Flourishing After Adversity

S2:E5 How to Calm Your Mind During Chaos

• Laura Broome

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S2:E5 Radical Acceptance: Navigating Chaos with Practical Steps

In this episode of the Flourishing After Adversity podcast, host Laura Mangum Broome addresses the chaos that often follows life’s challenging seasons, such as loss, uncertainty, and emotional turmoil. She introduces radical acceptance as a key resilience skill, explaining that it involves acknowledging reality without approving it. Using her personal experience of dealing with grief and illness, Laura provides practical steps to help listeners calm their nervous systems, organize their thoughts, and take actionable steps. 

The episode includes a guided three-step process: writing down overwhelming thoughts, conducting a control check, and practicing radical acceptance to spark momentum. Laura emphasizes that growth happens one step at a time, encouraging listeners to acknowledge their feelings and take action. Listeners are also directed to a free guide, Reframe the Spiral, for coping strategies.

00:00 Introduction: Navigating Life's Chaos
00:17 Welcome to Flourishing After Adversity
01:04 Understanding the Spinning Mind
01:55 Radical Acceptance Explained
02:48 Personal Story of Radical Acceptance
04:20 Three Practical Steps to Move Forward
08:18 Recap and Encouragement
09:13 Closing Remarks and Resources

 

Introduction: Navigating Life's Chaos

Have you ever been in a season where life feels chaotic-- loss, uncertainty, decisions, and emotions-- all at once? And no matter how hard you try to think your way through it, your mind keeps spinning. Today's episode is for you. 

Welcome to Flourishing After Adversity

Welcome to the Flourishing After Adversity podcast. I'm your host, Laura Mangum Broome.

If you've been knocked down by life. Grief, illness loss, or unexpected change, you're in the right place. Here we turn setbacks into stepping stones because healing, growth and joy are not out of reach. They're closer than you think. You just need a clear next step.  ​

 Before we begin, if you ever felt overwhelmed by negative thoughts after a setback caught in loops of worry, self-doubt, or mental exhaustion, I created a free guide for you called Reframe the Spiral: 5 Quick Coping Strategies to Shift Negative Thoughts and Reclaim Your Day. You'll find the link in the show notes.

Understanding the Spinning Mind

Let's name what's really happening when your mind won't stop spinning.  Most of the time the spinning isn't because you can't handle life. It's because your nervous system is trying to protect you. When life feels uncertain, your brain starts hunting for certainty. It scans for danger. It replays conversations.

It tries to predict what's coming. And here's the issue. When your brain is in survival mode, it's harder to think clearly, make decisions, plan, and follow through, so you can feel stuck in two places at once, emotionally flooded and mentally exhausted.

That's why today we're talking about radical acceptance and a very practical tool that helps you calm the nervous system and access the part of your brain that makes decisions. 

Radical Acceptance Explained

Radical acceptance is one of the most misunderstood resilience skills.  Radical acceptance means acknowledging reality as it is right now without approving it.

It is not saying this is fine, I'm over it or it didn't matter,  and it's definitely not saying I deserve this, or I shouldn't feel what I feel.  Radical acceptance is simply acknowledging the truth. This happened, this hurts, and this is where I am today.  Because when you don't accept reality, you usually do one of two things.

You resist what's already true and it drains you, or you shut down and you lose access to wise action.  Acceptance doesn't remove grief. It removes the extra suffering that comes from resisting reality.

Personal Story of Radical Acceptance

I want to share a piece of my story because this isn't theory for me.  The day before my double mastectomy, our eldest teenage son died by suicide. We were devastated. I was given the option of postponing my surgery.  During the previous month and a half of radiation treatments, I dreaded this important and necessary surgery. I knew if I postponed it, I would procrastinate, rescheduling it. So I made a decision I could control. I chose to set my grief aside until after surgery so I could get through the next right step.

Let me be clear. I'm not saying this was easy. I'm not saying it's the right choice for everyone. I'm saying it was the choice I could control in that moment. I could not control what had happened, but I could control my next step. That's radical acceptance in action. And if you want the full story, I wrote about it on my blog, the link is in the show notes.

Here's what I want you to hear today. You can acknowledge your feelings and take action. Both are important. If you skip feelings, they don't disappear. They usually come out sideways through irritability, exhaustion, numbness, or anxiety. And if you skip action, you can get stuck in a loop where everything feels impossible.  So we're going to do both. Acknowledge what's real and choose what's next. 

Three Practical Steps to Move Forward

I'm going to give you three steps. Simple, practical, doable. 

Step one, write down all the thoughts in your head.  Set a timer for three to five minutes. Write down every thought that's swirling in your mind. Use one word or short phrases. It doesn't have to look pretty. This is not journaling for grammar or for someone else to read. This is a brain dump.  Examples might look like, I can't do this. What if it gets worse? I'm exhausted. I don't know what to say. Money. My kids. The appointment. The phone call I'm avoiding.

Here's why this helps. When you put thoughts into words, you're helping your brain organize what feels chaotic. It's like taking a room full of smoke and opening a window. You're not solving anything yet. You're creating space. 

Step two, do a control check.   Now make two columns. On the left hand column write "Out of My Control". On the right hand column, write "In My Control".  Take the thoughts you wrote down and sort them into these two columns.  Here are examples to guide you.

Example of what's in your control are your thoughts, your words, your actions, your goals, your boundaries, how you respond to challenges, what you give your energy to.

Examples of what's out of your control, what others think and say about you, the actions of others, how others take care of themselves, the outcome of your efforts, the past and the future. Here's the point, you don't need to control everything. You just need to identify one controllable thing because that's where momentum starts.

Step three. Radical acceptance.   Now look at your "Out of My Control" column. This is where radical acceptance lives. Say it plainly. This is what it is right now. I don't like it. I wish it were different  and it's still true.  That's not approval. That's acknowledgement. 

Now shift over to your "In My Control" column. Pick one item you can act on that will create momentum.  This is your first domino.  Then break it down like you're teaching a small child how to do it.  Example for, book the appointment, find the phone number or website. Write a one to two sentence script of what to say. Set a five minute timer. Make the call or complete the form. Put the date on the calendar.

Tiny steps lower the emotional cost of action, and when the emotional cost goes down, consistency goes up.

Once you've chosen your one action, ask two practical questions.  Number one, what additional information do I need to make this happen? This is how you stop guessing and start getting clear.

The second question is, who can help, encourage, or support me along the way? Because you were never meant to do hard things alone. Support can look like a friend who won't judge a counselor, coach, doctor, pastor, or priest, a support group, someone who will simply text. Did you take that next step? 

If your brain says, this shouldn't be happening, you don't have to fight with it, you can answer it. Try responses like, I don't approve of this, but I can accept what's real.   I can't change the past, but I can choose my next step.  I don't have to solve everything today.  I am not deciding the outcome today, I'm choosing the next step.  This is how you stop letting fear write the ending.   

Recap and Encouragement

Let's recap what we learned.  Radical acceptance is acknowledging reality without approving it.  When your mind is spinning, your nervous system is often trying to protect you.  Step one, write down the thoughts in your head.  Step two, do a control check: "Out of My Control" vs "In My Control."  Step three, practice radical acceptance then choose one domino action.  Break it into tiny steps to lower the emotional cost.  Ask, what information do I need? Who can support me?

If you're in a season where life feels chaotic, I want you to hear this. You don't have to feel ready. You just have to be willing. And willingness can be as small as taking one step. You're right where you need to be. Growth happens one step at a time.

Closing Remarks and Resources

Thank you for listening to the Flourishing After Adversity podcast.

If this episode helped you, please share it with three friends in need of hope. Leave a review or connect with me online at iCope2Hope.com. The link is in the show notes. And don't forget to download your free guide Reframe the Spiral: 5 Quick Coping Strategies to Shift Negative Thoughts and Reclaim Your Day. The link is also in the show notes as well as other free resources. 

Until next time, remember: adversity can make you bitter or better. Choose better! You've got this!