Flourishing After Adversity

S2:E9 What Do You Want? (Choosing Change Over Expectations)

• Laura Broome

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0:00 | 9:12

3 Questions to Stop Living for Approval and Take Your Next Right Step

Laura Mangum Broome welcomes listeners to the Flourishing After Adversity podcast and introduces a free guide, “Reframe the Spiral,” for coping with negative thoughts after setbacks. She discusses how fear of judgment and living for others’ approval can keep people stuck, using a scene from The Notebook to illustrate the struggle of choosing between personal desires and others’ expectations. 

Emphasizing that you are accountable for your own life, she offers three practical questions to gain clarity when wanting change: What are your passions, what are your strengths, and what resources do you have to take the first step. She encourages asking what you’d choose without others’ opinions, considering the cost of staying the same, and completing a 10-minute exercise to identify one next right step.

00:00 Fear of Judgment
00:20 Podcast Welcome
00:45 Free Reframe Guide
01:07 Living for Approval
02:21 Three Clarity Questions
02:46 Question One Passions
03:55 Question Two Strengths
04:57 Question Three Resources
06:03 When Fear Gets Loud
06:53 10 Minute Exercise
07:37 Recap and Next Step
08:32 Closing and Resources


Schedule a free 15-minute Clarity Call with Laura: https://bit.ly/15mincallLMB

 Have you ever wanted to change your life for the better, but you were held back because you could already hear what family or friends might say.  Maybe you've thought, they'll think I'm being selfish. They won't understand. What if I disappoint them?  If that's you, you're not alone.

Podcast Welcome

Welcome to the Flourishing After Adversity podcast.

I'm your host, Laura Mangum Broome. If you've been knocked down by life.  Illness loss or unexpected change, you're in the right place. Here we turn setbacks into stepping stones because healing, growth and joy are not out of reach. They're available to you even in this season.   

Free Reframe Guide

Before we begin. If you've ever felt overwhelmed by negative thoughts after a setback caught in loops of worry, self-doubt, or mental exhaustion, I created a free resource for you called Reframe the Spiral: 5 Quick Coping Strategies to Shift Negative Thoughts and Reclaim Your Day. You'll find the link in the show notes. 

Living for Approval

The moment you realize you've been living for approval. There's a scene in the movie The Notebook that captures the struggle so clearly  Noah keeps asking Ally one question, what do you want?  And she can't answer.  Not because she doesn't have a desire,  but because she's torn between what she feels in her gut and what everyone else expects from her.

And finally she says, it's not that simple.  And she's right. It's not that simple when you've trained yourself to filter every decision through, what will they think? Will they approve?  Will they be disappointed?  But here's the truth, I want to say to you clearly today.  If you build your life around other people's expectations, you'll eventually feel like your life belongs to everyone but you.

And there's another truth, one that can feel heavy, but it's also freeing. You are accountable for your life. They aren't.  It's easy for someone else to tell you what you should do. But they don't pay the price if that choice leaves you stuck, resentful, or disconnected from who you are.

Three Clarity Questions

So today I wanna give you something practical. Three questions you can ask yourself when you want to change your life for the better, especially when fear of judgment is trying to keep you in the same place.

Three questions that move you from fear to clarity. These questions are simple, but they're not shallow. They help you come back to what's true for you. 

Question One Passions

Question one. What are your passions? Passions are the things that make you feel more like yourself. They're the topics, causes, activities, or dreams that energize you even if they also scare you.

Here are a few examples. You light up when you're helping someone through hard seasons. You lose track of time when you're writing, creating, organizing, teaching, cooking, or building something.  You keep feeling pulled towards starting a business, changing careers, going back to school, volunteering, or making a move.

Here's a quick clue. If you keep saying, someday I want to  Then pay attention.  That someday is often your passion asking to be taken seriously. And if you're thinking, I don't even know what I'm passionate about anymore. Listen, that doesn't mean you don't have passions.

It may mean you've been in survival mode. Start by noticing what you care about. What makes you feel alive? What makes you feel like this matters? 

Question Two Strengths

Question two, what are your strengths? . Strengths are what you naturally bring to the table. Skills, qualities, and ways of showing up that others consistently benefit from. Examples, people come to you because you're calm in a crisis. You're a connector, you build community.  You're persistent, you don't quit when things get hard.  You're practical and can break big problems into doable steps.  You're compassionate and make people feel safe. 

If you are unsure what your strengths are, try these prompts. What do people thank me for? What feels hard for others becomes more naturally for me.  And I wanna add this. If you've been through adversity, you have strengths. Even if you don't feel strong, sometimes strength looks like continuing. Sometimes strength looks like asking for help.  Sometimes strength looks like telling the truth.

Question Three Resources

Question three. What resources do you have to take the first step. Resources aren't just money. Resources are anything that helps you move forward. Time, support, knowledge, tools, and access. Examples: Time: 20 minutes a day to learn, plan or practice.  People: a friend who will encourage you, a mentor, a coach, a supportive online community.  Skills or knowledge: Experience you already have: a certification, a class you can take  tools, a laptop, a library card, a journal, a quiet corner, a calendar.  Access: a local group, a church community, a networking event, a volunteer opportunity. And here's the goal, not to map your whole future, just to identify one first step you can take with what you already have. Because clarity doesn't come from thinking. Clarity comes from movement. 

When Fear Gets Loud

What to do when fear of options gets loud.  Let's talk about what happens next.  You get clear. You name a passion. You recognize the strength. You see a resource you can use. And then fear shows up. Fear of judgment, fear of disappointing people, fear of being misunderstood.

So here's a question that cuts through the noise. If no one else had a vote, what would I choose?  And then this one, what's the cost of staying the same? Because the truth is staying the same has a cost too. It costs you time. It costs you energy, and it costs you peace,  and sometimes it costs you the chance to become who you are meant to be in this next chapter. 

10 Minute Exercise

Try this exercise today.   If you want something practical you can do today, try this. It just takes 10 minutes. Grab a notebook or open your notes app on your phone and write three headings, my passions, my strengths, my resources. Under each heading list five items.  No overthinking.  Then circle one item in each list and then finish this sentence. My next right step is fill in the blank.  And if you want a final layer of honesty, ask If no one could judge me, what change would I make next? 


Recap and Next Step

let's recap what we covered today. Fear of judgment can keep you living for approval instead of living on purpose.  You are accountable for your life. Other people aren't.  Three questions can bring you back to clarity. What are my passions? What are my strengths? What resources do I have to take the first step?  You don't need a perfect plan. You need one right next step. 

If you've been holding back because you're worried about what other people think, I want you to hear this.  You don't have to figure it all out today.  You don't have to convince everyone. You just have to be honest about what you want. Change can be good, not because it's easy, but because it's true. You're right where you need to be. Growth happens one step at a time.

Closing and Resources

Thank you for listening to the Flourishing After Adversity Podcast. If this episode helped you, please share it with three friends in need of hope. Leave a review or connect with me online at iCope2Hope.com.  The link is in the show notes. And don't forget to download your free guide: Reframe the Spiral: 5 Quick Coping Strategies to shift negative thoughts and reclaim your day.

The link is also in the show notes as well as other free resources. Until next time, remember, adversity can make you better or better. Choose better! You've got this!