Flourishing After Adversity

S2:E13 Stop Letting People's Opinions Make Your Life Decisions

• Laura Broome

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0:00 | 7:43

Stop Letting Other People’s Opinions Decide Your Life

Host Laura Mangum Broome discusses how fear of others’ opinions can keep people from pursuing dreams and making aligned decisions, sharing a friend’s example of starting a women’s garment business and bracing for family reactions. She emphasizes that while others may have opinions, they don’t carry the outcomes, and encourages focusing on what is within one’s control (thoughts, actions, boundaries) versus what isn’t (others’ reactions, the future). 

She explains unsolicited criticism may come from fear, a need for control, projection, or discomfort with change, and offers three responses: acknowledge and ask to share your view, clarify you weren’t seeking advice, or thank them and change the subject. The episode closes with a reflection question, a small-step action challenge, and reminders to download her free guide and visit iCope2Hope.com.

00:00 Fear of Opinions
00:24 Podcast Welcome
00:45 Free Coping Guide
01:07 Friend Business Story
02:03 Who Carries Outcomes
03:03 Control vs Not
03:38 Why People Judge
04:55 Three Responses
05:28 Habits and Takeaway
05:58 Reflection and Action
06:28 Recap and Next Steps
07:27 Closing Encouragement


 Have you ever talked yourself out of something you wanted to do because you were afraid of what other people might say?  Maybe you stayed quiet about a dream.  Maybe you delayed a next step.  Maybe you second guessed a decision that felt right for you because you were worried about someone else's reaction.  If that's you, stay tuned to today's episode. 

Podcast Welcome

Welcome to the Flourishing After Adversity Podcast. I'm your host, Laura Mangum Broome. If you've been knocked down by life, grief, illness loss, or unexpected change, you're in the right place. Here we turn setbacks into stepping stones because healing, growth and joy are just around the corner. 

Free Coping Guide

Before we begin, if you ever felt overwhelmed by negative thoughts after a setback, download my free guide, reframe the spiral, five quick coping strategies to shift negative thoughts and reclaim your day. These are the same coping strategies I use when life gets overwhelming. You'll find the link in the show notes. 

Friend Business Story

A friend of mine recently shared a situation with me. She decided to start her own business selling a women's garment she had struggled to find for herself.  What she found on the market was poor quality. Instead of settling, she saw a need and decided to do something about it.

Her husband believed in the idea so much that he decided to leave his job so they could build the business together.  One side of the family knows and is supportive. The other side knows about the business idea, but not yet about the husband joining the business. That's where the worry started. , not because they haven't thought it through, but because they're bracing themselves for opinions. 

And that landed with me because so many people do this. They're not confused about what they want. They aren't always lacking clarity. Sometimes they're just simply worried of what other people will think. 

Who Carries Outcomes

Here's what matters. They're grown adults making decisions about their own lives.  They will enjoy the rewards if things go well, and they'll deal with the consequences if things don't.  Family and friends may have opinions about what they should or shouldn't do, but those same people will not be carrying the outcome. 

That is such an important truth.  Other people are allowed to have opinions. That doesn't mean that they get to vote in every decision you make. 

Let's be honest, this is hard because most of us want approval. We want support. We want the people, we love to understand us, and when they don't, it can stir up fear and self-doubt and hesitation.  You may start asking yourself, what if they think I'm making a mistake? What if they judge me? What if they pull away?  What if they're right?  That fear is real, but if you're not careful, it'll keep you stuck. 

Control vs Not

One of the best resets in moments like this is to ask what's in my control and what's not?  What's in your control? Your thoughts, your words, your actions, your effort, your boundaries, the things you can influence.  What's not in your control. Other people's thoughts, their words, their reactions, the past, the future, every outcome.  This matters because when you keep trying to manage what's not yours to manage, you lose energy for what is actually yours to do.

Why People Judge

It also helps to understand why people feel compelled to give an opposing opinion when no one asked for it. Sometimes people speak from fear.  They imagine what could go wrong and their opinion is really their anxiety coming out sideways. It might sound critical, but underneath it can be worry, protectiveness, or their discomfort for risk.

Other times people feel a need for control. If your choice is different from what they do, it can challenge their worldview, so they try to pull you back toward what feels familiar to them.  Some people also think that they're being helpful. They may believe offering advice is supportive even when it's not invited.

And sometimes it's projection. Your decision may stir up their own regrets, insecurities, or dreams they didn't pursue, so they respond from that place instead of simply listening.  And finally, some people are uncomfortable with change. When you grow, take a risk, set a boundary, or do something unexpected,  it can disrupt the role they're used to you playing.  Their opinion is not always about your decision. Sometimes it's about what your decision brings up in them. 

Three Responses

So what do you do when someone disagrees with the choice you're making? Here are three clear ways to respond.

One, acknowledge their opinion and ask if they'd like to hear yours.  Two, acknowledge their opinion and politely clarify that you were sharing, not asking for advice.  And three, thank them for their opinion and then change the subject.  Not every opinion needs a long explanation. Sometimes the healthiest response is brief, calm and clear.

Simple Habits and Takeaway

You can also practice a few simple habits.  Pause before responding.  Use a go-to phrase like I'm at peace with my decision.  Check in with yourself afterward and ask, did I respond in a way that matched my values?  Here's the takeaway. Not every opinion deserves your energy. The more clear you are about what is yours to carry and what is not, the easier it becomes to move forward with courage.

Reflection and Action

So here's your reflection question for the week.   Where have you been giving someone else's opinion more power than your own values, goals, or calling?  And here's your action step.  Take one small step this week toward the decision, the dream or the goal you've been holding back on.

You do not need everyone's approval to move forward. You need clarity. You need courage, and you need to remember that your life is yours to live. 

Recap and Next Steps

Let's recap what we covered today.  Fear of other people's opinions can keep you stuck.  Other people may have opinions,  but they do not carry your outcome.

The best reset is knowing what's in your control and what is not.  Unsolicited opinions often come with fear control projection, or discomfort with change.  You can respond with calm, clarity and boundaries.  Not every opinion deserves your energy. 

If this episode encouraged you, share it with a friend who needs this reminder. And if you've not already, be sure to subscribe. Leave a review and visit iCope2Hope.com  for more resources, coaching support, and encouragement.   Don't forget to download your free guide. Reframe the spiral. Five quick coping strategies to shift negative thoughts and reclaim your day. The link is in the show notes.

Closing Encouragement

You're right where you need to be. Growth happens one step at a time. Adversity can make you bitter or better, choose better. You've got this.