S2: Episode 9 - Why Therapy Works: "Is It Worth It?"

Stormy and Kodi discuss the value of therapy. (suggested song: "Work It" - Missy Elliott) 

Your goodie for the day. Thank you for listening. :) 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to the Goody Shop for Your Mental Health. My name is Cody. My name is Dormy. And we are glad that you're with us today. So today we are going to talk about therapy. And not only are we going to talk about therapy, but we're going to talk about is it worth it? What are the misconceptions of therapy? And is it something that will be beneficial for you? So let's chop it up, Stormy. Hey girls.

SPEAKER_00 0:32

Yeah. Just kind of diving right into our topic. I mean, it's it's one of those things where it's so broad of a term that sometimes that in and of itself can scare people away and they think therapy and they think, ooh, I something must be wrong with me, or I can't my own, or I'm weak, or I shouldn't need to ask for help. Or um, you know, I I even have current clients that have said uh, you know, not verbatim, but something to the effect of like, I mean no disrespect, but I don't really believe in therapy. I was just like, okay, well, you know what, that's good to know. However, right, the whole point, you know, of therapy is that you do the work, you know, and we'll talk a little bit more about that throughout this podcast, but just in general, therapy is about the client and it's about the therapist relationship, but it's it's not we don't have a magic wand. We're not gonna fix everything, we're not, you know, gonna take everything, take all your stressors away. It's more about you doing the work and us helping you along the way, giving you some guidance and some encouragement, but we're not pushing you in that regard, right? Not doing more work than you are, I guess I should say.

SPEAKER_01 2:01

Yeah, it's it's more of a I look, I see the therapist is walking alongside rather than individual, you know, and helping them to just see things in a different light. Right. And I think when it comes to the misconceptions of therapy, and I like what you said, just thinking about like, is something wrong with me? You know, like, you know, or the word like shrink oh, oh, you feel like I need a shrink, you know, it's like, no, that's it's like, no, we're not, you know, it's not a, it's not a bad, it's almost like it's a bad word almost. You know, it's like, oh, I shouldn't do that. And, you know, if you need that, then something's wrong with you. No, it's not. To me, honestly, Stormy, I feel like everyone should have a therapist. And that's just my opinion. I don't care if you're dealing with mental health substance shoes or not, just having somebody outside of your bubble, outside of your, you know, your your sphere of influence that could be a neutral, you know, just a neutral individual to look at things in a different perspective. And, you know, listening to where you're coming from. It's not, it's not a bad word. It's something that actually it's really healthy for us because we should talk to someone, if you really think about it. And we talked about this in our previous episodes, is that we we're interdependent. We are relying, we are dependent on each other. You know, we get strength and support and you know, that extra umph when we have that connection with someone else. And when I think about therapy, it's like you're having that alliance with another individual that will not, like you said, not doing the hard work, but helping you and just walking alongside you and helping you to see things and process and you know, just look at things in a different light. And I think that's the biggest thing that I think about when when you think about therapy. But yeah, it just gets a bad rap.

SPEAKER_00 4:07

It really, really does. Well, it's just it's just you give people a space, a space to be validated and what they're thinking, you know, like because I think that's one of the biggest things that creates mental health in a way, is not feeling like you're allowed to have those feelings or b express those feelings. Right. You know, if you're in a culture or a family or just an environment in and of itself that doesn't, you know, promote that, doesn't empower you to your emotional self, then we learn to stuff things. We learn, you know, think that we just need to deal with it on our own. And yes, well, it then all of a sudden we're, you know, having all these different behaviors and physical symptoms. We're like, what's going on? I can't really figure it out. It's all connected. If we don't take care of our mind and our body in that evolution, then we're gonna start seeing it in the behaviors. We're gonna start seeing it in our relationships with each other. Something's off. Sometimes we don't even, you know, can't even pinpoint it. But then it's like a reminder, you know, that this is something that we've talked about too in previous sessions, that it is all connected, you know, what you think, what you feel, who you shroud and folk with, how are you if you're physical, if you're, you know, uh able to process things emotionally, if you're taking care of yourself, you know, spiritually, like all of those things matter. And that's really what we mean when we talk about mental health. It's not, oh, what problem do I have to do that I need to get fixed? Right. How do I maintain and regulate myself so that I can live my best life, you know, so that I can manage the day-to-day stressors and the non-stressors and everything in between where I'm okay. That's, I mean, that's the basic point of it too, is knowing that I'm okay, I'm allowed to have these awful feelings. Just again, we don't want to get stuck there, and then having that space, that unbiased space to speak freely. Because it can be those moments where you think about something and you let it build, and then you say it out loud with somebody, and it's like, oh my gosh, I have been struggling with this X amount, uh, X amount of weeks or days or months. And it's like, I just said that out loud, and now I can see how utterly ridiculous that is. Or whatever it is, it's like again, just that simple space can sometimes make things so much clearer on our own terms. The therapist isn't doing anything, but just allowing them a space to talk. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 6:55

I like to call it a brave space, you know, brave space of being able just like you said, just to express. And if you and what you describe, Stormy, is so important because everything is so interconnected. Because if we can't talk about it, it's gonna come out in another way. It's gonna come out whether it's drinking or doing something else, things that may not be as beneficial for us, not only just physically, but mentally. So, yeah, you're absolutely right. And it's like, that's why I'm like, therapy is one of those, I see it as a as an additional tool for a person's tool belt to be able to help them to be, like you said, living their best life, whatever that looks like. And I just, I'm telling you, me, myself, I like I go to therapy and I love it. I really do. And I will, I will, I will like shout it to the rooftops, like how beneficial it has been for me. Especially when you're going through ups and downs. It's one of those things is that you have somebody who, like I said, is listening, you know, not there to judge you. It's very non-judgmental. They're not there to tell you. And if you do, if you happen to experience, if you have, if you let me say like this, if you've been to therapy and you felt judged, I am so sorry that you had to experience that. Because honestly, that is not what therapy is about. You should never feel judged or anything of that of anything of that sort if you ever experience therapy. So I'm sorry for those that are listening, if you've experienced that, I am so sorry that you had to experience that because that is not, that is not how it works. So I decided to put that, that's my little disclaimer out there. But but yeah, therapy is one of those, it's just a tool. I see it as a tool. And even for those that, you know, maybe are spiritual, you know, that has, you know, whether they're, you know, God or whatever else, like I always tell myself, and I tell stormy this all the time, it's like, it's okay to have Jesus in a therapist, you know, or whatever is the truth. It's okay because, like I said, it's needed. That's why we have therapists, that's why we have doctors, that's why we have all of these, you know, these different types of, you know, just people that are out here to help, to support, whether it's the physical body, the mental, the spiritual, whatever it is. So that's we want to use all of the resources that we have, right? We want to make sure that, like I said, whatever we need to use in order for us to enjoy life, be successful, whatever that looks like. It could be just anything. Just don't limit yourself. I think that's the biggest thing that we want you guys to recognize is that don't limit yourself. You know, find those things that you need in order to help you, like Stormy was saying, you know, to regulate, help process, you know, because mental health is not just about what's wrong with me, but it's like, hey, you know, when you think about therapy, it helps, it's an opportunity for us to even rewire our brain. Honestly, if you think about, you know, the ways I was thinking before, and maybe, you know, as I'm processing with or talking with my therapist about it, they might say, Hey, have you thought about XYZ? And you're like, you know what? You have that aha moment. It's like, you know what, I never thought about that. And it's an opportunity for you to relearn, to unlearn, or whatever the case may be for you. But it's it's just another tool that we feel, Stormy and I feel that will be very beneficial to anybody who wants to experience it.

SPEAKER_00 10:38

Yeah. Well, and and I think when you think about therapy too, sometimes what shies people away from it is not knowing where to start, like not even what to do. And it goes beyond knowing your resources and know it it's about taking the time to really find that good fit because as Cody was saying, you know, if you've experienced some not so good, you know, relationships with people or whatever you want to call it, therapy sessions, then not every therapist is the right therapist for you. You know, right. You have to go in there knowing that I'm just gonna see how this goes. And if it takes me one time and I know, that's fine. If it takes me three times, that's fine too. Like be open in that regard as well, because people want in person, some people want online, some people want every week like clockwork, some people want once a month, you know, it's it's all about what works for you and what it takes time. And don't let that part of it scare you away from trying because we get so caught up in, oh, that didn't work for me. Oh no, that therapist wasn't right for me. Oh no. And it's so easy to just be like, write it off to shut down. You shut down, and you're just like, well, I'm not never experiencing this again. And it's like gotta give it some time, you know, you have to explore your options, feel people, feel people out. You know, there's nothing wrong with you know, making three appointments with three different people in a month's time and just seeing what the differences is and seeing what style you like and asking them questions almost like a job interview, you know. Afraid to ask them questions as well. Learn about their style, you know, because I'm people are still different in person than on paper. I'm just we can we can look really, really great on paper and not so good in person. Right. And then vice versa. Sometimes when we read about somebody, we're like, eh, but nothing really stood out to me. But then we meet them and we're like, oh my gosh, yo. Don't don't let those things, you know, hinder you either. Like, really do some research and just allow yourself time to get to know yourself and the therapist as much as that's allowed, you know. Um, no, they're not there to be your best friend, but you want to build a rapport with them. You do want to feel safe, then connection, that connection. That connection and and again give it some time. And you're the driver, you are the driver of the therapy in the therapy session. So remember that too. Like if you don't like the way it's going or just something doesn't feel right, say it, voice it. We're not gonna get offended, and if we do, then it just cinches that you're that's not the right relationship, right? And so don't be afraid to call us out because we're not gonna be afraid of calling you out either. You know what I'm talking about in a respectful, yeah. But you know, it's a two-way street, it's it's a two-way street. You know, I will be transparent with you, but you better be transparent with me as well. Right. That's how therapy is gonna work, is if you give trust in that and and you remind yourself that it's about you at the end of the day, it's not about the therapist, it's about you.

SPEAKER_01 14:17

That's right. I like to compare to finding a pair of shoes, finding the right, the right fit, the right color, the right texture, all the how does it feel? I mean, that's literally how I viewed it, and that's just me personally, because it is you want the right fit. And I, yes, I had to go through probably several, I think probably two or three when I until I found the one that was like, yep, this is the connection I yeah, and she'll call me out or whatever. I'm open, honest, you know, it's one of those things. So, yeah, so think about think about it in that way too, you know. Like you said, I like what you said about experience, like it's a job interview. Like, are you here to help me? Like, are you the best fit for me? And that is so true. We need it, we do. I just like I said, I just see it as another and an additional tool for us to just be able to grow. Yeah, to be honest, just to grow in, and I like what you said, like where do I start? You know, just you know, ask yourself, do I feel like therapy would be beneficial for me? Yes or no? And then from there, you know, then you know, we got Google, we got all kinds of things out there, you know, psychology today, you know, look up in your area, you know, who what are you know, what are the different therapists that are out there? What did they what did they cover? Because I'm gonna be honest with you, Stormy. All of us on this earth, I don't care where you are, where you're from, we have all experienced some type of challenge when it comes to us, you know, emotionally, mentally, whatever, trauma. We've all experienced it in some way, shape, or form. But just being able to, like I said, just having that space, that space, that safe space, that brave space to be able to get it out. I mean, that's I mean, it's it's really that simple. It really is.

SPEAKER_00 16:16

Yeah. And and I've had and I've had people, you know, throughout the that some weeks, like several weeks in a row, it'll be like they'll be like, you know, I don't really have a whole lot to talk about this week. Yeah, great, let's talk about what's going great. Like we're not here just to talk about the challenges, we want to focus on the positives just as much. Yeah, because that's really important too. And it's helping people see that yes, we're still validating the challenges, but we also want to be mindful that there's all these other things, all these other areas in our life that are really positive and are certain. Because when we lose sight of that, then that just our stressor is even more impactful in our mental state. You know, we can find that balance, so to speak, you know, that's kind of where we want to be, you know, where I mean, yes, this is a challenge, but hey, let me be mindful of this, you know. Let me find myself that I have this too. It's not all bad, it's not all good, and that's okay. Someday it's gonna be bad bad. I was gonna say badder, but that's not really hey, listen, we can make our own worse. Some days harder, yeah, some ways are gonna be harder than others, and others you're gonna be like, man, I don't really feel like I need therapy. That's when you should still go because we still celebrate those wins. We won't celebrate that things are going so well. Well, tell me about that. Like, what do you think worked for you in that aspect? Like, what what relationship is really is going really strong? What do you what are you doing this week to keep it strong and maintain that strength and that relationship? Because you must be actually doing something. So let's talk about it. Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 18:04

I and it's so funny as you were saying that I was thinking about because sometimes we feel like we should have everything together before we go to the therapist. You and it's like, no, that's another misconception. Like, no, that's that's the more reason you know you need to go if if you feel like everything's perfect, that's fine. Like you said, talk about your wins, talk celebrate those times. But but we're uh therapy is not about you being perfect. I need to say it like that. It's about us being perfectly imperfect. Yes, it is. We we all go through, even therapists go through, you know, even therapists have therapists. I mean, because you know, everybody's trying to process and trying to, you know, like I said, be their best self. I mean, that's that's what it's about. Um don't feel like you have to be perfect even prior to you going, no. If you have things you want to talk about, talk about it. If you have some things that you want to celebrate, take it, take it to therapy, share. You know, that's so we the therapist can celebrate with you too. You know, it's a time of celebration, but like I said, it's just a time of just I I just look at it as an investment. I really do, Storby. It's like it's like you're worth the investment. So I'm gonna do this because I feel like I'm worth it.

unknown 19:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:31

I mean, that's how I look at it. So but everybody has their way of looking at it too.

SPEAKER_00 19:36

Well, but it goes back to like it works if you work it, you know, like you're worthy of it if you feel like you are, if you if if you take the time to understand what therapy really is, then it's like of course you're worth it. You know, do you does that mean that you have to go every day for the rest of your life? No, no, go for six months and then take a pause, absolutely what works for you. So there's no written rule of okay, if you stop going weekly, then you're gonna just you need to stop going. Because it's also like I like I said earlier, it's also about maintenance. So when things are great, that's great, but you still keep going. You can you can kind of limit it, you know. Like again, I have some people that I've been seeing for two years now, and now they're down once a month, you know, they're still coming. I'm excited every month. Every, you know, they they schedule on that last time they schedule for the the next month, and it's like clockwork. And so just having that peace of mind, like, no, I don't have to go every week and have something going on to talk about, but I can kind of ramp up and just have that sense of, hey, here's everything that's been going on. It's nice to catch up with you, you know. Type of it's it's on near terms, like yeah, I I my therapy style is I'm never gonna force you, I can't, anyways, but you know, I'm not gonna force and implement, okay, you have to come every week because I also understand that you have a life as well, and that things come up, and so I want to make that space be as undaunting as you seem, you know, like it's there for you. So yes, please come and utilize it, however, right be like mad at you, or you're not gonna get a consequence if you you know can't come every week. Right.

unknown 21:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:45

That's kind of the again, at least for me, you know, my expectation is just just let me know. Just let me know what's going on, what works for you, and and we go from there, you know. I love that.

SPEAKER_01 21:58

I love that. Yeah, because once Goes back to what you were saying, Stormy. Like we're the driver. Whatever is best for you. If it's every three months, it's a once a month. If it's weekly, if it's if it's bi-weekly, I mean, whatever works for you, do it. Yeah. You know, and like I said, you're adjusting too. Maybe every week, you know, maybe too much in the beginning. But then, you know, you go to once a month, but then you go back and say, you know what? Maybe I do want it, you know, once a week. Hey, you adjust however you need. I think that's the beautiful part I really appreciate about therapy too. It's not, there's not a one size, excuse me, there's not a one size fit all. You know, it doesn't fit everybody. Everybody knows what, you know, even when you don't know what you need, as you go through the process, as you go through it, it's like then you begin to adjust and say, okay, well, maybe I do need more of that, and maybe not this and whatnot. But it's it's beautiful because you adjust it how you see fit.

SPEAKER_00 23:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:03

And I think that's the biggest thing about that's why I feel like therapy gets kind of like a bad rap because it's like, oh, it's, you know, your own movies and all that stuff, like, oh, sometimes it's portrayed in a good way, not so good, you know, and so it kind of gets this bad rap. So it's like not something to be afraid of, you know, it's nothing to be fearful of, but it's something that could be beneficial for you. If you, like Stormy said, if you worked it.

SPEAKER_00 23:31

That's the biggest. How about just communicate with? I mean, that's the other piece of it too. Just communicate your therapist. What do you need, what you want, what you want to get out of it. And if you don't know, that's okay. But at least have some idea enough to be respectful of the therapist's time, and we'll we will be respectful of yours. You know what I mean? It it definitely that two-way street, you know, like let let the therapist know what you're wanting from that because we can't read your mind, you know. And the thing about it is, you know, what we can't fix everything for you, but we sure will help, you know, help guide you along the way. And it yeah, it's a powerful thing if you're willing to to do it. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 24:23

I agree. I hope you all hopefully this was beneficial for you guys, just kind of us talking about therapy and how we feel like it works and the misconceptions of it. And but you know, like Stormy said, it's just about what you feel is best for you. So, like I said, we're not here to tell you what to do, but hey, just know that this is an additional tool that you can add to your tool belt if you would like to.

unknown 24:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:52

So we appreciate you guys so much. Thank you for listening in, and we will see you all soon.