoFundMe level or whatever, you could see just the mass of people coming out to want to help.

Sean Knierim:

You became a conduit to help direct the things that we couldn't use to others, and that was a neat opportunity. It's like there were a few points where you, like I know that person got impacted and whatever came then got distributed out to everyone else in the community.

Kate Jerkens:

And you had, you know, even the links we found to help find housing that I had on, you know, my kids' soccer teams. They had people looking for housing so I'd been put in touch with links and then I could send them around. And you guys had a really good experience with the Airbnb piece, right, and so I was able to tell people, no, it is working, like be peace, right. And so I was able to tell people, no, it is working, like be patient, do it, try it again, you know. So there was a lot of learning coming from that and selfishly, I really I just I said it to you guys the night we all gathered, but you guys allowing us to come like it helped me. Think that's a piece that you have to understand is there was no burden. It didn't. Nothing felt burdensome. In fact, it was helpful.

Sean Knierim:

You're welcome for my mail still being delivered to your house. As a matter of fact, kate brought an entire bag of mail. Despite my best efforts, everyone still thinks I live.

Kate Jerkens:

It makes us feel popular that we get so much mail.

Allan Marks:

But let's talk about Three Months Long for a second, because we've talked about the immediate aftermath and we've talked about the community outpouring One of the things that happens and I've talked to friends who are from Hawaii. My I've talked to friends who are from Hawaii. My sister actually lived on Maui for seven years not during the Lahaina fires but longer ago but still has friends there and people six months a year after a disaster, there are still people displaced. There are still people that can't go back to a home. There's renters that won't have a place that they can go back to because that's not going to be rebuilt and they don't have the rights to do that. So they're looking for housing in an already expensive, tight housing market. You know GoFundMes are needed and they're strong for a very short window and then they sort of taper off. How do you maintain the caring in ways that are constructive longer term?

Kate Jerkens:

To be honest with you, I've been thinking about this a lot and don't feel like I'm particularly good at the three month out right, because I feel like I live very much in the now, right now. I think it's just consistently the check in, you know.

Kate Jerkens:

I feel with you, Sean, like I feel like we kind of had a wrap up when you invited all of us over to your house, but I don't. I've checked in with you here and there because I don't want you to feel like you've been in band. You know you guys have been abandoned and your story is not over Right. Like there's still going to be a search for somewhere to live in the relative near future.

Sean Knierim:

We just found out today that we're looking for another place on August 1st. We've been blessed with a place for six months, which we got to share with a number of families that really showed up and helped. Both of you were there to celebrate with us, and it continues. It gets quiet after a while.

Kate Jerkens:

Yeah, and that's something I worry about. We were just talking about a dear friend who's just had a big emergency and it's like, okay, how do we gather around them but ensure that they feel supported for longer than just that initial push? I have another friend who's going through cancer right now and I delivered food two weeks ago. But I have to remember like that, that wasn't, that's not, that's not it, and I think there's that. We're a very short term, short sighted society too. As great as we are as community, we can all show up. We're not meant to stick to anything for too long. So we've got to figure that out, I think, myself included.

Sean Knierim:

I've got a question for you, and this might be just as hard as what is resilience. So, kate, you and your family are extraordinary at supporting others. You are so good at being there for others. You've your kid shows up for my daughter all the time. How are you at accepting help yourself, like I sucked at it and you helped me learn how to do it, and a lot of times you told me Sean, shut up, just let me help.

Sean Knierim:

There was a lot of but for you, there is for many years, but for you, kate, what have you learned about yourself, about accepting help?

Kate Jerkens:

I think in times of need, I'm okay with it. Um, I don't know that I'm always clear about it. I'll be. I mean, I've I've had several instances in the last.

Kate Jerkens:

I lost both my parents in the last six years and in the moments of them, supporting them while they were sick or in those moments where they were dying, accepting any help or having anyone around was not helpful, and I think people understood that. It's the days after where I think, to be honest, it's not even about like anyone asking me if I wanted help. It was just food showed up and things showed up and my best friend showed up with all my favorite foods and stuff. So I'm good with that. But I will say to your point, it's always the time a few weeks after it's kind of like the week after your wedding where you're like all these things, where once kind of after a funeral leading up to a funeral, I think people feel really full of life and like I can figure this out and so everyone loved him or her so much. And it's the days following that everyone kind of goes back to their normal lives and you're still stuck in the reality. That part's really hard.

Sean Knierim:

I was writing about this on a long flight home last night, about the friends that are showing up now that I would not have expected. Not that I wouldn't think they were kind or generous, but they're not the people that I would have guessed. That would keep showing up in addition to the ones that I would have thought, and it's interesting.

Allan Marks:

Some of that may be because we tend to confuse strength of relationship with strength of character.

Sean Knierim:

We talked about this on another episode. Some people have gone through these and recognize that three, four months on is exactly the time to reach out and offer some strength.

Kate Jerkens:

I don't think you know before having had these losses, I don't know that I was great to. You know I don't have any best best best friends that have lost their parents in the last few years. But I would say, with having any types of loss, I don't know that I was great at it, but now I feel like I get it and I like to offer help when it comes to very specific stuff, especially my mom who had a long Alzheimer's journey. Like now, I want to give what I didn't have.

Sean Knierim:

I didn't have it only because no one, no one else around me had dealt with it before. I feel like now, if someone goes through a hard time in my life, I almost want to set a three-month reminder of I agree with write them, reach out to them, send them a text just to, because you forget it's not over because our lives have a way of keeping. They keep flowing.

Kate Jerkens:

Yeah and yeah, and I think it's important with our kids. It's like I've noticed that with my kids, especially my middle guy. It was a few months after my mom and my dad, like where he kind of was like he had some moments of maybe acting out or acting a little differently, and when you got down to the core of it he was just still missing them and we'd kind of stopped talking about it.

Allan Marks:

Right, you know Right, right.

Kate Jerkens:

That makes sense, and some of the stuff just needs to keep coming up to the surface Right, and I think that I think that's where we're at with these fires and it's like such a like having this conversation right now. I want to go out and send a few text messages and call a few folks.

Sean Knierim:

Well, I'd encourage anyone listening to this. A text is going to make a big difference.

Kate Jerkens:

Text that says you don't need to respond. I think that's the other piece. Like I'm just checking in, just know that I love you. Or you know a friend of ours whose husband's in the hospital right now. Like I expect no response, I just send her voice messages and stuff that says I love you and I get a heart back. I know it's heard, but I don't need a response. It's just like you want people to know, just letting people know that you're there. You know yeah.

Sean Knierim:

So, kate, you have a family, our board membering, our leaders in your community and everything you guys touch and you're helping now the rest of us that needed your help and you've got a big job that you also have to show up for. Can you talk about these different layers of who you are? How are you able to kind of push forward professionally while you're spending so many calories, you know, raising your kids and your dog?

Kate Jerkens:

I don't have enough calories to be honest with you, this is just one of that's enough. That's almost harder than resilience.

Kate Jerkens:

For me it's, it's just doing, crescendoing towards harder and harder questions um, I think, first of all, I work from home, so my office is in my home. That changed my whole life when I started working from home in 2015, so it's been nearly 10 years. That changed a lot for me. I am a really chatty person. I'm an extrovert by nature. So, being the office I worked in hospitality for over 15 years and being in my office and being with my team there like I, those were long days, mostly because I made them long, you know. I mean, the expectation in hospitality was to be on property at least 10 hours, but you're always there longer. You're entertaining, you were telling jokes, you were taking care of guests and all that kind of stuff.

Kate Jerkens:

I feel like my work is very efficient when I work from home and I feel like the key to success and my CEO, who I we always joke about, who has the better husband, but like but not in a mean way, more of like no, today it's Alan. No, today it's Keith. Like we always have these conversations. We have the best partners. There is no way to do what I do without my husband. There's just there's no way. And Fawn, my CEO has been I will miss quote her but it is like some of your most successful, but it is like some of your most successful, some of those successful people have to do with the partners that they chose in their lives, and I do believe that that is wholeheartedly a big part of why I am where I am today and why I can do. What I can do is I have a partner that is in it.

Allan Marks:

Yeah, I like that. I mean there's zero chance I could have had my career if it weren't for my wife. I mean she just, and how long have you guys been married, Alan?

Kate Jerkens:

A, A long time, 28 years, 28 years, yeah, it makes a difference. There has to be somebody that can pick it, that can pick up the pieces, you know, and for we launched so the chief business officer for Uncle Neera's Premium Whiskey. We launched in 2017, but we started working on it in 2016. I'd say the first two years I traveled hundreds of thousands of miles. I was, I was on the road nearly every week and we had a one year old at the time, and that would have been impossible without Alan being willing to do it and having you know, at that time I also still had my parents who could come and help, and so there was a lot of that's a big life's gotten more complicated since we lost some of that family help for us, and that's we've had to lean in on each other more.

Kate Jerkens:

But then, you know, as that happens, your oldest gets older and drives now Right. So now Reese is where I maybe didn't. She's. She's a big part of support for us as well right now, and I don't want to talk about her leaving us in a year and a half, because it will. Not only will we just miss her immensely, but it's a dynamic in our you know, in our house that we'll miss so much.

Allan Marks:

So good for her though.

Kate Jerkens:

She'll miss you too, but still yeah you too, but still, yeah, she'll barely miss and I want her to go far and like go live her life.

Allan Marks:

Yeah, there's something to be said for that independence discovery.

Kate Jerkens:

Yeah, and I know she'll take no prisoners, so I'm not worried about her.

Sean Knierim:

So the other night I'm sitting at dinner I came home late after a work event Into the kitchen, walks your daughter and just sits down and starts talking to me as though she's an adult, asking she is an adult, right? She's taller than I am, so she's more adult than I am in terms of height. And she just starts asking me questions and how am I doing? And she asked about the tattoo. She wanted to see it. And then she starts asking about all this stuff and it's extraordinary.

Sean Knierim:

So, as you talk about the hope, seeing these kids like the way that you've raised your daughter and that you've helped raise ours really helps me with some of that hope. We talked a lot about kind of this near-end community and our individual selves. But, kate, as you think about what we've learned from the fires, what we learned from COVID, what we're seeing around the world, how is resilience like? What do we need to do as a wider community, not just the people we know or that we're directly connected to, but the rest of Los Angeles? You talked about being proud of this area, anything we learned in the last few months that we might want to hold on to in the coming years.

Kate Jerkens:

Truly just like pure kindness and a smile and a hello, and how are you? And talking to people. I felt like when the fires were happening it was sort of this like open mic night everywhere we went, where you could be in line at the grocery store and just have a conversation with somebody, or the checker. You had something to talk about. Then I find some of that goes away and I catch myself like I'm listening to a podcast while I'm shopping at Whole Foods and I haven't talked to the checker what I like. But you know, during the fires or when things are happening, you're like, how are you doing?

Allan Marks:

Has it been crazy here? Are you? You know like there was others, Are you?

Kate Jerkens:

evacuated, you know, and I think we just all have to just continue to wrap each other around with kindness and patience. It's so hard right now because this country and even the community are so divided politically and with all these things, and it feels like everyone's trying to rile us up all the time. Keep unrialed and just like practice, like literal, everyday kindness, like less honking of your horn, you know like why are you in so much of a hurry?

Allan Marks:

Well, it's not just that, it's also the goodwill of assuming the other person you know benefit of the doubt is doing the best they can, as opposed to the cynicism of assuming that they're not.

Kate Jerkens:

Like what if that person is just like having a bad day? Or what if they just lost their parent and their driving and maybe they shouldn't be, but they aren't paying attention or you know, so they didn't hit, they didn't hit the gas quick enough on the green light. Like why are we in so much of a hurry? You know, maybe that give them a minute.

Sean Knierim:

And Alan, that that point you made, I think, is really powerful. If we can assume that the other people are doing their best, no matter whether it's the absolute best they can do, the best they can do right now, then that kind of opens the door for curiosity.

Allan Marks:

It does, and I'll also point out I mean I don't actually think I'm very good at that. I think I wish I were.

Sean Knierim:

When are you better, when are you better at that? Or do you think during the week there are times that you are better or worse at assuming the best in others?

Allan Marks:

It kind of depends on how I'm reacting to what I feel are stressors, demands, professional or otherwise. If I feel like I'm doing a good job, being responsive, then I'm probably a lot likely to be more tolerant of others, and if I'm not happy with myself and my perceived shortcomings of responsiveness, then that's probably the times that I'm less patient with others.

Sean Knierim:

Oh, my gosh, my inbox right now after the fires. I really resonate with what you're saying.

Allan Marks:

Yeah, because, remember, you wanted to respond to everybody right away and you couldn't.

Sean Knierim:

Yeah.

Allan Marks:

It just just not time and that does impact, then that does raise the cortisol. It, you know, it makes that that. You know, if we that emotional quotient harder, it just makes it harder to balance ourselves and then be able to be available to balance others.

Sean Knierim:

And then how long are you able to give yourself grace, or accept grace or give it to others Like is it three months after the fires, is it six months, is it 36 days?

Allan Marks:

Well, that's the difference between something which is temporary and something which is transformative.

Sean Knierim:

And I actually do.

Allan Marks:

Well. I do think, actually, if you look at, if you look at collective, communal responses to a natural disaster that can have there's always the finger pointing, of course, the blame of you know this that Somebody should have done better. Usually it's the government. People like to do that because it's sort of removed from them. I would say it's interesting.

Allan Marks:

There was an ecologist that I heard speaking at UCLA who made a very good point. He said it is true that climate change contributed to this right and extreme weather events and you know their severity. They're somewhat unpredictable when they're going to happen, but when they do, they're going to be worse and there'll be more of them. You know, we can see that and we can look at the strength of these winds, we can look at this dryness of the soil, the fact that this fire occurred during what is not usually the typical fire season, no-transcript, a human desire. People want to go back to the way it was. By the same token, if you're designing things systemically and you're looking at, you know this is a naturally fire prone region for millennia. But if you look at, adding on to that land use choices and climate effects, building back the way it exactly was would be a mistake. So then there's equity justice, property planning issues, all of which come into play.

Sean Knierim:

With humans involved, like it's not a separation between that human personal piece and the systemic design that you're talking about.

Allan Marks:

And to bring it back. That's where this idea of there being maybe a longer runway for a community to realize we're all in this together and to have sympathy and empathy for the people who have lost their businesses and lost their property, lost their homes, lost the memories that go with that, but then to do it in a way where this doesn't keep recurring, because we don't want, every five years or every two years or every ten years, for more families to go through the same thing. And there are other parts of Southern California, not just Altadena and Pasadena, or the Woolsey Fire area from six years ago, what have you. There are other areas that are going to be prone to this, and so what can we do now to prevent things like that? Given the nature of the built environment, that's really interesting and, I think, good opportunity for people to collaborate on communal solutions, because we are all in this together.

Kate Jerkens:

It's going to just take time, and I think that's something that a lot of us don't have is the patience for it. You can't just go and rebuild and redo where we were at, I mean visually. When I think about the fires, I think about people trying to get out of that community, and that's just the scariest thing People with busloads of kids and things like that. So it's like there's so much that needs to be figured out before that community is complete.

Allan Marks:

So you mentioned a minute ago cars, burnt out cars and one of the reasons images of after fires like this are so poignant is the ones that have the burnt out cars seem to attract a disproportionate amount of attention Because they beg these questions Well, what happened to the people whose car that was? Well, where are they? Did they get out? Why is that car there and why is it burnt out?

Kate Jerkens:

It's all powerful right, though, too, there's something about them it's like, yeah, they're also an extension of our personality. They are right, an abandoned car an abandoned one like there's a huge story behind it.

Sean Knierim:

It's always middle of sunset and what I find in some of the stories I tell to people that want to hear what it was like in the palisades. There's this one story of a young woman that maria's a soccer team with that we're at. I'm actually hoping we'll get a chance to talk to her on the podcast. She went back to her house by herself an 18 year old young woman to save her bunny to pack her go bag and she took a left on Sunset instead of a right to go down to Mescal and she had to leave her car on the side of the street. When Maria and I drove back to our house Maria goes, that's her car, so she pointed it out. It was still on the side.

Sean Knierim:

She had to get out of her car four miles away from where she thought her mom was and I think this is the story and ran down as the fires were coming directly towards that part of sunset and she was going by people who were getting out of their nice cars that were in a nice home, right. She was getting by the people who were pushing their elderly uncle in a wheelchair. There were nannies and there were gardeners and there were people who owned the houses this mass of humanity going down the hill as fire was coming after them, and each one of them have a really neat story. So that would be.

Allan Marks:

That would actually be kind of a neat story.

Kate Jerkens:

I would talk to the teachers. I can't get over the elementary schools. I can't get over those. And there's stories about I think it was Marquez that that day the principal and assistant principal had been asked to be at a meeting that wasn't on campus, so they weren't there and children on all those campuses saw more than you could imagine from what I understand, and a lot of people on those campuses had to make decisions about people's children very quickly, and almost everything that I've heard from all of these various elementary schools the way the teachers reacted, the way other people like parents reacted I mean there's nothing scarier than having to get little kids we're talking these are kindergartners four year olds, five year olds, up to you know, 11 year olds, panicking brothers and sisters trying to find each other and getting them out of the Palisades safely, like giving parents enough time to get there and then finally saying nope, this isn't working anymore, we're putting them in buses or we're walking them out.

Sean Knierim:

You guys keep tracking where we're going Marquez, St Matthews were right on that Bienvenida strip where the fire came directly down the hill.

Kate Jerkens:

I mean just, it's an actual miracle that all those teachers kept all those kids so safe and got them back to their parents and there's no stories of not like that and now those teachers are figuring out how to teach those kids in different environments.

Sean Knierim:

Yeah, and they're really doing an extraordinary job in my assessment, I agree.

Allan Marks:

So, kate, what makes you most optimistic and hopeful now?

Kate Jerkens:

I think back to our kids For me also, just some of the people I surround myself with, my friends and even my coworkers. I just feel really uplifted from them and a lot of found family that I have now. You know it's a weird thing. I'm 45. I'm not young and I'm not old. I'm right in the middle to not have my parents any longer. Those are people that I would call to brag about my kids or to ask advice from, and so I've had to really Find those people for myself, and I have, and I think the people I've surrounded by myself with they make me optimistic and I feel very fulfilled by those relationships and it's every day. It's with the people I work with, it's with my kids. It's with people like Sean and his family and I love my kids' friends too, you know like in their families.

Sean Knierim:

If you're looking at the broad, broad picture and looking at things I know this is not a political podcast, but you know it's not easy to, so it's really about the people you're surrounding yourself with on a daily basis and try not to be, you know, too close with or taking up too much in from the doomsdayers, because that's just not helpful right now.

Kate Jerkens:

I don't know if you saw this, but as you were talking especially about your parents, like tear just started coming down my own ears yeah, your tears can come from wherever you live.

Sean Knierim:

They come from lots of. They're squeaking out all over. I hear your pain, so we gave the opportunity for that. Kate, I'm optimistic because I get to be in a world where you are raising kids like what you have. Thank you for being here with us on this podcast.

Kate Jerkens:

Yeah, amen, I'm going to go call my friends now.

Allan Marks:

Check on your friends guys. Kate, thank you so much. Thank you Really appreciate it, so fun.

Sean Knierim:

This has been another episode of Shared Ground, a podcast about resilience and community.

Allan Marks:

Follow us on your favorite platform or learn more at sharedgroundcom.

Sean Knierim:

That's shared-groundcom.