S3: Episode 3 - Vulnerability: "Trust vs. Fear"

Stormy and Kodi discuss how being vulnerable can be a blessing or a curse. (suggested song: "Superpowers" - Muni Long) 

Your goodie for the day. Thank you for listening. :) 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the goodie shop for your mental health. My name is Cody. My name is Stormy. And we are excited that you're with us today. So, Stormy, oh my goodness. I know it's been like what almost a month since we since we have recorded our last podcast. So for you guys out there, we apologize. You know, life was life, and so we had to handle some things. As you all can understand. So, Stormy, I'm so glad to be with you again.

SPEAKER_00 0:33

Yes. Yes, it has been a wild couple of weeks. But yes, as Taby said, we are back and ready to talk about vulnerability today and just kind of see where the talk gets us.

SPEAKER_01 0:51

Absolutely. Yes, girl. I mean, vulnerability, that's about fooling itself. So before we get started, how have you been? How have you been?

SPEAKER_00 1:03

You know, it's doing kind of going back to just the one day at a time type of a thing. So we're we're in a good place right now, and hopefully things can, you know, continue to move on an upward scale. But you know, it's gonna be back and forth, up and down, just like life does. So right now it's a moment of peace. So we'll see how long that moment lasts.

SPEAKER_01 1:29

Yes, and we will hold on to that moment of peace. Yes, ma'am. I'm telling you the highs and the lows, the ups and downs, the trials and the triumphs. Yeah, that's called life. So, but yeah, so if you're listening out there, we are gonna talk about vulnerability and really just talk about, you know, not only vulnerability, what it means in our lives, but also like how do we look at vulnerability? For some of us, we look at it as it being a blessing, right? But then also, too, depending on how it's being utilized, could it become a curse? So we're just gonna dive in, just just have a discussion. And yeah, Stormy. So what are your thoughts? Like, what does it mean to be vulnerable? Like when you think about that word, like what comes to mind for you?

SPEAKER_00 2:26

You know, I think the biggest thing for me is kind of breaking it down to where it doesn't seem like the word is so daunting. You know, I think sometimes when we hear vulnerability, we think, okay, we gotta tell somebody our like deepest, darkest secret. Right. You know, and it's not it's not really about that. It's more about, and this is my perspective on vulnerability, is more like being your authentic self with somebody, you know, being able to have the space with somebody to say what you want to say. You know, ask the person, you know, whatever conversation you want to have with them, not being afraid, I guess is what I'm not letting the fear of how am I gonna per be perceived, how is this person gonna react, but just having that vulnerability where it's like, you know what, at the end of the day, I'm gonna be okay because I've said what I needed to say. I'm I'm vulnerable enough to allow myself to open up to somebody and whatever that means to you. If that means with saying talking about like your hometown and you know, where you grew up and what high school you do, or means you talk more in-depthly about some of the family dynamics that you've experienced or work at work trauma or you know, whatever it is, it's building relationships with people based on that trueness of you and and building that trust, not just with other people, but with yourself. I think it's really important because again, when we talk about the fear factor of it, it's like, well, we gotta trust ourselves, you know, and and if we don't trust ourselves or we don't feel like we can trust somebody else, then it's okay to take a step back and really look at what what are we wanting from this situation, from this relationship, you know, and and really thinking about for us why is it important to be vulnerable, you know, to let we see our true self, to be, you know, in that spotlight where it's like, okay, this could either end bad or it could end good or somewhere in between.

SPEAKER_01 4:49

And I'm willing to basically risk it because you're yeah, and you're you're open, you're open to it, you're open to finding out what will be the end result. Yeah, absolutely. So what I'm hearing is with vulnerability, you know, it's just I think it does, it takes it's it's like a yeah, what you just said, what you just said was just a lot, and you said a mouthful, and it's so true because it's like we're looking at when we when we're talking about vulnerability, even right now at this very moment, we're talking about like the emotional aspect, the you know, psychological, like, you know, hey, you know, I I feel comfortable. I feel confident to share, you know, my to expose myself to you. I mean, because when you think about it, that's what vulnerability is. It's kind of like a, it's like you're exposing yourself. Yeah. Now, you know, of course, you're not trying to expose yourself to like be attacked or stuff like that, but there's just a there's a certain openness with vulnerability. And I feel like a lot of times it does, it gets a bad rep being vulnerable because it's about how it's being utilized, you know? And and as you were talking about, like not only just about, you know, with others, but also with ourselves, like, you know, being able to be open and being honest. And and that's so funny that you said that because I was like, I posted something on LinkedIn like this week, and it was about like just being open and honest with yourself. And the more you're able to be honest with yourself, the more authentic you can be towards others too. Yeah, you know, so it's like a it's not like a oh I got you, you know, like I I shouldn't share anything. It just lets us know how our humanness, I guess you can say.

SPEAKER_00 6:38

Yeah. I mean, you know, there's some people that you you kind of read more as like what like an open book type of a thing. And then there's some people that are a little bit more closed. And and I think, you know, it goes back to again, like what type of relationship that you have with this person, you know, and and if you truly want to build an emotional connection, there does be some level of vulnerability, you know, to get to that point, because an emotional connection, again, at least for me, is not a surface level thing. You know, I just have a surface level thing. Now, I'm not saying I don't care about the person or I empathy for them, things like that. But again, if I'm looking at what the actual meaning of the relationship is, then I've got to have an emotional connection to that person in order for that to happen, you know, and that still doesn't mean that it could be the right time or the right place or the right person. But at the same time, it just goes back to if I if I feel okay, it's gonna be a learning experience either way. It's one of those where it's like, again, it goes back to the risk factor of like, am I willing to let my guard down and see what happens if I might get hurt? But at the same time, that would be a lesson. So I'm not wanting to get hurt, then I'm wanting to learn from this experience. And and you can only do that when you're vulnerable. Right.

SPEAKER_01 8:10

And and what you're describing too, or what I what came to mind is a continuum. It's not something that's just like a this is, you know, it's gonna be like this. Like, like you said, there's a lesson to be learned there. You know, if it develops, that's great. And if it doesn't, that's okay. But we can continue, we can take what we've learned and continue on to the next, whatever that is. And I think a lot of times when it comes to being vulnerable, it's like how our vulnerability is being used as well. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00 8:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:43

As far as like um who are we being vulnerable to? Like you said, it's okay because it's a lesson learned there, right? I think it's like this regardless of what role we play in our life, whether we're a parent, whether we're a friend, employee, employer, whatever it is, like you're going to experience vulnerability in some way, shape, or form. But it's all about how you, you know, how you navigate it. How you, you know, like I said with our kids, you know, well, I don't have kids, but you know, with your child, you know, there's times where you're vulnerable, like, no, this is why we don't do that, you know, or you know, you just you're you're always teaching something, you're always learning something. And I feel like with vulnerability, if we had a another way of looking at it or a different perception, I don't I don't think we would look at it as a negative, but it's more of an opportunity for us to, you know, to grow, to flourish, to whatever it is that we're trying to do. And once again, like you said, we're not trying to seek, trying to get, you know, want to get hurt and stuff like that, but we're in a place where we're willing to be open, we're willing to learn, but we also know that this is not the end all to.

SPEAKER_00 10:02

Does that make sense? Yeah. I mean, and and just kind of topping that off with with mental health, it's like if you are in a place in a mindset, however you want to call it, where you want help, then you're not vulnerable there, you know, it's it's gotta take that vulnerability for that motivation to kick in to be like, you know what, I've got to tell somebody what's going on, I've gotta ask for help. If I want to change, and and that's the biggest thing too, is you know, if you're in a situation where things are stabinant or things are going downhill, you know, it it is important to have somebody or something that's your lifeline, that's a support, that's you know, or just even if even if it's a stranger, even if you gotta call the 988 number, you know, things like we have to have the realization we have to be mindful that there are ways for us to be vulnerable and that it's gonna be okay. Because right, end of the day, we're being vulnerable, we're choosing to be vulnerable in our minds coming from a good place. Like, I want help from you, or I wanted this relationship to go deeper, or I want you to understand where I'm coming from, you know, however you want to look at it, that's what vulnerability is about, again, in my perspective. It's it's letting somebody see you, and it's you being able to show them, you know. Obviously, it still doesn't mean that they're gonna see you exactly how you see yourself, type of a thing, because we all our own judgments and perspectives, however, it just goes back to the trust in yourself, like what I'm putting out. If you don't see that or if you don't agree with it, I'm not asking you to do those things. I'm just simply being who I am, and I'm not gonna let again that fear of what might happen hold me down from being my true self.

SPEAKER_01 12:13

Absolutely, absolutely, and it's interesting, and I'm so glad that you brought up mental health because even in those moments, like it's even for some of us, and I'm not saying for all of us, but for some of us, it's still a struggle or a challenge. Because once again, being able allowing somebody to know or allow ourselves to be open to that person, even if it is a stranger, and how that can, like I said, we've all experienced it. I guess that's what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to normalize. And for you too, it's like vulnerability, we experience it all the time. We really do. It's just a matter of just how how we navigate it. And like you said, being able, and I love how you said it, Stormy, that we are able to be our authentic self, no matter what room we're in, no matter where we are, who we're with, whether it's our friends, our family, you know, neighbor, almost, you know, whoever it is. But feeling feeling okay to be our authentic self. And in that comes that vulnerability and being and us being honest with ourselves. And I think that's sometimes that there's like a disconnect there because we have it in our minds sometimes. We have to be a certain way. But you know, doing my air quotes, you know, I'm supposed to come off this way because I have this role and I have this position, or or I do this and that. And but reality is that no, just just be your honest self, be your authentic self. If you make a mistake, you make a mistake, and that's okay. Like, we all make mistakes. Like now that now the difference is if you don't learn from your mistake, you know, you know, you keep doing it over and over again. You know, that's different. But but yeah, just us being able to just be the open and use our intuition, use our discernment, you know, know the times when we should be vulnerable or when maybe it's not maybe not in this moment, not to be vulnerable, but to listen, you know, so it's being able just to I hate to say like this, but read the room, read the situation. And I like how you said it, you know. Do I want this friendship to go deeper? Do I want this relationship to do XYZ? And just being open to what what can be, I guess I'll say it that way.

SPEAKER_00 14:40

Yeah, and just being present with that, you know, again, it's not like I have to go back 40-something years and tell somebody everything that's happened and might be able to have that, but it's also, you know, when you're vulnerable and when you start to really kind of share things, right? In a sense, it all well, not in a sense, but it makes it more real. And so sometimes there's fear with that. Like if I say something out loud, or if I talk about it, or if I tell somebody this, then that means it's real, and then what am I gonna do about it? You know, so sometimes it does again go back to that fear of like, well, I I'm just gonna avoid, I'm gonna like this part of me quiet, or you know, I'm gonna just not gonna say anything, I'm not gonna give it any voice. And it's like being able to listen to all those parts of us and and give give ourselves a voice. And that that's part of it too, I think, is just yes, understanding that just because speaking something makes it true, it's still true whether it's in your mind or not, you know, still near reality, you're just you know, taking it one step further by acknowledging it with somebody else.

SPEAKER_01 15:56

Yeah, yeah, that's true. Vulnerability. You said what? Say it again.

SPEAKER_00 16:02

I don't know if that made sense.

SPEAKER_01 16:04

No, I'm with you. I mean, man, I'm telling you, when I just think about it, and for me, I'm you know, I think about, you know, because as you were saying what you were saying, I would it made me think back like, you know, where where I was and where I am now, you know, as far as like different friendships, different things, and you know, opportunities where I was able to be vulnerable with one and maybe not with other, you know, and just how everything just I you just had to navigate it, you know, and you learn from, and I like when you said that earlier, you know, you learn from what you have experienced, and then you take it on to uh maybe the next situation, whatever that is. But at the end of the day, when I look over my life, it was always a continuum. I was always, you know, like I say, growing. I was, you know, uh allowing my piece of myself to be open in this situation or this XYZ, you know, because we're all have we've all been through something, right? And sometimes when it comes to just having conversations, it's just good to know that you're not alone. Or, you know, maybe even if it's not the exact same thing, but just knowing that, man, you know what, man, it was rough these past couple of weeks for me too, you know. It's just something about that connection and saying, man, that's being vulnerable, you know, not saying, oh, everything's hunky dory. No, life is life, uh honey. Like I am, there has been a lot going on and blah, blah, blah, you know, and being able to have that connection with somebody. And and that's when I think about that. I think about vulnerability being such a superpower, you know, being such a superpower for us being able to make that connection with each other, you know, because we are, we're interdependent human beings. Like we need a relationship. I know people say, like, well, I don't need yeah, we we're all relational. I'm just gonna say it. That's just my opinion. Yeah, but we all need that connection with someone. And when we have that connector, it's I mean, like I said, the rest is history. And like you said, just being present, just being present and just it can be even with a stranger. I think that's the cool thing about it. It's like the other day I was at the store. No, no, no. Well, I did go to the store the other day, but I went to get my mom's carved fixed, um, get it tuned up or whatnot. And so this lady was sitting in there, and we're just, you know, I was just like, hey, how are you doing? She's like, Oh, I'm fine. And she's like, I'm just, you know, waiting for, you know, waiting for my car, da-da-da. You know, and I just said, Oh, okay, you know, and we just having a conversation. That whole day, she told me her whole life story. Because at that moment, we were both vulnerable because we both needed our cars fixed on, you know what I mean? But but it just shows you the power of connection and how and how it can be so, I mean, it's so encouraging. We both left there like inspired, you know. We like we were laughing and joking, and it didn't matter race, color, age, none of that matter. It was just we're just two individuals just having a conversation, knowing that girl, I gotta get this car ready, I can't get this car fixed, you know. So, but anyway, I just wanted to share that. But I just thought that was so so cool. But like I said, vulnerability. We were both vulnerable in a moment, but we were able to make that connection too.

SPEAKER_00 19:25

Yeah. Well, and I'm just gonna tag off of that what you what you said too about a superpower. It's like that's exactly it. Like, look at it as your superpower, you're the one that chooses how vulnerable you are and what you share with people. Nobody else can make you, you know, do that, you know. So, so look at it as your strength, your ability to drive relationships with people, you know, just like that. I mean, my dad, you know, just reminds me of like my dad. Anytime we'd be in the car with him, he'd roll down his window and just wave at people walking by or in the next car over hey, how you doing? Yeah, good day. And he didn't like wait for a response. It wasn't, hey, how you doing? And just, you know, it made people's day, you know. It's it's just like again, it's that relational aspect of it. Or no, just saying hey to somebody and looking them in the eye can just mean so much more to them. And it's just yes, that's being us being vulnerable in the first place, even though it's like this very simple and almost impersonal thing to trying to have some deep conversation. Why are you making that connection? Like, hey, how you doing? Like, I see you.

SPEAKER_01 20:47

Yeah, I I like your glasses, their frames are cute, you know. Just oh, thank you. You know, just little things, you know, and it it's like and and I think sometimes we we it's the little things, you know, because we're fearful, like, well, if I do say something, you know, they might not respond. You know, who cares? You know, just be you, like you said, stolen. About it. And like you said, be your authentic self in all situations, no matter what it is. Even when you're upset, you know, you're like, okay, I'm upset. This is where I'm at, and da-da-da-da-da. You know, what do I need to do? You know, or just you may not even be looking for a solution. You're just like, this is where I am, I'm pissed off, I don't like the whole situation, and I need to step away and cool off. Cool. That's okay.

SPEAKER_00 21:39

Because you know what you need. Yes, you know what you need, and so don't be afraid to get it.

SPEAKER_01 21:48

Right, exactly. That right there, that part right there. So this is good, girl. So, what's our takeaway? What do you think? I mean, we we said a mouthful, and you girl, you was on it. I loved it, I loved it.

SPEAKER_00 22:02

I mean, I think our takeaway could just be like vulnerability is your superpower. Just go back to that, you know. Like, don't be afraid of it. It's it's not there to scare you, it's there to, you know, make those connections that you want and power life changing in a very small amount of time. It can be life-changing. So use it as your superpower.

SPEAKER_01 22:27

Yeah, use your discernment, use all that. Yeah, it is your superpower. I love that. I think that's great. So we hope that this was beneficial for you guys. We enjoyed it, and go out there, change the world. No, I'm just joking. But no, we want you to have an amazing day, and we look forward to speaking and chatting along again.